City of IF

[Novelest_Ninjagirl]

Prologue The timid angel crept into the dark room, his fluttery wings pressed close to his back. His boss was sleeping in his quarters, and had strictly left orders he was not to be awakened. Fluttering his wings lightly, he couldn't help but chuckle softly to himself. That was a lie, few angels as old as his boss actually had need for sleep. He just liked telling people he wasn't to be disturbed.
"Sir?"
"What is it Teveris?"
"It's- well- there is a dire problem."
"Which angel lost their charge?"
"I-it's not that sir."
"Show me then."

Another angel, this one with much larger and better trained wings, slid from the shadowed recesses of his room, and walked to the scrawny newyoun, what everyone termed those recently 'born' or , in most cases, human newly dead. Looking down at him as he lead the way to the Seestone, a large sheet of glass that looked down to earth. Expecting them to stop by it, The bulky angel slowed, but the scrawny one moved on. they instead stopped in the room past, a wide excess of wispy white cloud, where one of his best guardians sat, wings bloody and damaged.

His name was Rev, and he was known for protecting his charges against all odds, without pampering them. His sat, ravaged and bloody, his normal gleaming white robes tainted by the blood of- no- it was his own blood. Feathers still fell, one by one, from the angels wings, and his eyes were closed, the wondrously golden face etched in pain.

The bulky angel, Dom, watched his friend with agony. Unlike normal angels, his friend, and he, were guardians, and therefore, had never been human. Due to this, they never felt pain, and never were wounded, never even scratched, no paper cuts, no blood, anything. To see an angel dying from anything other then thousands of years was an unheard of idea, but his friend seemed dangerously close to it. Bending down, he placed a hand on his tanned arm, before speaking.

"What the hell happened?!" Angels were not, nor have they ever been, afraid to curse.

"Invisibility, invincibility, both gone, both gone. Demons- humans- both see, and both see each other. We are in grave danger my friend. The guardians cannot-" Here he burst out coughing up blood. Watching intently, Dom looked down at his friend. He wasn't gone, but he would no doubt be in sleep for a few months to heal. He had to gather the guardians. Even the untrained.



Okay, hope y'all liked it! I'm already working ont he first chapter, so stay on your toes!

[Phantomfan]

Wow... noni.
This is awesome!! Really cool idea- I can't WAIT to see the next chapter!

[shy_blu_eyes]

Great start Noni, just a few technical notes...

Quote: but hte scrawny moved on

I think you mean "but the scrawny one moved on".

Quote: Ebnding down, he placed a hand o his tanned arm, before speaking.

Bending, on.

Quote: Watching attently, Dom

intently or attentively

Quote: Here he burst out caughing up blood.

This reads a little akward, also coughing

Lastly, it's guardians. This is misspelled a couple of times.

The hook is good, as is the pacing and the suspense. Already you've established the angels as something close too, but not quite, the steriotype we expect. I look forward to reading more!

[DeadManWalking]

This is a rather cool concept.

Can't wait for the next segment.

[Novelest_Ninjagirl]

Chapter 1

Adaya sighed lightly and glanced out the window. The fluttering wings, they shoving hands, the excited whispers that weren’t as quiet as they should be, all of these were signs of worry, curiosity, and most noticeably, interest.

Word had somehow gotten around that the guardian angels had lost their invisibility, which caused quite an uproar amongst both normal angels and guardian angels. To tackle the problem of being seen on earth, a meeting had been called to all of the guardian angels. Which had, unfortunately, included her.

She stepped out of the small home assigned to her, and glanced around her at her home, heaven. Heaven was everything the humans made it out to be, bright white, small building atop fluffy clouds, fluttering angels flying to and fro. Though, it wasn’t all happy homes for angels. There were several large white buildings that housed secrets not even the arch angels knew. Or her, for that matter.

Shaking her head of aimless thoughts, Adaya turned and started walking, something most angels didn’t do, towards a large white building that could be related to a humans collage room. This was the meeting room, and though rarely used, it was incredibly important. It was the only building in heaven that could hold all the guardian angels.

As she approached it, she noticed that angels were still crowded around it, and breathed a sigh of relief that she wasn’t late. Relief, a human emotion, one angels shouldn’t have. She shook her head, wondering if that was part of why she was such an outcast. She looked up and then, since she had no choice but to fly, she flew into the entrance.

Mere moments later she was sitting in one of the chairs fitted to angel wings, staring down at the speaker. He was the head of guardian angels, the one who dispatched angels to ‘charges’ or humans who needed to be protected. He hadn’t started speaking yet, there was still one or two angels trying to find a seat.

