City of IF

[Chinaren]

Warning! Read at your own risk!

This SGame contains unsuitable material! Twisted adult scenes! Perversion! Violence! Torture! More perversion! Other disgusting stuff!

Don’t say I didn’t warn you. If you are young, don’t like ‘naughty scenes’, lack a humorous disposition, or are otherwise unsuitable, then don’t read this SGame!

If you have any questions about this warning, please write a detailed letter, with a full list of complaints, and then shove it up your ass.


Chapter 7 – Ye Gods! .

”Bugger this,” said Lily. “I’m going to go after another artifact. While I’m running about after the sword they’ll be collecting the remaining ones.”

“How are you going to find them?” asked Zephyr, sitting down on the bed and picking up Messy, who gave a small high pitched shriek.

“There’s no point being a witch if you don’t use a bit of magic every now and then, is there?” Lily rolled up her sleeves. “Be a dear and push the bed back would you? I need a bit of room for this spell.”

Zephyr sighed, but did as he was bid as the witch prepared her incantation, checking the spell on her PDA. She prepared several ingredients, mixing them in a wooden bowl and drawing a pentagram on the carpet with a carbon stick.

“That’s going to be a bugger to get out,” said Zephyr.

“Right then, here goes,” Lily said, ignoring him. Raising her hands she glanced at the words written on PDA and took a deep breath before incanting.

“Spirits of Good! Hear my plea! Send me a sign - to aid me!” She glanced at the spell again and then spoke several long words of a strange musical language, just as there was a knock on the door.

“Room service!” came a muffled voice, interrupting her chant.

Lily hesitated, and looked meaningfully at her large companion, who finally realized what she meant.

“Not now,” Zephyr called back.

The witch frowned, took another breath, and finished off the spell.

There was a dull explosion and a puff of purple smoke, which cleared to reveal the small figure of a blond haired boy of about five. He was totally naked, holding a teddy bear and sucking his thumb.

Large blue eyes looked up a Lily, a picture of innocence. “Mummy,” he said. “Meany want poo poo.”

>

Lord of the Night stepped forward slowly. From the open entrance in the aisle came faint noises. He paused for a moment and listened, head cocked to one side. After a minute a slight smile crept onto his face, and he stepped forward into the passage beyond.

Never hadn’t shown up yet, and he’d wandered around trying to find the librarian. Rumors of her hidden playpen abounded in the archives, but he’d never paid much attention to them. Perhaps he should have. He made his way down the narrow, uneven stairs, which spiraled around in a shaft made of black stone. Moisture dripped from the walls, and the noises from below filtered up, distorted by the echoes. Still, Lord of the Night recognized screams when he heard them.

The stairs finally ended, opening up into a chamber that made Lord’s dark heart dance with glee. The walls were pure dungeon issue. Manacles hung at regular intervals, some still occupied by desiccated victims.

The shackles were just a taster though. The room itself had enough torture equipment to make Torquemada wet himself. His eyes were drawn to the center where, next to the Iron Maiden and a small metal cage hanging from the ceiling, was a large rack. Lying face down on this was an enormous mound of flabby flesh, squirming about, causing the fat to wobble in grotesque fashion. Lord could just make out two shapely legs sticking out from under the blubber. Occasionally they twitched and shook.

As he watched, the mound adjusted position, climbing onto the table and kneeling down so that the bulk hovered over the face of her victim.

“Give me some licky action down below my fairy lover,” moaned Dinranwen, rubbing pudgy hands over gigantic watermelon breasts.

“Oh god! Someone help me!” came a voice from under the rotund mama.

Now his mother had moved, Lord could make out a comely naked figure, laying on her back and tied down in spread eagled fashion on the torture device. Clamps had been attached to certain sensitive points, for added effect.

“That’s it baby! Beg for mercy!” The large form of Lord’s parent lowered itself, cutting off the screams abruptly, and causing Harley’s prone body to quiver as her air supply was smothered by Dinranwens’ squishy area.

