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Lebrenth
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 Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2006 4:49 pm Post subject: EVE OF DESTRUCTION |
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EVE OF DESTRUCTION
Quick Summary: God has created Adam. God is mean. Adam hid, so God made another Adam. The Adams don't get along too well. Eve begins to form, while a newborn full-sized bear finally finishes growing.
Bear can talk! Adam2 (Vygar) makes friends, and together they go to talk to Adam and Eve to warn them about a "Great Evil".
(Minor note, the word "Evil" is not yet in Adam's vocabulary. It looks like it's up to Eve to decide)
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Last edited by Lebrenth on Tue May 09, 2006 7:13 pm; edited 11 times in total
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2006 4:58 pm Post subject: |
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EVE OF DESTRUCTION
Adam never felt sleep before... nor anything else for that matter... but if everything turns out this good, this could be a very good life. He can't wait to find out! ... Well, ok, maybe he could wait a few more minutes. So he rolls over and drifts off again. Then he shifts and sits up, rubbing his eyes and stretching. 'Getting Up' isn't going as well as sleeping, so he quickly decides to give it up and lay back down on the soft dust.
A loud thunderous crash rolls through the heavens and shakes him out of his skin. He jumps to his feet, looking frantically around. ... Everywhere he looks... nothing but dirt and no sign of whatever made the sound. Then a deep loud voice booms from above:
"Go on."
"... Excuse me?" Adam replies timidly.
"I said 'Go on.'"
"Yes, I can hear you very very well, but I don't understand what you mean!"
"Get on with it."
"Get on with what?"
"I don't know... stuff."
He looks around in confusion... definitely not as pleasant as sleep.
"I still don't understand! Who's talking to me?"
"I'm up here!"
Adam looks up at the bright white light of the sun at first, but then notices a big black circle, like a dark eye looking down on him.
"Is that you?"
"Yeah."
"... Did you make me?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"I don't know... I thought it would be kind of fun. I'm going to make some more stuff too."
"Well that's good."
"What do you mean?"
"Well... it is kind of boring here."
"Tell me about it. I'll be back in a second."
But the black eye continues to stare down at him. He feels self-conscious, especially because he isn't wearing any clothes. He can't be sure, since he doesn't have much experience at this sort of thing, but it doesn't seem right.
After a while, he gets tired of waiting so he lays down and starts doing that sleep thing again. Just as he is getting the hang of it, the voice returns.
"Hey, wake up!"
"What now?" Adam groans, realizing he'll have to 'get up' again.
"I got something for you," it says and suddenly a large red raindrop falls from the sky. It strikes the ground silently, leaving a red crater about as wide as Adam is tall. He looks into the crater, which soon turns into red mud.
"What is it?"
"You'll see. I'll come back later when it's done."
Adam, having nothing else to do, watches it bubble and then slowly take form. It takes a long time, but little by little it grows out of the ground like a skyscraper being constructed level by level. It starts turning brown near the middle, and green on the wide part on top, with red orbs hanging on it. The voice returns just in time.
"What do you think?"
"What is it?"
"It's a tree."
"You made me a tree. Thanks. ... What are those red things?"
"Apples... you're supposed to eat them."
"Oh... that sounds neat."
"Well, actually, you're not supposed to eat those ones."
"Why not?"
"It's really really bad, ok? Just leave them alone."
"... So why did you make them?"
"Look, I haven't ever done this before, so just do what I say and leave the apples alone, ok?"
"Ok! Fine! Thanks for the tree!"
Another drop falls from the sky, not so big this time... this one is green.
"What was that?"
"It's a surprise."
Why bother asking any more questions with those sort of answers? He resolves to do a lot more sleeping and makes himself a sort of dirt pillow and drifts off again. Of course, all he's ever known to dream about is dirt, so that's what he dreams and though everything looks about the same, it seems to be a lot more comfortable when looking at it while asleep.
He would happily sleep the rest of his life, but as he's lying there, something moves across his arm, up on his chest and then his face. His eyes open to two long fangs and a forked tongue flicking his cheek. And something weird happens... he doesn't dare move! And at the same time, he can't seem to go back to sleeping either!
Several hours of cheek flicking later, a loud booming laughter erupts from the sky.
"HA HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
It seems to make the green thing nervous and tense. Carefully Adam says,
"What's going on here!?"
"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
The nervous green thing slithers off of Adam's face and heads for the tree. It coils around it, climbing up to the branches.
"What is that thing!?"
"It's a-- HA HA HA HA-- It's a-- a snake!"
"And what's a snake!?"
"If it bites you, it will poison you and you'll die!"
"WHAT!? You make me a tree I can't eat and now you got me a poisonous snake! I'm starting to think you don't like me very much!"
"HA HA HA, this is fun. Hold it, I have to take a picture."
Just as Adam is about to ask what a picture is, a bright blinding flash burns Adam's eyes, leaving him painfully blind for several minutes.
"This is great," the voice continues, "I'm going to make some more stuff."
"Please don't! Please, I'm begging you!"
... But the voice does not answer as the laughs fade away, leaving Adam alone with the tree and the snake. Anywhere away from that snake is fine with Adam, so he runs in a random direction away from it. It takes a while before he can't see it anymore... but just to be sure, he keeps running, constantly looking over his shoulder....
THUMP!
Adam finds a shortcut to falling asleep, only this is a lot more painful. When he recovers, he realizes that he nearly ran off the edge of the Earth, but something stopped him. He reaches out and touches some kind of invisible wall.
"This is probably far enough," Adam says to himself reassuringly. It seems like he's been running a long time. He's very tired and of course I don't need to tell you what he does next. He even sleeps through the rainstorm.
Finally, Adam feels like he's slept enough. That's when he realizes the ground feels funny... fuzzy or something and it's all green. Green! Like the snake! And that's not the only thing. The whole world changed! There's so many new things it boggles his mind! Mountains, trees, flowers, grass, this wet blue stuff, all sorts of things!
"Better!" Adam yells. "Much much better!"
He wanders away from the edge of the Earth and examines everything, giving things names, smelling them, tasting them (with mixed results) and finally finding a perfect spot: a shady tree with fresh green grass next to a river. He gathers a few of his favorite tasting things and dips his feet in the blue stuff.
"Adam?" the booming voice calls, "Hey Adam! Where are you?"
"Over here! Hey! See me?"
"There you are. What do you think?"
"I like it a lot! Thank you very much!"
"You're welcome."
"... So... I was wondering... you said you made me right?"
"Right."
"... So... does that mean you're God?"
"... Um... yes. Yes, I am God."
"... Ok..." Adam responds awkwardly.
"Look, I got something else for you."
"That's ok! I don't think I need it right now."
"Don't be a baby, this will be cool."
"What is it?"
"I got a whole bunch of weathers for you. I want to try this one called 'Lightning Storm'."
"You know, I'm still trying to get used to this place. Could you hold off on that for a few days?"
"No."
"Ok... thanks God," he says to the giant black eye.
"You're welcome."
'Lightning Storm,' Adam soon discovers, is a terrible thing. Everything becomes dark, the wind becomes cold, and the rain turns into pelting hail.
Then the lightning comes, which confuses Adam because he thought they were called 'pictures'. But there is a small difference. The 'picture' didn't crack the tree and make a hot orange and yellow thing, like the 'lightning' did to the tree he sat under.
Adam runs for his life, but the lightning storm is everywhere. Then he spots a whole forest of trees, next to the mountain with the dark hole in it. The hail is intolerable... he has to find 'shelter' now!
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Last edited by Lebrenth on Mon Feb 06, 2006 1:12 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2006 5:13 pm Post subject: |
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Hahaha! Loved this!
Though I think you need to check the tense here and there. Writing in present is hard, and you slipped a few times.
Er, as for where. Dig a hole maybe? He doesn't have a whole lot of options at the moment I think!
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2006 5:24 pm Post subject: Feeling tense |
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I've been told that before. Actually, I started in past tense and found myself back into present tense after a few paragraphs, so I changed the start to present very carefully.
The way the story runs in my head, there tends to be some juggling. First it's 'in progress' then its retrospective. Then there's that indecision that I started the story with. I really got to get this straight in my head!
In the meantime I'll iron out those lapses. Thanks for bringing my attention to it, Chinaren!
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2006 5:36 pm Post subject: |
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There, that's better. Geez, there were a lot more than I thought! I have to work on that....
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Smee
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| Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2006 10:34 pm Post subject: |
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*shakes head* I have empathy for you Lebby - I have much the same trouble myself, very annoying. 
I'll read this new start shortly.
Happy Writing.
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2006 11:46 pm Post subject: |
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*hands out the fake rubber cookies of the humor section*
Welcome to H&E Lebby. What took you so long? 
Beautiful start. Simply beautiful! 
I'm torn between choosing a sensible option - falling to his knees and praying for God to try out a different weather now!
- or a funny option - he's got to try the forest. Lots of nice sheltery trees in there. No worries! 
Looking forward to seeing the poll options on this one...
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Smee
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| Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2006 11:57 pm Post subject: |
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I didn't know what I was expecting when I started reading, but Stoat's statement sums up pretty well.
An excellent start. Thankfully no one has arrived at work yet to see me grinning inanely at the screen. 
I don't think he's got the praying option sorted yet, so he'll run for the forest, although it'll be entertaining reading about him trying to dig a hole.
Keep it coming Lebby.
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Thu Jan 26, 2006 2:03 am Post subject: |
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wow it's amazingly good
i nearly laughed*
i think he should head for the forest - even if the lightning storm is still going, he wouldn't know that the 'picture' was attracted to tall things
keep it up
*i never laugh if i can help it
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Thu Jan 26, 2006 2:15 am Post subject: |
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I read it again, it's still great!
I particularly love this line...
| Quote: | | "HA HA HA, this is fun. Hold it, I have to take a picture." |
Wonderful! 
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Thu Jan 26, 2006 4:24 pm Post subject: |
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| Shady Stoat wrote: | | *hands out the fake rubber cookies of the humor section* |
You know, those cookies aren't so bad after they stop richocheting off my teeth. You'll have to tell me the recipe some time. By the way, I'd like to compliment whoever decided to put "humor" and "experimental" in the same forum. That way, if it isn't funny you can just say it was experimental. Helped assure me I could post without danger.
Thanks for your encouragement everyone! It makes writing a lot funner!
I'll be continuing my stories after a whole week off. I'm going on a little vacation, but I'll be thinking about you guys. Especially you, Lordy, you big softie.
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Smee
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| Posted: Thu Jan 26, 2006 10:44 pm Post subject: |
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*grins at the big softie that is Lordy - he's not that evil afterall. *
Have a great holiday Lebby - we'll miss you too.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 7:48 am Post subject: |
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BREAKING NEWS: An army of whales and dolphins declares war on the pirates of the Caribbean. Also, the "Eve of Destruction" poll is up. More at 11.
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| Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 7:54 am Post subject: |
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Brilliant!!!!!!!!!!
A story I actually read and loved immediately.
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Smee
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| Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 8:07 am Post subject: |
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*reads again*
He won't want to go towards any more trees that the lightning my cause to split and spew out orange, yellow things - he's learnt that much.
At the same time he's already learnt that appealing to 'God' doesn't seem to work. From his experience so far of gifts like the apples and the snake, I think he'll also be reluctant to head for the hole in the big mountain thing.
The only thing he really knows is dust and dirt, so I voted for digging a hole.
Happy Writing.
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| Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 4:35 pm Post subject: |
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Voted for digging a hole, for the same reasons as Smee said, though some of the other options were very tempting too!!
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| Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 9:47 pm Post subject: |
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| Pelt the idiot...
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| Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 4:12 pm Post subject: EVE OF DESTRUCTION, Chapter Two |
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Chapter Two, "Eve of Destruction"
The experiences Adam has thus far had with trees or any of these new things has not been very rewarding. The only thing that was ever nice to him, gave him a place to stay and sleep, was the dirt.
There's not much to work with, a few sharp rocks, but after a thin layer of grass the dirt is soft and fluffy. It's easy to dig through the light grey stuff and soon a fair sized hole is open for habitation. Adam laughs to himself, confident that God can't possibly find him in there. Problem is, the rain keeps getting in.
'I'll have to find something to block the opening,' Adam reasons. So this time, when he climbs into the comfy little hole burrowing under the grass, he pulls some dirt back with him to cover the opening. No problem, and he's already feeling much warmer, if a little stuffy.
And Adam curls up in a happy snuggly little ball and goes to sleep.
Eventually the storm passes, and God comes back to try another one, but loud as he yells, Adam does not stir. Two days pass before Adam finally has to get up. He simply could not ignore the terrible pain in his stomach any longer. Plus he's been leaking and having these strange urges to find some of those tasty things he found the other day.
He crawls out of his smelly hole carefully. The Black Eye is still looming above him. Mostly, everything looks the same. Oh, except the forest burned up, leaving a bunch of black spikes sticking up out of the ground.
For a moment, he just lays there, waiting to be smitten or something... but nothing happens.... Well, this wouldn't be the first time God left him by himself. And that's fine! If he never sees God again it will be just fine.
So off to find more of those yellow things he named "hurunguses", and maybe a few green "Poonus" and an orange... he still can't come up with a good name for those yet. Anyway, they're great, and very satisfying. The only other thing he likes besides sleeping so far. Adam gets a head start and starts burying a bunch of hurunguses and oranges in case of another Lightning Storm.
"Hey Adam," God says. Not already! Adam turns around and looks back at the Eye, but before he responds he hears another voice.
"What do wish, Mighty All-Powerful Creator, whose voice makes the world tremble?"
Now who was that! He sounded very familiar. Adam follows the voice back towards the Tree. God continues talking to him.
"You will soon see, my humble servant. I have brought another animal."
"Please, your Greatness, I still can't get your last gift off of my leg!"
Adam peers carefully through the corivars (which is Adam's word for thorn bushes), and sees another man, just as tall, just as wide, just as goofy looking and just as naked. But he doesn't look very good. He's scraped up, very tired, and there seems to be a scaly thing with a big mouth clamped on his leg.
"SILENCE!" God booms! It seems he's become an even bigger jerk in the last two days. "You will now witness the awesome creation of my invention! The Bear!"
"Yes, O Mighty All-Powerful Creator whose voice makes the world tremble...." the other fellow says dismally. Geez, that guy looks like he hasn't had sleep for hours! And now his face is leaking and making weird sobbing sounds!
A big brown drop descends from the sky and lands a few yards away.
"Have Fun! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" God exclaims, his laughs fading away again. Adam steps out of the pointy corivar and approaches the wreck of a man still crying with a lizard on his leg. Adam starts comparing his arms and hands and toes to the poor man.
"That jerk replaced me!" Adam says. Adam2 looks up with fear!
"Please Mr. Bear! Don't eat me!"
"What are you talking about!? I'm not a bear! He landed over there!"
Adam2 jumps up and starts running away... well, sort of. With the lizard dragging his legs and whipping his tail onto everything they get close to, its more like a slow labored shuffle. Adam sighs and goes over to the brown puddle where the bear is being formed. It will take hours before it's finished. Adam carefully dips a finger in the muck. It's gooey and it tingles and it tastes like a really nasty syrup. He spits it out and looks around scratching his head. Even if it does take hours, Adam2 isn't getting anywhere....
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Last edited by Lebrenth on Mon Feb 20, 2006 4:16 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Chinaren
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 9:07 pm Post subject: |
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Well I don't know, Chinaren. Do you feel intruded upon by Adam2? Do you want to do anything about this bear?
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Smee
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| Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 9:27 pm Post subject: |
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Good chapter.
I'm tempted to suggest leading Adam 2 to the swirling bear puddle and getting him to bathe in it, see what happens?
However, I'm feeling charitable this morning. Let's go help him get the reptile off his leg, and show him some hurunguses. Maybe introduce him to sleeping holes.
Happy Writing.
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 11:59 pm Post subject: |
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Good chapter Lebby
Well, of course Adam is going to feel a bit miffed about Adam2 being here. But it's got to occur to him that anyone who can take a bit of god's attention away from Adam1 HAS to be a plus!
I'd say be friendly and nice and let the clone try out all the new stuff first. He can be the one to find out that skunks aren't all that friendly, and that you can't eat a coconut from the outside
Don't do anything about the bear but keep yourself away from it while introducing Adam2 to it if necessary. God in a good mood is bad enough. God who's been thwarted might find a way to be even worse! 
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2006 12:13 am Post subject: |
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Well, Adam1 doesn't know what a bear is either, so he should wait around and see what it is becoming. If he decides it is 'bad' he could lead A2 to it for when it solidifies.
I think he should despatch A2 before Eve1 comes along! Don't want a lot of competition there!
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2006 9:06 am Post subject: |
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| lordofthenight wrote: | i dont remember there being two adams in my copy of the good book
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You have a copy of the GOOD book, and you memorized parts from it? I'm confused!
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 2:32 pm Post subject: Poll for EVE OF DESTRUCTION |
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The Stars predict that a poll will open up in the seventh house for EVE OF DESTRUCTION
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Fri Feb 10, 2006 9:08 am Post subject: |
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of course I do - i'll have you know I'm a devout Christian
If you look closely you'll find I'm mentioned in it in fact, near the end somewhere. Begins with R...Re...Rev?
changed my mind and had to go for murder - something about the name
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| Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2006 10:26 am Post subject: EVE OF DESTRUCTION, Chapter Three |
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Chapter Three of EVE OF DESTRUCTION.
Adam looks back up at the black eye and down at Adam2. The poor guy has really had a rough time. A rough time that Adam himself would have endured if Adam2 didn’t distract God…. Maybe it would be best to keep Adam2 around.
Adam goes into the black trees and finds a thick branch that isn’t too badly burned. Adam2 grows more frantic as the armed man approaches him, but still can not outrun the man even though he’s just strolling casually toward him. He pulls and kicks and yanks but can not escape the walking menace.
“Hold still,” Adam says. Adam2 raises his arms over his face. Suddenly his leg feels a powerful yanking and clamping.
“Ow! What are you doing?!” Adam2 protests.
“I’m trying to put it to sleep! Stop moving!” Adam says, slamming the branch down on the head of the lizard clamped onto Adam2’s leg again.
“It hurts! Stop it!”
“No, look! He’s getting tired!”
“He always OW! looks like that!”
“Don’t be a baby.”
“That’s - I said stop it! - what God always OW! says.”
“There, you happy?” Adam says as the eyes of the lizard swirl about and the legs and tail go limp.
“… No. He’s still on my leg!”
“Yeah, he’s really determined. Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll get tired of it soon. Would you like a hurungous?”
The two Adams stroll through the garden, with the first Adam constantly complaining that Adam2 isn’t keeping up with him, though he’s moving a little faster without having to struggle with the lizard. Every now and again, the lizard starts to wake up, but Adam puts it right back to sleep again. Adam tells Adam2 all of the ‘proper names’ of the things they come across, even if he hadn’t decided until just that moment what to call them. Adam2 isn’t awfully glad to be shown around, and has a sneaking suspicion that he’s making this stuff up. Especially when Adam offers things for him to eat that taste really nasty and make his stomach squirm.
“I thought you said it was good to eat!” Adam2 yells heatedly.
“Hey, I thought you would like it! But don’t worry, you don’t have to have anymore. We’ll find something else.”
“I don’t want to try anything else!”
“Hey! I’m your friend! Who keeps putting the lizard asleep for you?”
“I’ll do it myself, thank you. I’m leaving.”
“Hey wait! Seriously… you’ll like how this tastes.”
“Oh yeah? Then why don’t you eat it?”
Adam looks at the thing he randomly picked up. It’s green and slimy and crawls very slowly on his hand. It was easy to come up with a name for this one. Especially when he puts it in his mouth to reassure Adam2. A Bleck. It tastes the way it sounds, and makes Adam want to say its name as he swishes it around in his mouth, not daring to chew it.
He puts on a big grin and says, “mmm…” as he swallows it whole. Then he opens his mouth so Adam2 can see he really did eat it. “See? Honestly!”
Adam2 picks up a Bleck… it sure doesn’t look tasty. Maybe this other Adam just has a really weird sense of taste. He puts it in his mouth and chews on it, and it is without a doubt confirmed. That Adam is crazy.
“Nope… that’s it. I’m going to be on that side of the garden from now on, and if I see you on my side, I’m going to hit you with a sleepstick!”
“But, hey! I really thought it tasted good! Look, I’m SURE you’ll like this! There’s no way you can’t like these!”
Adam2 finds a somewhat small ‘sleepstick’ but enough to make Adam forget about offering the ‘orange’ from one of the trees. Adam sighs, and eats his orange as he goes to find another good place for a sleephole.
Suddenly the sky is ruptured with laughter that makes both Adams run for cover! God has never sounded like this before. It’s like he’s… giggling! And his voice sounds higher too as he speaks,
“Helloooo,” he says. It doesn’t sound like him at all…. “Hey! Are you in there?” Neither Adams dare to move. Then intense clashes of thunder drops them to their knees as they cover their ears. “Isn’t anybody in here? Aaadaaammmm!”
The two Adams look at each other, mouthing the words, ‘Go answer him! No you go answer him! No you do it!’ and so on. The rupturing thunder returns, rending their eardrums into pulp, until Adam finally calls out,
“I’m here!”
The giggling re-ignites and their ears are still sore. Adam walks into the open dolefully.
“There you are! I came in to give you something.”
“You what?”
“I said I got you something! You need some company, huh?”
“Ummm, no, not really.”
“Don’t be silly! I’m sure you’re going to like her. You might even give her a kiss!” God says, the giggling coming back full force. Whatever ‘her’ and ‘kiss’ mean, Adam doesn’t think he likes the new tone that God has taken. When the large red drop falls from the sky, he cowers as though it was a nuclear bomb… not that he knows what that is. It looks like it landed somewhere near the Tree! “Now be a gentleman, lover boy!” God says with more ear-piercing mirth! Slowly, God's painful wails diminish again.
“Hey Adam2,” Adam says.
“Please don’t call me that.”
“Hey, I was here first!”
“All right, so should I start calling you Adam1?!”
“No, that’s stupid. I’m Adam, and your Adam2.”
“All right, Adam1.”
“… Whatever…. Do you want to see what landed?”
“… Ok, but then I’m going to my side of the garden!”
“Ok, ok, let’s go.”
The two of them, once again hiding in the corivars, look into the field that holds the Tree with the forbidden apples, lined with flowers, and lush grass. Then they look into the wide flat open dirt spot where both Adams originated where another puddle forms. It moves about in a spectrum of color, like clear oil on water refracting the sun, but underlying it is a rich red color.
By this time, they can also see that the bear has progressed quite nicely. It has already developed teeth and claws and thick fur… in fact, it looks like it’s ready to come to life, if it isn’t just sleeping now. And to top it off, it looks like Adam2’s lizard friend is starting to wake up again. At least the Adams still have their sleepsticks….
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Last edited by Lebrenth on Sun Feb 19, 2006 9:20 am; edited 1 time in total
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2006 10:51 am Post subject: |
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LOL! Sleepsticks and Blecks! Love it!
Now that Adam2 seems to have outlived his usefulness (and his friendliness), I think we should both go and discover this 'bear' thing together. Then maybe you could see how it reacts to the sleepstick?
Then when (ahem, of course I mean 'if') it reacts badly, you're bound to be able to outrun poor old Adam2. Let's see how he gets on with Mr. Bear up close and personal 
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Chinaren
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 3:49 pm Post subject: Poll for EVE OF DESTRUCTION |
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... As Number 7 rounds the corner, he slams into the EVE OF DESTRUCTION poll, and Number 5 takes the lead!...
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 4:01 pm Post subject: EVE OF DESTRUCTION, Chapter Four |
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Chapter Four of EVE OF DESTRUCTION
"We better see how close that bear is to finishing," Adam says.
"It looks finished to me...." Adam2 replies warily.
"Nah, he hasn't grown his second head yet."
"Second head?"
"Yeah, didn't you know they had two heads?" Adam says nonchalantly.
"... Ok, so why do we need to go look at him?"
"What, are you scared?"
"Look, we've already established you're crazy, but I didn't think you were blind too!" '2' exclaims.
"Well, bear is the only thing I know of that can get those things off legs," Adam says pointing cluelessly at the lizard.
"That's ridiculous... How?"
"... The ... hair stuff on it... it's really annoying... so if you just rub that thing against the bear's hair, it will let go and go away."
"I think you're lying."
"Fine, don't believe me. I hope you like dragging that thing around cause you're never getting rid of it.... So just go to your side of the garden. I'm going to find me another bleck."
So Adam walks away, just a few steps, and looks over his shoulder. Adam2 has turned away and hobbling away, and checking over his shoulder too. Adam acts like he just found something, and puts an imaginary bleck in his mouth (and it still tastes nasty). Adam2 keeps going, and he's not heading to the bear. Oh well, it looks like he didn't fall for it.
Adam starts looking for a bigger sleepstick since that Adam2 is becoming really uncooperative. He finds a nice thick one, with sharp little branches pointing off of it in every direction. As Adam laughs to himself, he looks across meadow at the bear, where Adam2 is timidly rubbing the lizard against the bear.
The lizard screeches and lets go, running madly away, passing the dumbstruck Adam as it goes. But Adam stops waiting for a second head to grow on the bear once it wakes up with a horrible roaring groan. He leaves Adam2 to his grisly fate without looking back, running till he dives back into his old sleephole.
A shaking tuft of grass next to a little dirt mound is all that can be seen from above. Underneath, Adam trembles with eyes wide. Images of Adam2, who looks identical to himself, tearing into screaming pieces with God taking pictures and laughing replays in his head ceaselessly. The hole strangles him but it is the only place he's safe!
Hours later, still chattering in his hole, he tempts a little look out of his hole, and though it looks safe, he still doesn't dare lift his head any farther. When he hears the screams, his head drops down again... but only for a moment, before his fearful curiosity has to look to see what it could be. It's a high and loud scream, but its far off.
