City of IF

[The Meaning Of Fear]

Well... I'm lost for words. :shock:

It's beautifully written. The words flow well with the events, and everything that happens I can see in my mind... It's amazing. A great Sg, wormy.

The only thing I can complain about is that this seems a little too fast. You've thrown them into such a huge fight scene so quickly, and while it is a great piece in itself, it disrupts the flow of your plot. Makes it quite hard to pitch another war-scene later on in your SG. We as readers barely know anything at all, let alone the characters themselves.

My suggestion is release the information over a series of chapters, slowly and readily to ease out the plot. Don't dump it all out in the next chapter to make up for the abrupt war scene, otherwise it'll end up as a huge lump.

The character development is quite good, though. You're revealing each of their personalities slowly. I find it quite funny that someone like Requiel would be an angel. More like a succubus, if you ask me.

And, you do realize your poll has closed down with a tie of 3:3:0:1?

If it helps, I would've voted for him to use his powers. It'll help us readers get a deeper look into his personality, and the nature of their powers.

[Cyberworm]

Thank you Meanie, thank you a lot! :D

I'd take this advice to heart, and I'll be writing the chappy in a few days, accounting your vote as well. Unfortunately my time's up so I can't write more but thank you all again for reading! :D

See you in a few days!

[DeadManWalking]

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMN

Boy am i sorry i didn't start this before.

Although i think i may have started it, ha to leave, than forgot how good it was a while back.

well I'm sorry that i didn't finish it.

I'm also very very sorry i'm up against you for SGOTM.

looking forward to the next chappie!

[Cyberworm]

It's ok DMW, RL's been a killer for all of us. :cool:

Oh, and may the best SG win. :gun:

[TruePurple]

Quote: "I thought so, they were planning to get rid of me for some time." Deveraux thought. "Nevertheless, I must play their game for now, or we are all doomed."..
So was all this thoughts? Or did he speak any of it outloud? You need something other then quotation marks to signify thoughts. Maybe italics?


Quote: The most markable object in the room was the crescent table. It was placed so that the straight part was facing the wall, and the semi-circular part was facing the middle of the room, ruining the symmetry of the whole space.

A crescent is curved on its inner space concavely. It doesn't have a straight side. Maybe you just mean a semicircle?

Also, I assume you meant 'remarkable', not 'markable'. Unless your trying to express how easy it is to write on and deface the table.

Quote: "... but why won't you let me see them?" she asked him with hope in her eyes. That hope was covered with tears, but it was still noticeable to their patron, Raphael.

See who? The people who have already signed? You don't make this clear.

Quote: why was (raphael) acting so unnaturally?
Um, the whole situation is unnatural. I can't think of what it would mean to "act natural" in that situation. Nor would I expect it. For that matter, what would a guy with few memories know what natural behavior looks like to compare to?

Why didn't anyone bother reading what they were signing? That information would come in handy for both deciding whether to sign and deciding what to do afterwards. Maybe you could tell us what they signed to help with the DP?

(reading other chapters will have to wait till tomorrow)

[TruePurple]

A thought. maybe you could have a list of protagonist characters and their physical and behavioral traits for readers to have a better time keeping track of them. They could keep the list open next to the story. Likewise abbreviating the names occassionally just makes it more confusing.

Quote: She felt air flowing through the crack where the two walls connected. The air was so sweet, filled with both lust and grief, joy and terror, glee and despair.

I find it hard to believe all that came from a puff of air out of a crack of door. Anyways if it were that strong, I would think she would be overcome with it upon going through.

Quote: Every angel except for Ori went on alert when the gunshot cracked through the air. Birds flew from the trees in panic, a few rabbits ran through the woods, caring little for the visitors who were watching them, from the clearing. All six of the newcomers were on alert
First part you say Ori didn't go on alert. Second part you say everyone was on alert.

Seems you might have wanted to have them observe those guys they came across when coming out of the tunnel or what ever. To find out how they behave when you aren't around.

Quote: following the wall patterns so he isn't noticed.

How do you follow a wall pattern? I didn't follow this line.

Does the color change from red to black and back signify anything or is it like my separating of areas in my story to help people keep track of where they are in the story?

Quote: they thoughts stayed clear

I'm guessing you meant "their thoughts stayed clear"

As far as the DP. If she seems to be holding well enough on her own, I'd say leave it. See what she behaves like after its all done.

