City of IF

[dinranwen]

:lol: :D

This one had me chuckling the whole way through, and practically had my sides in stiches.

Oh my...Oh dear......Opposite indeed. And since it's so funny I dediced to forgive you. Lordy, however, I see you later, wheither or not you see me depends on the accuracry of your suvilance videos.

*clears throat* As for the Dp, Crunchy's idea of a future If is a good one but here's a few more ideas.

Their on a Deserted Island in the middle of Fanta Sea.

Their in an alternate demension where they can see, hear, but can't interact with the inhabitants...and thus can't find their way out.

Their in AHA...or Of, and AHA/OF has taken over IF.

Their in IS, and everyone is looking at them really weirdly.

[Crunchyfrog]

I really need to familiarise myself with the histories of IF/OF/IS/AHA and all that stuff.

I am having a lot of trouble using the IFki. Is there anywhere people can point me to for a (quick) read, or maybe update me somehow?

[Chinaren]

Crunchyfrog wrote: I really need to familiarise myself with the histories of IF/OF/IS/AHA and all that stuff.

I am having a lot of trouble using the IFki. Is there anywhere people can point me to for a (quick) read, or maybe update me somehow?

Apart from a passing mention about the Dark Lords of AHA, I think it is, and their perpetual war with IS, there isn't anything about the other cities. I do have an idea for AHA though, if they end up there.

For the other cities, we need to build up some information, but slowly, slowly.

[Christalnightshade]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

bitch

whore

visitor- whaha

this story made me laugh alot. I liked the fighting and how everything came to fit together. I think I do not know where we are, but for cruncer. I say that smee ends up where we are and so do we see Rai walking about with a pound of flesh you see.

then it fall's into the hangover. Or somewhat we're stuck in the future or the past of the old if. :)

I have no clue to what or where everyone will be at, but i do hope I'll become just as funny as this chapter. :P

[Alegria]

Worse, they are in Real Life!!! :-o :-o :-o

Ha, I'm a cripple.

How is that opposite, exactly?

[Lilith]

OMF! Alegria, that's brilliant! Yes! Send them to..... (drumroll) .....

RL!

[Argonaut]

I'd like to see what Chinaren comes up with if they get stuck between the Dark Lords of THE and the AHA confederation :)

[Christalnightshade]

RL... wooohhoo. no way... anything but RL :D Ok so I won't mind at all, but that be just ok maybe funny... :P

opposite... :? well, going deleted. hehe

and if i remember china saying "oh no not again" or something like it.

AHA council I don't know it, so why not try it out.

Or there is a whole new world of if like called. l.m.g.f Or called
IFOFAHA o-) where everything is mxied and happening.

[Crunchyfrog]

Another future idea: The Cult of IF!!

IF has long gone, but in its place is a strange sect of people living in the ruins, performing rituals and sacrificial rites based on every day stuff that goes on around here.

Badly made effigies and statues of present citizens of IF are worshipped as deities, there is the ritual Bobthwacking at full moon, with the Holy Thwacker, and the sect's mantra, which is, of course, 'I do not spam, I contribute'

Cren and Crady are hailed as something amazing that has just come true in their holy writings... and maybe find themselves part of a macarbre ritual, or expected to perform a miracle which of course they are totally not capable of... :?

[Christalnightshade]

cruncy I F5 you. that is funny :P

a cult in If. what if king is to lead it- or he is the sacrifice. or he died and we have to make him come alive.

that be impossible- the they start a roit and we run, while we see all the ifains we know running aroun dwearing black robes and evil make up. :P

thwaking bob the ape dog at full moon. lets see what of thwaking bob the cat... o-)

[Lilith]

Love it! A double F5 to Crunchy and Crady! The Cult of IF! haha! Wait a minute... does that mean that IF is going to die out? WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! *clings to pc* I WILL NEVER LET IF DIE!

[Christalnightshade]

You know I just had the strangest feeling when you posted that. clinging onto a computer, funny funny. LOL

Ok the cult then.

Or RL cult and our charrecter is like catoonish and everyone runs. well mostly from china because where *cough* are your clothes. :lol:

:x :oops: :-x :mad: :? :-o :grin: :sad: :smile: :-) :) THE CULT OF AHA IFFI... call it that or THE.IF.FI.OF.AHA. o-)

[The White Blacksmith]

I like the museum idea best... But what about... they are in the middle of the battle field where the first combat of the IfOf war is about to take place.

The IfOf war needs to get into one of your sgs Nerc. Everyone knows that If anf Of are going to go to war one day, and what better place to do it than in a storygame?

