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Escaping Eternia - Chapter 16: Chat with a Serpent
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PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2011 9:48 pm    Post subject: Escaping Eternia - Chapter 16: Chat with a Serpent Reply with quote

The night was cold as I stepped out of the empty apartment that I called my home for the last twenty-four hours. Half a dozen fires scattered throughout the city lit up the night sky as their smoke blanketed out the stars. It’s been a week since the outbreak first began. It all started with a homeless man. That one homeless man had attacked a man with a high position in some skyscraper or another. The homeless man was killed by police after attacking and infecting two more innocent people, the executive went to work and by the end of that day had broken down and infected three others. They went on to infect more and so on and so forth.

Within a week, the city had become complete and utter chaos and I have seemingly found myself completely alone in this hell hole. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve tried to escape on multiple occasions. I really contain no desire to stay behind in this cesspool of murderous cannibalistic monsters but you know how the story goes. Government hears about the zombie outbreak and decides that it’s a much better idea to just contain the situation instead of wasting money on developing some sort of cure for the bloody infection.

As I stepped out of my most recent dwelling, I caught a sight of several of the damnable creatures staggering toward me. With a survivalist instinct, I reached towards the small handgun that I had found on a decomposing officer. Before drawing the pistol I thought carefully . I was down to one clip. A single solitary nine-millimeter clip and considering the fact that I wasn’t in dire straits, I decided leave it, keep my last sixteen shots and just ran ahead of the shufflers. The night air was filled with the various moans and groans of the creatures that now populated Eternia, the city that I once loved. I strolled down the center of the abandoned roads as I made my way toward my destination. Joseph’s Food and Drug, the nearest source of nourishment.

I kept my eyes open as I traveled, narrowly dodging several more of the foul beasts that roamed the city streets. I kept my hand secured on the pistol that was tucked into the waistband of my slacks, never daring to remove it from what would surely become my lifeline.

After three city blocks of walking and evading, I stopped. Something felt off. I gazed around and found two creatures moving toward me. I drew my gun and placed a single shot into the forehead of each. After the rotting things fell, I couldn’t help but gaze around at my surroundings. The air was still. There were no signs of any other shufflers nearby and the only scent of decomposition clung to the duo that I just took out. Something was wrong. I should have at least heard the nearest group but the nearest groans were coming from blocks away. Something was occupying the creature’s time. Something or someone was leading them away from me. Survivors.

That had to be it. There had to be some other incredibly lucky person in the city. Not military. If the military began sweeping through the city, I’d be hearing more gunfire and at the moment, All I heard was the lazy wails of the damned. An amused smile crossed my face as I started back on my trek, the gun still in my hand. My stomach rumbled slightly as I walked, begging for the food, I’ve dealt without for the last twenty-four hours. I ignored the angry sounds my gut was making and pushed forward through the strangely empty city streets. After what must have been a half hour, I stopped again. The smell of decomposition that clung to every bit of the air was making my already disturbed stomach queasy. Resting against a wall, I let out a sigh and listened for any nearby fiends. I didn’t have to listen long until I heard feet dragging along the asphalt. I lifted from the wall and looked around quickly. Five of them. Five bloody creatures coming up through a nearby alley. As soon as I managed to get the nine-millimeter aimed, I heard more. A loud moan came from behind me. I spun and saw another six turning a corner.

“Fuck,” I said as I pivoted between the two groups that were blocking me in. Aiming at the larger group I squeezed off three shots, taking out half of them. As soon as the last one dropped, I dashed forward. I narrowly averted becoming a meal and continued past them. I turned the corner they came from and was greeted by another large horde of them. “Shit shit shit.”

I slid to a halt and barely escaped a pair of decomposing hands belonging to one well dressed zombie. After side-stepping the cretin, I quickly delivered a solid kick to its leg. The leg crack and bent in an unnatural fashion but the attack still went unfazed but the moaning creature. It turned toward me and just as it reached out again, I shoved my gun into its mouth and squeezed the trigger. Thick black blood sprayed onto me before it slumped to the ground. Knowing that standing around was a bad idea, I turned and continued to run away from the horde. I headed forward, quickly dodging several creatures along my way. Managing to actually get through a good number of the group, I ducked into an alley and raced through it. Appearing on the other side, I noticed only two standing just arms length away from me. I took out one with my pistol and was greeted with another face full of a bloody mist. The other one drew closer and was met with a large punch to the jaw causing part of it to fall off.

Without a seconds delay, I turned and continued to run. Once I was sure there was no immediate danger, I leaned against a nearby wall and took a breather. My heart was beating hard enough that it was all I hard as I stood and breathed heavily. As I rested I couldn’t help but eject the clip from my gun and look at it. I followed suit by pulling the slide back and double checking that there was one in the chamber. Once I was impressed, I slid the clip back in and nodded.

“Ok. I started out with fifteen in the clip and one in the chamber,” I said aloud to no one imparticular. There’s nothing like a complete lack of civilization and conversation to make one appreciate their own voice. “I just used…let’s see… two…five…six...seven. Seven shots. Ok. Nine shots left. Fuck.”

I rocked my head back and let it collide with the brick. A slight stinging sensation resounded through my skull as I stood there, beating myself up for allowing the brain-dead bastards to corner me. It was insulting. Those undead cretins ganging up on me. I hit my head on the wall once more before standing up and kicking the nearest trashcan.

“Fuck,” I shouted. As I stood on the curb after my kick, I felt my stomach rumble angrily once more. I sighed and looked around to try and find my bearings to get back on track. Not seeing any signs, I just shrugged and started down the street, in the direction I was sure the store would be in. As I walked, I found more sparse amounts of the undead. They must have all been in that street coming for me or any other survivor. I strolled for another several blocks, moving past very few creatures without notice. It almost seemed too easy.

After a lengthy stroll, when I actually could make out the burnt out sign a few blocks away, another distraction hit. A loud shotgun blast shattered the air, sounding as if it came from the next street over. I shot a gaze around before jogging forward slightly. I stopped suddenly as another gunshot rang through the night. This time it wasn’t a shotgun. It sounded more like some sort of rifle. I took one step forward and paused before looking to my side toward the direction of the gunshots.

Thoughts raced quickly through my mind as my eyes darted from ahead of me to direction of the shots. I could go and quickly get food. Nourishment before I tried to find some way out of this god-forsaken wasteland. Then again a survivor means ammo and assistance. Not to mention conversation that I’ve been missing since this whole city went down the shit-hole. I closed my eyes and tried to think of what to do.

***********

Alright, what does our brave hero do? Does he go running to the survivors? Or does he just run to get his grub on? or perhaps he just runs in the opposite direction? Or maybe something I haven't mention and/or thought of? The choice is yours!


Last edited by misterbiz on Sun Feb 24, 2013 10:22 pm; edited 31 times in total
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PostPosted: Thu May 12, 2011 12:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

*Jumps on first post*

Welcome aboard Mr. B!

And a fine and enjoyable initial contribution it is too. On the crit side only one sentence tripped me up
Quote:
The leg crack and bent in an unnatural fashion but the attack still went unfazed but the moaning creature.
I sense you'll already know what needs fixing there. Smile

'shufflers' - made me smile.

So we're straight into the action. Our hero considers himself incredibly lucky '...there had to be some other incredibly lucky person in the city' seemingly because he's not military and knows how to handle a gun... I'm assuming that the '...lazy wails of the damned' are those who haven't got it within them either physically or mentally to defend themselves.

The fires - only half a dozen of them in an entire city must mean that the number of survivors is very low.

Our hero doesn't seem to be worried about attracting the zombies' attention by making a noise - as he was talking to himself and kicked a trashcan. He's fired shots, so it is probable that the owner of the other guns would have heard him, and might also be facing similar choices.

But... we don't know if this is one person or two, or whether they're fighting together, or fighting against each other.

My instinct would be to get closer, but not so close that I can't run if I need to. We haven't encountered any other survivors face to face for most of, if not all of the week since this infection took over. 'There’s nothing like a complete lack of civilization and conversation to make one appreciate their own voice.'

Hmmm. Let's shout then. If sound doesn't bother the zombies or makes little difference to their onslaught, then making aural contact with the other survivors wouldnt be out of the question.

So that's my suggestion. Shout!
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PostPosted: Thu May 12, 2011 1:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not bad, there are some mistakes but that's normal. However, one thing that jumped out at me was the word imparticular; it doesn't exist. It's actually supposed to be in particular.

As for suggestions, it's only been 24 hours since he has eaten so food isn't really a big deal. Water maybe, but not food. The military would probably be using the big guns, such as machine guns and artillery, so rifles and especially shotguns would not be on their list. I would suggest covertly checking out these gunmen. They already know that you exist, and also that you know that they exist, so might as well see who they are. If they look alright, a posse of zombie killers is always better than a lone gunman.
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PostPosted: Thu May 12, 2011 3:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

~waves at Bizzy~
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PostPosted: Thu May 12, 2011 8:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This time around, I'm gonna suggest we take to a roof to check this group out from afar. Watch for a time. They could be attracting a lot of zombies to them from their fighting gathering attention and we don't want to wander into the middle of it. Plus, not knowing who these newcomers are its hard to know for sure they won't be monsters of the living variety (y'know, humans freaking out aren't the nicest of creatures).

So this gives us a chance to evaluate better before committing to something... rash.

Oh, and LOVE the av btw! Nice pic!
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PostPosted: Thu May 12, 2011 11:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ditto Thunderbird. Caution is a priority. Nice start to your story, and welcome to the city.
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PostPosted: Fri May 13, 2011 11:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Zombie world and you and possibly a survivor or more. They could help you get food, either way your doomed doing it alone. Go to the survivors, help them grab something to kill zombies with anything, ammo is needed, but soon if he isn't there on time for the survivors their ammo will go empty leave him there or die a cruel fate.
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PostPosted: Fri May 13, 2011 9:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Zombie Apocalypse...LOVE it. yes...that was FABULOUS. captured my attention instantly and didnt let it go. i'm with Thunder here. let's stay back and observe first. we dont want to risk losing them by taking a food detour, but let's not rush in.
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PostPosted: Sat May 14, 2011 2:10 am    Post subject: I Think...... Reply with quote

Well, I guess I'll throw in my two bits here.

