City of IF

[Crymzon]

Why thankyou oh grimy one ... that I shall :D

Oh ... next chapter coming soon by the way

[Thracia Alba]

Yeah, don't even let it trouble you, Crymzon. I've been in your situation before (my best friend had to get heart surgery a couple years back), so I know what you must be going through right now. Just take your time, and we'll be here to pelt things at you-- uh, I mean, give you our full support. :D

[Idea master]

Bah, none of you listened to me! One large explosion would cure all of your problems.
Sure, you'd be slightly living impared, but you'd have no more problems!

[The White Blacksmith]

It's the slightly living impaired bit we're not so sure about

[Thracia Alba]

Patience, O Whitesmith. Rome wasn't built in an egg, you know.

[Ravenwing]

LOL. I am sure you meant a day, Alba.

[Thracia Alba]

If I had meant to say "day", I would have said "day". And I think we can all agree that Rome was not, in fact, built within an egg. It's one of those precious few facts of which we can be sure. ;)


(You never watched Rugrats when you were a kid, did you?)

[The Powers That Be]

Thracia Alba wrote: Patience, O Whitesmith. Rome wasn't built in an egg, you know.

Of course not. That was Naples.

[Thracia Alba]

Exactly.

[Ravenwing]

Nope. Never had cable as a kid. Obviously I am totally out of the loop when it comes to this.

[Thracia Alba]

Oh man, that was a good show. Back before the days of fart humor, bad animation, and random stupidness trying to be passed off for decent comedic writing. You know, back when they made good cartoons for kids. Anyway, Rugrats was a cartoon that was from the view of these babies, and it was cool because aside from the fact that it had great writing and lovable characters, it provided an interesting perspective on the adult world, as seen from a more innocent, honest POV. These days, if I see an old episode, I can actually get some more of the adult references (nothing nasty, just jokes that only grown-ups would get, like when one of the parents called the next-door neighbor's house the "Payton Place"). These babies were always mispronouncing common phrases, and would make amusing statements such as "As Bob as my witness", and "Rome wasn't built in an egg", which is where my comment came from. I guess you never forget some things. ;)

[Argonaut]

Sorry to keep hijacking but... Rugrats! oh I wish they still made cartoons like it. The current state of animation depresses me, it being my chosen profession.

Back on the subject... Great story! I'm drawn to all the IFian character stories. Makes me want to be a part of them, I love to play the hero :) Of course in mirror IF I'd have to be a villain then wouldn't I :( ahh well. So much reading, so little time.

[Mother Goose]

So much reading indeed! I just last night caught up on this one, thanks to the Ten Best list. Great idea and funny story, Crymmy. Hope your friend is better soon so we can have another chapter.

[The White Blacksmith]

MG!! You've changede your Av! I prefered the old one, but if you were going to change it you could at lest have used the strange old lady one from ages back (you never actually used it, but it was suggested). Anyway, I've just realized I've got more posts than you! :shock: :scared:

[Ravenwing]

Does it really matter? The one you should be looking up to is Lordy here, who has the most posts. Of course me being egotistical would say, I am only second to him. :D

[Mother Goose]

What strange old lady one? I don't remember seeing it. It might have worked, but maybe I rejected it as being too close to RL. Anyway, I think the snow goose is pretty.

You've got more fables than I have, too - I'm slow.

[Chinaren]

Rave wrote: Does it really matter? The one you should be looking up to is Lordy here, who has the most posts. Of course me being egotistical would say, I am only second to him.

lordofthenight wrote: You're coming pretty close to me now though Rave - it's because I got mself a second account. My post count has slowed because of it.

Well guys, I think you could both post a little less myself. Sometimes (and please note I said sometimes here) your posts are a little spam like. Less quantity and more quality.

[Solomon Birch]

Hear Hear!

[Crymzon]

Right just so as you all know I'm back ... I'm praying officially this time and if you want to know where I was I was in hospital on a drip leaking puss ... in that order FOR OVER A WEEK! *ahem* much better now thankyou and I'll get on with the plot as soon as my medicine addled mind can handle it.

[LordoftheNight]

What was wrong - of you don't mind us asking?

Maybe you could work it into a story?

[Thracia Alba]

Poor Crymmy! :( I hope you get well soon! You just rest and take your time, don't let the rest of us *glares at everyone else* rush you.

[Chinaren]

Glad to have you back Crymo. I have been stuck on that durned ladder far too long!

[Ravenwing]

I PMed you back, Crymmy. :D Glad to see you're somewhat back on your feet.

[Crymzon]

Thanks Thracia love ya hon ;)

To answer yer question Lordy I've had a nice big infected lump in my ear for a while but the antibiotics were clearing it we though ... they didn't know it'd infected elsewhere too ... my throat for instance witch decided it really wanted to close up. As not being able to breath is concidered somewhat of an issue by learned medical types I was in hospital.