[Mastermind]

A future IF, where the land is ravaged by the RL disease, and the few remaining citizens of IF is under constant siege of the Stupidium Army.

[Lilith]

BRILLIANT MASTERMIND! BRILLIANT! Now, where is China? He must see all of these amazing ideas that are popping up!

[D-Lotus]

Nice chapter, Chinaren.

The cult of IF is a good idea. The destruction of IF, of course, came by the sudden en-mass growing of Hov style stories.

[Chinaren]

I'm right here! Okay, I put up the poll, so bite into the chocolate bar of voting.

[Crunchyfrog]

You missed out the Future museum option...

[Chinaren]

Crunchyfrog wrote: You missed out the Future museum option...

Sorry, missed that one. Ah well, I will try and put a museum in the winning option somewhere. I must say, I am warming to this future IF idea... :P

[Crunchyfrog]

Come to think of it, the museum idea could probably be incorporated into the cult idea, anyway, they are not far off from one another.

[Chinaren]

Okay, fun this. I have just had a like, totally radical idea and my fingers are itching to go. Hence, as the poll looks fairly definate, I am going to start writing...

:lol:

[Chinaren]

...and done!

Chapter 5. Evolution!

“We aren’t back are we?” asked Crady.

“Not unless something really bad has happened since we were away,” replied Chinaren, “and I doubt even the Guild of Evil* on a good day with lots of Phangs ‘special’ bottles of drink could manage this.

They were sitting on a small hill on the edge of what appeared to be the ruins of IF. Chinaren looked out through a hazy atmosphere, over a city that was obviously ancient and, he sincerely hoped, uninhabited. Plants covered what could be seen of crumbling buildings. Debris littered the streets, and the whole place had a dead air to it.

“Do you think anyone is alive down there?” Asked Crady.

“I really, really hope not,” said Chinaren.

“You hope not?”

“When have you ever heard of a ruined city inhabited by kind hearted folk who give you a slap up meal and show you to the only working IFSpace-time machine?” Chinaren sighed. “No, they are all populated by mutant flesh eating monsters with eerie powers.”

Crady thought for a moment and raised a finger. “You have a point.”

“Come on, let’s go.”

“Wait a minute! You mean go down there? After what you just said? With all the mutants and everything? Are you mad?”

“I don’t see we have any choice. If there is a working Exorcisor machine it will be in that lot somewhere, and I would rather go in daylight.”

“Good point,” Crady scrambled after the Mayor as he stumbled through remnants of the Great Registration wall.

They walked on in silence, picking their way over fallen stone blocks.

“There’s something missing here,” whispered Chinaren after a while.

“You mean the mutants?”

“No, I mean the bodies.”

“What? You want bodies now?”

“Look around. There is no evidence of any remains. This sort of scenario simply screams out for mountains of ancient skulls, if only for some sort of life-exterminating robot to roll over them in menacing fashion.”

“The mutants probably have them in their temple,” said Crady gloomily. She was beginning to wish she had stayed at home and just put a pillow over her head.

“Or those people,” said Chinaren, ducking down behind a stone and dragging Crady with him.

“Who? Oh.”

They peered around their rock to look at the robed shapes moving silently along the road in front of them. A dull chant echoed over the ruins.

“Are they saying what I think they are saying?” Whispered Crady.

“Sounds like: ‘I will not spam,’” hissed Chinaren back. “Smee would be right at home here.”

“Are we in another dimension do you think?”

Chinaren shrugged. “Don’t know. Come on, I think they have gone.”

They moved forward, more carefully this time.

“Where are we going?” Crady asked in a low voice as they paused for a rest behind a wall.

“Chinaren Hall, or the ruins anyway,” said Chinaren. “If the machine is anywhere, it will be there I am guessing. Come on, let’s keep going.” He started moving again.

“Er, Chinaren…”

“Come on, before someone sees us,” said China.

“You mean like them?” Crady pointed at the robes that were standing in a circle all around them.

Chinaren said a bad word.

The robes moved closer. Chinaren and Crady backed up, each trying to hide behind the other.

One figure approached and Chinaren finally caught a glimpse under the hood. His fur turned pale. “It can’t be…”

“What? Who is it?” asked Crady, trying to peer over his shoulder and close her eyes in terror at the same time.

“It.. .it’s…” Chinaren’s mouth opened and closed, the usually verbose Mayor at a loss for words.

“It’s as the prophet foretold!” The leader surged forward.

“You.. you can’t be!” Crady’s mouth fell open.