The thing with with the priest putting on the leather coat, why? To look 'cool'? Also, why was that guy there with them so impressed by the leather coat. He didn't even know about the whole thing.

BTW, let me guess, your running this like a pen and paper campaign with these 6 guys. Well thats how it seems to read to me.

[Cyberworm]

Chapter Four – ''Imbued With Ice''


The demons will soon break through, the defense line is weakening… we can barely hold them as is, and they still keep advancing yard by yard, shooting down our soldiers. I have no choice…

Attaris' thoughts were interrupted by a bone projectile, but he evaded it with grace and looked at now bloodthirsty Orifiel, whose fluid choreography almost mesmerized him. It seemed like there indeed was death in beauty, for the elegance of her moves was matched only by the death count that continued to rise as her stone hands crushed their foes.

What's with the streak of madness? She was so calm, timid actually… and now the power drove her insane! Who says it wouldn't do the same to me? But… wait a second… I never let her out of my sight, and I'm pretty sure she didn't say anything while we were up here… not a word. Could it be that…

Question, contrast, doubt, question… the only thing missing were the two answers his thoughts generated. He marched over a few corpses, looking only at Orifiel. An arrow or a bone projectile broke under his feet, but who actually cared? The cracking sound was lost in the thumping of the huge stone hands and the battle haze like a drop of water is lost beneath a lake's surface. She was like a butcher in the land of the pigs, the battlefield was her playground. And who was she anyway? She was neither timid nor gentle as Orifiel, her voice was filled with terrible pain, and it almost sounded male. A subtle click in Att's mind zoomed him back to reality as he pulled ''Orifiel'' by her shoulder. She screamed in rage, losing connection with the cold humongous hands which, in turn, fell to block the fort entrance.

Perfect timing! He dodged a swing of her hand, but he couldn't evade a kick in his stomach that sent him flying a few yards behind him.

''Come on, smartass… surely you must've seen it coming!''

''Yeah (cough cough), I've seen it.''

He slowly rolled to the side and stood up, dusting himself off.

''Listen… this might sound a bit bad but… you're a menace.''

''Oh? And I suppose YOU will do something about it?''

She flicked her hand from the elbow and a piece of wall broke off and flew by them, smashing the head of one of the few surviving archers. He literally ''dropped dead'' like a rag doll.

''NOW THIS HAS GONE TOO FAR! STOP!''

She launched another rock, and then another, and another, and you could see the fury in Att's eyes… Righteous rage? Maybe, but definetly rage. He dashed forward, ignoring the throbbing pain in his gut, running over corpses and feeling how the warmth in his legs made them shake, though unnoticeably for anyone else. He shouted his name, which then turned in a throaty scream, and then there was a flash of light.

Blood. Blood dripping down and pouring through the coulisses in the light, cold stone. Attaris stood where Orifiel was, but… did he kill her? No… he lifted her off the ground by her neck, which seemed painful but also looked as if he didn't break it on purpose, like he retained his control in the sudden burst of light and energy. She wriggled in the air, trying to catch her breath.

''(Hack) Bastard… not fair…''

That bastard was now feeling the power run through his legs, his arms… oh, and there was an addition to his physique – a great pair of transluscent icy wings. They were glorious, even though they were red with his own blood that poured dowm and soaked the dust on the ground beneath him. His skin, which was naturally pale, now had a dark shade of blue which was imbued with ice. It spread through the pores of his skin, emphasizing itself on his neck and digging into his cheeks, and his eyes, which were pulsing with heat from the outburst of rage moments ago were now frosty, emanating vapour around their edges.

''I can see why you like this…'' he said, making a fist with his left hand and then releasing. [/b]''But I still can't let you kill them all.''[/b]

She shook, but it was because of the dampened laughter. ''Oh really? And since when was I the enemy number one?'' She just pointed over the walls - the demons weren't marching towards the fort in such great numbers anymore, but were instead running away from it, with only a few of the most furious and dangerous beasts still dashing towards them. He threw her forward and leaned over the walls to assess the situation, and when he figured that they were relatively safe he turned his head and looked at her.

