City of IF

Lilith · Posted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 3:08 am Post subject:

WARNING! THIS CHAPTER HAS STRONG LANGUAGE! NOT FOR THE ONES WITH PARENTS OVER THEIR SHOULDERS OR WHO HAVE NEVER, EVER HEARD A CURSE WORD IN THEIR LIFE!

A SIDE NOTE! THIS STORY IS BUILT ON THE SILLY RUMOURS AND THINGS THAT GO ON IN IF AND IN THE INN! IF, FOR ANY REASON, THE JOKE THAT IS MADE IN A CHAPTER ABOUT YOUR IFIAN PERSONA YOU CAN'T TAKE... THEN GET OVER IT AND DON'T READ THE STORY. THIS STARTED OFF AS FUN AND WILL REMAIN SO AS LONG AS I HAVE PEOPLE WHO ARE GOOD SPORTS WITH THEIR SENSES OF HUMOR!

Chapter 6: Three Women and... a Hunchback?

“What the hell is going on here? ” Cy demanded, struggling against his restraints, seeing how much give they had, which was some but not much. He watched the figure come ever closer and then noticed that there were more figures behind the first. “Who are all of you ?”

The first figure stepped into the light, and Cy could make out wraith-like features but obviously masculine. He read the pin on the man’s lapel. NU. NEWBIES UNITED! OH SHIT! Cy struggled more as the first figure approached ever closer.

“Struggling is futile, we will get what we want.” Another voice, this time female, sounded from the building crowd in the room.

“And what the hell is it that you want?” Cyberworm snapped back, his human hologram flickering slightly.

“Revenge for all the n00bs scared off in the Inn... and we shall have it.. NOW ” The first speaker plunged the blade at Cy’s chest.

Unfortunately, the blade bent as it hit the metal casing surrounding Cy’s technologically advanced innards. Cyberworm laughed nervously, greatly relieved they didn’t have a blade that would pierce him. Then he got an idea and headbutted the confused leader when he got too close.

Cy caught and held the leader in his feet, one foot positioned to crush his windpipe. “Now, release me or I kill him. You have until I count to five.. 1, 2,...”

The female that had spoke earlier made a choked noise and moved forward, key in hand, her eyes glaring at Cy with hatred. “The Newbies United will have their revenge one day, I can promise that,” she spat at him as she inserted the key into his restraints and released him. Cy simply glared back at her and then gave her a smirk.

“Yes, I’m sure they will...” He said as he snapped the leader’s neck in between his now free feet and leapt from the table, snagging his clothes from the chair they had been laid on while the wraith-esque people moaned and lamented their leader’s demise.

As he left the house, he spotted Dark and Plates chatting up the blonde he had screwed the fuck out of earlier. He frowned slightly, smoothed his hair back into place as he adjusted the hastily pulled on trousers and buttoned up his shirt; he approached with caution as he had just pissed this girl off.

“Oy, Cy!” Plates had noticed Cy’s approach and waved him over.

The blonde stopped giggling and fondling the Dark and eyed Cy warily. “I’m not working with him in the group too.. It’s you two only, hear me?” She snipped at Plates.

Cy sniffed at the blonde. “Please, once was enough with you.”

“Hmphf ”

Dark felt the girl up and whispered, “Now, now.. Be nice.. The Dark will make sure that you are properly looked after..”

“Come on you two, we need to find Muddy since this girl lied to me about his whereabouts..” Cy glowered at the girl; he didn’t take too kindly to attempts on his life.

“Oh fine, but what was I supposed to tell you? He’s been outta town for awhile now, nobody knows where he is, don’tcha know.” The blonde popped her bubble gum, her little booty shorts sliding up her crack, giving her the wedgie she just couldn't get with her thongs, as she bent over to fix a strap on her shoe.

Cy sighed and shook his head as Plates’ head bent with the girl’s ass and back up again. “Fine, we’ll be on our way.” He made to leave as the Dark nodded once and moved to go too, tugging on Plates’ arm.

“Oh say hi to Lily for me.. Haven’t seen her around anymore since she went out with that Lordy guy a couple times, ‘bout a year ago. I heard she got made a queen or somefink. Same with that Neeners girl too... She and Cren must’ve hit it off big time.” The blonde smiled, popped her gum and waved at the three shocked males.

“What,”

“The”

“Hell?”

**********************************************

Phang, Solus and Lily stood in front of Lordy's door, panting. They'd had a run in with some harpies, who were pissy since Messy hadn't come home to attend to their needs, and Lordy's vicious, skinless guard dogs. They had managed to get rid of them by running over a lava pit on a rickety bridge, but it had taken a lot of energy and time. They eyed the door apprehensively, the demonic faced door knocker completely creeping them out.

Phang elbowed Lily forward. “Go on, go in.”

“Why me?!” Lily whined as she scooted back.

“You slept with him.”

“So did you, duh.”

“Oh you two just shut up!” Solus hissed at them both and forced the door open with a mighty shove.

As the door banged against the opposite wall, a very surprised Smudger shuffled into the entry way. “What are you ladies doing here? His lordship has not summoned you for his pleasure.” Smudger rasped, approaching the girls with a confused look in his eye.

Lily scoffed, “Cut the shit, Smudger, we aren’t here to see Lordy.”

“No, we’re actually here to see you, Smudgey.” Solus’s voice took a sweet tone as she gave Phang and Lily a work-with-me-here look. Solus then sidled up to Smudger, laying her hand softly on his arm, leading him to a rather large armchair that was Lordy’s favorite perch.

Phang and Lily glanced at each other once but had to look away quickly before they busted out into laughter and ruined the plan. Then they both approached the chair, adjusted their tops to be more cleavage revealing and knelt at the sides while Solus sweet-talked Smudger.

“Smudgey,” Solus murmured, her lips practically on his ear lobe, “has anyone ever told you how ruggedly... attractive you are?”

Smudger dropped the cup he was polishing and let himself be forced to sit down as Phang put a hand on his chest, leaning him into the back of the chair gently. “We’ve all watched you serve, so quietly under Lordy... and we whisper among ourselves about how much hotter you were than that overgrown bug.”

The hunchback began to hyperventilate as Lily leaned back against the arm of the chair and draped herself across Smudger’s lap and winked at him. “What are you waiting for, big boy? Pick one or all three of us and we’ll go defile your master’s bedchambers.” She ran her tongue across her lips and rubbed one knee against the other suggestively.

After shaking his head very violently, Smudger stated, “What’s the catch? I know you three... What’s in it for you?”

Solus took over murmuring in his ear again. “Oh just a little tiny tidbit of information to be divulged is all...” She ran her forefinger playfully up and down his arm.

Phang whispered in his other ear, her tongue practically coating his ear in saliva. “Just who Lordy’s suppliers are in OF, and how we might get in contact with them.”

Smudger stood up out of the chair quickly, dumping Lily unceremoniously on the floor.

“Ouch! Goddammit..” Lily swore.

“No, no, no, no, no... I cannot tell you that. He will kill me.... or worse, take away my cheese.” Smudger began to shuffle towards the still open door. “Out with you vixens, out!”

Solus crossed the room quickly, reaching a hand out to grope Smudger’s front as Phang slithered up from behind and gave Smudger’s ass a firm feel. “If you don’t tell us, then your master may die from the illness that has nabbed several other IFians. Then he will haunt you till the end of your days, Smudger.” Solus spoke swiftly but kept a light tone to her voice.

Finally, Smudger sighed and held out a card, which Lily plucked neatly from his hands after she had gotten up from her tumble on the floor. “Thanks Smudger.” She gave Smudger a cheeky wink and waved goodbye to Solus and Phang as she unfurled her wings and flew out the doorway at the topmost speed she could muster.

As the dust settled from Lily’s departure, Smudger slammed the door shut and threw the deadbolt, eyeing Phang and Solus with a look reminiscent of his master. He then darted forward and took both Phang’s and Solus’s wrists in his vice-like grip and began to lead them down a set of stairs hidden behind a bookshelf.

