City of IF

[Chinaren]

Chapter 18 - Travel plans.


Synopsis:
The Bad: The Dark Queen Phang and her Evil Horde have broken the Silver Land's main defense, Fort Cra-yon, and have now taken the Gnomish Capital city Chundyer, forcing the King to flee.
The Good:Evil Homer, a renowned Paladin, and a small band are in search of the Dark Heart, a powerful artifact that could help destroy the Evil Phang and end her plans for world domination.
Split off from Homer, Duke Reg and a small party are chasing the Duke’s small sister, who has been abducted by the mysterious Sorrow, his eight headed goose and his wretched sidekick Idea Master.
Phang is also looking for the Heart, and has sent a hideous Demon to search for it too. The demon has passed through a portal guardian on the way to the Heart, but Homer has encountered a slight problem...


Cast (in no particular order):
Evil Homer as ‘The Paladin Hero’
Chainfire as Homer’s sword.
Araex as Homer’s steed.
Shanty as Captain Shanty.
Shady Stoat as The Twisted Witch.
Dragon Fire as The Dragon Guardian.

DukeReg as Oaf Duke Reginald Percival Thunderking Harwobble the Fifth.
Key as the Magical Dignified Chamber Pot.
D-Lotus as the Elven special forces commander
Solomon Birch as a misguided AlbinoDrow.

Sorrow as a mysterious robed figure.
Idea Master as his wretched minion.
Mother goose as a hydroose
Sunbellina as Duke Reg’s little sister.

Ingrothechundyer as Ingro Chundyer the Gnome King.
Reiso as Gnome Prince Reiso
Cantolope as King of the Fairies
Author as Gnomish Wizard.

Phang as The Dark Mistress
Muaddib as a wheely thing.
Lord of the Night as an Evil Demon Warrior.
Powers That Be as General Powers ‘the perverted.’
Luvd and Mr Moochie as ‘The Ravens’
Dean as the Dean the Head.
Smee as the Smee Slug.
Ethereal Fauna as Ethereal Slug.

The Fallen – Lest we forget..
Jnmrcs as the High Commander
Hyperion as the Mage.
CowofDoom666 as The Cow of Doom

And introducing…
Random as The Thing.


Sorrow

Sunbellina was tired. Her little pink shoes were all scuffed, her pink dress was dirty and torn, and her pink ribbons hung loose in her hair. She stumbled and then screamed in agony as a charge of white pain surged through her body.

“Keep up my little hag” said Sorrow pulling her on with his silver rope.

“I… I can’t walk anymore” the little girl sobbed.

“I can always have the Idea Master carry you if you are tired.” Sorrow looked around, “where did he go?”

“I’m okay! I can walk.” Sunbellina said quickly. The thought of that horrible man touching, even coming close, revolted her.

Sorrow chucked. An unpleasant sound. “Thought you may be able to. Not far now anyway.”

“Where are we going?”

“To visit an old friend of mine. I need his help with a little… procedure. The time for half measures is at an end. Now walk!”

Sunbellina stifled a sob and stumbled on after the faceless figure.

Behind her, crouched in the bushes with a headless mouse in his hands, Idea Master narrowed his eyes in thought. He absently took another bite of rodent, chewing the tiny body with relish before sighing and scurrying through the bush after them.

Homer.

“It’s coming! It’s coming!” Captain Shanty scrabbled backwards to avoid another superheated blast of fire frying her to a cinder.

Homer turned to the witch. “Witch! Do something! I can’t take on something like that myself!”

The witch’s mouth twisted in annoyance. “Well, worth a try I suppose.” She muttered to herself. Then, taking a deep breath she called out to the dragon. "You idiot! Don't you remember? We agreed to change the ingredients of my potion because the last one made you sneeze? A lot of trouble I went to and this is how you repay me? If you can't do your job properly, I'll have to find a new dragon. A less forgetful one, perhaps!"

There was a moment of silence as Fire stopped moving. Homer wondered if the dragon was thinking about the Witch’s comment or trying to locate their position. He hoped it was the first option, he didn’t fancy being broiled alive in his own armor.

