City of IF

Mephistopheles · Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2007 1:59 am Post subject: Chapter three

This chappy rated pg13 by the messy rating system

“Well, I shall answer your second question first. I am one who may be willing to help you with avenging your friends death. It would take a bit of effort on your part, but, eh, who knows? It might be worth it. If God could resurrect His own son, who was much more complex than a bunny, surely He could resurrect Doomedisi, wouldn’t you think?”

“Well, yeah, that sounds like it makes sense. Er, what is resurrect?” Thumper was staring at the newcomer, because, well, his fur was so sleek and shiny, his voice so smooth and oily. His demeanor suggested that he could sell a million bibles in hell. Thumper was awestruck by his powerful appearance and manner.

“Why would I want a million bibles at home? And to resurrect is to bring back to life, Thumper. Now, what would you give to see Doomedisi……what are you doing, Layla?” Layla was hopping around, rubbing her bunny thighs and trying to behave as if she were horny as hell, which, in fact, she was.

“I want to do it with you, uh, who ever you are.” She was utterly overcome with a lust such as Thumper had never inspired.

“Well, Thumper, can I borrow your bunny for a minute?”

“Er, sure why not, half the family has had a go. Help yourself. I’ll just wait here.”

“Nah, go find something to eat, Thumper, this may take a while.” There was a big cheesy grin on the newcomers face. Thumper began to protest that it couldn’t take that long, no one ever lasted longer than he did with Layla. The newcomers eye lashes raised slightly, and Thumper was overcome with hunger.

“Er, yeah, food sound good. Me be back when you finish.” Thumper turned and hopped away. The enchanting bunny turned to Layla. She looked over her bunny shoulder, eyes heavy with desire. “Ah, this will be so much fun!”

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“Don’t you think that you should check on Thumper and see what he is up to Father?” Mother was worried about the bunny still, though God was still insisting that he was a stupid bunny, and there was no reason to get concerned. He went off and made rain two more times. “Come, now Father. Be a good lord and check on him. My headache may go away if you do this for me.” She got a little closer, put her arm on God’s shoulder. “Please? Just one quick looksy. Besides, you need to stop making rain. You’ve flooded half of Texas.”

“Oh, okay. We can take a quick look at the stupid bunny. You will see that he his back to his normal, bunny self, probably screwing that over needy Layla, and then we can go make thunder. Will that make you feel better?” God was already beginning to get aroused again. He wanted to make this quick and then take a few weeks with His wife. Make Her wish that she never got another head ache again.

God reached down and hit the focus button on his Lazy-boy. There was Thumper, eating away at some grasses next to what the bunnies called the little water. “There, feel better now love?”

“Oh, I guess. Why isn’t Layla rubbing herself all over him though? Where is she?” There was merely a trace of concern there. God was in a hurry, and very horny. There was no need to find Layla, He just needed to find something to say to ease Mother’s fears, and now. Got to get to the good stuff sooner.

“Well, you know how the little tramp is, she probably got tired of Thumper taking so long, and she went off to find a faster bunny.” Speaking of taking too long, you are going to regret this ten-year headache Mother. God smiled at his wife. “Happy now?”

“I guess. But i still have a headache. Maybe another time, okay?" She patted his cheek and then went to the kitchen and started cooking. God just stood there dumbfounded, wondering how long He would have to put up with this. He went to his globe, moved his hands over it, and watched as two lions got it on. Least someone, somewhere is getting some action He thought. God watched them long after they finished, wondering where he went wrong in choosing his wife.

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Thumper was full. He had eaten way too much for his tiny bunny belly. He ran around in circles, dropping little rabbit turds all over the place. Finally he felt emptier. Where was Layla? What was she doing? His little bunny balls were beginning to ache. He hadn’t emptied himself in a while. Had he ever gone thirty minutes without? He didn’t think so. Not since he was three months old, anyways. He hopped over to Shelldo and started going to town. Thirty seconds later, right on the button, he was finished, feeling much better. “Thanks for holding still Shelldo. That always makes it easier.”

“Anytime Thumper. Just do me a favor? Aim better next time, kay?” She hopped away slowly. Thumper was thinking about what she meant by ‘aim better’, when he got the urge to find Layla again. She never complained about his ‘aim’. As he hopped back to where he had left her and that stranger, he got to wondering. How come Layla never had baby bunnies? Was there something wrong with her? Oh, well, he wasn’t gonna complain. He already had sixty kids. That was enough, wasn’t it?

