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 Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 5:02 pm Post subject: Epic Proportions[CHAP.2-PT.2] |
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Kay, this is a new story I thought up and I want ya'll to tell me what you think of it. This is jus a test story, if you guys like it and the flood of ideas break through the damned dams, I will continue to write on it. Not very long actually compared to some of my stories.
The first part is a description.
What do you get when you thrust a magic wielding lycan, a hot vampiress, a talking raven, and weapon wise scribe in a war of epic proportions against an empire of darkness and an abyss load of daemons? A heck of story that’s what.
Dante is a regular kid, or so he thinks. In fact, he is a rare breed of magic wielding lycans, known of their ferocity in battle and unimaginable skill in mystical forces. He happens to be one of the Chosen, those who are destined to save worlds from ultimate destruction. Dante knows none of this of course, why should he? Dante has lead a normal life as long as he has known, but on his fifteenth birthday, things start to get a little weird. That is if you call horned monsters out of your worst nightmares trying to rip out your lungs a little weird. Soon, and mostly against his will, he is thrust into an epic battle against evil vs. a slightly lesser evil, and since he is part of a rare blood line, he alone of course is the key to saving the worlds.
Saphirais vampire. She is only a baby by vampire terms, fifteen years old and counting. Her goal is to join the ranks of the Hunters, an elite group of assisins specifically trained to take down other opposing factions of vampire and the wild lycans. When Saphira is giver her first target, a lycan in Manhattan, she thinks her victim too easy, since he is her age and quite unaware of his powers. But before she knows it(which is after she gets thrown through a wall), she is sucked into something bigger than she ever imagined. Gifted with abilities that no other vampires had ever been blessed with, her new goal is to help the Chosen( which includes her) fight the brewing war of worlds and get out alive, preferably with all her limbs intact.
Raven is…well, a raven. But a very special raven, mind you. He can talk, cast spells, and tell dirty jokes. He has known of the war of worlds for centuries, always watching when the time had come. It has come, while in the middle of mating season if you can believe it. His job is to guide and educate the Chosen, it makes his job easier with the fact that he is one of them.
James is book worm, he reads faster and absorbs information quicker than anybody on Earth. He should be graduating from college, but he would rather not be stuffed into garbage cans by people over the age of nineteen. Instead, he has chosen to stay in high school as a freshman, and of course, being the new kid is never easy and fact that he carries almost all of the geekish looks attributed to nerds doesn’t help at all. Smarts are never appreciated in high school. But in the middle of a swirly, a shadowy being rips open the offending bullies then disappears, leaving James with blood all over. Before he is transported to an asylum for the locally insane and mentally scarred patients, a talking raven rescues him from the van and he joins a normal looking boy and beautiful vampiress to wage a war that would make Hercules piss his loincloth.
The actual "chapter" is in the next post.  Thanx for reading this far!
Last edited by Guest on Thu Jan 25, 2007 9:24 pm; edited 5 times in total
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| Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 5:08 pm Post subject: Epic Proportions-Prelude |
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Prelude
Raven watched two lovers passionately kiss in the moonlight, well technically it was the street lamp but they thought it was the moon light.
They had just left from a date that had gone particularly well and it was about to get better. The man was slowly leading woman, while still kissing her, to the entrance to his house.
Once in, they would get drunk, make love, sleep, make love again, become engaged, get married, have kids, remain in love for a short time, have forbidden affairs, then divorce after a month of arguing and fight like animals to gain guardianship over the children.
Love was ruined when you were a prophetic raven. The bird watched the pair enter the house, the lights were turned on and the door shut.
Raven snorted through the nose holes in his beak and flapped his black wings. He silently rose in the air and glided off down the street, past Cornwheel drive.
He flew over the bicycles left out in the yards and the small cars that decorated the drive ways. Wins ruffled his feathers and the real moonlight gave him energy. After flying a bit of a ways, he rested on flickering street lamp. He had reached his destination in much shorter time than he expected and took a moment to rest.
Raven shifted his weight to one foot to the other, clumsily grasping the slippery metal crown of the street lamp with his claws. After all the years he had been a bird, he had never gotten use to perching on fat metal objects and he never dared try the telephone wires.
The image of himself exploding into a puff of black feathers with all the attractive female ravens watching didn’t exactly appeal to him. The catch about being able to see the far ahead future was that he was not able to view his own future and avoid the troubles that were to come.
It was better that way Raven supposed. If he did know that he was to die a horrible death, he would stay in the large oak tree that was home and never leave.
Raven shifted in his position again and began scanning the row of neat house splayed out before him. He found one and flew over to it. He flapped his wings hard as he hovered around the house, trying to find the window that was the child’s room.
He finally found it and perched in the jutting window seal. His eyes scanned the dark room as if it were bright as the sun. His night vision always came in handy.
Raven finally spotted the child, more of a teenager actually. His eyes narrowed. This one was definitely not part of the Chosen. Way too fat and lazy looking. The adolescent looked as if he had eaten one to many twinkies and had not yet gone to the bathroom.
The bird shuddered, never wanting to be that obese. The kids in this day and age were getting fatter every decade.
The raven flew away and went to another house and another and another. Every time, the teenagers did not fit the recent vision he had seen. All of them were either, too fat, too skinny, to dark of heart, or too good of heart to be the one he was searching for. Finally, it came down to one house and it was nearing sunrise. Raven had to hurry, the Watchers came at day light, and they would fry him like crispy chicken if they found him scouting out the leader of the Chosen.
Raven hurried to the window and peered in and he couldn’t help smile.
There sleeping peacefully, was the leader of the chosen. The aura that leaked out of the teenager was almost tangible and flowed with power. Raven hopped about, almost too excited to speak.
