City of IF

[Novelest_Ninjagirl]

NOTE: There is a curse word at the end of this chappy, be prepared, or don't read



Chapter One

Crystal Fae sighed when she saw the big city limits pass behind her. The bus she was on was stinky, like a 250-pound joggers fresh sweat after a jog much to long for them, and, worst of all, empty. She was the absolute only one on the greyhound bus heading towards. . .what was it again? Colorado? Texas? No- it was someplace where it would be snowing very soon. She sighed again, amused somewhat by the path her thoughts had taken.

Crystal Fae had been born in, raised in, and planned on growing up in, New York. She never could remember what street she lived on, but she remembered having lived in a large apartment building, gray like most, right by a meager park. Her childhood years had been filled with half-hearted trips to the swing-set, which always ended sooner then usual. After middle school, she’d avoided the park altogether, and just gone to the mall.

Around the middle of 7ths grade, she’s taken to locking herself in her room and read books. Only coming out for food, bathroom breaks, and more books. Or to complain when her internet was down. Well, that and school. Much as she had tried, she’d still been carted there everyday. That had been her life, and she’d enjoyed it.

Then her parents were murdered, and everything she knew vanished. She suddenly was being transported to a small town in a state she couldn’t remember, to live with her grandmother. On her fathers side, which happened to be the one she’d never met. Which was basically how she’d ended up on a greyhound bus, with all her belongings packed into a backpack, a laptop case, and a suitcase.

Put simply, the backpack had books, notebooks, and pens, along with a few hair ties and a Nintendo DS. The laptop case had her laptop, a pretty silver thing from dell, with an 18 inch wide screen, and all the wires to operate it. As well as her wireless mouse and it’s little tab thing. She’d also managed to smuggle a few DS games in some extra spots. The suitcase had her limited wardrobe.

The bus drive was extremely boring, her laptop was dead-she’d killed the battery a while back, when there was a small chance of wifi- her DS was so deep in her backpack going after it would be futile, and all the books she’d brought had been reread already, twice. Needless to say, she slept until they got to the bus stop, where’d she’d change buses.

When they did stop, she stood up, crossed her laptop cases strap over her chest diagonally, put on her backpack, and held her suitcase tightly in her left hand, before disembarking. The first thing she did was go in search of food. With her New Yorker instinct on guard against thieves, pickpockets, and other generally bad people, she skimmed the fast-food restaurants plunked down by the buss stop. Settling on burger king, she moved to get in line.

The rest of her trip was a repetitious blur. Get on a bus, sleep ‘til the next bus stop, get off, eat, watch people until the next bus came, get back on, and start it all over. That lasted until she finally got to the last bus stop, the one where her grandmother was going to pick her up. By that time, she was about ready to deck the next bus driver she saw. That, or spray an entire can of Lysol Air freshener on them.

As she gingerly sat on the edge of the bright green plastic bench that she bet hadn’t even seen a cloth in years, She watched for the car her grandmother would get out of. She’d gotten a hold of a picture, and every time someone got out of their car, she’d glance at them, then at the picture. According to the picture, she’d gotten her heart shaped face and bright blue eyes from her grandmother, but that’s all she could see that they shared.

The woman in the picture was standing in front of a bright red truck, laughing. She was wearing a green sweater, and a pair of loose jeans. Her hair was salt and pepper, with the bright blue eyes Crystal had noticed shining. Her crows feet were plainly from laughing, she could see, and those weren’t the only wrinkles on the tanned face. The woman in the picture was still very beautiful, despite her age. At the same moment a truck was pulling into the parking lot, Crystal noticed one other thing she shared with the woman in the photo, natural slimness.

“Why, you must be my granddaughter Crystal Fae!”

Crystals head shot up, ashamed at being snuck up on, and she noticed to the woman in front of her. She had more white in her hair, and was wearing a blue t-shirt instead of a green sweater, but looked exactly like the photo otherwise. The truck not to far from her was even the red truck, though the paint did seem a bit more worn down.

The woman nodded, smiled brightly, and inclined her head in the direction of the truck. Minutes later her bags were in the backseat, and she was buckling up in the passenger sear. She glanced over at her grandmother, wondering which of them would speak first. Then she remembered, her grandmother already had. She looked out in front of her and watched as dirt passed by, and a tree every now and again. All in all, the only difference from the bus was this smelled like peppermint.

“If you don’t feel comfortable calling me Grandma, Grammy, or something along those lines, Carole will work. I know that I’m a stranger to you. “

Again her head shot towards the woman besi- towards Carole. She then smiled lightly, a bit amazed she’d known what it was she was worrying about in her head.

“Okay, I’m Crystal. I prefer that to Crystal Fae.”

“Well, we’ll get along nicely, I think. I am at home most of the time, and work in a shop that’s attached to the house. It’s a craft shop. Now, you’ll be going to school in a few days as a freshman in Westview High. K?”

Crystal nodded, and thought that if she had to move all of a sudden- at least it was in time for the first day of school. She didn’t want to be the new kid, that would just plain suck. She glanced over at the side mirror, and sighed. Her flyaway ashen blonde hair was surrounding a heart shaped face, with large shining under-sea caverns for eyes. A cupid bow mouth, a plump one, and a slightly upturned nose with a small bump in the ridge were her facial features. All of which were set in a pink tinted pale skin.

She knew without looking that she had curves, perky breasts, small waist, strong hips, long legs shaped just right for a girl with a high waist, which she was. All in all, she knew she was pretty-ish. Her faded blue jeans had natural rips on the knees, and her nearly knee-high deep red boots were barely covered by the jeans. A maroon colored silk shirt with a turtleneck and no sleeves seemingly wrapped around her, and her blue denim jacket was a piece of clothing she was never seen without. She wore a pair of fingerless white gloves that clung to her hands, and extended around three or so inches past her wrist.

