City of IF

Lilith · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1099

Well, I don't suppose they'll hit him if he tells'em that he's just run AWAY from the priest, cause frankly, he's a bit creepy.

So, tell'em the truth.. but try and leave out the time bit.. just say that he's got really good reflexes. :P

Christalnightshade · Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 4:30 am Post subject:

Lilith wrote: Well, I don't suppose they'll hit him if he tells'em that he's just run AWAY from the priest, cause frankly, he's a bit creepy.

So, tell'em the truth.. but try and leave out the time bit.. just say that he's got really good reflexes. :P

May I qoute you... ok... I f5 lilith.

NeverNeverGirl · Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 1:26 am Post subject:

one thing

Quote: “We finally did Matt. We got dirt!” Mathew swallowed hard on the piece he was chewing.

We finally did it?

I think you are doing a great job - this chappie might be a tad short but i think it was a necessary segueway. Good job with bringing the famine etc into the foreground of the story!

DP? He tells them that he has been found to be an elementalist but doesnt reveal his 'type' until he grows to trust them...

mutual bonding time!

Head Eater · Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 1:38 am Post subject:

Verrrrry good Gallant. You havvve been deemed worrrrrrthy.

Ensssssssssurrrrre you maintain your SSSSSSSSG.

LordoftheNight · Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5241 Location: Hell

Quote: Clive grabbed David by the back of his neck.

“Are you a spy? And you better answer honestly.”

One point - who actually asks questions like that? I mean, if he is a spy, he's still going to lie to them regardless of them telling him to 'answer honestly'.

He should lie full out - don't let them know he's anything special. If he has to, make up something about the Priest calling him up to punish him, rather than testing him.

Gallant · Joined: 02 Mar 2008 Posts: 172 Location: New Zealand

Polls up guys! :D

Traveller · Joined: 02 Apr 2008 Posts: 122 Location: Kimberley, BC

I said he should tell the truth...I think it will take the combined powers of these 3 young boys to vanquish the creepy old priest...I do think the truth for David might be a little misleading...as if he doesn't really understand the situation but Clive will find a way to combine their powers into something spectacular...good job Gallant...look forward to more...-T.

Smee · Joined: 16 Oct 2004 Posts: 4314 Location: UK

Hey Gal,

We've discussed your story in chat, so I won't repeat it all here. But I will reiterate the need to pace your story better and double/triple check for those silly little errors.

Show us the world. I have very little understanding as to where Clive is at the moment, yet wherever it is David has just strolled in. So can't Clive and his brother just leave the same way? :?

I've voted for tell the truth... if only to get some answers perhaps.

Happy Writing :)

Dean · Joined: 24 Apr 2008 Posts: 77 Location: Seoul

I voted for truth, same reasons as Smee. Still unsure about the setting myself too. Anyways, the truth often leads to interesting results, so go with that.

Head Eater · Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 10:31 pm Post subject:

As the Head Eater thwacks a bob, he wonders why GallantssSSss head is not on his plate.