City of IF

Lilith · Posted: Sat Nov 28, 2009 11:12 am Post subject: Funny but True quotes Thread

I'm gonna start this thread and hope the rest of you lot have something good to add, cause I think this is hilarious. Aaaand off we go.

Nutrition

Here's the truth about all those conflicting medical studies:

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

:rofl:

Traveller · Joined: 02 Apr 2008 Posts: 148 Location: Whitby, Ontario

C'mon...we all know that Americans don't speak English...lol

scissorkitty · Posted: Sun Nov 29, 2009 7:43 pm Post subject:

HAA! Sadly true. I believe it might be exposure to Walmart that kills us but, i am apparently part of a minority.

HalfEmptyHero · Posted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 8:05 pm Post subject:

That's because speaking 'English' is boring. If I went around talking the same way I write, I would have no choice but to kill myself.

The White Blacksmith · Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2629

scissorkitty wrote: HAA! Sadly true. I believe it might be exposure to Walmart that kills us but, i am apparently part of a minority.

Can't be. If it were, we Brits wouldn't die, would we?

Unless you count Asda.

snow tiger · Joined: 07 Dec 2008 Posts: 56 Location: u wish

Don't be hatin' on English! It's the ish!(I can't believe I just said ish)
Though i often wonder......why do we Americans call our own language English and not Amerish, because some of the things we do to the language is very offensive to Englanders(Brits)

England= English
American(should very obviously be)= Amerish

LordoftheNight · Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5276 Location: Hell

I'm not sure I can answer that without being offensive to your country :P

Guyron · Joined: 24 Nov 2009 Posts: 34 Location: Bucharest, Romania

snow tiger wrote: American(should very obviously be)= Amerish

More like Amish. :P

Geek_girl72 · Posted: Fri Dec 11, 2009 5:47 am Post subject:

This is a quote that appeals to my geeky sense of humor:

"How fleeting are all Human passions when compared to the marvelous continuity of ducks."

Smee · Joined: 16 Oct 2004 Posts: 5215 Location: UK

"Some people are like slinkies. Completely useless, but still make you smile when you push them down the stairs."

Tatkret Sos · Joined: 10 Nov 2009 Posts: 74 Location: UK

Haha Never thought of it that way! :shock:
I guess all english and Amerish(haha snow tiger) are damned! :lol:
hehe
:poke:

sparta12 · Posted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 3:44 am Post subject:

“Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.”

“The more you think about things, the weirder they seem. Take milk for example. Why do we drink COW milk? Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said. “I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze ‘em!”
- Calvin and Hobbes

Thunderbird · Posted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 1:06 pm Post subject:

That's a good one Sparta... heard it, but a gem nevertheless!

"It has been shown that the act of observation during laboratory research causes cancer in lab rats."

scissorkitty · Posted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 5:27 pm Post subject:

Thunder.. hahahahahaaa! I'll have to send that to my lab-tech friends. Very nice. Which brings me to my offering:

"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. "

Lebrenth · Joined: 29 Dec 2005 Posts: 1483 Location: Utah

"87.4% of all statistics are made up on the spot."

As for those bickering over the English language, I don't see how an island the size of Great Britain can have so many crazy accents on it and yet call the accents we have in the U.S. a different language.

Geek_girl72 · Posted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 6:08 pm Post subject:

'Clothes make the man. Naked people have little to no influence on society."

scissorkitty · Posted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 6:10 pm Post subject:

I AGREE!!!

Across the whole wide country of Canada, we have very little variety of accent- barring the Maritimes, and Quebec, of course. .. but all my inlaws, and my father.. they INSIST that there are regional Canadian accents!! I sure don't hear them.

Although.. now that we mention it, I DO DEFINITELY hear regional accents in the States.

LordoftheNight · Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 5276 Location: Hell

Lebrenth wrote:
As for those bickering over the English language, I don't see how an island the size of Great Britain can have so many crazy accents on it and yet call the accents we have in the U.S. a different language.

I think it was more the different spellings snow was talking about.

HalfEmptyHero · Posted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 12:22 pm Post subject:

snow tiger wrote: Don't be hatin' on English! It's the ish!(I can't believe I just said ish)
Though i often wonder......why do we Americans call our own language English and not Amerish, because some of the things we do to the language is very offensive to Englanders(Brits)

England= English
American(should very obviously be)= Amerish

Some one from England is English and speaks English. Someone From America is American and speaks American. Of course, the most popular word for our language is Mer'can. I speak Mer'can

Geek_girl72 · Posted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 2:19 pm Post subject:

Quote: I speak Mer'can

Um, are you aware what word saying it that way sounds like, and what it means? Just for my own information.

The White Blacksmith · Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2629

There are also general words that differ between the two nations. Yes in regional dialects different informal words are in use (Would any of you respond if I started to talk about 'That wazzock who lives next ' jitty'?) but the general parlance is the same. We Brits know where 'Pants' are to be worn, you Americans unfortunately have a fondness for exposing them to the elements.

And a great quote from one of my friends, a few years ago.

"LSD? Isn't that that geographical thing... Long Shore Drift?"

Vikas Muralidharan · Joined: 29 Aug 2010 Posts: 600

LOL, Calvin and Hobbes gives you SOOO many quotes like these :D

Thunderbird · Posted: Fri Sep 16, 2011 8:36 am Post subject:

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean everyone ISN"T really out to get you!

Vikas Muralidharan · Joined: 29 Aug 2010 Posts: 600

Been a while here..

Anyway, "Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool." :P

kc9cra · Joined: 27 Aug 2011 Posts: 44 Location: evansville, Indiana

"By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong."
Charles Wadsworth

"There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so-on."

Robert Byrn

"Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day."

unknown

lol want more?

Vikas Muralidharan · Joined: 29 Aug 2010 Posts: 600

Mayybe ;)

Vikas Muralidharan · Joined: 29 Aug 2010 Posts: 600

Oh.. and I've got this classic:

"The pen maybe mightier than the sword, but the sword doesn't run out of ink"

Kalanna Rai · Joined: 21 Jan 2006 Posts: 3102 Location: The Frozen North

*A good friend will bail you out of jail. Your best friend will be sitting next to you laughing and telling you 'boy did we fuck up'.*