City of IF

[Mother Goose]

Glad you're back, Crymmy. Infections are sneaky things and we're all happy it's finally under control.

[Solomon Birch]

Yep, good to see ya again Crym. Glad your feeling better. Sounded nasty :shock:

[Crymzon]

Man it's loverly to have friends ... cheers for the kind words writerly dude and dudettes!

Right I suppose you'll be wanting the next chapter then? Lets get China off that ladder shall we?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 7 - Flakes and Ladders

Smee gulped ... he felt like the mole in one of those hilarious, addictive and financially draining wacking games. He was a very good miner. He didn't want to be minor his head in the process.

"Now this is a bit of a predicament isn't it?" He squeeked. "You see this is the problem with tunneling .. you never know where you're going to wind up do you? I mean ... I thought this was another booth ... that ... that just happened to look somewhat like ..."

He trailed off into a quiet mumble and closed his eyes waiting for the inevitable.

Crymzon just shoock his head.

"Come on then. Out of the hole. I can't get a really good swing if you're down there."

Smee opened one of his eyes into a squint before climbing out completely and standing next to Crymzon who in turn was looking slightly perplexed at the other heads and finally bodies that where appearing from the void in the floor.

China felt movement above and with a vague sigh of relief scurried up the ladder faster than a rat on a drain pipe with a cat attached to its bottom. That Rai woman was a very scary lady and he had a feeling that even the entirity of the bird brigade and all their pellety doom wouldn't be able to hold her off for long regardless of whether or not she was with her big hulking companions. He shouted below him as he went.

"Erm Thracia ... deal with that will you ... I have to be somewhere else at the moment. Tell the mad journalist I'll speak to her when I have a window ... to jump out of."

Whether Thracia heard him or not was debateable. She and her squad had dropped from the bottom of the ladder and where attempting with some futility to apprehend Rai.

Though the reporter appeared to be on her own she was in the thick of it like a wolverine that has just been told you've run over his dog and eaten his mother while you're simultaniously poking him with a large stick. Amidst rapidly moving yellow streaks, a large muck cloud and fragments of conversation such as: "Will ya just c'mere!," "Well thats not a very nice thing to say," and, "You have your elbow in my armpit," obscenities could be heard that where more unprintable than that great collective effort by the dull, pointless and utterly boring society, "And Then."

The ladder was now clear. Crymzon's booth however was bulging slightly from the sheer amount of forms that had erupted into it. As he was sardined in the middle of them all thoughts of sledge hammer related vengence had been forced to a halt. All the crimson clad security guard could do was let out a miserable whine.

"Why in the name of all that is IFian are you in my booth!!"

China managed to poke his head through the sandwiched forms.

"Because I have a proposal for you. If you'll be so kind?"

"Then will you get out of my booth?" Crymzon sobbed.

"Absolutely! You're wish is my command. Now how much does Muaddib pay you?"

"He doesn't. I haven't changed my clothes or underwear for nearly five years now ..."

The crushed mumble from the rest of the crowd hushed to a series of comments about personal hygiene. Crymzon continued unphased.

"It's driving me mad. Standing around all day ... stamping ... not stamping ... its very stressful. At least I have by best friend in the whole world Cindy here to keep me company. I love you Cindy"

He lovingly stroked the head of the now redundent sledgehammer. It was also clearly evident that this guy was as mad as a sardine can full of pirahna. China realised that this may be easier than expected.

"Well if you come with us you can find Cindy some new playmates. You can do as much or as little stamping as you like and we'll pay you. Get you some nice new clothes too." China winced thinking ... "Even if it will take industrial cutting gear and a team of highly trained anti-biological warfare specialists to get you out of those trousers."

Trying to erase that horrid image from his mind China grasped the end of what he was planning to say with both hands and pulled hard. He thanked his lucky stars that he was able to conclude the dialogue.

"So what do you say?"

Crymzon thought for a second before blubbing softly.

"Will I get a little booth of my very own in the country somewhere?"

China nodded. This was way too easy.

"Yes I'm sure we can arrange that. Lets just get rid of your megalomaniacle boss and his little cronies first. When we restore order you and Cindy can retire happily somewhere."

"Promise?"

China chuckled.

"I promise."

Crymzon beamed.

"Hear that Cindy? We can get married someday! We can finally afford to have children! I'll do it! Now get! Out! OF MY BOOTH!"

China nodded with a smile.

"Certainly. Troops you heard the nice man ... out we get." He peered down the hole. "Thracia how are you doing with the crazy devil woman?"

A militant voice echoed back up the shaft.

"Target neutralised sir! Bringing her for questioning sir!"

As the booth emptied the commandoes appeared from the hole. One of the larger of them was carrying a hog tied Kalanna over his shoulder. This was the first time in a long time this woman must have been able to keep quiet. This of course may have had something to do with the sack of birdseed stuck in her mouth. China grinned.

"Well done Thracia! I'll promote you and your men to something later. In the mean time lets get a move on before we have a wall of guards to face. Bring mighty mouth there would you? I have a proposition for her later."

"Sir yes Sir!"

She motioned to her men who all neatly filed out of the booth followed by China and eventually Crymzon who gave the door a loving kiss as he closed it.

The group moved from the booth area to the main gate of the bigger mine complex that surrounded the main shaft. China failed to realise why he hadn't seen all these other buildings on his way in. Massive warehouses packed full of salt. He assumed he must have had gained a temporary tunnel vision caused by lack of funds. Certainly the vision of tunnels was something that he'd had more than enough of.

Standing outside the main entrance to this larger area where a small group of men in tight black latex uniforms. At the front of which was a man addressing a couple of rather badly beaten up guards. China motioned to Smee who wandered up besides him.

"Who's the cover model for S&M monthly over there?"

Smee looked at him perplexed.

"Surely you know! Thats the Lord!"

"The Lord?"

"Lord of the Night Watch! The head of Muaddib's secret police. He's notorious for what he can do with a whip and a pineapple if given the chance. He's a real sadist ..."

China cut him off.

"Smee?"

"Yes boss?"

"He's looking directly at us."

Indeed the black clad group strutted over to the revolutionaries. China may have been able to bluff his way past the man but for the mumbling hog tied reporter they where carrying with them. Lord looked at China darkly.

"What have we here then?"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Right how does he talk his way out of this one?

[LordoftheNight]

Woo - I finally made that appearance as the Night Watch I was promised all those months ago.

Could he sprout some giberish about Rai reporting lies about the Great McDibsky? And they're taking her to recieve his judgement?

[The White Blacksmith]

They could say that she had been reporting about a war they were having with OF when a truce was called but she carried on defacing their name and it had only now been realized, and after all, wasn't that what they were here for?

[Alegria]

Finally caught up to this hilarious story, just one thing

COMMUNIST WOMEN'S WORKER'S UNION!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :-o :-o :-o :scared: :scared: :scared: :oops: :oops:

Anyway, now that that's settled, let's try Lordy's idea.

[jnmrcs]

Try to convince him that you are doing an expirement. Something like, "How much time the reporter could be silent without commit suicide"... Ok, let's try lord idea then...

[The White Blacksmith]

Tell them that under a new law issued today, if someone is under arrest citizens are allowed to make the arrest if they deliver the suspect to the night police.

[Crymzon]

Right now these are all very good ideas but eventually China wants to get Rai on side so he'll need to work this so that the Night Watch don't take her away or she'll be no good to them.

[Shady Stoat]

Hmm. It seems to me that if the Lord is such a famed sadist, then he'll want victims, yeah?

It's obvious then. Your respect for the Night Watch is so high that you've got together and rustled up a bit of a treat for its leader. Unfortunately, you haven't been able to get hold of the whip or the pineapple, but the important thing - the victim to use the implements on - is right here for the taking.

Then, when Lordy is playing with his new toy, get out of there as quickly as possible :D

[LordoftheNight]

No - I like that idea. Sorry Rai - no offense intended :grin:

[Chinaren]

Hurrah!! I am finally off that ladder! Nice chapter Crymo!

