City of IF

[dinranwen]

What you need Fates, is what we in If call a poll.

To post a poll with all your options in one nice little area that people can vote on, follow the following steps:

Go to your first post on this thread. Click the Edit Poll.

Go to the bottom of the edit screen, there should be a poll Question followed by Poll Options square near the bottom of the screen.

Post poll question.

Below the question, post one option, hit submit (or update, or whatever botton is next to the poll option to the equilvant of submit).

This will cause another blank poll option to appear.

Repeat by filling out as many options as you need for a poll.

When completled, hit the Sumbit botton on the bottom of the screen below the Poll Editing Area.

You can also put in how many days you want the poll to run, or leave the days empty and have it run forever or until you delete it, whichever comes first.

Poll's make things more official shall we say, not to mention easier for everyone concerned.

[Player of Fates]

lol, it's cool Din. I know how to do it. But thanks though! :D

I was waiting for more suggestions just in case but look's like these will do it. The poll shall be up soon!

EDIT:

Ze poll iz up-iz!

[Kalanna Rai]

Voted...

[The White Blacksmith]

I'm shocked and disturbed to learn that two of you voted for the second option.

EDIT: Oh, and the name of the poll is wrong. You've put "Who are Whitey's captors"

[Player of Fates]

Eh, well, you know what I meant. :p

[The Meaning Of Fear]

:x Which 2 of you scoundrels voted for the 2nd option!?!?

I'll have your heads...

At least the first option is winning... *Wipes forehead* Why do you people think Whitey even wants to have a "special" night with me? Even if I am astonishingly handsome*...



*You don't believe me? Why?

[Kalanna Rai]

Feel lucky Meanie...I almost voted for option 2. If I had, it would be 2-3 not 3-2...

[Chinaren]

Well, options one and two could be merged quite easily. :D

[The Meaning Of Fear]

Cren... I am starting an IF story, and you will have an extremely painful, and amazingly gorey death :lol: ... unless you pay me... ;)

[Kalanna Rai]

Oh...now those options are tied...

[Player of Fates]

I hope ya'll don't expect like an erotic sexy scene between the two...cause I'm not good at writing that type of stuff. The closest thing you'd have to sex is well, Whitey pulling out some black and kinky looking handcuffs and Fear's eyes widening....

[Player of Fates]

Oh COME ON, somone please just vote and break the tie!*

*Which means voting for either one or two. I would like to avoid being hunted down by Whitey, so Um...try to go for numba 1. :)

[Kalanna Rai]

Couldn't you just combine the two ideas? Save yourself a lot of time and effort...

[Player of Fates]

....I don't know....torturing and loving....uh....wouldn't couldn't that be....weird....I suppose I could do somthing like that without sounding like a major perv.

[Kalanna Rai]

They say love is hell... ;)

[Player of Fates]

Alright, sorry Whitey, please don't destroy my hat, I don't have many spares :( I'll make you as lovely as possible. :D Fear...this is payback for desecrating my hat in CHAT you slimy little thing!

[Chinaren]

I have a writing service that you can avail yourself of, if you need help with that scene. I should be up to doing something along those lines.

:lol:

Click the pic!
[url=http://www.cityofif.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3761][/url]








.

[Crunchyfrog]

:shock: The mind boggles....


:lol:

[The Meaning Of Fear]

Player of Fates wrote: Alright, sorry Whitey, please don't destroy my hat, I don't have many spares :( I'll make you as lovely as possible. :D Fear...this is payback for desecrating my hat in CHAT you slimy little thing!

I did that to your hat because of the poll option you put in... And I do it again now because of your decision to use it...
:-x
*Grabs Plates's hat and throws it into the abyss* :lol:

Quote: have a writing service that you can avail yourself of, if you need help with that scene. I should be up to doing something along those lines.

:-o

At least I know Meph isn't writing it... What a relief!

One question: How is the second option and the first option... and their combinations, come to think of it... going to advance the plot?

[Player of Fates]

I'll think of something...

[Chinaren]

Crunchyfrog wrote: :shock: The mind boggles....


:lol:

Did you ever read my Greed story? It's a bit rough around the edges writing wise, but there's some heavy scenes in it. Good practice for this.