Lord of the Night moved forward, but just then another shape stepped out of the shadows. This one was wearing a tight fitting green rubber suit, which accentuated the hourglass figure within. In one hand C.Frog held a gem encrusted whip. In the other a large phallus.

“Welcome to my recreation area Mr. Night,” she said, trailing the handle over his chest. “Are you ready to party?”

“Well, I…” His response was cut short as the voluptuous librarian looped the whip around him and pulled him close to her magnificent bosom.

“Shhhh,” she said. “No talking.”

Lord of the Night willingly complied.

>

“Son of a bitch!” Rai slumped into her chair and lit a cigarette before examining her leg, which was dripping blood.

“Oh lala! Zis iz it? No, how you say? Hot studs to service ze beeootiful lady? Zis is disappointing.” The sword was beginning to annoy her.

“Shut the fuck up you French motherfucker,” said snarled. “I’m hurt here.”

“Sacre bleu! Zis is something I can feex. Draw my proud blade forth leelte lady. I shall serve you.”

“What are you talking about?” asked Rai.

“I am ze powerful blade yes? Ze bearer has, how to say, ze ability to heal.”

“Indeed?” Rai leaned forward and drew the sword from its sheath. It was a fine piece of work she had to admit, apart from the non stop babble.

Instantly the handle felt warm in her hand, a feeling that swept over her. She looked down, and rubbed at the injury sustained when the witch had cast her spell at her. It was healed!

“Looks like you have some use after all blade,” she said, taking another drag of cigarette. “Now, all I have to do is pass you back to my employer, wherever he is.”

“You called?”

Rai sighed and put down the pistol that had suddenly appeared in her hand. “I wouldn’t do that around me,” she said. “She waved her prize. Here, your sword.”

“Oh, I don’t want it,” said Crossfire, gliding across the floor. “I just don’t want the others to have it. Put it somewhere safe, it may be useful to you.” He threw an envelope onto the dresser. “Your payment and next assignment.”

“Hey! I never agreed…” Rai trailed off, she was speaking to thin air. “Great,” she said.

After a moment she leaned forward and opened the package.

>

Big City Cemetery lurks on the outskirts of town. A gloomy place, as you would expect, it’s nonetheless, pretty busy. As well as the usual death toll of a thriving metropolis, the eternal battle between good and evil keeps the bodies coming in. The deaths by toxins emitted from the various factories, where evil has bribed the health authority to turn a blind eye, is just the icing on the cake.

Let’s look around the area a little more closely shall we? Notice the sturdy high wall surrounding the place. It almost seems like they don’t want someone, or something, getting in. Or perhaps getting out? It’s a puzzler and no mistake.

As a narrative we aren’t bound by mere walls anyway, so let’s pop over, mind the razor wire on the top there, and peek into the grounds.

Graves, tombs and all the usual boneyard paraphernalia on the other side seem to be somehow darker than usual. Admittedly, it is night, but still. Fog creeps ominously over the ground, adding that extra bit of atmosphere and because, let’s face it, no self respecting spooky graveyard is going to be sans mist.

A noise interrupts this rather pointless musing, which is only this long because the author arrived here a bit early and didn’t want to admit it. Let’s peer out through the well made iron gates to the road outside, and see who could possibly be hanging around in such an unsavory place this late in the day, besides us I mean.

A shape is approaching, it’s too dark to make it out clearly, but it’s obviously some kind of automobile. As it approaches the details become clearer, and we see one of the oldest clichés in horror. A clown car. Okay, maybe the car isn’t the oldest but… well you get the idea. Hush now, it’s getting near. Let’s step back into the mist, taking care not to fall into that open grave, and watch.

The car stops, the sudden lack of engine noise emphasizing the quiet of the night. The pink and blue door opens, and a large foot steps out, followed in short order by a matching one. Focus on the shoes for a minute. They are grossly oversized and, if the light was a little better, you’d see they were blue and yellow and horribly tasteless.

The door slams shut, and the figure shuffles around to the rear of the vehicle, letting us take in his baggy spotted pants and long red coat. Some would say red is a jolly color. Perhaps, but this one looks a little like it’s been soaked in blood, which isn’t all that jolly as a rule.

Still, color notwithstanding, the coat could conceal all sorts of gay* tricks to amuse the kiddies. A regulation yellow squirty flower on the lapel looks out gloomily as the wearer opens the rear doors of the car, which turns out to be a van.

The whitewashed face is startling in the dark of the night, and the painted circles around the eyes make it look almost skull-like, which is surely a mere coincidence. A raggedy bowler hat tops of the ensemble, sitting atop the purple hair that sticks out at totally un-amusing angles over the ears.

As we watch, the clown grunts and pulls a large sack from the rear of his van. Staggering under the weight, and accidentally squirting himself with his own flower, Algu the Amusing, clown to the dead, carries the bodybag over his shoulder and into the graveyard.

For some people, two jobs is one too many.

*No, not that kind of gay you perv.

>

“Is he one of yours?” Chinaren squinted at the clown figure on the board.

“I can’t remember,” said Idea Master. “One loses track when you have as many minions as I do.”

“Oh shut up. I still think I should be allowed to play my own pieces. I have a couple of Raptors and a Diplodocus left over, in the fridge.”

“No Jurassic era sauropods please,” said IM, scratching an ear. “You lost fair and square.”

“I still think you rigged the dice,” grumbled Chinaren. “It was a bit suspicious, that meteor changing course so suddenly like that.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” IM replied, attempting to look innocent, which isn’t easy for a god.

“So are you going to move or what?” asked Chinaren, scowling.

“No rush, no rush,” said IM. His hand moved over the board, hovered for a second, and then snapped a finger. “There,” he said.

“What did you do?”

“I granted her magic a boost. Should stop any more interference from you when she’s casting spells.”

“As if I would.”

>

“Who the fuck are you?” said Lily, her mouth agape.

“What’s fuck mean mummy?” said the small boy.

“Oh, he’s such a sweety!” exclaimed Zephyr. “Look at his little ding dong.”

“It’s too small for me to be interested in,” said Lily absently, scratching her head. “That interruption must have made my spell go wrong.”

“Mummy, the funny man scares me,” said the boy, sidling away from Zephyr, who was beaming through his beard at the kid. “And I want poo.”

“Of for fu… hecks sake,” said Lily. “I’m not your mummy!”

The small boy’s mouth turned down and tears welled up in his eyes. “Why mummy say bad about Meany?” he blubbered.

The witch rolled her eyes. “For the love of Wicca!” she said. “Okay, okay, mummy’s sorry. If you want a shit, I mean a poo, the crapper’s through there.” She pointed.

“Thank you mummy!” The little boy smiled and toddled off in the direction indicated.

“Let’s try again shall we?” said Lily. Zeph, put the ‘Do not disturb’ sign on would you? I don’t want to be interrupted this time too.” She prepared her spell again, and was ready in short order.

This time she felt the power surge through her. It almost seemed supercharged. Sparks flew from her fingers as she repeated the incantation, flawlessly this time, and spoke the activation word.

There was a huge explosion, which knocked both of them off their feet.

“What the hell was that?” asked Lily, getting up shakily. She gaped.

Standing in the center of the room, looking about as out of place as you could be, stood two strange figures. One was the spitting image of a wizard, complete with hat, beard and half moon glasses. The other was shorter and seemed to be some kind of large orange monkey hybrid. As she watched, it crossed it arms and glared up at the taller wizard.

“Oh, that’s just great,” it said sarcastically. “Just you wait until it’s my turn, it’s going to be dinosaur central around here.”

“I may have overdone the power boost a little,” said the mage.

“A little? A little? She’s gone and summoned us! I haven’t been summoned since… since I can’t remember. Before the Romans at least.”

“Who the hell are you?” asked Lily.

“Never mind,” said the wizard, ignoring the witch. “I’ll just reverse the spell and send us back up again.” He snapped his fingers.