The arrival at her new home actually was pretty late, so late she, a total night owl, merely asked where her room was before wandering off up the stairs. She set her stuff on the ground, dragged her jeans, shirt and boots off, as well as her jacket, and pulled a purple nightshirt that went to her knees on before climbing into the bed and falling asleep. She didn’t even absorb what her surrounding looked like. All she knew was her bed was soft, and then she was out like a light.

As most of her life did, the next few days passed in a blur. This time, though, it wasn’t a pattern. One day was spent on school supplies, then next on getting her stuff set up in her room, and then the third spent learning where the school was, so she could walk there. Then sleep was all that was left. The next morning, she was dressed and ready for the day before her alarm even went off, and hit the ‘OFF’ button, before going downstairs, purple denim backpack in hand.

A few hours later, she was sitting in homeroom when he walked in. She’d heard about him as she and Carole shopped, and this morning before school started, his name was Jacob. He was the local bad boy, and was absolutely adored by the entire female population of the town. He apparently was going to be sitting next to her.

Oh goodie, the city girl and the bad boy next to each other. Why did she have a feeling glares would be sent their way when disruptions were heard? Shrugging it off, she listened as homeroom was turned over to the students to learn about their classmates. Shoving her silver glasses a bit up the bridge of her nose, she glanced around, then heard it.
“ I see a big city bitch eyeing my guy, better go set her straight.”

DP: how does Crystal Fae respond to this rather crude insult?

[Phantomfan]

Great first chapter, Noni!

I can't wait to follow this one along... very intriguing.

DP-wise, I think Crystal (great choice of name, by the way) should ignore the comment, possibly hoping to be passed over by the bullies or whoever it is, at which point the person could choose to pick a fight with her.
Then again, she could turn around and face the bully, saying quietly but firmly "I don't appreciate being called that" or something across those lines that could also possibly spark into a fight.

*shrugs* It just seems like this scene is unlikely to end without a scuffle of some sort...

Anyway, great job so far Noni, and I look forward to reading more!!

[Cyberworm]

Good work NoNi! I didn't notice any grammar mistakes so I'd say this is VERY readable, and the story itself flows without chops. :D

As for the DP... I wouldn't be worried about the gossip itself, but about the content of the gossip. That was a threat.
Quote:
“ I see a big city bitch eyeing my guy, better go set her straight.”

Set her straight -> verbal, possibly physical molesting and harassing.

So, hmmmm... better find a guy or a girl and make friends with them, hopefully if she's in a larger group than that girl's, the girl won't do a thing. Or it would just be verbal insults or something. And whatever Crystal (love the name ;)) does, she shouldn't strike first if it comes to that.

[Black Hawk]

well she sounds alot like me except I don't have a laptop and I don't lock myself inside my room
anyway I say you just ignore the insult or try to switch seats with the girl who insulted you

[DeadManWalking]

well she seems kinda quiet, as evidenced by the locking in room and reading.

so she would probably not do anything.

or maybe that's just me making stuff up.

idk

Great chappie Noni!!!!!!!!!!!!

[shy_blu_eyes]

So far I like it Noni, but I did notice one thing...

Quote: He was the bad boy of this town, and absolutely adored by the entire female population of the town.

Is there some way to rewrite this so both phrases don't end with the word town?

Maybe "He was the local bad boy, and..."?

I think my favorite line was,

Quote: Again her head shot towards the woman besi- towards Carole.

It really made me feel like I was inside Crystal's head.

As for the DP, I F5 DMW. Although I agree with Phan that this will likely end in a scuffle of some sort...

BtW, I love the new Avi. Even if it is a little scary...

[Novelest_Ninjagirl]

wow, thanks everyone! I can't believe I'm getting all these praises for something I did in a matter ofa few hours :lol: . Thanks, I enjoy all of the suggestions, and if it keeps going this way, I'll be sure to set up a poll soon. Thankies very much everyone!

@Shy, thanks, I didn't notice that! I'll be sure to go change it right now!

[FatHairyApe]

well done! loved it!

[Novelest_Ninjagirl]

Well, I don't have time tonight, but I'm putting the poll up tomorrow, so if you've got ideas buzzing around in your brains, better get it out now!

[Novelest_Ninjagirl]

the poll is up! Please vote~

[Novelest_Ninjagirl]

okay people, I'm starting to write the chappy now, should be up soon! Read the 1st chappy if you haven't!

[Tavanesh]

Good job NoNi! I like how you took it slow, and gave yourself time to introduce the main character. It's hard for an author to do, but it adds so much more allowing people to connect with your story. It was well-written and definitely readable, but I picked up on a few things.

Quote: Around the middle of 7ths grade, she’s taken to locking herself in her room and read books.

I'd take the s out of 7ths, and switch the s for a d in she's. Seeing the tense you're in I'd also add in ing to read.

Quote: She suddenly was being transported to a small town in a state she couldn’t remember, to live with her grandmother. On her fathers side, which happened to be the one she’d never met. Which was basically how she’d ended up on a greyhound bus, with all her belongings packed into a backpack, a laptop case, and a suitcase.

You want to change the order of that slightly, or it doesn't quite work. This would probably work better (but it is your story, you decide what to do)
She suddenly was being transported to a small town in a state she couldn’t remember, to live with her grandmother on her fathers side. Which happened to be...etc.

Great Job! I'm eager to see how this Crystal turns out.

[FatHairyApe]

You have an excellent command of the English language. You kept me intrigued and wanting more. I will be sure to read the next chapter! Good work!!