End of the world zombieness, always a crowd pleaser. Lets see your twist in how you make it yer own, ne? *Giggles* Major ass whoopin' needed here! But, for now, I'll put forward, FOOD! Go feed yerself man! Blow the other blokes, fer all we know, some zombies stepped on a gun or two, or the guns/ammo caught on fire. Who knows. Let's get some eats!

God first chappy, can't wait fer more! go Go GO!
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PostPosted: Sat May 14, 2011 8:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm having a hard time choosing between what I would do if I were the character, and what I would do to move the story along.

Honestly, I think I would rather try and restock on supplies before trying to find survivors. It sounds like we haven't been in this section of town before. If the streets really are that empty, then it seems like the survivors have everything under control- or as much as you can in a zombie apocalypse. They'll (probably) still be there when I come back.

If the group of survivors are jerks, they'll demand that I have some sort of use before they let me join them- otherwise, I'm just deadweight. If I don't have ammo or food, they might try and put me into an Omega Runt position in the pack. But if I have ammo and supplies, I can at least assert myself into a semi-high placement in whatever society they have.

And if I'm jumping the gun here, and it's just one person... well, then they'll be happier to see a well-stocked guy than a starving guy drenched in blood.
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PostPosted: Sat May 14, 2011 9:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alright folks...the poll is now up and running...I will leave it running until either Wednesday or Thursday...because I'm ready to keep going so...yeah...get your votes in while you can
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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2011 7:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice poll results so far Wink 7 votes on a first chapter? Not bad Bizzy! Not bad at all.
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PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 10:22 pm    Post subject: Chapter 2: The Slaughter Sisters Reply with quote

I started down an alley in the direction of the shots but stopped halfway down it. I could simply approach them but that was a mistake. I didn't know whether or not they would be quite tolerating of strangers. I took another couple of steps into the alley and looked around for some possible ways that I could sneak up on them and watch them covertly. Glancing up, I noticed a fire escape attached to a nearby building. For a couple minutes, I stood and stared at it. It zigzagged back and forth up the wall and appeared to make it all the way to the roof. A mental light bulb turned on and I quickly moved from the alley and around the building to its entrance.

The front door sat ajar with help from what was once a young woman. Or rather what I'm sure was once a young woman. I pushed the door open and started to move past it when a sudden realization came to mind. You couldn't be too safe. I turned around and knelt down a bit. I set down my gun and pulled the corpse up slightly. Carefully, I moved it so it was in an opportune position before wrapping my arm around its throat and snapping its neck quickly.

“Rest in piece, ma'am. Or sir,” I said as I rose from the ground grabbing my gun as I stood. The building I was in an apartment building that at one point in time had probably been well maintained. Now, it was no surprise that it was in a state of advanced disarray. Deciding to speed up my pace, I jogged up the stairs until I was on the proper floor. I hustled down the hallway and to the window that sat at the far end. Once I reached it, I stopped and looked around. It was already open. Cautiously I looked around me before I crawled through the window and onto the fire escape. Keeping my eyes and ears open, I carefully climbed up the fire escape. My opinion from the ground was right. The fire escape ended up at the edge of the roof.

Up on the roof, I ducked down and snuck to the edge. I peered down over the edge and watched as a young woman worked on an old black van that had some red lettering on the side that I couldn't decipher. Surveying the scene I could make out what appeared to be a hunting rifle.

“So there's Miss Rifle,” I said. “But where is the shotgun?”

“Behind you smart guy,” a female voice said behind me. “Drop your gun and turn around slow.”

I sat my gun down and stood up with my hands above my head. Slowly, I turned around and was greeted by the view of a young woman holding a double barrel shotgun to my head. My eyes moved up and down, studying her carefully She had long crimson hair that was pulled up into a messy ponytail. She was dressed in a pair of black leather pants, and a black zipped up leather jacket that was covered in various patches. She had on a pair of combat boots that appeared to be quite caked with blood and mud.

“So, beautiful, how'd you manage to sneak up on me?” I asked her as she moved around me and picked up the gun.

She gave me a shove with the gun and pointed. “Roof Access, dumbass,” she said. “Now walk.”

I gave a nod and obeyed. The girl led me downstairs and through the alley to a small intersection of alleys where the black van sat with “Kobra and Krew” written across the side in blood red letters.

“Look, what I found, Kobra” the redhead said. Her comrade moved from in front of the van and looked me over. She was fairly young, though appeared to be a bit older than her friend with the twelve gauge. She had a black crew cut and was dressed exactly the same as Miss Buckshot. She looked me dead in the eyes and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“What's your name, stranger?” she asked.

“Leon. Leon Silver,” I stated.

“I found this douchenozzle on the roof spying on you,” the redhead said.

“Oh really?”

“Nothing personal,” I added “I heard the shots and was trying to gather some surveillance on you before I approached you. Your the first survivors that I've seen in a good five days or so.”

Kobra nodded and arched an eyebrow. “What do you think we should do with him, Ana?” she asked.

I looked over my shoulder at Ana who simply shrugged. Kobra motioned for her to come near. Ana obeyed and started toward her, turning to give me a threatening look as she moved. Together they moved closer to the front end of the vehicle and started whispering amongst themselves. Every so often as they spoke, they glanced over at me. I chuckled lightly as the sight reminded me of a couple of high school girls. A slight tingle of fear crept down my spine as they spoke. The wheels in my mind suddenly came to life. They could very well be plotting to get rid of me. I probably would have thought the same thing if I were in there shoes, but considering I was the subject of the talk, I was rather worried. My eyes looked around studying my surroundings. I could of course run. After all, I'm sure that I could quickly be out of the alley and down the block before they get a shot off or even into the van, which still appeared to be out of commission.

Then again, there was the rifle that was leaning up against the side of the van. I could try to get and even the playing field. Or I could simply wait. There was no telling what they were truly talking about. I swallowed an looked around once more, wondering just exactly what to do.

***********

Ok...what does he do now? Try to run? Grab the gun and use it to try and escape? Maybe he forces a partnership? Does he wait to see what their plans are? Or should he simply just step forward and propose a partnership? Any other ideas I haven't mentioned?
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PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 10:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

again...i love it!!!

does he know anything about vehicles? perhaps he could step up and start looking at the van, suggesting how to fix it? this would show that he was useful. these women obviously dont need protection, so finding an alternate means of getting in with them would be good. they're talented in this area, so i think we'd want them on our side.
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PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 10:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Every so often as they spoke, they glanced over at me. I chuckled lightly as the sight reminded me of a couple of high school girls. But then a slight tingle of fear crept down my spine.


Fixing an awkward sentence here: doesn't make much sense that he'd be chuckling and at the same time scared, so you gotta make sure you use a conjunction to clarify the transition. "But then" should do the trick. Also, get rid of the 2nd "as they spoke", since it is redundant.

DP: Step up and make a proposal. Somehow, he has to prove he's useful to them. Tell them he has supplies at a hidden location that only he can take them to, or something of that nature. He seems to be a cocky fellow, so I am sure he can pull off the theatrics.
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PostPosted: Wed May 18, 2011 8:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, since this IS a zombie survival story, for the sake of interesting character development, I would say try and join them, or better yet get them to join you.

Also, on a more in character level, you need help. Even the most talented zombie-killer has to sleep sometime.

Plus, you know... chicks. If the zombie apocalypse decimates the human race, someone's going to have to repopulate the world. Razz

On a more general notel, the setting you have is not exactly rare, but I like your particular personal slant on many parts. (The fact that she called him a douchenozzle almost made me laugh out loud.) And I enjoy the main character's habit of talking aloud to himself, a trait that some might consider a minus when trying to survive in a zombie-filled city.
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PostPosted: Wed May 18, 2011 10:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yep, douchenozzle was a great new word to add to my dictionary of dark vocabulary. To think... I'd never considered the term before. Well done!

As to the rest of the chapter, overall, nicely delivered. You've snuck in an interesting note that Zombies may be dispatched by breaking their necks. You gave us setting in the fact that the dead held open the door for him. You gave us surprise and intrigue in the way these girls outwitted him as a hunter. This sets the tone for who they are (something to which I'm privy to deeper insight having read the farther developed version of this tale.)

But to stay in character, I would think he'd really need to try to take a lead role in this. He wouldn't run from them, or openly betray any potential trust that could be earned yet. But he wouldn't want to take a backseat to their estrogenocracy here either. His biggest fear in taking on companions would certainly be the potential they may bear for making mistakes that could kill them all. That fear would drive him to attempt to work his way into a commanding position. And it would start here by being assertive.

"This is what we need to do..." etc. "If we're going to survive then we need to..." and so on. Ask them how they've gotten along so far and express how he's made it this long on his own - show how that ability makes his cunning superior.

(I know this is unlikely to work but when I think in the mind of a frightened, and perhaps suddenly aroused, guy in his twenties, this is what comes to mind.)
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PostPosted: Wed May 18, 2011 10:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nicely done!

The surprise of being caught out on the roof worked well.

The only niggle I could find was one that D-Lotus picked out already....

Quote:
I chuckled lightly as the sight reminded me of a couple of high school girls. A slight tingle of fear crept down my spine as they spoke. The wheels in my mind suddenly came to life. They could very well be plotting to get rid of me. I probably would have thought the same thing if I were in there shoes, but considering I was the subject of the talk, I was rather worried.
- You take four sentences here to describe it, and as a result you get one feeling after the other. Take the challenge to see whether you can deliver both simultaneously - in less than a dozen words.

A different suggestion maybe, but that's the good thing about collecting crits - the more ideas and opinions you get, the clearer you can see what needs tweaking.

For the DP. A second tough one here... These girls look tough. But - you and they - have one common enemy - the zombies.

The writing on the side of the van suggests that there may be more than just these two in 'the Krew' - but something about the whole set up suggests that they're amateurs. If the van is out of commission, why have they not abandoned it? It seems a stupid place to keep returning to - this part of town seems to be zombie central. I'm assuming the lettering was daubed onto the side of it within the last week - if so, what are they trying to prove? What do they want to gain? One part of me is saying stick around and see how real their threat is, and the other is saying run.

