City of IF

[Random]

This is chapter 1. It's long but I hope you find it amusing. :)

There is nothing in a sailor’s heart that can match a clear sky, a strong breeze, the rhythmic rocking of the hushed waters, and a lot of strong rum on board. Talon the One-eye on the other hand, was no sailor. He loved as much as the next the clear blue sky, but he burned rather easily. A good strong breeze was also a treat for him, except it always seem to throw spit back in his face. And what man could resist strong rum? Well Talon could. He preferred the sweet wines and if he had his choice, he would drink pineapple juice year around!

Talon was no sailor, he was a pirate. The fourth most feared pirate sailing the great waters. Talon could probably have been the most feared, if he had been born a normal cutthroat individual. Perhaps had he had a bad childhood, that might have given him the nastiness he needed to be truly feared. Perhaps if he really only had one eye instead of simply moving a patch around, people would take him more seriously.

Instead Talon the One-eye was a rather kind hearted soul, who liked shiny objects as much as the next. Talon had always been a bit squeamish at the sight of blood but he was getting better at that. His lady friend Honest had been helping him get over that part. No, not in the way you are probably thinking. Honest was very patient and merely showed him some blood every day so he could get used to the sight. She started out with a dab of blood on a napkin, but Talon had advanced quickly and could now look at a full mug of blood without getting sick.

It is better not to ask where Honest got all the blood though. Honest, you see, was a vampire.

Talon’s ship was named the Scurvy Bottom. His crew all thought that was a very pirate sounding name. Once Talon had found Honest’s coffin room on the ship, she had quickly gone about hanging curtains and painting wondrous pieces of art. She was the ships cook as well, and it was widely known that Talon’s crew ate the finest meals. In return, a crew member would come up missing every so often. A small price to pay for a life of luxury, had been Talon’s motto for the crew.

Oddly enough, Talon had a very dependable and trusty crew. They followed him, although the Gods alone know why. In return, Talon paid them very well and treated each person as an individual that was an important cog in the machine that was his crew. Even Old Sharky, the man whose only job seemed to be oiling the door hinges, was treated well.

Talon stood on the bow of the Scurvy Bottom and looked to the wide open ocean before him. His face was a little paler than usual today, probably because he had put too much sunscreen on again. The sun screen was an odd coconut smelling concoction Honest made for anyone who wanted it. She called it SPF 400 but no one really knew what that meant. It worked though, and that was all that mattered. In fact it worked so well that several members would wear it at night to actually loose some of their tan.

“Hard to starboard, Jennings!” Talon shouted at the man behind the wheel. When there was no response Talon checked over his shoulder to see Jennings leaning heavily on the wheel, his chest rising and falling in a slow pattern. Talon sighed deeply and prepared to wait out his helmsman’s affliction. Jennings had a problem falling asleep at weird times. Honest had called him a narcoleper or something.

Jennings jerked awake and looked around confused. Talon quickly took his gaze from the man and shouted his order again. This time Jenning’s shouted the order back and the ship started to turn. There on the coast was their next target. The coastal city of Beach.

“Garrr, we’ll be headin’ east and straight into the town men!” Talon said to his crew who had gathered on the deck to watch the proceedings. “This ain’t no beauty stop boys! Grab the loot and get yer sea legs back to the ship. Let the land dogs know we’re comin! Once we are in range fire the 9 pounder! Unleash our wave of violence upon the hapless, fresh water drinking, ale swillers!

“But make sure ye fire over the village! We don’t want to… uhmmmm…. Destroy any of the pretties lads! HAR HAR HAR!!!!” Talon laughed. The crew joined him slowly. “Did ye get that boys?”

Only the blank looks from his trusty crew answered him.

“Sir,” came a voice from the back. There was a collective gasp that hung suspended in the air, like the accusing beam of a lantern in the face of the shadpws.

“Who dared to speak without raising yer hand?” Talon asked in his most menacing voice. “Which of ye curs has invoked me wrath?”

A hand quickly shot up and the hand began waving about a bit. “It was I, sir,” the voice replied. The crowd parted to view the offender, a young lad by the name of Dumpling. He was a bit on the heavy side for one his age and carried the soft look of an easy life. He was the newest member of Talon’s crew, brought on as a favor to his brother. Talon blew out another sigh, and raised his dark eyes to meet the boys youthful exuberance.

“Do ye know the penalty fer speaking out at a general assembly without raising yer hand?” Talon asked. Dumpling shook his head. “Yer new so I’ll let ye off with a warning this time lad, but next time ye suffer the full effects all the other rulebreakers get on me ship! Are ye clear on that?”

“Uhmmm… not really sir,” Dumpling said, his hand still in the air. “I didn’t quite catch what you said.”

“Put yer hand down boy! I already started talking to ya! Din’t yer father ever put ye through a proper schoolin’!” Talon shouted. His crew quickly looked away from his furious eyes.

“What sir?” Dumpling responded, now completely confused.

“Oh for the love of all that is holy Dumpling,” Talon shouted, his pirate accent completely gone. “Why did Phillip ever put you on this boat? I asked you if you had any proper schooling?”

“Oh, yes sir,” Dumpling replied with a beaming smile at no longer being confused. “Mummy wished that I go to the Oxford University when I am able!”

Talon rubbed his forehead and breathed deeply the salty ocean air. Finally he turned back to the boy. “What do you want, Dumpling?”

Dumpling looked confused again. Suddenly he brightened, “Oh I remember sir! I was going to ask if we were there yet?”

“No Dumpling.” Talon responded grimly. “And if ye ask again ye goat eating, milk drinking, flubber cheeked, land dweller, ye’ll be cleanin’ the anchor again!” That shut the boy up.

“PIRATES!” came a call from above. Talon looked up to see Smitty the Eagle in the crow’s nest shouting at them.

“Yes Smitty, we all be pirates!” Talon shouted back.

“No captain,” Smitty yelled back down. It was always funny to Talon to watch someone speak from up there. Their lips were moving but it took a heartbeat for the words to reach their ears. So the words were a bit behind what they were actually saying. Talon had a ton of scripts ready in case the theatre ever happened to be made into moving pictures like Honest talked about. He saw a lot of hand to hand fighting in them, since that was something he was rightly feared for. “What I meant was there are pirates ahead!”

Talon turned quickly and saw the ship off in the distance. There was no doubt it was a pirate ship, Smitty the Eagle might be a bit dashed in his head and sometimes saw things that weren’t there, like mermaids, but when his eyes could see great distances, even at night. Talon raised his telescope to his uncovered eye and peered through it.

“Dang it!” Talon swore as he saw the red and black flag that was flying atop the huge mast. “It’s Malinor the Crooked!”

“He’s the fifth most feared pirate sir,” a scallywag by the name of Humphries shouted. Talon noted his hand was properly in the air, although normal protocol required for a person to be noticed before responding. Talon was loose with such regulations when his back was turned.

“Aye, he is at that one ye beer bellied, shrimp lover,” Talon noted collapsing his spyglass. “He’ll be lookin fer a fight for that town!” A hand went up. “Aye, Dennis, speak yer piece!”

“Sir he has the giant on his crew! They have been quickly gaining in the pirate ranks. Last week the giant carried the boat and the crew across land so they could beat us here!”

“How do ye be knowing that, Dennis?”

“I found a note in a bottle that said so.”

“And did ye e’er think ye burnt dove dropping, that maybe they put it there to scare us off? Has anyone of us e’er seen this giant?” No one answered. “As I thought. But the choice is yers me crew! What do ye suggest?”

Please offer up some suggestions on what they should do. Try their luck against Malinor and try taking the treasure in the city? Let Malinor take the city then raid Malinor's ship? Anything and everything is open.

[Mordok]

Hahahahahaha Random. Great stuff.
I never dreamed that you would actually use the pirate thing. Plus, you threw a vampire in. :lol: Instant classic.

As for what to do, I offer my standard response to pirates. Drink more rum.

Ok, actually, I think Talon should wait till the other pirates go into the town, and steal their ship. That should push The Scurvy Bottom up a notch on the pirate charts. Its all about the rankings.

[Reiso]

Random wrote: “PIRATES!” came a call from above. Talon looked up to see Smitty the Eagle in the crow’s nest shouting at them.

“Yes Smitty, we all be pirates!” Talon shouted back.

This line right here made me laugh the hardest I can remember laughing at anything I have read on the internet. Awesome job Random. It almost reminds of all that is good about Pirates of Penzance

I can't wait to see how you work Ninja into this. As for my two cents, I agree with Mordok; Let Malinor do the work, then take them when they're tired. Assuming he can find a well and proper way to do so :D

[saxon215]

oh u bloody legend full credits to you
loved the whole "PIRATES" line thing aswell
i'd go with Mordoks forst suggestion
drink more rum :D

[Smee]

I kept finding this one when I didn't have time to read it, but I've now caught up.

Highly entertaining. :)

I'm loving the SPF 400 - I guess so Honest can move around in daylight :wink:

For the sake of contrast I suggest you turn her around and fire those 9 pounders at Malinor the Crooked - have your self a good ol' pirate scrap - should be interesting with a pirate who doesn't like blood.

By the way - loved the dropping of the accent so dumpling could understand. :)

Happy Writing. :D

[saxon215]

i think honest would be a good weapon
she should drink the enemy priat's blood and if possible put it in barrels in the ship so that she doesent need to kill any crew
i alsi enjoyed the whole gumpling thing

[Random]

Story so far: You are the crew and voice of Talon the One-Eye, pirate captain of the Scurvy Bottom currently sailing the tropical waters of Beach. Just as you were about to sack the city of Beach, Malinor the Crooked raced in to sack the town first. You voted to wait until nightfall and try to take Malinor's ship.