Key as a Magical Chamber pot? Check. Smee as a giant green pregnant slug? Check. Lord of the Night as a Dark demon getting it on with... Well just read it and see.

It's all there... ;) Overall winner of the 2006 IFYs.

[/restrospective advertising]

Anyway, Plates has hired me for this scene (and it's only the 'romance' scene) so I will be helping him out with this one.

:shock:

[Kalanna Rai]

*laughs darkly* This should prove interesting...

[The White Blacksmith]

Evil. Evil Evil EVIL.

[Player of Fates]

Hey hey, at least it won't be horribly written, right guys? :)

Ok, I'm getting started on the next chapter's other more plot revolving scenes (the the romance scene does have something to do with the plot) and then I have to start writing for Heavy Metal's First DP chapter.

Busy day!

[Lilith]

Tsk, tsk... had you waited a bit longer.. I could have broken the tie... ah, well... now I will sit back and await the next chappy

[The Meaning Of Fear]

:-x Oooh man. You are gonna get it... you, AND your hat... :-x

:-x *Gets out chainsaw* :-x

You too, Cren. Better keep your fables in a safe place. :x

[LordoftheNight]

Quote: Lord of the Night as a Dark demon getting it on with... Well just read it and see.

Wait a minute - I don't remember that bit. That's a filthy...no. Hang on. It's coming back to me now.

How did I forget about that?

[Crossfire]

I personally go for the second option, just to be cruel. I strongly suggest that you draw upon the scene that Phang wrote a year or two ago involving the large, black dog and the frantically struggling woman with all four limbs tied to a wall (I forget if they were actually attached to her body, but there you go), just to be unpleasant. ;)

<I still haven't forgotten what you did to my (my) beauteous TMOF's Massive Melee Thingy, The Meaning of Fear. Prepare to have your name gain a tinge of dramatic irony, as I show you, with the help of a kindly intervention from the Fates, what it truly means. *laughs grimly as dark fires leap up within the grey mists shrouding its ephemeral form, dark fires that show within their endless depths scenes of horror and destructions as a yet-unformed dream is destroyed so cruelly by the reality-warping magics of the Moderator's Sigil*>

:-D

[Phang]

I'm reading this now. Wa-hey!

I like this a lot. It's pretty good, and it's brought up the subject of Greed.

And if you want anything truly demented for any chapter, I can go get Ralph. If you'll put me in the story. ;)

[The White Blacksmith]

I have an idea! Why don't we get Lilith's vote! She's voting for the first option. I had a premonition.

[Player of Fates]

Don't worry Phang, a lot of people are gonna appear in this one. Including Lilith, you, BS, Crossfire, Meph, Harley, Zephyr, Din etc. Everyone will hopefully have a cool role or a funny one at least.

I'm kinda behind on Heavy Metal, the chapter was supposed to be posted today but I wasn't able to get online and I haven't finsihed the first chapter yet.

Kinda starting on IFs Third Chapter but things aren't going so well since I'm trying to find out a cool way into introducing the Skyla and some dragons while finding a funny way to summon Aithel. :oops:

[Player of Fates]

Here it is!
__________

WARNING: ADULT (YET COMICAL) SITUATIONS

IF
CHAPTER THREE-ONE WEIRD DAY


The sand erupted like an angry volcano. Huge glistening forms shot from the sandy depths at eye blurring speeds. They were scorpions, or at least taking the form of them.



Their hides glistened with an iron like quality and their pincer edges were lined with spines that dripped venom to the golden brown grains below, making the sand hiss at contact.

The long tails were tipped with absurdly large stingers that dribbled green liquid. It ran down their smooth armor.

The tribe of Asaba stared at the crouching demons with a mixture of awe and fear. Somewhere in the middle of the still group, there was a sound of dripping as someone pissed in their loincloth.

A young child said a word that would have earned him a sharp slap by his mother.

Then, the scorpions leaped, their long steel legs propelling them forward into the warriors. Screams tore through the evenning sky as man, woman and child alike were torn limb from limb, allowing their blood to paint the sand in abstract patterns.

The largest of the demon scorpions scrabbled to the top of the tallest dune to overlook the massacre.

His large eyes viewed the chaos with perverse pleasure. It was beginning. He clicked softly with his mandibles at this thought and looked beyond, past the rolling desert hills and into the bright green forests and valleys.

