City of IF

[FatHairyApe]

Chapter Two
The next couple of moments flew by like, well, the wind. At my notice of Raish, I knew that my decision had to be spontaneous, for otherwise I would have no time to make a decision at all.

I waited for someone to make the first move. The Windfolk just kept staring at Hiergo, who, in return, just stared at them back. If I jumped out now to save Raish, I would be pulverized to an inch of humidity in a second flat.

Truthfully, I didn't have to wait long. A moment later, one of the Wind Peoples sent forth a huge gust in Hiergo's direction. It was then that I let my plan--or lack thereof--spring into action. I pulled up Raish while the others were distracted with battle.

It is not that she was heavy, for I lifted her without difficulty. It just seemed like every burden I ever had to bear rested on those shoulders. In combination, there was an incredible metaphysical weight that rendered me almost breathless. That did not matter, though. I had to continue. We were the only ones not covered.

In a half embrace with what seemed like a corpse, I tried to cast the cloud cover spell. All I could focus on, though, was her beautiful face pointed right at mine with barely an inch of space for air to flow between. If she woke up now... let's just say I'd be in quite a bit of trouble.

But, there was danger, and I had to keep my mind focused. I closed my eyes, muttered "Jhe", and managed to summon the clouds. They grew from around us and formed a soft blanket. It felt like we were floating in a sea of nothing. We then blended in with the rest of our landscape. The only problem was that I was not used to the magical burden of casting the spell for two people, let alone one. Our cloud cover was spread at increasingly thinning ratios so that once it reached my eyes I could see everything--everything, that is, past Raish's head.

One of our opponents made eye contact with me and shook his skull in distaste. Or at least, that is how it appeared. Nonetheless, he clapped his hands together, and unlike Hiergo's method, produced an enormous shockwave of breeze. The cloud that gripped Raish as close as I was gripping her was severed into a million tiny, wispy pieces. It woke up my friend, though, who immediately gasped and ducked down behind the rubble.

The wind had broken all of our cloud covers. Many of the Weatherwardens in training hid themselves with the rubbish of the dilapidated inn. All eyes were on Hiergo, now, who was really the only one that could do anything.

He grunted and threw his hands towards the cloud-like floor. Lightning cracked and made contact with one of the Windfolk. He shivered for a moment before perishing before our eyes, leaving nothing but garments that slowly circled to the ground. The cloths soon became still.

The guy that seemed to be in charge of our opponents took a step forward. The battle settled momentarily, but it felt only like the calm before an even greater storm.

"Do you have the gem?" he hissed, his voice filling every single gust around us.

It was here that Hiergo von Briggs's stubbornness got the best of him.

"Get the hell outta' here, scum!" he screamed, throwing his hands out at them. Electricity generated from his torso and crept down his bulky forearms. From his fingertips it erupted and groped for the targets. Two more Windfolk screamed and shriveled to nothing but a mess of clothes.

"You should be more polite," the head honcho whispered in such a way that infiltrated your spine and scooped out all innate senses of morale. He then spun quickly, stopped, extend his arms, pulled them inwards, and pushed up. The complex motion pulled all of us upwards gradually. It didn't hurt, but it was there was a kick in the face when we realized we were as defenseless as blades of grass.

The worst part, though, was when I tried to move my hand to comfort Raish and found I was unable to do so.

"We're... stuck..." I whispered out of the side of my mouth without the ability to turn towards her.

"I don't know what to do, Dendrin," she replied. I was speechless. Especially when I realized that this meant Hiergo, too, was immobilized.

"You Wardens are all fools to begin with for trying to tame us," the Chief Wind Person bellowed. "But you," he pointed to Hiergo, "are an even bigger fool for trying to vex us."

His finger then moved from the Head Weatherwarden to the girl on his immediate left: Bareena. Although he was masked, I could make out his lips and their indent on the cloth as he stated a single word.

"Pop."

Bareena exploded. From what I gathered then, all of the air in her lungs was pushed outwards. Her entire body was spewed in different directions. She didn't even have time to scream.

"Who's next?" he asked as he moved his finger again.

"Stop!" Hiergo finally screamed from his suspended tomb.

"Oh, what's the problem? You can't get out of this little trap, Weatherwarden?"

Hiergo then screamed and pulled his head downwards with every inch of strength he had. His invisible shackles shattered, and he fell down to the ground. We were all pulled down with him, as if a single strand of wind was braided through all of our prisons.

The Head Weatherwarden then charged the windy murderer. At this point, there were seven Windfolk left and seven Weatherwardens. We were matched by numbers, but we had the lower hand in regard to skill.

Just before Hiergo made contact, he uttered a single word. Presumably, it was Yurnic, but the sound itself was lost to the torrents of wind that accompanied our macabre visitors. It seemed to do the trick, though, as Hiergo was enveloped in a mess of pulsing light.

He passed right through all of the remaining Wind Peoples who had casted some sort of spell that made them untouchable physically, if for moments. It seemed, though, that he was prepared for their tricks, for he turned himself around while he hovered slightly in the air, still emitting yellow chaos.

"Three," he said. The new Wardens, myself included, looked at each other in confusion. "Two. One."

Lightning sped through the air from his body and shocked all of the targets. It continued like this with a constant stream of electricity until the aura around him dissipated.

Ultimately, only the boss of the rest was standing. The others had evaporated like those before. He stared at Hiergo and just vanished. I was wary to release a victory cheer, though. And with good reason too.

It was obvious that Hiergo was in pain. As the intensity of your magic increases, the ware on your soul increases as well. He rested his upper body by putting his hands on his thighs. He breathed heavily, trying not to miss a beat.

A second later the villain appeared behind Hiergo with a hand around his neck.

"Say goodbye," he stated with the wind backing each and every syllable.

Here, Hiergo von Briggs merely threw a single pearl into the area of us Weatherwardens who were eyeing in disbelief. At first I thought it was the mysterious gem that the Windfolk wanted, but, granted as how the guy didn't care for it, I reconsidered.

A moment after, both the Head Weatherwarden and the captain of that group of Windfolk disappeared. Whether they both had died together in an attempt to save us or find the gem, I did not know. Whether one killed the other, I did not know. All I was aware of was that they were gone and we were here and that was that and we were probably screwed.

We all sat in a circle in the middle of the destroyed inn. Some were crying, and others were merely astonished. The action that had happened--the death--the struggle.

This was the real world, and this is what we would have to defend one day.

There was a slight glimmer of hope, though, and it shimmered from Raish's closed fist. She opened her hand, and we saw it: the pearl that Hiergo had thrown as his last memento. Raish closed her eyes and muttered something. From what I gather, she cussed or something and...

But then all of a sudden the pearl began to glow.



Decision Point: What does the pearl do?



Thanks for reading guys! I hope you like it. Anyways, I love critique and comments and DP suggestions and everything, haha! I also would love to be story buddies if you want to comment on mine and I'll comment on yours and we continue such for infinity. Haha. Thanks for the read!

[DeadManWalking]

perhaps a parting message?

a address or a city and a name of someone who can continue their training?

btw, THIS IS AWESOME

great idea.

great execution

just plain great.

[Phantomfan]

And another fanTASTIC chapter, Fath.

DP-wise, I think the pearl should be some sort of forgotten treasure that gives whoever has it the power to bend people's minds to the owners will... bit cliche, I know.

Or it could be some kind of treasure map to where other/bigger treasure lies...

Whatever way it ends up being, this story will continue to be awesome no matter what. :tu2:

[Cyberworm]

Okay... let's get down to business... again. :)

Let's start with the prologue and chapter one. Again. lol

Son, it's written in 1st person, the reader gets the feeling he's closer to the character, which is good. The name of the main character reminds me of a tree, though it might just be me 'cause I studied latin.

Got the description of the Ww's job well described, without any details which symbolizes Dendrin's amateurism in the subject. I have no complaints about the story setting, since there are only seven different flying cities with only one representative from each of them. Plus, you're ventered around two so it's kinda easy to follow.

There aren't many grammar errors and it's well put, so I believe that symbolizes Dendrin's organized (or at least educated) mind. It was a good idea to name the Head Ww with a "von" between the first and last name, since it gives him an aura of importance. Which is then dispersed by his choking on syllables. Gotta love choking syllables lol. Gives Von Briggs an utilitaristic mood, getting straight to the point, more action less talk and such.

Points for possible reference on the Biblical Great Flood, setting up a new age. Though it says

Quote: From there, life began anew.

That would mean that everything before the Flood that was on Earth was wiped out, and would only leave the sky people to colonize the ground? Maybe I'm wrong on misinterpreting something, but I'm sure we'll hear about the Flood more later.

Now onto the chappy one itself. It's still written in 1st person and you're using common words, so I got the feeling like i was having a chat with Dendrin about the good ol'e days. Points for that. It's really well written when you look at the chapter in general.

And chapter two.

Quote: All I could focus on, though, was her beautiful face pointed right at mine with barely an inch of space for air to flow between. If she woke up now... let's just say I'd be in quite a bit of trouble.

I quickly managed to summon the clouds, and they wrapped around us. We then blended in with the rest of our landscape.

A bit of a contrast there, eh? Lack of concentration and suddenly voila, a cloudscreen? Just add something like him snapping out or closing his eyes so he doesn't have to look at her. That should do the trick.

Quote: We all sat in a circle in the middle of the destroyed inn. Some were crying, and others were merely astonished. The action that had happened--the death--the struggle.

I thing a '...' would work better instead of the double streak ('--'). It looks like devil horns. XD. Anyway, the ...'s are just my opinion, so you are free to discard the comment.


---

That would end the crit. It got wiped when my computer suddenly reset, so I wasn't very bounteous on compliments and "good job"'s. As for the story itself, I think it has a good setting for a spontaneous story, and I enjoyed reading and critting it. :)

As for the pearl... I think it should pop, and there would be a small cloud elemental in it. You know, like a creature made of clouds. And it could teach them the very essence of weather-controlling. I mean, human teachers are ok, but if you want to learn something good, learn it from the source. :) I think Hiergo cared about his students more than anything, and he would only want them to become the best. Who knows, maybe he really died and all that is left are the kids to become the Weatherwardens and bring balance to the Force. I mean, the world. :D

[FatHairyApe]

Thanks so much for the crit! It was very helpful. I made some changes ;-D. And to answer your question about the flood: from what we gather, the flood wiped out everything, and ALL life started anew. But... *giggle* more on that later :).

[Novelest_Ninjagirl]

Wow, cool! I gotta admit, I was held in suspence the entire time, wondering 'What's next, what's next??'. I didn't notice any typos or grammar mistakes that popped out,a nd the storyline rocked!

DP-
The pearl is a. . . .carrying case for the soul of a previous weather warden who can help them in some way shape or form.

[FatHairyApe]

We need more vooootes!

[Chinaren]

Voted, but only added to the confusion I'm afraid. :?

[Black Hawk]

hooray I broke the tie :tung: in favor of soul of a weatherwarden

[FatHairyApe]

I am replying merely to order this.