City of IF

[Shady Stoat]

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
By Shady Stoat

Chapter One: It’s all Balls…

Elladora sighed as she gazed into the mirror.

Fat. She was definitely getting fat. If she kept blossoming outward, it wouldn’t be long before she lost sight of her wings completely!

She took one last look at herself. A round, good-natured face with dimples. Too many crinkly lines at the edges of her eyes. They were mid-brown, matching exactly the shade of her hair. At least, her hair as it had been. Now there was a badger streak of grey at each temple. Her hips and thighs were blighted by middle-aged spread already, and she was only thirty-seven.

She sighed and mentally corrected herself. One hundred and thirty-seven then. Couldn’t a girl leave a single figure off her age, if only on her anniversary?

Doing the same job for a century was not all it was cracked up to be. Oh, she had been flattered when Fate had approached her, all those years ago, with a wand in one hand and an offer of employment in the other. The idea of near-immortality had seemed appealing, to say the least. As had the idea of helping truly needy people.

That was what being a fairy godmother was all about, wasn’t it?

Blast Cinderella and her stinking slippers! If it hadn’t been for that fairy-tale, maybe she would have asked a little more about the job description before she had accepted. In the stories, it was all Royal Balls and sequined evening wear and pumpkins that turned into mice (or was it mice into slippers, she could never remember?).

Those fairy godmothers had never dealt with her set of spoiled brats. They wanted an impossible dream and reality would not do. Marry a Prince (despite the fact that most major Monarchies were now defunct), be a famous Movie Star (despite the fact that they couldn’t act – well, okay, that didn’t have to be a problem!), have three more wishes in exchange for the one they had just made (there was always one smart Alec!) and anything else they could get their avaricious little heads around.

And if she did the job right, what did she have to look forward to? Another four hundred years of performing the same routine, day-in day-out.

Then? She would lose the wings and the wand, only to get dumped back into her real existence. What was she going to do at the grand old age of thirty-seven, long after everyone she had ever known was dead and gone?

It was too much. There was something about hitting your one hundred year anniversary that made you re-assess your life. Elladora’s mouth set into a determined line. It was time to arrange for a successor.

------------

The fairy-godmother pulled on the bell-rope beside the door. It chimed, with the sound of an old woman’s insane cackling.

She rolled her eyes. This was all so unnecessary. Fate had known she was coming; probably since before Elladora had. The theatrics were nothing more than showing-off.

Thus it was that she greeted the hunchbacked manservant with a scathing glance, before marching right past him. She didn’t bother to wait for a formal introduction. Instead, she threw open the doors to the reception room and stepped inside.

A small, round room with marble floors and panelled walls opened up before her. A fire was blazing in the hearth and heavy armchairs of studded leather stood to either side of a hideous claw-legged coffee table. There was an enormous window, crafted from stained glass in gothic colours. A figure in a green-cowled cloak floated a couple of inches from the floor, gazing out at the vista beyond the glass.

“Hello, Miss Chubb,” she intoned, hollowly.

“Yes, yes, call me Dora,” snapped the fairy godmother, shaking her head at the ridiculousness of it all. “Now, can we please get on with it?”

“Very well, Dora.” The figure turned, shedding its cloak. Beneath it was a figure of a woman, transforming from moment to moment. The virgin, the matriarch, the hag and all that came between, ever present, ever changing.

Elladora was not impressed. She had seen it all before. Without being asked, she settled herself into one of the armchairs in front of the fire.

After a moment or two, the figure joined her in the adjacent one. She turned a metamorphic gaze upon her employee.

“The answer…” she said, and paused to deliver the rest with greater effect, “… is ‘no.’”

Elladora frowned.

“Perhaps you’d be good enough to tell me what the question is,” she said, tetchily.

There was only silence from Fate.

“Look,” argued the fairy godmother. “All I came here to ask was this. I’ve had enough - can’t you find yourself another fairy go…”

She trailed off. “Oh.”

“Exactly,” intoned Fate. “I believe you still have four hundred years of service yet to complete. Your office is of vital importance to the smooth running of destiny, and you do it well. Once accepted, the job is yours until it is done.”

“You tricked me into taking it, and you damn well know it!” flared Elladora. “Fifteen years of caring for my sick mother, and no chance to live my own life. Then she ups and dies, and the next thing you know, there’s a magical entity knocking at my door, asking me to fill up my empty existence with a new job. I never had a chance! You never explained the rules! How could I…”

The shifting figure interrupted.

“Nevertheless. You made your decision, way back then. Now I have made mine. You will stay.”