The worst fate imaginable would be for them to leave him incapacitated as an offering to the zombies - which could happen to him either way, them being armed and all.

Still... I'm going to say stick around, and learn more.

Good stuff!
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PostPosted: Wed May 18, 2011 11:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I too liked the surprise of being caught on the roof. I thought it a little odd though that it was Miss Buckshot that came.

Assuming she was covering Miss Rifle from the roof, and just happened to catch him... the short range weapon up top doesn't make sense.

Assuming they purposely went to try and catch him (which I think is what happened)... still, if they guessed wrong and he went up some other building, you'd still have Miss Buckshot stuck way up high, perhaps seeing a Zombie ambush closing in on Miss Rifle with no way to help.

Basically ... Miss Rifle could have captured him just as effectively, whilst maintaining a useful cover on her friend. Wink

Otherwise - despite not being particularly inspired by Zombie killing stories - I'm quite enjoying this.

Killing him would achieve nothing, except perhaps attracting some Zombies - if they hunt by smell. Their discussion is only them settling their fears. Stand your ground and look non-threatening.

Happy Writing Smile
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PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2011 9:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wicked. I can't say enough for a story of this kind. Wait... yes I can.
http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/breaking-news/us-offers-tips-on-zombie-apocalypse/story-e6freonf-1226059511746

This seems to do the trick. If we wonder if this is somehow unlikely...

I'm thinking - breed. Take the rifle and subdue this chick. How hard can it be? I'm not going to stand by and get led around by women when I may be the last man on earth. They will be my harem.
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PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2011 11:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now Polling...I'll leave the poll up til tuesday
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PostPosted: Sat May 21, 2011 11:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Looks like I broke a rather divided tie!
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PostPosted: Sun May 22, 2011 4:57 am    Post subject: I Think...... Reply with quote

Voted! And can I say how much fun I'm having? You inspired a character fer me! Which isn't all that easy to do, at least fer people. I get most of my characters from things...Anyway, she just popped up in the Grargoth RP if'n ya wanna check her out!

Keep the dead'uns comin'!
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PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2011 2:11 pm    Post subject: Chapter 3 - Vehicle Maintenence Reply with quote

"Excuse me, ladies," I piped up after a couple of minutes. "I've got an idea that may work out to the both of our interests."

The two girls looked at me. Kobra arched an eyebrow and moved toward me a bit. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and stared at me. My gaze met hers and I was careful not to break it. AFter a fairly uncomfortable stare, she gestured for me to continue. I nodded at her and took a couple steps forward as Ana gripped the barrel of the twelve gauge in her hands.

"You appear to be in need of some automative assistance. I know a thing or two about vehicles myself and would be more than willing to assist you if in turn you would be willing to assist me."

Ana let out a laugh and shook her head. "There's always a freaking catch, isn't there? Always a goddamn motherfucking catch."

"Ana," Kobra barked, giving a glance over her shoulder. Ana sighed and gave a nod. Kobra looked back to me and continued to stare directly into my eyes. Her eyes were like a couple muddy pools of disbelief and hatred. Two feelings which I cared nothing about. "What do you want in return?"

"I've been trying like hell this last week to get out of this infernal hell-hole but alas, I'm still here. Yet, I think I've found a way out of here and would like a nice scenic drive through the city. I would of course just go alone but you see, you're friend took my gun."

Kobra looked over to Ana who gave a nod and pulled out my handgun. Kobra gave a nod then looked to her van. She turned back to me, the hatred now even more concentrated. At the first sight of that pure and concentrated loathing hidden in her gaze I knew what her response was.

"Deal," she said. A split second of a grimace washed over her face as if the words were actually physically painful. I smiled wide at her and gave a nod. With a slight strut, I moved to the front of her van and looked inside. The van had clearly been through quite an ordeal, its engine showed the wear and tear of at least a years worth of use and abuse. I poked and prodded at everything, memories of sitting with my father in his garage flooding back to me as he lectured me for the thousandth time about the proper care of a vehicle.

I quickly shook the memories away, sighed and looked back at her. "Ok. Quick couple questions. One, just where did you get this hunk of junk and two, why the hell are you still here with it? I mean, in all honesty, the smartest choice would have been to just run."

"Hunk of junk? This van is a piece of art, ok? A fucking masterpiece," Kobra said, marching toward me. I stood up and stared her dead on, She looked quite furious but I continued to smile at her, showing her that I wasn't intimidated.

"It's shit," I replied. "You've got a torn belt and the radiator is empty. So you need water and something to use as the belt. Luckily, there is a food and drug nearby. We can go, loot it for things to jury-rig the vehicle and be on our way. By the way, you never explained why you didn't just hoof it when you broke down."

"We were waiting for Rat," Ana piped up. "She went to get us some supplies but hasn't come back yet. We thought this area was safe so we sent her out."

I gave a nod and looked to her. "Maybe she'll be here when we get back from looting."

Ana gave a nod and Kobra gestured to the alley exit. I walked along before stopping and turning toward Ana. "My gun," I said. She arched an eyebrow and I sighed. "I won't use it on you. If we run into any shufflers, i'm useless without it."

The girl gave a nodded and handed the handgun which I cautiously stuffed into the waistband of my pants. I walked out of the alley and started down toward the drug store. I heard the footsteps of the two behind me. They were following my closely. One of them almost right on my heels. The next couple blocks were uneventful save for a couple of shufflers that were dropped by the two females accompanying me. The door to Joseph's Food and Drug was already pushed open. Taking a step in, a small sound caught my ears.

"Not alone," I stated. I pulled out my gun and started down the aisles. The others separated from me and proceeded down a couple themselves. Halfway down an aisle, I heard something else. I stopped dead in my tracks and looked to the side. Carefully I moved close to the shelves to listen. The was a loud clatter and is sounded as if someone was climbing up the other side. Sure enough, there was a loud screech and the sound of someone landing behind me. I spun quickly and was met by a young woman holding a bloody scalpel. She pressed the sharp steel to my throat and stared into my eyes. She had bright green eyes and long blonde hair that hung all the way down to her waist. She was dressed in the same leather gear as the others, so I assumed that this had to be the Rat that they mentioned.

"D...D...Don't move, sleazoid," she said. "If you m...m...move, I will cut you. Got your j...j...Juglular. Y...you'll be dead between one and t...t...two minutes."

"Sleazoid?" I asked. "That's quite rude, we've only just met. Besides, Rat, you're friends are with me."

"H...h...h...how do you know m...m...my n...name?" she stuttered as fury flooded her eyes. Glancing deep into them, I could tell that she thought of using her blade.

"Easy now, girlie, I know it because as I said, Ana and Kobra are here with me."

"He's right," Ana said as she walked up behind me.

"Yes. Unfortunately, we need him alive if we're going to get moving."

Rat sighed and lowered the scalpel from my throat, which prompted me to stash the weapon back in my waistband. "What about Scarlet? Viper? Boa?" she asked.

"Dead," Kobra said coldly. "Got caught in a nearby building after you left. There was nothing we could do."

Rat nodded and closed her eyes. A small tear fell from her eye and she gave a nod. Ana moved from around me and wrapped her arms around her comrade, comforting her over the loss of her friends. Kobra walked around them and looked me in the eye.

"What do we need?" she asked.

"Pantyhose," I replied. "It'll make a good belt replacement. It'll at least make it to the other side of town. Get some food, too. I'm sure we could all use a good meal."

"You get the hose," Kobra said. "We'll work on food. C'mon, you two. Time to move. You have plenty of time to weep about it later."

I watched as she turned to go into another aisle. I gave the girls a small nod and left myself to find what I needed. "Cold-hearted bitch," I murmured as I searched for the pantyhose. She was right, of course? This was not the time to be crying. There was no real point in it anyway. Not to me, anyway. With the current state of the city, death was inevitable. The real test was seeing how long you could keep death at baby before finally falling. With each passing day, the light at the end of the tunnel was growing even dimmer.

I found the pantyhose and grabbed it. I quickly marched to the door and waited until I saw Rat, Ana and Kobra arrive with bags of food. I turned on my heel and without a word, waled from the store and back up the street to the van. I immediately set to work fixing the engine with the makeshift belt. Once everything was finished, I closed the hood and looked to the others.

"Everyone ready to go?" I asked. Kobra nodded and moved to the driver's seat.

"You sure this will work?" Ana asked as she slid open the side door.

"Yeah. I'm a master of improvisation," I replied. She gave me a nod and crawled into the back, quickly followed by Rat. I got in behind them. The back was mostly empty, save for a few weapons strapped to the walls. There was no type of carpet or flooring to the back of it. It was nothing but cold, steel. There was a small wall between the back and the driver's area of the van, giving the distinct impression it had been used for some sort of hard-working occupation. It wasn't my preferred type of transportation nor was it even close but I already made a deal and was quite behind on my city escape plan as it was so I didn't have much of a choice.

I slid the door shut and Kobra started up the vehicle. I heard her sigh before feeling the man get moving. The travel was a bit rough but we were still making good time. We traveled, in silence, as none of us had anything of particular interest to say. Especially since it was clear that none of the trio really trusted me. After several long minutes, a loud gunshot echoed from outside.

"What you see, Kobra?" Ana asked.

"Nothing, yet. Wait, I think I see some..." Kobra was interrupted by a quick succession of three shots, each followed by the sound of shots coming through the windshield. Two of the shots slammed against the partition but the third was followed by the sound of a grunt from the front. The van immediately swerved to the side. I felt the vehicle turn a bit before I realized that we were in trouble. The vehicle tipped onto its side and started to roll, tossing the three of us around like clothes in a dryer. After a couple rolls, I was thrown hard into the side where I was quickly greeted by the darkness of unconsciousness.

Sometime later, I opened my eyes, pushed myself to all fours and looked around. Several weapons had been knocked from the sides and it appeared as if the van was on its roof. The back of the van was open and I could hear gunfire outside. Laying right next to the open back door of the van, I saw the knocked out form of Rat. I groaned and clutched my ribs with one arm and started toward the back.