“Come on ladies, there’s a new toy down here that his lordship hasn’t tried out yet.. Let’s go find out how it works, eh?” Smudger let out a high-pitched giggle as he clamped heavy shackles around their wrists at the bottom of the stairs.

Solus held up her hands and looked at the shackles sadly. “I hate her..”

Phang hissed in agreement. “Damn that fairy,”

**************************************

Lily pulled out her phone as she flew and dialed the number on the card.

“Hello?” A voice on the other end sounded like it smoked three packs a day.

“Neurosis?”

“Who wants to know?”

“I’ve gotten your number from an old-time client of yours, a Mr. Night ring any bells?”

There was a shuffling of papers and a clearing of the speaker’s throat. “You don’t say, (cough, hack, cough) well, what can I do for you?”

“I think you and I need to have a talk, Mr. Neurosis.”

“Well then, where do you propose we have this discussion, little lady? And how many of you IFians are gonna be around. I know for a fact that if you got my number from Mr. Night, he must be indisposed.”

Clue one, Lily thought.

“Hmmm... give me a moment and I’ll call you back.” Lily shut her phone and landed softly on the streets of Jester Park.

What to do?

Alright you hooligans... Lily's gotta figure out a safe place to meet this guy and figure out if he spiked the whiskey. And does she need back-up and if so, who? HAVE AT IT!

PS. VOTE FOR VENGEANCE IN SGOTM! WOO!

Cyberworm · Posted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 3:37 am Post subject:

*looks to the left*

*looks to the right*

No Newbs here... phew...

Psst! I think she should meet him at Skiffville, in a Horror section where some folks can even set an ambush for him... yay! *runs off from a NU girl*

dinranwen · Guest

*smiles* I would love to know who got me out of my cage...I'm just dying with thankfullness. *chuckles* As for the story, An Ofian won't come into IF...obviously because well....they wouldn't live for a minute...but Lily can't very well head to OF either...so how about somewhere in between maybe....I don't know hit me up when I have idearium to spare.

Lilith · Posted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 7:30 am Post subject:

Quote: *smiles* I would love to know who got me out of my cage...I'm just dying with thankfullness. *chuckles*

I'm leaving that tale for SOMEONE else to weave into a different IF Tale. *cough* BIG HINT HERE! *cough*

LordoftheNight · Guest Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5276 Location: Hell

dinranwen wrote: *smiles* I would love to know who got me out of my cage...I'm just dying with thankfullness. *chuckles* As for the story, An Ofian won't come into IF...obviously because well....they wouldn't live for a minute...but Lily can't very well head to OF either...so how about somewhere in between maybe....I don't know hit me up when I have idearium to spare.

I don't know - there's been OFians wondering around IF before now.

The first pat of the new chapter was a bit off Lily - seemed far too simple. The other two were much better.

The White Blacksmith · Guest Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2629

Lilith wrote: Phang, Solus, and Lily stood in front of Lordy’s door, panting after a run across a rickety bridge over lava while been chased by harpies that were pissy since Messy hadn’t come home to attend to their needs and the vicious guard dogs with no skin that were Lordy’s pets. They eyed the door apprehensively, the demonic faced door knocker completely creeping them out.

That sentence runs on far too much. Try

Phang, Solus and Lily stood in front of Lordy's door, panting. They had had a run in with some harpies, who were pissy since Messy hadn't come home to attend to their needs, and Lordy's vicious, skinless guard dogs. They had managed to get rid of them by running over a lava pit on a rickety bridge, but it had taken a lot of energy and time.

I would say she meets in Fantasy Forest. It forms the boundary of If and it's Lily's home territory. I would say she gets a back-up from the guys Phang was in charge of, or gets Gall, Waxy and Tav together to cover her back.

Lilith · Posted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 5:13 pm Post subject:

Thanks for pointing that out Whitey. :) Fixed.

NeverNeverGirl · Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 2:39 am Post subject:

okay just a brief read of that one - had to catch up. Theres some chapter issues i will get back to later (another post later maybe).

point A... i OWN a Gentleman's club not work in one ;) (though lol on that sit)
2.... Ren? Now that is an interesting twist... did i miss something?
c.... warning on the chapter for language?

oh yeah and i think you should have named the Newbs (btw you say n00bs and newbs - those are entirley different yeah? so maybe just chedk you havent lost something in the translation!) *cough* Noni *cough* lol

DP >> Sergei says the caves from hangover may be just the place - its where he drops off the stuff....

Lilith · Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 10:23 am Post subject:

Alright Never.. see the newly added warning below that I will be placing at the top of each chapter from now on.

Quote: WARNING! THIS CHAPTER HAS STRONG LANGUAGE! NOT FOR THE ONES WITH PARENTS OVER THEIR SHOULDERS OR WHO HAVE NEVER, EVER HEARD A CURSE WORD IN THEIR LIFE!

A SIDE NOTE! THIS STORY IS BUILT ON THE SILLY RUMOURS AND THINGS THAT GO ON IN IF AND IN THE INN! IF, FOR ANY REASON, THE JOKE THAT IS MADE IN A CHAPTER ABOUT YOUR IFIAN PERSONA YOU CAN'T TAKE... THEN GET OVER IT AND DON'T READ THE STORY. THIS STARTED OFF AS FUN AND WILL REMAIN SO AS LONG AS I HAVE PEOPLE WHO ARE GOOD SPORTS WITH THEIR SENSES OF HUMOR!

Crunchyfrog · Guest Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 3998

What safer place than the ASS Hole? Well, not in it, but near it. If he's looking too dangerous, select some heavy IFians to nudge him down the hole.

:)

The White Blacksmith · Guest Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2629

Perhaps the NU have put a tag in Cy, or a bug in his system, and are tricking him? No organisation that's truly out for revenge would give up like that - any leader who's weak enough to get killed so easily doesn't deserve to be leader.

Lilith · Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 3:38 pm Post subject:

Polls up people! Vote please!

Guest · Guest

Just to let you know... I can't wait for the next chapter of V and that I voted for fantisy forest and the tavern. ^^

Crunchyfrog · Guest Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 3998

Welcome to your new forum, Lilith!

:)

NeverNeverGirl · Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 3:16 pm Post subject:

i vote sergei! Sergei will save me!
i mean um us... yes us..

he he

*runs*

sir wax · Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 9:35 am Post subject:

NeverNeverGirl wrote: i vote sergei! Sergei will save me!
i mean um us... yes us..

No, no Ne. You should know by now that two semi-retarded knights (this one especially) and a bumbling dragon eater are more qualified to come to the rescue. :smile: Silly, silly Neeners.

Congrats on SGotM Lily! Hope you like it here in the hot seat. We will all be watching you, hanging on your every mistake. :-D j/k.

Sincerely,
SirWaxaLot

Crunchyfrog · Guest Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 3998

Just recording the results of the poll in case splitting the topic loses it... ;)

Quote: Where to hold the discussion?
Skiffyville, horror section, with Phang's old crew in ambush
22% [ 2 ]
Fantasy Forest, Gall, Waxy, and Tav are the back-up crew
33% [ 3 ]
Caves from HangOver I, Sergei (the armory supplier) is waiting with a shipment
22% [ 2 ]
The ASS Hole.
11% [ 1 ]
Head into OF (in a disguise) without back-up, deal with this quietly and quickly.
11% [ 1 ]

Total Votes : 9
Who Voted: Chinaren, Christalnightshade, Crunchyfrog, Cyberworm, Harley, Mastermind, Mephistopheles, NeverNeverGirl, sir wax

Lilith · Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 3:12 pm Post subject:

Thanks CF, you're a doll. Everyone, please be patient for me.. and feel free to speculate who's next on my "list"! MUAHAH!

scissorkitty · Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 9:38 am Post subject:

This is great! I just happened to stumble across this little story tucked away here.. but it's excellent!

Loads of mischief! Just the way I like it.

Wouldn't the border of IF and OF technically just be F? Would that be neutral ground?