“Finally, I have found you. After all those damned years of searching I have found one of them, and the leader of them all. Your birthday is only a day a way…cautious you will need to be.”
His words of course fell on sleeping ears. The bird did another hop then flew to the roof. He would make a nest here on the roof, like all the other birds. Nothing would be suspicious about it. The problem was, the roof seemed to be taken.
An ugly fowl was sleeping near the chimney. Its head was tucked under its wing and signs of old age were evident. Raven was not the one to kick the elderly out of their home, even if they were of limited intelligence. He would build an abode on the house next door. The next best thing.
Raven lifted from his perch and flew over to the neighbor’s roof, closest to the window. It didn’t take long to build a comfortable and sheltered nest.
In fact, he didn’t even move to go get some twigs.
Last edited by Guest on Thu Jan 18, 2007 7:44 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Masterweaver
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| Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 5:15 pm Post subject: |
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Interesting.
Could this be another of the infamous orcish escapedes?
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| Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 5:23 pm Post subject: |
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| ...uh...what?
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 10:48 pm Post subject: |
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Humm, a little Norse mythology wouldn't hurt this one Fenris, after all you've already got the Wolf and the Raven fighting the battle of ages.
However, as a wise person once told me, the lesser of two evils is still evil. If you've got that as a battle plan I'd look to see at least one of them turn traitor or at least have most of them battling for purely selfish reasons. Evil heros are rarely out to save the world because it's the 'right' thing to do. They normally expect to gain something from it.
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Phang
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| Posted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 8:39 am Post subject: |
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Ooh. A story I'm really interested in, for once.
Oh, and just ignore Weaver, Fen. He doesn't read stuff, just throws words together based on the jist of the piece.
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Stuff here
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dinranwen
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| Posted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 2:13 pm Post subject: |
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I agree with Rai, a little Norse Mythology wouldn't hurt or any Mythology for that reason.
Mainly I am curious...why does this world need to be saved? And from whom/what?
I like that it is set in a modern setting, that would make things interesting. If, that is, you used the setting to your advantage. For example, the Bad Guy/Girl/Monster/It is a normal buisness successivel buisness person or someone in politics. I've only seen the main bad guy as an advage guy only once, and he wasn't doing it for the typical reasons either (world control, money, etc), I think something like that can work here too.
Oh! Another bright idea. *lightbulb appears over Din's head* How about the challenges the heros face are wrapped in normal things you and I use today...like computers, cars, planes? (computers would work definetly, I think). In places like Libaries, Museums, and movie theaters, where the heros have to go in and do what they have to do without attracting any attention whatsoever? To have to deal with Normal People, Normal Things, in Normal Places, whilst still keeping their identity hidden and without making any mistakes.
But don't listen to me....decide it for yourself, but still try to use the situations/settings to your advantage instead of being a disadvantage.
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Masterweaver
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| Posted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 4:15 pm Post subject: |
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Listen to her! She's important!
And the raven's a bit cliche, don't you think?
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| Posted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 4:48 pm Post subject: |
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| Well, I am planning our "heroes" to travel to differnt worlds so they won't be sticking to Manhattan a lot, but I'll definitely use your guys suggestion, I'll have do some research or Norse mythology a bit, but the first three chapts I think I'm maingly going to focus on the characters themselves.
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| Posted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 6:52 pm Post subject: |
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That was a fun story
I liked it showing the story through the mind of a bird, and it made me laugh when he was thinking of never going on the telephone wires because of the female birds.
I think that this would be an interesting story. I'm adding it to my favourites. Good luck with the story Fenris. 
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| Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 3:57 pm Post subject: |
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| Sweet! Thanks Pattern. Like the Princess Monoke avatar, the only anime that I found decent. I've decided to continue this story, and the first chapter is practically done. All I need to do is finish the ending with suitable DP choices. BRB.
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| Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 5:05 pm Post subject: Epic Proportions-Chapter One-New Day |
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OKay guys, this is an EXTREMELY LONG chpater for me (six pages in Word), so yeah, make sure you have time to read this stuff kay? lol.
Epic Proportions
Chapter One-
New Day
Dante
School. The bane of any teenager’s existence. It sucked the fun out of the day, absorbing all chances of enjoying the brightness or the gloominess of the morning and evening. It was like a fire in which all teenagers avoided, but were always, in the end, consumed in the flames. I was no different.
The large building looms before me, like a monster with its jaws wide open. It beckons me and seems to be, with its red and gray arms wide open and the stainless windows staring me down, invite me in. I give it the metaphorical finger and sigh, time to pay the piper.
Using my left leg as a pedal and keeping my right foot on the skateboard, I close in on the building, picking up speed every time I push. I reach the stairs and ollie over three cement steps and bounce over another two. The skateboard comes to an abrupt halt and I snatch it up, again releasing a sigh.
This school was bigger than my last one. Almost twice as wide and five times as long, it contained three stories of hell, many of the circles named Biology and Math. I miss my old hometown, it was small and quaint and perfect. Everyone knew each other there, there were no strangers, you didn’t feel this uncomfortable on the first day of school.
But this town was right next to the big city, Manhattan and traffic was a living nightmare, especially when it was hot and with the broken AC, it felt like Hell would be the Artic compared to the inside of the car. Moving was hard, but resuming my life here would be harder. New town, new school, new rules. I intended to just sit back and observe.
I tuck the skateboard under my arm and shift my backpack in a more comfortable position on my shoulder. A sea of high school kids surrounded me, milling about, shouting greeting to those who they knew and glancing at the new people who seemed worth noticing.
Two security officers stand by the double doors and the kids have to pass through two metal detectors, I go clean after tossing my watch, a handful of change, a ring, and a point to my earrings. The halls are huge, spanning wide and far. They dwarf me and other students, but the one’s that are familiar with this place treat it like a lost friend. They hold high pieces of paper, mumbling out their locker numbers and thinking their combination keys.