“I don’t remember you saying that. I am sure I would remember. Wouldn’t I?” The dragon sounded unsure.

“Maybe I really should have found another dragon” grumbled the witch under her breath, “this one is going senile.” In a louder voice then: “My goodness Fire! It was just last century! Barely a hundred and fifty years ago! Remember, it was the time I told you about how your cousin had eaten that knight with the golden sword?”

The dragon rumbled to itself. “I remember that. Mmm. Maybe you are the witch.”

Stoat took a risk and stood up, revealing herself to the enormous creature. “Of course it is me. Who else would it be?”

Fire looked down and pawed the ground, like a cat, albeit a huge fire breathing deadly one. “Dunno..” it said.

Stoat strolled forward and stood directly infront of the dragon’s maw. Captain Shanty, peering around a rock, winced expecting the witch to be frazzled any second.

Instead Fire moved forward and twisted its head to get a better look at the witch. It sniffed again. “I don’t know. I mean you look like her…”

“Silly dragon! Of course it’s me!” Stoat’s voice softened.

“Well, maybe. So are you here to check the portal too?”

“Too? Someone else has been here?” Stoat said sharply.

“Oh, just some demon checking it out. Came through only a little while ago it did.”

Stoat slumped a little and sighed. Behind the rocks Shanty and Homer exchanged glances.

“Come to think of it, he hasn’t come out yet. I better go and check on him.” The dragon turned around and then paused. “Your friends can come out now, I won’t flame them.” It turned back and entered the cave. Stoat followed and, a little more cautiously, Homer and Shanty followed her.

The inside of the cave was initially a large tunnel which twisted around and headed down. Homer, Stoat and Shanty followed the dragon, which quickly left them behind. Large animals may look like they are walking slowly, but they take big steps.

The three bipeds followed the tunnel down and down further into the earth. The air around them, which Homer would have thought would have become cooler as they descended remained warm, and even became a little warmer.

As the tunnel began to widen they heard and enormous roar from ahead of them. Homer immediately unsheathed Chainfire and ran forward, overtaking the witch who hobbled quickly after him, muttering curses to herself.

The walls receded quickly and Homer found himself in a massive cavern which disappeared into the distance. Pools of liquid magma bubbled softly at various intervals, providing light and an answer as to the source of the heat. Ahead, in the centre of the massive cave stood a vast archway carved from white marble. Standing infront of it was Fire, cursing loudly.

Seeing no immediate threat Homer held his ground. Best let the witch deal with this one he thought.

Soon enough the witch passed him. “What is it Fire?” she wheezed. The run had left her gasping for breath.

The Dragon turned its massive head. “That no good dirty hell spawn has tricked me! I have failed you O Witch. The Portal is destroyed!”

D-Lotus.

“I told you this was a bad idea” moaned D-Lotus, his head hanging over the side of the raft. “I always hated being on water. Look how it bobbles around. The cursed thing, it’s just not natural.”

Duke Reg lifted his head up from where he was resting at the back, near the makeshift rudder. The river at this particular point was not totally flat, but it could hardly be compared to a gale force storm at sea. “Duke like water. Go fast, not walk. Everything good.” Thus exhausting his speech allowance for the afternoon he paused only to wave at Solomon, who was pacing them on his horse on the bank, and lowered his head again to rest on Key, which he was using as a makeshift pillow.

D-Lotus mumbled something about Oafs and Chamber pots before moaning again as his stomach lurched when a wave barely rippled against the raft.

The small group had decided to build the raft earlier the previous day, despite D-Lotus’s misgivings. It had enabled them to cover a lot of ground. Solomon had said they seemed to be closing on Sorrow.

“Where is he heading?” asked D-Lotus when they pulled in for the night and he had recovered from his nausea.

Solomon poked at the small campfire with a stick and looked up. “I seem to remember hearing about some sort of old Wizards’ tower, or something like that, west of here. I would say he is heading for that. Not sure why, just a feeling.”

“Wizards tower eh?” D-Lotus scratched his cheek. “That doesn’t sound promising. Damn! Staying is the sun is playing hell with my skin. I wish I had kept that mirror.”

Solomon looked at D-Lotus out of the corner of his eye. Duke sat and thought of his little sister. Key was silent, as usual.

Stoat.

“It was not your fault Fire!” The witch patted the forlorn dragon on its neck. “I should have warned you all this was happening.”

Fire said nothing. The Dragon had just sat and cursed ever since finding the portal out of action. The group had examined the controls, but the Demon had activated the portal and then somehow set it to overload, allowing him enough time to get through but ensuring it would melt-down once he was through. After a thorough examination the witch had walked back to Homer and Shanty, who were taking the chance to rest and have a bite to eat.

”It’s no good. I can repair it, but it will take weeks. The spells are not casual ones.”

“There is no way to get it back working? Even for a bit?” asked Shanty.

The witch shook her head. “No. We are done for. It won’t transport anyone for some time.”

Homer looked up. “Where exactly does the Portal lead?”

“A place many, many leagues from here, over unfriendly terrain.”

“You couldn’t transport us with magic?”

“I could do myself maybe, but for that sort of distance I would need to make a potion, and I don’t have the ingredients.” She muttered something under her breath, sounded like ‘Newt eyes.’

Shanty sat up. “But this place is of this world? Not some other dimension or magical type of place?”

Stoat nodded. “Yes, yes. It is of this world, just in a hard place to walk to.”

Shanty’s eyes sparkled. “Maybe there is another way…”


Sunbellina.

The tower loomed over the surrounding swamp, casting a dark shadow over the area. Sunbellina had to wade through gray mud and climb over twisted roots and half rotten fallen branches. Pools of murky water bubbled ominously on either side of the narrow path they were following. A misty haze covered the area and seemed to block out all the warmth of the sun. Sunbellina shivered even as she scrabbled to keep up with Sorrow.

Somewhere behind them she could here Idea Master.

Finally, at the base of the dark stone structure the path firmed up. She climbed the steep slope and then the worn steps up to the enormous black-wood door. Sorrow hammered on the thing using the skull metal knocker. The door boomed and the sound seemed to echo around the swamp. They waited. Sunbellina held her breath and then jumped as Idea Master suddenly appeared next to her.


After what seemed like an eternity the door swung open with a loud groan that sounded like a person being tortured more than just creaky hinges. Sorrow didn’t hesitate, but entered the portal pulling Sunbellina in after him.

The room beyond was dark and smelled nasty. Sunbellina wrinkled her nose and looked around, her eyes trying to adjust to the gloom. Something moved. An indistinct figure.

“Itsss beeen a longgg time Mr. Ssssorrow.” It said, drawing closer.

“Indeed Mr. Random, so it has. You keeping well I hope.” Replied Sorrow.

The figure made a noise as it saw Sunbellina. “Whatsss thisss? Have you brought meeee a pressssent?” It moved towards Sunbellina and she let out a squeak and tried to jump back. The Thing peered at her through several pairs of eyes, some of which didn’t look the same and appeared to have been sewn on to its head which was an unusual and unpleasant shade of green. Two slits for nostrils breathed noisily and a lipless mouth parted to show rotten stumps of teeth.

“Succhhh a pretty thing,” it reached out a seven fingered hand towards Sunbellina. One of the fingers dropped off as it did so.

“She’s mine Random! Not for you, not just yet anyway.”

“Perhappss jussst an eye, maybeee an earrr? I ammm allll out of thossse and my lasssst onessss fell offff the otherrr dayyy…”

“I may consider it. First though, I need something done. Something performed.”

Random swung away, much to Sunbellina’s relief. “I ammm all earssss” he said. “Metophoricalllly ssspeaking anywayyyy.”

“Good. This may be a little awkward…”

Homer.

“Not far now!” Fire bellowed over the rushing of the wind.

“Thank the Good Lord for that” said Homer. His fingers felt like ice, having had to cling onto the makeshift support for the last goodness knows how many hours.

“Oh come on Paladin! This is great!” shouted Shanty from behind him. “How many people ever get to ride on a dragon?”

“Lucky them.” Said Homer. He had discovered he didn’t like flying when Phang had catapulted him through the air at the battle of Cra-yon pass. He hadn’t enjoyed the last day and a half much more.