There was so much food to be taken and eaten. It was fortunate that he could never be fully satisfied.

His stinger suddenly shot downwards and behind him and a gurgled gasp came afterward. The tail lifted upwards, hoisting the spasming body of a sneaking tribe warrior with the stinger piercing his stomach and coming out his back.

Today was a good day.
__________


[/url]





“Who… who are you?” The Meaning of Fear pulled once again on his chains, to no effect.

“Oh, I’ve been watching you for a very long time,” said the voice. A female one Meany realized.

“You have? Listen, the toenails are just an experiment. Someone dared me…”

“Oh hush Sugar buns.”

‘Sugarbuns?’ Meany swallowed nervously. “Listen, I think you may have the wrong person. And I have a dentist’s appointment in the morning…”

“I said hush!” There was a crack, and something flicked his left ear.

“Right, right. Hushing right up.” He squinted at the figure.

“Oh, did I hurt you?” The shape moved closer, and Meany gulped. A female torso, clad in tight white leather approached him. Long pale hair hung about her face, the top half of which was covered with a plain mask.

The woman bent over and stroked his forehead. She licked her lips, which were covered in sparkling white lip gloss, and slowly leaned forward, in the process allowing Meany to get a full view of her large, heavy bosoms, barely restrained in a low top.

“Whuuu…” said Meany meaningfully, thoughts of flight temporarily derailed by the view.

“Do you like my bobos?” she asked, rubbing them against him.

“Bobos?” Meany’s mind was now thoroughly confused, and the bobo situation wasn’t making thinking any easier.

“You want them don’t you?”

“Yes! Bobos. Meany wants bobos!” declared Meany, getting into the spirit of the thing.

The figure stood up suddenly and slapped him around the face. “Bad Meany! Bad boy! You’ve been a bad boy!”

“Whaaa?”

“I can see you aren’t ready to accept responsibility for your actions yet,” said the White haired female. “It’s time for your punishment!”

“No!” cried Meany. “I didn’t mean it!”

“You didn’t?”

“No? I mean yes!” Meany was out of his depth and floundering badly.

“I see. It’s the first step to recovery, accepting you want your punishment, good bad boy!” She pulled forth a long coiled shape and unwound it.

“Oh mummy,” Meany whimpered, as he saw the whip.

“Mummy’s here,” said Whitey. She pressed a button and a hidden mechanism pulled Meany straight and swung him around. “Now mummy’s going to make this bad boy sorry!”

“Please!” said Meany, who was already very sorry. “Please…”

“That’s it,” cackled Whitey. “Beg for your punishment!” She cracked the whip.

“I mean… Yooowww!”

“You’ve…” Thwack! “Been…” Thwack! “A bad…”Thwack! “Boy!” THWACK! Whitey grunted between swings of the lash.

“Owowowowowow!” said Meany, with feeling.

The strokes stopped, and Whitey leaned over his shoulder, hands roaming over his abused body. “Are you sorry now?” she whispered.

“Oh yes!” blubbed Meany sincerely.

“Are you a happy boy?”

“Happy?” Meany searched for a clue that would give him a hint as to the right answer. Finding none he took a guess. “Er…no?”

“Good boy,” said Whitey, fondling an area lower than his belly, and giving Meany some slight new hopes the pain might be over. “In that case, we need the Happy Maker!”

“The Happy Maker?” Meany dared to hope.

Whitey suddenly squeezed hard, eliciting a yelp, and leaned back to push another button. “Oh yes, the Happy Maker,” she said gleefully.

Meany was dragged a little way forward by his chains, until he bumped into what appeared to be a table at waist height. The manacles attached to his wrists pulled him forward still though, so he ended up bent over. “Oh oh,” he said.

“Don’t be scared my little Mean one,” said Whitey as she walked around in front of him. “My Happy Maker will rectum… I mean rectify the situation, at least for a little while.” She waved an enormous sausage shaped implement at him. It was black with ridges and protrusions.

“But I’m not sick!” protested Meany, his eyes wide as she stroked the huge phallus. “At least not yet.” He desperately tried to summon forth a spell, but whatever she had given him was still potent, and he couldn’t bring forth the magic.

Whitey moved behind him again and lifted his robes, spanking his behind lightly as she did so.

