City of IF

[FatHairyApe]

First off, I must apologize for the lateness of this chapter! Sorry, guys! School has been kicking my butt. I have so much homework. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy. Again, sorry it took so long.



Chapter Six
My head was suddenly whipped back. Everything zoomed past my line of sight; things fell into familiar places. After a moment of orientation, I looked up. Raish’s gaze was nowhere near the candle, and beside our table stood the barista.

“I need you to follow me and not ask any questions,” she said with authority. As if to clarify, she pointed to the door.

“How did you... do that?” I whispered, still stunned by the strange juxtposition.

She responded with a sign, as I had already broken one of her rules. Without questioning a second time, Raish and I got out of our seats and were escorted out of the coffee shop.

While we took what I envisioned to be a sort of walk of shame, I noticed that none of the store’s inhabitants seemed to be very jostled by such an event. If I had seen a barista scream at two costumers and then appear right before them, especially in a no-magic realm, I would be incredibly confused.

We walked. I was not sure if it was a bad happening or a good one; Raish offered no assistance in such a conclusion.

“Where did you arrive?” the barista asked, breaking the silence.

“We found ourselves in a sort of clearing,” Raish answered. “In that direction, I think.” She pointed to the forest.

“Well, then,” the barista said, “we need to head back there.” She looked to her left then to her right. “I suppose no one is around. I should probably introduce myself to you both.”

She walked backwards as she told me and Raish her name.

“Here, I am known as Anabelle, and if you have not guessed so far, I am a Realm Keeper.”

“No idea,” I replied, completely serious. Her eyes flashed back confusion.

“R-really?”

Raish confirmed by response by shaking her head.

“Ah, well. I guess it makes sense as to why you asked what spell I had cast back there in the coffee shop.” She turned around. “Come, now,” she motioned to us.

Along the way, Anabelle learned more about us. She asked what our names were, where we were from, you know, the usual. As we neared the mouth of the passage to the woods, she told us about the magical occurance in the cafe.

“Excuse me if you were alarmed,” she began. “But stop is the key word for such a spell.” When she looked up at our glazed eyes she added, “Yurnic words do nothing here.”

Anabelle licked her lips and smoothed her red hair. “I cast a specific spell that goes back in time a couple of seconds; it is as if nothing happened for all who cannot master magic, whereas for you two it was evident that something was different.” She noticed Raish moving her fingers as if trying to recreate it. “Haha,” she chuckled, “it’s realm magic. Only Keepers can cast it.”

Eventually we reached the clearing. Anabelle sat us down, and we all formed a sort of triangle on the silky grass.

“This is my Dead Zone,” she told us, defensively. “I am sorry if I startled you, but I have to protect it. In this realm, no magic exists; if anyone had seen you in that store, the entire skeleton of this world would be shifted.”

There was something different about this time, I sensed. If Anabelle had ever protected her cafe from wizards before, her talk with them had been more... sophisticated. They had been more filled in. We, on the other hand, were not. We had no idea what was going on.

“Dead Zone,” she clarified, “like realms intersect, channeling magic is voided, entering a Dead Zone can slide you into the adjacent world that is overlapping the other. Ring a bell?”

We nodded, fearfully. She was not mean, but she was authoritative and powerful. It was odd to think she was so formidable in a place where magic was forbidden. Realm Keepers must have some incredible tolerance to pain, or they might just be used to the pain. Either way, she showed us she was our superior, and we could not threaten that.

I looked up at the sky in the silence. It lacked the beauty of Skyward. It lacked that glimmer. Around us, the trees were beautiful, of course, but they were plagued by imperfections that would have been sifted out in the magical realm. The large pile of rocks we had seen when we arrived was chiseled in odd places casting strange shadows. All of nature, here, was imperfect.

“So how did you guys end up here?” Anabelle asked, shifting her position. “You obviously don’t quite understand what’s happening.”