***********

What next? Should he grab a gun and join in the hell outside? Check first? Should he make sure that Rat's alright first? Get out and run for cover? Something I didn't mention?
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PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2011 3:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I say earn yourself some brownie points and check on Rat first. Then, head outside to join the fray (making sure to close the door behind you, of course, don't want the random zombie walking in)

Because honestly, i would not want to be stuck in a van surrounded by zombies. Better to get out there as soon as possible, when there are other people alive outside. If there are too many zombies around, you can always just hoof it.
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PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2011 4:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i agree...iiiiima say check on Rat. Wink

loved this!! adding the sensitive one is a nice touch. =)
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PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2011 9:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Start stocking up on weaponry immediately - grab a satchel and stuff it full. Rat's either dead or alive but right now, our survival is more important to making sure if she is alive, she stays that way.

Listen for activity as you do and then drag Rat outside without wasting time with a lifesigns check... we don't know if/how much we're in danger here.

couple niggles on an otherwise great new chapter:
Quote:
The girl gave a nodded and handed the handgun (repetitious 'hand' - not critical but could be slightly improved with new wording) which I cautiously stuffed into the waistband of my pants. I walked out of the alley and started down toward the drug store. I heard the footsteps of the two behind me. They were following my (my what? or was that supposed to be 'me'?) closely.


Looks like some of these were caused by some later editing that overlooked the ramifications of the adjustments. I'm sure we've all done that numerous times.

You did well maintaining the essence of the setting here. The banter with Kobra was some great dialogue too.
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PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2011 11:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The dialogue's pretty good, and the description of the people being knocked about the rolling van like clothes in a dryer stuck with me. It's all about creating clear impressions like that.

Oh btw, your title is spelled wrong. It should be "Vehicle Maintenance".

The DP: I seriously doubt that the zombies have guns and are shooting at us. I bet it's some people who have an issue with these girls. We owe no allegiance to these girls, and we'd be compromising our own position by helping them. Better to wait it out and find out who's shooting, and whether we can offer our services to them in exchange for our life. Mercenary all the way!
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PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2011 9:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dani has it right - highly unlikely to be the zombies. 'Shufflers' don't strike me as the gun-wielding type.

Good chapter, it's moving ahead a pace. I agree, the banter was well done. The ladies do seem rather oddly hostile, alone amidst a load of zombies you'd think any thinking-body would be welcome. There's something they're not telling, and it seems, as Dani suspects, it's to do with those shooting us.

Grab a gun, conceal it, get out, and find cover.

Happy Writing Smile
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PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2011 9:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The gunfire might, however, be the girls repelling shamblers. Scrambling out of the van with a bag full of weapons while the girls are repelling an attack might be taken badly by people who already are suspicious of him. And have guns.
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PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2011 9:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, but the van overturned after a gunshots from outside. It seems very much that one of the three shots that entered the van got Kobra, as we heard a grunt from the front and then the van swerved and overturned.

We don't know how long we've been unconscious for. There's no time to check on Rat or Kobra. Just get out there with a couple of weapons and be ready.

If Ana isn't dead she'll be out there somewhere, defending herself against shufflers. We made a deal with her, so we should be loyal to her for now.
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PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2011 9:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

O.o Woah I need to stop reading so fast. Missed that part completely. Okay, things are rather more urgent than I thought. Skip checking on Rat and try and find out what's happening, preferably without getting shot (after getting some weapons, of course)
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PostPosted: Fri May 27, 2011 1:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now polling...gonna leave it up until Tuesday...trying to get a bit done before my disappearance in June...so Vote! Vote! Vote!
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PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 10:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Uhmmm... where's the poll? I'm sure I voted in it... Confused
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PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 11:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The poll is gone...i said i would leave it up until today...the new chapter shall be up sometime later this evening and yes...you voted in it
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PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 11:01 pm    Post subject: Chapter 4 - The Arrival of Silver Senior Reply with quote

On my way out of the van I stopped and looked around. Outside the van, I could hear the sound of automatic rifles firing in the direction of the van. Stepping outside the van could end up being quite dangerous. Glancing back around the van, I decided that it would probably be in my best interest to stock up on weaponry. I turned and moved back into the van and looked around. I found a small satchel still clinging to the wall and grabbed it. Glancing inside I noticed a couple boxes of ammo still tucked inside. I smiled at the find and proceeded to load it full of handguns. I grabbed a couple of .45 revolvers, four nine millimeters and a snub nosed .38 revolver that was laying a couple inches away from Rat. Once I had my bag of goodies, I moved toward Rat. A quick succession of shots from right outside the van brought my attention to the exit.

"Damn," I sighed, glancing back toward the unconscious girl. "Can't leave you lying in here now, can I?"

Carefully, I grabbed Rat by the arms and dragged her out the back of the van. Outside the van, I propped her against one of the open doors and looked around. On the opposite side of the van, Ana was crouched down against the other door, an Uzi held firmly in one hand and a .45 in the other.

“It's about damn time you woke up,” Ana shouted before leaning off to the side and letting off a couple of magnum rounds at our attackers.

“Yeah. Look, we need to get Rat to safety,” I replied.

“There's a church nearby,” she said. "Just a yard or so up. We should be able to make it. I would have gone for it earlier but these assholes moved up quick. I wouldn't have been able to get you guys there alone."

"Well, I'm up now. Let's move.”

“What about Kobra?”

“Can't help her. She's finished. We gotta move. Keep them busy while I get a headstart and then follow," I told her as I knelt down. I put on the satchel and scooped Rat into my arms. It wasn't exactly easy as my arms felt as solid as jelly and my shoulders felt as if they were nothing but giant bruises. I let out a loud groan and looked at Ana who nodded and set down her .45. She reloaded the Uzi with a clip from her pocket. She gave me another nod before rising and leaning off to the side, letting out a good stream of shots. As she fired at the unseen gunmen, I hurried around the side and up the street.

The church wasn't hard to notice due to its size. I rushed toward it. I glance in the direction of the shooters but couldn't see much. All I could make out was there seemed to be about four or five of them all taking cover behind a row of motorbikes. All except for one individual who stood off away from them. He was too far away for me to see but something about the way he stood reminded me of someone. I shook the thought away and concentrated on the church. The front doors to the holy structure were wide open so I charged in and quickly laid Rat down in one of the pews. Gazing toward the doors, I saw Ana hauling ass toward them.

“Shit, shit, shit,” she said as the attacks stood and started to fire at the building. I dashed at the doors as she jumped inside and slammed them. Ana thought fast and rose from the ground. She moved to one of the pews and started sliding it across the ground. I helped her out out and together we managed to shove it up against the door. After I was certain that we were safe, I collapsed to the ground and sighed. After a couple minutes I leaned back against the pew and looked up at Ana.

“Too fucking close,” I said. “I wonder what the fuck those guys problem was? You take a piss in their cheerios or something?” I asked.

Ana sighed and sat down in the pew. “No. Met them a couple days ago while we were doing some looting. Bunch of bikers. Their leader tried to get us to, as he put it, procreate with them. He was a total sleazoid. Asked me if I wanted to see his dragon. We refused and took their shit. So now, they've been dogging us and trying to take us out.”

“Bikers, eh?” Suddenly a thought erupted in my mind like a mental Mount Vesuvius . I shot off the ground and stared at Ana. “This leader. Was he a big guy? Bald head?”

“Um, yeah. I think the others called him Senior,” she answered, giving me a nod.

“Fuck,” I said. “Fuck. Fuck,” I shouted, kicking the leg of the pew. I tore the satchel from my shoulders and threw it across the room. “Goddamn it. He should have been fucking trapped. He should be dead. Not walking around. Jesus Christ.”

“Woah, dude. What's your problem?”

“I know that little cocksucker out there,” I told her. I moved quickly to the back of weapons and pulled out the two revolvers that I had grabbed. I checked their ammo and started toward the door. “I'll settle this.”

“You can't go out there,” Ana said standing up. Watching as I started to slide the pew away from the door. “They'll waste you.”

“No they won't,” I said as I managed to get the pew away from the door enough for it to open. “Trust me.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Trust me,” I told her before opening the door and stepping out. “Check the church for shufflers and make sure Rat is ok. I'll be back.”

I strolled down the churches lawn toward the group of bikers, keeping the guns beside me as I moved. Their leader stood in front of them now, in perfect view. I eyed him and sure enough I knew exactly who it was. He was quite large and was dressed in a leather vest and a pair of jeans that were covered by a pair of riding chaps. A large tattoo sat on his forearm of a snake fighting with a dragon.

“It's been a long time, Junior,” he said. I stopped a few feet from him and glared at him.

“Yeah, dad. It has been a while. How was prison?”

“You know. The food sucked and the guards were pricks. Other than that, it was a regular vacation,” he said crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.”

“Yeah, I'm sure you are, you cheeky little motherfucker. How have you been since you put that knife in my back, anyway? How's your sister?”

“Fuck you,” I shouted. “Just shut the fuck up, get on your bike and ride away. These girls are under my protection now. You come near them again and I will end you, old man.”

The biker laughed and ran a hand over his bald scalp. “Taking up strays again, boy? How well did that work for you last time?”

“Fuck off, pops. Now just go,” I told him angrily as I brought the .45s up, aiming them at his skull. I heard a rustle of motion a bit in the distance as his men readied their weapons. “Go.”

He let out another burst of evil laughter and wiped tears away from his spinach green eyes. “Alright, boy. I'll let you and your pets go for now. For old times sake. Though you best abandon them now because next time I see them, they are done. And I will not hesitate to kill you if you get in our way.”

“We'll see, pops. We will see.”

Senior chuckled and walked back to the others. He hopped on a bike and made a motion for them to do the same. They obeyed, put their weapons away and gave a look back at me before following my father as he rode off. I stood there for a moment, just staring down the street and listening to the air as the sound of their engines flooded the air. Once the sound was gone, I walked back to the church and pounded on the door.