Have to go to work now, :( but I will come back to this one.

[Ravenwing]

LOL. Absolutely hilarious chapter to read, Crymmy. Let's see China's travelling up the ladder to Lordy's interesting fetish with pineapples and whips was the best part to read.

Well China could say that he was going to be testing people out to appease Lordy's sadistic activities, but he needed to do it before he gave anyone to Lordy.

[The White Blacksmith]

Just bribe them. With Smee's money. And, if he has none, with Smee's internal organs.

[Crymzon]

Mmm Smee's internal dangly bits .... thanks a lot for that image Black It was one that I never EVER wanted. :shock:

[Alegria]

*Gagging noises*

have Phang say that she's desperately in love with Lordy. It may not work, it may get them all killed, but it would be funny.

[The White Blacksmith]

I still like my internal organs.We could get Key (a beggar, naturally) to produce more when Lordy has eaten Smee's. Or, you know, we could not. ;)

[Starwalker]

China outrageously lies then lies some more.

If your going to go down as a black sheep, ya may as well act like on.

[elektra]

Hi folks I'm new here and it's all down to Crymzon and an invisable cuppa...... he's so good at putting off putting the kettle on, while showing me his latest work he has hooked me on the site.......

Anywho, as China is obviously a bit of a pinnochio here, he should use it to his advantage. While he is the defector surely to deflect the attention away from him he could use his hostage. He could claim that while her broadcasts had been loyal to maudib she was found orchastrating a coup! and as the good and loyal servants of Maudib he and his commerades wanted to teach her a lesson in loyalty and where just heading somewhere (not figured where) to 'persuade' her tow the political line and teach some new ways of using pineapple because by the time they've finished she'll be licking his feet to be accepted!...........

we all know he has the gift of the gab!!!

[Chinaren]

We could say we are pineapple merchants! Just off to buy a new batch. :D

[elektra]

You know China thats so simple it might just work. Its not like they seem to be the most intelligent of people. Having said that since when has anyone in power been overly smart............... Can we ma Maudib choke on a pineapple chunk instead of a preztal...............lol

[Muaddib]

Muaddib Muaddib Muaddib. Notice the 'u' coming before the 'a'.

[The White Blacksmith]

Argggh! It's an obsessive comunist! Take cover, take cover!

*hides behind sofa*

[Starwalker]

Chinaren, if any of you guys own a bar, pineapple chucks could be used in the drinks. :D

[elektra]

ok get the message
MUADDIB is that better sir
I'm sorry to have caused offence


lol ;) (hangs head in shame)

[Kalanna Rai]

Tell the Lord of the Night Watch that your amature sadists and that you picked the reporter because she was the only one persuing you to the ends of the earth. Then ask him to polietly move before I stop struggling because that would ruin the fun.

Then you better explain to me that by playing along you'll not only save my skin but give me the juciest story ever for being a good ally.

[elektra]

So that would be somewhere in between bribarby and blackmail.....................cant wait for crymo to get writing again ........ the suspence bro, its killing me............................lol maybe not quite killing me but boy get your finger working ;)

[The White Blacksmith]

I reaaaly want the internal organs to win.

[elektra]

cant wait to see crymo writing gore and guts in his comic mode



gonna be nasty ...................side spiltin infact............... oh more gore..... excuse the pun

[The White Blacksmith]

Just persuade him to put up the poll then internal organs WILL overthrow the commies.

[Ingrothechundyer]

Ooh we have a captive reporter. A sledge hammer lovin feller. Beat up guards. And of course the canary comandos.

Sounds like we need to quickly convince the guards we found who beat them up and promise to help them avoid Lordy's 'punishment'. The Canary comandos can cover China's esacpe when the battle starts. :lol:

[elektra]

I have just poked Crymzon in the ribs and he assures me he will be onto the forum by the weekend!!!!

(Shall we celebrate now or later?)
LOL :lol:

[The White Blacksmith]

I really want the poll to come up cause I really wanna see how he copes with internal organs idea.