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“Oh, yeah, oh yeah, you are so great Bdevil!” Laylas little voice filled the woods for ten feet. Thumper hopped up quietly. He watched in wonder as Bdevil sped up, faster and faster. Finally he stopped, frozen. Layla went all rigid. The two just sat there like that for a whole minute. Thumper was just getting ready to ask if they were done, when Layla collapsed, and Bdevil grinned.

“Wow, she is a good ‘un Thumper! Thanks for letting me use her, mate.” Bdevil suddenly had a smoke in his mouth, which he lit with his paw. Layla was gazing at him with glazed over, love struck eyes, a silly grin on her face. “Thanks doll.” Bdevil said. He turned back to Thumper, smoke pouring out of his mouth.

“So Thumper, think about what you were willing to give up to get even with God?”

“Er, why would I want to do that?” Thumper was finding it hard to think. Was it Bdevil’s prowess that had his mind clouded? He didn’t know. “How many times did you go with her? What does Doomedisi have to do with you being here?”

Bdevil shook his head. “Thumper, your first question is entirely irrelevant. If you must know, we went once. She is spent now. However, if you really need some….no, no time for that. Not now anyways. You remember seeing Doomedisi dying, right?”

“Er, sort of. He got squished didn’t he?” Thumper had the vaguest remembrance of this. He seemed to recall a steel fork going through Doomedisi, and then dragging him through the ground. There was something else, too, wasn’t there? He thought harder.

Bdevil was growing impatient. Come on, stupid bunny! Remember! Bdevil twitched his nose, and suddenly Thumper’s eyes lit up.

“God watched him die, along with His wife! God caused it to happen, didn’t he! But why Bdevil? Why would God do that?”

“Because God is like a child Thumper. He acts on whim and does what He can for amusement. Is that a good enough reason for you?” Bdevil was getting close to having his chance with Thumper. The next words would make it or break it for him.

“No! How many of us will He kill just for fun?” Perfect thought Bdevil.

“Do you want to do something about it, Thumper? Save everyone from a similar fate? If so, remember all that has happened, even if you have to think about it the whole time that you are eating, screwing and sleeping. I will return in two weeks, and then, you must tell me what you will give me for helping you. Do you understand that Thumper?”

“Yep,. Remember to screw, eat and sleep. Gotcha!”

“No, damn it Thumper! Remember Doomedisi and what happened!” Bdevil was growing irritable. How could he have gotten his chance to invade heaven with this sorry excuse of a bunny? God was cruel, he decided. Immature, but cruel also.

“Oh, yeah, right. Doomedisi and God and his Wife laughing. Remember that when I am eating and sleeping and screwing. Okay, Bdevil. Can I ask one more question?” Thumper wasn’t sure why he wanted to ask this question, he just knew that he did. “Do you find me sexy?”

Bdevil chuckled to himself. “Not today, Thumper. Not today. But who knows what tomorrow brings, right? Now remember everything.” Bdevil twitched his nose again. He was sure that Thumper would remember for the requisite two weeks time now. That was good. “Okay Thumper, I got to return home. The missus may be getting ready to entertain herself, and I want to be there to watch. See you in two weeks.”

Bdevil hopped away, but faster than Thumper had ever seen a rabbit hop. Was that normal? Thumper decided that it didn’t matter. Layla was looking normal again, and that was important! “Hey big guy! Care to see some things that I learned from Bdevil?”

“Sure, Layla!” Thumper thought about Doomedisi the whole time, and learned something that Bdevil and God already knew: If you want to make it last, think of something unpleasant. For the first time ever, Thumper hit two minutes. Afterwards, Layla looked at him. ”Damn Thumper, that sucked!” She hopped off and was never seen again by Thumper, although rumor had it that she was seen with a herd of wolves a few days later, but that is another tale.

Okay, so what does Thumper offer to Bdevil? Any other thoughts? Set 'em out for me to know.

Crunchyfrog · Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 2315

Meph, words fail me!

:laf: :lol: :rofl: :lol: :laf:

Anyways, for the DP - what will stupid Thumper give to Bdevil for helping him?

Hmmm.... He's already given up his best doe, it seems! Perhaps the ultimate sacrifice for any bunny - castration.

:shock:

(btw, there seems to be a bit of a problem with italics in your chapter, and some formatting is needed too (new line for each new person speaking is one example) you may need to just go through it again and check it over.) ;)

Cyberworm · Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2007 11:54 am Post subject:

F5 CF!
:rofl: :lol: :D :lol: :rofl:

Well CF, seems like you got ahead of me with castration... good thinking there!

I thought about him never getting an erection again, which would be even more painful for him.

It's harder for you when you have a tool you can't use than when you don't have a tool at all, you know!

:rofl:

(I just made that up, don't you get any ideas ;) )

Lilith · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1099

rofl! I couldn't breathe after about halfway through it I was laughing so hard! :)

I am gonna say, hmmm, give up his bunny way of life and become an earthworm.. they're hermaphrodites. ehehee!

Oh, and god could have a worm-phobia... hehehee.. that would be funny.

DELETED · Guest

DELETED

Guest · Guest

I'm speechless. Couldn't stop laughing. I'll go and think about the dp.

Cyberworm · Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2007 2:38 pm Post subject:

HEY! Worms are hermaphrodites but don't think that's the case with every worm in here!

*points to himself, anime style*

:mad:

NeverNeverGirl · Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2007 10:50 pm Post subject:

hmmm good job messy.

what do i think? he should sacrifice his bunny-manity (like humanity except for bunnies) and be forced to become a married middle aged human white male the most undersexed, underpriviliged and bored species out there.

to go from sex every 30 mintues to sex every 30 weeks would be punishment - plus those opposable thumbs may come in handy.....

Lebrenth · Guest Joined: 29 Dec 2005 Posts: 672 Location: Auburn, WA

How about something Bdevil could use? Sure, it's a sacrifice to lose his balls, but how does it help Bdevil? How about he agrees to make demon spawn out of all his children? All of the bunnies he makes from that point on would be little Bdevils, ready to serve the dark lord. Soon they would have army big enough to make a giant tower of sleek furred demon bunnies to reach Heaven and start a war!

Or something like that.

The White Blacksmith · Guest Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2473

Oh, I F5 you Lebby.

But maybe Bdevil needs nothing from him. After all, if he suceeds he'll be running Heaven, and if he fails... Thumper needs not worry. No, I suggest life-long servitude if he suceeds.

D-Lotus · Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2007 6:04 pm Post subject:

How about his stash of carrots?

Honestly, though, we don't know enough about Thumper and what he can sacrifice, except his own life. Or... Grumpy's life, which isn't really his, but whatever. :-D

also, a mistake in chapter 2:

Quote: drug

I don't think this verb tense exists. It should be dragged.

Lebrenth · Guest Joined: 29 Dec 2005 Posts: 672 Location: Auburn, WA

D-Lotus wrote:
also, a mistake in chapter 2:

Quote: drug

I don't think this verb tense exists. It should be dragged.

I found this:

"drug^2:
–verb Chiefly Midland and Southern U.S. Nonstandard.
a pt. and pp. of drag."

But like it says, it's nonstandard (in other words, people will know what you mean, but scholars won't accept it). I didn't know this. I'm glad I don't have to decide between dragged and drug anymore. This has been a persistent problem for a long time. I'll have to go through my writings and weed out all of the drugs.... no pun intended.

The White Blacksmith · Guest Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2473

One was made, Mess-head, one was made.

Mephistopheles · Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 1:35 pm Post subject:

hmm, well, seeing as how i tend to accept 'non-standard' as a way of living vicariously, i shall leave the 'drug' in my story, and to hell with the scholars who wish to not accept it. Does this really seem like the scholarly type of story anyways? I was curious about why i found the use of the word so acceptable though, and find more curiosity even more piqued, as i have never lived in the midlands or the south. Hmm, past life experience coming through? perhaps. but thank you for the comment D-lotus. i would have corrected it had it not been found to be quasi-acceptable. and thanks lebby for justifying its' usage.
Love some of the ideas coming forth here! the next chapter should be real fun to write!

Mephistopheles · Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2007 3:54 pm Post subject:

Alright everyone, I finally got the poll up. Yeah! So lets see what you all think Thumper should have to sacrifice or promise to do.

Oh, and if you haven't already, don't forget to vote in SGotM! Which is funnier, rabbits having sex (yeah!) or people having sex (boo!)?

Chinaren · Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2007 4:31 pm Post subject:

Mephistopheles wrote:
Oh, and if you haven't already, don't forget to vote in SGotM! Which is funnier, rabbits having sex (yeah!) or people having sex (boo!)?

Ah, but people (and demons and dogs and...) having sex is much more diverse! And it lasts longer too! ;)

And voted.

Mephistopheles · Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2007 5:30 pm Post subject:

But dogs and demons have been done before, many times, rabbits are more original, china. and advert in your story!

D-Lotus · Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2007 9:24 pm Post subject:

Mephistopheles wrote: But dogs and demons have been done before, many times, rabbits are more original, china. and advert in your story!

Well, I'm not so sure about that. Remember that famous phrase, 'concupiscent as a rabbit'? (Now, where the hell did I read that?)

In any case, it's still pretty original in style- and funny to see things through the eyes of a rabbit.