That reminds me. I reach into my pocket and pull out my own slip of paper.
“Locker 123/C# 469231.”
My locker is all by its lonesome, next to abandoned holders who have not been assigned their user. Perhaps it’s better this way. The locker is big, more than enough room for my skateboard. I stuff my precious traveling partner inside and scan the neat tower of book that sit awaiting on the top shelf. If my memory is correct, I had Earth Science next then after that English.
Picking the two books off the pile, I quickly fill my backpack with them and turn to walk down the hall, to flow with the ever increasing river of students. I hit a brick wall. Well, technically, it’s a senior but it felt like a brick wall.
I stumble back surprised and clutch at my nose. Glancing up, a brutish looking high school kid smiles down at me, he was more like a bulldozer. Despite the screaming impulses to mutter, “Sorry” and quickly side step the senior, I growl in an angry voice, “Watch where you’re standing.”
This induces chuckles and the senior cocks his head, amused and if a bit surprised at my idiotic spunk. He steps in close, shoving his face in front of mine. His breath is enough to make onions cry and I flinch from the gruesome stench. He mistakes that for fear and smiles, thinking he has won.
“You’re the new kid, right?”
“Correct,’ I say as shoulder my backpack again, watching him and his friends carefully. If they allowed an opening I would make like bugs bunny and zip away. I didn’t need a fight right now, much less enemies.
“Your name?”
“Dante,” I say, if a bit red in the face. The name was flashy and in some ways girlie.
The Senior laughs and his friends follow his lead, like little rats. “Bones. Rodeny Bones.” With that simple statement he backs off and walks away, his friends glancing back at me grinning. Freaks. I shake my head, shoving the recent encounter to the back of my mind. It was the first day; try to get out of the school alive.
<<<>>>
Falling. Hitting the floor. The wind is knocked out of me as if someone hit me with a sledgehammer, my bones creak and I cough up blood. I’m laying eagle spread against the ground, my vision is blurry but the voices are the same. They always are.
Growls and hisses, flapping of wings and the scuttling of paws, they are all I hear along with the indistinct voices. I strain my thoughts and senses, trying to catch what is being exchanged.
“Time and time again. Always flowing,” says one voice, deep yet shallow.
“It has come, worlds are drawing near. They are here, where are the rest?” asks another voice, weedy and thin.
“Which choosing? Will they turn, will they fall, will they dance? Do they bleed? All is for certain and everything is questioned,” hisses another voice.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a light comes into the darkness, slicing its way through the thick shadowy strands that surround me. The beams of light with their serrated edges saw and cut at the darkness, sending the shadows screaming and spitting.
“Chosen,” booms another, calm and violent, passionate yet relaxed.
“Mr. Anderson!”
The voice jolts me out of my dream and drags me back into reality. I open my eyes quickly and light strikes my pupils as if they were lances. I blink rapidly and stare at the angry face of my new Math teacher.
I blink groggily and sit up, staring at my notes confused.
“Would you care to tell me what number 17 is?” asks Mr. Kakiek.
My eyes follow his pointing finger and settle on the long equation on the board. X and y intercepts, we weren’t supposed to learn this until near the end of the second quarter. My eyes scan the problem, sizing them up and working the problem in my head.
I bark out the answer, which is two seconds later after he has pointed at it. Mr. Kakiek pauses stunned. He opens his mouth and frowns again. He moves away from my desk, staring at the problem. “Correct.” He walks away, to the front of the class again, leaving me alone with my thoughts for the time being.
The desk creaks as I lower my forehead and press against it. The same dream, I’ve had the same dream for the past month, always the same thing. Visualizing whispering voices, cryptic messages, the weight, the distant pain. I look up at the board, easily figuring out the problems in a flash.
White against green, the scribbling sound verse silence of the class. Half of them are asleep, the other half paying attention, if only slightly. There are 22 students in the large airy room. Most are freshmen, since this is a freshmen class. The higher grade student were most likely failures of last year or the years before.
Plenty of pretty girls, mostly freshmen, are sitting the desks, but for some reason, non-appeal to me. I guess the loss of Jessica still hasn’t worn off yet, even though it’s been almost two months. I remember the fury and pain I had felt when I had caught her and Dennis behind the school, feeling each other and kissing.
What I did to him was justified nonetheless, but Jessica hadn’t even considered forgiving me. After all, I had ruined the guy’s face beyond recognition. I wonder if the blood stains are still on the wall. My fists clench and unclench, still remembering the sensation of my knuckles cracking against his thick skull. The sophomore hadn’t a chance when I came at him.
Soon, class is over I have a fifteen minute break between classes. So far I have made four enemies, Rodeny Bones and his crew and made zero friends. This day was going well. Literatureflew by like an arrow, filling my head with bucket loads of information I wouldn’t be using or referring back to in my later life.
The other classes were the same, boring and informative, though my Criminal Law teacher was funny and had an awesome personality. He would throw jokes in and heartily explain why most of the Justice system was full of unintelligent idiots who should have been drowned at birth.
Finally, school was over and I was free. The sensation of the sun against my face brought a small smile. Throwing my skateboard to my feet I ollie up and unto one of the rails, grinding my way downward. I landed and began to skate away. Usually one of my friends would have brought his car, but that was back home, my real home.
Trees whiz by me along with cars filled with passengers. I continue to skate away, plugging in one earphone bud and turned the volume all the way up. Tool’s, “The Pot” whispers into my ear, filling my head with music and make me nod softly.
“Who are you to raise your finger?
You must have out your hair.
Eye hole deep in muddy waters
Ya practically raise the dead.”
A kickflip, then a three sixty nollie. Might as well have fun while riding home.
“Rob the grave to snow the cradle
Then burn the evidence down
Soapbox house of cards and glass
Don't go tossin' your stones round (round)”
Suddenly, it grows cold. It happens to fast, I barely realize it. The sun that had once been beaming down on me is shoved to the side and replaced by clouds. The wind intensifies and I catch a bewildered face of a driver that is passing me by. She’s confused too.
The sky rumbles, the clouds echo, and the wind screams in my ear. What is happening? What is with this weather? I keep boarding, racing the wind, racing a losing track run. The breeze has become like a whip, slashing against my back and propelling me and by board forward into greater speeds.
“You must have been
high...
Foot in mouth, and head up ass
so whatcha talkin' 'bout?
Difficult to dance round this one
'Til you pull it out …
boy,
You must have been so high...”
Suddenly, I am not the one guiding the board, the board is guiding me and it’s moving at an incredible speed. It turns flawlessly, propelling me down another stretch of neighborhood road, towards the large park. I balance myself on my wild transportation, not even trying to stop it.
We pass houses, kids who are out in play or are just getting home gap at the speed I’m going. They have no idea what’s going on and unfortunately, neither do I.
“Steal, borrow
Reefer save your shady inference
Kangaroo done hung the juror with the innocent.
Now you're weeping shades of cozened indigo
Got lemon juice up in your eye
When you pissed all over my black kettle.”
My MP3 turns off by itself, I can hear the button being pressed, except I didn’t press it.
Finally, we leave the rows of houses and get nearer to the desolate park. The board yanks to the left and I nearly fall off, but then it stops, so suddenly that I fly forwards and hit the grass in front of me. I hit it hard. Dirt flies up and I bounce off the cold wet grass and roll. My chest hurts like crazy and my vision goes all blurry.
Suddenly, out of the bent trees behind me, the wind intensifies. The four rows of trees bend to make an archway. Their limbs crack and strain as they lower the branches to make like a gateway. Mist flows upwards and into the archway.
Where the hell did mist come from? Why were the trees doing that? The wind was strong near me but strong enough to do THAT.
Suddenly, the mist in the archway intensifies and looks like its being sucked in a whirlwind. The trees begin to die, their bark that was once brown turns and dullish gray then begins to rot. Pieces of wood fall and break away. Terror grips me, enwrapping me in its cold and dead arms. I can’t move. I’m petrified in place.
All I can do is watch, in fear and in anticipation.
DP
What steps out of the strange archway? And what is it's message that will slowly reveil and unfold all that is about to happen?
A Minotaur?
A Serpent?
A Hooded man with wings?
A gerbil?
Pick wisely...and make sure its a bit threatening, what is the gerbil gonna do? Gnaw him to death?
Last edited by Guest on Sun Jan 21, 2007 11:49 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Shogun
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| Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 5:15 pm Post subject: |
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Your a greedy little bastard, aren't you? lol, I'll give you my fables, I won't be coming on much longer, too busy. But I had to read this story since you wouldn't stop talking about it in class. lol, it is rather good.
Also, I gotta talk to you on the phone, horrible news.
'
On the story:
Very good, again it is still edgy in my opinion but still very good and it kept me reading! Keep it up, "Fenny".
_________________
I'm ripped across the ditch, and settled in the dirt and I'm
Wiggled like a stitch, yet I'm the one who's hurt
Pay attention to your twisted little indiscretions
I've got no right to way, I'm just caught up all the battles
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| Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 5:23 pm Post subject: |
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That was amazing  .
It's so life-like, I skate. Do you? (Just wondering since you know some stuff about skateboarding)
| Fenris wrote: | | The wind was strong near me but strong enough to do THAT. |
Should it be: The wing was strong near me but NOT strong enough to do THAT.[/quote]
Also I think a minotaur should come through the archway, I have always been obsessed with minotaurs, and I have a few fantasy books on minotaurs. Great story, and I hope this goes on for a long time.[/quote]
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| Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 7:40 pm Post subject: |
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Good thing I put a minotaur in there then, eh? Thanks for the compliments guys and remember, critique is always welcome!
Also, there are actually two descions that you guys have to make.
- What comes out of the archway.
- How does this man or creature break it down to Dante about who he is, what he is, what is about to happen and why he has been having strange dreams?
Please make you decions to as I am very eager to write the next chapter and reveil Safira and company.
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Masterweaver
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| Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 7:49 pm Post subject: |
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Pac-Man comes out of the archway, bringing news that the other game sprites are planing a rebellion.
What?
I'm serious!
_________________
Sarothen, Mesoli, Gerastro
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| Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 7:52 pm Post subject: |
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That would provide an intresting twist indeed, but still, if one more person agrees with it, it will go up among the polls.
Thanks for posting Weaver, even though you probably didn't read the actual story *rolls eyes dramatically* lopl
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| Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 4:37 am Post subject: |
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| Fenris wrote: | That would provide an intresting twist indeed, but still, if one more person agrees with it, it will go up among the polls.
Thanks for posting Weaver, even though you probably didn't read the actual story *rolls eyes dramatically* lopl |
*Agrees completely*
Will the thing that comes out of the archway be from the different world, and will it be evil or good? Or will that wreck the story?
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| Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 12:55 pm Post subject: |
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| Its your choice, just make sure it doesn't completely twist the story because I want the same plot.
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Phang
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| Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 1:00 pm Post subject: |
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Dude, never underestimate gerbils. They can move faster than visible and reduce thick material to tatters. And baby ones will make you bleed.
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| Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 1:03 pm Post subject: |
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....Great, now I'm scared of gerbils. Thanks a lot, Phang.
Anywaz! Pick peoplez pick! My fingers twitch to write the second chapter so that I can get this to fantasy storygames and then I can actually phucking paid for what I'm writing. 
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Phang
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| Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 1:10 pm Post subject: |
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| Fenris wrote: | | ....Great, now I'm scared of gerbils. Thanks a lot, Phang. |
Well on the plus side, they're more confident than hamsters and thus less likely to savage your hands. Other than aforementioned young'uns, who think you're food.
As for the DP, I'll go for...a large snake. Wearing shell/armour-type stuff*. And with a permanent grin on his face - why? Why not? Who knows?...
*I'm going through a phase. Makes for cool drawings though.
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| Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 1:20 pm Post subject: |
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| Lol, I ill definitely put it in.
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 4:36 pm Post subject: Re: Epic Proportions-Chapter One-New Day |
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| Fenris wrote: | | OKay guys, this is an EXTREMELY LONG chpater for me (six pages in Word), so yeah, make sure you have time to read this stuff kay? lol. |
Six pages of word isn't what I'd call 'time consuming' but then this is me you're talking to the person who wrote stuff so long IF shut down!  Needless to say I had plenty of time and don't be shy about writing long chapters...they have their advantages where detail is concerned.
| Fenris wrote: | | “Mr. Anderson!” |
Whoa, where did Keanu come from.  Just kidding but that is the first thing I thought when I read that, laughed for a whole six minutes. I was tempted to say Agent Smith came out of the portal even...
However, I think that a Harpy should come out of the portal and, as Harpys are wont to do, screech at him about how all his efforts will be for naught and that she and the forces she serves will triumph in the end...at which point Raven shows up and begins instructing him in Ass-kicking 101...
Keep it coming Fenris...you've got me waiting to see just how your mis-matched anti-heros will pull it together and accomplish their goals.
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"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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| Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 5:12 pm Post subject: |
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Minotaur good. That's awesome, a good minotaur. Please let it be that. I'll pay everyone 100 fables to vote for a good minotaur*
*Not really...
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 5:16 pm Post subject: |
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Aww...I got completely ignored. Bad Fenny bad...
_________________
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"Music makes you braver."
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| Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 10:00 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm sorry, Rai. I sent the PM before you had posted. My bad, I'll make it up to ya.
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Phang
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| Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 10:34 pm Post subject: |
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Voted for armoured serpent, it being the evil one.
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| Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 11:03 pm Post subject: |
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I knew it, lol.
So far, only two people have voted. I have an interesting idea if the vote remains tied. Anyways, vote people vote.
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| Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 11:07 pm Post subject: |
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| Fenris wrote: | I knew it, lol.
So far, only two people have voted. I have an interesting idea if the vote remains tied. Anyways, vote people vote. |
Where I am it's 7am, so maybe you should give people a little more time. 
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| Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 11:13 pm Post subject: |
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| Oh...what the hell are you doing up at 7am?
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| Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 11:18 pm Post subject: |
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| Fenris wrote: | | Oh...what the hell are you doing up at 7am? |
Woke up at 4:30, got up at 6. Regular Saturday morning occurence.
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| Posted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 2:28 am Post subject: |
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What do you do? Watch cartoons?
Being sarcastic. I never wake up early on saturdays.
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| Posted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 5:10 am Post subject: |
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| Good story. I hope to see more soon. I am bloody busy in life. My home workbooks are piling by the minute and i have to concentrate asif that would help. Hey Your story is actiolly in a good point of view. It would have been cool if a Hooded man with wings came out and he was good. anyway i like mntrs too.
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| Posted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 5:34 am Post subject: |
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Hey, maybe if you have enough votes and the highest 2 are a good and evil one, perhaps you can put them both coming out of the portal, say the good minotaur and the evil serpent, when they come out they both fight eachother and have one win. Since one would probably have more votes let that one win, but just to make the story more exciting make the second best vote fight the best. Just an idea don't have to use it.
Or if there is a tie make them both come out and fight, but the one that wins is the one that will make your story more interesting. I can't wait for the newest chapter, I'm excited.
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| Posted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 6:28 am Post subject: |
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| Maybe it can only hold a maximum of six poll choices?
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| Posted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 12:10 pm Post subject: |
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My thoughts exactly Patter
@lordofthenight
I was wondering that too.
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| Posted: Sun Jan 21, 2007 10:14 pm Post subject: |
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Epic Proportions
Chapter Two-Part One
Rumble in the Park
My mouth is open and I'm afraid that a bug might fly in, but I can't find the strength to close it. What's happening before me is just too shocking. The trees, the wind, the mist, the forming gateway, it's all too much. I backpedal wildly, struggling up onto my feet. I had to get away from here, this was crazy, no way was I getting close to that thing!
I didn't even reach the parking lot before a gust of wind lifts me off my feet and tosses me back to my original position. Grass flies up in chunks as I hit the dirt hard. Pain arches up my back then settles as I lay there, breathing hard. The mist is thickening, stretching beyond to cover the entire park. I can feel the air beginning to dampen and already my shirt is beginning to stick to my skin.
Creaking sounds and whistling tunes float through the air, emitting from the trees and from the thickest part of the mist that is making up the gateway or archway or whatever the thing is. My muscles are tensed and I can't stop shaking, terror and excitement grip me both at once, struggling for rights of mind emotions. I push both back time and time again, but they keep coming. I fight a losing battle.
Suddenly, the rushing wind and the flowing mist stop. Everything becomes silent, as if time has taken a break and everything has stopped moving. Everything but my thumping heart. I can hear it in my chest, beating rapidly as fear and exhilaration energize it. What is coming out of that arch? Something is coming out, I can feel it in my bones. It's like a deep in set chill that travels up and down them, rattling them and making me shake.
