Storygames Home City of IF
Free online storygaming
 

Is This Me? 006 - Freedom
Click here to go to the original topic

 
       Storygames Home -> Is this Me?
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
PopeAlessandrosXVIII



Joined: 10 Oct 2010
Posts: 1858
Location: Surrounded by many beautiful naked men

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 12:26 am    Post subject: Is This Me? 006 - Freedom  

Freedom




Tarith contemplates the options for several minutes, the boy staring at nothing in particular. 'The mountain would keep us away from people, and going on foot along the base would do the same. But I know what prowls these shores, and the mountains are cold this time of year...' Looking down at the boy, whose attention is once again caught by the man's swaying tail, Tarith smiles. 'Well have to risk it. I have some coins I earned back when I lived among humans' With a nod, Tarith begins striding forward towards the awaiting vessel. The soft pit-pat of the boy's feet suddenly bring him to a halt. Spinning around, Tarith kneels down, catching the child by his arms gently. “Umm...” Tarith murmurs, “Well, I don't really know how to put this, but...” Looking deep into the little one's eyes, he says, “We need to think of a name to call you if we're going to be around others. I can't just call you 'boy'.”

___________________

The boy with no name tilts his head from side to side, mulling over Tarith's words. 'A name? I have no name. A name is who you are, is it not? I know not who I am, so how can I have a name?' The child feels the throb of pain he's come to associate with forbidden subjects beginning to manifest at the back of his mind the more he tries to come up with an answer for Tarith. Bringing a hand up, he covers his eyes. 'A name. Perhaps if I think of it like...' Looking back through the memories of Past he has learned to access, he finds a solution.

_______________

Seeing the boy in distress, Tarith panics slightly. 'Oh no. Not again. Not here!' Reaching up, Tarith grasps the little one's shoulders, “It's alright. We don't have to do this now. We could jus-” The kid's voice breaks through Tarith's worrying.

“Darkon. I am called Darkon.” His voice soft, and distant, the boy's hand comes down, revealing calm eyes. Looking up at Tarith, he confirms, “I have no name I remember, yet I am Darkon from what I recall. A classification, not a name.” Tilting his head to the side, the kid asks, “Will that work?”

______________________

Tarith nods, amazed, and somehow, pleased, that he now has something to call the little one. “That will do just fine, Darkon.” Tarith lets the name roll of his tongue, enjoying the feel of it. With a big smile, Tarith gives Darkon a pat on the shoulder before standing and continuing their trek to the lakeside. Tarith catches sight of movement upon the bow of the ferry, and pauses momentarily. A white scraggly head pops up above the edge of the ship, and with a long sweeping movement, a spray of water flies out over the lake. 'Just someone cleaning' Tarith thinks dismissively as an older looking gentleman ducks back down for a second before a bucket attached to a rope goes flying over the side of the ship. With a small splash, the bucket is swiftly pulled back up and vanishes on to the deck.

Tarith looks down to see Darkon watching with rapt attention. Patting the boy on the head, he smiles. “He's cleaning the deck, like we clean dishes, but because he can't dunk the ship in the water, he has to bring the water to the ship.”

The boy tilts his head and looks up at Tarith, “Deck?”

The question almost takes the man by surprise, but he swiftly catches himself. 'Sometimes I forget he only seems to know things I teach him' Shaking his head slightly, Tarith takes a breath. “The deck is what you call the floor on a ship. The upper floor at least.” Tarith motions at the vessel bobbing on the lightly turbulent water. “This is known as a ferry. It takes passengers from one side of a body of water to the other.” Darkon listens intently, head tilting from side to side.

_________________________

Absorbing the new information, Darkon feels the familiar feeling of recall pressing on his mind. 'This. I have seen this. I know this. There is something, I must find' His eyes follow a faint red light moving about beneath the surface of the water. Shifting back and forth, about half way across, it seems to call to the boy. A movement off to his right catches his attention. His eyes move away from the light to watch a figure approach. 'Female' The thought floats across his mind as he studies the one coming towards them.

Taller than Tarith, with long waist length wavy red hair. Large lumps rise off it's chest, covered by a thick piece of purple cloth stretching collar to navel. Tight pants of the same color cover it from waist down to bare feet. Darkon looks back and forth between his flesh and that of the stranger's. 'Again, much lighter. I am different from that' The person stops a couple yards away, and the boy continues his visual examination, noting the lack of tail.

_____________________

Taking a deep breath, Tarith raises a hand in greeting. “Hello there! The boy and I seek passage to the other side. Are you the captain?” The woman spends a long moment looking the new arrivals over, a frown firmly in place across her face. Doing his best not to look nervous, Tarith reaches over and puts an arm around Darkon's shoulders. Tarith feels immediately calmer, the soothing feeling of the boy's warmth beneath his fingers bringing a smile back to his face. When she finally responds, the low hum of her voice is surprisingly soft.

“It's three Ques, per person.” Her muscles ripple as she flexes her shoulders and holds out a hand, “and try not to bother the other customers.” Tarith nods solomly, reaching in his pocket for the correct amount of coins. Fishing out a large red coin, he tosses it to the waiting hand. She rubs a thick finger over the surface, examining the coin with a critical eye. With a grunt, she spins, her thick braid waving with the movement, and stalks off towards the ship. “Johsan! Jezt! We're heading out early! Move your lazy asses!” The captain's voice cuts across Tarith's skin, making him shudder.

So different from the voice she'd used to speak to him, Tarith mutters, “Hard to believe it's the same woman...” The suddenly he realizes, “Oh, uh, they're heading out, come on!” Grabbing on to Darkon's hand, Tarith pulls the boy up the ramp leading to the deck of the ferry. Rushing past all the other riders, Tarith manages to find a place near the bow with no one else around. He pulls the boy in close, shocked at his ability to cope with being in such close proximity of “normal” people after so many years. Looking down, he lets his wired nerves relax as the boy stares back.

_____________________

Through the rush, Darkon had taken note that none of the others on the ship had tails, or dark skin. 'We are both different. Are there others like us? Different. All different' Pressing a hand to his head, Darkon decides to ward off the impending pain with a question. “This water is different from the stream. It doesn't move. Does it have a different classification?” Tarith's hand comes to rest over his own against the side of his head.

Brushing back a few hairs, he answers. “Yes, this is a lake. And your right doesn't move as much, but if you look, you can see ripples and small waves.” At those words, Darkon turns around and peeks over the side. The azure waters lap gently against the side of the ship. Turning his head, his gaze locks once again on the moving light. 'I must get to it. It is there' The floor lurches beneath the boys feet, causing him to latch on to the arm draped over his shoulder. Tarith's left hand reaches out to grasp the railing, while his other wraps around Darkon's ribs.

The boy looks back to see the land moving away slowly. His gaze shifts back down to the water, and he feels his muscles tighten. “Fish” he whispers. Darkon feels Tarith move forward, looking over the side of the ship.

“You're right. Those are fish. Lake fish are different from stream fish mostly, but I wouldn't be surprised to see a few payfran in here.” Tarith says, chuckling. The boy's eyes lock on the water passing below, cataloging each new fish he sees to ask Tarith about later.

_______________________

Tarith pats Darkon on the shoulder before moving away a bit to watch the boy. Listening closely, he tries to gauge how the ferry's propelled forward. Seeing no paddles or sail, there are only two other options he knows of. 'I can't hear any engine, so it must be a Device' A little uncomfortable with the thought of being on a hecta propelled ship, Tarith pulls of his pack, then slides down into a seated position against the nearby cabin wall.

With a deep sigh, he looks off towards the right hand mountains. There, just out of sight for the moment, is a beautiful waterfall. He had seen it only once before, and that was from above as he'd crossed over the river that fed the deluge of water.

~At that time, lights and colors seemed to dance through the mist, the setting sun casting it's deep orange glow across the valley below. The ragged clothes on his back feeling heavy with water and sweat. The thick metal collar rubbing his throat raw, while the four feet of chain still attached dragged through the clear cool river. He had stumbled several times, nearly getting washed over the edge to the death waiting below. He had been crying, making it hard to see. When he'd finally reached the other side, he'd stopped to catch his breath. Looking out through the gap in the mountains towards the lake far beneath him, a part of him wished the river had just taken him there. Taken him away from it all, and just let him rest...~

______________________

After not spotting any new fish for a while, Darkon turns to look for his traveling companion. He feels a throb in his chest at the sight that greets him. Tarith, sitting propped up against a wall, has tears streaming silently down his face. A far away look in his eyes, he doesn't even seem to notice. The light, usually bright an comforting, seems to be getting dimmer and dimmer. The sight propels him forward, the throb growing to a sharp pain. Dropping to his knees right in front of the tailed man, Darkon reaches out towards the light. The second his fingers make contact, images begin flashing before the boy's eyes. Gasping as the sudden rush, he lets them flow through him, his teeth clenching against the pain. Bringing his free hand up, he grasps at his throat, a painful raw feeling burning there, like something scraping across the skin.

Taking a few deep breaths, Darkon forces his mind away from the disturbing images, and focuses on the man in front of him. The boy watches as his own glow stretches out a tendril, down his arm, and into Tarith's chest. Upon contact, they glows flash, and Darkons' becomes bright yellow for an instant, seeming to re-ignite Tarith's, before fading back to it's normal color. Enraptured by the sight, he's startled by the sound of a loud gasp. Drawing back, his eyes snap up to meet shocked multicolored eyes as Tarith stares back at him.

_______________________

A warmth suddenly grips Tarith, drawing him almost violently out of his reverie. The sight greeting him causing him to take a sharp breath. The boy on his knees before him seems to be caught is a whirlwind all his own. His hair whipping around his face, lifting up and moving seemingly all on it's own. Darkon's eye's, now white and devoid of pupil and iris, glow brightly, little licks of light crackling out of the bright orbs to dance across dark lids and cheeks. The boy's finger feel hot against his chest, and when he brings a hand up to cover the outstretched hand, he can feel pure energy race through his body.

Without warning, all the light and heat vanishes, leaving Tarith holding Darkon's hand, staring into steel gray orbs once again. Tarith opens his mouth, a thousand questions ready to tumble off his tongue, but then he realizes something and snaps it shut once again. 'He has no idea what just happened. Somehow, I just know it. If I ask, he'll be hurt again, so for now, I'll just be grateful.' Bringing a shaky hand up slowly, he pats Darkon on the head, smiling softly. “Thanks for waking me from that. I was having some bad memories.” Leaning forward, he licks the boy's cheek. “I am forever in your debt.”

“Do not do that.”

Tarith's eyes widen at the commanding tone in the boy's voice. Drawing back, he looks into Darkon's face, set in an expression he's never seen on the boy before. Stumbling over his own lips in shock, he asks, “W-what?”

_______________________

Tilting his head to the side, Darkon repeats himself, “Do not do that” The, after a couple seconds, he continues, “Do not have bad memories. If a memory harms you, lock it away. Put it where it can not hurt you.” Pulling from Tarith's grasp, he brings both hands to his head. Pressing one to either side of his head, the boy closes his eyes. In a small breathy voice he says, “When the pain comes, I find it's cause and lock it away. Behind the wall, it can not harm me. Without the pain, things are better.” His eyes open, and he looks past Tarith in a distracted manner. “If there is no pain, then it is useful. If there is pain, it in unnecessary.”

Tarith blinks a few times. A slow smile spreads across his face. Strong arms wrap around Darkon's body as he's drawn into a firm hug, shifted around so he's sitting sideways in the man's lap. Burying his face deep into the boys neck, Tarith takes a few shot breaths followed by a really long inhale and sigh. “That may work for you for now Darkon, but, that isn't always the case.” Tarith brings a hand up and begins stroking the child's hair. “Sometimes, it's the painful memories that help you move on, or figure out how to avoid bad situations. And also,” Licking Darkon's cheek again he says,”Without the bad memories, you'll find it hard to treasure the good ones.”

Closing his eyes, Darkon let's Tarith's words sink in. His mind begins buzzing, the wall against what was trembling slightly. 'Is there something over there I need? But, it brings pain, and pain is bad, is it not?' Gritting his teeth, Darkon falls back into categorizing his thoughts. Placing what Tarith just said into a place where he can look it over later, he lets out a small whine before relaxing deeper into Tarith's embrace and letting the newly re-kindled glow warm him against the light cool breeze coming over the side of the ferry.

____________________________

The whine sends a sting through Tarith's body, and when the boy sinks into his embrace, he wraps his arms even tighter around the little one in his arms. Feeling him shiver, Tarith's tail wags slightly. Reaching over into the pack resting against the wall to his right, Tarith fishes around inside until he finds what he's looking for. With a flourish, he pulls out a light brown soft tunic. The boy pulls back and stares at the garment. “You tore up your other one, so I grabbed this one for you. What do you think?” Tarith asks with a toothy grin.

The boy fingers the cloth for a few seconds before slipping both hands inside. Chuckling, Tarith lifts the tunic, and with a quick yank, pulls it on over Darkon's head, and into place. Meant for a slightly bigger person, the neck hole falls open revealing a scared shoulder. “Oops. A little big there.” Tarith laughs before reaching forward and tightening the front ties so the top sits properly on the kid's small frame. “Perfect!” Another tight hug, then the man stands, pulling Darkon up with him. Walking with a hand on the boy's shoulder, Tarith moves to the side once again. Once there, he catches sight of the waterfall.

More beautiful than he remembered, the man stands awestruck by it's immense majesty. Once again, the valley is filled with the dark orange of the setting sun, lighting the vast mist with yellows and reds as they dance out across the lake surface. The distant roar thrums through his chest, filling him with courage. So taken by the sight of nature made power, it takes several tugs for Darkon to get his attention. When he finally looks away from the falls, he spots what the boy wanted his attention for. Between the waterfall and the ferry, some sort of large creature is making spectacular leaps into the air before splashing back beneath the water's surface.

Fearing a possible enemy, Tarith tries to pull Darkon away from the side. The boy's grip on the rail tightens, and Tarith find's him immoveable. “Darkon? We don't know what it's up to, we shouldn't...” His voice trails off when he sees the creature rushing strait for the boat. Stepping to the side, ready to defend Darkon to the death if the thing proved hostile, Tarith snarls fiercely. Blood pounding in his ears, he can feel his heckles rising. Stopping a few meters short of the side, Tarith finally gets a good look at the creature.

With the upper body of what looks to be a teenage girl, her long green hair spreads out in the water all around her, and frames her small round face. Her eyes are a solid jade color with no irises or pupils. No clothing to cover herself, he light fleshy skin, tapers off into dark green scales at her waist. What little he can see of the bottom half seems to be a green fish tail with a red streak down the middle. Brown waterweeds look to be woven into the long strands of hair, and Tarith takes note of webbed claw like finger when she reaches up to brush back some stray bits from her face. Still on edge, Tarith growls low in his throat when she comes a little closer.

______________________-

Watching the creature with the blue glow come closer, Darkon feels the urge to get even closer. He stretches a hand out, trying to touch the creature. He hears Tarith whimper at his side, but doesn't respond. It comes even closer, a melodic hum coming from between her barely parted lips. 'I want this. This here. Like.... before he can even finish his thought, a cry goes out from the top of the cabin.

“Captain! It's here! It's right here!” Without warning, a rope flies out from off tot he right and encircles the creature's torso, trapping it's arms to it's sides. An awful high pitch shriek cuts throught the air as the creature begins thrashing against the pull of the rope. Another rope flies out but misses.

“You there! Luif! Help us out and I'll give you back half you fare!” Darkon turns to see the one called Captain staring at Tarith, holding out a rope. The earsplitting noise and shear confusion of the situation renders Darkon unable to speak, or even think.

++++++++++++++++++

So, what to do? Should Tarith help? And if so, WHO should he help? What about Darkon, what should be done here?! Oh No!
Back to top  
Thunderbird



Joined: 13 Sep 2009
Posts: 2139
Location: Rising from the ashes

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 8:46 am    Post subject:  

An interesting chapter. I have been waiting a bit impatiently for this tale's next installment and you didn't dissapoint.

I was wondering what the rest of those on the ship must have thought when Darkon's hair was going crazy and his eyes were all Raiden'd out and all. No reaction? They must've been in a more private place than I had thought.

Now, in regards to this lake nymph, I think you clued us in nicely when you stated that the boat was being powered in a manner that made Tarith uncomfortable. This suggests that the enemy owns this ship.

Tarith, though, doesn't seem to know what this creature is and certainly, despite her feminine wiles which would have me trusting her all too easily, isn't feeling too comfortable having her so near - yet he is the one who has his memories firmly intact. He hasn't heard anything about this creature that would have lived so near his home-in a lake he's apparently been swimming in at some point?

I'm also curious to know a LOT more about what Tarith remembers about this captain.

So I guess, at the moment, I tend to think of the creature as totally innocent and the crew to be, well, opportunistic and exploitive humans. C'mon... a female is being assaulted here and we're gonna help? I think not. It's time to throw the captain and crew overboard. Act like we're trying to figure out how to use our ropes in assistance, while making a plan to use those ropes to catch the assailants off guard, sending them into the lake! (y'know - tripwire and push) This way we can get ALL our pay back ;) (unless the captain keeps it in a pouch on her belt... ah well...)

I always wanted to steal the boat...
Back to top  
PopeAlessandrosXVIII



Joined: 10 Oct 2010
Posts: 1858
Location: Surrounded by many beautiful naked men

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 9:52 am    Post subject:  

Most of the other occupants were near the aft at the time. There are only about a dozen, and it's a largish ferry. The wheelhous and cabin stands between the fore and aft, blocking the two from view for then duration except for when the move to the rail. By the way, love the description 'Raiden'd'. It's actually rather accurate *Chuckles*

Hecta in general makes Tarith nervous, but the idea of the 'Enemy' owning it is an interesting thought.....If you recal, Tarith passed the lake from above his last time through, and hasn't left the woods since entering it years ago.

As for the Captain.....Never met her from what I now of......

Hah! Still vouching for the violent takeover? I like the idea. Suits me, but I'm not sure Tarith's up for it....*Grin* Darkon is more......*Wanders off*
Back to top  
crazybookgal



Joined: 08 Oct 2010
Posts: 196

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 1:48 pm    Post subject:  

Being realistic here, i don't think a takeover could be done. Darkon is new to, well, everything and wouldn't do well in a fight against hardy sailors. Tarith is a gentle soul and I don't think he'd engage in a fight unless Darkon was in harm's way.

Then again I don't think they should help catch the creature either. This mermaid/nymph might wiggle free on her own. Definately we should keep Darkon from going after her.

So I say give some excuse for not helping, pull Darkon away and if the sailors catch the lady, find her later and talk to her, because she definately is connencted to Darkon.

Awesome chapter-can't wait for the next one ;)
Back to top  
Lebrenth



Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Posts: 1470
Location: Utah

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 2:08 pm    Post subject: Present  

Well look who has caught up? I've ready all of the chapters, and I'm ready to add my voice to the storygame. This last chapter is the best one, with a very good decision point. If we don't help the mermaid, it will be caught and then who knows what will happen to her. If we do help her, we're very likely stuck in the middle of the lake with a whole bunch of angry people. The safe thing to do would be nothing. The right thing to do would be to help the mermaid.

Taking over the ship sounds like a great idea if we can pull it off. Except we're only two against... well, I have no idea. We've been introduced to the captain and two crew members, but as it's a largish ferry, could there be more? And what of the passengers? Are they going to stand by while the ship is highjacked?

I wish we knew more about the situation. For instance, are mermaids intelligent beings that can be trusted, or perhaps are they nothing more than pretty fish? Assuming they are good and intelligent beings, I think taking Tarith's ax (he did bring it, right?) and cutting the only rope that's trapping her would gain her favor. So then when we jump overboard to avoid the wrath of the crew, she'll save us by helping us to the edge of the lake.

However, if we could take over the ship because their numbers are small and distracted and our characters are agile and skilled in combat, then we would have a boat, which would be very useful.

Why are we going to the mountains, by the way? We aren't approaching winter are we?


For a critique, first of all, barley is a type of seed we eat and "barely" is how we describe something that is only sufficiently true. Also "gentle words" instead of "genital words" in chapter one or two.

Sorry, I'm going to tear into the storygame now, but let me say this is a matter of personal taste and I know there are those who disagree. This is how I feel about storygames in general. I prefer much less detail for emotion, conversational nuances, and scenery, and I prefer much more detail for strategic information. Each chapter leaves me with dozens of questions important to a decision, such as the time of year, the location and characteristics of the nearest towns, so much of the information that Lassich could have given us (even if he didn't even know his master's name). Our character is learning how to speak, which is good, but I think it might be more important to learn about what may be hunting him and why then to understand the meaning of the word "deck". For that matter, I already know what a deck is, but I have to guess what is meant by Treimist, Hecta, Luif, etc.

But it is a very interesting world and characters are very well fleshed out. I would like to be out of their heads and hearts a little more, but it's good to know there is so much to them. I can tell you have a very strong understanding of their characters and how they should act according to the situation. Well done! This chapter was good because of a good DP, so I recommend a repeat performance. The DP really should be more than "Do you want to go left or right?" when we know little to nothing about the left or the right.
Back to top  
PopeAlessandrosXVIII



Joined: 10 Oct 2010
Posts: 1858
Location: Surrounded by many beautiful naked men

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 10:37 pm    Post subject:  

- crazybookgal: Thanks for the support, I'm glad you like it!


- Lebrenth: Wow, lot to respond to....lesee....
I guess the main thing I need to address is the lack of information....I suppose I could have times where Tarith sits down and talks/thinks about what he knows, but I find that, in reality, unless there is NOTHING happening, people don't have time to think about it. I can't very well go into detail about merfolk at all, because Tarith knows nothing about them.

I know it would help to know more about the who what when why and wheres, but as I see it, I like having DP based on the characters honest reactions. Let's just say, they don't know how dangerous somthing could be, but they are the natural hero types, they'll charge right into the danger. But, if you the reades know the danger, most likely, they usualy firey hot head might insted stand back, which isn't in his/her nature....

I'm not sure if I'm putting this right...But in essence I guess I'm saying, I want the characters to act like themselves, and 90% of the time(As I've seen) it's following their hearts, not their heads.

But keeping you in mind, I'll try my best to come up with some "Info time" for you in future chapters, kay? Darkon is a curious person, but he very rarly has very complex questions...BUt I guess I could do some fiddling with that steel trap of a brain of his(Hah).

Are merfolk intellegent....Well, as far as TArith knows, there is no answer to that...In truth, Darkon knows, but he can't recall that right now. So, based on what you've seen, what do you think?

Questions, I like leaveing questions. It feels more realistic to me. Due to the iminent danger, there was very little time to question Lassich. For now, Tremist and Hecta can't be fully explaind because Tarith only understands them in the most basic sense....And i guess the loose translation would be Mage and Magic....but it's much more complex then those simple terms...Luif I threw in there for Darkon to ask about later. :P I'm mean that way. *Grins*

I'm positive Darkon will be asking more questions, to answer all of yours, the town info and such, but as for time of year? It's warm enough for light tunics. I havn't decided on the weather system for this world yet, but I guess it's like late spring.

Thnx for the spelling update, I'll go fix those now!

As for that little left right coment there....I have to say it! !I! know what's left and right, and that's for you to find out! That's why I had that question to begin with. :P

Yes, Tarith brought his ax.
Back to top  
Crunchyfrog



Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Posts: 3998

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:02 pm    Post subject:  

My thought would be for each to follow their instinct. Tarith is afraid of the mercreature, Darkon is enchanted by it. Therefore Tarith is most likely to lend his physical strength, and Darkon will continue his gradual piecing together of his own past based on his experiences of the present.

I think doing this would be a plus - they will at least get half their passage back in reward (Tarith's fare) and Darkon would get the opportunity to get closer to the mercreature, assuming they don't kill her first.

If they do kill her and he doesn't have the opportunity to speak with her, then sure, he'll have gained nothing, but he'll have lost nothing either.

Of course the attempts to capture her may fail completely anyway.

Best chapter yet, Pope. Well done!
Back to top  
Thunderbird



Joined: 13 Sep 2009
Posts: 2139
Location: Rising from the ashes

Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2011 8:17 am    Post subject:  

Congrats on your shiny new forum Pope!
Back to top  
PopeAlessandrosXVIII



Joined: 10 Oct 2010
Posts: 1858
Location: Surrounded by many beautiful naked men

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 8:13 pm    Post subject:  

Thanks Thunder-kun, and to all my readers, much luv!

Now, any more suggestions forth comming? We have
1.) Take over the ship
2.) Beg of and talk to the merperson later
3.) (My favorite) Have each follow their instincts
4.) Help capture her

Any more ideas?
Back to top  
Thunderbird



Joined: 13 Sep 2009
Posts: 2139
Location: Rising from the ashes

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 8:17 pm    Post subject:  

I think that pretty much lays out our options, other than just stand there and watch, taking no action whatsoever.
Back to top  
PopeAlessandrosXVIII



Joined: 10 Oct 2010
Posts: 1858
Location: Surrounded by many beautiful naked men

Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2011 4:42 am    Post subject: Shrug  

Ok then, polling....
Back to top  
D-Lotus



Joined: 21 Oct 2004
Posts: 4123
Location: Hollywood, USA

Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 6:55 pm    Post subject:  

A touching story, Pope. I like the connection between the two main characters, and the interpolation of their perspectives is fruitful in getting to the bottom of their psyche. If you are going to pursue a deeply intricate tale of the 'within' of Tarith and Darkon, then do it from different angles. Contrast can help outline a character more effectively than concentrating on every single detail of their thoughts. That is why the contrast Tarith/Darkon is essential to your story, and why even more contrasts would help as well.

Not that you are not doing so already, but I would encourage you to explore the external world which affects the characters. At times it feels as though their location in time and space is a bit hazy. They are so involved in one another, that some crucial information about their surroundings is lacking. If you manage to find an equilibrium between the internal/external, however, I believe that your story would grow in profundity.

My two main pieces of advice, then, are these: work on finding an equilibrium in your contrasts between self/other and internal/external, which are really two variants of the same thing. Some efforts in this direction are appreciated, such as Darkon's description of the female captain and the differences he observes between her and himself/Tarith (it almost seems although they are two sides of the same coin). Don't stop there, keep working that aspect.

Overall, a good piece of work, and a refreshing change from some of the other stories I've been following on this site. :D
Back to top  
Thunderbird



Joined: 13 Sep 2009
Posts: 2139
Location: Rising from the ashes

Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 9:01 pm    Post subject:  

Now, D... why do I find your feedback on other's tales so much more comprehensible to me? (I know the answer- its because its easier to see the positive and negaitve qualities of another's writings than it is to analyze your own...)

I have to say... I completely agree with your thoughts on Pope's writing. Love the depth of the internal world but you pinpointed what makes it tough at times to plough through.
Back to top  
PopeAlessandrosXVIII



Joined: 10 Oct 2010
Posts: 1858
Location: Surrounded by many beautiful naked men

Posted: Mon May 09, 2011 9:43 am    Post subject: Poll Results  

What to do about the Merperson
Help capture her
0% [ 0 ]
Have Darkon and Tarith each follow their instincts
60% [ 3 ]
Beg off and talk to the Merperson later is she's captured or not
20% [ 1 ]
Take over the ship by force
20% [ 1 ]

Total Votes : 5
Who Voted: crazybookgal, Crunchyfrog, D-Lotus, Lebrenth, Thunderbird


. . . . .You guys have no idea what you've just done....I hope you enjoy it *Evil Grin*
Back to top  
crazybookgal



Joined: 08 Oct 2010
Posts: 196

Posted: Mon May 09, 2011 3:49 pm    Post subject:  

oh goodness... :P
bring it on :lol: *curiousity runs rampant*
Back to top  
 
       Storygames Home -> Is this Me?
Page 1 of 1


Powered by phpBB Search Engine Indexer
Powered by phpBB 2.0.16 © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group