Elladora stood up, abruptly. “You haven’t heard the last of this!”

She marched out of the house, resolutely ignoring the twelve-piece orchestra that followed her down the hall, playing sinister music as she departed.

Fate loved her little theatrics…

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One hot cup of tea and a two cream buns later (oh, she was going to be huge!), Elladora was still fuming. She sat amid the clutter of her cottage, resentfully replaying the words of Fate in her head.

‘You made your decision… now I have made mine…’

Decision! Hah! Joke, more like!

‘…four hundred years… vital importance… smooth running of destiny…’

And what about the destiny that had been taken away from her, eh? Who was going to see to her needs and desires?

Who made a happy ending for the people who made happy endings?

‘You do it well… you will stay…

Elladora’s eyes narrowed, then widened as the words hit her. If she was being kept on because she was so good at her job – then maybe it was time to start being bad at it!

She stood up and began to pace the floor as plans flooded her mind. It would have to be done carefully. Start being blatantly incompetent and Fate would find a way to take her revenge. No! Her little brats must get exactly what they asked for, in such a way as to make them wish they had never asked! Cinderella might still get to go to the ball… but heck! So did the ugly sisters, and look what happened to them!

With a not-altogether-nice smile, she went to her writing desk and got out the appointment book. She flicked through it and got to the page with her current appointments on it.

Ah. Seven still outstanding. She had been putting these off for weeks. Now, however, she felt quite motivated.

Her eyes gravitated to the top name on the list. Becky and the evil stepmother. That would do.

She swished her wand in a diagonal curve and vanished. Off to the first job.

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Dora appeared in the girl’s bedroom. The floor was scattered with teen magazines and creased articles of clothing. Every available inch of the walls was plastered with posters of boy-bands and soap-celebrities.

The girl in question sat, cross-legged on her bed.

“You’re late,” she snapped.

Becky Marton. Thirteen years old, and unlikely to live to fourteen if she kept the attitude. She had already used up two of her three wishes. Well, squandered them, more like! This was her last. Elladora planned on making it a wish to remember.

“What is it this time?” sighed the fairy godmother. She very deliberately did not roll her eyes. Of course, Fate had told her in advance what the wish would be, but she had to go through the entire debacle anyway. Theatrics!

“I want you to deal with my evil stepmother for me.”

This time, Dora did roll her eyes. Over the years, she had grown to loathe ‘Wussies’ (as she had dubbed ‘Wicked Stepmother’ jobs). They were always the same old thing. Some poor woman had found herself a new family and the next thing you knew, she was being terrorized by the pampered princesses who had grown used to being Daddy’s little girl!

“What has she done to you?” she asked, not really caring, but wanting to put some thought into this one.

Becky swelled. “What has she done? I’m a virtual prisoner in my own home! She never lets me go out…”

‘Until you’ve finished your homework,” thought Elladora, absently.

“…she’s got me on a diet that would make a cockroach sick…”

The translation flitted through her head, ‘…she cut out the ice-cream and chocolate, and confiscated your supply of cigarettes?’

“…she works me like a slave…”

‘…written up a rosta of weekly chores…’

“…and she treats her own brat like some kind of God!”

‘… and you’re not the sole and total focus of Daddy’s world any more,’ finished Elladora – but only in the privacy of her own head. She drew a deep breath, trying not to look too hopeful.

“So… deal with your evil stepmother? Is that your final wish?”

Ooooh, with wording like that, she could have such fun!

Becky added, “Yeah. Really teach her a lesson,” before the final nod which sealed the deal.

“Your wish is my command,” said Dora with a small smile. ‘…and my personal pleasure,’ she added silently.


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The decision point is Elladora's. How is she going to make the wish go wrong for Becky, whilst sticking within the letter of the wish? Be as creative as you can. Dora is depending on you! ;)

[ethereal_fauna]

This sounds like a fun one...I'll have to put a little more thought into a proper response. :D

[Chinaren]

Oooh! A new Stoat Story!!! :D

yes, need to think on this one, plus I have to dash off now. More later from me, oh yes..

[jnmrcs]

Very Nice...

The first thing that came to my mind was "Convert her on other little girl, so she will have a new sister (maybe the dad's favorite)".

But I don't know if that will be good enough. I will continue thinking on it.

[Smee]

:D Awesome and most funny start Stoat. I'm loving it. :)

You could steal the entertaining idea of switching bodies. Put the step-mum in Becky's body, and vice-versa.

The step-mum would certainly be learning a lesson, but so would Becky. :)

Or maybe...