“Well?” said the monkey.

The mage snapped his fingers again. Nothing happened. “I seem to be broken, you try.”

The monkey sighed. “Very well, if you want something doing…” He waggled his ears.

Nothing happened.

“Er…”

“Who the fuck are you?!” screamed Lily, not used to being ignored.

The two looked at her, at each other, then back at her. “Well my dear, it’s like this…” the wizard started.

“We’re gods,” interrupted the monkey. “I’m Chinaren, this moron is Idea Master. Bad Idea Master I may add.”

“You appear to have summoned us,” said IM. “I don’t suppose you would do us a favor and reverse the spell please?”

Lily opened her mouth to reply, but a frantic hammering on the door interrupted her.

“You in there! This is the management! What are you doing? Open up immediately!”

“Oh, that’s not good,” said Chinaren. He looked at Lily. “Do something!” he said. “We can’t be seen by mortals, it’s considered bad form these days.”

“Open up in there! Security is on its way!” The man outside wasn’t going away.

Lily took a deep breath. Casting two powerful spells in quick succession had drained her. There was no way she could cast anything decent again before she had rested. What could she do?

Meany came back into the room and walked over to stand beside her. “Mummy, that orange monkey smells funny,” he said.

>>>>>>

Okay then. Managed to get a few bids into this one.

What’s the plan now people? How’s Lily going to handle this one?

Don't forget to add this to your favorites if you think it's worthy! :D

<<<<<<

Bids now due:

Random bid: Algu, 220 Fables - For me to be introduced as some kind of neutral/evil character. He's trying to twist these events so that he gains something from it, but is not "really" evil. (Given my avatar he should be a mage, preferably a necromancer)
corruption bid Key, 300 Fables - for algu to have the red nose and clown car. He can still be a powerful necromancer.

I bid 100 for Lordy to stumble in to the librarian scene with the other two and join in.

Random bid Whitey, 100F - I bid 100 fables for a young boy (called The Meaning of Fear) to decide Lily is his mommy and follow her around, and for Lily not to be able to get rid of him for some reason. It would be good if he was around 5 and kept asking to be read a bedtime story or some such.

Random bid: Key, 840 Fables - for the gods to be powerless for at least two chapters, but then later they develop strange uncontrollable powers.

….

[The White Blacksmith]

Excellent! Very funny, particularly the 'Mummy, that orange monkey smells funny' bit.

Payment is in a little winged envelope right now.

[algu95]

Hello, Cren. Hello, Idea Master. I mean Bad Idea Master :D

The fables are soon to be in thy pocket, Cren.

[Crunchyfrog]

Ye Gods! You didn't leave as much to the imagination as you normally do, with the Din/Harley scene!

Anyways, 'twas a good read, although the boy will probbaly want some clothes at some point.

As to what to do... Well Lily is tired, so she wants to get some sleep. Since she has two gods with her now, who are depending on the replenishment of her powers, she can bargain with them.

Send them off to find the next artifact along with Zephyr, (after all, he's scaring the kid). They may have no powers but being gods they must know where the next one is, right?

And if they don't get it for her, she won't give them their powers back. They are at her mercy!

[Crunchyfrog]

*double posts to add* - And you forgot the 'edit' function on the forum again. Can't edit posts!

[LordoftheNight]

Well. I think that's all that needs to be said.

A comment on Crunchy's idea - while she may have some form of barginning power over them, C'ren is going to know she's IM's piece, and therefore will probably be quite reluctant to help her.

Maybe the two should seperate - IM helping Lily, (and therefore helping himself in the Game) while Chinamonkey (Chinaperson doesn't really cut it) tries to find Lordy, or another one of his pieces.

[Key]

I don't know if Lily's really going to buy the "We're gods" routine, especially since they don't appear to have any powers. On the other hand, whatever spell she used to summon them did seem super-powerful, so they must be someone important.

I say she contacts the COWs or any other allies she has to try to figure out who these people really are.