Talon was the wind. Amazing grace and balance had Talon moving swiftly and with no more sound than a shadow. He had managed to convince Honest that he didn’t need his blade tonight. He had hoped only one fight would be needed against Malinor himself. Talon had thought to strike quickly, then the ship would be his. And it could not happen fast enough to suit the gentle pirate.

Earlier his crew had thrown the usual pre-battle party. Talon had spoken with Honest and she had tried to convince him to bring his cutlass with him. Talon hated swords and guns though. He much preferred to use his hands and feet. He was comfortable using those. Talon had discovered that there was no rum on board the ship when Dennis had handed over a mug filled with sea water.

Now this mission was bigger than life or death. Rum was lucky in the minds of his crew. Talon agreed. Rum was his cure-all. If Talon even begin to suspect he was getting sick, he drank a lot of rum to fight off this sickness until he felt better. In all the years Talon had been drinking rum as medicine, he had not had a single illness he could remember.

Talon zipped up the side of the boat using the ships anchor, which gave way to the anchor room. The room was empty, and Talon glided through the bare lights and was swiftly on deck. The shadows embraced him like a mother finding a long lost child.

Talon was the wind, a stalking predator, one with the night. Unfortunately his crew was a herd of elephants. Only the rum soaked brains of the Malinor’s crew kept them from being discovered. Dumpling had tripped several times, once bringing a good portion of the crew with him. Finally they had forced him to walk a good five feet behind.

Talon poked his around the corner and watched the festivities. Sure enough three casks of rum sat open on the deck and portions of the crew had already passed out.

“Wuzzat,” one pirate asked cocking his head around. Talon finally figured out the pirate was sniffing. “Smells lik’ soap!”

“WHAT?!” A voice boomed. The largest man Talon had ever seen then seemed to emerge from the ships floor. Standing at least ten feet tall and looking more like a ships hull than a man with curly dirty gray hair and a full thick beard. Beady little eyes peered out from heavy eyebrows. “Who using soap?!”

This had to be the giant then. Talon rolled his eyes, it was best if the giant had been a fake. Many pirates had fake giants. Talon even had one, his name was Nigel. Nigel was tall, and strong but nowhere near the size of this behemoth. But Nigel was working hard to be come a real giant and Talon praised him for his determination and work ethics.

This was a real Giant though. Talon wasn’t too worried, as long as his crew didn’t see them. But this what you get for doing your brother favors. Dumpling had come up to see what was going on, and screamed a high pitched, blood curdling, ear piercing scream at the sight of the large man. Every pirate on board turned to face the fat boy who had appeared from nowhere.

“What ‘n blazes wuz dat?!” one pirate shouted from the back.

“Only a sea banshee can make that noise!” shouted another.

Suddenly the ship was in pandemonium. The crew was doing all they could to get away from the pale, eerily lit chubby dead woman that had screamed that note. It was well known a Banshee’s scream could kill a man. After hearing it for themselves, everyone believed the myth. The crew began throwing themselves overboard as fast as they could reach the railing.

Talon almost cried, knowing he would never hear the end of this one from the crew. Dumpling just stood stunned. The Giant knew differently.

“Dat’s no banshee! Him just a delicious looking morsel for Bubba!” The giant took a step forward and Dumpling fainted. “HA HA! Now Bubba get to eat!”

“Wait,” a much more calm and sober voice rang out. “We must find out how he got on board and if there are others.” The voice was smooth, with the tone of a rich and well educated individual.

“Malinor,” Talon said as he stepped into the soft moonlight.

Malinor was reported to be a handsome man, though Talon couldn’t see why. At the moment Malinor was in hair rollers and a bath robe covered with yellow and blue starfish.

“Talon the One-eye,” gulped Malinor. “What are you doing here?”

“Ye saw me ship off the coast of Beach,” Talon responded.

“You were off the beach of Beach?”

“I was moving towards the beach of Beach, and it’s port when you set full sail and made Beach’s beaches first.”

“The beaches of Beach were closer to us at the time. Under pirates law 42.98 subsection S3 paragraph 2 bullet e allows for a judgmental call of distance when two ships are head for the same destination.”

Talon’s hand was a blur as it hit Malinor square on the jaw. Malinor dropped like a brick. Talon looked in surprise at the unconscious form of Malinor sprawled across the deck. He had not expected that response.

Then the Giant roared.

Talon back stepped away as the Giant roared again. The sound of the Gaint seemed to reverberate throughout Talon’s entire body. Talon knew why Giants were so feared now. Their voice alone could shake your insides to pieces.

“Stop that!” a voice rang clear through the night. Honest popped over the side of the boat and deposited another dripping pirate from Malinor’s crew onto the deck. The Giant stopped as he glared at her. “And don’t you look at me like that young man!” Honest floated over to the giant and tapped him on the nose with her delicate hand. “Take your eyes off of me you shameless brute!”

