City of IF

[Chinaren]

Quote: keep in mind we can't take Argo in the future into the past...

Why not?

[Mastermind]

In Skiffyville, there might be some other means of time/space transportation system.

[The White Blacksmith]

While the Smileys are all milling around by the cells, wondering where you've gone, in the morning, throw a smoke bomb (look in Sasuke's house, every good ninja has some) and 'appear' like a God. Then tell them that you came from the great Chat Room in the sky to tell them that you are please with their efforts, but you are now displeased, and if they do not give you enough Idearium you will destroy them all!

[Chinaren]

That's enough time then.

Thrust your cattle prod at the cow of voting.

[Lilith]

*throws cattle prod at Chinaren* I will do no such thing to a cow! But I will vote for other Skiffiville time transport machine.

[Christalnightshade]

(smoke bomb) then after using it, before their heads will be chopped off by th wooden blades. then they run... sorry. still I vote for measuem still. :D but voted for bomb. :D
dum dum dum. :P


nightshade

[algu95]

Seems i came too late for a suggestion, which would be that a SGame figure had escaped from the SGame and could help them out... Anyways, I have voted.

[Idea master]

I voted for this.

[Christalnightshade]

Quote: Quote:
keep in mind we can't take Argo in the future into the past...


Why not?

It would change the future. and then we would never have- maybe- gotten back into If. And our past slefs who are in the future would be stuck in the jail cell, not knowing how to excape. We could take him but It still leaves the clone in the present time aslong as nothing then happens to both then the future and past would be fine.

[Lilith]

Quite a conundrum, this paradox that has been created..... but I f5 Argo and Shades.... can't take future Argo to the past because it could affect the future in a very bad and twisted way.... :shock:

Hey! On second thought, go ahead and take him to the past... muahahahahaha....... lol! :cool: ;) :D

[Chinaren]

Quote: It would change the future. and then we would never have- maybe- gotten back into If.

As much as I like a good paradox, this wouldn't be one. It would just mean Arclone has come back to the past, his job in the future done. In any case, do you really think I couldn't figure out some nas.... er, interesting thing to do with him? :lol:

[Argonaut]

Poor Argoclone, to be the victim of Chinaren's "interesting things" I really feel sorry or him.

[Chinaren]

K then. Off to the temple. Chapter 7 is being written.

[Chinaren]

Chapter 7. The Ghost of StoryGames past.

“I don’t know,” said Argo clone.

“Well, you made it. Surely you know where Jack kept the stuff.”

“I’m not talking about the tea,” said Arclone*. “I was referring to the Idearium situation.”

“Oh,” said Chinaren. “So there is some tea left then?”

“Stop babbling on about the tea!” Shouted Crady. “Don’t you want to get out of here?”

“Of course, but a good cup of tea is a good cup of tea. Especially when it’s free,” Chinaren pouted.

“Where’s the Smiles Temple?” Asked Crady, turning to Arclone. “If there is anything with Idearium, they would likely have placed it in their sacred area.”

“It’s not easy to gain entrance,” he replied. “It’s in the old City Council hall, which seems to have somehow remained eerily undamaged by the disaster that befell the rest of the city.”

“I’m sure there’s a totally rational explanation,” said Chinaren dismissively. “The question is, how do we get to it?”

“We won’t be able to get near easily,” said Arclone. “There are guards all around the place all times of day and night.”

“Maybe an old tunnel?” Crady asked Chinaren. “I’m sure the council would have bolt holes, for times of crisis.”

Chinaren sighed and put his empty teacup down on the table. “Firstly, the Council doesn’t have crises. We respond to any emergency with dignified calm.”

“Hah!” Said Arclone.

Chinaren ignored the outburst. “Secondly, Key filled all the tunnels in when one of them collapsed when he walked over it and he got stuck in the passageway. Of course, others may have been dug after, but that would be in my future. At least my future in the past.”

“So, how are we going to get in then?” Crady demanded. “We can’t just walk up to it, they would be all over us in a minute.”

“Actually,” said Arclone. “Maybe we can…”

*I can’t be bothered to type Argo clone all the time.

>

“It keeps slipping off! This is insane!” Said Crady, her voice muffled.

“Tighten the string then,” replied Arclone, securing his mask. “How do I look?”

“Happy,” said Chinaren.

“Why do I get the frowny one?” Complained Crady, adjusting her Smiley mask face.

“I think we all know the answer to that,” said Chinaren Smiley.

“Here, some spare robes I managed to filch,” said Arclone, handing out some dusty gray garments.

They shook the cloaks and draped them over their heads, then stood back and considered the disguises. Arclone may have been a copy, but he had all the talent of the original, and he had fashioned some large smiley masks for the three of them. With the cloaks covering their bodies they could be mistaken for, from a distance in poor light, Smileys.

“Alright then,” said Chinaren. “Let’s do this thing.”

They headed out of Jack’s teahouse and Arclone closed the door.

“Come on then,” said Chinaren, as the clone stood and looked at the shop.

“You know, when we leave here we will be the last people to ever be in IF, it’s kind of sad,” Arclone said.

“If we get back we can find out what happened and stop the disaster, or at least take precautions,” replied the Mayor. “Anyway, one step at a time. Come on.”

They trooped down Dingle Dangle lane, towards the seemingly solid wall* at the end and paused.

“Are we ready?” Asked Chinaren.

“No,” answered Crady.

“I’ve been waiting years for this,” said Arclone. “One way or another, it finishes tonight.”

“Then here we go.” Chinaren poked a finger at a spot in the brickwork, and they all vanished.

*A flux in the continuum meant DD lane was tucked away in a pocket of warped IFSpace-time, and was actually the size of a pin head. Entrance was via a crack in the fabric of the universe which sucked you in and spat you out. If you want me to explain how this happened you can just bugger off.

>

The city was even worse in the gloom of the evening. Crumbling buildings loomed up in the dark, towering over the three as they made their careful way through deserted streets, glaring at them with empty windows as if accusing them of desertion.

They approached one open square Chinaren didn’t recognize.

“What’s this place?” He asked, peering up at the obsidian statue in the middle of the space.

“Apparently it was erected during the time of Masterweaver the Mad, during his short reign as mayor,” answered Arclone in a low voice. “It was written in some ancient papers I found. Three thousand OFian slaves and two kittens died during its construction.”

“Poor kittens,” said Crady.

“I know, it’s a tragedy,” said Arclone. “The citizens were so incensed they rose up in revolt and Masterweaver was forced from office, despite the fact he had won over ten SGotMonths.”

“The future is truly another city.” Chinaren shook his head. “Hey! Those papers didn’t mention the results of any horse races did they?”

“Hush! Someone’s coming,” interrupted Crady.

The three shuffled up to the base of the statue, which was inscribed with ‘Lecro lives!’ in bronze inlay.

“Smileys!” Hissed Arclone.

They pressed themselves against the stone as the rulers of the ruins of IF floated by.

“Isn’t this fun?” They heard :P say.

“No it isn’t!” Replied :mad:

“It’s all very depressing,” :sadd: chimed in. “We should have sacrificed them when they first arrived. “Where did they come from anyway…”

The voices faded as the Smileys moved on.

“They’ve gone,” said Arclone, peering round the corner.

“We needn’t have hidden, we are disguised,” said Crady.

“Best to remain unseen when possible,” said Chinaren. “Now then, the Council hall should be down here. Let’s move.”

They moved off again, down into another side road filled with debris.

“I think I preferred the evil dimension to this one,” Crady said, looking around at the dead city. “At least the FIians knew how to have a good time.”

“Up there. At the end of this road we will be on a main thoroughfare,” said Chinaren. “Just walk smoothly and don’t speak.”

They straightened their disguises one more time, and stepped out into the street. Only a couple of other Smileys could be seen, floating along in the distance.

Walking in single file, they headed for the Council hall, wrapping the cloaks around them to shield the fact they had legs.

A little way up drunken singing could be heard, and :drunk: weaved erratically down the road towards them.

“Hey hey!” One of them said. “Wassup?”

“Good evening brother,” said Arclone Smiley.

“Yeah, whatever,” the Smiley was distracted as his friend fell over.

The three IFians moved quickly passed.

“Phew, well the disguises work anyway,” whispered Crady.

“For a couple of steaming drunks,” said Arclone. “Those will be something else again,” he nodded to indicate the group ahead.

“Keep moving, they have seen us,” Chinaren hissed.

“Hey you three!” :big: said. “You’re early!”

“We are eager to pay our respects,” said Chinaren Smiley.

“Hey, who are you guys?” :roll: bobbed close. “I don’t recognize you.”

“We’re from… ah, the City of OF,” said Arclone Smiley.

“We rule there too?” asked :roll:. “Cool.”

“Smileys rule brother!” Said Chinaren Smiley.

“There’s something funny here,” said :erm: joining the conversation.

“Oh come on! It’s a great night to be alive!” Exclaimed :big: “Pass brothers! Just don’t venture into the walled off area!”

“Why’s that then?” Asked Crady Smiley.

“Haha! You OFian Smileys! What jokers you are!” :big: answered. “It’s guarded of course! The place of worship is outside the main Shrine.”

“Of course,” Chinaren said, only just stopping himself from kicking Crady. “Let’s go brothers!”

“The walked smoothly into the grounds, following an overgrown path.

“We have to get into the Hall,” hissed Chinaren. “This trail is just following the outer wall.”

“There, a gap in the fence,” Crady said.

They looked about, and ducked through the gap.

“What could be guarding here?” Mused Arclone.

“It’s probably no one. Come on, let’s hurry.”

They slinked through the Council grounds as quietly as possible.

“You know,” said Crady as they made their way through the gardens, “this place is really in good condition. Look, the plants are all tended and alive.”

“They aren’t real,” said Chinaren. “Key wouldn’t pay for a gardener, despite my competitive tender.”

“Someone’s over there!” Said Arclone.

They ducked down behind a statue of Key, though it was easily big enough to hide them all, being a life size replica.

“Oh! Now I know who is guarding here,” said Chinaren. “Duck, quick!”

They all did so as :x floated by.

“Do you think it could turn you to stone?” Asked Crady.

“I’m not going to find out,” Chinaren answered. “Hurry now, the entrance is that way.”

They dashed over the grounds towards the main double doors. Arclone pushed on them. They didn’t budge. “It’s locked!” He said.

“Stand aside, I have the keys here somewhere,” said Chinaren, pulling out a large keyring from his pouch and fiddling about with the lock.

“Hurry,” said Crady. “It’s coming back.” She jumped about frantically as Chinaren fumbled about in the dark.

“Ah, this one!” He said finally, inserting the key and trying to turn it. “It’s stuck!”

“Here, let me try,” Arclone pushed him to one side and wrenched at the thing. “It’s just stiff that’s all.”

“A common problem I have,” said Chinaren.

“Get a move on!” Shouted Crady as the medusa Smiley approached, alerted by the activity.

Arclone made a desperate effort and the lock clicked. He pushed again, and the door swung open under his weight. Chinaren and Arclone fell inside.

“EEEkkk!” Screamed Crady.

Chinaren reached back and pulled at her leg, dragging her inside. Arclone slammed the door behind them.

“Crady, are you okay?” Chinaren asked, rolling her over.

“My mask slipped, I couldn’t see anything,” replied the figure. “You sound concerned Mr. Mayor, I didn’t know you cared.”

“You still owe me rent,” said Chinaren, standing up and looking around.

They discarded their masks and cloaks and crept into the Council lobby. It was eerily quiet inside.

“I thought the Smileys would be here, in the Hall,” said Crady.

“Oh no. They don’t come in here anymore. Once they did, a long time ago, but never now.”

“Look, it’s all in perfect condition!” Said Chinaren.

They crept through the dark reception area, passing portraits of long dead IFians glaring down from the walls. “Hey, that’s me up there!” Pointed Crady. “But I look older.” She leaned closer, trying to make out details in the gloom.

“Let’s not dawdle,” said Chinaren. “The Council chambers are over this way. We should look there first.”

He made his way slowly down the corridor, the other two creeping behind him.

“Did you ever find out why the Smileys don’t come here?” Asked Crady.

“I just assumed it was sacred ground,” said Arclone.

“Or they are scared of something,” said Crady.

“But what’s to be scared of? There’s nothing left alive,” replied the artist.

“Exactly,” said Crady.

The others looked around, suddenly nervous, and there was a subtle jostling for position as they tried to hide behind her.

“Why did we have to come here in the dark?” She asked. “Did you hear that?”

“Probably just a mouse or something,” said Chinaren.

“A dead mouse?”

“That’s right. Blowing in the wind.”

“Oh right, ‘cos it’s really breezy in here isn’t it?” Whispered Crady.

“Well, we have to move. We can’t huddle here all night,” said Arclone.

“Speak for yourself,” said Crady.

“Er... That painting is watching us!” Arclone said, pointing at a picture of IM. “It’s a pretty crap drawing too,” he added. “Just look at that brushwork.”

“Don’t make it mad!” Said Chinaren, waving his hands around frantically.

The painting, which was a closeup of IM and hence already fairly horrible to behold, smiled.

“Fug!” Said Chinaren, covering his eyes. “Run!”

They ran, as a hollow laugh echoed around the passage.

“I’m a Master Magician!” It exclaimed, in icy tones.

A cold wind blew around the three as they barged through the door to the main Council chamber, where they stopped dead.

‘Dead’ being the operative word.

Crady screamed.

The Council chamber was full. The chairs occupied. By the remains of IFians long since departed.

A large skeletal frame was resting at the head of the table, a mug clasped in one hand. As the three gaped, the skull slowly turned, fixing them with a chilling, empty eyed, glare. A whisper flowed through the chamber.

“Soooo Chiiiinaren, youuu have arrived at lasssst. Weeee have beeeen waitingggg for you!” The ghost of Key raised an arm and pointed a long bony finger at the Mayor. “Yooooo are laaaaaate! The penalty is…. Death!”

“Aahhhhh!” Cried Chinaren.

“And a large fable ffffine!” Added the corpse of Smee.

“NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!” Chinaren cried again, this time with feeling.

Slowly, with much clacking of bones, the council stood.

“Well,” Crady turned to Chinaren, “I think I will be going now. Have a nice meeting,” she said, and started to back away.

“Kill them! Kill them all!” Cried the ghost of Rai, whose head was missing.

“I wantttt flesshhh!” The spirit of the original Argonaut wavered above his remains, which held a pencil.

Sod this,” said Arclone. “Run!”

The three turned and ran, the ghost council in ghastly pursuit.

“Up here,” shouted Chinaren, passing through an apparition of Chiacutie. “Hey! You aren’t on the Council!” He said.

“Spamspamspam,” replied the lost soul, totally off topic as usual.

“To the Labs!” Said Chinaren.

They raced down another corridor, Arclone smashing through the corpse of Muaddib, who was babbling something about a ‘Golden Path’.

“Here!”

They entered a large room and, to their immense relief, there was the by now familiar shape of the Exorcisor machine.

Chinaren ran up to it and hit switches and dials. A low hum started, and a vortex appeared in the center.

“Chinaaaarennnn! Ohhh Chinareennnnn!” An eerie voice whispered through the room. “Come and join ussss! We need warmth, it’s ssssso coldddd herrrrrre.”

“Come on you bucket of bolts!” Chinaren hit the machine. It bleeped.

“It’s ready!” he said.

“Great!” Crady pushed him to one side and dived into the vortex. There was a dull thrumming sound, and a pop as she vanished.

“Hey! Me first!” Shouted the Mayor, desperately resetting the dials.

“Let’s go!” Said Arclone.

“Wait! It needs to recharge!”

A skull peered around the doorway. “There you arrrre!”

“Now Key, I can explain everything. You see, I was pruning the Religion thread when… Arg!!” He dived to one side as the Key skeleton raised a hand and fired a bolt of blue lighting at him. It missed and hit the machine, which started producing an urgent alarm.

“Come to usssss!” Key’s body lurched forward, followed by a smaller figure, with rotten fur hanging off.

“Hey Stoat! I thought you had left IF,” Chinaren said, backing away.

“I linger still, unseen but present,” said the twisted Stoat bones.

“Come on!” Arclone grabbed Chinaren and ran for the vortex.

“It’s not calibrated!” Shouted Chianren.

“If you want to stay here with this lot, you can if you want,” replied the clone.

Chinaren glanced at the angry spirits behind him.

“Bugger that!” He said.

“Thought so,” Said Arclone.

They jumped into the vortex…

>

CyrstalNightShade pounded on the thin divider of her tiny room, denting the Chinaren Inc. ‘Low Income housing for Newbies’ wall. “Shut up!” She shouted, to no avail. No wonder this apartment had been so cheap, despite being in the ‘Big Nobs’ district. The bloody neighbors were up around the clock it seemed, partying all hours of the night and day.

“That’s it!” Crady threw the flimsy covers of her bed back and stomped angrily over to her closet, a distance of several footsteps. She yanked at the cupboard door hard, pulling the entire thing off its hinges in her haste. She would go next door and sort this out herself…

>

Chinaren awoke, his head aching. “Oooow. I’m never going to drink again, I swear.” Then, just in case, he added: “Today.”

“You may be right there,” said Arclone, looking around.

“Oh come one! You have to be kidding!” Said China. “Where are we now???”

>>>>>>

K folks, not quite as amusing this time, but my Amusium stocks are low.

So, once more (and this will be the last time) Chinaren finds himself not where/when he wants to be. Where is he and Arclone this time?

<<<<<<

[Idea master]

Just one, small, mathematical error. It ought to be Chapter Six.

Now, where are they? It's rather obvious by this time.

They've finally shown up in one of Chickenren's old storygames. Namely, Good Versus Evil Versus Money. And even though he's stopped writing it, the story continues...

[Mastermind]

Well, as you've already used the parallel universe and the future, it's just RL and the past left. Unless someone come up with something new, that is.

Oh, and
Quote: “Best to remain unseen where possible,”
“Best to remain unseen when possible,”

Quote: “.You sound concerned Mr. Mayor, I didn’t know you cared.”
There's a little period there that's not supposed to be there.

[Argonaut]

You're forgetting one other suggestion that was made. I should still like to see them deal with the dark lords of THE :)

[Lilith]

My, my, my, China. I think you official hit the 'stupid point' in your drunken stupor this time, lol! Anyhoot, as before, I support the RL thing. Go for it!

[Idea master]

Waitwaitwait!

Quote: “Oooow. I’m never going to drink again, I swear.” Then, just in case, he added: “Today.”

“You may be right there,” said Arclone, looking around."

This sparked an idea!

What if they're in RL past, say, Prohibition time frame? That ought to really shake him up!

*Cackles evilly to himself*

[Chinaren]

I don't know why guys, but I am not a fan of the idea of them being in RL. :?

Quote: you've already used the parallel universe and the future, it's just RL and the past left

There's more than one parallel universe I am sure, and there is a lot of future too. If someone comes up with a different idea... plus Argo's idea of them being in THE or somewhere.

Thanks for the typos spots, it was late when I finished this, and I was a little drunk, so didn't go over it as well as I usually would.

Anyway, I'm sure someone will come up with something twisted. They usually do...

Oh, and I think Chapter 6 must have been lost in some kind of time-flux thingy... :-o

[Idea master]

Then just stick them in some no-alcohol version of IF. Along with no Fables. Muwhahaha.

[D-Lotus]

Hmmm...the idea of someone's storygame seems a good opportunity to ridiculize someone's storygame.

What about Lebby's FI? You could ridiculize the severity and brutality of his characters. Or maybe Battle On or No Good Deed.

Or you could make it an auction; whoever pays more gets his/her story ridiculized.

[Idea master]

Heck, just put them UP for auction.

[Argonaut]

perhaps an alternate dimension where IF and OF are switched. The people of IF are like the people of OF and vice versa. Actually I don't know what that would mean, what are the people of OF like?

Alternate dimension or not, if they're not in IF they'll need to find a new way to get home since they can't just run to the exorcisor machine :)

[Lilith]

Quote: There's more than one parallel universe I am sure,

Technically, Chinaren's right.. if you believe such things.. there is a theory out there (somewhere, I have no idea where) that every action, decision, or event that occurs will cause a million different parallel universes to be because of all the different outcomes that could have happened.... so therefore, the number of parallel universes are only limited by the amount of different outcomes...

Wow... and I thought time travel made my brain hurt..

[Mastermind]

Lilith wrote: Technically, Chinaren's right.. if you believe such things.. there is a theory out there (somewhere, I have no idea where) that every action, decision, or event that occurs will cause a million different parallel universes to be because of all the different outcomes that could have happened.... so therefore, the number of parallel universes are only limited by the amount of different outcomes...

Yes, I know that, I just thought... I don't remember what I was thinking, but it probably seemed sensible at the time.

[Idea master]

That's actually MY held belief. Thanks much.

Anyway. We can't send him somewhere where there IS no Exorcisor machine, otherwise we can't send him home in time for the Hangover. Might I suggest that wherever we send him, we send him where Evil Homer or whoever started this thing also ended up? It'd make sense. Plus, it had the added bonus of making hero and villain work together.

[Lilith]

Chinaren, a hero? *laughs and guffaws loudly* (What, you think I was just gonna leave that lay on the floor? You know you were all thinking it.. I just am the only one mouthy enough to say it!)

Anyhoot, I think that having Chinaren and Evil Homer have to work together to get back to IF is a great idea!

[Chinaren]

K, poll is up, so throw the switch of voting.

[D-Lotus]

suggestion: A parallel dimension such as another storygame.

[Crunchyfrog]

Hey, would you mind updating your topic title to reflect which chapter you're on please? I've kind of got confused and missed out... :(

[Chinaren]

Sorry Crunchy! I usually do that, missed it this time. :?

[Chinaren]

Chapter 8. An Old Acquaintance.

“I don’t know, but it’s hot.” Arclone waved a hand in front of his face.

“At least they are people here, not Smileys,” Chinaren said, standing up and looking about.

“Although they appear to be somewhat exotic,” Arclone said, pulling the hood over his face a little more.

Chinaren followed his example as he took in their surroundings. The few people walking nearby all wore long robes. Most were black, but some were conveniently gray, and hence the two IFians didn’t stand out too much. Most of the passers-by were hooded, but the ones who weren’t seemed to be dark skinned with long noses. Most were bald and all appeared to have an intense fascination with the floor. It was a wonder they didn’t walk into something.

The buildings, in direct contrast to the citizen’s robes, were a gleaming white and built in a rather strange “T” shape, meaning the upper stories overhung the streets. This in turn meant the narrower alleys were actually more like tunnels. Chinaren kicked at the ground, which appeared to be cooked earth. A small puff of dust was his only reward.

“Are we in our dimension?” Asked his future companion.

“I don’t know, but it’s probably not a good idea to walk up to a passer by and ask that directly,” Chinaren replied. He looked up and saw a sign adorning a blank wall. “Wait. Can you read that?” He pointed.

Arclone looked for a moment, then shrugged. “Looks like one of my modern art attempts on a bad day.”

“But the middle characters, if that’s what they are, don’t they look a little like… ‘Muaddib’ to you?”

The clone looked again. “Perhaps. What’s a ‘Muaddib’ anyway?”

Chinaren smiled. “Not an ‘it’, a who. An old acquaintance in fact. I saved his life in IM’s Idearium mines once, if I remember correctly.”

“I’m sure you do, being the hero you are,” Arclone replied dryly.

Chinaren ignored him. “Come on, if we can find Muddy, as he likes to be known, he can repay my favor and help us find our way home.”

“Assuming this is our dimension, and he’s the guy you know.”

“You have a distinctly pessimistic outlook, you know that?”

“Comes of having no one to talk to except Smileys and nothing to drink but tea for five years,” said Arclone.

“Ah, yes well. No sense dwelling on the past now is there? Or the future even. Whatever. Come on.”

“Where? Where are we going?” The clone waved his hands about.

“Let’s just follow the chanting hey?” Chinaren said.

“What chanting?” Arclone frowned for a moment, concentrating. “Oh, yes, I hear it now. What are they saying?”

“Some Johnny foreigner rubbish no doubt,” said Chinaren. “Hey, you didn’t manage to bring any of that tea with you by any chance?”

“No.”

“Oh. Well, I’ll have to do with the stuff I took then.”

“If I never see another cup of tea again it will be too soon,” said Arclone, as they ducked into one of the ‘tunnel’ streets. “Hey, there’s another poster with your friend’s name on it.”

Chinaren stopped and examined it. The paint was faded and he couldn’t understand the words, but there was definitely a picture of a yellowish colored road, and the name ‘Muaddib’ again.

“It’s our Muddy anyway,” he said, tapping the picture. “He was always babbling on about the ‘Golden street’ or some such.”

They carried on, passing others who were also moving in the same direction. A little further on and they could hear a bell chiming, and the sound of many people murmuring in low voices.

The alley suddenly opened up into a large square. Black robed people thronged about, all facing the center, which featured a large block of white stone. A ledge surrounding it was manned by fierce looking warriors holding long curved scimitars.

As the two IFians sidled into the square, a figure in a pure white robe climbed up on top of the dais and raised his hands high above his head.

Chinaren nudged Arclone. “It’s him. It’s Muddy, my old mate.”

“Shhh,” Arclone said back, looking about nervously as several bystanders glanced at them. Luckily Muaddib chose that moment to start speaking, and all attention returned to the middle.

“Souirolg THEsnai!” Muaddib said. “Ruo yrotciv si derussa! Het AHA snoitaredef syad era derebmun!”

The crowd cheered.

“What’s he saying?” Hissed Arclone under the cover of the noise.

“I think we’re in THE,” replied Chinaren in the same tone. “The desert city ruled by the Dark Lords. They are in constant war with the AHA Federation. Don’t you ever look in the IFki?”

Arclone shrugged. “Couldn’t be bothered. Anyway, it was a convenient way of you getting to explain where we are.” He fell silent again as Muaddib was speaking once more.

“Ecno AHA sllaf,” Muaddib continued, “ew llahs ecom no ot eht sreveilebnu ni IS, IF dna OF. Enoos ew lliw ekat ruo lufthgir ecalp sa srelur fo eht dlrow!”

The crowd burst out into cheers again, waving their hands and shouting in their heathen language.

“Come on,” said Chinaren. “Let’s go and find his office.”

Arclone nodded, and the pair began to make their way around the square as the speech continued, getting louder and more forceful as it progressed.

“Pretty enthusiastic bunch, these THEians, aren’t they?” Arclone said.

“From the little I know, they are usually only enthusiastic about killing in horrible and bloodthirsty fashion. They’ve been at war with AHA forever. Luckily the desert makes fighting hard, and they generally maintain a status quo, with one side making gains, then losing them again. It’s pretty much a stalemate.”

“And they are ruled by these ‘Dark Lords’ then? They don’t sound too friendly.”

“Oh no. They’re not. Any foreigners caught are usually staked out in the baking sun and fed to the sheep.”

“The sheep? Don’t you mean the lions or something?”

“Where would you get lions in the desert? Come on! Anyway, THE sheep have evolved somewhat,” said Chinaren. “The harsh conditions of the desert environment meant that to survive they have to be able to consume about anything. Being a shepherd in THE is considered a hero’s job. Only the strongest and bravest warriors join that clan.”

“You learn something new everyday,” murmured Arclone. “Wait, I think something is happening.”

They stopped as two guards brought forth a large gong and manhandled it up next to Muaddib, who picked up a large gong hitter thingy*.

Suddenly the whole crowd dropped to the ground, to crouch in a prone position facing the center of the square. Taken by surprise, Chinaren and Arclone remained upright, standing in a sea of black robes.

“Er…” Said Chinaren.

“Sredurtni!” Shouted Muaddib, pointing with the gong hitter. “Llik meht!”

The guards on the podium, expert shepherds all no doubt, shouted and ran forward, treading on the still prone crowd with scant regard for human rights and laundry.

“Oh, this isn’t good,” Arclone said. “Run!”

“No, I’m sure Muaddib will help us,” said Chinaren, but he looked uncertain.

The guards screamed and advanced, waving sharp implements about.

Arclone bit his nails. “Are you sure?” He asked. “I don’t want to be fed to the sheep.”

“Well…”

*Whatever that is called.


>>>>>>

A short chapter then fellow IFians.

What should they do now? Run? Throw themselves upon the mercy of Muddy? Something else? Let’s hear your suggestions please!

<<<<<<

[Crunchyfrog]

gnipyt sdrawkcab si gnihctac no! Retsamaedi si desruc htiw sdrawkcab kaeps ni eht revognah.

i yas yeht dluohs yrt gniklat ot yddum ni sih nwo egaugnal.

Dna llet mih sih rettih si a retaeb. :P

[Lilith]

NMAD TI! I YLLAER ETAH GNIPYT SDRAWKCAB! TOOHYNA, NUR,NUR, NUR! :cool: