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The Dark
Joined: 05 Nov 2007
Posts: 108
Location: Tome.
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Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 12:52 am Post subject: The Dark chapter 15 - The Fall. |
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This is a tale both gross, foul and more,
With violence and blood galore.
It includes sexual scenes too, oh so bad,
Some swearing too, just a tad,
So if you are weak at the knees,
Or a minor, then please,
Return to a nicer place,
Before you are corrupted by what your eye sees.
This has been a badly composed poetic Dark warning. Thank you for your attention.
Chapter 16. The Fall.
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The Dark
Joined: 05 Nov 2007
Posts: 108
Location: Tome.
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Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 12:54 am Post subject: |
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And so The Dark comes to a quivering close. There shall be a short epilogue soon, and then the tale will be done.
Thank you for reading.
Comments, of course, welcome. |
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Smee
Joined: 16 Oct 2004
Posts: 5215
Location: UK
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Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 2:04 am Post subject: |
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Great finale Darky. I enjoyed it alot.
The poem... don't give up the night job. ;)
:clap: Congratulations for finishing a SG, and a very good one at that. A worthy achievement for anyone.
Happy Writing :) |
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The Meaning Of Fear
Joined: 06 May 2006
Posts: 980
Location: In a deep, dark corner of the universe, plotting.
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Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 3:13 pm Post subject: |
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Very nice, although I did expect a bit more.
You'll be doing a sequel, right? After all, if you weren't, there'd be no point in leaving The Dark alive...
Quote: came the infuriation voice as the clip ran dry
infuriating? |
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Chinaren
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Posts: 8878
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
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Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 4:21 pm Post subject: |
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The Dark did say there would be an epilogue Meany.
Well done there Dark old fellow. o-) |
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NeverNeverGirl
Joined: 18 Jun 2007
Posts: 1216
Location: dreaming away of tomorrows to come
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Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 8:22 pm Post subject: |
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no
no
no
noo
mooo
oops i mean
noooooooo
okay - heres the thing. The details of the story - i dont have ENOUGH!
How did he get in the book? Was he a human once? How did Ice fall in love with him!
How did .. did.. did... everything... come on! I demand a Prequel, Sequel and lots more other than an Epilogue! :( |
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The Dark
Joined: 05 Nov 2007
Posts: 108
Location: Tome.
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Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 5:50 am Post subject: |
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Some of those answers may come out in the epilogue, Ms. Never. Others, well, some things will ever remain a mystery.
The Dark is planning another Gloom adventure. Watch this space. The Dark still has more filth within him, ready to spurt forth and stain the carpet. |
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D-Lotus
Joined: 21 Oct 2004
Posts: 4123
Location: Hollywood, USA
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Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 10:46 am Post subject: |
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Great ending overall. This is one of my all-time favorite storygames.
Maybe the concept of the devil dampened the intense ending a bit for me, because I thought it was going too far. If the devil exists, then so do God and the angels, and though I don't have a problem with that, most authors tend to utilize pre-concieved notions of heaven and hell in their stories. Dante's Inferno was a notable exception, but usually I dislike stories that delve into such a topic in a banal fashion. Especially if the author must resort to capitalization and bold words to express the might of pure evil.
On the other hand, I might be reading too seriously. Humor pervades your story, and I should not expect any less of this inferno scene. If you wrote this last section humoristically, then I apologize for my lack of intuition and retract my judgment.
By the way, what happened to Ice? Did Gloom's kick kill her? |
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Chinaren
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Posts: 8878
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
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Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 4:41 pm Post subject: |
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Quote: Great ending overall. This is one of my all-time favorite storygames.
Wow! High praise indeed there from D, Dark! I hope you know how rare that is! You must tell me your writing secrets, as D-Lotus always brutally tears my stories apart! ;) |
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D-Lotus
Joined: 21 Oct 2004
Posts: 4123
Location: Hollywood, USA
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Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 5:24 pm Post subject: |
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I do it because I care, Cren; you know that. Also, it would help if your stories didn't come in those irresistible 'easy-tear' packages. o-) |
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Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 1:44 am Post subject: |
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Mephistopheles
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Joined: 24 May 2007
Posts: 612
Location: Not where I want to be.
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Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 2:10 am Post subject: |
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Very well done Dark. Perhaps a bit too Dante-ish...red rock instead of was it sand or water?...I don't recall right now, but still....very well writ. congrats on the completion of an excellently morbid and twisted tale!
I hope to see the sequel...and hope that it exceeds this works tasteful depravity. |
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