City of IF

[Mephistopheles]

Warning: This Chapter contains sexual innuendo, mention of penis in various manners, and blasphemy.




A voice shouted out, "Hey Lucy! How are you... Jesus, would you look at that!"

"Look at what?" Thumper watched as a being twisted his head towards him. "Holy Father! That is not cool! Put that away before you poke someone's head off! And you Miss Moppet, how dare you show me something like that! Bad enough that you all convinced me to deceive my father and start indulging in the pleasures of flesh, but that was a guy bunnies pecker! I don't swing that way, damn it. How many times do I have to tell y'all that?"

Jesus stood and walked into the kitchen. Miss Moppet giggled. "He's just cranky cause he ain't got any for a bit now. You got the stuff Lucy?"

"Of course I do, but I am not sure how we are going to retrieve it." Lucy stated.

"What you mean, retireve it?" Johnny the Town Mouse spoke up. "I want my dope, Lucy, don't keep me waiting."

"Well, the dope is inside of Thumper's huge member, but, I never thought to ask how to get it out."

"How'd ya get it in there?" a frog ribbitted out the querry, his gravelly voice seeming to suggest an age that made one wonder why he needed sexual stimulus to begin with.

"Well, Jeremy, the gnomes sorta forced it in by hand."

"Well, stick your paw in there and get out some dope Lucy! How hard is that to figure out?" Johnny seemed very irritable, especially seeing as how his precious dope was so near to hand.

Lucy hopped over to Thumper and began trying to push her paw into Thumper. She finally got it in, but, alas, it was no good. Her lack of thumbs made it so that she could merely feel the bags deep within.

"Ouch! Hey, Lucy, that hurts, stop it, you're just shoving them deeper!" Thumper was feeling very uncomfortable, and his poor head and wanger still ached from the furious hop to this house.

"Here, let me have a go at it," Johnny spoke up. He climbed Thumper's monstrosity, then slid down into the hole. He scurried about, trying to pull a bag free, but they were too heavy for him to lift. He climbed back out, a little moist, but none the worse for the experience.

"No good, Jeremy, I can't get 'em out either."

Jeremy grabbed his fishing tackle from where it leaned against the wall. "I'll fish that dope outta there, by God." Jeremy quickly went to work tying a great big silver hook to the end of his line.

"Get that away from me, you insane little toad! You're not sticking that hook in me! What if you catch my flesh? I never agreed to a Prince Albert." Thumper began to hop around in circles in order to thwart Jeremy's efforts. Jeremy, being an old frog, finally gave up. He stopped chasing Thumper in a circle, a move he immediately regretted. The base of Thumpers greater pole was just he right height, and he smacked Jeremy mid swing, sending the frog flying across the room. Luckily for him, Peter Rabbit was able to hop up and catch him with one paw, preventing the frog from suffering more serious damage. Jeremy staggered about a bit, then finally placed himself on the couch, muttering and shaking his head.

Peter Rabbit spoke up. "How about you go the Gardeners and see what they suggest Lucy? We've all waited this long for our fix, a little longer won't hurt much." Thumper appreciated the fellow bunnies compassion greatly. Lucy nodded, then began to hop away towards the door. Thumper's member immediately began to shrink. The drugs inside began to pull into his body, stretching his stomach out.

"Lucy! No! You can't leave! I'll shrink up if you do that!" Thumper shouted to Lucy just before the door closed behind her. She peeped her head around the door, eyes growing in fear as she saw Thumpers highly extended gut. He now looked like a thirty year old bunny with a bad drinking habit.

"Oi, sorry Thumper, I forgot." Lucy hopped back into the room. Thumper relaxed as his organ began to swell again, relieving the uncomfortable pressure that was building in his stomach.

"It's okay Lucy, but please, don't leave me alone. Can't anyone think of a way to get this out of me?"

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Michael stood before a slightly calmer God. "I'm sorry, Lord, but, umm, the Catholics seem to have figured that we, umm, didn't really need to police heaven, so, I couldn't find anyone to whom the job belongs."

God sighed heavily. "You're kidding right? What, did the Catholics think? That I was truly going to condemn everyone to hell?"

"Well, yes, Lord, they do think along those lines. Oh, not them though, they will be coming here so long as they keep saying enough Hail Mary's and taking the sacrament, but, yeah, everyone else? They are all going to Hell." Michael explained to God.

"How did they get that all wrong? Jesus died to forgive all sins. The only soul that is cast out belongs to Bdevil. I love all My children, even him. I want them all to experience life and then come here, prepared to embrace eternal life. Pacified and not vying with the memories that harmed them on earth." God was silent a moment. Then his brow furrowed, His eyes darkening. "Hey, I put YOU in charge of policing Heaven at the start, Michael! You dare deceive Me before My very eyes?"

"Lord, I can explain, please, wait just a moment!" Michael stammered, attempting to get words out of his mouth, but God cut him off.

"You are as bad a Bdevil Michael! I cast you out of My sight! Join he that decieves all in Hell!" God lifted a finger, and just like that Michael was gone, a single feather floating slowly down to the heavens.

"Father! What have You just done?" Mother wiped a bit of crusty white material from above Her top lip, looking confusedly at Her husband.

"Michael lied to me, so I sent him to hell. Him and Bdevil will have to figure out how to settle things between themselves and get along. They can kill one another, I don't care, either way, I won't deal with liars. Such a lack of respect. That was all I ever wanted, respect."

"Father, You shouldn't have done that. Bdevil and Michael haven't spoken since you had Michael escort him to Hell. Bad Father! No more 'favors' for You!" Mother turned Her back to God, Her shoulders trembling slightly as She cried.

"Mother, what is wrong?" God was very confused. Why would Michaels absence create such sorrow in Mother? Wait...could it be....?

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"So, Dad kicked you out too? Bum deal Michael." Bdevil grinned at Michael, who was currently red with embarrassment as multiple naked spirits danced about him, preening and showing off for him.

"Yeah, well, what are you going to do with me, Bdevil? I don't have any authority over you anymore."

"Really? Cool. But, Michael, I was never upset with you. It was Father's will that you obeyed. I don't begrudge the tool, just the Maker. We're good, man, don't worry. Now, could you do me one favor?"

Michael looked warily at Bdevil. "I'm not gay Bdevil."

Bdevil chuckled. "I know that Mike, you don't mind if I call you Mike do you?" Michael shook his head in negation, still looking worried. "Would you relax a bit? Take a spirit, go out back and have a bit of fun! You're in MY house now, and uptight doesn't work here."

Michael grinned at Bdevil, then grabbed a sprit and headed for the door. He stopped short, turning to look back at Bdevil. "You know, you're really not that bad Bdevil. Thanks." Bdevil nearly nodded, then beckoned to three spirits, who giggled as they followed him up to his room. This is so perfect! Bdevil thought to himself. Soon, things should work out perfectly.


Okay, so it has been a long while. So, how do we get the dope out of Thumper? What is in God's mind concerning His wife's misery? Hope you all still have the interest to comment! Sorry for the delay.

[Cyberworm]

Welcome back Messy. :)

A good one there, got a chuckle out of me with the Potter characters. And now, I'd say they fill Thumper with water until he launches the dope out. Father would think that Mother and Mike had an affair... :grin:

[D-Lotus]

Or, Thumper could ejaculate. The dope would be a bit gooey, but it's in bags, so it's ok.

[Hak]

I'd say get the dinosaur back over there, and then get the bags out. I agree with Cyber in saying that Mother had an affair.

I'm curious as to what Bdevil's planning... *settles down to wait impatiently for the next chapter*

[Crunchyfrog]

Well, Meph, you have excelled yourself in the careful research you have done into Potter characters, :rofl:

Excellent! :D

Right. Well, the dinosaur seems the obvious choice to relieve Thumper's plight. Although the drugs may end up getting 'transferred' somewhere else. *ahem*.

Oh, I F5 the suggestion of an affair.

My interest is rather in what plots Michael and Bdevil are likely to devise, to get back at Father.

:)

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[Mephistopheles]

I am seeing a trend developing here. you all want thumper to ejaculate the dope out, huh? what if Jesus were a monkey? does that inspire any more ideas?

[Chinaren]

mm. I'm not feeling so great just now, so I can't think of anything else to add to the above.

Good one Messo.

[Mephistopheles]

okay, well, after a bit of internal debate, I have decided to head to poll now

so...enjoy the poll! oh, and by the way...I would prefer to not have to figure this out myself, because I might just combine all three options :)

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[Mephistopheles]

sorry Z, added yours into poll. didn't mean to forget that. you can vote for yours now :)

[Mephistopheles]

The time to vote draws short. Please place your vote soon!

[Syranore]

I find this story very disturbing, and yet I cannot stop reading. Seeing as I cannot wrap my mind around this story, I think the decision is best left to you.