City of IF

[theend]

Chapter 1: The nosy stranger

T eenage stowaway Jack Stormhawk gazed out at the open sea and smiled. Only hours ago, he was at mercy of nasty mermaids-the merfolk, they called themselves-who were holding his crew hostage. He'd escaped from the merfolk and saved his crew, and now they were on their way to securing one of the Caribbean’s greatest treasures- the magical sword of Cortez!

At least that was what Jack thought they were well on their way. That was until their tiny boat- the barnacle -hit a snag.
"Whoa!" Jack shouted, grabbing onto a mast. The crew was thrown forward as the ship came to an abrupt stop.
"Tumen! Jean!" Jack called out to two of his crewmates angrily. "Did anyone tell you to drop anchor? And by anyone i mean me, myself, or I. Savvy?"

The two young sailors just shrugged.
" We are not anchored, Jack" Jean said, still looking a bit dazed from the boat's sudden stop.
"Then we must have hit a reef" Jack surmised "Survey the ship, at once!"
"Um, Jack pardon the wee interruption," Jack's first mate, Arabella said. " But it seems that were not stuck in a reef at all, unless reefs breathe and move around."
Jack's eyes nearly popped out of his head as he looked overboard. The barnacle was stuck right in the side of...something. And that something was clearly alive! The creature began to squirm. And before the crew could even think about reacting, the monster had reared itself up, hurling the barnacle back into the water.
"What is that thing?" Fitzwilliam P. Dalton III, Jack's aristocratic crewmate asked, regaining his composure and drawing his sword
" Beats me, chap," Jack responded.
As the beast rose up from the water, there seemed to be no end to it. Nor any shape, just a big moving blob. And kept rising and rising and rising from the water.

Jean ran to Constance- a cat who he claimed is his sister that’s under a spell- and gathered her up in her arms. He was clearly shaken from Mr. glob-face over there rose over the sun, casting a shadow over the small boat.
Arabella tuned to Fitzwilliam.
"You'd best put that sword away," she said. "Were ye to use it on this monster would have the same effect of a pin sticking ye."
He is rather large" Jack said flatly " Of course that means he has a large nose somewhere."
"What?" Fitzwilliam asked condescendingly.
"Of what possible consequence could that be?"
Jack winked at Fitzwilliam and smiled.
Then Jack paced back and forth on the deck. He scanned the beast, looking for a place the head could be on the giant, squirming blob. Then, quite suddenly the face emerged right in front of him, it’s terrible eyes and mouth took up the whole length of the barnacle , and its terrible nose did too!
Jack smiled and drew his sword
" Jack! I told ye a sword will do nothing to this beast!" Arabella shouted.
Jack stopped short at the broadside, leaned over, and began to up his sword over his nostrils ever so gently. The beast opened his mouth wider and wide as the crew and below deck in terror. Then, a great roar came from the beast, and followed by an unearthly gust of wind. The wind caught the sails, propelling it out into the seas and far away from the beast.
"No idea a boat could travel so fast," Jack said. "I like it!" he smiled.
When the boat finally slowed, the crew emerged from below the deck. The deck, and jack was covered in slime. The sun was shining again. And most important, there was not a sea monster in sight.
"This slime is disgusting," Fitzwilliam, said, careful not to get any on him.
"And it smells" Jean said
"Were did it come from? And were is that wretched creature?" Arabella asked.
Jack just smiled and wiped his slimy hand on his pants.
"Never mind," he said, marveling at how messy a sea monster sneeze would really be.
"Suffice it to say the threat has past. And now... continue to isle Fortuna! There is a sword with my err- our name on it!"

[Syranore]

First of all, slow down. Take some time to lengthen out the story, put some detail, ect. Secondly, try to run your story through a spell-check before you post it. Anyway, this story could get quite interesting if you took a little more time with it.

[Mephistopheles]

I f5 Snore. With a bit of effort and time in telling the tale, it could be quite good. don't let our criticism get you down though and stop you from trying again! :) Look forward to seeing the next chapter!

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sorry, I forgot to run it through word... and I can't think of ways to make it longer right now... thats why I need youre help! (not in grammar or misspelling, ill get that part)

[theend]

There, all fixed up!

[theend]

didja forget 'bout this SG people?

[Chinaren]

I think we're waiting for the first chapter, and the decision point!