[Mephistopheles]

okay, first things first, the errors that i found:

Quote: she said. “She waved her prize. Here, your sword.” Quote marks are in the wrong place.

Quote: As a narrative we aren’t bound by mere walls anyway, so let’s pop over, mind the razor wire on the top there, and peek into the grounds. As a narrator we aren't blah blah blah.

okay, that was all i can remember. Good chappy china! and hmm, Lilith should hide the two gods and the kid in the bathroom, and then get naked along with zephyr, so that they can pretend that they were getting it on so as to explain all the noise that occurred from within the room. that is the best i can come up with at this moment. perhaps something better will strike my mind later.

[Chinaren]

Mephistopheles wrote:
Lilith should hide the two gods and the kid in the bathroom, and then get naked along with zephyr, so that they can pretend that they were getting it on so as to explain all the noise that occurred from within the room. that is the best i can come up with at this moment. perhaps something better will strike my mind later.

:rofl: :clap: :laf: :lol:

OMG! Great idea there Messy! There's going to be some kind of award coming your way for that one.

[Idea master]

Ackpth! I've been summoned!

Well, I'd have to go with the 'hide everyone that isn't supposed to be there' approach. And the, erm...distraction idea could also work. But the big problem is what is Lilith going to do once the crisis is averted? Most likey, she'll demand favors of the gods, like instant crisis aversion or more dogs to 'play' with. When the gods can't do this and start to warp her mind with tales of their 'game,'...

That's where you come in, Chinamonkey.

[The White Blacksmith]

Chinaren wrote: Mephistopheles wrote:
Lilith should hide the two gods and the kid in the bathroom, and then get naked along with zephyr, so that they can pretend that they were getting it on so as to explain all the noise that occurred from within the room. that is the best i can come up with at this moment. perhaps something better will strike my mind later.

:rofl: :clap: :laf: :lol:

OMG! Great idea there Messy! There's going to be some kind of award coming your way for that one.

Just... Just no.

I suggest that we use Head's suggestion, but with modifications. They lock Zephr in the cupboard, and pretend to be a family. IM could be the cgrandfather, Lily (as Meany thinks she's his mom anyway) the mother, Harley the aunt and C'ren the pet... orangutan. Lily can probably cast at least a basic illusion, to make their clothes seem nowmal (or existant) and appropriate.

[LordoftheNight]

Harley's not there - she's busy being...smothered.

[Guest]

lordofthenight wrote: Harley's not there - she's busy being...smothered.

Thanks for reminding me of that Lordy.

[Chinaren]

Any more ideas for this one? I'm happy to entertain ideas for what Lily should 'do' with the gods, but the immediate problem is the manager at the door.

I'll put up a poll in two or three days, so get your ideas in!

I have also awarded Messy a Fantastic comment medal for his post above! Well done Messy, a 100F will join you shortly, and your medal will be put on display in Chinaren Hall soon.

Well done!

[Rune]

Lily offers to help the gods so long as one of them (she doesn't care which) will mate with her and give her a child. Nothing like 'Divine Conception' to empower a lady.

This could easily and heavily skew the tides of either side as just imagine what happens once either good or evil discovers that our little harlot is carrying dog spaw-- er I mean god spawned progeny.

[Mephistopheles]

thank you china. that is too kind! i was just being me after all.

[algu95]

Perverts :shock:

[Chinaren]

Poll will go up tomorrow, so last chance for comments.

[Rune]

She could always mess her hair, muss her clothes and say that she and her companions were busy being 'busy' on the bed, it fell and broke and with three people it resulted in a rather spectacular situation with other furniture falling simultaneously. Everything is alright.

[Chinaren]

Very well, poll is up! Leap into the orgy of voting.

[NeverNeverGirl]

im thinking the first and last will have the same out come so i voted for one of them....

[Crunchyfrog]

:rofl: @ the current poll result

:D

[Chinaren]

Mmm, it's fairly close so far. ;) Still, I'll leave it another day or so before starting the next installment.