A little more extreme - fake her step-mum's death. That's certainly teaching her a lesson, and might shock dear Becky out of her angst.

I'll think more...

Happy Writing. :)

[Suneila]

My first thought was faking the stepmom's death, too. Would Becky really like living without a mom at all? especially when her father expects her to become the lady of the housed (cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, etc.) I'm thinking that after a few days of all the responsibility, Becky would be okay with a small list of chores each week. Add to that eating herself sick on the second day, and plan accomplished.

~sunny

[Suneila]

Add to that: if you want the punishment to last forever, have dad leave stepmom, then continue on with Becky having all the responsibility. Granted, that ruins pretty much everybody's lives, but hey, does Elladora really care?

~sunny

[Sorrow_A]

Simple. Teach the stepmom a lesson about teaching geometry or trig, then tell the stepmom that her daughter hates her. The stepmom will simply return the hate by teaching the daughter geometry for the rest of her life. Or some other horrible math or something, like calculus. Leave the stepdaughter in horrible anger!

Or even teach the stepmom how to get millionaires to give her money. Then don't waste a penny on the stedaughter. Some sort of of good lesson.

[jnmrcs]

That isn't a bad idea.

How to hate your stpedaughter for dummies
How to made a hard life to your stepdaughter in one weekend
Crash course to crash your stepdaughter life

*Some good books, I think.*

[ethereal_fauna]

She did say to deal with her stepmother...so get her stepmother involved in some local card games. Maybe a ladies night out activity. The stepmother makes new friends, decides she's really a lesbian, and abandons the family. The distraught dad, who still loves his wife dearly, refuses to get a divorce and plans to wait it out until the wayward wife comes to her senses and returns. He cares for her child like his own, and tends to favor the stepchild more as time passes because they share a common pain.

Soon enough the brat will realize that life was much better with the stepmother around. :)

[Mother Goose]

Love the story - couldn't miss the chance to get in on the beginning of a new Shady Stoat one.

How about something more magical, like invisibility? Brat becomes invisible to stepmom, so she can't "persecute" her, but neither can she do anything helpful for her.

[Shady Stoat]

Wow! The response to this one has been great so far. Thanks all for volunteering suggestions. :cool:

I'll probably put the poll up around tuesday or so. Keep thinking... I can see the ideas getting sneakier with each passing day! ;)

[Ingrothechundyer]

I've been trying to come up with a good suggestion but the only thing that comes to mind is to send stepmom and dad to Hawaii and have them forget they have a daughter.

[Solomon Birch]

What a great story; funny and well written. Well done Ms. Stoat!

I think she should turn the stepmother into a stoat (or weasel or ferret) and have it come bite her, giving her rabies or something in the process.

Not that you have rabies.....um......*sheepish grin* :biggrin:

[Shady Stoat]

Solomon Birch wrote:
Not that you have rabies.....um......*sheepish grin* :biggrin:

*sigh* Not any more... ;)

[dragon_fire372]

Well, Becky did say to deal with her stepmother, so make a deal. Talk to the stepmom and cut some kind of aggreement with her. I haven't really figured out what that deal would be, but I was thinking something that involved military school...

[Shady Stoat]

The poll is up (with the largest set of options I've ever had to deal with).

Sorry if I couldn't fit anyone's suggestion in completely, I've tried to incorporate elements of them all.

3 days to vote. Have fun! :cool:

[LordoftheNight]

this is so going to end in a tie

i can just see it now

voted

[Smee]

I was struggling with what to vote for, some seemed very tricky to write.

But then I remembered I don't have to write it. ;)

So in the end I voted for the body swap.

Happy Writing. :)

[Chinaren]

Yes, I helped the tie with, er voting for number 3, the invisible thing sounds good to me.

[Shady Stoat]

Smee wrote: I was struggling with what to vote for, some seemed very tricky to write.

But then I remembered I don't have to write it. ;)


There's a word for people like you - and someday I'm going to find it! :P

[jnmrcs]

It's hard to make a desicion but... I did it. I voted.

[Solomon Birch]

Seeing as my 'turn Becky's stepmother into a stoat so she can give her rabes' didn't make it onto the poll, I voted to turn her invisible, as it would be funny to see (or not, *snicker*).

Anyway, can't wait for the next chapter Ms. Stoat! Keep up the impeccable writing!

[LordoftheNight]

ak, maybe i was wrong about it being a tie then

[Shady Stoat]

Great. The poll's over! :D

Urk! Look at the option you've chosen! :shock:

I'll really need to be Twisty Stoat this time around.

*whining stops, writing commences*