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Joined: 27 Oct 2004
Posts: 917
Location: Western North America

Posted: Thu May 07, 2009 6:40 pm    Post subject: General Discussion/Questions  

This started off as a feedback forum for suggestions and improvements. I have decided to expand it to be a place fornanyband all discussions you may wish to have about this SG and it's characters or the world they are in, as well as ask me questions. This will be my goto page to see what people are saying and to check on any unanswered questions. Of course, feel free to dander any questions you see if you know the answer.
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Joined: 16 Oct 2004
Posts: 5215
Location: UK

Posted: Fri May 08, 2009 5:40 am    Post subject:  

I think you have nothing to worry about with your storygaming.

The only thing I want more of right now is the story in general ;)
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Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Posts: 3998

Posted: Fri May 08, 2009 10:51 am    Post subject:  

What can I say? It is the genre I like to read. It is written in a style that sits well with me. Its presentation is excellent, and the light-on-dark colourscheme is spot on. You identify your characters by small, but specific traits, and their dialogue is believable.

The DPs are well crafted, you've teased out a good variety of suggestions each time. And always it has been damn difficult to vote.

And very importantly, you're putting in the chapters frequently and regularly.

You've not served up all the info in one go, and are letting us explore this environment at our own pace. In fact, I'd have to look very hard to find something to criticise about it.

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Joined: 13 Sep 2009
Posts: 2139
Location: Rising from the ashes

Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 12:48 am    Post subject:  

I agree that this is an absolutely fantastic work so far. Characterization is strong and growing stronger all the time... which is impressive given that at first I had such a weak concept of the characters. By now I'm really getting a feel for who they are. The plot is nice and tense with a lot of mystery woven in for good measure. Your descriptions are amazing, truly brilliant... I especially loved the office tricked out to look as if you were outdoors. Your word usage? Jezus if I had half the vocabulary you've so deftly utilized, I'd have been an honor student for sure! (ok... maybe I can claim roughly half, but you get the point... astounding). The dps so far are absolutely spot on excellent in that they are always tense and affect the plot significantly.

My only complaints would be the following:
1. The light words on the dark background is good but I'd ask the words to be a little lighter perhaps. I usually find I have to highlight the section I'm reading or my eyes tend to get derailed, which suggests there isn't quite enough contrast. Otherwise, I like how it makes the whole thing stand out from other SGs and adds a feel to the tale that helps to form the setting as a whole.

2. Sometimes you have a tendency for runon sentences. They aren't true runons in the sense that they go on where periods were necessary, but they sometimes utilize such incredible complexity that I feel like I've just run a marothon to get through them. I appreciate complex sentences more than most I think, which means this is really saying something that I can point out that there were a few times the sentence really needed dividing into perhaps three or four shorter ones.

3. Wait... no further complaints. In fact, these are really niggly points to be sure. You've edited yourself impeccably. I'm beyond impressed.
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Joined: 27 Oct 2004
Posts: 917
Location: Western North America

Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 1:23 pm    Post subject:  

Wow, I hardly know what to say to all that praise other than thanks Thunderbird, and I am glad you are enjoying it so far. I have struggled with keeping the DPs relevant enough that they are not a mere formality, so I am also glad to hear that you find them so riveting.

The colors have been a bit of an issue. I have tried to be careful about it not being harsh on the eyes (by making the background color darker to enhance the contrast versus making the font color brighter, for example), but this is the first I have heard about other readability issues. It hasn't been easy finding a good compromise that universally works on all the different kinds of displays out there. The letters of the words do seem to smear together, and I have been thinking about making the font larger as a potential solution--what do you think? In fact, I would be interested in what everyone thinks about that, so chime in everyone!

As far as the run on sentences are concerned--guilty as charged. When I write, my mind runs at a million miles a minute, and it is hard enough for me to compartmentalize the information in my  head to sufficiently get it all down on paper, let alone make sense of it. So you see, my writing is that way 'cause I sorta think that way. Nevertheless, I try to be as concise as I can, and I know run on sentences is one of my weaknesses but I also hate sounding like a robot and small simple sentences can come across as too mechanical sounding. So I always think I find a good compromise, but it can be sketchy spotting whether or not someone will have hard time following something that seems perfectly clear to me  because I know full well what I am saying. You're suppose to wait a while and go back to re-read your work once it has been long enough to achieve objectivity. HA! Not practical on a SG schedule. Still, I will do my best to make more improvements in that area.

Thanks again for your feedback Thunderbird, both complimentary and critical. Great observations all around.

Smee and Crunchy--thanks also for your previous compliments, I apologize for not responding to them before now. It was not long after I set this thread up that RL threw a major setback at me and I was pretty much gone for a few months. I don't take your support for granted. 

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Joined: 24 Nov 2009
Posts: 34
Location: Bucharest, Romania

Posted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 6:31 am    Post subject:  

Use more strong language, since you warn the readers about it. :P Your characters seem the cursing type, especially Kent. :)

Overall, I like the story so far.
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