“Open up,” I said. The sound of the pew being moved came from inside for a minute before the door opened. I stepped in and looked over at Rat who was now sitting up and clutching her skull. “We need to move and fast.”

“Wait,” Ana said. “Why? What's going on? I heard the bikes. Aren't they gone?”

“Yeah but not for long. I know Senior and he'll be back. He's dead-set on wiping you away and I'm going to make sure that that doesn't happen.”

“W...w...why?” Rat asked.

“Because he's my father and a cold-hearted monster at that. If he wants something, I feel it my personal responsibility to make sure he doesn't get it.”

They both looked at me for a moment. After an uncomfortable silence, I looked to Ana who was now studying me carefully. A moment later she nodded.

“Ok. Where to?”

“Well, there has to be a pawn shop or something nearby so we can stock up on goods,” I said.

“The v...v...van,” Rat said. “Is it g...g...”

“Yeah,” Ana said. “Totaled. We could try to find another vehicle. It would make traversing the city a hell of a lot easier. Make outrunning them a whole lot easier.”

“R...r...rest. It's s...safe here. Just for a b...b...bit,” Rat coughed up. Ana looked to here and then to me and nodded.

“She's right. After that wreck, we could rest while it's safe. There aren't any shufflers here.”

I nodded and looked around. They were right. It did appear as if we were safe, though I couldn't help but notice the fact that the church was empty. With this tragedy, one would expect the churches to be flooded with them. Ana had brought up a good point as well. A vehicle would come in mighty handy in case the bastard supreme returned. I closed my eyes and sighed as I clutched the bridge of my nose with my index finger and thumb, trying to think of what to do.

***********

Well. What should our brave hero and his companions do? Head to the pawn shop and stock up? Try to find a new vehicle? Stay and rest? Check more thoroughly for shufflers? Something I didn't mention?
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PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 11:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOVE this! again! i'd say rest for a little while. Wink it's not often we'll get such an opportunity. then secure a vehicle.
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 12:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Secure a vehicle first.

Piss in their cheerios Laughing
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 7:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Some improved plot weaving in this version that stems from the last methinks Wink I like how Father was introduced earlier this time - makes him more central. It also makes me feel you've got some other ideas up your sleeve for later that you passed up this time - this is such fun!

BTW, that was some of the best edited work I've seen from you yet Biz! Really stepping up to the plate on that accord here. And with this chapter, you're seriously showing such growth as an author and knocking the scene work out of the park.

Was a little sad that we'd be seeing less of Kobra this time - got a clear vision of her last time through and liked that character - perhaps we'll see her again though - although I dread to think of what she'll be then Wink

Ok, so, for the DP, I'm thinking we should search this place thoroughly if we're to use it for a r&r spot for the night - which does seem to be a priority since we have a nice supply of weaponry this time around. Ah, hindsight does tend to lead to better decision making, doesn't it? Laughing
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 11:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rest? Safe? Here? I doubt it. Bad idea. I suggest they seek transportation, but not a car, or a van, or anything large and heavy. Find light and maneuverable. Find motorcycles. The problem THEN becomes fuel. Find fuel cans and siphon off whatever vehicles can be reached - this is where things are dangerous because we are on foot in the open and potentially attracting attention from shufflers from the motion or even the rumble of engines as we make our way around to fill our gas cans. But we must do it, and with some speed and stealth. If we must, we may need to raid an auto store or something to find a tube for the process - one for each of us would be the best option.

I have a question. If we seek escape from Eternia, where do we hope to go? Perhaps a discussion on long term planning may be in order right now.
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 05, 2011 8:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now Polling...I'll leave it up 1:00 am Tuesday...so I can add one more chapter before I vanish for a bit.
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 09, 2011 1:17 am    Post subject: I Think..... Reply with quote

Argh....It ate my post....Let's try this again!

Me likes me likes!

There were definaetly less spelling issues with this one, big plus! I wanted to kick the girls at first, but now I get their way of thinking. I like the dad encounter, but I feel a little more internal stuffs could have helpped a bit. I know action and voice express a lot, but I feel that our "hero" is a lot deeper than he lets on.

I missed voting, which is good in some respects I suppose. I would have sent you all off into the abyss! Keep the chappys comin'!
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 09, 2011 2:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I looked up at the two girls and flashed a smile at them. My eyes drifted to Rat who was rising from her pew and starting toward me. As I opened my mouth to say something, I heard a clatter come from somewhere in the distance of the church. i looked to Ana who quickly rushed off to grab the bag of guns I had thrown. Once she head it clutched in her hand, I pushed the door open and motioned for the girls to leave. both rushed out and I followed close behind.

"Alright, let's go vehicle shopping," I said. "Clearly the church isn't as safe as we thought. But I do know a place we can rest for a bit, though a vehicle would be quite helpful in getting there."

"Alright, where do we look though? I mean theres a good deal in and around the streets but most of them are totaled," she said.

A devilish smile crossed my lips and started down the street. I stopped and turned and looked back toward the van. For a moment, I just looked at it. Something seemed wrong about leaving Kobra there. Just walking away without making sure that she was gone. But deep down, i knew there was nothing any of us could do so I looked forward and started walking.

In silence the three of us strolled with me in the lead. After a couple of blocks I looked around to get my bearings. Once I was sure of where I was, i turned and strolled down another street, taking a shuffler out as I went. I dropped another couple of them and stopped as I approached an old vehicle repair shop. Next door to it as a large garage used to store the overflow of vehicles. I closed my eyes and thought back once more to my childhood. Of my father driving me through town and pointing out important locations. My eyes opened as I looked at the building and nodded.

"Pops keeps extra bikes in here," I said as I moved to the side door of the garage. I tried it but found it locked. "And only he would lock a door to vital supplies during the end of the world. Fucking asshole," I let out a shout and kicked the door. Unfortunately, there was no action movie luck on my side and instead of opening, I merely felt a sharp pain go through my leg.

"Allow me," Ana said, stepping forward. She knelt down and pulled a bobby pin from her boot and started to pick the lock. After a couple minutes, I watched as she stood up and pushed the door open with a smirk on her face. I smirked back at her and stepped into the building. In the middle of the warehouse where ten pristine motorcycles.

"H...h...holy m...moly," Rat said as she looked at the bikes. "These will d...d...do nicely," she said as she looked over to me.

"Hells yeah they will. These bikes are fucking priceless," Ana said. as she jogged over to one. She strapped the satchel across her back and got on one. "ho yeah, these babies are nice."

"And all are ready for travel. My dad and his crew would make sure that they were ready to drive out of here within seconds of needing them," I said as I walked up to a wall and flipped a switch. Looking toward the front and watched in pleasant surprise as the door lowered. "And of course. Must have a backup generator connected to it."

"I c...c...can't ride one. D...d...don't know how," Rat said. I looked to her before letting out a sigh.

"Alright, you ride with me," I said. I moved to a bike and jumped onto it, tucking the gun into the small of my back before motioning to Rat. Rat slid onto it behind me and wrapped her arms tight around me. Giving a look to Ana, I kicked the bike to life and then proceeded to drive out of the garage, with Ana riding beside me. Side by side we rode through the streets of Eternia, careful to avoid all the shufflers that roamed the streets. After a good time later, I started to fully recognize where I was.

My eyes moved around and studied the chaos and the carnage that used to be my district of the city. Even though everything about it was destroyed, I couldn't really say that it looked much worse than it did when I was growing up. I pulled the bike over in front of the local police station. Ana slowed up and stopped a few feet in front of me. I looked around again but something started to feel off. I looked to my hand and noticed a small tremble forming in my fingertips.

"Shit," I mumbled. "Not now. Not fucking now. Not again," I mumbled to myself as I got off the bike. "Look, there's something I got to take care of in here."

"L...l...like what?" Rat asked.

"Just need to look up someone's address. Need their police file to do it," I lied. "It may be a way out of here. A guy who may know a guy who may be able to get in contact with a pilot type of deal." The truth was, I did know someone but was already on my way to meet them. What I needed here was something from an evidence box. The craving which I knew I should refuse.

The girls looked to each other and nodded before getting off their bikes. With a self-satisfied smirk, I walked into the building.

The first step I took inside nearly caused me to vomit. The smell of decay and burnt meat, hair and flesh was heavy and thick. It clung to the air and seemed to be coming off of every wall. Behind me, I heard one of the girls vomit followed by the sound of one bolting out the door to do the same. The path in front of me was littered with corpses. I studied all of them carefully as I moved past them. Half of them appeared to have been burned greatly while the other half all seemed to be in poses that that they had killed themselves.

"T...th...this is h...hor...hor...horrible," Rat stammered as she followed behind me. I heard the front door open and turned to see Ana returning. She moved up to us and stared around at the rotten carnage we were seeing.

"Yeah. Let's split up. Ana, check out the armory see if there's anything we can use. Rat, take the security office. See if there are any clues as to what the fuck happened here. I'm going to look in the evidence locker and personnel files," I explained.

"Good idea," Ana said. Rat opened her mouth to speak but closed it quickly when she couldn't say anything and just nodded. Ana dug out a gun for her and handed it over and I quickly pulled out mine. We all looked at each other for a moment before heading off to our respective locations.

I walked to the evidence storage and looked around cautiously. The evidence clerk was dead a few feet in from the doorway, a file clutched in its hand. I knelt down and examined the file for a moment. There was something odd about it.

The usual police code was absent. All the average markings that a file in a police station would have was absent. Instead there was a large picture on the front of it. The insignia was in the design of two young boys sitting on each end of a mysterious hooded figure who was clearly an adult. The child on the left had his hands over his ears, the child on the right had his hands over his eyes and the hooded figure had his hand over his mouth.

Slowly I rose, the picture starting to creep me out some and quickly moved further into the room. i moved from aisle to aisle until I found what I need. A large cardboard box. Under the case number was the name E. Silver. I put my gun away and grabbed the box and pulled it from the shelf.

With frenzied hands I dug through the items in the box. Inside it there was a set of keys, a set of bloodied and tattered clothing, some makeup items, a bottle of pills and a picture. I grabbed the pills and the picture and removed them. I stared at the picture for a moment and a teared sprung to my eye almost instantly.

The picture was of a young girl who appeared to in her early teens. She had raven black hair that was braided into pigtails. She was wearing a white silk dress that came down to her knees and a pair of crimson high heels. Next to her was a young man who was about three years older. A young man with a head of slicked back black hair who was dressed in a pair of jeans and a leather vest. A younger me.

I looked from my emotionless smile to her bright and beaming one and let out a sigh. "I'm so sorry, Lizzie. I'm so sorry. At least you aren't here to see this," I said. Several more tears rolled from my eyes but I quickly wiped them away as I stood and slipped the picture into my back pocket. I took a look to the bottle of painkillers and looked away from them. I couldn't do this. Not now. I had to fight the urge and keep a clear head. I had managed this long without them so what was another few hours. Turning on my heel I started toward the door but stopped. I am in pain, I thought. Without a second thought, I ran back and grabbed them. Cautiously I slid them into my pocket before heading out. As I left the evidence Locker, I cast another look to the creepy folder in the charred cop's grasp.

"G...g...guys," I heard Rat shout. "G...got someth...something." I took off at a jog and moved through the foul corridors until I found myself and the central hub of security for the whole building. Nearing the door, I noticed a restroom and an urge came over me to run in and quickly down a couple of pills. An urge that was fought as viciously by another part of me wanting to dispose of them.

"What is it?" I asked.

"M...m...mon..." she stuttered before becoming frustrated at the first thing that struck me was that it was the only one on. In stunned silence I stared at it, never blinking until I heard Ana's steps behind me. She moved up beside me and I heard her gasp.

"Holy shit," she said. I nodded in agreement and together we just stared. It showed a strange individual wearing a pair of jeans and a straightjacket. He was pacing around a room which didn't appear to be a normal cell, constantly trying to remove the straightjacket he was in. After a minute of pacing he stopped and stared up at the camera. Carefully, I looked at him. After a minute of looking at him I noticed something quite disturbing. He had a large steel plate over his mouth that looked like it was screwed to his skull.

"This can't be good," Ana said. "He's in a straightjacket in a cop shop. We should just go now. Forget about him. He's probably a nut job of some sort."

"That may be but you are missing another important aspect about this guy," I said.

"What?"

"Look at his movements. The way he walks normally. The way he tries to remove the jacket. He's not a shuffler."

"That video could have been taken at anytime. How do you know its not a loop," Ana asked.

"Simple. The timestamp," I said pointing to the corner of the screen. "And also," I reached down with one hand and moved a small joystick which caused the image to pan over as well. "I can do that."

"Oh shit, then that means..."

"Yep. He's alive."

***********

Ok. What now? Try to find the stranger in the building? Leave him? And what about Leon's pills? Should he pop a couple to appease his urges and soothe his pain? Should he flush them? Save them for later? His future is in your hands?
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 09, 2011 8:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great chapter Bizzy! And well done on keeping a former reader of the former version still guessing!

I really like how you've depicted Rat. She stands out as a loveable character but not in the romantic sense and I think you've done well to eliminate her from that sort of consideration so another can take that spotlight. Nice.

Anyhow, the guy in holding. Personally, I'd just leave him alone and get the hell out of there. Alive or not, he's in a straight jacket and mouth plated for a reason and I wouldn't care to know why - we have enough problems on our hands without a psycho on our team.

BUT, for the sake of the story and my piqued interest, and possible out of some empathy for the guy - he may not be as bad as he was assumed to be and if left would surely die painfully of starvation/thirst - I'd have to say we should at least pay him a visit and 'feel out' his situation however we can (might take removing those bolts)

As for the pills, he's got to wean himself off of them so that he keeps his nerves in tact right now (and could be downright dangerous to his health NOT to.) So though he may feel ashamed of some lack of willpower, he needs to realize he's not likely going to be getting any refills any time soon so he should take only just enough to stay grounded and do all he can to stretch out his self-medicating doses longer and longer as he goes from here.
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 09, 2011 9:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Once I was sure of where I was, i turned and strolled down another street, taking a shuffler out as I went. I dropped another couple of them and stopped as I approached an old vehicle repair shop.


The way this is written makes it seem very casual. The shufflers don't appear to be menacing at all. That's what I'm lacking from this story-- a sense of danger generated by the zombies.

Quote:
"M...m...mon..." she stuttered before becoming frustrated at the first thing that struck me was that it was the only one on. In stunned silence I stared at it, never blinking until I heard Ana's steps behind me. She moved up beside me and I heard her gasp.


This is a bit unclear. Make sure you mention that the characters are viewing a monitor, otherwise the reader has to read on in puzzlement to figure out what it is.

The addiction to the painkillers and the emotional attachment to his old lover was an excellent touch.

I'd say that we can't simply leave this guy here to starve to death-- that would be inhumane. But since he's a stark raving lunatic, we should use the painkillers to drug him and carry him away safely.
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 09, 2011 2:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

can i just say...I LOVED THIS CHAPTER.

i'd say lets at least go meet this guy. he's in a cell...so we would still have the option to leave him if we go see him. i would also like to know what was in that case file.

ima go out on a limb here and say, what would happen Rat finds the pills and (being the medic of the group) offers to help him?

ima miss this while you're gone! lol
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 1:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I disagree with some of the above sentiments. We need this guy. It takes the insanely aggressive to survive this sort of environment. I think he could be a strong asset. Release him unconditionally.

I think I have a favorite author on IF. What better compliment can I give here?
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 6:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Finally got around to reading this, Bizzy (sorry for the delay) and I have to say, I can see why so many people like it! Smile


I have to say, I'm not really all that bothered about a lack of true menace from the zombies, as, though they're obviously a pretty big part of the storyline, I get the feeling that there is another underlying it. Am I right in thinking that the girl in the picture with him is the sister that his father mentioned? This line struck me, whilst reading...


Quote:
"I'm so sorry, Lizzie. I'm so sorry. At least you aren't here to see this,"


...Though I may be wrong, this would suggest to me that she died, or was possibly sent somewhere outside of Eternia, before all of this shit with the zombies. And from the obvious animosity between Leon and his father, and from this line in chapter 4...

Quote:
“Yeah, I'm sure you are, you cheeky little motherfucker. How have you been since you put that knife in my back, anyway? How's your sister?”


...One gets the feeling that the 'How's your sister?' part, is said in some kind of crude sarcasm, like it's obvious that she's not likey to be alright. Whatever happened to her, I get the feeling that their father was somehow involved, and that it might have been the reason he was sent to prison. I've got my own views on what that involvement might consist of, but I'll keep shtum for now. Wink

I also like the mention of the 'hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil' design of the emblem on the clipboard. Sounds rather creepy. And it is things like that, and this underlying story with Leon and his family, that is adding a slight tension into the tale. For me anyway.


Anyways, DP... I think they should just go to wherever the guy is being held, and see if they can talk to him. I don't think they should actually leave him there without at least trying to find out something about him. But neither should they just rush in there to let the guy out. Although, I do wonder what kind of contraption this 'steel plate' is that he has over his mouth. Is it something that prevents him from talking, or a more Hannibal Lecter-esque type thing, to stop him from biting (eating, if he's a cannibal) people. Surely though, screwing something like that to a person head isn't proper practice to any professional in the law or otherwise, so I have to also wonder, who put the device on him. Could he possibly not be what he seems upon first reading. One automatically assumes he's going to be a super-violent criminal, but could he be the exact opposite? Maybe someone who knows something a little more sinister about this zombie situation maybe?

Either way, don't just rush off. Find out more about him, before resolving to just abandon him.


Fabulous Biz! I look forward to more! Smile

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 4:57 am    Post subject: I Think....... Reply with quote

*Bows* Sorry it took so long to get to this. I hate RL some times... I really like this chappy. Very spooky!

I must say, I'm having a lil issue with the mood swing the girls seem to have taken. First it, don't trust anybody, now, they seem to have become the helpless maids most girls end up as in the horror genre. Need some fire back into their tudes! They souldn't be swallowing his crap so quickly.

I like the bike storage idea. Shows his dad may be a monster, but a smart monster. Love the line about his dad being the only guy who'd lock a door in an apocolyps. Very chuckle worthy!

DP......I'd try and find the guy's file. I mean, if he's a legit prisoner here, he'll have to have a file. With that mask in place, there is no garantie he'll be able to talk, so I say hunt down what you can find out about him in the squad file rooms before heading down to see the actuall man. I'd actually start with the creepy folder clutched in the dead guy's hand. Makes the most sense for me atm.

Loveing the end of the world here, keep up the good works!
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 22, 2011 7:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now polling...because Bizzy is back, baby
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 22, 2011 7:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tough poll! A lot of good options - I assume we're just figuring out how to start so I picked according to that presumption. It wouldn't be where I'd want to FINISH per se but it was a good NEXT thing to do.
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 29, 2011 10:22 pm    Post subject: Chapter 6 - The Rise of Subject L Reply with quote

A million and one thoughts flew around my skull as I stared at the screen. The most prominent being a simple question. How was this guy still alive? Half a dozen answers presented themselves but each one seemed as unlikely and improbable as the next. I took a step back but kept my eyes glued to the unchanging image on the monitor.

The prisoner was truly starting to creep me out. He was just standing there, staring up at the camera. It was as if he knew that we were looking at him. A small shiver rocketed down my spine as I stared at the figure in the cell. I managed to shake away the creeps that he gave me and looked to Ana, who looked back at me.

"Well, what do you think?" I asked her. She gave a shrug and let out a sigh.

"We can't just leave him in there to die," she said.

"Sh...sh...should be d...d...dead already," Rat commented.

"S...s....seven days. No food, n...n...no water. Should b...b...be gone."

I gave a nod in response then looked back to the monitor. They were both right. On one hand, he should be dead. His mouth was covered with a solid steel plate, held up by a good number of screws. There was no possible way he could be provided with sustenance, with the small exception of an IV. an idea that was quickly ruled out by the straight jacket. I studied him for a moment before my thoughts were interrupted.

"What you think, Silver?" Ana asked. I looked at him for a moment before looking at her as an idea popped into my head.