“Now, open wide,” she said.

In the City, several citizens stopped and paused as a strange howl echoed around the sky.

__________

Aithel sat cross-legged on his hissing apartment floor while he scratched behind his spotted ear. He looked over at the pacing daemon and sighed.

"When will your followers be ready? I'm eager to finally be outside. I haven't walked the mortal plane in ages."

Lordy grunted and checked his Rolex watch, it strained to wrap around his wrist and some of the reinforced steel binding were coming loose.

"They should have set up the summoning pentagram soon. Why do you have so many symbols?"

Aithel grinned, showing off his cat like fangs. "Trade secret."

"Whatever. Th-oh..."

"What?"

"The first wave has arrived," hissed Lordy as he clenched his mountain like hands into a iron hard fist. "The Skyla."

"Please, they're mere fodder."

"No...These are different." Lordy tapped his chin and then his eyes suddenly flashed red. "Your circle is ready."

"Finally." Aithel laughed, a tinge of excitement in his snarling voice. "I thank you sir."

"As long as you do your part. I'll have to talk to Key about this though..."

"That reminds me!" Athel pounced on a box of items and rifled through them. He finally pulled out a rather worn looking camera. He checked for film and smiled. "Pictures!"

Lordy groaned and mumbled something about Key not being able to fit in the frame. He closed his eyes and snapped his fingers as Aithel's jaguar tail twitched in expectation.

A flashing circle appeared in the middle of the room.

"Step inside please."

__________

[url=http://www.cityofif.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3761]





Meany shifted gingerly on the hard chair, shivering slightly.

“Are you cold my dear little Meany?” came Whitey’s voice.

Meany shuddered. He was naked, his rear hurt, and he was frustrated with his inability to conjure a spell. The ‘Happy Maker’ had obviously not worked. He said as much to Whitey.

“Oh, it wasn’t to make you happy silly!” Whitey strode into the room. She was wearing a different leather outfit, even tighter and skimpier, if that was possible. “Now, are we ready for round two?”

Meany eyed her lack of outfit warily. “That all depends. Does it involve heavy bobo action?” he asked.

Whitey stepped forward, her long boots clicking on the floor. She cracked a whip. “Bobos and more.” So saying she pulled a string and the leather corset flew apart, causing Meany’s mouth to drop open.

Whitey approached his chair, slowly sat astride him and thrust his face into her ample bosoms.

“Is that better Honey Drop?” she asked.

“Mmmffff,” said Honey Drop, who was suffocating, but happily.

“I can see things are to your liking,” said Whitey, gyrating on his lap. “Perhaps it’s time for a reward. You’ve been a good boy.”

She slid off his lap and headed south.

“Oooohh! Now that’s magic,” said Meany.

__________

Fat Joe and Retarded Larry slipped inside the warehouse with the human skin candles. It was difficult to slide through the open door with Fat Joe's enormously fat ass resisting to go through.

Retarded Larry mumbled something intelligible and lit a match. He pressed the flickering tip to Joe's rear and the rather large man screamed and shot forward inside the warehouse.

After much arguing, they slipped further inside and found their way through the darkness by the means of a dying lighter. Fat Joe's squinty eyes soon spotted some light coming from the end of the warehouse inside an abandoned air flier.

"They be inside there, Larry," whispered Joe, not knowing why he was even whispering.

"WHA?" Larry didn't seem to know either. He shook his misshapen head and stumbled towards the air flier, dragging his left foot as his did so. Fat Joe waddled after him.

"Wait up, stuid! This place still scares me. Why did we even move here?"

They passed a small room that used to be an office. The wall surrounding it was flaked with bullet holes and brown smears, the signs that this crumbled old warehouse had used to be a mighty military base.

Fat Joe paused and frowned at the dim light that emanated from the room, revealed by a crack in the door. "Larry, hold up real quick."

Larry paused, frowned and stopped, waiting for Fat Joe to get done with his observation. Fat Joe pressed his ear to the door. His eyes widened as he heard Meany screeching a high-pitched cry full of pleasure.

He stumbled backwards and grabbed Larry by the scruff of the neck. "There's someone dying in there! We better go!"

The strange duo quickly hurried towards the air flier and sped up the walkway, relaxing at the slow chanting of their brothers inside.