What a mess… All this… friends, foes, and especially the ones in between. It shouldn't be this complicated. Why do I have the feeling something is not right? Demons? I read about them… where? My past life was filled with… Oh how my head hurts…

He mustn't show weakness, she is too unstable. Though her role in saving the fort was arguable he couldn't resist his curiosity, since every question ha san answer he was content to get some answers. There were just too many questions, and the battle was fading. He frowned, but smirked lightly just to make her tilt her head in confusion.

''Who are you, witch? And how did you gain all that power without saying your name?''

''What? Witch?'' She looked at herself and then at the fleeting hordes of demons. ''Well… this is interesting…'' She stroke her waist and thighs with her left hand while reclining against her right and then giggled girlishly, with the deep tone of her voice preserved. ''Do you really think that the childish yelling of your name is actually neccessary, rugrat? Just think about it - I managed to break free without any hocus-pocus or names, now why would anyone want you to say your name every time you want to use your powers?''

Rugrat? That is new. But she is somewhat right... I felt the power going through me even before I said my name, and I think I could even transform without saying it. And why would Raphael want us to go through with it every time? His mind flashed back to the image of them signing the contract. There was something strange in Raphael's eyes, maybe guilt, or even sadness. What was so wrong in what they did? Or perhaps it was something he did?

Another flash and he was back in reality, and he realised he was watching ''Orifiel'' caress herself the whole time (sliding her hand over her loins, stomach and chest), and just when he was about to fight the her hypnotic effect she raised her hand. The rock underneath his legs came alive, looking almost liquid-ish, and it started climbing up his leg and pressing him so hard he couldn't move his legs a quarter inch, no matter how he tried - the force that kept it together was simply too strong. In the sudden realisation of his gullibility and the limits of his powers he panicked, fear making him try to crush the stone with his hands… which didn't work. The stone was under her control, and it was too powerful, making her power was even more obvious in the way it was ascending up his waist and pressing his organs. He was about to curse and yell at her when he saw her sweat.

Sweat, drool… Of course! His hands were quicker than his thought, and by making a pretty circular move from the wrists he froze her sweat. ''The majority of the human body contains water…'' He grinned inwardly when he figured how deadly that realisation was, and that in this world knowledge literally was power. She squeaked at the tingling sensation of cold that ran through her skin but more importantly she lost control of the rocks that were pressing Att's chest and were about to reach his head. Attaris chuckled, which sounded almost as sinister as Orifiel's screams.

''Now…'' he said almost whispering, whispy vapor flowing through his teeth and between his cold, cold lips. ''Who are you witch?'' There was no reponce from her, she just spat in front of him and tried to shoot him with a wooden arrow. He saw it coming from the corner of his eye and dodged it smoothly. Controlling earth AND wood? I guess it makes sense.

''Don't make me beat it out of you, trickster.''

''Trickster? You flatter me! But you wouldn't hurt a lady now, would you?''

Attaris sighed and shook his head in disbelief. She totally lost it.

''Just stop this madness and return to the human form. Or whatever the ''normal'' look is. We'll talk about this later.''

She made her lips pouty and flapped her eyelashes. ''And what if I decide to stay in this lovely angelic body and wreak more havoc?''

He then looked at her and said, deadly serious – ''Then I would have to beat you up first, and then ask you some questions when you become conscious again.'' She suddenly started clapping childishly, she squeaked in delight with a wide smile stretching her lips before looking at him strangely, radiating something between lust and madness.

''Show me what you've got, popsickle!''

She threw a rock at his head, but he managed to smash it in mid-air with a piece of ice he lunged from the puddle underneath the rock's trajectory. Dust filled the air around him, blocking his vision, when she suddenly threw a punch from behind the powdery wall.

***

Seraphine was getting tired of all the evading. With her short temper and a very great disliking for people (or demons) who play with their victims that she couldn't quite explain her concentration was failing rapidly. She had to kill the creatures or else they would kill her and the civillians, and she had to kill them fast because her chances were getting thinner by the second. The only question that posed now was ''how?''. She observed their movements, but barely tracked them as they shifted through the darkness, and the darkness alone. The barn was fairly big, so the shiftings were almost unnoticeable for the whole of their bodies blended in the dark surroundings with ease, except for their eyes.

This is suspicious. Not only they hide in the dark, but they seem to avoid lights of any kind. They'd kill me before I even got to the barn door, so opening them or just getting help is out of the question. Fuck.She skimmed around with her eyes, looking for anything that could help her. Anything at all. A shush to her left and above her, cracking in the corner, but she needed light! While jumping to the side to avoid a flying slash of one of the creature's claws she caught a glimpse of some light far up near the beams, a small oil lamp that was hanging about 30 feet above her and faintly illuminating the area around it.
Not exactly the kind of light I've been looking for, but I could make use of it… oh yes…

She glanced at the ''bunker'' behind her to see if all the people were safe and when she looked away from the misery and fright that hovered on the faces of old men, women and children she sticked her spear in the ground with one hand while pulling out a javelin with the other, raising it high to get a feel of it's weight and balance before swinging herself back and then forward into a dash, a stretch and the release of the javelin, all of which she'd done like a professional, an athlete.

She launched the javelin in an almost straight line and it hit the lamp, making the burning oil splash around the hay that was lying around and ultimately spread on the walls as well. The shadows never saw it coming, the walls caught fire too fast. As the flames licked their bodies the ghasts became solid and got burned, pieces of their scorched flesh became visible and floated in the air, though the rest of their bodies remained smoky and hollow while those almost humanoid, hollow shapes screeched and shifted around, trying to hide in the shadows that were now almost non-existent.

One of the civilians shouted ''Fire!'' and they all ran out of their hiding place, fighting for the way out of the burning barn. They seemed to see the murderous demons even better than Sera and they escaped them with primitive, crude efficiency while only being weary of the fire. ''Seems like to them it is better to be eaten by demons than burned... Idiots.'' When it seemed like all of the innocents were gone she grabbed a broken piece of wood that fell off the wall and fired it up against some hay, hoping to use it as a weapon, and it proved to be useful since the demons wouldn't approach her now that she could make them solid even for a moment by a swing of her new toy. Encouraged by this new way of defending herself she decided to attack, so she pulled out another javelin and fired it up.

At first she kept missing the beasts, who moved in zig-zaggish patterns that seemed almost random, but she soon saw a move of the beast that was closer to her and she threw a javelin to intercept it. The burned enemy was pinned to the wall, screaming and screeching it's lungs out. It jerked, it scratched the wall but alas, it was futile – the walls were burning closer and closer and soon it burned its hands trying to escape… and then the flames embraced it. In a fiery salvation (or damnation) it was consumed, leaving only dust and pieces of flesh to fall on the ground, the air around it being filled by an aura of lost souls that were now free from their supposedly eternal torment… But there was still another ghast in the barn.

The crackling sound was coming from everywhere, the auditive irritations of burning wood were mixed with the demon's own voice and making it difficult for Sera to think. She walked around the center, daring it to come out and attack, and she took her spear again to heat the tip while still holding the burning piece of wood in her other hand. She slowly circled her way to the center, moving as if she was sneaking and kept sweeping around with her eyes, searching for a floating piece of burned flesh or the glowing, bloody red eyes that were sure to keep haunting her in her sleep in the next few nights.

There was a whisper near her ear, a chuckle above her, even a woman's scream from somewhere and the flames kept flashing in her vision, making it hard to see through the darker areas. There was an overload of sensations, all senses on edge, even her tastebuds shriveled at the taste of smoke that acidulously streamed down her tongue. So uncomfortable, like an itch you can't reach. All her sensors blended as the temperature started to rise, the climax of distractions imminent, concentration falling rapidly and… It's there! Above her!

She pushed the burning wood through the demon's chest as it was falling onto her and jumped to the side so it would end it's flight on the ground next to her feet, rather than her. She watched her squirm in agony and reach out for her, blood dripping off her claws and pain exploding in her eyes while all of her muscles twitched, convulsed and cramped uncontrollably. She, for the figure seemed feminine, had something deep behind those red eyes – she was trying to say something but she couldn't because of her demonic disfigurations. What was it? ''Thank you''? ''Kill''? ''Save me''? Whatever it was, it was quickly extinguished by the fire and a mist of lost souls streamed between the hay straws, like a slow fog early in the morning.

Sera was panting, happy to finally be able to catch some breath, when there was another crackling. She didn't think, no time for that, instead she spun her spear, it's tip still glowing red with heat, crouched and pushed it behind her in a half-spin. She felt something soft being stabbed through and when she looked behind her eyes suddenly widened and her pupils shrunk, and in that moment she could feel her heartbeat drumming in her head… Thum thum… The front of the light blue skirt got quickly soaked with blood, light red in colour. Thum thum… The little girl didn't let a sound. Thum thum… Sera's soul, heart and conscience sank to her stomach as she backed away from the spear and the poor victim…

Thum thum.

What have I done?! I killed the girl! She looked at the bunker and saw a woman lying there in her own blood. The demons killed her mother… The woman's scream, I heard it but didn't realise… There was a trail of twigs, hay and every other kind of rubbish you could find in a barn laying on the ground. She tried to wake her mum… she was so scared… She took a few more steps back and she soon backed to a barn column, treading a thin border where guilt and depression meet. Both of those things were too strong to prevail, so she started crying bittlerly. She had to sit down, and she covered her face with her hands as she whimpered faintly.

''I killed her… I killed the poor child… She was just looking for protection so she ran towards me. And I killed her…''

Something flew through the barn doors, breaking them into a thousand pieces, and it fell on the ground and continued to slide for a few more yards. Sera looked up but it was all a blur, watching through her tears. There were two figures, one lying on the ground, defeated and crushed and a fuzzy, intimidating and scary shape standing at the place where the barn doors were.

===//\\===
===\\//===

Attaris walked in, breathing slowly and deeply, feeling a bit faint from using a power that he recently divulged. The barn was burning, the smoke hovered about nine feet from the ground, and it appeared like it didn't have anywhere to go. Att saw Ori clearly though, and concluded that the crash must've knocked her out… but there were another two corpses in the barn. He dashed to the one that was lying near the center of the floor, the one in the light blue dress. He was shocked, speechless and on the edge of raging madness as he moved the hair from the girl's face to reveal her pale skin, whose only colour came from the yellow-reddish glow of the flames around the barn walls. There was the woman that held her hand in the yard as well, killed in the same way as The Chief was, but what shocked him the most was the round hole in the child's chest and the bloody spear that was lying on the ground in the dirt and hay. He couldn't believe it… It was Sera's spear, he saw her come into the barn…

Suddenly he heard her cry in the corner of the barn, sitting against a column. ''I didn't mean to… she came behind me… I thought it was one of the ghouls…''

Attaris turned his head to see Sera crying a river of diamond-shining tears, being eaten by her own guilt and conscience. He felt a tear freezing on his cheek as he walked furiously towards her, then grabbed her neck and lifted her a whole foot off the ground. His voice was turning deeper now, echoing and beating the eardrums and making you think that he was talking from the bottom of a well… or a river. His wings flapped now and then, crystal clear, and he emanated vapour at an accelerated rate, freezing the ground around him which slowly flown over the corpses, freezing them to the bone, and ascending up the walls until the whole barn morphed from a hellhole to a deep freezer. The whole of the room was so imbued with ice one would think the time stopped for it, corpses eternally preserved and the barn half-burned, but still adamant under the coat of ice.

But Att's mind wasn't as still as the room they were in. He yelled at her for being a murderer, as if she wasn't punishing herself enough, while the ice slowly fluxed through his arm and reached his fingertips, hurting Sera with the sudden cold and making the icy mist flow between his and her skin. He was almost completely out of her mind, his vision now tunnelling and slowly devouring his ratio, his sanity.

''… YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN MORE CAREFUL YOU RECKLESS, MURDEROUS LITTLE…! BAH! I SHOULD TAKE YOUR LIFE, SINCE YOU WERE FREE TO TAKE THE LIFE OF ANOTHER SO EASILY AND CARELESSLY!''

Sera gasped breathlessly, reaching out for him, trying to get some air. He was pressing too hard, and the icy cold touch of his hand hurt her badly, almost as bad as the feeling of her own guilt. She couldn't believe he went insane as well, it was bad enough that she was on the brink of madness herself and now he as well – the gentle one, the one who stood on the walls, on the first line of assault, for all the people that were hiding in the shelters now. But that is why she understood him completely. What was this dreadful world? She killed someone, and now he would kill as well. She felt the power inside him growing with his every fury-filled word, but she also felt that there was a struggle inside him. The powers that had taken his sanity struggled to dominate, as his mind was a strong one, and she felt it clearly. She tried to reach to him one last time before losing breath…

''I… (crackle)… didn't mean to… I'm… sor…''

She looked in his eyes to see if there was any chance of him still being sane and able to stop this madness. And then she wondered if she even wanted to stop him. She killed an innocent, a child for that matter, and she didn't deserve to live anymore.

Attaris suddenly snapped, looked in her eyes blankly and then opened his mouth lightly, as if to moan. His icy eyes slowly turned normal again, going from the solid, deep blue colour to a normal, human blue again. The ice on his face gently pulled back and his skin soon returned to it's normal pale white in place of the previous blue. The dark and sinister tone of his voice also faded away as he whispered to her, looking at himself in wonder.

''No… You don't deserve to die…''

He quickly let her go before staggering back. She finally took a long-awaited deep breath and then panted, clasping and rubbing her neck because of the pain that was only worsened by the coughing while watching Att scream and squirm as his icy armour and wings pulled back into him until he fell down on the ground in his normal form and body, unconscious. She timidly approached him and ran her fingers through his pitch black hair, wiping her tears.

''You had every right to kill me but… damn you… Why do you tend to see good where nobody is looking? You are either a very good man or an idiot.''

There was no responce from him, only the sound of his faint breathing reached her ears. She turned him on his back and suddenly one of the columns on the far end of the barn fell in.

''Let's get out of this shithole…''

She grabbed him under his arms and pulled him out the barn when Malachi and Requiel saw her. Req ran to her and checked Att's pulse, after which she let out a deep sigh.

''I saw the civillians running out, they got to the shelters safely. Seems like Att went through hell, he and Ori got into a huge fight.'' She pointed at the half-ruined walls and the stones and boulders that were lying around in pools of mud, the area around them looked almost as bad as the part beyond the gates, which held corpses of demons and fallen comrades. ''Speaking of which, one of the people that ran out of the barn told me you've got into a fight of your own. How did that end?''

''There were just two… things… like the one that killed Chief. I managed to burn them… but the barn also caught fire.''

''I see…''

Mal looked through the hole where the barn gates were and saw Orifiel's petite body lying on the ground. ''That bitch sure made one hell of a mess. I'm glad Att got her.'' Sera wasn't too happy with the tone of his voice, though she was glad he didn't see the dead mother or the child she accidentally killed. ''She… she isn't dead, just unconscious. We should get her out before the barn collapses.''

Mal looked up at the barn again, as if he was evaluating the situation. ''Nah.'' He holstered his sword and brushed away some dirt off his chainmail. ''If it were me I'd burn the witch. She killed many of our own and she's only a nuisance. I'm sure glad I didn't use my powers. Wouldn't want to end like that nutcase.''

Sera didn't know what to say. She knew that Mal had a point there, but she also killed one human with heat and steel today, and she couldn't afford to let another die in the cold. She leaned Attaris against the wall of a nearby building that was half-destroyed, and then ran into the barn with Req to bring Orifiel out. Malachi just shook his head and took a deep sigh, then crouched in front of unconscious Attaris. His eyes turned grey for a moment, then turned back to normal.

''Hmm…'' He frowned slightly, then tilted his head and decided to sit next to Att.

''You really are one strange kid. I'd kill the witch the moment she started turning nuts, but you held back the whole time.'' He looked at him and chuckled. ''But don't worry, I'll figure you out one day. ''

He sighed and turned his head to see the two girls that carried the unconscious and human-shaped Orifiel towards him.

===//\\===
===\\//===

It was pretty strange for Cassiel, the fortress, the situation and everything else, from people to clothes. Something felt terribly wrong, awkward, artificial. Plus, he was also acting strangely - first he was in such a bloodlust he thought he'd never get out of it, and now he was perfectly calm, dashing up the stairs of an old dusty tower, and the tower sergeant didn't even tell him why. ''You'll see'' was the only answer he received. Finally they got to a small wooden door with some support panels made of iron. The tower sergeant knocked on the door, then immediately opened them and rushed in.

''Kalamar you old trout, there's a major crisis out there! Stop fooling around and give me something I can use against the remaining abominations, or at least something to help my men kill the bastards!''

Cass followed him warily and entered what seemed like an old alchemical laboratory. Bottles, vials, stalls with burners and all sorts of pouches and jars with plants, animals and… well it seemed like human organs to Cassiel. There was a very, very old, fat wizard moving around a desk and working, actually swithing between different sets of chemicals without any logical relation. The mage was dressed in a wide, dark red robes (which were obviously as young as the wizard himself) and wore a small pointy hat which looked quite ridiculous on the meaty mage.

''Quit yer yappin' bro! I've got the stuff right here, and I can tell ya, it's a BLAST!''

He grabbed a pouch from the top shelf, behind some old leather books and sturdy metal vials, opened it and spread some white powder on the table. He then quickly grabbed a straw and took some of that powder in his nose with a quick sniff.

''Whoa! I took the wrong pouch… but… Daaaamn this shit is good… You should try some, it'll relax you…''

The tower sergeant slapped the mage behind the back of his head.

''Stop fooling around you idiot! I'm not going to beat a legion of demons by getting them high on your stuff! Now what's with the Fireflies?''

''Y'know, I've been in this business for a long time, and I didn't get any dough for, what, 6 months? I'm doing no charity work here bro, a mage's got to make a livin'! I can't work on all the potions and stuff while I'm stressed, and guess what, I'm freakin' stressed because I'm broke! That's right! I can't even buy my herbs on the market anymore, I have to send my apprentices to pick flowers and plants for me instead! Most of the time the two good-for-nothings just go pick some 'shrooms and get high. Damn, even if I had money, we have no market anymore! If you could just let me work in peace for…''

The tower sergeant rolled his eyes and slammed on the table with his fist.

''Just… give me… the damned… FIREFLIES!''

The wizard's eyes widened.

''Well alright, alright… t'is cool… no need to get angry at the poor old Kalamar…''

He rubbed his grey beard that grew on his fat chin to clean the unidentified white powder, straightened up his robes and then waddled up to the cupboard that was resting next to a window. He shuffled around his pockets until he found a small key which he used to opet the cupboard, and then picked up a small box with extreme care, as if holding an infant, small and fretful.

''Listen serge'nt, these babies are really dangerous, and by that I mean deadly. The name 'Flies I've given 'em is just a name, they don't use fire or explosive stuff to kill, and they sure ain't flies! They are actually a modified form of…''

''I don't care, you old geezer. Just tell me how to use the stuff and I'll be on my way!''

Cassiel skimmed his eyes over the various objects in the room, from old books and ingredients to living animals in cages and boxes, but what really bothered him was the feeling of being alive he got when he entered the room. It wasn't for the fumes, nor it was the stale air, but it was as if he was dreamy, and now he was one step closer to completely waking up. At one moment he saw a door, which disappeared after a moment. Startled by the discovery he approached the wall where he saw the door. Solid stone. Nothing out of the ordinary. He pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming, but it was useless. Suddenly the door appeared again, but now it was visible for a few seconds more.

''Interesting… Can't say why, but I want to open this door… Something tells me this isn't JUST a door… But should I open it? Hmmm… Who knows what's behind it...''

DP - WHAT IS BEYOND THE MYSTERIOUS DOOR? Feel free to set your imagination loose. :D

Sorry for the rush, the bell rang XD

[The Meaning Of Fear]

Yeah, I kinda noticed the rushedness too. Quite interesting a chapter, but you'll need to go over it to fix some things.

In the second last paragraph, you have it starting in first person then switching to third. Might want to have a look at that.

The strange door seems really suspicious to me. I think he'll have to investigate.

[DeadManWalking]

Rule #58 of all videogames/stories.

If there is a door/button/lever/ladder/valve, always open/push/pull/climb/turn it.

This is a rule that can be applied to real life as well.

[The Meaning Of Fear]

Isn't that rule #54, DMW? (Master's Challenge, hooray! :lol: )

I got you another suggestion too. He should go and get a couple of those fireflies, whatever they are, and THEN com back.

[Cyberworm]

Yeah, sorry about the door, I kinda missed it while translating. :smile:

The DP is: What is beyond the door?

[The Meaning Of Fear]

I say the angel who they first met after signing the contract (can't remember his name) is behind there, doing something sneaky!

[Cyberworm]

Happy New Year in advance, since I'll be away and unable to commune with you lol. BTW, if anyone has a suggestion, please DO COMMENT. It took me a while to post the chappy. :smile: