City of IF

[Scheherazade]

A while ago, I found this in my English binder from last year; it was a demand piece, but I liked the result. I fixed it up a little, and here it is.

...I'd give a fable prize to whoever is able to guess what's happening, but I don't actually have any fables so I can't. You can guess anyway, though.
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Darkness. Pure, primordial night, unsullied by anything but a slight reflection - faint, glimmering, as stars in the deep, inky blackness. Now - zoom out. A bright band of colour leaps over the horizon; sea greens and forest ocher compete on a background of small, vivid splashes and streaks of violet and an ocean of pale, soothing green. These colours form a pattern - traveling out from the center, they link and split, seemingly randomly, forming an overall picture that brings the word 'synapses' to the forefront of the consciousness. Further out, now. White. Not the dead, blank white of new snow, but the living white of new milk. Vast expanses of whiteness, rolling meadows, smooth and unbroken except for the occasional, light vein of crimson near the corners. Now, further out still, it can be seen that the white does have borders after all. It is circular - no, spherical, for now that the whole is seen the white forms half a ball, with the inky darkness on the center. Looking out further still, it can be seen that the whiteness is both a border and bordered - its encasement is a pale, pinkish-beige colour, turning abruptly blood-red on what little is visible on the inner side. But - look! An oddity to top all the previous oddities; long, thin, black stalks are standing on both the upper and lower lips of the border. Beyond that, there is no end to the pitted, bumpy surface, no cessation to the vibrant pinkish colour. Now - quickly! There is change! Watch as the borders move - imperceptibly slowly, first dull white disappearing, then vibrant colour, then all but a crack, a slice of each, then -

Stillness. Peace. A sense of wonder, that such a miracle could be. Gratitude, for being allowed to witness such an astonishing act.

Peace.

[Christalnightshade]

Either your discribing the sky at nightfall, dawn and twilight or your discribing your soul.

[Crunchyfrog]

It's somebody's eyeball. I'll try to get to doing a crit during the week. :)


(edit to add:)

Critique now available HERE

[Tipico]

i have a carpet that looks like that

[Christalnightshade]

Was it... nevermind...*.* Does this mean your back? ...I can think of many reasons...

[Adalia]

I F5 Crunchy. It's must be an eye. Nicely written, by the way.

[Christalnightshade]

yea, now I see it, it's an eye, no lips has hair...so it's an eye.

[Scheherazade]

yay! good job crunchy! and thanks very much for the crit. :)
and thanks, adalia =)