“The Builders have returned!!” :-o said.

“You are all Smileys!” Gasped Chinaren.

“It speaks!” Cried :shock: “They live!”

“I told you they would come,” said ;)

“What the…" Started Crady.

:censored: piped up. “That’s enough of that! You must come with us! The leader will wish to see you.”

“I’m dreaming,” said Crady, as the Smileys closed in, herding them up the rubble of Main Street.

“Come with us please,” said :smile:

They staggered up the remains of Nob road, the Smileys muttering amongst themselves all the while.

“At least we are heading nearer the Hall,” muttered Chinaren to Crady.

“Quiet there!” Said :nono: . “No talking!”

Slowly they approached the King’s palace, which seemed to be in slightly better condition than the rest of the buildings. Making their way through several guard Smiles, who watched them out of the corner of their eyes, they walked along obviously ancient hallways.

“We must be in the future,” whispered Chinaren, before being jabbed in the side by :off:

They approached a large pair of double doors, which swung open as they approached, revealing a large throne room. Chinaren and Crady peered about as they walked along, their footsteps echoing on the marble floor. The Smileys floated all around them, their robes dragging on the ground.

“All hail King Smile the XXII!” :D said, standing by a large golden throne.

“Sire,” :? bobbed briefly. “We have found these Builders walking in the City! What can it mean?”

:-) squinted from his seat. “Who are you strangers? Where do you come from? Why are you trespassing upon the sacred grounds of IF?”

“It’s the Ancients! They walk amongst us!” :-o exclaimed.

“It can’t be!” :nono: “argued. All the Builders died out thousands of StoryGame of the Months ago!”

“The orange one certainly resembles the one they called Chickenren,” said :|

“That’s Chinaren I’ll have you know!” Said Chinaren, drawing himself up.

“It can’t be,” :tdown: said, ignoring him. “This must be an imposter!”

“We must discuss this further,” declared :-). “Send these to the HOLE and submit your suggestions. We shall start a thread in the Sacred Open forum to decide what this means!”

“A vote! Put it to a Vote!” Cried :clap:

Chinaren and Crady were pushed off by several large Smileys as the argument continued.

“I am going to wake up in a minute,” said Crady as they were ushered into a small dusty room. The door slammed behind them, and there was the sound of a key turning in the lock.

“We must be in the future,” said Chinaren. “Something terrible has happened here.”

“What are we going to do? I want to go home!”

Chinaren sighed and brushed the dust of a chair. “I’m tired. Let me rest and think.”

>

Crady woke with a start. It was dark. She had fallen asleep sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall. She stretched and shivered, it was cold. Across the room Chinaren was slumped in his chair, snoring loudly.

There was a noise, barely audible over Chinaren. She looked about and saw a brick in the wall move slightly. Climbing to her feet she went over for a closer look, and saw that several bricks had already been removed.

“Help me out here,” a voice whispered from behind the stone.

Crady bent down and peered into the hole, into the wild haired face struggling in a dirty tunnel on the other side. A battered red bow-tie hung loosely around his neck.

“Well? Are you just going to stare, or are you going to help? I am trying to rescue you you know.”

“Sorry,” Crady whispered and pulled at the brick, pulling it out after a short amount of exertion.

“Just one more,” their rescuer said, and together they grunted and panted until it too, had been removed.

“Uh! What? Who? Fables!” Chinaren woke up.

“Impeccable timing,” muttered Crady. “Over here!” She hissed.

Chinaren came over and peered into the hole. “Argonaut? Is that you?”

“Come on, I will explain later. The Smileys will have finished their evening Review soon, and then they will come for you. Follow me.” He backed up the tunnel.

Crady and Chinaren looked at each other, shrugged and followed.

>

“Well, this is better I must say,” said Chinaren, putting his feet up on a table and taking a sip of tea. “But where is Jack, and everyone else? And how come you are still alive if this is the future?”

They were sitting in Jacks’ Sweet Little Pink Flower Tea Shoppe**, though it was somewhat more aged than Chinaren remembered it being.

“I’m it. There is no one else. We are here because the Smileys never found Dingle Dangle lane***, so we are quite safe.”

“But what happened? How come you are here and no one else is? What happened to everyone?” Asked Crady, who was beginning to lose it a little.

Argonaut sighed and took a sip of his drink, which Chinaren thought looked a rather dubious greeny color.

“I am here because you told me, back in the past, to make a clone of myself and cryogenically freeze it, setting the cryo machine to automatically revive myself in the future. You said that was when I would be a famous artist, the premier of the Age.” Argonaut frowned. “I don’t really appreciate being lied to you know.”

“I am sure I must have made an honest mistake,” said Chinaren.

“I don’t think so,” replied Argo, taking another drink. “When I awoke I found a note, telling me that you and Crady would arrive here in this time, to rescue you and to send you back to the past.”

“So you have a time machine here?” Asked Crady, smiling for the first time in a long while.

“Yes, over in the next room,” said Argo.

“Great! Then let’s go!”

“It’s not so easy,” Argo said. “It has no power.”

“What? You have been sitting around here and didn’t even get a bit of Idearium to fuel it?” Asked Chinaren.

“Look, you should be thankful I rescued you at all! Do you know what it’s like here?”

“I’m sorry Argo,” said Crady, shooting a look at Chinaren, which he ignored. “What happened to IF?”

Argo sighed and leaned back in his chair. “From what I can gather, things were going well until there was some kind of Idearium buildup, which went critical. One theory is that there was an overload of Hangover style SGames, which upset the balance, but we will probably never know for sure. Everyone was lost in the blast except me, Argo’s clone, deep in his secret underground laboratory. The city was devastated, with nearly all life wiped out. However, the smallest most insignificant creatures survived and mutated.”

“Masterweaver!” Said Chinaren.

“The Smileys!” Gasped Crady, making a face at China.

“That’s right. With no one to keep them in check, they spread and evolved. They grew up in the remains of the city, and now they worship it with some kind of bizarre cult, twisting good wholesome SGames into deviant rituals.”

“Cool,” said Crady.

“So they think we are some kind of God then?” asked Chinaren. “Not far wrong in my case of course,” he added modestly.

Argo scowled. “Some do, some think that should we return we would reclaim IF from them. Hence we are a dire threat.”

“So what are we waiting for? We have to go back in time and stop this horribleness!” Crady stood up determinedly.

“You forget, my time machine has no fuel.”

“Where could we get some?” Asked Chinaren. “There must be something left.”

Argo scratched his head. “Well, there is the High Smiles Temple. That’s where they took all the bodies…”

“Told you,” said Crady to China, who shrugged.

“…or there is the remains of the Idearium mines, but the radiation levels are seriously dangerous. Your head could explode if you get too close.”

“There must be another way! Think people, think!” Expounded Chinaren. “Oh. And is there any more of this tea?”

*Look it up in the Ifki.
**Tale of IF, chapter 13.
***Same chapter. Look, just go and read it okay?

>>>>>>

So there you have it gentle readers! IF in ruins! The Smileys have taken over! What are we to do?

<<<<<<

[Mastermind]

:lol: :lol: :lol:
And another :lol:
Try to find something salvageable, equipment or anything useful, really, then choose where to go (depending on what you find). Like, if you find some radiation suit, you go for the mines, if you find good weapons to protect yourself with, go for the High Smiles Temple, and if you're really lucky, you'll find someone's secret stash of Idearium.

[Christalnightshade]

Quote: something salvageable great idea.

Ok something of use, like a resurection scroll. and something to lower the power levels of the idearium mines, or something to destroy the power or to salvage it for the machine it self.
Argo nice entrance. :D Well, clone-- got any others stored somewhere, if yes, lets use his clone and throw him into the mines after the power was lowered a bit.

Or I could go flying about carry your body up to a roof of the temple of smilies and then you and argo absails down steals the scrolls and anything salvagable-- maybe find another statue- like rai holding a sword.

Then well hope nothing would go wrong... *cackles, maybe I go a bit nuts-- na- lets leave it there* Ah... we see cropses in covens...

Hye what of the vampires and werewolves-- they should still be living-- even ghouls-- yea smiley :-o ghouls should be walking around attending the rotting bodies-- or conserved bodies like egypttains. HEHE. Or just plain packed away...

Ah let me stop my thinking box now... lets see the others ideas.

:P
O well, after getting into the idearium mines... you'd know what to do. o-) :P

[Argonaut]

Alright! my clone in the future, fantastic :) ack smileys!

It doesn't seem too likely that they'll find much working equipment. Unless my clone knows of some stuff that was sealed away and protected from age. Perhaps in a 'secret' underground lab at the Technical Institute there might be some radiation protection. Of course where there's radiation, there's horrible mutants :D

Seeing the temple where they keep all the bodies sounds nice a creepy. Find some robes, get my clone to paint some masks, presto, instant smiley cult disguises.

Or perhaps another power source altogether. If anything can survive being buried in ruins for hundreds of years it's magical artifacts. In fact, it only seems to make them more powerful. They could head to fantasy forest in search of something magical (and possibly humorous) to power the machine.

[Christalnightshade]

Yea your right Argo. mutants in radiation area under Ti.
Sounds good. What of if they can speak, that be great.
try and comunacate with the beasties. Maybe it would be mutants like made out of the greater evil gas- you send me in to talk to them and that is how i get affected by the gas and get an secert evil side. And half maddening, but still undertstandeble. I don't mind being sent into the realm of mutants onward!! Goodluck to us three, but if monsters from stories live it would be mostlikely that the writer still lives.

Hey what of that monster in my story of odd effect huh china. :?
It be cool, to have an dead story that is still living's monsters wealking about or anyother monsters that comes from like master weaver and the greater evil ONE.

Or that way would work too... Quote: Seeing the temple where they keep all the bodies sounds nice a creepy. Find some robes, get my clone to paint some masks, presto, instant smiley cult disguises

Another Idea from your cought up friend nightshade.

nightshade :P

[dinranwen]

I F5 Argo. Or perhaps there are some other source of power such as Rai's leftover supply of Dragon Wine....that stuff should have some kick to it after sitting for a few thousand years.

[Lilith]

I wonder.. are there any other IFians left? Some that Argo may have overlooked? In agreement Din on the Dragon Wine but they should at least run into Rai. I mean, correct me if I am wrong but dragons are supposed to live for a loooooooonnnnnnnnggggg time, right?

[LordoftheNight]

Not if they die, or leave though. With the amount of immortal/eternal people in the city Din, they must have all either been killed, of fled.

I want to know what's happened in OF. Maybe I'm King there.
I'd like to be King.

[Crunchyfrog]

*quickly slaps a copyright on Hangover so nobody else can try it* o-)

(actually Hangover is still evolving in its style and is completely experimental so it would be foolish to use as a template at this stage. So there! ) :P


To the point - Supposing whatever happened to IF was to do with the Exorciser itself - it went mad and exorcised every soul in the city, that would banish everyone regardless of whether they were eternal. Everyone chucked down the Soul Well to Real Life...

OR....

Maybe the future you are beholding is the result of what might happen if the Greater Evil won the day in Hangover... Everything obliterated apart from the smileys who eventually evolve into what you have now...

I'm in favour of absolutely nobody left alive from the past... and you have to find the Idearium from bodies in the temple, artifacts left over from the past, or from the remains of the Idearium mines.

But... Something IM mentioned in Hangover, almost everyone and everything in IF has something of Idearium about them - which means China, Crady, and possibly the clone of Argo will, too, as well as the ruins of the buildings, well just about anything really.

Argo will need Idearium to make drawings....

It might actually be right under their noses, they may just need to collect enough material, and somehow smelt it, for want of a better word. Could be a huge project, they could fool the smileys into getting involved, like it is some huge miracle they are going to perform, yada yada yada....

(2.30 am, rambling here) :?

[D-Lotus]

Chinaren, please quit at everything else and simply dedicate yourself to comedy.

That was awesome! :D

And I really mean it, too, that was extremely entertaining. I look forward to any more chapters you produce.

[Christalnightshade]

Ah, your right there CF. They do need idearuim.

lets see Rai should still live and then her SGs too.
Idearuim from bodies.... "Ah no that's my body what you looking there for, you'll get crazydium and only alot of idea... there not idearium. go look in your own coffon" *clings to box* :P :oops:

*I guess it is about time I make the real place, where my short Sg and tails must be. :D*

Hope to see new chapter. o-) :P

[Alegria]

Hilarious and highly original.

Hmmm. Go to the High Temple and search bodies.

[Chinaren]

Thank-you for your comments people, I do appreciate them 'cos sometimes they give me ideas.

However, the DP here is where to find a power source for the Time Machine (or an alternative way back), not who may have lived and died. Currently, as Arogoclone stated, everyone is gone. :cry2:

So far we have:

The Temple (which may also turn out to be a Shrine/museum ahem) possibly diguised with Smiley masks. :lol:

Find some Idearium protection and go to the mines.

Find an ancient magical artifact, possibly in the Fant Forest.

Maybe some Dragon Wine?

Collect enough material and smelt the Idearium out of it.

Any others before I put a poll up?

[Christalnightshade]

To The Temple... and with it idearuim protection, you might not know what is hidden in the musuem-temple-shrine. O wait you need to go to the temple in order to get idearium and to make a protective shield. Just keep in mind we can't take Argo in the future into the past...

:D Nightshade