"It must be the Her!" Adam says to himself, and some strange instinct in him makes him get out of the hole. He runs toward it, but it doesn't take long before it comes screaming toward him. He can tell its kind of like him... a little shorter though, and a few other differences too, but he doesn't have time to consider them. She's so busy looking behind her, she doesn't see him in front of her, and she slams right into him, knocking him down, and tripping her and sending her rolling a few feet.
"A... A!..." Adam tries to talk, but his lungs feel like they've filled with dirt. She knocked the wind out of him, but she's can't seem to find words for the occasion either as she looks at the naked man she just ran into. Naked! 'Where am I?' she asks herself in a panic, then gets up and runs off again.
Adam looks back, trying to see if the bear is chasing her, but he can't see it. Maybe they're slow.... But Adam isn't willing to wait around and find out. He regains his breath as he gets up and hobbles for a little while.
When he gets his breath back, he decides he better make sure the Her is all right. Besides, there's probably a bear coming after him, even if it is moving like a bleck.
The footprints are easy enough to follow, but they look weird. It's like she doesn't have toes, which would explain why they're smaller too. He follows them for a long time, through trees and bushes, and then down the long blue thing that was so pleasant to sit beside before.
Finally, he finds her sitting on the bank of the river with her face leaking. She doesn't sound happy either.
"... Hi," Adam says. She jumps onto her feet and grabs a rock.
"Who are you!?" Eve demands. Adam hides behind a tree.
"I'm Adam! I don't want to hurt you!"
"What is this place? Why are you naked?"
"Huh?"
"Where am I!?"
"Um... the Garden?"
"What garden?"
"I don't know! I just got here!"
"... Wait, your name is Adam?"
"Yeah..."
"And we're in a 'garden'?"
"I think so."
"... This isn't right...."
Adam and Eve have a nice long talk about 'The Garden' which Eve keeps calling Eden, and slowly explaining a whole bunch of stuff to Adam in a patient and encouraging voice, but Adam still finds it annoying to call hurungouses 'bananas' and corivars 'thorn bushes' and such. But he's rather pleased that 'oranges' are still 'oranges'. Then Eve's eyes brighten with a thought.
"So, if we're in the Garden of Eden, then there must be the Tree of Knowledge or something, right?" Eve asks brightly
"... Well, there is that tree with the apples on it..." Adam replies hesitantly.
"I just got an idea, this is going to make things a lot easier."
"Where are you going?"
"Well you're coming with me! But will you please find a fig leaf or something? It's not right!"
"... What's wrong with it?"
"Well, you're not supposed to expose yourself! ... You'll understand when you eat an apple."
"What? We're not supposed to eat those!"
"Why not?"
"Why not?! Because God said so!" Adam says, pointing up at the Black Eye.
"My god, that's God?"
"Yes, and he told me not to eat the apples.... And he can be a real jerk."
"That's not God. God's kind and forgiving and grants miracles...."
"... First of all, I don't understand those words.... Second of all, I don't think he does either!"
"He made us, right?"
"Yeah, I watched him make you."
"You what!?"
"I mean... well... yes...."
"... Well, I guess you are pretty much just a caveman, so I guess I can't blame you."
"Caveman?"
"Where do you sleep?"
"Umm... well, I dig holes when I need to sleep without God doing something to me."
"... Ok, so you haven't evolved to caves yet... you're more of a moleman. Hey, I'm just kidding.... Come on, let's see the tree."
Eve seems to know a lot, but she sure doesn't know the first thing about God. Still, it couldn't hurt just to show her the tree....
"By the way, what happened to the bear?" Adam asks while leading the way back to the tree.
"Did you see it? I just woke up and it was there!"
"... Did you see anyone else there?" Adam asks slyly.
"No, but I didn't exactly introduce myself and stay for a chat."
"Oh... well that's where the tree is."
"Where is the tree?"
"With the bear, last I saw him, and uh..."
"Great, so now we can't go back," Eve says gloomily.
"Why not? Bears aren't fast."
"Are you crazy? They're a lot faster than people."
"Then why didn't it get you?" Adam asks, stopping and hoping for a insightful answer.
"... I don't know... maybe it was tired."
"... That makes sense, he woke up just before you did."
"Do you think it would go back to sleep?"
"I don't see why not," Adam says, thinking he'd like to do the same right that moment.
"... Or maybe it was full...." Eve says offhandedly.
"Full?"
"You know, maybe it already ate before it found me."
"Maybe..."
"I don't know... I think we should try getting the apples," Eve asserts with a fair amount of confidence.
"Yeah, but you haven't met God. I don't think he'll like it if we eat his apples."
"You really don't know anything about Eden, do you? We're supposed to eat the apples! It's just a matter of time. I think we should get it over with. You don't want to stay ignorant, do you?"
"You're saying I won't be an ignorant if I eat an apple?"
"That's right, you'll be as smart as me," Eve says with a big smile.
"I'm already smart. Besides, there's got to be something wrong with them if he doesn't want us to eat them," Adam reasoned. "He could just make more if he wanted to."
"You'll be fine. You'll see."
...
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 4:13 pm Post subject: |
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Women! Always stirring up trouble!
Another good one Lebs! Is the dp to eat or not?
Well, like Eve said, may as well get it over with!
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 4:25 pm Post subject: |
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So far I haven't had any trouble with keeping the options completely open. I usually add a suggestion of my own with an extra poll option, even if it's just "Do something else". I'm trying to make it hard to choose an option, but usually someone makes a good suggestion and everyone agrees... so I'm still working on it.
But pretty much, yeah, do you want to endanger your life and get a forbidden apple or convince her that it's a bad idea.
Naturally, what Adam does if he doesn't go after the apples is still in the air. Perhaps he could look into making a shelter or making weapons or traps to take out the bear.
And I'm enjoying Narg, by the way. I haven't caught up yet, but I like what I've read so far. I like its irreverence and boldness! And did anyone ever figure out what you called me?
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 4:28 pm Post subject: |
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hehe. It was
ni shi da ben dan.
Which means (literall translation) You are a big stupid egg!
They use it here to say 'stupid' but in a friendly way, if you see what I mean.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 4:33 pm Post subject: |
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| chinaren wrote: |
Which means (literall translation) You are a big stupid egg!
They use it here to say 'stupid' but in a friendly way, if you see what I mean. |
Sure, in a friendly way! Well, at least I'm not a little stupid egg.
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 10:53 pm Post subject: |
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Way to go, Lebby! I like Eve, wherever she came from!
I still don't think he'd be quite ready to take that apple yet though. I mean, he barely knows this broad, and she turns up and starts handing out the orders. What man's going to take that lying down when she hasn't even put out for him yet?
Plus, god is GOD. You really don't want to put him in a bad mood. Look what he does even when he's in a good mood!
No, I think he'll try to find out a little bit more of what she knows, and try to educate her about the god HE knows. They'll both learn a lot, I should think
And yeah - he's just got to get somewhere a bit nicer than that hole to hide away in. I'm sure there's lots of house-building projects he can get wrong
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 6:43 am Post subject: |
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Damnedable women - say do you suppose we can rewrite history and live in the garden forever? Be happy and peaceful and...wait- that's my fluffy side coming through. Curse you Cryms!!
A big stupid egg huh - well, that's sort of like crying foul, in a way...
i mean, stupid people cry, and eggs come from fowl so...
I don't think Adam will want to eat an apple just yet - he's already experienced the power of the photographs and I suspect he'll be wary of getting on God's bad side.
As to were Eve came from - it could still be Adams rib, just Adam2 - it's not like he needed it anymore
and will there be an Eve2 i wonder...
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Ave Dominus Nox
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Blood Bowl
Scraping the Barrel
A Tale of Four Swords
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Stubby
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| Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 3:04 pm Post subject: |
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LOL Great story! This is religeon the way it should be!
so, lets see. so far god has said...
Don't eat the apples
Wake up
Play with the snake
Stand in the rain
Meet the bear
Kiss the woman.
The ones we've tried, well, not so much on the success front there, and still we're saying we shouldn't eat the apples?
I'd say munch on an apple and then feed Eve to the bear - all the rest of the suggestions from on high seem to have been baaaad news so far!
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 5:23 pm Post subject: |
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Hello Stubby, thanks for posting in my story first! I hope you like it here. I certainly dig it. (And I like your avatar by the way)
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Smee
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| Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:40 pm Post subject: |
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Great chapter...
I think he should say no, and lay down some law on this know-it-all 'her'. Afterall he knows more about this God than anyone else, her hasn't even experienced lightning storm.
So what to do instead? ...
Maybe he could go explore the caves he saw during the storm - maybe consider using the cave as a new sleeping hole. Of course the bear is likely to have the same idea so I think he needs to experiement with traps.
But what to bait the trap with? Maybe bears like hurungouses?
Happy Writing
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 5:52 pm Post subject: EVE OF DESTRUCTION Poll |
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WHAT?! I still haven't posted a poll? Sorry about that, I thought I did. Well here it is...
BY THE WAY! I'm sneaking two decisions into one for this. All votes that start with "Don't Eat!" will be combined, and if they outnumber the "Eat" votes, then Adam doesn't eat an apple. And if he doesn't eat an apple, I pick the category that has the highest votes, and we go with that...
Got it?
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| Posted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 6:16 pm Post subject: |
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Voted. Much as I am tempted to eat, we could save that one until he his hungry. Plus I think his ignorance is funnier!
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Stubby
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| Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 5:38 am Post subject: |
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Woo! My first storygame poll vote!
Voted. *grin*
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Smee
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| Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 9:35 am Post subject: |
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YAY for Stubby
I voted for move into the cave. He may have to kill the bear to achieve that but that's for him to figure out ...
Happy Writing
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 11:17 am Post subject: |
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Great story. Let's not eat just yet, and instead make sure that we get into this cave dwelling before the bear takes up residence.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 4:21 pm Post subject: |
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Chapter Five of "EVE OF DESTRUCTION"
Adam pushes through the bushes and foliage of the garden toward the forbidden tree, set on taking one of God's forbidden apples, when a rather hard thought occurs to him, and he stops.
"What?" Eve asks, expecting the bear to jump into sight any moment.
"We can't do this," he says.
"Do what? Get the apples? We already talked-"
"You don't know God!" Adam says frantically with crazed eyes. Eve looks a little scared. "You don't know what he's capable of! You haven't seen the 'Picture'! Or 'Lightning Storm'! And who do you think made that bear?!"
"Adam, calm down..."
"NO!"
"Adam!" she yells back, and he shies away, but he's still determined.
"I'm not taking you to the tree."
"Oh come on."
"Nope. Not until you've at least talked to God, and if you're lucky you never will. I'm going to hide you."
"You're what? Stop being such a caveman!"
"I thought you said I wasn't good enough to be a caveman! You called me a moleman!"
"I said I was sorry!"
"I don't care. I'm taking you to the hole in the big mound."
"... You mean a cave?"
Happily, Adam's response is more civilized than a caveman, but Eve can't help notice the similarity as he grabs her by the wrist and pulls her along. She doesn't resist since it's really indifferent to her which way they go. She's finding the whole situation to be rather entertaining, though she still doesn't know where she came from. Her best conclusion? Amnesia. Maybe she's in a coma right now, having a strange dream about the Garden of Eden, and of course Adam would be naked! ...
Anyway, if it's just a dream, what harm could there be in going to his cave?
When she sees the cave, she starts having doubts though. The black rocks at its mouth look like sharp teeth, and it's so dark inside, it seems to absorb the light from its surroundings too. Standing just outside of it, she feels a cold breath of air, accompanied by an eerie groan from within.
"Did you hear that?" she says behind Adam's shoulder.
"Hear what?" he says, looking up at God.
"No, in there!"
"I didn't hear anything. Hey, you wanted me to evolve! So let's evolve!" and he walks into the cold slippery darkness, ignoring the fear for exactly three steps. Then, in the cover of darkness, he let's his cowardice shine forth in all its glory, accessorized with wide darting eyes and slow trembling steps. Eve stays outside....
"Adam? ... What does it look like?"
"I'm still looking!" he calls back, trying to sound angry instead of scared. Eve squints trying to see inside, holding her breath to try to hear more.... It doesn't sound like he's in very far.
An orange glint catches Adam's eye and emboldens him enough to move forward and see the source. A torch... but of course, all Adam can tell is that it is the same as what happened to the tree during 'Lightning Storm'. He gets close to it, staring at it in fascination, feeling the warmth of it on his face and hands.
"Adam?" she calls in again. Adam ignores it, but he's pulled out of his reverie. Then he gets a great idea! If he carries the torch with him, he'll be able to see ahead of him! And Eve thought he was stupid!
He pulls the torch out of its sconce and continues into the cave, finding more torches along the way. Eve's call echo distantly as he approaches a door, or, as Adam would perceive it, a very strange looking dead end. He scratches his head a few times before looking at it closer, touching the hinges and the iron ring on the other side. He grips it and gives it a tug.
Smiling and feeling smarter every second, he opens the door and lifts his torch into the room beyond.
The first thing he sees is several huddled green things on the ground sleeping. There's a whole room of them... they all seem to be sleeping and making a big thing of it, with hundreds of snores. Then he sees a gleaming pile of shiny metal circles....
Good reason would deduce that stepping over smelly fanged green things to grab a handful of shiny things would be ridiculous, but Adam doesn't want to return empty handed either.
As he steps over, the smell gets in his nose and starts tickling his sinuses. He's never had this feeling before. He wonders where it's going. Suddenly it overwhelms him and he sneezes loudly, splattering a goblin (of course it's a goblin!) with a load of gooey snot. The echo alone would have awaken your average sleeping creature.
Well, they aren't average creatures, and they stay asleep, even the one who was blasted by mucous. Adam looks left and right, then shrugs and proceeds to the pretty pile. He kneels over the shiny gold coins, and slowly and gently picks a single gold coin up.
All snores in the cavern simultaneously cease.
Adam runs for the door as they all wake up and start grabbing, scraping and throwing small swords and axes! Adam fights them off with the torch, burning himself in the process till he throws it and keeps running. One goblin jumps onto his shoulder and starts punching him in the head repeatedly, but Adam has no time to stop and fight him off, so he runs with the goblin screaming and crawling and punching his head.
Adam comes screaming out of the cave the other goblins in close pursuit. Eve trips backward in shock. But the others stop suddenly before leaving the cave, and fight to get back in as the mob pushes forward.
Adam flails about madly, pulling at the screaming punching goblin who is now starting to smoke. It rears its head and shrieks as the smoke intensifies! He jumps off and runs for the cave, but falls to the ground, weak and in obvious pain as it crawls for the shade of the cave.
Adam growls, and grabs the goblin's legs, pulling him away from the cave, and crossing his arm as he watches the light burn him up. Finally, his whole body crumbles, his screams suddenly extinguish, and nothing but a pile of dust remains. Adam jumps up and down on the dusty pile, kicking it apart and causing a big cloud of goblin remains and breathing it in.
"Adam!" Eve yells. He looks at her, as he's covered in dust which starts cake onto his wounds. Suddenly he gets a little sheepish, almost ashamed. "Are you all right?"
Tears begin to flow into his eyes and his bottom lip quivers as he pouts. She starts feeling all motherly and feels sorry for the poor goblin slayer.
"Oh, it's all right, come here," she says, giving him a hug and patting his back. "What did you expect to get out of a creepy cave like that?"
"I got this," Adam says, and opens his hand with the gold coin.
"Oh, that's very pretty! You did good!"
"Do you want to have it?"
"... Thank you Adam, I would like to have it!" Eve says, scrutinizing it carefully and biting into to it. "Hey, it does leave teeth marks!"
"Really? Is it supposed to do that?"
"If it's real gold, yeah."
"It's real gold?"
"Yep, certainly is."
"Good! Hey I could probably get more!"
The gaggle of goblins protest his words, cursing with strange incomprehensible words. Adam jumps forward, laughing and taunting and shaking his butt in front of them.
"Adam, why don't you stay away from that cave?"
"What? They can't come out! Ha ha ha! Ugly stupid smelly... OW!" Adams says as a spiked club hits him in the head. "Hey, why don't you come out here and try that again! HA Ha ha ha!"
"Adam, will you please get away from that cave?"
"Ok, fine," he says, picking up the club and throwing it back.
Adam leaves in a good mood, though his cuts and scrapes hurt. Eve suggests they go to the 'river' to clean him up so they go back to the big blue wet thing, near a big waterfall. There, with a great deal of complaining, she washes the goblin dust off his wounds.
"You know, you don't look familiar at all," Eve says, spilling another handful of water on Adam's hair.
"We just met," Adam says.
"Yeah, but most people in dreams are people you know."
"What's dreams?"
"... Nevermind. We'll talk about it later. We still need to find a place to sleep before night."
"What's night?"
"Um... you know, when it gets dark?"
"You mean 'Lightning Storm'?"
"No... I mean when the sun," she says, pointing as if communicating to a child or someone who speaks another language, "goes down..." she finishes, dropping her hand like a sunset.
"... It goes down?"
"Of course it does! How long have you been here?"
"... I don't know."
"Well, you'll see what I mean. You know, this is a nice place. It's pretty as a picture, huh?"
"Picture!?"
"Sorry, I keep forgetting you don't know anything..."
"I know what pictures are!"
"... Ok...."
She lets the subject drop and starts looking around. The waterfall is very lovely, with white waters cascading down the rocks into a beautiful light blue pool of water, surrounded by tall green grasses, and more than a few nice flat rocks basking in the warm glow of the sun. The fruits are abundant here to, which is nothing special in Eden, apparently. Neither are pleasant little birds with sweet songs, or bright colored exotic birds with huge displays of feathers, or lovely beds of flowers with inviting smells. It is a lovely dream... and with so much stress in her life, she's glad if she is in a coma for while.... For now, she doesn't mind that she has no idea what she was supposedly stressed about, or that absolutely no memory of her past has occurred to her yet.
She straightens her tan sweater and brushes off her pants a bit, inexplicably thankful that she didn't wear nylons today, though she doesn't remember having a choice, or even getting dressed.
She decides to get a closer look at the waterfall and laughs when she looks behind it. A cave... just like a movie! A gentle blue light emanates from within, glowing from mushrooms of varied sizes. It's roomy too, she thinks as she walks farther in. There is a wide area with several branches off in different directions. Nearby, a small trickle of water pools on a shelf of rock about waist level. One of the branches is veiled with hanging moss, another climbs steeply, and a third descends.
The descending cavern becomes cold very quickly and has ice collecting on the walls and icicles formed all the way to the ground with little rivulets running down them. The branch ends with a chilly wall of ice.
The veiled branch is short, but dry, ending with a raised smooth surface that's slightly bowled, but it's hard to see because there aren't many mushrooms in this part of the cave.
The last cavern climbs straight to the top, where another lovely view awaits, with wide branched trees providing a canopy by the cliff edge where the waterfall flows.
All in all, a little too convenient, she thinks... but she's not about to complain!
The first thought that comes to her mind when she hears the screams, she says aloud:
"Oh no, I left Adam alone!"
And way down below her, she sees it! The bear! Adam splashes the water, backing away, until he gets a little too deep and drops into the pretty blue.
"Adam!" she yells, but he's barely able to lift his head every few seconds for a sputtering breath! She walks to the edge... it's probably not too high, and it's probably deep enough....
As she stands unsteadily at the edge, about to jump, she sees a figure riding on the bear! He dismounts and stands at the pools edge... he looks just like Adam!
The one in the water is still struggling, so she takes a breath jumps off the cliff over the pool. She drops swiftly, the pool rushing as she points downward. She sweeps her body upward as she plummets in the water, briefly hitting the rocks below. She pushes up and quickly finds Adam.
Adam doesn't stop fighting, but she gets him to the opposite bank.
Adam2 and Mr. Bear waste no time crossing (Adam2 relying heavily on Mr. Bear).
"He's a liar, don't believe anything he says!" Adam says gaspingly as Adam2, with mud on his face like war paint, and the bear approach. The bear has a peculiar look about him, as he turns his head and looks at Adam2.
"What are you talking about?" Adam2 says, but he still seems angry. "We're here to apologize, and welcome 'Her'."
"I'm very sorry for frightening you," says Mr. Bear in a gentle voice. Eve screams and jumps behind Adam.
"And we're here to help you," Adam2 says seriously, almost insistently.
"God sent me to protect you from a horrible evil," the bear says in a soothing voice.
"What?" Adam says incredulously. "What evil?"
"I can't be certain, but it will be coming soon," the bear says calmly. "And if you do not come with me, I'm afraid nothing will save you from it."
"This is ridiculous, are you hearing this guy, Adam2?"
"Don't call me Adam2 anymore! My name is Vygar now!"
"Look, I know we've had disagreements, but you can't just trust every bear that comes along and says 'A Great Evil is Coming!'" Adam says.
"Why not?" Vygar says angrily, pointing his stick at Adam.
"Please, be calm Vygar. It is natural for humans to distrust bears. I understand if you do not choose to join us, but for your own sake, I hope you will."
"No-Way!" Adam says stubbornly.
"Is this how you feel also, human woman?"
Adam gives Eve the puppy dog eyes, pleading wordlessly that she doesn't go, and this does seem a little far fetched.... 'Mr. Bear' awaits her response, and she has a feeling Adam will follow if she goes.
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Last edited by Lebrenth on Wed Mar 15, 2006 6:31 pm; edited 5 times in total
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 4:37 pm Post subject: |
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Additional questions for Mr. Bear come to the same answers:
"I can't be sure what the Great Evil is, but I know it's coming and I have to bring you to safety. You'll have to trust me"
No details. He's asking for a leap of faith.
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 11:47 pm Post subject: |
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*giggles* I love the goblin pic. Labyrinth?
Well, Adam is out of the loop on this one. It's all down to EVE.
It's a dream - and if her stress levels demand that she goes to ride a bear to bring herself out of a coma, then who is she to deny herself that treat?
Leap that leap of faith, and I'm sure Adam will come along too, muttering and grumbling all the way
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 12:16 am Post subject: |
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Excellent Lebs! Many chuckles!
Well, I don't know what Eve would do, probably go with A2, or Vinegar, or whatever his new name is. But the, who knows the minds of females eh? Certainly not me, that's for sure.
Remember, Adam gave her the shiny coin! He could bring that up in any disagreement. 
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Stubby
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 1:11 am Post subject: |
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Gobliiiins!
I loved the pretty as a picture quote too.
As for the decision - well, lets see, we've just had the pretty mushrooms and now we have a talking bear! I wouldn't trust a word he says. I say we go and look for this great weevil that he says is coming and hear his side of the story too. (Better take some mushrooms along so that he can talk as well)
Oh, and Chinaren, Vinegar ROFL! but I think you'll find his name is Viagra - which opens up a whole new set of worrying prospects.
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 4:01 am Post subject: |
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I think she should look for another animal...there's a snake around her somewhere, and surely a zebra to ride around on (much better than a grizzled old bear). See if any of those critters have something to say. They might just stare back at you with dumb animal looks, but they're far less likely to eat you later.
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The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Smee
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 4:38 am Post subject: |
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Great chapter Lebby
I recognise the goblin pic from somewhere - I'm thinking a film like Labyrinth, or NeverEndingStory.
Very entertaining.
Stubby: "Viagra" You'll be calling Storygame of the Month Scrotum next
I think we should ignore the warning, afterall God's gifts so far have been fairly evil - maybe his evil is good?
Happy Writing.
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Chinaren
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 11:37 am Post subject: |
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Sarah says, "I wish I did know what to say to make the goblins take you away."
Pointy nosed goblin says in the shadow, "'I wish the goblins would take you away right now!' that isn't so hard is it!?"
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Araex
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 12:02 pm Post subject: |
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First off: prod a mod to remove your poll!
Second: Great story! Hilariousness all round.
Thirdly: I agree with Stoat - and the point about God/evil/good is irrelevant, because 'Her' hasn't met God yet.
Fourthly: There isn't a fourth, except to say good story again!
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 4:03 pm Post subject: |
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| Araex wrote: | | First off: prod a mod to remove your poll! |
I left it on for a day in case anyone wanted to see the stats. Anyway, I'm ready for the next poll... and I guess it's a good time to put it together!
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 5:59 pm Post subject: |
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I want a second opinion. How about that trustworthy looking snake over there?
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 6:39 pm Post subject: |
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Oops!
For those who might have noted it, in the beginning of the last chapter, I called the Tree "the Tree of Life". It has come to my attention that the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil is the one that Adam and Eve traditionally ate from and the Tree of Life was an entirely different tree.
I don't want to confuse anyone, so I changed the chapter....
Anyway, I guess I've waited long enough! I'm going to start writing the next chapter!
Everyone reading this has my gratitude. I value all of your comments, and that you give me the opportunity to write. I will try to keep this story as entertaining as I can, I just hope you realize I really do appreciate your involvement.
Lebrenth
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 7:37 pm Post subject: |
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| Voted for "Don't worry, Be Happy ". I'm still loving this by the way. But I look forward to seeing some more of God-that crazy nut.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 8:48 pm Post subject: |
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Chapter Six of "EVE OF DESTRUCTION"
"I think we need a second opinion," Eve says decisively. She swims back over the pool without waiting for a response. The others follow as she tries to wring out some of the water from her sweater. The bear lopes alongside.
"There's another person here?" he says in his usual calm voice.
"Yeah, well there should be a snake in the tree," she says, just starting to realize that she still doesn't really know where that is.
"A snake? Are you sure you want to do that?" the bear says. Adam and Vygar look at each other in mutual uncertainty and look back up at the eye. It still hasn't moved, nor has the sun, Adam notices, but he doesn't know any different really so he just follows along until Eve stops and lets him lead the way.