And thirdly the next chapter will be with you either later tonight or more realistically tomorrow now, I've just updated Spellforge finally this is my next job before I take on the Deleria ... then I have to go and pull Gangland up of its rear. Man this is why I don't take time off if I can help it :D

[The White Blacksmith]

You're not dead! Three cheers for Crymmy!

One of my friends had a blood clot in her ear and it was blocking off her brain. But then she had it removed and had to have loads of precaustions. Like now, two years later, she can finally wash er hair instead of using elaborayte methods.

[Mother Goose]

Glad you're back, Crymmy. Infections are sneaky things and we're all happy it's finally under control.

[Solomon Birch]

Yep, good to see ya again Crym. Glad your feeling better. Sounded nasty :shock:

[Crymzon]

Man it's loverly to have friends ... cheers for the kind words writerly dude and dudettes!

Right I suppose you'll be wanting the next chapter then? Lets get China off that ladder shall we?

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Chapter 7 - Flakes and Ladders

Smee gulped ... he felt like the mole in one of those hilarious, addictive and financially draining wacking games. He was a very good miner. He didn't want to be minor his head in the process.

"Now this is a bit of a predicament isn't it?" He squeeked. "You see this is the problem with tunneling .. you never know where you're going to wind up do you? I mean ... I thought this was another booth ... that ... that just happened to look somewhat like ..."

He trailed off into a quiet mumble and closed his eyes waiting for the inevitable.

Crymzon just shoock his head.

"Come on then. Out of the hole. I can't get a really good swing if you're down there."

Smee opened one of his eyes into a squint before climbing out completely and standing next to Crymzon who in turn was looking slightly perplexed at the other heads and finally bodies that where appearing from the void in the floor.

China felt movement above and with a vague sigh of relief scurried up the ladder faster than a rat on a drain pipe with a cat attached to its bottom. That Rai woman was a very scary lady and he had a feeling that even the entirity of the bird brigade and all their pellety doom wouldn't be able to hold her off for long regardless of whether or not she was with her big hulking companions. He shouted below him as he went.

"Erm Thracia ... deal with that will you ... I have to be somewhere else at the moment. Tell the mad journalist I'll speak to her when I have a window ... to jump out of."

Whether Thracia heard him or not was debateable. She and her squad had dropped from the bottom of the ladder and where attempting with some futility to apprehend Rai.

Though the reporter appeared to be on her own she was in the thick of it like a wolverine that has just been told you've run over his dog and eaten his mother while you're simultaniously poking him with a large stick. Amidst rapidly moving yellow streaks, a large muck cloud and fragments of conversation such as: "Will ya just c'mere!," "Well thats not a very nice thing to say," and, "You have your elbow in my armpit," obscenities could be heard that where more unprintable than that great collective effort by the dull, pointless and utterly boring society, "And Then."

The ladder was now clear. Crymzon's booth however was bulging slightly from the sheer amount of forms that had erupted into it. As he was sardined in the middle of them all thoughts of sledge hammer related vengence had been forced to a halt. All the crimson clad security guard could do was let out a miserable whine.

"Why in the name of all that is IFian are you in my booth!!"

China managed to poke his head through the sandwiched forms.

"Because I have a proposal for you. If you'll be so kind?"

"Then will you get out of my booth?" Crymzon sobbed.

"Absolutely! You're wish is my command. Now how much does Muaddib pay you?"

"He doesn't. I haven't changed my clothes or underwear for nearly five years now ..."

The crushed mumble from the rest of the crowd hushed to a series of comments about personal hygiene. Crymzon continued unphased.

"It's driving me mad. Standing around all day ... stamping ... not stamping ... its very stressful. At least I have by best friend in the whole world Cindy here to keep me company. I love you Cindy"

He lovingly stroked the head of the now redundent sledgehammer. It was also clearly evident that this guy was as mad as a sardine can full of pirahna. China realised that this may be easier than expected.

"Well if you come with us you can find Cindy some new playmates. You can do as much or as little stamping as you like and we'll pay you. Get you some nice new clothes too." China winced thinking ... "Even if it will take industrial cutting gear and a team of highly trained anti-biological warfare specialists to get you out of those trousers."

Trying to erase that horrid image from his mind China grasped the end of what he was planning to say with both hands and pulled hard. He thanked his lucky stars that he was able to conclude the dialogue.

"So what do you say?"

Crymzon thought for a second before blubbing softly.

"Will I get a little booth of my very own in the country somewhere?"

China nodded. This was way too easy.

"Yes I'm sure we can arrange that. Lets just get rid of your megalomaniacle boss and his little cronies first. When we restore order you and Cindy can retire happily somewhere."

"Promise?"

China chuckled.

"I promise."

Crymzon beamed.

"Hear that Cindy? We can get married someday! We can finally afford to have children! I'll do it! Now get! Out! OF MY BOOTH!"

China nodded with a smile.

"Certainly. Troops you heard the nice man ... out we get." He peered down the hole. "Thracia how are you doing with the crazy devil woman?"

A militant voice echoed back up the shaft.

"Target neutralised sir! Bringing her for questioning sir!"

As the booth emptied the commandoes appeared from the hole. One of the larger of them was carrying a hog tied Kalanna over his shoulder. This was the first time in a long time this woman must have been able to keep quiet. This of course may have had something to do with the sack of birdseed stuck in her mouth. China grinned.

"Well done Thracia! I'll promote you and your men to something later. In the mean time lets get a move on before we have a wall of guards to face. Bring mighty mouth there would you? I have a proposition for her later."

"Sir yes Sir!"

She motioned to her men who all neatly filed out of the booth followed by China and eventually Crymzon who gave the door a loving kiss as he closed it.

The group moved from the booth area to the main gate of the bigger mine complex that surrounded the main shaft. China failed to realise why he hadn't seen all these other buildings on his way in. Massive warehouses packed full of salt. He assumed he must have had gained a temporary tunnel vision caused by lack of funds. Certainly the vision of tunnels was something that he'd had more than enough of.

Standing outside the main entrance to this larger area where a small group of men in tight black latex uniforms. At the front of which was a man addressing a couple of rather badly beaten up guards. China motioned to Smee who wandered up besides him.

"Who's the cover model for S&M monthly over there?"

Smee looked at him perplexed.

"Surely you know! Thats the Lord!"

"The Lord?"

"Lord of the Night Watch! The head of Muaddib's secret police. He's notorious for what he can do with a whip and a pineapple if given the chance. He's a real sadist ..."

China cut him off.

"Smee?"

"Yes boss?"

"He's looking directly at us."

Indeed the black clad group strutted over to the revolutionaries. China may have been able to bluff his way past the man but for the mumbling hog tied reporter they where carrying with them. Lord looked at China darkly.

"What have we here then?"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Right how does he talk his way out of this one?

[LordoftheNight]

Woo - I finally made that appearance as the Night Watch I was promised all those months ago.

Could he sprout some giberish about Rai reporting lies about the Great McDibsky? And they're taking her to recieve his judgement?

[The White Blacksmith]

They could say that she had been reporting about a war they were having with OF when a truce was called but she carried on defacing their name and it had only now been realized, and after all, wasn't that what they were here for?

[Alegria]

Finally caught up to this hilarious story, just one thing

COMMUNIST WOMEN'S WORKER'S UNION!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :-o :-o :-o :scared: :scared: :scared: :oops: :oops:

Anyway, now that that's settled, let's try Lordy's idea.

[jnmrcs]

Try to convince him that you are doing an expirement. Something like, "How much time the reporter could be silent without commit suicide"... Ok, let's try lord idea then...

[The White Blacksmith]

Tell them that under a new law issued today, if someone is under arrest citizens are allowed to make the arrest if they deliver the suspect to the night police.

[Crymzon]

Right now these are all very good ideas but eventually China wants to get Rai on side so he'll need to work this so that the Night Watch don't take her away or she'll be no good to them.

[Shady Stoat]

Hmm. It seems to me that if the Lord is such a famed sadist, then he'll want victims, yeah?

It's obvious then. Your respect for the Night Watch is so high that you've got together and rustled up a bit of a treat for its leader. Unfortunately, you haven't been able to get hold of the whip or the pineapple, but the important thing - the victim to use the implements on - is right here for the taking.

Then, when Lordy is playing with his new toy, get out of there as quickly as possible :D

[LordoftheNight]

No - I like that idea. Sorry Rai - no offense intended :grin:

[Chinaren]

Hurrah!! I am finally off that ladder! Nice chapter Crymo!

Have to go to work now, :( but I will come back to this one.

[Ravenwing]

LOL. Absolutely hilarious chapter to read, Crymmy. Let's see China's travelling up the ladder to Lordy's interesting fetish with pineapples and whips was the best part to read.

Well China could say that he was going to be testing people out to appease Lordy's sadistic activities, but he needed to do it before he gave anyone to Lordy.

[The White Blacksmith]

Just bribe them. With Smee's money. And, if he has none, with Smee's internal organs.

[Crymzon]

Mmm Smee's internal dangly bits .... thanks a lot for that image Black It was one that I never EVER wanted. :shock: