City of IF

[D-Lotus]

Nice chapter, Chinaren.

The cult of IF is a good idea. The destruction of IF, of course, came by the sudden en-mass growing of Hov style stories.

[Chinaren]

I'm right here! Okay, I put up the poll, so bite into the chocolate bar of voting.

[Crunchyfrog]

You missed out the Future museum option...

[Chinaren]

Crunchyfrog wrote: You missed out the Future museum option...

Sorry, missed that one. Ah well, I will try and put a museum in the winning option somewhere. I must say, I am warming to this future IF idea... :P

[Crunchyfrog]

Come to think of it, the museum idea could probably be incorporated into the cult idea, anyway, they are not far off from one another.

[Chinaren]

Okay, fun this. I have just had a like, totally radical idea and my fingers are itching to go. Hence, as the poll looks fairly definate, I am going to start writing...

:lol:

[Chinaren]

...and done!

Chapter 5. Evolution!

“We aren’t back are we?” asked Crady.

“Not unless something really bad has happened since we were away,” replied Chinaren, “and I doubt even the Guild of Evil* on a good day with lots of Phangs ‘special’ bottles of drink could manage this.

They were sitting on a small hill on the edge of what appeared to be the ruins of IF. Chinaren looked out through a hazy atmosphere, over a city that was obviously ancient and, he sincerely hoped, uninhabited. Plants covered what could be seen of crumbling buildings. Debris littered the streets, and the whole place had a dead air to it.

“Do you think anyone is alive down there?” Asked Crady.

“I really, really hope not,” said Chinaren.

“You hope not?”

“When have you ever heard of a ruined city inhabited by kind hearted folk who give you a slap up meal and show you to the only working IFSpace-time machine?” Chinaren sighed. “No, they are all populated by mutant flesh eating monsters with eerie powers.”

Crady thought for a moment and raised a finger. “You have a point.”

“Come on, let’s go.”

“Wait a minute! You mean go down there? After what you just said? With all the mutants and everything? Are you mad?”

“I don’t see we have any choice. If there is a working Exorcisor machine it will be in that lot somewhere, and I would rather go in daylight.”

“Good point,” Crady scrambled after the Mayor as he stumbled through remnants of the Great Registration wall.

They walked on in silence, picking their way over fallen stone blocks.

“There’s something missing here,” whispered Chinaren after a while.

“You mean the mutants?”

“No, I mean the bodies.”

“What? You want bodies now?”

“Look around. There is no evidence of any remains. This sort of scenario simply screams out for mountains of ancient skulls, if only for some sort of life-exterminating robot to roll over them in menacing fashion.”

“The mutants probably have them in their temple,” said Crady gloomily. She was beginning to wish she had stayed at home and just put a pillow over her head.

“Or those people,” said Chinaren, ducking down behind a stone and dragging Crady with him.

“Who? Oh.”

They peered around their rock to look at the robed shapes moving silently along the road in front of them. A dull chant echoed over the ruins.

“Are they saying what I think they are saying?” Whispered Crady.

“Sounds like: ‘I will not spam,’” hissed Chinaren back. “Smee would be right at home here.”

“Are we in another dimension do you think?”

Chinaren shrugged. “Don’t know. Come on, I think they have gone.”

They moved forward, more carefully this time.

“Where are we going?” Crady asked in a low voice as they paused for a rest behind a wall.

“Chinaren Hall, or the ruins anyway,” said Chinaren. “If the machine is anywhere, it will be there I am guessing. Come on, let’s keep going.” He started moving again.

“Er, Chinaren…”

“Come on, before someone sees us,” said China.

“You mean like them?” Crady pointed at the robes that were standing in a circle all around them.

Chinaren said a bad word.

The robes moved closer. Chinaren and Crady backed up, each trying to hide behind the other.

One figure approached and Chinaren finally caught a glimpse under the hood. His fur turned pale. “It can’t be…”

“What? Who is it?” asked Crady, trying to peer over his shoulder and close her eyes in terror at the same time.

“It.. .it’s…” Chinaren’s mouth opened and closed, the usually verbose Mayor at a loss for words.

“It’s as the prophet foretold!” The leader surged forward.

“You.. you can’t be!” Crady’s mouth fell open.

“The Builders have returned!!” :-o said.

“You are all Smileys!” Gasped Chinaren.

“It speaks!” Cried :shock: “They live!”

“I told you they would come,” said ;)

“What the…" Started Crady.

:censored: piped up. “That’s enough of that! You must come with us! The leader will wish to see you.”

“I’m dreaming,” said Crady, as the Smileys closed in, herding them up the rubble of Main Street.

“Come with us please,” said :smile:

They staggered up the remains of Nob road, the Smileys muttering amongst themselves all the while.