As soon as all were seated, the head, Dom, cleared his throat and started to speak.

“Undoubtedly, you have all heard that we are no longer invisible, or invincible, on earth. The humans can now see both us and the demons, which is the only bright point of this there could ever be. On earth, angels are rare and wonderful creatures of myth- and very valuable. If one were captured, then sold into slavery, it would be chaos. We can not risk going down to earth to defend our charges so long as we can be seen. Does anyone know of any possible solutions?”

The whispering and chatting that had been going on by the younger angels stopped abruptly, and it was so quiet in the room that is one of the angels shed a feather, you’d hear it hit the floor. Adaya glanced around her and the mix of expressions. Some were scared, others wondering, even a few angry for some unseen reason. Then it occurred to her. Except for the wings, they looked like humans. She jumped to her feet, and burst out,

“We could pull in our wings and pretend to be humans!”

Gasps went throughout the room, horrified gasps as if she had just asked them all to pluck out their own feathers one by one. She glanced around her, then realized her folly. It wasn’t bad enough that she stand up and speak out of turn, she had suggested they pretend to be lowly, horrible humans. Her gaze went back to Dom, hopeful, but he too looked horrified.

“Why the hell would we do such a painful thing!”

Her gaze went to the floor, and she murmured in reply. “To protect the humans. Isn’t that why all of us are here?” She glanced back at him, and he replied.
“It would put us through constant pain! And if he took them back out to fast, rip up our back completely!”
Strangely, her gaze sharpened, and her voice grew strong.
“Well, humans could die because we wouldn’t put up with a little pain to help them! There doesn’t seem to be any other way! The only other way to get rid of our wings, which is what makes us look like angels, would be to tear them off or out. And guess what, that’d make us fallen angels not guardian-”
“I know how fallen angels are born!”
She, Adaya, the only angel yet to have a charge, got into a glaring match with the angel who controlled her very existence. She, the most timid and quiet angel of them all, fallen, guardian, and normal, had just raised her voice to one of the most important beings in heaven! Then, she heard a soft applauding. Both she and Dom looked to see who is was, and watched as what looked to be an angel without wings walked onto the stage portion that Dom had been standing on.

Dom knew who it was, and had gone very pale, but Adaya was clueless. She glanced around her and saw everyone had gotten on there knees in front of there chairs. She still stood, and wondered who the heck this person was to get such treatment. She glanced back at him. She then noticed his long brown hair, and twinkling blue eyes.

“Adaya, child, you do have quite a point. “
“Who are you, and how do you know my name?”
A surprised look crossed the strange beings face, then he burst out laughing. A sound that made her muscles relax without her meaning them too.
“Why, Adaya, you truly do not know? I am God.”

Adaya felt her knees go weak and her eyes wide. Being the youngest angel, 22 human years, she had yet to see god, or earth. So. . .this is god. . .he seems nice.

“Adaya may have come up with the only way you can still defend the humans. And they must be defended. Without us to aid the humans, they will be controlled, and killed by the demons, until demons control earth, which is the only thing between hell and heaven. “

Everyone went quiet, then Dom turned from God to face the whole of the guardian angels. He merely looked at them all, then he said rather like he didn’t really want it to be so,
“God himself has just said what he must do. I will send a select few of you down to earth to try this new tactic. I will decide if it is to be used by all, or to much of a risk. “

“Adaya, you will go along as well. Dom, if you’re about to argue, I’ll explain later.”

_~_’_~_
Later on, in the completely empty meeting house, Dom glanced over at God, pure confusion written all over his face. He had no idea why god would want an inexperienced angel on such an important mission. He waited for the caretaker and commander of heaven to explain as he had said he would.
“She hasn’t been on a mission.”
“No sir.”
“Then, she won’t have experiences to guide her. “
“No. . .”
“She won’t have grown used to being invisible to the humans. Plus I’ve heard the rumors, does she really walk everywhere she can? Does she really not fly without absolute need?”
“Yes. That’s all true. So in a way, her being inexperienced will aid her. I’ll make sure she goes.”

Dom and God then walked their own directions. Dom to his house, and the Seestone. God, to go do God’s duties, duties no one knew the extent of.

Adaya stood on the cloudy ground just outside her house, staring around her at the place called heaven. The home of all the cruel angels who’d outcasted her. And yet, and yet, her own feeling about the place she had always called home confused her.

dp: what exactly are Adayas feelings? And, if it's strange, why does she feel them?