Wait, slow chanting?

Fat Joe peered inside to see all six of his misshapen brothers sitting cross-legged in a rough circle while chanting strange foreign words.

Yoga maybe? Larry mumbled something and tapped the nearest relative on the shoulder.

The brother proclaimed retard stiffened and his eyes became glazed. Suddenly, with smooth motions he walked around the circle and found an empty slot. He settled down, crossed his legs, and began chanting with the group as if he had been doing it for hundreds of years.

"Wha? Larry? I thought your leg was all twisted." The large man huffed and scratched his hindquarters. "This is weird. Maybe it's one of those relaxation technique thingies."

He was about to join the circle when all the chanting stopped. The small light flickered above then went out completely. Fat Joe stiffened and took one step out of the flier.

Something was wrong here. A chilling cold suddenly swept inside the crowded air flier. It crept up Joe's bloated spine and filled him with dread.

Suddenly, in the deep darkness that rested inside the flier, there was a horrible rending sound. Fat Joe's eyes bulged at the sound.

His small eyes witnessed a gruesome sight as one of his brother's bodies reared upwards, his chest heaving and facing the ceiling. Something exploded out of his torso, sending bits of rib bones and organs flying everywhere to splatter on the rusty metal walls and a stock still Joe.

A truly grotesque outlined image slipped from the crumpling corpse and hissed. Joe could only see its outline because of the darkness, but even the dim side profile made him want to retch and throw up everywhere.

The same thing happened in a string of bloody explosions as creatures from the darkest abyss pulled themselves out of the twitching bodies of Joe's brothers.

"Oh dear Lord Shamah," prayed Joe.

The strange twisted creatures stiffened and the biggest one looked straight at him. "You pray to the wrong god."

Meanwhile, back in the office, Fear lifted himself off Whitey and frowned.

"Did you hear something?"

Whitey blinked, wiped her mouth, and pulled him towards her waiting bosom. "What? No, I heard nothing. Let me show you a trick I learned back in band camp."

Grunting, Fear pushed himself upwards again, sucking in gulps of air. "No, no. I heard screaming. Didn't you here screaming?"

Whitey sighed and ran her slim hands through a white lock of hair. "Look, if you keep doing this, I'm going to bring out Happy Maker."

Fear's eyes bulged and began groping quickly.

"Mmmmm. That's better."

__________

Aithel took in a deep breath of mortal plane air and then started gagging. "What's with all the pollution? The abyss is better than here?" Aithel wrinkled his ultra sensitive nose and his whiskers twitched.

"We're in the sewers," stated Lordy, staring with apprehension at a suspicious looking brown lump floating by him.

"Oh," grunted Aithel. He narrowed his eyes and blinked. He was on the topside now. Several citizens stopped to stare at his nine feet jaguar form then continued to walk on. They had seen stranger.

The demon was about to grab and eat a meaty looking shop keeper out on his break when Lordy appeared at his side, wiping his expensive shoes on the smooth flagstones of City Central.

"Try not to attract too much attention to yourself," the daemon said. He glared at passing priest who gave him a squinting glance before carrying on.

A hot dog stand exploded, sending the owner and several customers flying into the clear air. A very naked man jumped out of the smoke, his gems dangling obscenely as he waved a large stick.

"VI VA LA REVOLUTION!"

Three burly looking guards tackled him to the floor, making him scream as his gems scraped against the gritty ground. Aithel raised an eyebrow at Lordy who was filming the whole thing.

Lordy noticed his scrutiny and quickly shut the camera off. "For Ftube..."

"Right...Can I meet Key before we do anything?"

"Of course. He's probably at the Palace. Let's go."

The daemon suddenly sprouted leathery wings in a puff of black smoke. They flapped once, twice then lifted his light frame off the ground. Aithel stared a few more seconds at the yelping nudist being handcuffed by the men before sprouting his own wings.

They seemed to be made out of feathers and fur with claws tipping the joint end. They flapped once, twice and lifted him up after the flying daemon, tossing him into the sky at breathtaking speed.

---------------------
<DP>
What happens to the demon duo as they fly off to meet Key and what happens to the currently busy Whitey and Fear?
---------------------

Alright guys, hope you all enjoyed the chapter and a special thanks to Chinaren for writing things that I have strong morals against...ok, I don't but I'm not good at writing stuff that funny and weird. :shock: Thanks Chin!