"I want to know more about him," I said. "You're right. We can't just leave him there. That would be quite inhumane but Rat has a valid point as well. If we go on worse case scenario, then he's been in there for seven days with no food or water. He should be dead or at least a lot worse for wear than what he is. So I would like to know just what we're getting into before we even consider letting him out of there."

"So, what did you have in mind? Look through the police files?"

I gave a nod. "Yeah. Me and Rat will go look through police files to see if we can find any special prisoners or anything about a guy with a steel plate on his skull. You stay here and keep an eye on him and give a shout if anything unusual happens."

I looked to Rat and watched as she smiled at me and started out of the room.

"Wait a minute," Ana said, as I started to follow. "Three things. First, who the fuck put you in charge? Second off, why should I be the one to watch the monitor? And last, what the bloody hell do you mean by unusual?"

I spun on my heel and stared her in the eye. Behind her brown eyes laid an good amount of dominance and defiance. A small smirk played across my face as I recognized them. She was starting to remind me a bit of myself. I cleared my throat and took a step toward her.

"Alright. I will answer those in order," I told her. "You did when I fixed your van and you agreed to help me get out of this wretched, vile place. You watch because Rat has a stutter and if something important happened, we may not have an idea what she's saying in order to stage a rescue or whatever. And I mean if the guy bursts into flames, if the building starts to collapse, or a giant tentacled creature tries to ravage you like in some crappy Japanese porn. Got all that?"

Ana's jaw dropped a bit and she gave a small and reluctant nod. My smirk grew and I pointed back to the monitors.

"You should probably get back to watching," I said before turning around and walking out of the room. I started down the hallway, heading in the direction of the file room but stopped as a thought popped into my head. They guy in holding had a steel plate on his mouth. I thought back to the folder in the evidence room The image on the front was the see-no-evil, hear-no-evil, and speak-no-evil trio, with the focus being on the silent one. My eyes widened and I raced down the hallway toward the evidence room. I slid to a halt outside the room and knelt down next to the corpse clutching the folder. For a moment, I just stared at it. After a couple minutes, I reached out and started to carefully pry the fingers up and slowly pull the folder from the cadaver's grasp.

After a short forever, I freed the folder and flipped it open. Inside was a photo of the mysterious man in the monitor wearing a hooded sweatshirt. Even thought the man in the picture did not have a steel plate on his mouth, it was still clear that it was the same man. I removed the picture and flipped through the other contents.

There were a couple lab reports from a company called Învierea Enterprises detailing experiments with the DNA of an individual deemed Subject L. I looked to the picture and smiled at it.

"Nice to meet you, Subject L. I'm Leon. How ya doin'?" I asked before chuckling to myself and looking back to the folder. I flipped through the reports and skimmed through them. The last one in the bundle was written a couple months ago. It said that all the experiments were a success and that they had found some way to cheat death. That they had found the secret to immortality. I looked back at the picture of the young man, my eyes focusing on the subtle smile that he wore. There was something wrong with it. I couldn't put my finger on it but I knew that there was something very off about it.

I put the photo and the reports back in the folder and stood up. I took a step into the hallway before stopping and looking down at my hand. My fingers were starting to tremble even more now. Slowly, I reached into my pocket and dug out the bottle of pills. I slid the folder under my arm and held it there while I screwed off the lid. I dumped a couple into my palm before tossing them into my mouth. Without thinking, I swallowed them. Without any liquid to assist their passage, it was a rough swallow but I managed to get them all the way down my throat and into my gut. I put the lid back on the bottle and stuffed it into my pocket.

Casually I strolled down the halls until I found the primary. Rat was frantically searching through a couple filing cabinets. With hurried, yet fluid motions, she'd pull out a file and flip it open. She would glance at them for a millisecond before flinging it to the side.

"Find anything?" I asked.

She didn't say a word. She merely shook her head.

"Well, I did. Let's get back to Ana then we'll see about releasing this guy."

The girl looked at me, smiled and moved quickly up to me. I smiled back at her and turned. Side by side, we walked out of the room and down the hall. As we approached the security room, I noticed something different. Ana was gone.

"Shit," I said and glanced around. I called out her name a couple of times before looking to the monitor. My eyes widened as I saw Ana standing in the room with the prisoner. Clutched in her hand was a small drill. I watched for a moment as she raised it and started to remove the bolts from the guys face. As I watched, I couldn't help but become worried. I listened to the air for a moment before swearing under my breath. I couldn't hear the drill, meaning that wherever she was, there was some soundproofing at work.

I looked around again before glancing at the monitor ad saw that he was still staring at the camera as she removed the bolts. Then I saw something that genuinely worried me of her safety.

Turning quick on my heel I ran out of the room. I ran as fast as I could into the cell block but saw no sign of her. Without stopping, I continued to race through the cell block until an idea slipped into my brain. There was a cell that they kept in the basement that was reserved for extreme prisoners. Friends of mine within the station had informed me of its existence. Turning, I sprinted back down the hall to the basement door, which was wide open. Kicking myself into high-gear to hurry up, I sprinted down the steps. Once in the basement, I ran down a long hallway that was waiting for me.

The sound of a drill started to make its way to my ears. I was close. Taking a deep breath, I sped up a bit more and stopped once I reached a large solid steel door that was several inches thick. Inside I saw, Ana pulling out the final screw and removing the steel from the man's face.

"Ana, wait," I shouted.

She dropped the steel to the floor and looked to me. "I couldn't just leave that on him any longer," she said. "What's your major malfunction?"

I looked to the stranger who was now smiling at me. There were several streams of dried blood sitting on his face. A low, evil chuckle emerged from his lips.

"Freedom," he said, in a deep and psychotic tone. The sound of tearing fabric tore through the air and in awe and horror, I watched as the straight jacket tore itself to shreds and removed itself from his person. Underneath the restrictive material was the same hooded sweatshirt he wore on the folder's emblem and in the picture inside. He put up his hood and another evil chuckle escaped his lips.

He stared at me for a moment before looking to the ground and folding his hands behind his back. "Your sister would be disappointed in your incompetence," he said.

A large amount of anger soared through me, now powered by adrenaline and painkillers, causing me to race forward and swing at him. Right as my fist was about to connected with his jaw, he ducked and allowed my fist to sail past him. Before I could fully comprehend what was happening, He rose and hit me with a nasty uppercut. A knee to the gut gut followed and was itself followed up by and elbow to the spine which sent me crashing to the ground.

"Hey, motherfucker," Ana shouted. I started to rise and looked over toward her to see her miss a roundhouse kick to the guy's skull which he dodged with another duck and countered with a fist to her knee. She let out a yelp of pain which was gut off as he uppercutted her as well before he grabbed her by the hair and threw her into a wall. He chuckled and started to walk out of the room. I managed to push myself off the ground and moved forward at him. As soon as I got close, he shot his leg back like a deranged mule and caught me right in the groin. The action was repeated as I doubled over and his boot caught me squarely in the face. As I hit the ground, I heard a yelp followed by a an odd choked gurgle and then a thud. I moved to a sitting position and looked in the hall where I saw an unmoving Rat. I glanced at Ana who was also unmoving. I pushed myself to my feet and looked at both the girls and around for the guy in the hood. I raced out of the room and looked around the hall, yet there was no sign of him.

I drew my gun and looked at my surroundings again. "Stupid. I should have just shot him," I groaned. i started to go farther down the hall to find him but stopped. The sound that Rat had made worried to me. There's no telling what he did to her. I should probably check on her. Then again, the guy in the hood couldn't have gone far. I could still catch up to him. Kill him. Get payback for that statement and what he did to the three of us.

I closed my eyes and thought for a moment and nodded as and idea came to mind. I knew what just what to do.

***********

What does Leon do? Should he check on Rat and make sure she's ok...again? Should he quickly run after their attacker? Check on both the girls and go with safety in numbers? It's your call folks.
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 30, 2011 5:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another good chappie, Biz! Much enjoyed!

I spotted this...


Quote:
She let out a yelp of pain which was gut off as he uppercutted her as well


cut?

But a very minor mistake. Smile


As for the DP, go check Rat, and let the prisoner go. This guy is obviously too much for Leon to take on by himself, and we know from the file that he's possibly immortal. There's not much Leon is going to be able to do, so he should concentrate on his injured (or worse!) friend. Plus it might give even more insight into what the guy is actually capable of.


Great Job, Bizzy! Keep up the good work! Wink

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 30, 2011 8:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm gonna have to f5 Tika on all points. I thought to do the same on the DP as well. I'll add we should be a bit more thorough now on looking for info on the dude and how he got here. I know who you're speaking about now and I love the new intro piece for this character... wonderful stuff! Really brings a lot together for me. Can't wait for more!

Now... WHY did Ana go all off on her own like that??? This is something we need to figure out immediately-like. But first things first and that's tending to the wounds of our allies now that the immediate threat of combat has passed (but we should be making haste to an exit asap here... oh.. the more I think about it the worse this is... we may have to find an underground tunnel to make it out of here now... so search around a bit is a high priority too!)
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 30, 2011 12:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This was EPIC, Bizzy!!

i'm with the others on this one. check rat...i dont like that sound either...

what i loved here, was the way you made that character just an overly creepy guy. i was getting chills!!

also, i loved the differences in the girls. Ana--the stubborn, reckless, walking attitude, and Rat--the quiet, sweet, graceful one. Rat is always smiling...i dont know that we've seen Ana genuinely do that yet.

keep it up Bizzy!!
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 03, 2011 8:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cool! I expected him to wig out on us but he didn't go quite as psycho as I had thought he would. Maybe he's not all bad huh? I think we need to know why he's here - the real reason. And why he's alive.
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 04, 2011 4:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Finally caught up, and glad I did.

Well, this guy some how knew he was being watched. He was staring up at the camera, and I believe somehow he managed to use that camera to persuade Ana to go down to the cell and free him.

He's dangerous, and we don't know the extent of his powers - except perhaps that he may be immortal - which we've already gleaned from the file.

I find it odd that he was not able to get out of the strait jacket until the steel plate was removed. Perhaps we'll find out why later?