The Giant, clearly confused turned away, mumbling his apologies. Well mumbling may not be the right for it. It was mumbling in the sense that an avalanche mumbles just before it drops tons of earth down a mountain.

“Now you behave yourself, and show us that a giant can mind his manners in the presence of a lady,” Honest reprimanded the giant. The giant looked completely embarrassed.

“Yes ma’am,” the giant replied, head bowed, arms drooped to his sides.

“Now don’t go throwing a tantrum about it. But if we are to be guests on your boat than I’ll not having you act like a Hill savage.”

Talon had no idea what she was saying but t caught the giant’s attention. “Bubba no puny hill giant, Bubba Mountain giant!”

“And what is your real name Bubba?” Honest asked politely. Talon noticed his crew was beginning to help the other crew back over the railings and into thick warm blankets to dry off with. The giant looked embarrassed again, and shy.

“Lawrence ma’am,” the giant “mumbled”.

“Now that sounds like a very proper giant name. Why do you go by Bubba? A Mountain Giant would be prouder of his name than to carry a nick name.”

“The crew called me that after the mountain folk of the south. I never liked it but I didn’t want to cause trouble on the ship. Malinor always laughed about it.”

Talon threw his hands up in a helpless shrug. He had no idea what was happening. When the Giant started to cry and Honest, so tiny against the massive man’s frame, pulled his head to her shoulder, it didn’t surprise Talon at all.

Talon saw the two crew already getting along smartly and wondered how Malinor had ever become the fifth most feared pirate.

“Alright matey’s, be listenin’ up now,” Talon said over the din of laughter and greetings. “Malinor’s ain’t dead, so we needs to be deciding what to do with ‘im. Also tomorrow brings a new day, we set sail at first light. Which direction shall we go? To the North, is the frozen wastelands of Amberdune. To the South, the Tropical ports of the head hunters. To the East we have the Islands of Almost Certain Death or at the Very Least Lot’s of Pain. To the West, the great unknown!

“Which shall it be lads and lassies?”

As always- drink more rum is a given.

[D-Lotus]

Hehe, good as the first chapter...hey, why don't we dock at the beach in Beach before we go to the south and the head hunters. We can leave Malinor stranded there, in Beach.

[Mordok]

Who's using soap? Hahahaha Good stuff Random.

I'm going to go along with D on dropping Malinor on the beach of Beach. Leave him in his curlers too. :D Public humiliation of his enemies should do wonders for Talons rating.

I'm less inclined to go south though. While the tropical atmosphere would be nice, the headhunters come up a little short when it comes to rum and wenches. Also they probably don't have much in the way of treasure.

I say west is probably where we will find some ninjas. :D

[D-Lotus]

The west???? Well, ok, doesn't matter much...

[saxon215]

i say we head tropical and go robinson caruso style, thy'd have tropical rum and headhunters are better then bottum hunters

[Reiso]

Awww, c'mon guys, where's your sense of fun? I say head towards the Islands of Almost Certain Death or at the Very Least Lot’s of Pain. With a name that comically specific (in it's own non-commital way), Random has to have something good planned there. We should go there.

Right after marooning Malinor on Beach's beaches.

[Smee]

I'm with Reiso, although I'd prefer the lots of pain to the certain death.

Great Chapter Random. :D

[saxon215]

yeah but i've been to places like that before and they never turn out like what theyre named

[Random]

Just an FYI so you can make your decisions a bit easier.

Ninja's- They are coming, no matter what direction.

Plans- I have nothing "planned" for any direction. I have a rough idea of what I can do no matter which way you go. This is a true story game as much as I can make it. I have no plans, I don't know what will happen next, it is completely controlled by your choices and decisions.

And man is it fun writing this way! :)

[D-Lotus]

ok, then I guess I'll go wit south since saxon is with me...

[saxon215]

hahaha me an D are going for mai tai's at midnight
we're going tropicana where going tropicana we're going tropicana in a congo line

[Reiso]

Ahh, but the islands of almost certain death (etc.), are of 'OR at the least very much pain', so it's one or the other and death is only almost certain. So there's a chance of getting through it and almost getting killed, while avoiding the very much pain. And if it isn't what it sounds like, well all the better.

After all, who would want to go to islands named like that? Which is exactly why our pirates should! It can be another trial for the captain, the need to get used to all sorts of nastiness that he is normally adverse to.

[saxon215]

places are just names that because the explorers of the tome A couldnt be stuffed exploring and just claimed they had or B the island had been so great they decided to stay there

[Reiso]

Did you know that America was named after a map-maker in Spain who had never even seen America, and just put his name on it because he could? He was never even here. That just staggers me.

[saxon215]

hahaha no i didnt know that but thanks for the info Reiso

[Mordok]

Cool! Mordoksillvania may still be out there.

[saxon215]

hahahhaha like that guy in americ who said that his land was its own private country, well mordok if you ever find your Mordoksilvania be sure to invite me over because i'd love to see it

[D-Lotus]

Yes, his name was Americo, Reiso, and I'm pretty sure he was with colombus on his first voyage.
Viva ESPANA :!:
VIVA :!:


ole

[saxon215]

espana? is that some sort of spanna you can use on the internet?

[D-Lotus]

hehe, no.
Espana= Spain

Actually, it's not n...it's this letter you only find in the spanish alphabet. You pronounce it as Espanna, kinda like lassagna.

[Reiso]

I have it right here.

Amerigo Vespucci

Actually born in Italy, he moved to Spain later in life. He claimed to be on the maiden voyage with Columbus, but could not substantiate this with journals, log records, etc, and later confessed it to be a lie near his death.

He did however accompany a few return voyages to explore South America, but never set foot on the Northen Continent known today as The United States/North America. It is questionable whether he ever set eyes on it's coast, but my own (admittedly minimal), research hasn't turned up a yea or nay on that.

[D-Lotus]

Sigh, it's so hard to win an argument with Reiso... Can you just let me be proud of my country? :)

[saxon215]

why do we alkways get so off topic

[D-Lotus]

Searches in google for an answer in exasperation. Nope...I don't know.

[saxon215]

*uses ask jeeves* (which is much betterer)
ohh its because we're all really realy over talkative and we all want to talk about all our expiriences at once

[Random]

Story so far: You are the crew on board the Scurvy Bottom and under the command of Talon the One-eye, the fourth most feared pirate in the world. We have just bumped off the fifth most feared pirate, a dandy glass jawed character by the name of Malinor the Crooked, and taken his ship.

You last voted to drink more rum, leave Malinor stranded in the town of Beach, and sail south to the Tropical Southern Islands and the Family Jewels of Mist Moor. (Yes I changed the name of the treasure, sorry.)

The crew scurried about the ship pulling up more cases of rum as they partied into the night. There were now two parties being held as Jennings had steered the Scurvy Bottom next to Malinor’s ship. The night was a bevy of singing, dancing, and many barrels of rum were emptied.

Talon was in a euphoric state when he found several crates filled with pineapples, and a contraption that was able to squeeze the juice out of them. Rum and pineapple juice, while certainly not the most popular drink, had Talon feeling good by the time he finally curled up in Malinor’s cabin.

The next morning came with the first stinging bite of chill winds. The sky was clear and blue, the waters were calm, and both crews were deep into their hangovers before they finally steered the boat towards Beach. Beach was a small town, consisting of only a couple of hundred people. They were all deeply tanned with curly long blonde hair. It was well known that many of them had the smarts of a coral reef though.

Talon walked down the boarding ramp first, Malinor, hands bound behind him, still wearing the robe of blue and yellow starfish. The folks of Beach now stood gathered in a clump awaiting to see what today would bring.

“WHOA! That’s the dude who was all like, taking stuff yesterday!” one young man pointed out with a laugh. “That was a riot man! Good stuff!”

The crowd murmured their agreement that yesterday was rather exciting, but a hush fell over them as Leonard stood tall on the bow. Nigel stood next to him, looking like some minor bully that always hung around the big guy. Talon was happy to see the two getting along so well. Leonard had agreed to take Nigel under his massive wing and teach him how to be a real giant.

“Citizens of Beach!” Talon yelled grabbing their attention. Then an extremely loud BOOM cracked through the morning air. Talon leaped face first to the soft sand and covered his head. After a moment when nothing more had happened Talon looked around. All eyes were on him.

Talon flipped himself over and saw smoke pouring from one of the huge 16 pound canons Malinor had on his ship. Talon popped back up and shrugged his shoulders to ask why they had done that. One of the crew members, Cutter who regularly cleaned and tested the canons, gave him a goofy smile and a big thumbs up.

“What… why… don’t fire that thing unless I order it!” Talon yelled.

“WHAT?!?” Cutter yelled back.

Talon waved it off and turned back to the gathered people. He cleared his throat and took command of his senses again.

“People of Beach, we have brought the criminal Malinor the Crooked to do with as you will! But know this, should any harm be comin to him, such as a death by hangin’, then be knowin I’ll return to feast on the souls o’ yer kiddies!”

“So like, dude’s gonna live with us now?” the blonde kid asked.

“Yeah, dudes gonna live with you now,” Talon responded in a badly disguised mockery.

“COOL! Dude, we are gonna so have a great time!”

And so it was that Malinor the Crooked, the fifth most feared pirate of all time had sailed his final voyage. He did go on to invent the sport of surfing though, and became a world famous Tic-Tac Toe player. But that is another story for another time.

Talon stared dumbfounded at the people as they celebrated Malinor’s visit, as if it were some great honor to have the fifth most feared pirate now residing in their village. Talon just shook his head and turned to Dennis and Old Sharky, who held Malinor between them. They both released the dandy pirate and with as much dignity as Malinor could bear, he walked calmly towards the city.

Talon and his crew left them behind without another word.

Later in the day Talon was again behind the wheel. Jennings lay sprawled on the deck, snoring loudly. It happened sometimes that he would fall into a much deeper sleep. He might not wake up for hours, which was fine with Talon. He loved to be behind the wheel. The only reason he had given the job over to Jennings was the man could not do much else with his sleeping problem. At this rate, someone could easily take over whenever the man was struck by a nap attack.

Talon loved this part of his job. The open sea was gentle right now, the crew was busy cleaning the deck, Honest would still be asleep for a few hours yet, and Dumpling was still trying to free himself from the fishing net he had tried to throw overboard this morning. Talon was watching the chubby boy thrash futilely when Dennis approached.

“Where are we headed Captain?”

“South,” Talon replied turning his eyes back to the water.

“South? There isn’t nothing but islands covered with savages down there!”

“Dennis, really! You should have said “there is nothing” or “there isn’t anything”, not “there isn’t nothing”. That’s a double negative!”

“Sorry Captain. But why south?”

“I believe it’s high time we made a play for third place on that list.”

“You mean to go after the Family Jewels of Mist Moore?”

“Aye, that’s exactly what I be meanin’ to do! Are ye scared ye landlubbin’ sissy?”

“No, I’ve always wanted to see the Southern Islands! I hear they have head hunters there, and I always thought I wanted to get into that business. If it weren’t for that whole illegal thing on the main land, I would have been rich selling my authentic shrunken heads!”

“Illegal? You’re a bleeding pirate!”

“Yeah,” Dennis replied with a chuckle, “Ironic isn’t it?” Dennis walked away shaking his head in disbelief. Talon knew that feeling very well.

“Dennis,” Talon called after his departing first mate. “Call the crew together and get the other boat over here. We have something important to discuss before we make land on the southern Islands.”

“Aye, aye Captain!” Dennis responded with a hearty salute.

Moments later the crew stood waiting, Malinor’s ship had been brought closer. It was a pretty ship but Talon had to carefully steer the Scurvy Bottom so she didn’t leave the ornamental ship in her wake.

“Alright lads and lasses,” Talon addressed them. “It’s time we gave Malinor’s ship a name! What was it’s name before?”

“The Vengence,” Shouted one of Malinor’s ex-crew men.

“Well that don’t sound very piraty to me! So before we land on the Islands we need to give her a new name! Any suggestions?”

Another decision! I'm looking for a good piraty name for the new boat. This will be a short decision process. Over the weekend I will have the new poll up, and by Monday it will close. If I had not put this in, the chapter would have been really long, although I intend on having several decision points once we reach our destination as well. :)

As always, thanks for reading and participating!

[Reiso]

Hahahahahahaha. HAAhahahahahahahahaaaa . . . MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAAHAA!!!

How's that for a Pirate Ship name?

Ok, ok . . . The Drunken Keel?

The Wandering Otter?

The Swift But Not Terribly Upright Pleasure Barge?

Hmm . . .

Dusty Melon!

. . .

Crawfish KettleMast!

. . .

Aunt Vera!

. . . Ok, I'm out for now.

[D-Lotus]

The Broken Oar?

[Random]

Thanks for the suggestions guys! New poll up now, new chapter later this week! WOO HOO! :)

[D-Lotus]

Don't we have a Drunken something already?
Vote for:
The Broken Oar!

It even rhimes

[InsaneCP]

How about "THE SCURVY BOOGER" Hey its funny :oops:

[Random]

When last we left our intrepid crew we were naming the new boat, which by complete coincidence also gave me time to finish the next chapter and edit it. For future reference, editing a story where you are trying to write in accent is really, really difficult. Sorry this one took so long! Hope you enjoy it! New poll up this friday. :)

Talon stood again at the helm of the Scurvy Bottom as he watched the crew of his newest boat move with pristine precision. They had already scrapped the boats old name “Vengeance” from the side of the boat and were adding the new name. Talon rolled his eyes as he read it. He had to considering the length of the name. The crew had argued vehemently for the names until finally Talon told them that if they could not play nicely they would have to name it after everyone’s suggestion.

Thus the “Broken Oar’d Rum Chasing Boat of the Dusty Melons” was crowned.

Most just called it “that other boat”.

They had one day of hard sailing left before the southern islands would be visible. Talon had consulted several maps on the way down and saw that the Islands were actually three separate Islands. Vientlyia, Jobasku, and O. Talon thought maybe part of the map was missing but every map he consulted named the last island, O. That was the Island he needed to get to if he wanted to find the Family Jewels of Misty Moor.

Talon knew he could easily guide the Scurvy Bottom into the remotest of places, but that Other Boat could not maneuver like the Bottom could. He would have to land on the first Island Vientlyia, then make his way across Jobasku, and finally cross the land bridge onto the Island of O.