Alright, think of some options guys!

[Player of Fates]

Sorry fo9r the double post but I'm gonna add this.

CHAPTER APPEARENCES IN CH4

Lilith (as the tempting temptress of ninjatude)
Sasuke (the half dragon of shinobi ninja techniques...thingie)
Chinaren (again)
Phang (as herself)
Ralph (as...well...Can someone please explain to me who the heck Ralph is?)
Smudger (as the main henchman)

I know, I know. Harley and Crunchy and the rest didn't appear last time but I'm going to use thier characters later. Crunchy is going to be kinda angry at her role but hey, everyone's gotta have savage sacrafices right?

I'm a little nervous about Harley since I don't want to mix in her story too much without altering her plans so I'll have to think on it. And a bunch of others will be used too.

It'd be really cool if I could fit everyone in a good important if slightly embaressing roles in the story.

[Chinaren]

Ha! Good chapter!

The Demons will not doubt get distracted over a trivial matter and argue.

Whitey will exhaust Meany and then brainwash him. :lol:

[LordoftheNight]

I don't know China - he seems to be enjoying himself. I think they'll carry on with their games until interupted.

[Player of Fates]

Heh heh, this will be interesting options. Use every ounce of imaginations. Evil flying pigeons that attack demons are very welcome.

*ahem* Just to let everyone know, I was not going to dress up SASUKE like he was dressed in chat (by Rai by the way :D )! The idea was to give him some big diapers and pink gay looking bow...Thank You.

[Kalanna Rai]

*cracks knuckles* Do that and I'll have to hurt you. Nobody picks on my asistant but me...

[dinranwen]

*smiles at Rai* Touchy....*and then looks at Fates* But true...I wouldn't mess with her if I was you, she has a nasty temper sometimes. And if you get eaten or killed in the middle of the night, Don't say we didn't warn you.

Okay, I read this chapter after very carefully naviagating anything Chinaren wrote, so I'm being naive just deal with okay?!?

Hmmm...I have to agree with Chinaren. Afterall what fun would it be if the demons succesively get to where they are going, although I have a sneakign suspicision that any scene involving Key would be hilariously funny *snickers and blushes*.

Let's see which district are the demons in, around, under, or over? Did you say? I'm not sure, but I could have missed it.

Well, the possible distractions for each district respectively:

Muabbib's District: Some *coughs politely* Offers they can't possibly refuse

New StoryGames District: They get mobbed by newbies.

Open Forum: They get mobbed by tourist or hunted by Kalanna Rai

Fantasy Forest: Well, they can either meet Lily, the mod of the district, or get into an fantastical (and funny) acciedent by a magical mishap.

Jester Park: They can be creamed, joked, get sprayed with soda water, or be over swarmed by the clowns of the distrect. Or they could get captured by the Lab Rats *horrible creatures*.

Games District: They can get sucked into a rpg game

Sci-fi: They can wander into Lebrenth, the mod of that are or...get attacked by zoombies, spaceships, or probbed by aliens.

And oh, and Ralph is one of Phang's many personalities. Don't ask, no one really understands, but Phang is Ralph and Ralph is Phang while they are both two completly different people with two completly different personalities.

As for the second part *blushes and coughs furiously* I'll leave it in the others hands to discuss more delicate matters that make me turn bright red.

[Crunchyfrog]

Plates wrote: Crunchy is going to be kinda angry at her role but hey, everyone's gotta have savage sacrafices right?

Heh, my online persona has already been depicted in various writings as a six foot golden belching frog, a buxom barmaid that uncontrollably changes gender at the most embarrassing moments, a drunken nutcase and a cowardly newbie... :D

Unlike most here, I have few restrictions about the character Crunchyfrog. He/she/it can be whatever you want it to be, and look like however you want it to look like, with any personality you want. :-o

As for the DP - I go for the arguing idea, but would like to develop it into that Aithel and Lordy are arguing so much they fly smack into a large metal blimp, that happens to be hanging around in the air above IF for no particular reason. Or maybe you can work the blimp into the plot later. :-D

[The White Blacksmith]

You are dead. You are so, so going to die, C'ren.