“We—we think there was a mistake,” Raish explained. Her hands swirled in the air as if trying to grab the truth that rested just outside of her reach. “We supposed to be teleported somewhere, but the spell got stuck in this Dead Zone.”

“Where were you supposed to teleport?” she asked. Then, as to not appear noisy, she added, “Realm Keepers can cast realm magic anywhere without penalty. It is my duty to return where you should be to help keep the Balance. I am simply asking so I can help.”

“All we know,” I offered, “is that he has three eyes—”

Anabelle gasped and threw out her hands. “No!”

My eyes opened wide, unsure of the logic of her reaction.

“The Tharkian Seer! You’re going to him? Who sent you?”

“Eze—”

“Fools!” she stood up. “You just listen to someone because he’s a Weatherwarden? Fools!”

“What is wrong?” Raish screamed. “We don’t understand!”

“The Tharkian Seer is blind!” Anabelle shouted. Looking around and realizing her surroundings, she began to calm down.

“What? He has three eyes!” I said, laughing in such a serious time. I just couldn’t put together the logic that someone with so many eyes could be so unable to see.

“He’s blind,” she repeated. “His right eye sees when you born. His left eye sees when you die.”

“And his third eye?” Raish asked.

“It...” she whispered. “It sees the exact location of the Genesis Gem.”

We gasped. The pieces were slowly falling together. The magical aura of the newfangled logic enchanted the unmagical realm momentarily.

“Ezekiel—” I began.

“—he’s dead,” Anabelle said. “But that doesn’t matter. He wants you both to secure the gem so that he may return and control it.”

“But that shouldn’t matter,” Raish said. “He’s a Weatherwarden. He wants to get it so that he can stop anyone else from—”

“Who do you think started that flood? The Great Flood?” Anabelle barely waited for an answer. “It was Ezekiel, King of the Rain People! How did they do it? The Genesis Gem!”

“But he told us they just bolstered their forces and—” Raish interjected.

“He lied.” She paused, taking a moment to run a hand through her red hair. “Ezekiel destroyed the world; little did he know that it could rebuild itself because each realm feeds the other. Eventually he came back to that realm that had survived, and when he did he was randomly chosen as a Weatherwarden coincidentally. His quest was to secure to Genesis Gem, for only with that can he destroy all realms of this world. Death does not stop him, friends.”

Anabelle stood up and walked towards the grey rocks that were piled in the forest edge of that clearing. She raised a hand and extended her index finger towards the stones in silence. Then, the Realm Keeper turned around to me and Raish. Her pupils were gone. She was casting a spell.

With her other arm, she extended an open hand in our direction. A burst of silver energy flew between us and Anabelle. They balls grew larger as we were lifted off of our feet and pulled slowly towards the rocks.

“What are you doing?” Raish screamed as the noise of the spell grew louder.

“I have no choice but to complete the spell,” Anabelle shouted back. “It is my duty.”

“But Ezekiel is evil! He tricked us!” I reminded her.

“Nothing is purely evil. Nothing is purely good. It is up for you two to choose.”

The rocks began to ooze into each other. A canopy of black formed between them; it was soon shaded with a variety of reds and yellows and blues. Swirling together. We could see the other realm faintly through the rocks. It was the overlap. It was the Dead Zone.

“I will see you again, friends. You will be through here again, and I am sure of that.” Anabelle smiled, softening. “This is not goodbye.” She locked her eyes on us. “There are no goodbyes.”

We blasted into the rocks, but surprisingly they did not hurt. The reds embraced us, and for a moment we teetered in between realms with a view of infinity. It did not stop there, though. Anabelle’s magic was to send us to the Tharkian Seer, and that is what it did.

Black consumed us entirely. Then, like that ashen eye blinking, it all went away and were standing in a new land. There were torches everywhere; everything was engulfed in flames.



A man—the man—sat before us, his triangle hat illuminated by the fire. It was the Tharkian Seer, the blind Weatherwarden with an affinity for fire. His lips were moving, too, as he was speaking.