“At least we are heading nearer the Hall,” muttered Chinaren to Crady.

“Quiet there!” Said :nono: . “No talking!”

Slowly they approached the King’s palace, which seemed to be in slightly better condition than the rest of the buildings. Making their way through several guard Smiles, who watched them out of the corner of their eyes, they walked along obviously ancient hallways.

“We must be in the future,” whispered Chinaren, before being jabbed in the side by :off:

They approached a large pair of double doors, which swung open as they approached, revealing a large throne room. Chinaren and Crady peered about as they walked along, their footsteps echoing on the marble floor. The Smileys floated all around them, their robes dragging on the ground.

“All hail King Smile the XXII!” :D said, standing by a large golden throne.

“Sire,” :? bobbed briefly. “We have found these Builders walking in the City! What can it mean?”

:-) squinted from his seat. “Who are you strangers? Where do you come from? Why are you trespassing upon the sacred grounds of IF?”

“It’s the Ancients! They walk amongst us!” :-o exclaimed.

“It can’t be!” :nono: “argued. All the Builders died out thousands of StoryGame of the Months ago!”

“The orange one certainly resembles the one they called Chickenren,” said :|

“That’s Chinaren I’ll have you know!” Said Chinaren, drawing himself up.

“It can’t be,” :tdown: said, ignoring him. “This must be an imposter!”

“We must discuss this further,” declared :-). “Send these to the HOLE and submit your suggestions. We shall start a thread in the Sacred Open forum to decide what this means!”

“A vote! Put it to a Vote!” Cried :clap:

Chinaren and Crady were pushed off by several large Smileys as the argument continued.

“I am going to wake up in a minute,” said Crady as they were ushered into a small dusty room. The door slammed behind them, and there was the sound of a key turning in the lock.

“We must be in the future,” said Chinaren. “Something terrible has happened here.”

“What are we going to do? I want to go home!”

Chinaren sighed and brushed the dust of a chair. “I’m tired. Let me rest and think.”

>

Crady woke with a start. It was dark. She had fallen asleep sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall. She stretched and shivered, it was cold. Across the room Chinaren was slumped in his chair, snoring loudly.

There was a noise, barely audible over Chinaren. She looked about and saw a brick in the wall move slightly. Climbing to her feet she went over for a closer look, and saw that several bricks had already been removed.

“Help me out here,” a voice whispered from behind the stone.

Crady bent down and peered into the hole, into the wild haired face struggling in a dirty tunnel on the other side. A battered red bow-tie hung loosely around his neck.

“Well? Are you just going to stare, or are you going to help? I am trying to rescue you you know.”

“Sorry,” Crady whispered and pulled at the brick, pulling it out after a short amount of exertion.

“Just one more,” their rescuer said, and together they grunted and panted until it too, had been removed.

“Uh! What? Who? Fables!” Chinaren woke up.

“Impeccable timing,” muttered Crady. “Over here!” She hissed.

Chinaren came over and peered into the hole. “Argonaut? Is that you?”

“Come on, I will explain later. The Smileys will have finished their evening Review soon, and then they will come for you. Follow me.” He backed up the tunnel.

Crady and Chinaren looked at each other, shrugged and followed.

>

“Well, this is better I must say,” said Chinaren, putting his feet up on a table and taking a sip of tea. “But where is Jack, and everyone else? And how come you are still alive if this is the future?”

They were sitting in Jacks’ Sweet Little Pink Flower Tea Shoppe**, though it was somewhat more aged than Chinaren remembered it being.

“I’m it. There is no one else. We are here because the Smileys never found Dingle Dangle lane***, so we are quite safe.”

“But what happened? How come you are here and no one else is? What happened to everyone?” Asked Crady, who was beginning to lose it a little.

Argonaut sighed and took a sip of his drink, which Chinaren thought looked a rather dubious greeny color.

“I am here because you told me, back in the past, to make a clone of myself and cryogenically freeze it, setting the cryo machine to automatically revive myself in the future. You said that was when I would be a famous artist, the premier of the Age.” Argonaut frowned. “I don’t really appreciate being lied to you know.”

“I am sure I must have made an honest mistake,” said Chinaren.

“I don’t think so,” replied Argo, taking another drink. “When I awoke I found a note, telling me that you and Crady would arrive here in this time, to rescue you and to send you back to the past.”

“So you have a time machine here?” Asked Crady, smiling for the first time in a long while.

“Yes, over in the next room,” said Argo.

“Great! Then let’s go!”

“It’s not so easy,” Argo said. “It has no power.”

“What? You have been sitting around here and didn’t even get a bit of Idearium to fuel it?” Asked Chinaren.