Pushing through doesn't take too long. Adam keeps finding himself returning to the Tree and he's getting better at it each time. They only have one brief stop when Eve just walks off on her own for a while till Adam gets curious and impatient.
"What is she doing?" Vygar asks the bear.
"She's relieving herself," he says.
"... How?"
"You've done it... you know... it's when you... um.... You remember the little hole you dug?"
"Yeah..."
"Do you remember what you put in the hole?"
"... Oh.... But why does she walk off on her own?" Vygar asks with Adam listening intently.
"She ... that's just how females are."
"Oh."
"Well," Adam says, "she's taking too long!"
"Be patient, Adam," the bear says.
"What are you guys talking about?" Eve says accusingly.
"Nothing..."
"Did you remember to bury it?" Vygar says, trying to be helpful. Eve doesn't respond.
"This is just the sort of thing they never tell you about paradise," Eve grumbles, unknowingly displaying a large crinkled leaf sticking out of her pants. "Well? Are we going?"
Adam doesn't understand why she had to put a leaf in her pants, but he knows Eve is a lot smarter, so he doesn't bother questioning her. He feels a little bullied but he brings the group to the meadow.
"I think he's in there," Adam says, remembering the snake climbing the tree after it finally got off his face.
"... I'll wait for you here..." the bear says with a little less serenity than usual.
"Why? Don't you want to meet the snake?"
"...I'd... rather not..." the bear says, looking a little sick (though it's hard to read his face with all the fur on it; he might just be sleepy).
"All right, how about you Vygar?"
"If Bear is staying, I am staying!" he says sternly.
"... Adam?"
"Yeah sure, why not?" he says, hiding the fact that he's more afraid of being left alone with the other two than of the snake.
Adam and Eve enter the meadow side by side, and other than the fact that Eve is clothed, looking very much like a classic "Adam and Eve" picture. The Tree looks completely harmless. A nice straightforward apple tree and the apples are shiny and red. Eve stares up at them with a pleasant smile. They look positively delicious!
"You sure you don't want--"
"NO! Now let's just talk to the snake and get it over with."
"Snake!" Eve calls. "Snake?"
"Pardon me," a voice says from the ground behind them. The long green snake slithers between her feet unnervingly, then coils around the tree lazily.
"Are you the snake?" Eve asks. The snake stops and looks at her for a moment to emphasize how stupid her question was.
"What do you want?" the snake says in a bored voice.
"Hi, my name is Eve and this is Adam."
"What, you're here to get an apple already? Geez, I haven't even given you my pitch yet."
"Well, I think Adam should, but he says God will get mad."
"... Uh huh... Well knock yourselves out. It will make you smart... you'll be like God and stuff."
"Actually, we were kind of hoping you could tell us about 'The Great Evil.'"
"The Great Evil? Look, I'm just a snake, but I don't know anything about a Great Evil. These apples are completely harmless and without side effects."
"I'm not talking about the apples."
"Well you should be. Don't they look tasty? Huh? Aren't you curious what they taste like?"
"I know what apples taste like!" Eve says.
"I don't," Adam says.
"Let me handle this."
"But you're getting off the subject! We're here to ask about the dumb evil thing!"
"That's right, Adam, be a man," the snake says
"Hey!" Eve interjects.
"What? I just want him to stand up for himself!" the snake says defensively.
"You just leave him alone! He doesn't know about this place."
"I've been here longer than you," Adam says.
"Never mind that. Snake, do you know about the great evil or not?"
"I don't know anything about evil."
"What and you live in that tree?"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Well, haven't you tried eating one of them?"
"I'm a carnivore! If you ate one of the apples you'd know that!"
"I do know that!"
"What's a carnivore?" Adam says.
"Adam, please, just don't say anything."
"Eat an apple, Adam," the snake says.
"Well that's fine with me. I was the one who suggested it in the first place," Eve says.
"She's using reverse psychology, Adam. Don't listen to her!" the snake says with increasing fervor.
"Reverse what? You don't want me to eat an apple?" Adam asks desperately confused.
"No, eat an apple!" the snake says vehemently.
"But that's what she told me to do! And you told me not to listen to her!"
"Just eat an apple already!" Eve and the Snake nearly yell in unison.
"Stop it! Give me a chance to think!"
"Uh oh," the snake says, slithering out of sight, deeper into the tree. The clouds swallow the sun, and a freezing gale sweeps the land, followed immediately by little flakes of white. The Eye becomes larger as it penetrates the clouds and the great booming voice returns to shake the land.
"Adam! Show yourself to me!" God calls. Adam blinks and Eve is behind the tree and deep in the trees beyond the meadow, 'Vygar' and the bear quiver in the shadows, leaving Adam in plain sight right in the middle of the garden.
"There you are! Bow down to me and tremble at my new miracle! Snow!"
"Would you cut that out already? You're hurting my ears!" Adam yells.
"Oh it's you," God says with disappointment. "Where's the other Adam?"
"He changed his name to Vygar."
"What!" God exclaims. "... Hey, that is kinda cool. Where is he?"
"He's hanging out with the bear."
"They're hanging out? They're supposed to be fighting!"
"Fighting? What do you mean?"
"Bears eat people and people hunt the bears and make clothes out of them!"
"Clothes? Well, what about the Great Evil and stuff?"
"Great Evil? I didn't make any great evil yet! Where are you getting this stuff?"
"The bear said--"
"The bear talks?! Where is he? I got to hear this."
"He's over there in the trees," Adam says... "You know, this snow is kind of cold."
"Yeah, it's supposed to be, stupid. Go make a bear coat if you don't like it. ... I can't see him... wait, let me use my lightning."
Adam dives behind the tree beside Eve and an intense flash rips through the snowy sky streaking toward a tall tree in the middle of an open field.... A field of electric currents course throughout the tree, illuminating it and making the apples glow like bright red Christmas lights. Adam's and Eve's hair stand on end and there's lights in their eyes and ringing in their ears, but they seem to be unharmed. Something slips and falls out of the tree with a thud, and the snake lies limply and lifelessly on the ground in front of the dazed humans.
"Whoahoho! Now that was cool! I gotta try that again! ... Aw man! It has to recharge... That's stupid."
"God, I think you killed the snake," Adam says, poking at the heap with a stick.
"I can make another one if I want to. Hey, what are you doing there anyway? You aren't trying to eat those apples are you?"
"No! It's just the snake and Eve that were trying--"
"Who's Eve? There's an Eve?"
"Yeah, you made her a while ago, remember?"
"A girl?! There's a girl in there?!"
"Well, yeah, but you--"
"No -- I -- Didn't!" God yells wrathfully. "Forget the bear! Where's the girl?"
"I don't know..." Adam says slowly slouching into a cowering ball.
"Yes you do! Tell me!"
"I got sick of her and told her to go away... I don't know where she is..."
"Well you better find her! ... I know who did this! Oh, she's going to pay for this! I'll be back, you just find that girl before she ruins everything!"
"Ok.... Could you stop the snow first? ... God? ..."
Adam shivers and chatters his teeth, staring up at the merciless Black Eye with a faint hope that he'll be nice for once and stop the terrible cold flakes. Slowly, Eve peaks out from under the tree and approaches Adam.
"... Thanks," she says.
"For what?"
"For protecting me from God. You're right, he is a jerk."
"I told you.... What are we going to do?"
"I don't know," she says glumly, already thinking it would make things a lot easier on Adam if she would just wake up already. With a small snap, a glowing apple falls from the tree and bounces off of Adam's head with a flicker, then rolls on the ground, still giving off a warm red light.
"... That apple... just fell..." Adam says with unusual profundity. Eve picks the apple up.
"It's warm!" she says, clasping it and pressing it against her cheek to make sure.
"... It was up there... then it fell..." Adam continues. "Something made it fall..."
"Adam, I think it's time," she says seriously, facing him and holding out the warm apple. Adam holds it in the air, then drops it.
"Ha! It fell again!"
Eve picks it up, "Adam, this is serious!" But Adam is preoccupied, picking things up and dropping them. He finds a small rock and a large rock and he holds them at about the same height with great anticipation. He lets go of them and they both hit the ground at the exact same time.
"Did you see that! That rock was heavier, but it fell just as fast!"
"Adam! There's no time for that!"
"I think this is important."
"I'm going to drop a rock on your head if you don't snap out of it! God will be back any minute!"
"Yeah, that's weird isn't it? Where does he go? I mean, his eye is still there...."
"Help!" Vygar screams, then more screams accompanied by a tremendous roar. Then for a few moments of silence, they wait. There is a sound... like dragging....
Adam quickly drops one last rock, then runs across the meadow into the forest.
"Adam, wait!" Eve calls, stopping before entering the dark trees, then abandoning safety and following after, joining Adam as he stands over a dark splattering of red, forming a trail that goes toward the mountains.
Adam stands for a moment in shivering thought, then says, "Where'd that walking bear coat go?"
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Last edited by Lebrenth on Thu Mar 16, 2006 7:50 am; edited 3 times in total
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 4:05 am Post subject: |
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Great chapter Lebs!! Took my mind off my terrible toothache for a while.
The bear went to a hole in the mountain, draggy Vinegar with him, by his leg. (God has 'fixed' the bear?)
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Smee
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| Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 4:19 am Post subject: |
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My suspicions too Chinaren.
A couple of quick typo's Lebby :
| Quote: | | Yeah, well there should a snake in the tree," she says |
| Quote: | | Adam runs dives behind the tree beside Eve |
Some very funny parts - particularly like the rock dropping
If he's going after the 'fixed' bear then lets hope he advances to very hard rock throwing soon. Maybe even advancing to sharp pointy thing throwing but that's probably too advanced.
Get above the cave, and when the bear comes out make a rock fall on his head.
God is sounding more and more like a kid, and EVE sounds suspiciously like the input of a sibling rival.
I'm sure all will be revealed though, after more fun of course.
Happy Writing
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Stubby
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| Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 4:28 am Post subject: |
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Anoteher good chapter *grin*
Loved the newtonian physics lesson
I think Smee may have nailed it with this being a kid messing around, though (clever sod)
I'd say eat the apple (still)
Keep up the good work!
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 8:07 am Post subject: |
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Thanks for the typos, Smee! I hate mistakes like I hate mosquitos and I really hate mosquitos.... I fixed them and a few more I found along the way, hurray!
Sorry to hear about your toothache, Chinaren! Do they have dentists in China or are you going to have to find a heavy rock and an ice skate?
(Thanks for the input everybody! I'll have the poll up soon)
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 10:25 am Post subject: |
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Excellent chapter as usual Lebs.
I like the 'school project' idea. We'll just have to see if that's what's going on
For now, I think rock-dropping is a good option - and when's Eve going to show him some of her hot stuff? I mean fire of course
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 4:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Sorry to hear about your toothache, Chinaren! Do they have dentists in China or are you going to have to find a heavy rock and an ice skate? |
They do have dentists. Once I get my PC back up and running I will post a picture of one, and show you why I don't go to them!
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 6:43 am Post subject: |
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Another hilarious chapter. Eve has clothes. If she looks warm enough just strip them off of her. Bound to be easier than dropping a rock on the head of a bear. Make her kill and skin the damn thing.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 8:17 pm Post subject: Poll for EVE OF DESTRUCTION |
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This notice has been sent to you to inform you there will be a temporary disconnection of electricity, gas, water, and air in your neighborhood. Starting March 19th, all of these utilities need to be intermitted to install the next EVE OF DESTRUCTION poll. Please use the time you have left to prepare for the disconnection by throwing away all perishable foods, buying lots of blankets, making a water storage, and doing lots of extra breathing to help carry you through the next week.
Thank You,
The Department of Officials Who Don't Care About People
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Chinaren
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Sun Mar 19, 2006 5:36 am Post subject: |
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Get in touch with your feminine side...
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Mon Apr 10, 2006 9:18 am Post subject: |
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| Excellent Lebrenth.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 3:20 pm Post subject: |
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Chapter Seven of "EVE OF DESTRUCTION"
"Calm down Adam," Eve says. "I think we need to find shelter quick. If this snow lasts, we might freeze."
"It sure is cold," Adam says with greedy eyes staring at Eve's warm sweater (that's ever so soft!).
"We should get back to the cave," Eve says obliviously. Her attention keeps switching back to the trees, as phantasms of large bears keep appearing and disappearing. She slowly walks off with Adam trailing here with covetous thoughts running through his head. And the colder it gets, the more he thinks about it.
At first it's thoughts of waiting till she's asleep to steal it, but as his teeth chatter, he thinks a nice sleepstick would work better. His whole body trembles with each cold breath of wind. His fingers go more numb and his feet feel like ice blocks. He shuffles through the thickening layer of snow, Eve still uptight, pushing ahead and looking around for the bear.
"Come on Adam!"
Adam finds a big thick sleepstick that will get the job done in one swift blow. He can hardly bring himself to consider hitting her at all, but it will be better if it's fast. Maybe he can even say someone else did it... Yeah, he could say God dropped it on her head! He grabs it with numb fingers that can hardly grip and drags it with him. And tries to catch up with Eve.
Being so heavy, he doesn't catch up with her right away. In fact it isn't until she stops and sits on a rock to tie her shoes that he can get to her. Slowly, he creeps forward, the branch dragging loudly with him. She proceeds to re-tie her other shoe as Adam groans to lift the branch over his head. He looks down on her... he just can't!
"Adam?" she says, then looks behind her and up at him.
"Hi."
"What are you doing?" she says innocently.
"Nothing," he says, still struggling to keep the branch aloft. "Um, could I borrow that thing you're wearing? I'm really cold."
"Oh you poor thing!" she says in sudden realization. As she's pulling it over her head, Adam drops the branch quickly. He grabs the sweater and throws it on backward, feeling much better quickly. "I guess I was just so used to you being naked all the time! Ha ha... Sorry."
"Yeah, that's ok," Adam says, admiring the feeling of clothing by embracing himself. "This is really nice."
"... Uh, yeah, you should try a whole outfit sometime."
"No, I mean I really like this. Can I have more?"
"Well, there's a problem, see."
"What? come on!"
"Adam, please keep back, you're making me nervous! Stop that!"
"You've had it long enough, it's my turn!"
"I'm not used to being naked like you are."
"It's still my turn."
"I don't care what you think! They're my clothes! Stop it!"
Suddenly Adam tackles her and tries pulling the clothes off!
"Just let me have one more! You've got plenty!"
"You're going to ruin them! Get off!"
Eve squirms out of his grasp and tries to get away, but Adam catches her legs and immediately tries to pull her pants off. She keeps hitting him, but he keeps pulling till eventually the button pops off the pants and he wriggles it off of her. She finally gets away, pantless. Adam does not pursue. He smiles as he puts his legs in awkwardly. Eve, hiding behind a tree, looks back scornfully.
"You Stupid Caveman! Those are mine! I need them!"
The legs aren't nearly big enough, but Adam doesn't seem to mind a bit. He chuckles. Eve starts throwing rocks.
"Ow! Stop! It was my turn!"
"I hope you die!"
Adam runs away, as best he can while holding the pants with both hands and waddling. Eve follows and keeps throwing rocks, preferably the pointy ones. Tripping and bruising all over, he eventually has no choice!
"Fine! Take them! Take them! Stupid clothes!"
She keeps throwing rocks as he stumbles along, taking off the pants and the sweater. She puts them back on, though the pants won't fasten anymore.
"Now you can go find your own clothes, by yourself!"
She throws one last rock which flies right past his hands and against his forehead, before she stomps away.
And now Adam feels really bad... you know, because he's cold again and he's bruised all over. He stands there for a moment watching Eve leave, probably going to the cave, and just feels miserable for himself. The snow keeps falling and surrounding him, getting in his hair and eyes. His anger erupts and he yells into the sky!
"God! Why didn't I get clothes!?"
It echoes madly against the mountains.
"Shut up!" he yells back at the mountains. "I'm trying to talk to God here!"
And it echoes too. He's about ready to go teach that guy a lesson for repeating him, but with his first step he's reminded how sore and tired and cold he is. "I'll get you later!" he yells.
"I'll get you later!" it echoes back.
"Oh yeah!?"
"Oh yeah!?"
"Stop it! Stop it stop it stop it!"
And so forth for a minute before he decides he shouldn't waste anymore time with words. It's time for action.
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Last edited by Lebrenth on Thu Apr 13, 2006 11:19 am; edited 1 time in total
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Chinaren
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 5:17 pm Post subject: |
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| LOL Nice one Lebrenth.
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 10:38 pm Post subject: |
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*giggles* I'm glad Adam didn't go get his own clothes. Not in story terms, but that was hilarious - wouldn't have missed it for the world!
It's time for action, is it? Well, since Eve seems to have deserted him, I think Adam should go and eat the apple of knowledge. Maybe that will tell him where to find a decent menswear department in this place?
Or maybe he should appeal to 'her'. You know - worship other gods before his own? After all, the other god seems a lot friendlier. Perhaps she could help him out?
Go build a statue to her (well, a stick figure anyway), bow and scrape a little, offer up a sacrifice (I'm sure we could afford to sacrifice plenty of blecks!) and see if she answers. If she does, ask for something nice in pinstripes
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 5:03 am Post subject: |
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Beautiful! Great, hilarious chapter.
Now he’s cold and bruised, all because he didn’t want to crack Eve one on the head. And some punk on the mountains keeps repeating everything he says. He should really go find Eve, apologize- maybe even grovel a little, to get the sweater back- and then bring her out here to shout something and witness the cheek of it herself.
In the event that she fails to be impressed (which is likely, because let’s face it, for a chick that seems to know so much she can be pretty thicko at times) then just march right up to those mountains and find the sucker and give him a good pounding. But you better take more than a sweater that fits too tightly, and a sleep stick.
Eve did pretty good throwing sharp rocks…try those, and see how much faster you can get them to whizzing through the air if you used to sleep stick to whack ‘em one rather than simply throwing them.
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| Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 9:40 am Post subject: |
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So, a quick poke in the SGotM did get another chapter *grin*
I'm glad I nominated you now!
Great chapter too! I still have that image of him waddling along in too-tight girls pants, while being pelted by rocks - too funny!
Not sure what he should do next though...
Hmmm, last chapter ended with Viarga and his performing bear heading off to the mountains* - I wonder if that is who is doing the silly echo effect?
You could go look there
* well, one of them went and the other was kinda dragged along, as I remember
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Smee
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| Posted: Fri Apr 14, 2006 12:25 am Post subject: |
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Very funny chapter Lebby
The conversation for clothes swapping - as rediculous as it was - was very well done and entertaining to read.
I think it's too soon for the for the apple of knowledge, but some sacrificial blecks to 'her' could be fun.
I think he shouldn't worry about that cheeky ingrate in the mountains, at least until this cold stuff goes away. Apologising to Eve would be good, the pants were too small but the jumper would be welcome.
Keep it coming
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Ingrothechundyer
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| Posted: Wed Apr 19, 2006 6:41 pm Post subject: |
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I agree
Very funny story
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Thu Apr 20, 2006 11:49 am Post subject: |
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How many Polls would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck Polls? ... Doesn't have the same ring to it for some reason....
Anyway, EVE OF DESTRUCTION is ready to be voted on!
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Thu Apr 20, 2006 12:02 pm Post subject: |
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In this case, I have significant author insight and I can confirm that the specific apple that Adam has is, in fact, male. There is a comparable number of female apples on the tree, it just happens that a male one dropped first. Is there deep significance in this fact? Probably not, but if you happen to find any please let me know.
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Last edited by Lebrenth on Thu Apr 20, 2006 12:10 pm; edited 1 time in total
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Thu Apr 20, 2006 12:05 pm Post subject: |
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Well, obviously you're fed up of sexual sterotypes which declare women to be the greatest evil due to the fact that they created original sin by eating the apple. And then offering it to Adam. By creating a male apple you are shifting the balance yet again, saying that although a woman ate it, is was the man who brought it about and revoking years of history and believed fact.
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Ave Dominus Nox
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Blood Bowl
Scraping the Barrel
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Thu Apr 20, 2006 12:12 pm Post subject: |
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Well, everyone is deep once you get behind the twisted layer of gnarled feelings and twisted emotions. After penetrating the mind and uncovering the true subconcious thoughts of motality only a deep well of information remains, a unknown desire for knowledge and the capacity to store more data than you knew was possible.
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Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom.
Ave Dominus Nox
A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi
Blood Bowl
Scraping the Barrel
A Tale of Four Swords
Passion
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| Posted: Thu Apr 20, 2006 12:14 pm Post subject: |
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I feel like I should say something profound...
I Think, therefore I is... I think...
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Chinaren
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 2:06 pm Post subject: EVE OF DESTRUCTION, Chapter 8 |
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Chapter Eight of "EVE OF DESTRUCTION"
"That does it," Adam says to himself, picking up his trusty sleepstick. Whoever is out there, they're going to get it. He's had enough of being bullied around by everyone. It's still cold, but his blood is hot as he grumbles up the mountain towards the echo, and any unfortunate bush that gets in his way gets thwacked. Anger drives Adam up the mountain where it gets even colder, but he still doesn't see his adversary... probably because he's running away, Adam surmises. When he finally gets to the summit of the first mountain, he can't see anyone moving anywhere!
"Where are you!?" he yells.
"Where are you!?" it yells back.
"I'm right here!"
"I'm right here!"
"Why don't you come face me like a man?" he says, and he hears the last part of the echo:
"...come face me like a man"
"Watch it, I've got a sleepstick!"
"... I've got a sleepstick!"
Uh oh, he's got a sleepstick too, Adam thinks to himself. A fair fight wouldn't be any fun at all. Picking up a rock, Adam tries to unbalance the odds in his favor, and accidentally invents a new sport. The rock goes much faster when it's hit with a sleepstick! Now he doesn't even have to be close to get that guy! Adam laughs and carries a few rocks with him, climbing down the mountain and up the next one. Reaching the top in nearly frozen exhaustion, icicles hanging from every appendage.
Adam would yell at that guy, but he can't stop shivering enough to say anything.
"Adam!" a voice yells out. Adam turns around and tries to slap himself on the forehead for going too far and overshooting his adversary. But wait, it's not the same voice. That sounded like Eve.
Too bad Adam freezes solid.
THE END
...
Slowly opening his eyes, Adam sees light everywhere and a big bright light far away. It feels warm and uplifting, and it calls to him.
"Adam? Adam."
"Oh no," Adam says to himself.
"What's wrong Adam?" the voice says gently.
"Is it God again?"
"God? No... I'm God's father."
"His what?"
"I am God's father. Are you all right?"
Adam collapses, bursting open the snowman he'd created when he froze standing up. The sun is out again and below the mountains most of the snow has melted, but Adam still can't move anything below his head.
"I've been better," Adam replies.
"Here, does this help?" God's father says, the bright light of the sun grows brighter and warmer. And the thawing process goes faster, but it's still taking its sweet time.
"Yeah, thanks. So what do you mean God's father?"
"... I , uh, made God."
"Like he made me?"
"No... it's a little different... with Gods."
"... Oh... like what?"
"Nevermind, I wanted to talk to you."
"Go for it, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon," he says mistakenly, for with the snow beginning to melt it's especially slippery, and his body begins a very slow downward drift.
"Are you happy?"
"Am I WHAT?"
"Happy? I'm sorry, am I talking too softly?" it says, thunder rippling through the air as the volume increases, and a little avalanche on a neighboring mountain tumbles down.
"NO! NO! You're fine! I was just confused by the question!"
"Oh, I'm sorry. Happy means..."
"I know what happy means, but since when did anyone care?"
"I guess I should have been watching him better."
"God? Absolutely! He's a terrible creator!"
"He's just going through a phase."
Adam doesn't know what a phase is, and he's becoming a little more concerned by the sliding, so he doesn't say anything. Grinding his head against the snow hurts and doesn't seem to be slowing him at all, and his arms are still not moving either.
"Anyway," God's father continues, "I was wondering if you'd rather not have him as God anymore."
"What, you going to take away his God privileges?"
"You could be with his sister instead if you like."
[insert explanation of what a 'sister' is here]
"Any other options?" Adam asks hopefully.
"No. God or his sister."
"How long do I have to think about it?" Adam says, now getting onto a steeper slope and picking up speed.
"Well, I'll just leave you with God until you make up your mind. But I won't be responsible for what he does if you chose him! Deal?"
"DEAL!" Adam cries out now zipping down the slope towards a perilous cliff.
"All right, have a nice day," God's father says, fading away.
"Wait! Could you help me NOT go over that cliff?! God's Father? God's FATHER!?"
Adam's flies off the cliff like a ramp, slowly spinning in midair till he sinks into the snowy valley like a javelin.
He slowly freezes again for another few hours, meanwhile Eve is still out looking for him. She lost his tracks near the summit of the second mountain next to a pillar of snow and hasn't seen any sign of him since, until God's father started talking again....
Adam eventually floats away with the runoff, joining an icy river that flows down a pass and over a cliff in a picturesque waterfall that Adam recognizes as he's bobbing along and eventually tossed over. He floats in the lagoon for a while till he finally thaws and he drags himself onto the bank and basks in the intense rays of the sun. The water evaporates off of him as he lays with an ecstatic grin on his face, and for a while, he gets to do his favorite activity in the world: SLEEP!
But just as he's feeling the warmth in his bones, a dark shadow blocks the sun and everything becomes dark again. Adam pretends to stay asleep, hoping if he pretends well enough, it will go away.
"ADAM!" God yells, causing a massive quake that shakes everything and throws Adam a good ten feet off the ground before he's dropped back down in a prostrate position, cowering below the sinister black eye. "You spoke to Dad?"
"Yes, I did! And he was lot nicer than you!"
"Shut up! It's not fair, I made you! If you choose my sister over me, I promise I'll get you!"
"Hey, I haven't made my decision yet, so why don't you be a little nicer in meantime?!"
"NO! If you choose my sister, I'll destroy you, understand?"
"... I get it! I get it! Stop shouting, you're destroying everything!" Adam says truthfully. The earthquake knocked down a lot of trees and the following avalanches and rockslides, with a sudden increase of heat and large snow banks, is beginning to show signs as well, with the waterfall's intensity easily doubling in just a few minutes.
"It's mine! I'll destroy it if I want to!"
"Ok, ok! Calm down! It was just a suggestion."
"This is stupid, I'm leaving."
Adam waits a minute then yells:
"Good!"
But he's still got some deciding to do.
"Oh yeah!" God says suddenly. "And to make sure you remember what I'll do to you if you choose my sister, I'm leaving the heat on!"
And slowly the black eye withdraws from the sun and the intense rays, once ideally pleasant, are quickly becoming abusive.
"HA, HA, HA!" God laughs mockingly and emphatically, as though just to rub it in instead of actually enjoying himself (as he usually does when he's tormenting Adam). Adam shrugs and goes into the cool shady cave, convinced that he's perfectly safe in there....
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 2:42 pm Post subject: |
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So, now God has a dad and a sister - once again I don't remember those from my Sunday School lessons. But what too do...
I would say choose God's sister, but I'm not sure what God would do about it - would he be able to get us afters - I guess he'll have to ask God's Dad next time he sees him.
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Ingrothechundyer
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| Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 3:18 pm Post subject: |
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| Hmm how much worse can his sister be?
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Ingrothechundyer
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| Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 3:33 pm Post subject: |
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| Why not? It could make for a very interesting plot twist having someone want to play dolls and dressup with him.
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Chinaren
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 10:33 pm Post subject: |
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Love the new chapter. Great story so far, Lebs
Well, it's going to be trouble either way. The sister got into the project when God wasn't around, so it's realistic to think that God could do the same if he were thrown off out of his power base.
I think maybe it's time to bargain with God. Tell him that, no matter how much he threatens and bullies, he still won't have his world any more if you say the word. Just because you'll lose, it doesn't mean he won't as well.
So, how about you both win? You say you want to keep him as God, the sister gets kept out of the loop, and in return, he creates another Adam/Eve/whatever he wants, and plays with him/her/them. All he has to do to keep his world is to leave Adam alone. Oh, and provide him with some clothes so he doesn't freeze. Preferably something like that Eve wears, with the softness and the frills and feminine colours
Then go eat the apple. You could do with some wisdom to get through this one
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Smee
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| Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 10:50 pm Post subject: |
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Very entertaining chapter Lebby
As old as it is, the 'echo' jokes are still fun - I loved his worry at a fair fight when he discovered his 'enemy' also had a sleepstick.
The apple of knowledge definately seems a good idea now. It's not as if God could get much more vengeful.
Keep an eye out for Eve too - she must be around somewhere, and with the extra heat maybe wearing less clothes too
Happy Writing.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 8:45 pm Post subject: |
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Good work. I'm enjoying the chapters so far...
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 Chapter 5: The Rendezvous 
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Stubby
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| Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 10:23 pm Post subject: |
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| lordofthenight wrote: | | So, now God has a dad and a sister - once again I don't remember those from my Sunday School lessons. But what too do... |
Ohhh Lordy - surely you remember the trinity! God the father, god the son, and god the holy sister (well, it went something like that anyway!)
Nice one Lebby - another GREAT chapter to this SG, and I just hve to F5 smee on the echo gags - brilliantly told.
As for the whattishness of the next doingables, ummm, I'd say that Adam really really needs more info to decide on that one. He should go grab a bite of the apple. The knowledge it imparts could be really handy - you know - stuff like the date that the Mayflower sailed for the new world, or the names of all the wives of Henry VIII! Oh sorry - that's a history textbook, not an apple.
Seriously the apple could give him a good basis for making the upcoming decision - or it could just make god angry, in which case torments galore will be awating him.
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Araex
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| Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 9:19 am Post subject: |
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Hah... Jesus as a sadist... loving the echo jokes.
It's either the sister, or Stoat's plot.
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 2:34 pm Post subject: |
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I agree with that apple eating...and finding the sweaty Eve shedding her clothes. But you don't want to walk out of the cool dark cave and get blistered (what's blistered?) and since I'm sure the friendly neighborhood bear is in there somehing exciting is bound to happen.
Since God's father so niftily explained what a sister is, then why don't you get back at God by acting like his sister? I'm sure Eve will have a few helpful pointrs.
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The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Sun Apr 30, 2006 8:26 am Post subject: Poll |
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There seems to be a lot of support for eating the apple so let's take a vote for that first. ... It might change our perspective...
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Araex
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| Posted: Sun Apr 30, 2006 1:42 pm Post subject: |
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| Don't eat it! God made it, and told us not to eat it, so that we will eat it! It's poisonous! God's using reverse psychology to trick us into killing ourselves because he'll find it funny!
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri May 05, 2006 8:11 pm Post subject: |
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Sorry, missed this vote-going-up.
Well, it was a tough choice, I ummed and ahhd and finally flicked a coin.
Consider it broke.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 5:27 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks a lot! And look what we picked! How exciting! Chapter will be under construction soon.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 8:50 pm Post subject: |
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Chapter Nine of "EVE OF DESTRUCTION"
The coolness of the cave reassures Adam of his safety as the land burns beneath the intensified sun. The flooding water from the mountains rushes harmlessly over him and begins to pool in the low areas of the Garden, far from the cave. Even so, Adam can not relax. His life has become too uncertain and there's so much that confuses him. Maybe Eve is right... the apples from the tree might give him the knowledge he needs to decide what to do next. God told him not to eat them, but he can't trust God. The fact he said not to suggests that he should immediately!
Adam looks up with resolution. He walks out of the cave and looks up at the sun. He's about to disobey God, and quite frankly, nothing would please him better.
He makes good time through the Garden, rushing through the trees and bushes. Watching the lush and beautiful garden wilting under the heat makes his mood melt from fear to anger. God doesn't value his creations it seems. He's more interested in destruction.
The rocks are heating up and whenever Adam steps on one it burns his foot, but he ignores it and presses on, back to his origin, back to the very ground he was made from, and soon he's back in the meadow with the bare spot where Adam was born and the Tree with the shining red apples... God's second creation.
Adam steps forward... the tree is unphased by the heat, standing strong and proud. Below it a trail of green dust is all that is left of the snake that lived in it. Adam considers it proper... from dust he came and to dust he shall return.... A shining apple waits for Adam's hand, and lightly drops into it as he reaches. It is warm and a wave of static charges wrap around the apple and Adam's hand from the lightning. Adam raises it to his lips and takes his first large bite.
The taste is exquisitely sweet and somehow unbearably sour at the same time. Its disgusting but delicious, and he wants to throw it away but he wants more. Each time he chews, thoughts and emotions, both foreign and inherently familiar, are released into his mouth and absorbed into his being. The contradictions continue, as Adam feels triumphant and ashamed, powerful and powerless. The feelings and thoughts take over and suddenly he feels less like he's absorbing them than they are absorbing him, and that's where he can take no more and he drops the remainder of the apple, dropping to his knees and clenching his entire body as though his soul was trying to escape.
It takes time for him to accept it all, but then a desolate peace washes over him. His thoughts move subconsciously, reorganizing and evaluating and trying to catch up after so much ignorance. At first, he accepts the understanding that certain things are what they are, but then a realization, with implications too great to surrender to, takes hold, and Adam runs away from the Tree and the Apple. He runs with all his might, faster and faster! He tries to outrun the thoughts and feelings, he tries to dodge the new fact that has burrowed into his belly. Like a predator, it catches him, but he keeps running anyway. He has to prove it wrong!
Across the dilapidated Garden, past the burned forest, across the swollen river to the edge of the world, where he first found the invisible barrier.... No, not enough yet. Adam runs along the edge of the world, denying the truth it insists upon, even as he finds the corner where the edge turns 90 degrees in upon the Garden. He runs with inexplicable vitality, runs beyond human ability, till he sees what he hoped for....
Large rectangular forms grow into vision like skyscrapers, but there shape is not what's important. What's important is their location. Adam smiles and laughs exhaustedly. Surely these buildings standing outside of the Garden, beyond the edge of the world, were proof that he wasn't merely a prisoner in a pretty cage, or worse....
The buildings, or so Adam thought they were, have large pictures and bright letters, like gigantic billboards for some kind of toy.
"BUILD YOUR OWN GARDEN OF EDEN"
with a picture of the garden.
and:
"ADAM, THE FIRST MAN"
With a giant picture of Adam himself... there are two buildings with Adam on it.
"Goblin Lair" is another building nearby, with a picture of the goblins Adam encountered in the cave. That building is still open on top, as though it was a giant box. Behind it, Adam sees an eyedropper of titanic proportions and he knows there is no denying it any longer. It is all true.
Suddenly everything is not black beyond the edge of the world, but fill with colors and shapes, all of them very large. Adam peers into a massive valley, but not a valley. It's a bedroom, that of a young boy. And Adam sees that the sun is just a large lamp and the black eye is a sort of a microscope to observe the miniature world, a microcosm. And high above that is a large figure who could only be one person: God.
He looks different... a large red head with a blue gem on the forehead and large boxing gloves on his hands.... Oh wait... that's just a poster of Strongbad. God must not be here right now.... He didn't make his bed before leaving either.
Adam leans against the glass of his cage, knowing fully where he is and what he is about. He's God's play thing, purchased at a hobby store for $36.99, according to the label. It also says that minors should only use it with parental consent and supervision, induce vomiting if swallowed and wash out thoroughly with water if it gets in the eyes. Then call a physician. Questions or comments should call "1-800-ADAM'S LIFE IS A MEANINGLESS SHAM."
... It might as well say that anyway....
Adam crumples himself up with his back to the glass. It's easier to look at the Garden... to believe in it instead of what is behind him. But now that he knows the truth, he knows there is no going back. Dumb apple.
After hours of running, he's exhausted but he needs to take a dump first. He picks no particular spot and chuckles sadly with the irony that he's crapping out the Apple of Knowledge.
The red lump lays there mockingly... funny that it's red when most of the apple was white like a normal apple.... It begins to crumbles, turning into red dust like everything else in the Garden that dies.... The ground around it begins to crumble too... it loses its color, becoming a light grey like the dirt of the moon. The circle widens, all of the grass becoming dust in little puffs, but growing.
Adam's sullenness vanishes, replaced by sheer terror. The grey grows like a match dropped on a puddle of gas, but he tries to outrun it. Its speed increases the wider it gets and it consumes the mountains beneath Adam's feet, he falls with it like a helpless grain of sand in an hourglass. And the hunger of the grey is not sated with the mountains. It devours the forests and the swollen river, the plains, and all that is beyond them to the opposite edge of the world as Adam knew it.
And nothing remains within it except Adam himself, and it is as it was when he was first born. Adam looks at himself, covered in the dust that are the ashes of his world. The grey has spread to him as well, but it does not consume him yet.
The massive door of the bedroom opens and God has returned... a boy perhaps twelve years old wearing a black shirt that reads "I do what the voices in my head tell me to". And he runs right up to the cage, but he doesn't need the help of the black eye to tell him what's happened.
"Oh good job, Adam. You still alive?"
Adam says nothing.
"This is terrible. Do you know how many weeks allowance I had to trade for this?"
God turns off the sun for the first time and everything darkens. Fitting, Adam says, for the end of his life.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"The box says you wouldn't believe it."
"You did what the box said?"
"Hey, I told you not to eat the apple!"
"How was I supposed to know you were giving me good advice for once?"
"What do you want out of me? I even gave you a Goblin Lair. You were supposed to be good for at least 10 months. It's that girl's fault!"
"It's your fault! You made me like this! Why did you make the Tree in the first place."
"Yeah, that's the stupid part. I should totally send an email to the company. Anyway, I had to make the tree or else you would have died in a week."
"I would have lived longer then! ... Am I going to die?"
"Yeah... you're SOL, man."
"What happened to Eve?"
"... I'm not sure... I don't have the instructions for Eve. My stupid sister has it, but if she hasn't eaten any of the apple she should still be around."
God pulls out Adam's instructions from the box and starts reading. Then he gets an evil grin and he grabs the eyedropper.
"I'll be back," God booms, still talking in his usual painfully loud voice as he leaves.
"Sure, whatever. I've got plenty of time."
Adam looks again at the desolation, hoping to see Eve somewhere in the distance, but he doesn't see her anywhere. He starts to wander towards the center of the Garden... the tree is gone, but he knows he could find it on instinct, except he's feeling so tired. His steps are sluggish and reluctant... worn out from the running and mental strain, no doubt. Adam makes a little dirt pillow, but before he gets comfortable, God comes back.
"Oh Adam! I have something for you."
"... Didn't we already go through this?" Adam says, reflecting on how everything was working backward since he ate the apple.
"I think you really want this though. You know, you probably shouldn't sleep right now."
"Why not?"
"That the way it kills you, according to the instructions."
"Good."
"But are you sure you wanna die?"
"Fine, what is it?"
"Antidote. It will save you."
"I don't think I want it."
"Sure you do. Say, how does it feel being smart?"
"Bad. Will it hurt?"
"No. So do you want it?"
The happy sleepiness is feeling a lot more tempting than life right now, but at this moment, Eve finally digs out of the dirt that collapsed on top of her and wakes him enough to fight a little longer.
"All right, give it to me."
"Not so fast," God says connivingly. Then bluntly commands Adam: "Beg for it."
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 9:00 pm Post subject: |
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Very nice chapter Lebby!
A nice plot twist! Maybe we should all run and see if we are in a box.
Well, perhaps he should ask what would happen to him if he lived? Would he have to live in a box for the rest of his life?
Once we know that, then we can figure out the answer. Don't beg though. once that path is taken then the kid will do it every time. Nip it in the bud!
Havta go.
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 9:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Oooooh God's so mean. What else can Adam do but beg for it?
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 11:34 pm Post subject: |
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Good chapter. I thought it must be something like that.
Don't beg. I don't think Adam's feeling too good about his life now anyway. If the boy wants to save you, he'll save you despite what you say. If he doesn't care, then you're better off dead.
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Smee
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| Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 1:07 am Post subject: |
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Very amusing chapter.
I agree - don't beg. It's a kid and it's time to take advantage of the knowledge we've just crapped out.
"Fine, don't give it to me then - but if I die then you've just blown your $37. I don't really care either way."
Happy Writing
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Araex
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| Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 2:41 am Post subject: |
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No begging! Great chapter, have a medal!
Yeah... no ideas to add to the pot. Just get him to think of all the pocket money he's wasting.
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 8:15 pm Post subject: |
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| Actually don't beg.... in fact, why doesn't Adam tell him off?He's just a stupid kid, he should be made aware of that.
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Stubby
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 3:30 am Post subject: |
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f5 everyone, I think
Don't beg.
Excellent chapter though
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 5:54 am Post subject: |
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Don’t beg. Hit him where it hurts- laugh at him. He seems like the kind of kid that couldn’t take being the butt of some joke. Taunt him a bit about how you’ll die laughing at his patent failure. Point out that his sister did a better job making Eve than he did at making anything. He’s bound to keep you alive then, at which point you can switch tactics and offer praise of his wisdom, and use a little child psychology to manipulate and get what you want (well…at least some of the time).
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The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Araex
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 12:47 pm Post subject: |
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| Hmmm... just thinking, what would happen if God ate an apple? Because he's only a kid, and so doesn't know everything, and when Adam starts messing him around, he might resort to desperate measures... I think that would be quite interesting to see.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 7:03 pm Post subject: |
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Additionally, the remains of the Tree and its apples disintegrated with everything else. But it is an interesting idea.... It does surprise me what you people come up with sometimes!
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 7:16 pm Post subject: EVE OF DESTRUCTION Poll |
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All right, I assembled the surprisingly diverse comments for the next move and made a poll. Never mind the last option, that's just a joke. Naturally, I don't imagine you would be this far if you objected to the story, but I figured I might as well mention it and lay a really heavy disclaimer right here:
THIS IS NOT A SATIRE!
It's just an author fooling around. I just hope to keep it entertaining.
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Last edited by Lebrenth on Wed May 10, 2006 12:35 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 7:22 pm Post subject: |
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I voted to tell the stupid lad where to stick it.
By the way, what does the 'U' in your av indicate Lebbie?
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 1:19 am Post subject: |
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Frustrate the creator by laughing at him.
_________________
The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 8:09 am Post subject: |
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| Muaddib wrote: | | By the way, what does the 'U' in your av indicate Lebbie? |
That's a nice question Muaddib. I wonder if you have any interesting guesses....
When I was about ... hmm... maybe 14? I was experimenting with using a symbol to represent my name. It was something my friends were doing and just interested me. I wasn't very satisfied with the previous model (based on a small crescent shaped scar between my eyebrows), but it was the best I could come up with. Then one day for no particular reason and at no particular time, the symbol as you see it in my av appeared in my head and I loved it instantly. It appealled to me partly because it looked a bit like a bard's harp, but it was simple and easy to draw. I also liked the color, but I think that av pic is the only time I have ever represented the symbol in color at all. Anyway, I sometimes sign my name with the symbol beside it and I put it on all the funny little pictures I draw or on things as a mark of ownership....
One might accidentally assume the U stood for Utah, where I was born, or even UVSC (Utah Valley State College) where I took a few classes (their banner is green with yellow letters with the V crossing into the U much like my symbol), but they would be entirely mistaken. There is a remote possibility that it was inspired by the Leinster Flag of Ireland (a harp in a green field), which I might have seen years before choosing the symbol and it was just kicking around in my head till a similar image occurred to me. ... But I would rather think it occured to me on its own, and in any case it's not meant to have a connection with Ireland (not that I have anything against Ireland).
Thanks for asking! I've been wondering about your name for a while, but I was afraid I might offend you if I asked if it had any connection to "Dune" and thought it was more likely drawn from the same source as Frank Herbert drew it from.
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 8:58 am Post subject: |
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| Yes it is from Dune. I prefer the 'one who shows the way' translation, but people seem to find,' desert mouse' funnier.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 1:57 pm Post subject: EVE OF DESTRUCTION, Chapter 10 |
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Chapter 10 of “EVE OF DESTRUCTION”
“Well go ahead,” God says impatiently. “Beg for it already!”
Adam looks at Eve and looks at the black eye, then directly at God himself, a twelve-year-old boy.
“God, you can take that eyedropper and shove it up your ass. You think I want to be part of this any longer? This place is pathetic! You call yourself God because of this? You destroyed most of it yourself before I even thought about eating the apple. I might be dying, but I’m glad, cause your garden is stupid! You must be some kind of retard!”
“Hey, you shut up you moron!”
“Or else what? I’m already dead, so you can’t do anything to me! And there’s no refund for a dead Adam. You just flushed all your money down the toilet and now you’re about to lose another $37.99. Just because you’re too stupid to take care of a garden.”
“I’m not stupid, you’re stupid! Fine, you’re not getting the antidote, you’re gonna just die like a stupid worm!”
“Fine!”
God stamps away angrily and leaves Adam to himself.
“Adam?” Eve says in the distance. Adam starts walking, but the fatigue is catching up with him fast. He’s having a hard time walking straight even. “Adam, are you all right?”
“Yeah I’m fine. I just ate the apple of knowledge and now I’m gonna die.”
“That’s not supposed to happen, is it? I guess we were supposed to be thrown out of Eden, but not just die!”
“You don’t understand. That isn’t God, it’s just a kid with ant farm, except we’re the ants. The apple was just a way to keep us from growing too much.”
“Well I didn’t eat the apple.”
“Well, maybe you won’t die, but there’s not much to live for anymore. Too bad we don’t have anymore apples.”
“Yeah,” Eve agrees somberly.
“Hey, what happened to your clothes?” Adam asks with a strange feeling creeping into him.
“They turned to ash.”
“… That’s too bad,” Adam says insincerely.
“Adam, we’re about to die, do you think you could stay focused for a little while?”
“… So Eve… If I was the last man and you were the last woman and we were together on the eve of destruction, what would you want to do with your last moments?”
“Adam, I…” Eve says all flustered and blushing through her dust coated face. Oh what the heck, if this is all just a dream she might as well get everything she can out of it. “Well, I…”
“Me too,” Adam says with a grin. But just as they begin to touch, God returns, carrying a dustpan and trashcan. “Quick, play dead!”
They fall over, Adam with his head on Eve’s belly, and they stay still as death.
“That was quick,” God says. “Stupid Adam, I’m glad there wasn’t an antidote.”
The lay as still as death and wait as God’s humungous dustpan starts shoveling out the remains of the garden.
“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,” Adam says very quietly. Eve feels his tears as they run off of his face. The dustpan lifts the dust below them, carrying them up out of the glass cage.
“I’m never doing this again,” God says. “It’s liking cleaning up the litter box.” Then he drops them into the trashcan.
Their whole world tosses inside the enormous trashcan as God carries it outside and leaves it for the trash collector. When all is still, Adam and Eve look at each, still alive and nothing broken.
“Is it safe?” Eve asks. And as she does, a titanic cat jumps up on the edge of the can and looks in. They hold still… The cat bounds for the next trash can, and as it does, knocks the first one down, scattering the dust and causing a big cloud.
As the cloud settles, they gaze out into the huge frightening real world, filled with giants, cats, cars and millions of dangers. Adam takes Eve’s hand and they walk out of the trashcan. The cat looks preoccupied with the other trash, so they make a run for it.
They head for a tall forest in neat lines, and take cover in a broken pot. The cat hasn’t noticed or doesn’t care. Then they notice the “forest” is another garden, filled with house-sized tomatoes, mountains of cabbage and cauliflower, a huge patch of strawberries, amongst other things. And as magnificent as it all is, Adam yawns with the intense need to sleep.
“I can’t sleep,” Adam says aloud. “God said I’ll die if I sleep.”
“… I think I know something that will keep you awake,” Eve says, blushing again. Adam’s yawns disappear instantly.
A month later, God is late for school again. Once again, his homework has come up missing, but how is a complete mystery. He even blocked the door last night, convinced it was his sister, and left it on the desk where he used to have the Garden. And overnight, it just vanished!
Adam and Eve giggle to themselves, watching him scramble around looking for it while they hide.
“We really need to come up with something worse, though,” Adam says.
“How about we re-write his homework with all the wrong answers?”
“Too much work… maybe we can put tacks in his shoes?”
“Isn’t that too obvious?” Eve says.
“No,” Adam says as though it was obvious.
“Well maybe we can cut the seams over his butt crack on his pants!”
“Oh, I like that!”
“Speaking of pants….”
“Hey, leave me alone.”
“The apple was supposed to make you ashamed of yourself!”
“I like being naked!”
“Oh come on, don’t you remember the sweater?”
“That was a nice sweater…”
“Oh there he goes, let’s get in his dresser. Maybe I can find you something nice.”
“You know, I think those clothes are slowing you down.”
“I think you’re right,” Eve says blushing again. There’s a good 8 hours before school’s out and God comes back. And Adam and Eve are enjoying every minute.
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Last edited by Lebrenth on Sun May 21, 2006 2:22 pm; edited 1 time in total
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 2:14 pm Post subject: |
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lol, very good. But how did Adam survive? I thought he couldn't go to sleep?
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Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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Stubby
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 2:15 pm Post subject: Re: EVE OF DESTRUCTION, Chapter 10 |
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Brilliant!
only...
| Lebrenth wrote: | | “Adam, we’re about to die, do you think you could focused for a little while?” |
I'm guessing you missed a 'stay' out of there somewhere...
Seriously though - great chapter, and... I'm guessing great ending?
Or now do you want suggestions for how they torture god???? *giggles maniacally*
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 2:18 pm Post subject: |
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| D-Lotus wrote: | | lol, very good. But how did Adam survive? I thought he couldn't go to sleep? |
Eve found a way to keep him awake till it wore off.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 2:21 pm Post subject: Re: EVE OF DESTRUCTION, Chapter 10 |
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| Stubby wrote: |
Seriously though - great chapter, and... I'm guessing great ending?
Or now do you want suggestions for how they torture god???? *giggles maniacally* |
Thanks, Stubby! That's a conclusion, I'm afraid. But thanks for the maniacal giggling.
(and I'll go fix that typo right away)
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 2:23 pm Post subject: |
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Great stuff Lebby! I really enjoyed that chapter, especially the 'getting together' of Adam and Eve at the end
If it was the story's finale, it's a darned good one! If not... then it's a rather evil decision point. Either way, I'm liking it
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 2:25 pm Post subject: |
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Here we go:
THE END
Guess I should have put that on the end of the story....
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 2:47 pm Post subject: |
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Well, good ending.
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Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 6:32 pm Post subject: |
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Well done Lebs! A great story all round.
Of course, the ending leaves room for a sequel, though it would be a very different story from the original of course.
Anyway, congrats on finishing your first SGame!!    
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 10:42 pm Post subject: |
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The end? Well, in that case...
Woohoo! and  Sorry to see such a good storygame vanish from the section.
*waits patiently for the next exciting Lebs. Inc. idea...*
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Mother Goose
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| Posted: Mon May 22, 2006 1:00 pm Post subject: |
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Very funny story Lebby. I especially like it when the stories I'm following come to a satisfying end.
Thank you and congratulations! 
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Smee
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| Posted: Mon May 22, 2006 9:20 pm Post subject: |
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Hilarious ending - well done Lebby
100 Shiny Fables coming your way soon.
Happy Writing
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The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!
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| 12 year old God? |
| There's no choice, beg for the antidote |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Lay down and die before giving him the satisfaction |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Tell God where to stick it |
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30% |
[ 3 ] |
| Remind God of the money he's wasting |
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30% |
[ 3 ] |
| Laugh at God's pitiful attempt at creation |
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30% |
[ 3 ] |
| Conscientiously Object to this poll :) |
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10% |
[ 1 ] |
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| Total Votes : 10 |
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