“Hold one!” Fire called back, “going down!”

Homer’s stomach gave a lurch as the dragon went into a steep dive through the clouds. How Fire knew where it was going was beyond him, but he had been too uncomfortable to ask. At any rate, the dragons’ huge power had flown them nearly straight to where they needed to go with only a couple of short stops along the way. He wished he could feel more grateful.

Stoat had kept to herself for the most part, but now she leaned forward. A range of mountains were below and around them. She said something to Fire and pointed, but the wind whipped her words away from the Paladin. Fire must have heard though, for the dragon banked sharply and headed for a small wooded area in a valley between two giant peaks.

Homer looked forward and saw a clearing in the trees. Standing in the middle of it was another white arch, the twin of the one back in the cavern.

Gliding in smoothly the dragon finally landed with a surprisingly light crunch next to the second portal. Homer slid quickly off and fell to the ground thankfully. Shanty followed more slowly, her face showing some regret.

“Thank-you Fire!” she said, “that was amazing!”

Fire nodded its head in recognition and held out a leg to help Stoat climb down.

One the witch was standing on terra-firma again she turned to Homer and Shanty. Pulling a cord that had been hanging around her neck off, she held out a large metal key hanging off it. “Up the mountain there is a large door.” She pointed at one of the peaks. “This key is the only sure way of passing through it. Beyond the door, through the catacombs lies the next step to the Heart.” She gave the key to Homer.

“Aren’t you coming with?” he asked.

“I will set off with you.” She said with a strange look. “Come on, no dawdling now, we’ve a ways to go yet.” She turned to Fire. “Thank-you my friend. Will you wait here for us?”

Fire nodded.

The group said their farewells to the great beast and set off through the woods. However they had only traveled for ten minutes when the witch held up a hand and stopped.

“What is it?” asked Homer.

“Something…” started the witch. “Oh no.”

“But oh yes.” Said a voice.

A dark shape stepped out from behind a tree. “I see you managed to catch up with me, even though I disabled the portal. Very clever. Still…” Lord of the Night flexed a large hand and sharp claws sprang forth, “… it shall only be a short delay for me. For you though….” He laughed. An unpleasant sound.

Homer stepped forward but Stoat held out a hand and restrained him. “Your place is not here Paladin. You must get to the Iron Door! I will delay this demon. Do not tarry, for you cannot defeat him now!”

Homer started to protest but the Stoat stepped forward. “Come on then demon! Let’s see what you are made of!” So saying she thrust her hands forward. Lord shot backwards and smashed into a small birch tree, breaking it in two.

“Go!” shouted Stoat to Homer.

Homer paused…

>>>>>>>

Okay then, Homer is a Paladin, a force for good. Would he help Stoat anyway? Or do what she says and leave? Maybe something else? Ideas and comments please!

And…

The next two episodes are going to be a drama packed! Don’t miss them!! Love and Death! Coming soon!

<<<<<<

[LordoftheNight]

i suspect he would help out, being a paladin and all - not much for thinking about the greater good - just any good

i also think he'd die at the same time

[Smee]

I don't think he will. He seems the intelligent sort so far, he'll realise a sword is no good here and let the Twisty Stoat do her thang. :)

I'm also going to put in a bid to see Lordy turned into a toad - even if it is a particularly demon-esque toad. ;) Mwahahahahahahahaha

Happy Writing :)

[Shady Stoat]

Goodo! The twisty witch gets to play the hero! Another damn fine chapter, Chiny :D

Is Evil Homer going to step into the fight and try his tricks against Lord of the Night?

I don't think so. If he runs for the Iron Door, he's got to think that there's at least the chance that Lordy will come after him instead. He won't want Evil Homer and his buddies getting to the prize before he does.

Right or wrong, he'll try for the diversion tactic and hope that the witch can survive the attack or kill the beast before it comes after him.

Go for the Iron Door and leave Twisty to her fate! :cool:

[Solomon Birch]

Ha ha ha! Great chapter Chin. Although not enough admiration of my perfectly toned Drow backside if you ask me ;)

I agree with Smee and (after I posted....) Shady. He may be a little thickheaded, but Homer will realise that he will not be of much use to Stoat, so he should go and do what she commanded.

Want more....now..... ;)

*holds breath* :shock:

[Idea master]

Indeed, purging the lands of the Demon would be a wonderous thing to do, but getting to the Iron Door would be even more helpful to the lands due to the fact of the Black Heart behind it. So he'd go for the better of two goods and to hell with the demon. Hopefully literally.

[Key]

Great chapter!

I can see that going after the object of his quest would be heroic and appealing to Evil Homer. But practically speaking, I think it makes more sense to help the witch.

The way I see it, even if Evil Homer flees, if the demon beats the witch, Evil Homer is in trouble: he's going to be entering the catacombs facing God-knows-what without his most powerful ally, and with a demon coming up behind him. I can't believe that a few minutes or an hour headstart will make much of a difference in that case. He'll probably have to end up facing the demon on his own eventually. On the other hand, if the witch beats the demon, a great evil will be destroyed and Evil Homer and Stoat will be free to pursue their quest without fear of being attacked from behind.

Evil Homer knows that the demon is more powerful than he could take on alone. But surely he could be of some help in this fight. Last time they fought it took the demon's full attention to beat Evil Homer, and the demon got so distracted that Sorrow was able to drop a chamber pot on him (a highly magical and dignified one, by the way ;)). So Evil Homer could at least improve the chances that Stoat would be able to put the demon away. I think it's his best shot.

[Smee]

Hmmmm, the highly magical and oh-so dignified Chamber pot makes a good case.

*Vaults over fence to the lush grass on the other-side*

[Chinaren]

Thanks for the comments all!

I have just realised that I need to know the outcome of his vote before I write chapter 19 with Phang and co, so I will put up the poll soon, maybe tomorrow.

Unless anyone has any other options. :?

Now I need to go away and figure out how to merge all the new bids into this! :shock:

Nice new avatar btw Stoat, but does this mean you are now a coffee brown colour?

[Shady Stoat]

I'm a shadowy weasel. I can be any colour you want me to be :D

[dragon_fire372]

Homer should stay and help the witch, I believe. As key said, if Lord can get past Stoat then he doesn't have a chance, and the demon will catch up eventually.

Here's an idea - Homer stays to help Stoat, while Shanty runs back to get Dragon. The paladin and witch should be able to hold of Lord until the other two arrive. Surely the four of them would be a match against him?

[Chinaren]

I was wondering when someone would remember Fire! :D

Good plan!

Quote: Surely the four of them would be a match against him?

Well, I had some ideas on that, but now it depends on how the bidding goes in the marketplace thread!

[ethereal_fauna]

Not much to add other than the comment that I'm waiting on the outcome of the bidding, and the poll. Although I don't think Homer would leave the Stoat, and like the idea of Fire joining in.

[Chinaren]

Okay folks. Poll is up. It is a pretty simple one but, along with the bidding in the marketplace thread, it is a fairly significant one. The results of this poll will affect the next chapter (Phang's one), so that is why the poll is up so soon.

Vote! The story hangs in the balance! :-o

[LordoftheNight]

but whose to say whether or not Fire will listen to Shanty?

aww, feth it - i want to kill a dragon - brin him in

everyone knows daemons are better than dragons anyways - why else would daemon slayer be harder to achieve than dragon slayer hmm?

[D-Lotus]

I voted to do what the witch says because we'd probably only get in her way if we fight. I am currently outnumbered, but maybe seven total strangers will unexpectedly come and change the tide in my favor. Anyway, what if Shanty refuses to get Fire because she wants to fight, just like Homer is refusing to leave? Oh and congratulations, Chinaren, for keeping up the great work. It gets more interesting every time.

[Chinaren]

Thanks for the votes and comments all! Unless something comes along and interupts me (which is entirely possible here) I plan to start writing the next mammoth chapter tonight (China time, +8hours GMT) so the bidding in the market place thread will also have to finish then. :-o

It looks like Homer is going to stay and fight with Stoat, whilst Shanty goes to get Fire.

I better get some beers in. It's going to be a hard session infront of the keyboard. :shock: :? :-D

[Chinaren]

Okay, next chapter written, so closing this thread.