“Look, you should be thankful I rescued you at all! Do you know what it’s like here?”

“I’m sorry Argo,” said Crady, shooting a look at Chinaren, which he ignored. “What happened to IF?”

Argo sighed and leaned back in his chair. “From what I can gather, things were going well until there was some kind of Idearium buildup, which went critical. One theory is that there was an overload of Hangover style SGames, which upset the balance, but we will probably never know for sure. Everyone was lost in the blast except me, Argo’s clone, deep in his secret underground laboratory. The city was devastated, with nearly all life wiped out. However, the smallest most insignificant creatures survived and mutated.”

“Masterweaver!” Said Chinaren.

“The Smileys!” Gasped Crady, making a face at China.

“That’s right. With no one to keep them in check, they spread and evolved. They grew up in the remains of the city, and now they worship it with some kind of bizarre cult, twisting good wholesome SGames into deviant rituals.”

“Cool,” said Crady.

“So they think we are some kind of God then?” asked Chinaren. “Not far wrong in my case of course,” he added modestly.

Argo scowled. “Some do, some think that should we return we would reclaim IF from them. Hence we are a dire threat.”

“So what are we waiting for? We have to go back in time and stop this horribleness!” Crady stood up determinedly.

“You forget, my time machine has no fuel.”

“Where could we get some?” Asked Chinaren. “There must be something left.”

Argo scratched his head. “Well, there is the High Smiles Temple. That’s where they took all the bodies…”

“Told you,” said Crady to China, who shrugged.

“…or there is the remains of the Idearium mines, but the radiation levels are seriously dangerous. Your head could explode if you get too close.”

“There must be another way! Think people, think!” Expounded Chinaren. “Oh. And is there any more of this tea?”

*Look it up in the Ifki.
**Tale of IF, chapter 13.
***Same chapter. Look, just go and read it okay?

>>>>>>

So there you have it gentle readers! IF in ruins! The Smileys have taken over! What are we to do?

<<<<<<

[Mastermind]

:lol: :lol: :lol:
And another :lol:
Try to find something salvageable, equipment or anything useful, really, then choose where to go (depending on what you find). Like, if you find some radiation suit, you go for the mines, if you find good weapons to protect yourself with, go for the High Smiles Temple, and if you're really lucky, you'll find someone's secret stash of Idearium.

[Guest]

Quote: something salvageable great idea.

Ok something of use, like a resurection scroll. and something to lower the power levels of the idearium mines, or something to destroy the power or to salvage it for the machine it self.
Argo nice entrance. :D Well, clone-- got any others stored somewhere, if yes, lets use his clone and throw him into the mines after the power was lowered a bit.

Or I could go flying about carry your body up to a roof of the temple of smilies and then you and argo absails down steals the scrolls and anything salvagable-- maybe find another statue- like rai holding a sword.

Then well hope nothing would go wrong... *cackles, maybe I go a bit nuts-- na- lets leave it there* Ah... we see cropses in covens...

Hye what of the vampires and werewolves-- they should still be living-- even ghouls-- yea smiley :-o ghouls should be walking around attending the rotting bodies-- or conserved bodies like egypttains. HEHE. Or just plain packed away...

Ah let me stop my thinking box now... lets see the others ideas.

:P
O well, after getting into the idearium mines... you'd know what to do. o-) :P

[Argonaut]

Alright! my clone in the future, fantastic :) ack smileys!

It doesn't seem too likely that they'll find much working equipment. Unless my clone knows of some stuff that was sealed away and protected from age. Perhaps in a 'secret' underground lab at the Technical Institute there might be some radiation protection. Of course where there's radiation, there's horrible mutants :D

Seeing the temple where they keep all the bodies sounds nice a creepy. Find some robes, get my clone to paint some masks, presto, instant smiley cult disguises.

Or perhaps another power source altogether. If anything can survive being buried in ruins for hundreds of years it's magical artifacts. In fact, it only seems to make them more powerful. They could head to fantasy forest in search of something magical (and possibly humorous) to power the machine.

[Guest]

Yea your right Argo. mutants in radiation area under Ti.
Sounds good. What of if they can speak, that be great.
try and comunacate with the beasties. Maybe it would be mutants like made out of the greater evil gas- you send me in to talk to them and that is how i get affected by the gas and get an secert evil side. And half maddening, but still undertstandeble. I don't mind being sent into the realm of mutants onward!! Goodluck to us three, but if monsters from stories live it would be mostlikely that the writer still lives.

Hey what of that monster in my story of odd effect huh china. :?
It be cool, to have an dead story that is still living's monsters wealking about or anyother monsters that comes from like master weaver and the greater evil ONE.

Or that way would work too... Quote: Seeing the temple where they keep all the bodies sounds nice a creepy. Find some robes, get my clone to paint some masks, presto, instant smiley cult disguises

Another Idea from your cought up friend nightshade.

nightshade :P

[dinranwen]

I F5 Argo. Or perhaps there are some other source of power such as Rai's leftover supply of Dragon Wine....that stuff should have some kick to it after sitting for a few thousand years.

[Lilith]

I wonder.. are there any other IFians left? Some that Argo may have overlooked? In agreement Din on the Dragon Wine but they should at least run into Rai. I mean, correct me if I am wrong but dragons are supposed to live for a loooooooonnnnnnnnggggg time, right?

[LordoftheNight]

Not if they die, or leave though. With the amount of immortal/eternal people in the city Din, they must have all either been killed, of fled.

I want to know what's happened in OF. Maybe I'm King there.
I'd like to be King.

[Crunchyfrog]

*quickly slaps a copyright on Hangover so nobody else can try it* o-)

(actually Hangover is still evolving in its style and is completely experimental so it would be foolish to use as a template at this stage. So there! ) :P


To the point - Supposing whatever happened to IF was to do with the Exorciser itself - it went mad and exorcised every soul in the city, that would banish everyone regardless of whether they were eternal. Everyone chucked down the Soul Well to Real Life...

OR....

Maybe the future you are beholding is the result of what might happen if the Greater Evil won the day in Hangover... Everything obliterated apart from the smileys who eventually evolve into what you have now...

I'm in favour of absolutely nobody left alive from the past... and you have to find the Idearium from bodies in the temple, artifacts left over from the past, or from the remains of the Idearium mines.

But... Something IM mentioned in Hangover, almost everyone and everything in IF has something of Idearium about them - which means China, Crady, and possibly the clone of Argo will, too, as well as the ruins of the buildings, well just about anything really.

Argo will need Idearium to make drawings....

It might actually be right under their noses, they may just need to collect enough material, and somehow smelt it, for want of a better word. Could be a huge project, they could fool the smileys into getting involved, like it is some huge miracle they are going to perform, yada yada yada....

(2.30 am, rambling here) :?

[D-Lotus]

Chinaren, please quit at everything else and simply dedicate yourself to comedy.

That was awesome! :D

And I really mean it, too, that was extremely entertaining. I look forward to any more chapters you produce.

[Guest]

Ah, your right there CF. They do need idearuim.

lets see Rai should still live and then her SGs too.
Idearuim from bodies.... "Ah no that's my body what you looking there for, you'll get crazydium and only alot of idea... there not idearium. go look in your own coffon" *clings to box* :P :oops:

*I guess it is about time I make the real place, where my short Sg and tails must be. :D*

Hope to see new chapter. o-) :P

[Alegria]

Hilarious and highly original.

Hmmm. Go to the High Temple and search bodies.

[Chinaren]

Thank-you for your comments people, I do appreciate them 'cos sometimes they give me ideas.

However, the DP here is where to find a power source for the Time Machine (or an alternative way back), not who may have lived and died. Currently, as Arogoclone stated, everyone is gone. :cry2:

So far we have:

The Temple (which may also turn out to be a Shrine/museum ahem) possibly diguised with Smiley masks. :lol:

Find some Idearium protection and go to the mines.

Find an ancient magical artifact, possibly in the Fant Forest.

Maybe some Dragon Wine?

Collect enough material and smelt the Idearium out of it.

Any others before I put a poll up?

[Guest]

To The Temple... and with it idearuim protection, you might not know what is hidden in the musuem-temple-shrine. O wait you need to go to the temple in order to get idearium and to make a protective shield. Just keep in mind we can't take Argo in the future into the past...

:D Nightshade

[Chinaren]

Quote: keep in mind we can't take Argo in the future into the past...

Why not?

[Mastermind]

In Skiffyville, there might be some other means of time/space transportation system.

[The White Blacksmith]

While the Smileys are all milling around by the cells, wondering where you've gone, in the morning, throw a smoke bomb (look in Sasuke's house, every good ninja has some) and 'appear' like a God. Then tell them that you came from the great Chat Room in the sky to tell them that you are please with their efforts, but you are now displeased, and if they do not give you enough Idearium you will destroy them all!

[Chinaren]

That's enough time then.

Thrust your cattle prod at the cow of voting.

[Lilith]

*throws cattle prod at Chinaren* I will do no such thing to a cow! But I will vote for other Skiffiville time transport machine.

[Guest]

(smoke bomb) then after using it, before their heads will be chopped off by th wooden blades. then they run... sorry. still I vote for measuem still. :D but voted for bomb. :D
dum dum dum. :P


nightshade

[algu95]

Seems i came too late for a suggestion, which would be that a SGame figure had escaped from the SGame and could help them out... Anyways, I have voted.

[Idea master]

I voted for this.

[Guest]

Quote: Quote:
keep in mind we can't take Argo in the future into the past...


Why not?

It would change the future. and then we would never have- maybe- gotten back into If. And our past slefs who are in the future would be stuck in the jail cell, not knowing how to excape. We could take him but It still leaves the clone in the present time aslong as nothing then happens to both then the future and past would be fine.

[Lilith]

Quite a conundrum, this paradox that has been created..... but I f5 Argo and Shades.... can't take future Argo to the past because it could affect the future in a very bad and twisted way.... :shock:

Hey! On second thought, go ahead and take him to the past... muahahahahaha....... lol! :cool: ;) :D

[Chinaren]

Quote: It would change the future. and then we would never have- maybe- gotten back into If.

As much as I like a good paradox, this wouldn't be one. It would just mean Arclone has come back to the past, his job in the future done. In any case, do you really think I couldn't figure out some nas.... er, interesting thing to do with him? :lol:

[Argonaut]

Poor Argoclone, to be the victim of Chinaren's "interesting things" I really feel sorry or him.

[Chinaren]

K then. Off to the temple. Chapter 7 is being written.

[Chinaren]

Chapter 7. The Ghost of StoryGames past.

“I don’t know,” said Argo clone.

“Well, you made it. Surely you know where Jack kept the stuff.”

“I’m not talking about the tea,” said Arclone*. “I was referring to the Idearium situation.”

“Oh,” said Chinaren. “So there is some tea left then?”

“Stop babbling on about the tea!” Shouted Crady. “Don’t you want to get out of here?”

“Of course, but a good cup of tea is a good cup of tea. Especially when it’s free,” Chinaren pouted.

“Where’s the Smiles Temple?” Asked Crady, turning to Arclone. “If there is anything with Idearium, they would likely have placed it in their sacred area.”

“It’s not easy to gain entrance,” he replied. “It’s in the old City Council hall, which seems to have somehow remained eerily undamaged by the disaster that befell the rest of the city.”

“I’m sure there’s a totally rational explanation,” said Chinaren dismissively. “The question is, how do we get to it?”

“We won’t be able to get near easily,” said Arclone. “There are guards all around the place all times of day and night.”

“Maybe an old tunnel?” Crady asked Chinaren. “I’m sure the council would have bolt holes, for times of crisis.”

Chinaren sighed and put his empty teacup down on the table. “Firstly, the Council doesn’t have crises. We respond to any emergency with dignified calm.”

“Hah!” Said Arclone.

Chinaren ignored the outburst. “Secondly, Key filled all the tunnels in when one of them collapsed when he walked over it and he got stuck in the passageway. Of course, others may have been dug after, but that would be in my future. At least my future in the past.”

“So, how are we going to get in then?” Crady demanded. “We can’t just walk up to it, they would be all over us in a minute.”

“Actually,” said Arclone. “Maybe we can…”

*I can’t be bothered to type Argo clone all the time.

>

“It keeps slipping off! This is insane!” Said Crady, her voice muffled.

“Tighten the string then,” replied Arclone, securing his mask. “How do I look?”

“Happy,” said Chinaren.

“Why do I get the frowny one?” Complained Crady, adjusting her Smiley mask face.

“I think we all know the answer to that,” said Chinaren Smiley.

“Here, some spare robes I managed to filch,” said Arclone, handing out some dusty gray garments.

They shook the cloaks and draped them over their heads, then stood back and considered the disguises. Arclone may have been a copy, but he had all the talent of the original, and he had fashioned some large smiley masks for the three of them. With the cloaks covering their bodies they could be mistaken for, from a distance in poor light, Smileys.

“Alright then,” said Chinaren. “Let’s do this thing.”

They headed out of Jack’s teahouse and Arclone closed the door.

“Come on then,” said Chinaren, as the clone stood and looked at the shop.

“You know, when we leave here we will be the last people to ever be in IF, it’s kind of sad,” Arclone said.

“If we get back we can find out what happened and stop the disaster, or at least take precautions,” replied the Mayor. “Anyway, one step at a time. Come on.”

They trooped down Dingle Dangle lane, towards the seemingly solid wall* at the end and paused.

“Are we ready?” Asked Chinaren.

“No,” answered Crady.

“I’ve been waiting years for this,” said Arclone. “One way or another, it finishes tonight.”

“Then here we go.” Chinaren poked a finger at a spot in the brickwork, and they all vanished.

*A flux in the continuum meant DD lane was tucked away in a pocket of warped IFSpace-time, and was actually the size of a pin head. Entrance was via a crack in the fabric of the universe which sucked you in and spat you out. If you want me to explain how this happened you can just bugger off.

>

The city was even worse in the gloom of the evening. Crumbling buildings loomed up in the dark, towering over the three as they made their careful way through deserted streets, glaring at them with empty windows as if accusing them of desertion.

They approached one open square Chinaren didn’t recognize.

“What’s this place?” He asked, peering up at the obsidian statue in the middle of the space.

“Apparently it was erected during the time of Masterweaver the Mad, during his short reign as mayor,” answered Arclone in a low voice. “It was written in some ancient papers I found. Three thousand OFian slaves and two kittens died during its construction.”

“Poor kittens,” said Crady.

“I know, it’s a tragedy,” said Arclone. “The citizens were so incensed they rose up in revolt and Masterweaver was forced from office, despite the fact he had won over ten SGotMonths.”

“The future is truly another city.” Chinaren shook his head. “Hey! Those papers didn’t mention the results of any horse races did they?”

“Hush! Someone’s coming,” interrupted Crady.

The three shuffled up to the base of the statue, which was inscribed with ‘Lecro lives!’ in bronze inlay.

“Smileys!” Hissed Arclone.

They pressed themselves against the stone as the rulers of the ruins of IF floated by.

“Isn’t this fun?” They heard :P say.

“No it isn’t!” Replied :mad:

“It’s all very depressing,” :sadd: chimed in. “We should have sacrificed them when they first arrived. “Where did they come from anyway…”

The voices faded as the Smileys moved on.

“They’ve gone,” said Arclone, peering round the corner.

“We needn’t have hidden, we are disguised,” said Crady.

“Best to remain unseen when possible,” said Chinaren. “Now then, the Council hall should be down here. Let’s move.”

They moved off again, down into another side road filled with debris.

“I think I preferred the evil dimension to this one,” Crady said, looking around at the dead city. “At least the FIians knew how to have a good time.”

“Up there. At the end of this road we will be on a main thoroughfare,” said Chinaren. “Just walk smoothly and don’t speak.”

They straightened their disguises one more time, and stepped out into the street. Only a couple of other Smileys could be seen, floating along in the distance.

Walking in single file, they headed for the Council hall, wrapping the cloaks around them to shield the fact they had legs.

A little way up drunken singing could be heard, and :drunk: weaved erratically down the road towards them.

“Hey hey!” One of them said. “Wassup?”

“Good evening brother,” said Arclone Smiley.

“Yeah, whatever,” the Smiley was distracted as his friend fell over.

The three IFians moved quickly passed.

“Phew, well the disguises work anyway,” whispered Crady.

“For a couple of steaming drunks,” said Arclone. “Those will be something else again,” he nodded to indicate the group ahead.

“Keep moving, they have seen us,” Chinaren hissed.

“Hey you three!” :big: said. “You’re early!”

“We are eager to pay our respects,” said Chinaren Smiley.

“Hey, who are you guys?” :roll: bobbed close. “I don’t recognize you.”

“We’re from… ah, the City of OF,” said Arclone Smiley.

“We rule there too?” asked :roll:. “Cool.”

“Smileys rule brother!” Said Chinaren Smiley.

“There’s something funny here,” said :erm: joining the conversation.

“Oh come on! It’s a great night to be alive!” Exclaimed :big: “Pass brothers! Just don’t venture into the walled off area!”

“Why’s that then?” Asked Crady Smiley.

“Haha! You OFian Smileys! What jokers you are!” :big: answered. “It’s guarded of course! The place of worship is outside the main Shrine.”

“Of course,” Chinaren said, only just stopping himself from kicking Crady. “Let’s go brothers!”

“The walked smoothly into the grounds, following an overgrown path.

“We have to get into the Hall,” hissed Chinaren. “This trail is just following the outer wall.”

“There, a gap in the fence,” Crady said.

They looked about, and ducked through the gap.

“What could be guarding here?” Mused Arclone.

“It’s probably no one. Come on, let’s hurry.”

They slinked through the Council grounds as quietly as possible.

“You know,” said Crady as they made their way through the gardens, “this place is really in good condition. Look, the plants are all tended and alive.”

“They aren’t real,” said Chinaren. “Key wouldn’t pay for a gardener, despite my competitive tender.”

“Someone’s over there!” Said Arclone.

They ducked down behind a statue of Key, though it was easily big enough to hide them all, being a life size replica.

“Oh! Now I know who is guarding here,” said Chinaren. “Duck, quick!”

They all did so as :x floated by.

“Do you think it could turn you to stone?” Asked Crady.

“I’m not going to find out,” Chinaren answered. “Hurry now, the entrance is that way.”

They dashed over the grounds towards the main double doors. Arclone pushed on them. They didn’t budge. “It’s locked!” He said.

“Stand aside, I have the keys here somewhere,” said Chinaren, pulling out a large keyring from his pouch and fiddling about with the lock.

“Hurry,” said Crady. “It’s coming back.” She jumped about frantically as Chinaren fumbled about in the dark.

“Ah, this one!” He said finally, inserting the key and trying to turn it. “It’s stuck!”

“Here, let me try,” Arclone pushed him to one side and wrenched at the thing. “It’s just stiff that’s all.”

“A common problem I have,” said Chinaren.

“Get a move on!” Shouted Crady as the medusa Smiley approached, alerted by the activity.

Arclone made a desperate effort and the lock clicked. He pushed again, and the door swung open under his weight. Chinaren and Arclone fell inside.

“EEEkkk!” Screamed Crady.

Chinaren reached back and pulled at her leg, dragging her inside. Arclone slammed the door behind them.

“Crady, are you okay?” Chinaren asked, rolling her over.

“My mask slipped, I couldn’t see anything,” replied the figure. “You sound concerned Mr. Mayor, I didn’t know you cared.”

“You still owe me rent,” said Chinaren, standing up and looking around.

They discarded their masks and cloaks and crept into the Council lobby. It was eerily quiet inside.

“I thought the Smileys would be here, in the Hall,” said Crady.

“Oh no. They don’t come in here anymore. Once they did, a long time ago, but never now.”

“Look, it’s all in perfect condition!” Said Chinaren.

They crept through the dark reception area, passing portraits of long dead IFians glaring down from the walls. “Hey, that’s me up there!” Pointed Crady. “But I look older.” She leaned closer, trying to make out details in the gloom.

“Let’s not dawdle,” said Chinaren. “The Council chambers are over this way. We should look there first.”

He made his way slowly down the corridor, the other two creeping behind him.

“Did you ever find out why the Smileys don’t come here?” Asked Crady.

“I just assumed it was sacred ground,” said Arclone.

“Or they are scared of something,” said Crady.

“But what’s to be scared of? There’s nothing left alive,” replied the artist.

“Exactly,” said Crady.

The others looked around, suddenly nervous, and there was a subtle jostling for position as they tried to hide behind her.

“Why did we have to come here in the dark?” She asked. “Did you hear that?”

“Probably just a mouse or something,” said Chinaren.

“A dead mouse?”

“That’s right. Blowing in the wind.”

“Oh right, ‘cos it’s really breezy in here isn’t it?” Whispered Crady.

“Well, we have to move. We can’t huddle here all night,” said Arclone.

“Speak for yourself,” said Crady.

“Er... That painting is watching us!” Arclone said, pointing at a picture of IM. “It’s a pretty crap drawing too,” he added. “Just look at that brushwork.”

“Don’t make it mad!” Said Chinaren, waving his hands around frantically.

The painting, which was a closeup of IM and hence already fairly horrible to behold, smiled.

“Fug!” Said Chinaren, covering his eyes. “Run!”

They ran, as a hollow laugh echoed around the passage.

“I’m a Master Magician!” It exclaimed, in icy tones.

A cold wind blew around the three as they barged through the door to the main Council chamber, where they stopped dead.

‘Dead’ being the operative word.

Crady screamed.

The Council chamber was full. The chairs occupied. By the remains of IFians long since departed.

A large skeletal frame was resting at the head of the table, a mug clasped in one hand. As the three gaped, the skull slowly turned, fixing them with a chilling, empty eyed, glare. A whisper flowed through the chamber.

“Soooo Chiiiinaren, youuu have arrived at lasssst. Weeee have beeeen waitingggg for you!” The ghost of Key raised an arm and pointed a long bony finger at the Mayor. “Yooooo are laaaaaate! The penalty is…. Death!”

“Aahhhhh!” Cried Chinaren.

“And a large fable ffffine!” Added the corpse of Smee.

“NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!” Chinaren cried again, this time with feeling.

Slowly, with much clacking of bones, the council stood.

“Well,” Crady turned to Chinaren, “I think I will be going now. Have a nice meeting,” she said, and started to back away.

“Kill them! Kill them all!” Cried the ghost of Rai, whose head was missing.

“I wantttt flesshhh!” The spirit of the original Argonaut wavered above his remains, which held a pencil.

Sod this,” said Arclone. “Run!”

The three turned and ran, the ghost council in ghastly pursuit.

“Up here,” shouted Chinaren, passing through an apparition of Chiacutie. “Hey! You aren’t on the Council!” He said.

“Spamspamspam,” replied the lost soul, totally off topic as usual.

“To the Labs!” Said Chinaren.

They raced down another corridor, Arclone smashing through the corpse of Muaddib, who was babbling something about a ‘Golden Path’.

“Here!”

They entered a large room and, to their immense relief, there was the by now familiar shape of the Exorcisor machine.

Chinaren ran up to it and hit switches and dials. A low hum started, and a vortex appeared in the center.

“Chinaaaarennnn! Ohhh Chinareennnnn!” An eerie voice whispered through the room. “Come and join ussss! We need warmth, it’s ssssso coldddd herrrrrre.”

“Come on you bucket of bolts!” Chinaren hit the machine. It bleeped.

“It’s ready!” he said.

“Great!” Crady pushed him to one side and dived into the vortex. There was a dull thrumming sound, and a pop as she vanished.

“Hey! Me first!” Shouted the Mayor, desperately resetting the dials.

“Let’s go!” Said Arclone.

“Wait! It needs to recharge!”

A skull peered around the doorway. “There you arrrre!”

“Now Key, I can explain everything. You see, I was pruning the Religion thread when… Arg!!” He dived to one side as the Key skeleton raised a hand and fired a bolt of blue lighting at him. It missed and hit the machine, which started producing an urgent alarm.

“Come to usssss!” Key’s body lurched forward, followed by a smaller figure, with rotten fur hanging off.

“Hey Stoat! I thought you had left IF,” Chinaren said, backing away.

“I linger still, unseen but present,” said the twisted Stoat bones.

“Come on!” Arclone grabbed Chinaren and ran for the vortex.

“It’s not calibrated!” Shouted Chianren.

“If you want to stay here with this lot, you can if you want,” replied the clone.

Chinaren glanced at the angry spirits behind him.

“Bugger that!” He said.

“Thought so,” Said Arclone.

They jumped into the vortex…

>

CyrstalNightShade pounded on the thin divider of her tiny room, denting the Chinaren Inc. ‘Low Income housing for Newbies’ wall. “Shut up!” She shouted, to no avail. No wonder this apartment had been so cheap, despite being in the ‘Big Nobs’ district. The bloody neighbors were up around the clock it seemed, partying all hours of the night and day.

“That’s it!” Crady threw the flimsy covers of her bed back and stomped angrily over to her closet, a distance of several footsteps. She yanked at the cupboard door hard, pulling the entire thing off its hinges in her haste. She would go next door and sort this out herself…

>

Chinaren awoke, his head aching. “Oooow. I’m never going to drink again, I swear.” Then, just in case, he added: “Today.”

“You may be right there,” said Arclone, looking around.

“Oh come one! You have to be kidding!” Said China. “Where are we now???”

>>>>>>

K folks, not quite as amusing this time, but my Amusium stocks are low.

So, once more (and this will be the last time) Chinaren finds himself not where/when he wants to be. Where is he and Arclone this time?

<<<<<<

[Idea master]

Just one, small, mathematical error. It ought to be Chapter Six.

Now, where are they? It's rather obvious by this time.

They've finally shown up in one of Chickenren's old storygames. Namely, Good Versus Evil Versus Money. And even though he's stopped writing it, the story continues...

[Mastermind]

Well, as you've already used the parallel universe and the future, it's just RL and the past left. Unless someone come up with something new, that is.

Oh, and
Quote: “Best to remain unseen where possible,”
“Best to remain unseen when possible,”

Quote: “.You sound concerned Mr. Mayor, I didn’t know you cared.”
There's a little period there that's not supposed to be there.

[Argonaut]

You're forgetting one other suggestion that was made. I should still like to see them deal with the dark lords of THE :)

[Lilith]

My, my, my, China. I think you official hit the 'stupid point' in your drunken stupor this time, lol! Anyhoot, as before, I support the RL thing. Go for it!

[Idea master]

Waitwaitwait!

Quote: “Oooow. I’m never going to drink again, I swear.” Then, just in case, he added: “Today.”

“You may be right there,” said Arclone, looking around."

This sparked an idea!

What if they're in RL past, say, Prohibition time frame? That ought to really shake him up!

*Cackles evilly to himself*

[Chinaren]

I don't know why guys, but I am not a fan of the idea of them being in RL. :?

Quote: you've already used the parallel universe and the future, it's just RL and the past left

There's more than one parallel universe I am sure, and there is a lot of future too. If someone comes up with a different idea... plus Argo's idea of them being in THE or somewhere.

Thanks for the typos spots, it was late when I finished this, and I was a little drunk, so didn't go over it as well as I usually would.

Anyway, I'm sure someone will come up with something twisted. They usually do...

Oh, and I think Chapter 6 must have been lost in some kind of time-flux thingy... :-o