[Cyberworm]

Wonderful, NoNi! I like the setting, got a pretty clear view of the characters, though I have to point out the spelling mistakes. There were a few that actually made me stop for a moment or two to think about it.

All in all a good storyline with some grammar errors, but readable. :)

As for her thoughts...

A home should be a place where everyone has the same goal, same aspirations, somewhere you can go to when you're down. But she doesn't want to stay in Heaven when she's depressed. She's not what others would call an exemplary angel, so there is actually no point in trying to be one since everyone's against her and she is against them. Not against as in fighting, but as in disagreeing.

Though she can actually analyze the other angels' actions, she can't understand why are they acting like that. And why should she try to be like them when obviously she isn't? God seems like the only normal entity in Heaven, so I think she should consider talking to him about why she is so different and if she could have some guidance that wouldn't change her to fit other's image of a good angel, but enhance her own specialties, her traits, be an angel while having a different point of view.

There must be other angels who are like her as well, not everyone can be selfish and egoistic like the angels in the briefing room. She could start a small faction, a group of similar-minded angels, who could in fact make a special unit of angels made to work specifically in human-crowded environments. Since she can put herself in humans' place easily, she has the willpower to endure the pain of having her wings pulled in, and there yet may be angels who aren't exactly willing to go to Earth and pose as humans, but have the endurance to keep the pain at bay. Those kind of angels are equally valuable in those kind of missions even though they are not willingly doing it.

But I strayed a bit, what I want to say is that she doesn't fit in, and she has two choices: let the other angels' influence change her to fit the mass' will, or she could be unique and make herself even more unique by emphasizing her qualities with the help of the only authority which would listen to her. God. As I said, there may be others and they could actually form a faction in Heaven with equal rights as all the other angels, and they would be allowed their own opinions.

Hope I didn't choke you with the text. :smile:

[Novelest_Ninjagirl]

Thankies! Though most of that won't be much help now, it will greatly help later on in the story! THankies thankies!

[FatHairyApe]

This is a very cool idea. The prologue got me drawn in. My only crit would be that the beginning of the first chapter was a little boring only in that it kind of repeated the prologue. But then it got going, and it was so good! This is such a good idea.

What sort of powers do angels have? This is going to be crunk, I just know it. I liked the God part, too. Keep me updated, and I can't wait for the next chapter.

Regarding the DP: I have no idea. Author's choice :)!

[Phantomfan]

Yay, I finally get to reply to this!

Fantastic chapter, Noni. I am really enjoying this story so far... I can't wait to see how it goes.

DP-wise, I kind of agree with Cy about her feeling very out of place. She does seem to be a very unique angel, and perhaps she realizes that she is different and does not quite enjoy it.

[Novelest_Ninjagirl]

KK! thankies for your suggestions!

[shy_blu_eyes]

The prologue was good, but chapter one was still a big improvement!

I think that the feeling is aspiration. She aspires to make things better.

Aspirations are good, they bring about change and change is a prerequisite for improvement.

Of course, aspiration can also breed ambition, and foiled aspirations can lead to dissatisfaction.

I agree with Cy. Adaya is not alone, other angels have experienced what she's going through, and they have formed their own group. They're known as fallen angels...

If you go with this idea it would add another level of conflict to your story and a tragic flaw for your character. The very emotions that make her so well suited to this mission could also be the same things that threaten to destroy her.

Plus it could add another dimension to your physical conflict, Demons and fallen angels may both be accursed, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they're on the same side...

Just some random thoughts. Keep up the good work!

[Novelest_Ninjagirl]

Thanks! Great ideas, my story is already improving in my mind! I have so many ideas bouncing around in this little brain of mine. . .. . *rubs hands in aticipation*

[DeadManWalking]

go with Disney magic.

Proven works

I want to be... part of your woooooooooooooooooooorld.

yay little mermaid

[Novelest_Ninjagirl]

Poll is up!

[zahark]

* is waiting paitently for next chapter*

[Novelest_Ninjagirl]

Polls closeing tomorrow! better vote soon if you're gonna.

[SerriaFox]

I'm reminded that God work's in mysterious way.

God "knew" the change was coming so maybe he made a part human angel?

[shy_blu_eyes]

I really like your idea S-Fox, either as a stand-alone concept, or because it could dovetail into what I said earlier.

Perhaps an opportunity for the fallen angels to redeem themselves?

[Novelest_Ninjagirl]

poll is closed on a tie! at least it's a well-working tie lol. I'm going to start working on it shortly.