The ground trembles, surprising me and making me jump out of my stillness. I clamber to my feet, wiping the collected dirt from my back pockets, shirt, and knees. Again, the earth moves under me, as if a giant is stomping on the ground. I glance at the trees, they shake with every rumble, the dead leaves fall to the floor, floating down gently.
I turn back to the mist covered arch way and what I see stuns me. A figure, deep within the mist. A large figure, gigantic in fact. I can't make out the full details but all I know is that it's big and it has two horns, like a bulls. My saliva runs cold in my mouth, making it hard to swallow, which I desperately need to do now.
The horned monster continues forward and the rumbling of the ground increases in volume and ferocity with each step the creature makes. Finally, in an explosion of mist and wind, the monster walks out in confidence, ax hanging loosely in its hand and horns dampened with the vapor that hangs in the air.
A minotaur. I recognize it instantly, having studied them in Mythological class back home. A bull like face, the torso and arms of a giant, the legs of an animal, like a goat or a bull. Hooves replace feet, and talons replace fingernails. The minotaur stares at me, the ax swinging softly, slicing into the tall grass, cutting the heads.
Impossible. Minotaurs didn't exist, they never have. This must be a dream. It is a dream. Time to wake up! I pinch myself, all I get out of it is a twinge of pain. No, no, no! This is not happening!
"Come on," I hiss angrily at myself. "Wake up!"
Glancing forward and above, I view the minotaur's face. It's staring at me, eyes narrowed and thin streams of vapor jetting out of its flaring nostrils. Probably eight to eight and a half feet tall. Pure muscle and fur. Something I wouldn't dream of messing with. I keep pinching myself harder as I stare a it. It's all a dream. "All a dream," I whisper.
"Are you Dante?" the thing asks. Its voice is deep and raspy, grating against the edges of my ears and making me frown. I hate those type of voices. It was a he judging by the pitch, it sounded like a he anyways. Ignoring the minotaur's question, I keep pinching and slapping. Soon my forearm is blood red and throbbing painfully.
"No, no, no!"
"You are not Dante?" he asks, confused.
"Wait, Yeah, I'm Dante," I gasp. This is one crazy dream. "You're not real right? Just a figment of my imagination! I must have fell while skateboarding, probably lying on the sidewalk right now. Like a bum." I laugh nervously. I had given up on pinching myself.
"I guided you here," growled the bull-man. His ax lifts up, supported by barrel like arms, corded with steel like muscle and thick fur. "Do you know who I am?"
This was a dream. This was a dream. Please let it be a dream!
"Uh, no," I say uncertainly. I watch the ax carefully, if that monster even so jerked it my way I would dive to the left. The minotaur snorts, another stream of vapor spraying into the damp air. The mist seemed to have increased. Stepping forward, the minotaur lurches closer to me, his hooves crushing the grass and small twigs below.
"I am Sergoth," he hisses. His breath stinks, like some rotten meat. I try hard not to gag and instead breathe deeply. This can't be happening...but why the smell. In dreams you usually don't smell things so clearly. Am I going crazy?
"And you," he says, jabbing his thick finger into my chest. "Are scum of Evil. Your presence is a bane here in these worlds. I have been sent to eliminate you, such evil as yours should not be allowed to exist."
I open my mouth in protest. Evil? What evil? I had done some bad things but hardly any of them would have been dubbed evil. This was too weird, no way was this really happening. "What evil? I hadn't done anything!"
"No, but you will, along with the Chosen," he growls.
The Chosen! Like in my dreams! Oh crap...
Sergoth roars, saliva hits my face along with a fresh blast of rotten flesh smell. But the roar is terrifying and it literally blows me back. The battle cry sounds in my ear, echoing and growing louder. I fly back and hit the ground for the third time within the thirty minutes I had been in the park.
Disoriented, I struggle up, shaking my head. What was happening? This was no dream. A blow to the chest knocks the wind out of me and sets me sailing in the air. My back slams into a tree, knocking loose bark and making leaves rain down on me, like funeral flowers. Pain engulfs my whole torso, as if it was on fire. I can't breathe! I need air! I take in deep gulps, as if the air was water.
Glancing up, I spy the minotaur walking slowly towards me. Sergoth had hit me wit the flat of his ax, putting my like a gold ball. Compared to him, I was a golf ball. I needed to get away! I struggle up, my legs almost giving out from under me. My shoes hit the grass and I speed up.
Sergoth roars again, making me stumble and fall. I can feel the ground shake underneath his hooves. I'm a dead man. Sergoth stops in front of me and kicks out, catching me in the ribs. The blow causes agony, I gasp as I fly again. I might as well become a bird. Tree limbs shake as I hit another tree trunk and I cough up blood.
I should be dead right now. No way could I have survived that! My ribs weren't even broken. Everything was blurry as I neared unconsciousness. I couldn't take another blow before blacking out.
"You are very strong in that form!" roars Sergoth angrily. He rumbles forward, his thick hooves smashing the ground as he walks towards me, twirling his ax. "Let us see if your thin hide can resist the edge of my blade."
"Get up," screeches a voice above me. Great, now I MUST be imagining this voice. No one had come into the park with me, and if someone had, they were probably allies with the lumbering minotaur over there.
"Actually I'm not. I hate that cow's guts," responds the voice above as if reading my mind.
"I did read you mind," says the screechy voice.
Curiosity forces me to look up, into the twisting limbs of the oak tree. All I see is a raven staring down at me. It couldn't be the raven, it wasn't logical.
"Screw logic," screeches the raven. "You think that-," says the raven, using the tip of its wing as a finger to point at the approaching minotaur, "-is logical?"
"Definitely not," I manage to wheeze. God, my ribs hurt.
