City of IF

[Mephistopheles]

warning, i found no reason for a warning. Be very scared!

God stood in the radiant sunshine, feeling the soft soil beneath his feet, the gentle stirring of the breeze as it passed over him. This was what life was truly about, He thought. It isn’t chasing women, or filling oneself full of drugs in order to feel temporarily happy. Why had so many of His children fallen into the trap of instant gratification? There was so much that life offered to them. If only they could see that.

His musings were interrupted by the a low moan. God turned his body towards the vegetable house where Mother stored Her tools. The moans increased in volume and length as He drew nearer. He pushed the door open, and a great clatter of shovels, hoe’s and rakes falling to the floor cut out all other sounds. God pushed harder upon the door. Forcing everything to the side, He was finally able to enter. Before him stood Mother, Her hair disheveled, Her hands on Her hips. Each hand held a half cucumber, half pickle like vegetable.

“What are you doing in here Dear? And what the heck are those?” God pointed at the mutant vegetables His wife held.

“What, these? They, um, they’re an experiment. See, this way I can take one vegetable and add cucumbers and pickles to my salads at once. You going to pick up that stuff You knocked over or just leave it there for Me?”

“Oh, yes in a moment Dear. Toss Me one of those, I’m hungry.” God held out His hand. Mother reluctantly passed one of Her veggies over. She tried not to show any emotions as God took a healthy bite out of the pickle end.

“Hmm, these are quite good Mother. Scrumptious really.” He stuck it into His mouth and lightly gripped it in His teeth as He turned to pick up the tools that He had knocked over. He stood back up, finally taking another bite. He seemed to relish the flavor, grinning and closing His eyes as He chewed.

“Did You add an aphrodisiac to these? My, but I’m getting randy.” God grinned at Her, His desire beginning to show itself.

“What did You find out from Bdevil? What is Our poor misunderstood child up to these days?” Mother quickly wanted to change the topic, before Her Beloved could ask any more questions about Her vegetable skills.

“Oh, You know, same old story. ‘Why Dad can’t we feel at home? It is so stupid and bogus Dad. You’re so dumb Father.’ It was more of the same arguments, just a different time.” God finished off His snack, swallowing thoughtfully. “You don’t think that he is right, do You Mother?”

“Well, Father, he makes some valid points. Why did You, in Your infinite wisdom, give our children bodies that reacted so positively to pleasure, and then teach them to be ashamed of that pleasure, to even fear it? You have set up heaven so that there is no physical pleasure either. What do You have against pleasure?” Mother and God had discussed this but a few times. While God was slow to anger, these conversations generally did the trick. She truly wished that He would just remain patient and listen, talk, understand maybe even.

“Pleasure brings so much unhappiness Mother. Look at it all over on earth. First you have beings who do extremely stupid stuff in order to get a rush from it. Like mountain climbing without ropes, or white water rafting, or jumping off buildings that are barely tall enough to get a chute to work from. They mock the life that I gave them, they don‘t appreciate it.”

“God, they are using the body that You gave them in order to appreciate it more. How do You know that every land base jumper, or racer, or motorcyclist doesn’t appreciate life more because of their actions and experiences? And the adrenaline rush? So what if they get something besides gratitude for their success in living through their adventures.?”

God glared at his wife, knowing that He would now have to look deeper into the thoughts of people to see why they did extreme sports and such. Yet He was not defeated. “Then you have those that do drugs. They can’t seem to appreciate life. They want to run from all the beauty that I have given them. Some do it to escape living itself. Life is such a gift. Why would you want to run from it, or live it in a semiconscious daze?”

Mother thought for a moment, trying to justify drug usage. This argument had always stymied her before. “Are you sure that the drugs don’t enhance their lives? Not the ones that were made, no, they take the life out of our children. Even those that are supposed to fix anomalies and errors that You made in Your calculations are dangerous to them. But the ones that You created, like marijuana or opium. They help those flesh embodied entities. You can’t classify all drug users the same. That is wrong, God. Does a pot smoker ever harm anyone, even themselves?”

“Think on that God. Yes, heroin, cocaine, methamphetamines, they destroy an individual, eating away their bodies and their lives, possessing them with need to use more. You did put things there though that are good that are still classified as drugs.”

“Okay, so, not all drugs are bad, I knew that when I made them. But our children, they always want more rush, more pleasure. They have done so much just to make sex better.” God looked at her, noting that She may have been observing Their children better than He. “Why have they put so much effort into better, easier, longer or safer sex? There are those that think that sex is the cure all for everything. And before you start pointing your finger at Me, I don’t use sex as an escape. I use it as a means of showing My deep and profound love to You. Every moment that I am with You, I am giving You everything that I am. I do not try to think that while I am copulating, I am creating happiness. The happiness is there whether I am in You or not. But there are those who are so enamored of sex that all they know that brings them pleasure is sex. They become slaves to it.”

Mother started to try to defend this statement, not sure of how She could hope to do so, but God held a hand up, blessedly silencing Her.

“Speaking of slaves, why are the earthbound so afraid of living life? Some are so miserable with their existence, they hand over their freedom of choice to another. They succumb to the will of a being that wishes to emulate Me, being that poor subservient individual’s ‘god‘. They can’t find happiness within themselves. They beg for it to be given to them from another. They want happiness, they want pleasure, but they do not want to get it for themselves. Some of these individuals, knowing what their ‘god‘ requires of them, disobey so that they are punished, thereby enhancing the pleasure that they receive later by pleasing their ‘god‘.”

“Look at all the sins that are committed just for sex alone, Mother. Rape, Incest, Murder, Pride, Lust, Gluttony, Adultery, these are all committed because of sex. I am sure that there are many more too, if I wanted to take the time to think further on it. And the reason for sex in most cases? Pleasure. That is why I want our children to deny themselves physical pleasure so much, why they don’t feel it here in heaven. If they could find spiritual happiness, they would know eternal peace. Joy would forever be abundant in their hearts. There is no reason for a single soul here to be unhappy, because I have taken away the ability to feel physical pleasure. Everyone should be happy!”

Mother looked at God, surprised at the passion in which He spoke. She understood Him better, after all these millions of years of being together, She finally understood this stance. She could not agree however. “God, all they knew on Earth was pleasure, pain. Pain was undesirable. Who wouldn’t go out of their way to find pleasure? Do You realize though that the pleasure that they experienced as fleshly beings was so powerful that even in spirit they recall it? They miss it too. Sure, not feeling pain is wonderful, even liberating, but they miss pleasure. There is a roaring trade in drugs right now that help them experience pleasure here. I have….”

“What did You say Mother? They are doing drugs here in heaven? In My house? This will not be tolerated!” God turned from Mother, angrily reaching into His robes. He found his cell phone and flipped it open. “Michael” he yelled into the phone. Instantly, Michael stood before God.

“I have just heard some very disturbing news Michael. Isn’t it your job to ensure that everyone here behaves themselves?” God addressed Michael with wrath in His voice, heaven trembling beneath His feet.

“Well, not exactly God. I ensure that the angels act accordingly. I don’t recall who You set in charge of attending to the behaviors of the earth removed spirits.” Michael wondered if this was going to get him out of trouble or not. Technically he wasn’t lying, but, heavenly justice was in his domain.

“Find the catholic doctrines that state who is responsible and bring that individual here. Make it quick!”

“Yes, My Lord.” Michael rapidly turned and disappeared, leaving God and Mother alone. “And you knew of this. How long has this been going on for? Answer Me, or maybe You would like to visit Our son permanently?’

```````````````````````````````````````````
Thumper and Lucy both breathed a sigh of relief at Michael’s sudden disappearance. “Quickly Thumper, this way!” Lucy began hopping away as fast as she could, Thumper following, his rod striking first the ground, then bouncing back to strike his head as he hopped along. Lucy looked back and suppressed a giggle at the sight. Now was not the time to be laughing.

“In here Thumper. Hurry up.” Lucy stood in the darkened doorway of a neat little house. Thumper followed her in, happy to be able to move at a slow pace, his paw rubbing his bruised forehead.


okay, different sort of chapter. but, just a few little issues, like where are Thumper and Lucy? Does God throw Mother out of heaven? any and all thoughts and replies welcome!

[Chinaren]

You should have a warning up there Messy! I'm not used to all this filysofical stuff in your stories! (Even if it is very well written).

Good vegetable scene though!

I think God will calm down after a while, I'm sure Mrs. God knows how to handle him. As for our hero, I've no idea just now...

[Bill Board]

You are all unique...

You all have talents...

You all have beliefs...

You all will make history...




The revolution is now.

Posted by kind permission of Mephistopheles

[D-Lotus]

Nice chappy, different subject. By the way, I had a feeling God was Catholic! ;) I guess I'll have to stop being muslim.

Hmm, I think Lucy and Thumper are in a laboratory... a heavenly laboratory.

[Kalanna Rai]

Okay, I'm thinking it's Lucy's living room where several burly bikers are waiting to collect what has been stashed on his person.

[Crunchyfrog]

That was different! F5 China there, not what I'm used to, but well written.

I like the head-thumping bit!

I'd say they end up in a scene full of Beatrix Potter characters on drugs.

:D

[The White Blacksmith]

F5 Cruncho!

But it shouldn't just be Beatrix Potter characters. It should be all those fluffy bunnies and ducklings that never becamse famous. The famous ones wouldn't be dead, would they?

[Cyberworm]

God should throw Mother out of Heaven, and then eventually she should join Thumper and Lucy in their quest for pleasure. They do have the same goals, after all. :D

[Player of Fates]

I'm going with cyber worm. Also, meph, you perv. Only you would think of erotic bunny stories.

[NeverNeverGirl]

okay i am just catching up on this... so bear with me

i say we combine the lab with the beatrix potter characters ..

or have it be a hippie colony... for beatrix characters

[Mephistopheles]

LOL, I feel so tainted, because i have no idea who you all are talking about when you mention beatrix potter. is she like harry potters other aunt?anyways, will be doing a bit of background reading i guess before i can write another chappy, just in case the potter characters win. thanks guys for giving me more to read :)

[DELETED]

DELETED

[Mephistopheles]

one thought that Z just inspired: when does a fictional character die if it does not do so within the work of fiction?

Bambi's mom could be in , old yeller and those two hounds from where the red fern grows, but goofy? donald? they still live. perhaps these potter characters still live too.

[LordoftheNight]

Actually, the Jolly Red Roof Lurker goes around hunting down fictional characters after their tales are told, and brutally murdering them all.

Just so that they can appear in any setting you want. It's a cunning plot armour.

[The White Blacksmith]

I always thought that it was more 'They live as long as people still read/buy their stories'.

[Mephistopheles]

i like whitey's idea. then i don't have to read all those kids tales

altho, i read a few already. my eyes were seared from the innocence of them all.

[Lilith]

Oh ... no...... I saw the words "bambi's mom" and I shuddered... you sick sick people!

:P okay kidding..

...hrmm.... So God likes to talk in circles around and around to cover his own ass, eh?

*bites tongue*

Old Yeller? Old Dan and Little Ann? What is with picking on the puppies?

[NeverNeverGirl]

Im loving lordys Santa consipiracy theory!!!

[LordoftheNight]

Come on. You can't look at This and tell me it's not the work of a sociopathic malicious brutal killing machine.

[Mephistopheles]

good link lordy!

on a more topic related note, any more ideas? I'll it go a bit longer, then a-polling we will go!

[Mephistopheles]

poll is up.

poll is closed. Potter characters wins! 5 votes versus 2 for the lab and 0 for the heaven's angels den. New chappy up!