City of IF

D-Lotus · Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Posts: 4123 Location: Hollywood, USA

I was looking forward to a description of the environment, but he blacked out upon reaching the exit. Damn limited omniscient narrator. ;)

Crunchyfrog · Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 3998

Fell behind for a couple of days on this one, but all caught up now and voted. :)

Chinaren · Posted: Sun May 01, 2011 12:14 am Post subject:

Sorry for the lack of update yesterday folks, RL has suddenly intruded.

I'll try to get a new chapter out later today though!

PopeAlessandrosXVIII · Posted: Sun May 01, 2011 2:23 am Post subject: I think.....

I had to go with the "Dear god, this can NOT be HAPPENING!" way of thinking...and I seem to be alone there. *Bleh* on all of you and yer niceties about it! Mr.Spazoide suddening seeming so rational, really? Kidding! :P This is fun, and seems to be toning down into a smother plot now. Muches luv!

Keep'em rollin'!

Chinaren · Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 3:30 am Post subject: Chapter 5 - Boots.

A reworked Run is now available as an ebook. You can find it by clicking on the image below.

.

Chinaren.

Thunderbird · Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 7:47 am Post subject:

The Duty you say? An interesting allusion to... well... work I guess.

Rather sad our new friend is already being taken away. And this isn't moving us ANY closer to understanding what that voice he was hearing was... hmm... I would stay hidden under the bed for a little bit, Just enough to make sure those guys were gone. Then I'd start poking around to see what I could find that would be useful for a traveller, weapons, food, a pack, etc... Then cautiously go exploring the woods in hopes of finding this 'wall' she was talking about.

D-Lotus · Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Posts: 4123 Location: Hollywood, USA

Wait for papa.

Thunderbird · Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 7:49 pm Post subject:

That's an interesting idea, D. Though, I wonder, what would we plan to say when he arrives? I'd be a little afraid of how he could react to a stranger being in his house and his daughter missing. On the flip side, such an act might be the more bold and honorable path, as we could explain what happened (hoping he will believe us) and may earn us a rare ally in a threatening world, something we could really use right now.

Ingrothechundyer · Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 9:35 pm Post subject:

An interesting idea. It seems risky as the father might not be in the best of moods when he finds out what happened to his daughter and that they are coming back for him. However if we could get an ally this could be a much needed break.

Now that he is alone with his less then helpful voice possibly he could get some assistance from said voice while trying to figure out what he is going to do?

Chinaren · Posted: Tue May 03, 2011 3:55 am Post subject:

Thanks for the Suggestions guys! I think I can merge these Suggestions and those on Tome, so I'll get to work on the next chapter, assuming I don't get too drunk first. :drunk:

Chinaren · Posted: Wed May 04, 2011 5:07 am Post subject:

A reworked Run is now available as an ebook. You can find it by clicking on the image below.

.

Chinaren.

Thunderbird · Posted: Wed May 04, 2011 8:31 am Post subject:

Take the path least travelled... and stay to the shadows as we try to make our way down the 'less popular' street with the big forboding sign.

Why not ;) ?

Ingrothechundyer · Posted: Wed May 04, 2011 1:23 pm Post subject:

This is a tough one :/

Too bad we don't see an obviously shady character slinking in the shadows that we can ask for more information on this weird city :P

It seems a restricted area is going to be dangerous as we will most likely run into more of the humorless machines. But then again I'm not sure what we gain wandering aimlessly in the city either.

Given the level of control present in this city it would seem that we need at least some information we can use to bluff the security (hopefully long enough to get away or stay out of trouble). Of course then again the security seems to accept some very loose excuses so possibly I am over-thinking things here.

Going to the Duty Office seems like a bad idea unless we get the name of someone that we can use to bluff our way in. Such a fantastic sounding place would almost certainly have some level of security to prevent abuse ;). Of course what would we do if we did get in? Somehow it doesn't seem like it would be a great source of new information.

D-Lotus · Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Posts: 4123 Location: Hollywood, USA

Duty office. At least we know the girl is in there.

Chinaren · Posted: Wed May 04, 2011 10:38 pm Post subject:

So it's looking like a toss up between the road and the Duty house so far.

Quote: Too bad we don't see an obviously shady character slinking in the shadows that we can ask for more information on this weird city

This can also be an option! :D

I'll wait around a bit more before polling. Probably not going to have time to do another chapter tonight anyway. :(

Chinaren · Posted: Sat May 07, 2011 3:19 am Post subject:

Very well, the poll is up, stroll in a direction of voting.

Chinaren · Posted: Sat May 07, 2011 7:55 pm Post subject: Chapter 7 - New Friends.

A reworked Run is now available as an ebook. You can find it by clicking on the image below.

.

Chinaren.

Thunderbird · Posted: Sat May 07, 2011 9:30 pm Post subject:

This guy finds more himself in more pickles than a cuccumber!

What was that object she shoved in our hand before throwing us to the wolves? This must be the trick here but its hard to say without garnering a moment to examine the thing. And we're not going to be given that moment before we must choose fight or flight.

So I say shank the bastahd! A butter knife can go a long ways through flesh if thrust correctly. I mean, literally work ourselves up into a frenzy that no amount of size can out-intimidate. Just go completely ape-shit on the dude. We've got a lot of fear and frustration to channel out anyhow - and we have no bargaining chips so negotiations are out of the question. We must earn respect in this environment now or we will never have any for the rest of the time we're here.

D-Lotus · Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Posts: 4123 Location: Hollywood, USA

Haw-haw, I like TB's suggestion to go apeshit. Unfortunately, I think murdering your cell mates might attract the attention of guards, and atm Randy wants to keep a low profile.

On the other hand, if he gives up his posessions, there's nothing stopping the bullies from taking that important object given to him by Liz. Somehow he must make a stance without compromising the discovery of his identity.

I say he does something dramatic, but not dangerous. For example, take off his cloak and start ripping it to pieces with the knife (is the knife even sharp enough to either do this or attack the men?). It sends the message that if he doesn't get to keep his stuff, then no one else will get it either. And that he's a bit crazy. Hopefully it will deter them from taking away what is truly important here (we think)-- the item Liz gave him.

Chinaren · Posted: Sun May 08, 2011 3:00 pm Post subject:

A load of fantastic ideas here and on Tome! So, a round and juicy poll is up.

Squeeze the fruit of voting.

PopeAlessandrosXVIII · Posted: Mon May 09, 2011 1:57 am Post subject: I Think......

Awwww......I missed the suggestion phase.....Even though mine wouldn't have won... I wanted him to go all prison bitch, and shake his lily white ass. Just suggestion it would have given me a good laugh. But, anyway, GO MAD DOG!!!!

Thunderbird · Posted: Tue May 10, 2011 11:25 pm Post subject:

Move to the Raceway complete! Congrats on being the first to this section C'ren!

There is an added reward for maintaining and participating in Speed SGs now too - some bonus Strata-gems! Should be fun :)

Chinaren · Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 6:24 am Post subject:

A reworked Run is now available as an ebook. You can find it by clicking on the image below.

.

Chinaren.

PopeAlessandrosXVIII · Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 6:37 am Post subject: I Think......

Another fine chapter here, indeed. The sudden killing was fun, and refreshing. A kinda "These things really happen" moment, ya'know? Muches niceness.

What to do, what to do.....Well, the guy leading you around by the nose has given you no real "Friend/Foe" indicaters, but just by knowing your name doesn't help the newcomer's case either.....So.....

I'd say, grab the newcomer by the arm, and try to drag them with so you can all sit down and have a chat later.

AND/OR! Ask the voice. If no answer is forthcoming......go with above suggestion!

Keep'em rollin' Chinaren-sama!

D-Lotus · Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Posts: 4123 Location: Hollywood, USA

We can't just keep asking the Voice as a deus-ex-machina. That's like not making a decision at all.

I say go underneath the door. I feel like this is a distraction he doesn't need, although then again we don't know who this new person is. Regardless, if they really want to contact with him, they can do so in the Free Zone.

Thunderbird · Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 8:05 pm Post subject:

Great chapter C'ren! You did deliver the killing in a very human way - the inner world expressed in Randy's mind was excellent and really took you into the character.

This is a tough DP. From my perception of the spacial layout, I don't think we'd have time to grab the newcomer and drag him through. It's hard to ignore the fact that he knows who we are, especially here. But it could also be a trick, something of a prison defense system. How... I dunno... but it could be. And I don't think he'd want to leave ANYTHING to chance that he might remain stuck here.

I also take it that he didn't recognize the voice immediately - otherwise he'd have considered that in his assessment of the situation. The only person we have any reason to believe is on our side right now is this dark fellow. I say follow him, for we have only risk in the other direction, as compelling as it may be to react to this new voice.

Chinaren · Posted: Fri May 13, 2011 3:02 am Post subject:

Thanks for your comments!

And the poll is up, time to blow the nose of voting.

Guest · Posted: Sat May 14, 2011 12:30 am Post subject:

clothing and the like. Everyday, basic stuff

In chapter 6: you say Like... what about "the likely everyday stuff"

I know this is a speed story, so whenever you get to something just like it, you could add the two together. or turn it into something that is often said.

man c'ren using my brothers name in your story... :P

whistled by his face, missing by a fraction.

Ok tell me exactly does commas have to be used to shorten a sentense...?

Whistled by his face, it missed by a fraction/missing the (whirring) object by a fraction...

Always try and add some tension in a story...

So far I have read it from the last chapter I was at.

Well, Good! I missed the option calling, I'll vote then...

I'd be very afraid to jump through that hole door, I'd think it would be like the mummies-- squish... So I'd say stay...

PopeAlessandrosXVIII · Posted: Sat May 14, 2011 7:40 am Post subject: I Think......

I'ma go with the blubbering idiot phase. He's been a trooper up til now, but I think it's time for total mental breakdown. This can be with, or without, fetal position rocking.

Nice addition, but it's sad that I have as of yet to be on the right side aof a polling :P Keep up the goot work!

D-Lotus · Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Posts: 4123 Location: Hollywood, USA

Ask for more time to think. Request a tour of the resistance fighter's forces, base, technology, etc. :smile:

Thunderbird · Posted: Sat May 14, 2011 3:21 pm Post subject:

I think its time to bring up the 'voice' and discuss the events wherein it has spoken to him and see if they have any insight as to what it could be. This might legitimize him a bit in their eyes as well - suggesting he's special because he has some sort of guardian watching over him.

PopeAlessandrosXVIII · Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 4:41 am Post subject: I Think......

Nice, short, and bloody. Much niceness!

I like how it's so realistic in that, his world just got turned inside out, and right side down, and all he can think of sayiong is "I hear a voice". I really like his breakdown, but the jump in time threw me. A walk to the dorm, and colaps would have made the transistion smoother for me. No pokes, just observations.

I'd go wiiiith.....Shake yer ars at the enemy, and run like hell away from where the girl lay! A truly heroic stance!

Keep'em comin'!

D-Lotus · Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Posts: 4123 Location: Hollywood, USA

Hehe, nice chapter. Transitions could use some work, as Pope said, but this is a speed storygame (I can empathize with you now that I'm writing one too), and things need to move along.

Your characterization is always the most impressive part of your story. I'm beginning to enjoy our unlikely hero. Still, I think it's time he gets a grip and does something for his fellow human being. I think he should try to rescue the dame; let's see if he finally grows a spine. :cool:

Thunderbird · Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 7:47 pm Post subject:

The comedic banter was very well pulled off there C'ren! Loved that discussion about 'the voice'. And, as was stated, his breakdown was so very human of him. You often present us with this character, the 'everyman' uncertain hero. But this time he's gaining in some depth and I like it.

Lust does amazing things for a Man's morale. I say he runs over and attempts to pick her up to carry her over through that doorway - whether he CAN, even with the adrenaline coursing through him, is up to you.

Chinaren · Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 9:50 pm Post subject:

Thanks guys. I thought the jump was a bit abrupt myself, but it would have been too long otherwise (and I was tired). Sometimes the urge to reach the end of the chapter hurries me.

Anyway, I'll be putting up a poll in a few moments!

Fondle the buttock of voting.

Chinaren · Posted: Fri May 20, 2011 9:24 pm Post subject:

Looks like it's the babe then.

Data for 'nother chapter is even now been fed into the Chapter Rendering Extrusion Nodules. Hopefully it should be fully excreted later today (China time).

Vishal Muralidharan · Joined: 24 Aug 2010 Posts: 867 Location: City Of IF!

**Catches up**

BRILLIANT!

PopeAlessandrosXVIII · Posted: Sat May 21, 2011 9:06 am Post subject: I Think......

Poor guy....but I kinda saw that one commin'....

Another good one, very realistic. I also get all happygiggles for some reson when the voice just "Pops" back up! Very very good writtings.

DP....Don't put the people in danger. Leave them behind, and use your idiot skills to get in yerself. Maybe that person who knew your name from before can help you!

Let the war times roll!

D-Lotus · Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Posts: 4123 Location: Hollywood, USA

Of course, it'd be the perfect time to sent shock troops into the city-- now that all the Boots are out on the field.

Convince John that our hero can change the future if he can get into the lab and travel to the past. Then bailing out the council wouldn't be necessary! It's better to risk it all on this chance than to keep hiding like rats in the sewers.

Thunderbird · Posted: Sun May 22, 2011 5:06 pm Post subject:

Sewers... hmm... I say sneak through what hidden passages and waterways you can, entering the sewers beneath Headquarters to find a way in.