"Get up," says the raven. I obey, something wills me to. I stand on shaky legs, firm though and steadfast. It's as if the bird is lending me strength. I curl my fists and glare a the minotaur. Sergoth laughs uproariously. "So, the mighty Dante decides to fight."
Sergoth lifts up his huge battle ax. He's getting closer with every giant step. "This will not last long."
"What are we gonna do?" I whisper to the raven. I hear a flutter of wings and something alights on my shoulder, pressing down on my shirt. Its the raven, looking something fierce. Sergoth stops cold in his tracks at the sight of the big black bird and uncertainty plays on his ugly features.
The raven seems to chuckle. "Welcome to Ass-Kicking 101. Class is in session."
>>><<<
Hope you guys enjoyed this first part of this chapter! The rest will be up shortly, but I need to go to bed!!!
Thanks Rai for the first part of the last line!
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 11:18 am Post subject: |
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Ah good old Ass-Kicking 101...
You are forgiven Fenny...can't wait to see what happens...
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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| Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 12:06 pm Post subject: |
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| Next Part will be up shortly!
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| Posted: Tue Jan 23, 2007 5:00 pm Post subject: |
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| GAH! I'm sorry guys! I've been really busy and homework has reared its butt ugly head. The chapter parts must be postponed and posted on friday. I'll make it's good and it will be introducing our vampire.
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| Posted: Tue Jan 23, 2007 6:54 pm Post subject: |
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Fenris if I could show you, you'd be getting an applause, that was awesome.
This is awesome, action packed and hilarious. One thing I saw
| Quote: | | I glance at the trees, they shake with every rumble, the dead leaves fall to the floor, floating down gently. |
Is there a floor in the park?
Anyways, that was awesome... "Welcome to Ass-Kicking 101, class is now in session." That was the best quote ever. I started laughing when the raven could read Dante's mind and he's like screw logic, or whatever.
You've impressed me and for that, I'll keep reading. (I'd keep reading anyway )
EDIT: Forgot to say, the vote was for a good minotaur, is the minotaur good? Or Dante evil? Or the raven evil? I think it says that the minotaur is sent to kill Dante because he is the Chosen one and he's the chosen one for the evil side? Care to explain to me a bit more, I'm kinda slow lately...
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| Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 10:49 am Post subject: |
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lol, in the school's compiter lab so forgive me if this is a bit hurried.
Dante is on the lesser evil's side, but evil nonetheless. The good side, the side of light justice, virtue, blah blah blah has sent a miniotaur to kill Dante since he is born of evil and will soon be the darkness's most powerful warrior. Kill him while he's young.
This is how the story is weird since most of the time the hero is on the good side and fighting evil for the sake of all mankind.
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 11:46 pm Post subject: |
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Ass-Kicking 101...I really should post those stories. Still I can't wait. I love anti-heros, normally evil people doing good because they have to, or they feel like it, or maybe just because they're sick of doing evil.
Although if anyone plays Fable they'll know what I mean when I say being good 100% of the time is a pain in the ass.
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| Posted: Thu Jan 25, 2007 12:42 am Post subject: |
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Epic Proportions
Chapter Two-Part Two
Rumble in the Park
The minotaur opens his mouth then closes it again. His eyes that had once displayed such sureness and ferocity have suddenly become full of uncertainty and yes, even fear. The great beast growls something inaudible and eyes both of us carefully.
The raven caws once in amusement and hops up and down on my shoulder. "Ain't so tough now you furry piece of sh-"
"Enough," snarls Sergoth, his eyes blazing red suddenly. The ax trembles in his hands and he takes a step forward. The mist curls around him and us, thickening with every minute. It's cold, that I know. The strange winter chill crawls up and down my skin, making me shiver slightly in cold.
"What are you doing here, darkling? Realms call you, you bastard son of a god."
The raven seems to smile and his claws trace a line on my shirt's shoulder. The feathers float up and down, running with the chilly breeze that seems to flow around us. "I've been sent, to guard the Chosen."
Sergoth growls, he is disturbed and he fingers his ax nervously. This raven scares the bejeezes out of him. That's saying something. Though, I didn't know how this fat, smart alek bird could scare a minotaur.
"I can still read your thoughts, fool," chirps the raven sullenly. "My name is Raven, not the raven....and why are you narrating?"
I don't get a chance to answer. Before I could even open my mouth to say something, Sergoth suddenly charges and twirls, bring his ax around. I stand still in fear and in confusion? What was happening? Instinct tells me to duck, and to duck quickly. I obey, dropping to the floor and rolling to the left.
I feel the blade sweep over me with its own wind currents following after it. Sergoth doesn't falter. He jumps forward and brings his ax down in full force, intending to split me in two. "Catch the ax, Felen!!!"
Who the hell is Felen? "YOU! That's you, you nincompoop!"
The ground explodes in a shower of dirt and grass and a buffet of wind. I stumble backwards, having barely avoiding the fatal blow. Dirt rises to a small height then falls, the moistured mist weighing down the thick cloud of dust and leaves.
Sergoth snorts, and steam rushes out of his nostrils like a freight train. With a determined tug, the ax comes loose out of the dirt, sending a small shower of black, brown, green, and faded orange back to the violated dirt. The minotaur laughs, a deep chuckle rumbling in his throat. In mid laughter, he suddenly rushes me, ax slashing for my small head. Duck, the voice screams at me. Again, I duck, and again I avoid having my head being handed to me.
I fall to the floor, arms covering my head and using my legs to desperately scrabble against the grass and gain a few feet. "Idiot," screeches Raven. I uncover my head, just in time to see the talking black bird fly from the trees at an amazing speed and slam into Sergoth.