He could not see anything, but he could envision the past and the future. Now, however, only his right eye was open. Without our approval, without our knowledge, words flew out of his mouth. He started with Raish.

He told her where she was born and when. The Tharkian Seer described the beautiful Vultaan city at the weather at the second of her birth. Raish nor I could muster the strength to stop him. We both wanted to know, but we both knew we shouldn’t know.

And then his left eye opened.



Decision Point: How (word-for-word) does the Tharkian Seer describe Raish’s death? (So post it as if the Seer is talking; only these posts will be considered for voting. Otherwise, feel free to post ideas!)



Thanks for reading! As always I appreciate feedback, criticism, edits, etc. Thanks fans! :)

[The Meaning Of Fear]

First post! I think...

Well, it's surprising how I found this chapter to be funny. I LOLed when the realm keeper abruptly started the spell to finish their journey, just after she told them about the evil guy. The logic of these magical people strike me as somewhat profound.

A small error I found:

Quote: she repeated. “His right eye sees when you born. His left eye sees when you die.”

I believe you meant this to be you're.

Anyways, here's my :2c: for this Dp...

"You shall die in the realm of _________ (Just read that as if it was the name of the realm Earth is in), on the Earth day _________ (Put in time so it fits the story). You are on the landmass known to the humans on Earth as South America, inside a vast rainforest. You are on the floor of a clearing, shut in by trees on all sides, the only light visible striking your fallen body through the roof of the canopy. Exotic flowers grow all around in the clearing, the beauty of which never before seen. You don't see them. You close your eyes, knowing you have failed. Knowing there would be no more point living on. The suffocating humidity and the smell of the rainforest ease you into your eternal slumber, and so, the you die...

And the final cause of death... despair."

Sounds extremely evil doesn't it? And I thing I might of made it somewhat irrational or senseless... and its a bit short.

But at least it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling!~ :rofl:

~Holds Breath~ :shock:

[Crunchyfrog]

The only real criticism I could make of this chapter is that everything happened way too fast. Again, too much technical explanation, not enough of the characters experiencing the world. Anabelle has made it clear she'll resurface again in later chapters, but will we remember her when she does? She is a Realmkeeper, their superior, so give her some charisma and mystery.
Quote: She was not mean, but she was authoritative and powerful. It was odd to think she was so formidable in a place where magic was forbidden. Realm Keepers must have some incredible tolerance to pain, or they might just be used to the pain. Either way, she showed us she was our superior, and we could not threaten that.
So far you have only relied on her words to convey this. Try to describe how she shows them. Try to avoid conventional verbs to describe her actions. Let her loom, lurk, emerge, glide to describe how she walks. Let them feel uncomfortable under her steady gaze, let them dangle in uneasy silences between her explanations. Do they feel a magical aura that the inhabitants of the dead zone are unaware of? What other subtle strangeness might Dendrin and Raish be able to detect?

Let Dendrin wonder at the importance of her position here. If she is withholding information, let her hesitate as she dances round any truths she doesn't want them to know.
Quote: “Ezekiel destroyed the world; little did he know that it could rebuild itself because each realm feeds the other. Eventually he came back to that realm that had survived, and when he did he was randomly chosen as a Weatherwarden coincidentally.

I found this passage a little confusing. Granted it is speech from a character who is a little flustered at the moment, but it could be broken up a little with actions.

For example: Quote: "Ezekiel destroyed the world!" she said. "Little did he know it could rebuild itself - because each realm feeds the other."

Annabelle paused, watching to see if we'd understood. We nodded.

"Eventually he came back to that realm, the one that survived...."

Now the last bit - "and when he did he was randomly chosen as a Weatherwarden coincidentally."

I think we need to be reminded who chose him as a Weatherwarden, and what these random and coincidental circumstances were, to make it more believable.

I F5 what Meanie said there, sending them off to a known evil - this could be made more believable by showing the sorrow in her face, making it clear that she really doesn't want to perform this duty. Perhaps she hesitates, caught between wanting to help these lost Weatherwardens, and her duty to keep the balance between the realms.



As for the DP - the Tharkian Seer says: "Your end will be marked with the falling of snow in the new Realm."

Sorry, couldn't think of anything better!

[FatHairyApe]

The Meaning Of Fear wrote: First post! I think...

Well, it's surprising how I found this chapter to be funny. I LOLed when the realm keeper abruptly started the spell to finish their journey, just after she told them about the evil guy. The logic of these magical people strike me as somewhat profound.

I actually tried to put in some humor into this chapter, so that's good :). The Realm Keeper is supposed to be ridiculously insensitive and really wacky--mainly, because overall, she understands something that Raish and Dendrin do not: they must choose. They are kids. They see black, and they see white. She understands her mission, and she tries to stay as insensitive about it as possible.

[FatHairyApe]

First, Crunchy, I'd like to thank you so much for taking the time to post these! I'm going to put my "logic," and if it clears it up then, please tell me. Otherwise I can try to fix it as I want my readers to like it! (And that means you :D).

Crunchyfrog wrote: The only real criticism I could make of this chapter is that everything happened way too fast. Again, too much technical explanation, not enough of the characters experiencing the world. Anabelle has made it clear she'll resurface again in later chapters, but will we remember her when she does? She is a Realmkeeper, their superior, so give her some charisma and mystery.
Here, I think I have some literary ability to add in explanation--they are legitimately confused. They are not supposed to be there. I understand what you are saying, and I am very appreciative that you bring up crits, but do you think it's allowed in this scenario? The fastness is that Raish and Dendrin need to be out of this non magic realm as fast as possible--they're upsetting the Balance.

Quote: So far you have only relied on her words to convey this. Try to describe how she shows them. Try to avoid conventional verbs to describe her actions. Let her loom, lurk, emerge, glide to describe how she walks. Let them feel uncomfortable under her steady gaze, let them dangle in uneasy silences between her explanations. Do they feel a magical aura that the inhabitants of the dead zone are unaware of? What other subtle strangeness might Dendrin and Raish be able to detect?

Let Dendrin wonder at the importance of her position here. If she is withholding information, let her hesitate as she dances round any truths she doesn't want them to know.
The way I tried to describe Anabelle I knew would yield possible confusion of a dry character. Anabelle is supposed to be a foil, as she's caught in between--not quite approachable yet not quite dismissive. She is nothing of interest, yet she has incredible powers. Dendrin (remember, he's the narrator) is unsure of who she is, yet with so much going on he cannot dwell. The nonmagic world stops their ability to sense that sparkle, yet how do you sense such with a person? Anabelle's character, in short, is nothing remarkable and nothing minuscule. She just is. She has a job, and that is what she is going to follow no matter what. Anabelle does not even ask Dendrin nor Raish for their names.

Quote: Quote: “Ezekiel destroyed the world; little did he know that it could rebuild itself because each realm feeds the other. Eventually he came back to that realm that had survived, and when he did he was randomly chosen as a Weatherwarden coincidentally.

I found this passage a little confusing. Granted it is speech from a character who is a little flustered at the moment, but it could be broken up a little with actions.

For example: Quote: "Ezekiel destroyed the world!" she said. "Little did he know it could rebuild itself - because each realm feeds the other."

Annabelle paused, watching to see if we'd understood. We nodded.

"Eventually he came back to that realm, the one that survived...."

Now the last bit - "and when he did he was randomly chosen as a Weatherwarden coincidentally."

I think we need to be reminded who chose him as a Weatherwarden, and what these random and coincidental circumstances were, to make it more believable.

Noted. I'll get on that ASAP. Thanks. I had forgotten how long WW has gotten! Forgot that the audience has probably forgotten Weatherwarden-choosing is completely by random (OR IS IT :D:D).

Quote:
I F5 what Meanie said there, sending them off to a known evil - this could be made more believable by showing the sorrow in her face, making it clear that she really doesn't want to perform this duty. Perhaps she hesitates, caught between wanting to help these lost Weatherwardens, and her duty to keep the balance between the realms.
The point that I was trying to make is that Anabelle is not sad. She may not want to perform the duty, but she understands that she must, and this takes precedence. She has been through this many times before--it is routine. She does not care about them, per se, because not all Weatherwardens are good. If this doesn't cut it, please tell me :).

YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD BUD. THANKS. And tell me if this clears it up or else I will go in with the EDITZ.

[Crunchyfrog]

Okay I read this right through again, from a different perspective. I think this is more like I didn't 'geddit' the first time around, or was looking for something that wasn't there.

It definitely clears stuff up although I believe there is just one thing I think you can still do. This Anabelle has said they'll meet again so she needs to be larger than life. The only edits I'd suggest now is to emphasise the hurry - especially where they start to walk from the coffee shop. Things like having her walking quickly and they're trying to catch up with her, beckoning and so on.

The walking backwards whilst talking was a good example where the urgency worked. Yeah, urgency is the key here. Its very clear in her words, and the looking left and right was good.

Before you do any edits yet though, see what other readers think - Meanie and I saw this chapter in two completely different ways, but that's just two, and not really enough to gauge.

Anyways hope this helps!

Still enjoying it,
Cheers
CF

[The Meaning Of Fear]

I'd also like some more details on Raish's birth. Sure you did describe it well, in a shorthanded kind of way, but what I think fits here is the actual 3 eyes guy talking, like how you intended us to consider the DP. I'm sure Dendrin wants to know more about Raish too ;) , if he doesn't know this already.

And, if you like that cliche sort of stuff, you can put in a sob story at her birth. :lol:

After all, everyone loves reading about others less fortunate than them.

[FatHairyApe]

The Meaning Of Fear wrote: I'd also like some more details on Raish's birth. Sure you did describe it well, in a shorthanded kind of way, but what I think fits here is the actual 3 eyes guy talking, like how you intended us to consider the DP. I'm sure Dendrin wants to know more about Raish too ;) , if he doesn't know this already.

And, if you like that cliche sort of stuff, you can put in a sob story at her birth. :lol:

After all, everyone loves reading about others less fortunate than them.

Point taken :) I'll get to this asap!

[verlius]

I like the story so far. I have a thought on her death. The seer should tell her that she to die by a friends hand... but have it end up being someone other then Dendrin, though they will not know this. It might add some conflict and uneasiness between them that they will have to overcome in order to strengthen their relationship, within this new found trust they will find what it takes to succeed.

[FatHairyApe]

Make sure you all vote on the newest poll! I want to write a new chapter this weekend. :)

[The Meaning Of Fear]

YES! First vote.

And it may surprise you all to see that I didn't vote for "See TMOF's post". What Verslius suggested was much more evil... and has the potential to become much more mushy.

*Is quite happy with the arrangement*

I'll be back with some thought on this later.

**EDITZ**

There's actually quite a bit of conflict in that poll option, which will be discussed in detail below.

If that should turn out to be the option chosen, then the person who kills off Raish CANNOT be a friend made in the near future. The prediction will undoubtedly unsettle her, so much that she will have problems communicating and getting along with her current friends, much less make more. My advice is resolve her fear quickly (via Dendrin... ;) *cough cough nudge nudge*) or send them back to their previous position (classroom, or something) where their fellow Wardens are.

You should also get rid of the "Not Dendrin" part of this poll option. This, I'm quite sorry to say, is an abomination in my eyes. This removes a huge chunk of tension and suspense which would otherwise be occupying the reader, not to mention removing a possible poll option in future. What I suggest is simply to ignore that part, and continue letting us fear for Raish from the possible danger of Dendrin. You still might let someone else kill her... but you might not. Dying by a friend's hand does not necessarily mean that friend means to, wants to, or even knows about killing her. Dendrin may be placed in a situation in which he has no choice but to kill her. We won't know until you write up to that. :)

[FatHairyApe]

The Meaning Of Fear wrote:
**EDITZ**

There's actually quite a bit of conflict in that poll option, which will be discussed in detail below.