Now Talon stood at the wheel and pondered his strategy. He could empty the boats and take a large portion of his crew with him, but that would mean feeding a lot of mouths. There was strength in his numbers and most of them could handle themselves in a fight. His crew would stand firm. As long as there was nothing on the island to spook the overly superstitious lot that most sailors were known to be.

The lack of real food however, and Honest would need to feed again soon, else another sailor would go missing, meant porting in Vientlyia anyway. Talon had no idea what to expect from the islands ahead. Tales of vicious head hunters and wild beasts permeated the name of the tropical southern waters. Horrible deaths, tortured screams, trees so terrifying their leaves dripped blood, and of course, the average booby trapped treasure laying somewhere in the midst of it all.

The waters remained calm for the crew throughout the journey. They sighted land shortly after the sun broke on the fifth day after leaving Beach. A sea side village sat nestled before a grand tropical jungle. Fishing skiffs dotted the waters and even a couple of the large netting boats hailed the crew as they passed. His crew stayed true to form and waved back.

Talon pulled the Scurvy Bottom easily into port, and then had to take a rowboat out to help Dennis bring in the other boat. Once both ships had been tied off, Talon set the crew to one last cleaning of the deck before they went ashore. Before the sun was at its noon point though, both crews were cleaned up and ready to walk on land again. Talon allowed them to wear their cutlasses and swords but disallowed them their pistols. Talon had changed into a pair of black pants with soft, well cleaned black leather boots that came to just below his knees. A bright blue shirt and a red head wrap, a black and silver belt, and his eye patch finished his ensemble. Talon looked in the mirror for a moment, his clothes had been carefully tailored for him by Honest, who had nothing better to do most days. He did cut a fine athletic figure.

Honest was caked in her special sun blocking cream, and wore an elegant dress of purple and gold. Talon had bought the dress from a tailor many miles to the north and east when his crew had raided the coastal city. Honest’s curly brown hair had been washed and groomed so that it nearly sparkled with the light. Soft brown leather boots hugged her delicate looking feet, and white thin leather gloves covered her hands. Talon was entranced with her before she caught him staring, then he quickly looked away. He never saw her smile at him when she caught him staring.

“I’ll be up on the deck,” Talon muttered as he hurriedly left the cabin. His crew had gathered in eager anticipation of the upcoming ceremony, the dropping of the walkway. Talon made his rounds, straightening collars, adding tears in a couple of shirts, tussling hair, and making everyone look just a bit more piraty.

Dumpling was having a grand time of it all, as far as Talon could tell. He had lost some weight working with the crew of the other boat. Soon enough, Honest joined the crew and they all gasped in disbelief at her beauty. She rarely came out in the sun, the cream she wore was bad for her skin, and when she did the crew always knew they were in for a treat. Talon offered his arm which Honest took with a bow of her head and a smile. They both moved to the closed walkway and addressed the crew of both boats.

“Alright men,” Talon began, the hushed crew listened intently. “Remember who you represent here! You are the crew of Talon of the One-eye! Currently the Fourth most feared pirate in the world! You will conduct yourself accordingly! Keep the accents heavy but not unintelligible! Make a few rude comments but nothing outlandish! Drink lots of whatever they have, make passes at the women, and be a general nuisance! But be careful! We don’t want to hurt anyone or leave a big mess behind! I shall try and find out any information on the Family Jewels of Mist Moor so keep your ears open as well!

“Most importantly perhaps, as always, have fun lads and lassies! You have all earned it!”

With his usual flare Talon whipped his hand up to catch the release lever on the walkway. It was a simple pin and latch combination that only required a person to pop one end of the pin, which would free the latch and the walkway would fall. This allowed the crew to charge swiftly into a town, and also provided an excellent emergency exit. This time however, the latch was stuck and Talon ended up banging his hand on the solid wood.

Several curses later, Talon hit it again, but to no avail. Finally he looked closely at the pin and saw it had been bent, meaning it was jammed into the latch. Talon turned his dark eyes onto the crew.

“Who's been playing with the latch?” Talon asked. The crew only looked at each other. Except for Dumpling.

“Oh I fixed it sir!” Dumpling said with a grin.

“Fixed it?”

“Yes sir!”

“What was wrong with it?”

“Well sir, it was an easy way for another crew to get inside our boat. All you have to do is hit the pin! So I bent the pin with a hammer, securing the door!” Dumpling said all this as if he might have said he had just won the lottery. He was positively brimming with joy.

So it was that Anchor Orderly Jared “Dumpling” Hoesgill the second of the pirate ship the Scurvy Bottom was the first man to touch the soft sands of the tropical paradise known now as Jamaica from Talon’s crew. Having been used as a battering ram by the fourth most feared pirate in the world.

Talon walked with surety alongside Honest, who was beginning to get a little warm to the touch. Talon picked up his steps to get her into the shaded trees before the sun lay too much of its harsh touch on her. To Honest’s credit however, she never once even looked remotely worried. She knew Talon would get her somewhere safe and he did. From the safety of the shady tree lines Talon once again made his way towards the village, his crew following close behind with nervous chatter.

