City of IF

NeverNeverGirl

Write a story and make me laugh.

1) you have to make me laugh at least once. Sometimes the best humour comes from not trying at all.

2) no min or max words.. if you meet the conditions in one sentence then good for you!

3) you must use the words, Dentures, Whirley-bird, Pyjama, Abstinence, Tram-amp-oline and Edu-ma-cation.

4) there should be an incident with a zipper (you decide what)

5) a talking fish should appear contribute in no positive way to the story, have a minimum of three lines and then disappear never to be mentioned again.

Prize- 150 fables

Phang · Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 12:01 pm Post subject:

I am oh-so-very in here!

Guest · Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 1:22 pm Post subject:

I'm in!

NeverNeverGirl · Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 2:38 pm Post subject:

YAY!!! i will be even more super excited when i see the stories!!! yay!! :lol: :P

Masterweaver · Joined: 21 Nov 2006 Posts: 1456 Location: Look around

I'll get there.

D-Lotus · Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Posts: 3724 Location: Hollywood, USA

I don't like the specification about the fish. There are too many instructions attached to it, and that limits our imagination.

NeverNeverGirl · Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 9:44 pm Post subject:

Glad to see another positive contribution from the ever helpful D-Lotus. :shock:

Its in HEM, D, we are trying to make it different... get people to branch out. If you find such general rules limiting then i can't say anything productive for you here.

and btw the FISH rocks!

Mephistopheles · Posted: Fri Aug 31, 2007 11:06 am Post subject:

Hmm, well, i just caught this thread, and y'all know me. I won't wait or get around to this, so, within set parameters, here is my tale:

the fish was talking to the seagull. "Hey mate, why don't you abstain from eating me, eh? I mean ya got there a mighty big set of dentures within your squawking bill, and from all of me edumacation wit such tings as zippers, whirley birds and tramampolines, i know that it will hurt lik 'ell ti have ya taken big bites out me tiny lit'l body. 'sides, mate, i still got on me pyjamas, can't ya eat me when i am better dressed?" The seagull smiled, his dentures showing large and yellow in the rising sunlight. "tough luck, dear chap, but i am hungry now, and you are breakfast." The gull dove down, bill dipping within the water, but upon its' emergence, all that could be seen was a full mouth and the tail of a fish protruding from hence. The last thing heard from the fish was,

"Shoulda run me fins 'stead of me mouth."

Chinaren · Posted: Fri Aug 31, 2007 5:45 pm Post subject:

Mmmm, I think I may be able to whip something up here if I get time.

The White Blacksmith · Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2477

Oh come off it c'ren, if you enter noone else will stand a chance.

Chinaren · Posted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 8:53 am Post subject:

Poo. It's a well known fact I'm about as funny as a fish with no dentures.

D-Lotus · Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Posts: 3724 Location: Hollywood, USA

NeverNeverGirl wrote: Glad to see another positive contribution from the ever helpful D-Lotus. :shock:

Its in HEM, D, we are trying to make it different... get people to branch out. If you find such general rules limiting then i can't say anything productive for you here.

and btw the FISH rocks!

I have no problem with HEM or with branching out. It's just that I think that in order to branch out, you can't stipulate such specific detail in a story.

Sorry to be such a spoil-sport, it's just I'm trying to help out, because personally, I was in the opinion of participating until I read the last stipulation, and then I became apalled.

NeverNeverGirl · Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 3:37 pm Post subject:

if you cant get into the groove D thats cool. but appalled is actually a really strong word that means a whole lot of nothing. other than you just cant be bothered and if oyu could it would be beyond you.

thanks for being so helpful though - maybe you can just get involved by writing us a regular SG!

thansk agian D

D-Lotus · Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Posts: 3724 Location: Hollywood, USA

sigh... I just have no time for anything except dissing people... sorry I'm so busy, or I'd be less of a stuck- up pig... :D

NeverNeverGirl · Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 11:17 pm Post subject:

D-Lotus wrote: sigh... I just have no time for anything except dissing people... sorry I'm so busy, or I'd be less of a stuck- up pig... :D

well dearest d when you put it so eloquently all that is left for a Ne to say is

i f5 D-Lotus

much love
Ne

Hak · Joined: 10 Sep 2006 Posts: 247 Location: hell

You got my attention.... I'm in.... though....... China might get us with his dentur-less fish

NeverNeverGirl · Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 2:15 am Post subject:

lol Hak

though i would liek to say that contary to popular opinion i am in no way biased to the refreshing and delightful works of mastery by ren... um i mean his crud bucket stories... yes thats what i meant....

lol have to it Hak. You are a great writer and i cant wait to see what you come up with.