If that should turn out to be the option chosen, then the person who kills off Raish CANNOT be a friend made in the near future. The prediction will undoubtedly unsettle her, so much that she will have problems communicating and getting along with her current friends, much less make more. My advice is resolve her fear quickly (via Dendrin... ;) *cough cough nudge nudge*) or send them back to their previous position (classroom, or something) where their fellow Wardens are.

You should also get rid of the "Not Dendrin" part of this poll option. This, I'm quite sorry to say, is an abomination in my eyes. This removes a huge chunk of tension and suspense which would otherwise be occupying the reader, not to mention removing a possible poll option in future. What I suggest is simply to ignore that part, and continue letting us fear for Raish from the possible danger of Dendrin. You still might let someone else kill her... but you might not. Dying by a friend's hand does not necessarily mean that friend means to, wants to, or even knows about killing her. Dendrin may be placed in a situation in which he has no choice but to kill her. We won't know until you write up to that. :)

You are my favorite. Haha. Okay, here's the deal:
Regarding the friend thing. You are overlooking Raish's character. She is trusting, intelligent, and can fend for herself. Moreover, she will not let a mere prediction destroy her. Perhaps Raish has better ideas about her destiny than we. Perhaps she understands it is what must happen.
Secondly, I will remove it. I was thinking that it should not be in there, but I felt uncomf. seeing as how the DPer wanted it in there. Now that you, another DPer mention, I will adjust it.

Thank you!!

[The Meaning Of Fear]

Right you are... Raish does seem to be quite trusting. Let's hope she isn't gullible, for her own sake. ;) Or there'll be hell to pay... Death, not to mention every who will be on her ass if the universe gets owned because of her.

Just one more question, although you have absolutely no obligation to answer:

I take it that this guy must always tell the truth with his predictions, but does he always tell the truth accurately? All of our poll options are quite ambiguous (perhaps except for mine, although it still doesn't specify exactly why she failed), and particularly for the friend one, may lead to certain confusions.

I'm not to sure as to whether the "friend" she MIGHT (Remember, guys, the Poll's still going ;) ) be killed by is really a "friend". Does he say it as if only she considers him/her a friend, vice versa, or does it have to be true to the last detail (that is given out in his predictions) i.e. They both consider each other to be a friend?

[FatHairyApe]

The Meaning Of Fear wrote: Right you are... Raish does seem to be quite trusting. Let's hope she isn't gullible, for her own sake. ;) Or there'll be hell to pay... Death, not to mention every who will be on her ass if the universe gets owned because of her.

Just one more question, although you have absolutely no obligation to answer:

I take it that this guy must always tell the truth with his predictions, but does he always tell the truth accurately? All of our poll options are quite ambiguous (perhaps except for mine, although it still doesn't specify exactly why she failed), and particularly for the friend one, may lead to certain confusions.

I'm not to sure as to whether the "friend" she MIGHT (Remember, guys, the Poll's still going ;) ) be killed by is really a "friend". Does he say it as if only she considers him/her a friend, vice versa, or does it have to be true to the last detail (that is given out in his predictions) i.e. They both consider each other to be a friend?

Ahh you raise interesting questions. As of now, this is what you as the readers know:

(a) The Tharkian Seer tells how she will die. This fact is true; it cannot be disguised.
(b) He tells it at the moment of Now.

What about Destiny? What about Fate? Exactly. He has great powers, yet how much power do we have? As creatures of life?

Regarding the question of if she considers him a friend, yada yada--the only requirement is that she must be killed by a friend (if such a response wins). Everything else is up for grabs :)

[FatHairyApe]

Poll closed.

"You are to die by a friend's hand." won! Chapter coming soon.