Regularly, the normal outcome would have the raven crush itself against the minotaur's muscle covered chest and fall to the bottom twitching. This isn't normal however, and instead, Sergoth grunts in pain and surprise and flies back, ax tumbling from his hand and embed itself in the dirt. Raven spins and complete a turn then corkscrew and piledrives the still standing minotaur.
To say that Sergoth's eyes grew as wide as dinner plates would be an understatement. Wind seem to rush from his mouth as it was knocked out of him by the force of the blow. His heavy body is lifted off the ground, his hooves seeming to hover over the crushed green grass. Then, he sails backwards, knocked far by the blow. The minotaur lands hard, making the little air that was left in him leave in a rush.
His eyes flutter once, twice then close.
I get up, wiping clinging wet dirt from my shirt and pants. I glance up to find Raven glaring at me, his beady eyes shoving daggers at my own pupils.
"Fool! Why did you not catch the ax?"
Laughter escapes my lips and dances through the air. "Catch the ax? Are you insane? That...weapon, probably weighs more than me! If I tried to catch it, I would still be split in half, except my hands would be in strips of meat!"
"Ye of little faith," grunts the bird. He looks over to the coughing Sergoth then smiles. "Your faith will have to have a growth spurt, Felen...for, you will still be fighting him."
....what? This is crazy! I know he can hear my thoughts and stream them back to him, adding several vulgar words attached to each sentence.
Raven snorts, a little puff of air ejects out of his nose. "You will. He awakens. Just...go with the flow."
I gawk at him. Go with the flow? That was the advice. Damned bird! Raven cocks his head and his gaze grows serious. "Damned bird, indeed." With that, he spreads his winds and glides over to the oak tree, alighting on a branch and prepares to watch. Like a spectator in a Roman gladiator arena.
Sergoth lifts a hairy arm and pulls himself up, using an invisible bar as it seems. Weird. The minotaur groans something then opens his red eyes and centers on me. Crap! The beats growls, anger boiling up inside to spew out in a uncomfortably loud roar. His gets up completely and his chest heaves in anger. Saliva drips from his maw and his horns seem to glisten even more.
"Stupid fowl! Interference cannot be accepted. Swear bu the Oaths that you will not interfere in this fight!"
Raven remains silent, mulling this over. Coming to a decsion, he speaks. "Fine."
Satisfied, Sergoth turns from the oak tree and settles on me. With each breath he takes a step, large strides soon bring him to the buried ax and he places one furry hand on it. The gray claws scrape against the leather long handle and the minotaur snarls.
"Dante, your time is neigh at hand. You blood shall flow through the ground and form rivers. Your bones will be used as incense and yo-"
"Would you shut the hell up and attack?"
Sergoth pauses, stunned, I am too stunned at the quick remark I just made. Recovering, the beast grunts, impressed. "You have coura-"
"ATTACK! ATTACK!" screams Raven in my head.
"Isn't that dishonorable? And how are you talking to me without actually speaking?"
"Telepathy...oh, great, you blew your chance, here he comes."
I snap back into reality, just in time to see the minotaur bare down on me. I view his ugly face up close. Not a pleasant sight. "Punch!" screams Raven in my head once again. And shatter my fist against his skull? No.
His ax misses, slashing blank air where I used to be. Sergoth looks confused then looks ahead, at me. Only then do I realize that I had leaped backwards, way backwards. I was at least fifteen to twenty feet away from Sergoth. I gap in amazement and the minotaur snorts. This was taking way longer than he expected.
"Now you fool! You must strike, we may live long but not forever! This fight goes nowhere! You must end it!"
Another swing, another miss as Sergoth jumps at me and swipes at my head. I dodge blows, weaving, ducking and side stepping. The minotaur's ax and arms are a blur and so am I. He always come a hair's reach from slicing me open, but I always escape. Exilheration rushes through me, filling my lungs and chest.
This was awesome! I was above normal, I could move faster than anyo-
Pain flares in my chest and I cough in surprise as I fly to the right. While I had been day dreaming, Sergoth had caught me with the flat of his ax. I wince as the throbbing begins.
"As I have said, boy. Time to end this," whispers Raven. "Concentrate! Which hand do you use?"
"I'm ambidextrous!"
"Oh good! Use both then!"
I dodge another arcing blow. The ground surges upwards like a geyser and dirt and grass is tossed in the air like confetti. We are tearing up the park badly.
"Why!"
"Energy, you idiot! You are from a first rate blood line of Kylans! Use your imagination! I thought lycans were viscous!"
"LYCANS?" I yell out loud. This was just getting too weird. Sergoth is getting tired, I can see that. His swings are becoming slower and slower, but they were still dauntingly fast. I leaped in and out, dodging and weaving. I see openings, but have no idea what to do with them. What did Raven mean by concentrate? Damn!
PART 3 WILL BE COMING SOON!!!
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Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire
Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
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| Posted: Thu Jan 25, 2007 2:19 am Post subject: |
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Humm more like Ass-Kicked 101 but I suppose he's got to start at the bottom...looking forward to part three Fenny.
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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Pattern
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| Posted: Thu Jan 25, 2007 9:16 am Post subject: |
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Pretty awesome.
Can't wait for part 3. Is part 3 the final part to the chapter?
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| Posted: Thu Jan 25, 2007 10:17 pm Post subject: |
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Yes it is. Like I said, I want to finish this chapter before California's Monday, so, the final part and DP should be up by Sunday if not earlier.
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| What comes out of the Portal, and is it good or evil? |
| Minotaur-Good |
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50% |
[ 2 ] |
| Armored Serpent-Evil |
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25% |
[ 1 ] |
| Gerbil-Good |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Dragon-Evil |
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25% |
[ 1 ] |
| Siren-Evil |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Griffon-Good |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
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| Total Votes : 4 |
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