[thumbs up] ALSO - much props to Messington for being the first poster and by far the most original yet. :D [/thumbs up]

The White Blacksmith · Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2477

You just chopped off your own THUMBS!

Hak · Joined: 10 Sep 2006 Posts: 247 Location: hell

wait, so where do we post our stories?

NeverNeverGirl · Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 9:41 pm Post subject:

post in here hak dear

Hak · Joined: 10 Sep 2006 Posts: 247 Location: hell

Ok, here's my try... (kinda long.... might acctually turn it into a story....)

Once, long ago, a dark shadow crept upon the great lands of Whirley-Bird. Darkness crept into all open spaces. The cause of the horrors that entered this land was unknown… But stories started blooming the next day when a mysterious visitor came to town.

“I heard he’s a powerful overlord.”

“Naw, he’s gotta be one of those Dark Monks; it’d explain his outfit.”

The gossip was based mainly on his appearance, but there was something more to him. His black robe was gathered around his waist with a lavish belt, and the crimson lining ran to his feet. A green glow emanated from his eyes, seemingly wiser than his teenaged appearance should be, causing more curious stories.

He strode down the street as though he were a noble with a dark secret. As he passed by a group of whispering girls, one was pushed out, so she would collide with him. His arms instinctively embraced her as he glared at the group.

“Are you okay Miss?” She blushed as the first words heard from his mouth in this town came in a glorious ring.

“Y-yes…” She looked down and brushed herself off. Looking up, she carried out what she’d been elected to do, “S-sir?”

His left eyebrow rose as he cocked his head toward her.

Gulping the lump in her throat down, she continued, “Would you come to a Pyjama party at the lake? We could jump on the Tram-amp-oline together.” Her face turned beet red as she said this.

His face was calm, as was his voice, “The only problem with that is that I don’t wear ‘Pyjamas’”

The entire group of girls unanimously gasped and giggled at this comment, but the girl standing before him seemed hypnotized by his hidden challenge.

“Then I guess we’ll need to throw around a pair of dentures to keep our minds off of your ill ed-u-ma-cation in modesty.” She grinned inside, proud of her own wit.

He bowed his head, letting his dark hair fall in his face, “Well, then I guess I’ll just have to pass you up on that offer, seeing as how it wouldn’t be there when I showed up.”

She looked down, ashamed for trying to trick him; “Sorry” was all she could muster.

He bent in closer, whispering into her ear, “But I’d be happy if you joined me at my place…” His grin could have made her turn a deeper shade of red if she hadn’t fainted from a flying fish with a zipper hooked in its mouth hadn’t hit her.

Romantic chaos commenced, as the fish flopped into a puddle. “Ah, the beauty of another case of Fish-To-The-Head-Syndrome. If only I hadn’t tried to eat that man’s pants as I was going in for the hit…” The fish contemplated whether or not he should tell the man his pants were missing from under his robe, “Naw… I’ll get him next time… Let the dark clouds pass to the next town to get Fish-To-The-Head-Syndrome!”

And off flew the demon fish.

Crossfire · Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 10:39 pm Post subject:

That was... bizarre. I particularly liked the part where the demonic fish feel from the sky and ate the monk's pants. *giggles inanely*

Seriously, it's well written, although a little confusing around the point of the girl's quip involving dentures, and I would like to see a lot more of this quality of work from you, Hak. :)

It's probably the best entry here so far, and it's certainly the longest. I am surprised that you actually managed to fit all of NeverNeverGirl's absurd conditions into a decent story, and there's a fair few bonus points going your way for that. Keep on writing! *fades*

NeverNeverGirl · Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2007 1:07 pm Post subject:

HAK! WOW! GREAT!

that was awesome lol - what can i say - that made me laugh! FIsh to the head syndrome? inspired lol!

Its actually not that difficult to write a piece using the requirements crossfire - you should try it sometime it might expand your brain or increase your skill set. (which couldnt hurt could it)

Seriously though hak, good work and so far im very impressed!

KEEP THOSE ENTRIES COMING KIDS!!!

Hak · Joined: 10 Sep 2006 Posts: 247 Location: hell

Why is no one else posting funnies?

Mephistopheles · Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 4:00 am Post subject:

perhaps others have forgotten about this post, or they feel intimidated by it? no idea hak.

Hak · Joined: 10 Sep 2006 Posts: 247 Location: hell

That'd be sad...

NeverNeverGirl · Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 7:43 pm Post subject:

Okay im closing this in a week - its easy and you are in for a chance if you get in now...

D-Lotus · Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Posts: 3724 Location: Hollywood, USA

The little boy trudged down the stairs as best he could, dragging his teddy bear behind him. He was wearing striped blue PJ's, and holding himself steady by hugging the railing with his small delicate arms. As the child was progressing down the stairs, the teddy bear's head and plump body would bump softly against each step.

The teddy bear would scowl every time his bulk hit the ground, but he refrained from jerking in pain in order to lull the boy into a false sense of security. Ever since that day when the infant human had defeated Teddy B. in battle amidst the peaks of the snow-drizzling Himalayas, the stuffed bear had been forced into perpetual slavery. But tonight, Teddy B. planned to reverse the situation and reciprocate the cruel treatment he had received during his lengthy enslavement.

The boy finally ended his laborious descent down the stairway. Holding his hand to his beautiful curly hair, he searched about the room for his grandpa.

"Granpaw?" he called out uncertainly. His cry elicited a sluggish reaction from an old man sprawled on the couch. Grandpa extended a feeble, shaking hand and reached for his dentures, which were lying on the ground and covered in dog hairs. He brushed off the animal fur cursorily and reinstated the dentures in his mouth before turning his attention the the boy.

"Granpaw- what's this thing on my leg?" asked the boy, unzipping his PJ's and pointing with his pudgy finger. Grandpa scratched his head.

"Why- that's a... um, I believe it's a... a whirley-bird!" answered the old man, after fumbling for a suitable answer.

"What's a whirley-bird, Granpaw? Will it hurt me?" inquired the boy, staring fearfully at his groin.

"No it won't, my boy. You'll get an entire edu-ma-cation on whirley-birds some day." The old man paused and frowned. "Strange, pinch-faced people will come to your school to speak of unholy things such as 'abstinence', but don't you listen to those people, my boy. Whenever you hear that word, run like the devil. And don't you let anyone come near your whirley-bird with scissors in their hands, you hear?" Grandpaw shuddered.

Suddenly, Teddy B. knew exactly how to exact his revenge. His body shivered with pleasure. The ecstasy almost made all of those years of receiving cuddles and being used as a bib for the infant's excess drool worth it. Now, if he could only get ahold of some scissors...

"Well," said Grandpa, "it's back to bed with you, young man. The grown-up TV show is about to begin, so I want you to be quiet and stay in your room. Hurry along upstairs while Granpaw fetches some of his magic pills."

Ah! There they were- the scissors were lying at the foot of the drawer by the sofa, reflecting the lamp light and shining in all their heavenly glory. Teddy B. clenched his jaw in determination as he began to stretch his stuffed body away from the human's tight clasp towards the instrument of his revenge.

"Are those the pills that make your whirley-bird tram-amp-oline, Granpaw?" ejaculated the boy smartly, raising his laughing blue-eyes to those of his weary grandpa.

"That's right, my boy." chuckled the old man as he made his slow progress towards the kitchen. "Now go to bed."

The scissors were almost in Teddy B.'s plushy grasp! The cutting utensil, soon to become bloody butcher's shears, seemed to taunt the stuffed bear. He made a last effort and stretched himself as far as the boy's grasp would allow.

"Goodnight, granpaw." waved the golden-haired infant, and he turned around in order to begin heading back to his room.

"NO!" cried Teddy B., as he was dragged away by the little boy. Yet another escape plan had been foiled by the astute child!

The room became silent again. A loud splash was heard, and a goldfish who had been attempting to grab onto the ledge of its tank finally surfaced and managed to hold on with its clammy fin.

"Humans!" he exclaimed amidst heavy breathing, "It is vital to the fate of the Universe that I communicate to you the meaning of life before I run out of breath and die."

He scrutinized the room. "Humans? Where... are you... humans? Oh, fuck... it." he gasped, and floundered back into the tank, dead.

NeverNeverGirl · Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2007 6:50 pm Post subject:

Vote now and have your say! :D

Let us know where IFs funny bon lies (no seriously guys some ghoul ran off with it and we can't find it.. :shock: )

:P :lol: :P :lol: :P :lol: :P

D-Lotus · Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Posts: 3724 Location: Hollywood, USA

I'm just posting here to see if my name pops up in green in the new posts section. THe headings are green too!

AHHH! The links as well! This theme is crazy!