They came to the edge of the village and several poles lined the path. On top of each pole were several small heads, each one looked as if the flesh had been rotted from its face in the heat of the burning sun. Each was perfectly preserved in its ashen countenance of various levels of emotions. Some looked to be screaming, some were smiling, and others looked merely bored. The chatter of his crew had ceased and Talon could feel them pressing up behind him and Honest, trying to push them along faster. Instead Talon stopped and looked closely at one of the shrunken heads.

“Don’t touch it Cap’n,” Dennis said from the pack. “There be evil spirits at work in these parts.”

“Aye, stories of hunters and travelers gone missing and never returnin’” added Hawthorne, one of Malinor’s crew. He spoke in a whisper as if his voice alone could bring the heads back to life. “Tales of tortured screams echoing throughout the night, and innocent folk being used for witchy experiments. I even heared of a voodoo priestess on the island! She’s the one that shrinks the heads using the innards of her victims!”

“Really?” Talon asked. He waited for the expected bobbing of the head as each of the crew seemed to suddenly remember they to had heard the stories. “Interesting because if you look closely the backs of the heads are stitched with what looks to me ordinary thread. Not a very good stitching job either, the crosses are too far apart.”

Just then a moan escaped from the head that Talon was peering at. The crew all screamed and fell back several steps at the sound. But Talon and Honest merely stood their ground and grinned at each other.

“That isn’t funny Honest!” Dennis yelled at them. “You and your ventr… vent… throwing your voice tricks!”

Talon and Honest laughed all the harder.

The crew was eventually able to move their feet again, and Talon wasted no time getting them to the village. They were met by a young woman, dark of skin and with a strange accent.

“Hey you,” she said as a way of greeting, “You be here for trading then mon?”

“We be here for a bit o’ rest and fun from yer lovely town!” Talon replied, easily slipping his own pirate accent back into his speech. “We been shivering timbers and hauling the keel for some weeks now and we be needin’ a bit o’ land dwellin’ afore we get back to our sailorin’!”

“Ohhhhhh you be pirates then mon? You just be missing some of your friends earlier!”

“Me friends?”

“Yes! Oh what do be his name? Alice… Alex…”

“Alistair?”

“Oh yes that be it! Oh he be a tough one that scoundrel!”

“Alistair the Crippler? The third most feared pirate in the world is here?”

“I don’t know if he be that fearsome but he cut through three of our own hunters before we could settle him! He be a fine one with that blade of his! And him so large in the shoulders and his pretty blonde hair! Although I personally think he should be letting it grow a little longer!”

“Great, Alistair the Crippler is here and has a day’s head start on us for the Family Jewels!”

The woman seemed to sense Talon’s shift in mood as well as the fact that his accent was now gone. To her he sounded rather intelligent, and he did cut a fine figure himself in his clothing. His crew certainly looked like a vicious bunch of pirates although most of them seemed somewhat confused.

“You should be speaking with Danita the Shaman lady, she be showing you where to go. She no like that Alistair and gave him direction to go the long way around.”

“But they are a day ahead of us! We could sail around the coast and enter the Island of O from the southern tip.”

“Hmmm yes you could but the southern island is full of treacherous waters this time of year. No sailor alive could get that huge ship of yours into the bay of O.”

“I could,” Talon said. The woman was surprised that he wasn’t bragging or making an outrageous claim.

“Yes perhaps you could. I would still suggest talking with Danita, she be the one who could tell you where to go. She could use her bones to read your fate.”

Talon turned to his crew; they were all staring intently into the village, where soft music rolled from one of the buildings. They could use a days rest.

“Any other ideas me hearty sailors?”

“We could cut a beeline straight across the islands,” Dennis offered.

“Or we could split up, one team could sail the Scurvy Bottom to the south and try to make land there while another team cut across land.”

“Or we could sail back and maybe go home…” said a man from Malinor’s crew. Talon had not learned all their names yet. But from the glare the rest of the men and women put on him he quickly looked to the ground. “It was just a thought.”

“Anyone else?”


Ok our original choices are to see Danita the Shaman woman, sail the boats south and hope Talon can dock them both safely, cut straight across the islands, or split up and try them both. Bear in mind that no one has any idea how long it will take to cut across the Islands nor what dangers must be faced. Nor does anyone really know where the treasure lies. You are in a race for time however, as Alistair the Crippler has a days start on you.

Of course you may make other suggestions as well!

Have fun!

[Mordok]

Man, I missed the boat naming party. What a bummer. The Wretched Polecat would have struck fear in any mans heart.

You have great knack for this Random. The beach dude, the legality of headhunting, alot of other subtle things, all show a certain level of creative dementia that I find refreshing and enjoyable.

I'm going to vote for the Danita the Shaman because it sounds like a fun encounter. Hope the accents don't over tax you. :D

[D-Lotus]

Me Too!