City of IF

[Ravenwing]

Looks like I went with the majority. All the other ideas didn't seem to fit logically in the plot.

[Starwalker]

I like the consept of appearances being deceiving

[JezSharp]

Hey Whitey,

Ok, quite good. Perhaps a bit more depth/background to some of the characters would work quite well.

Another good thing to do would be to perhaps highlight the chapters and move it to size 14, although these are minor improvements really.

Also:
Quote: Jadyfet was pulled along miserably. He had been betrayed. He knew it! They should never have told the teams. He continued to think in this miserable was until a hatch opened and he was flung along a long pipe. There he landed on a scruffy heap right on top of Jadyfet.

from chapter 3 - I assume one of the 'Jadyfet' entries is actually Cder, unless he landed on top of himself :lol: .

Definately has a promising plot line Whitey, will be interesting to see what happens next.

[The White Blacksmith]

Thanks for that and sorry, I seem to have forgotten about this one. Ah well. Here you are!

Chapter whichever-one-we're-up-to part one (I know that much!)

"Harjsad? Is that you?" Jadyfet blinked his eyes at the figure in the doorway. It seemed a lot more haggard and a lot less cheery than last time they had met.

"Yes, and I've brought some of the boys from the old group and some of the workers from the group I was assigned to. I was in a Warrior Training group of about 30. Turns out a lot of the normal people don't want to fight this time too. But we're pirates. This whole Station is a home to pirates! We can't go back to Tsoah and we can't just send the ambassadors home. We're in a rut, you see, and the Rebellion members have decided to get you as a leader."

"The WHA??? You're having a rebellion?"

"Shhh! Keep your voice down! Yes we have one, but only with you to plan it for us! Now, get out of this cell!"

Jadyfet woke Cder up quickly and filled him in on what was happening. They got ready quickly. It would be bliss to get out of the cell.

After hurrieing along the passways they were finally hidden inside a cabin. They would be safe there, it was promised. They could only, however, stay the night because there was a cabin check the next morning and thus they would not be able to remain unfound.

At 4 A.M they were smuggled into the discontinued conference rooms that had ben used by the discontinued teams. Here they begamne making their plans...

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O.k, what are their plans? Sorry for the short chapter but I was tired and had to give you something soon. Part two will be coming soon, this is just until my order of idearium arrives.



Stupid darn Mage... Them bloody Extrordanaires think they can get away with anything...

[JezSharp]

Ummm, sweep through the ship and kill them all :biggrin: ...
I'm rather short of the precious idearium too so that'll have to do for now until I can think of something more origional.

[solus.serpen]

lol, ok, i F5 Jez. Short but sweet chapter :).

[The White Blacksmith]

O.k, it seems that's the noly option we have, so I'll add a few more and put up a poll.

[The White Blacksmith]

The poll results were:

Sweep through the ship and kill em all!

At the moment a picture for this story is next on Argo's list. I'll wait for that till I write the next part, although I'm wrking on it, I promise.

[Kalanna Rai]

Just caught up to this one Whitey and, after a few moments spent scratching my head, I voted since I couldn't add anything. I would like a little more background though, and maybe a little more about the charaters themselves since it seems kinda like a blind decision so far.

Just a couple of thoughts as I awaite your next chappy.

[The White Blacksmith]

Here's the piccy Argo drew up. I'll get right onto that next chappy, I promise. :)