At the moment I'd say he is a more dangerous threat than the shufflers. But... he didn't stop to kill the girls outright, he was more interested in getting out of there. I'd follow him. Not only that, he knows our hero, his sister, and probably his father, and that's dangerous, too.

If the girls are good enough to survive, then its safe to leave them, but if not, then there's not much Leon can do except watch them die. He's not got an emergency medical team there. If anything it might be better to lock them in the cell to protect them against shufflers while he goes after the nutcase.

Go after him.
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 6:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now polling...hit it fast people...Leon and the girls depend on you...vote now....vote fast
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 11, 2011 8:35 pm    Post subject: *Poke* Reply with quote

I can't wait to see mroe! I missed the DP suggestion time, which makes me sad....I would have suggested chaseing the guy and making friends with him!
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 2:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Polling will stop on Monday...new chappie up Tues-Wed
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 20, 2011 11:40 pm    Post subject: Chapter 7 - "Not good...so not good..." Reply with quote

I looked down at Rat then turned my head to see Ana stumbling out of cell. I pointed down at Rat and glared at her. I was furious. She walked down into the den of an unknown psycho and we were all nearly destroyed by him. I looked dead in her eyes and continued to point at our comrade.

"Make sure she is alright, then take cover in the cell," I told her. She started to open her mouth but I moved a couple steps forward causing her to shut it and back up a step. "Don't speak. Not now. I'm going to get that son-of-a-bitch that you let loose. You're going to make sure that Rat is alright and then you're going to hide out in that cell til I come back. And you will not move, am I clear?"

She nodded and lowered her head in shame. I sighed and turned away from her. I quickly moved down the halls keeping, my eyes and ears open for any sight of him. Listening for any possible sound of his movements. I kept my gun held firmly in front of me as I weaved through the halls, prepared to blow away anyone that I saw. The halls led me back to the staircase which brought me once again to the cell block.

Moving through the cellblock, I didn't see or hear anything besides the usual silence. As I neared the lobby, I heard a sudden burst of psychotic cackling. The laughter echoed from around me. I spun around and stared down the cell block. Nothing. He was playing games with me. I didn't know who this guy was but he was starting to really piss me off.

With an angry grunt, I turned around and jumped back a step. Standing a couple feet in front of me was the creep in the hood. On instinct, I raised my gun and fired two rounds at him. The first round caught him in shoulder while the second sank into his chest, right where his heart should lie. Crimson blood sprayed back onto me from the wounds but the goon merely smiled.

"Guns are so barbaric, don't you think?" He asked before grabbing the barrel and pulling on it. Still stunned from the fact that he took two shots and was still standing, the gun slid easily from my grasp. He disassembled it in a couple of seconds and threw the pieces in various directions. "That's better. Now if you please, I must be on my way. He turned around and started to walk away.

After a few more moments of stunned staring, I hurried forward and spun him around. As he spun, he brought his fist around and caught me in the side of the head. My head was knocked to the side for a moment as he caught me with another blow to the opposite side of my skull. My head was thrown back to a neutral position. As my eyes focused again, I caught sight of his fist flying at me. Unable to fully comprehend what was happening, it connected and sent me straight to the ground.

The freak chuckled as I felt blood start to trickle from my nose. i laid there and listened as his footsteps moved away from me. After I managed to gather my senses, I pushed myself up and started to stumble down the hall to the lobby. As I entered, I looked toward the entrance and saw him. He let out a resounding chuckle before looking around at the chaos around him at the burned bodies and decomposing lumps with most of their skulls or torsos blown away.

"Alright, all of my mangled minions. Rise and slaughter this disgrace to his kind," he shouted. Their was a loud and collective moan from all around me as the burned and whither masses started to rise. All the bodies rose, with the exception of those that had put a bullet into their own brains.

All at once the shufflers started to stagger toward me. There were dozens of them. Instinctively, I reached for a gun to find nothing. My eyes bounced around the room as fear started to flood through me. Looking back toward the entrance, I saw no trace of the guy in the hood with the exception of a puddle of blood and what appeared to be two bullets.

"Not good," I said. "So not good. Shit. oh shit." Next to me, a shuffler let out a loud groan, causing me to spin and hit it with a solid punch to the side of its squishy skull. It staggered back and I followed up the move with a similar one that knocked it to the ground. Glancing to my other side I saw another one getting close. Reacting quickly, I spun and delivered a roundhouse kick to its skull. There was a sick crunch and the thing collapsed into a heap. Quickly I spun and raced into the cell blocks. A couple shufflers emerged and started staggering toward me.

I looked behind me and watched as tons of shufflers piled into the hall. Letting out a frustrated groan, I turned and raced down the stairs into the basement again. I needed a gun if I even wanted a chance at surviving. I raced back to the secret cell and saw Rat sitting against a wall holding her throat and Ana sitting by her and holding her close.

"We gotta move and now," I told them. "And I need a gun. Bastard took mine."

"What's going on?" Ana asked handing me a pistol from the bag of guns and pulled out hers.

"Lots of shufflers. Explain later," I said and started out of the room. I heard a moaning headed out of the cell. I started down the hall toward the staircase but stopped as a loud moaning greeted me. I shook my head and gestured toward another hall nearby. Ana and Rat emerged from the cell and started down the hall and I followed in tow.

Together we sprinted down the hall until it spit up in three directions. Down one end was a solid steel door with an electronic keypad next to it. Straight ahead of us as a set of double doors that sat under a sign that said garage. Finally down the last path was a large red door that was propped open by a dead body. Printed boldly on the door were the words: RESTRICTED ACCESS. DO NOT OPEN.

"Well, which way?" Ana asked. I looked around then over my shoulder as the sound of shuffling echoed from deep in the basements halls I looked at each door carefully trying to figure out the escape from the surefire death behind us.

***********

Ok...which door do they go through? The mysterious red door? The solid steel one? Just to the garage to try and get a ride out of there? or do they just turn around and try to fight their way back out? Choose wisely...
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 3:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Biz!


Another great chappie! I'm glad that Rat is okay...at least for now. I was worried the guy had crushed her throat in the last chapter. I was also very intrigued by this line...


Quote:
Looking back toward the entrance, I saw no trace of the guy in the hood with the exception of a puddle of blood and what appeared to be two bullets.


...I'm wondering what this signifies, whether he merely removed the bullets, or something more supernatural. I dunno, it just kinda struck me upon reading it.


Found a couple of things whilst reading...


Quote:
hide out in that cell til I come back.


Till...

Quote:
The laughter echoed from around me.


I'm not entirely sure, so someone else is going to have to confirm it, but the 'from' doesn't sound quite right here, though I definitely know what you mean by it. The the laughter is all around him and seemingy originless. I'm thinking it would sound better if you added or replaced it with an 'all'. Anyway, it could just be me, but I thought I would point it out anyway.

Quote:
i laid there and listened as his footsteps moved away from me.


I...and possibly laid needs to be changed to lay, I'm thinking.

Quote:
There was a sick crunch and the thing collapsed into a heap.


I think 'sickening' would sound better, but that could just be me again (hangovers do make these things a little hard to judge Wink)

Quote:
Straight ahead of us as a set of double doors that sat under a sign that said garage.


Was...


DP - I still want to know more, and the door that seems to scream 'INFORMATION' to me is the red 'restricted access' door, though the solid steel one is tempting. But, as it wasn't mentioned to be otherwise, I'm imagining that it is closed and that they will need some kind of password to type into the keypad to gain access anyway. As they're in a hurry, and don't want to become zombie nosh, I'm sticking with the red door. Wink


Still enjoying this very much! Keep up the good work! Smile

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 23, 2011 3:07 pm    Post subject: I Think....... Reply with quote

Sorry for the delay in reading this! *Bows* Life suxz royal atm, but the crazy guy here gave me the happy for a bit. *Grins*

I like this one. Not muche happend, but it still had a great feel to it. I think you could have done a little more with the 'happenings' durring it, but again, I like it this way too!

Needs a little work witht he disjointedness in some places, but the story comes through semi clearly even in the most confuseing points. Perhaps a re-read or two and you could catch those little slips.

DP....I agree about heading into the room, but I'd have to say, slip inside, but take out as many shufflers from behind the door before closeing the doors. Make sure to take out the dead body holding the door open, incase it wants to start shuffling *Shifty eyes*
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 23, 2011 4:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i love this, Bizzy. =)

great job. keep going!

ima say barricade yourself in the room & kill as many as possible.
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I found a few new chapters I'd missed this morning, and much to my surprise, this was one of them! I've had a distracted go of it lately.

Anyhow, loving the tale as always. I found the same comment Tika pointed out just as intriguing... two bullets? But also two I thought the mention that only those that had not shot themselves in the head rose as shufflers to be interesting as well. Though I must insist you add something more to that to give us an understanding of how we came to realize this so easily. Sure some may not have risen but would we have so quickly realized it was because THOSE people had shot themselves?

As for the DP, I'm tempted to go for the restricted access door... sounds VERY interesting and like there's some good clueage there that could help us sort out one of our mysteries BUT survival is at stake and I'm thinking if it were ME I would feel a bit less comfortable running in that way rather than heading towards the garage. At least, in the garage, we may find an escape route and perhaps even a functional vehicle to bust free with!
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 31, 2011 5:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Eternia is now polling
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 31, 2011 5:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The garage may seem safer but a Restricted Area? Too tempting!
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 12:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm glad I caught this one in time! A good chapter and I'm still taken in. I'm voting for the restricted access. There's info on this guy in this place and if we keep running, we'll be getting nowhere.

While we can't go back upstairs to get the file on him we may still learn more by going to the restricted area.
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 7:26 pm    Post subject: Chapter 8: Red Room Revelations Reply with quote

"Red door," I said pointing at it. Ana nodded and together, the three of us raced in its direction. I stopped in front of it as the girls jumped over the cadaver in the way. Carefully, I took aim at its skull and put two rounds into its grotesque gray matter, before grabbing it and dragging it out of the way. Once the body holding the door open was replaced by one of my comrades, I moved in and allowed them to slam it shut behind me. As the door closed there was a small clicking sound before several fluorescent lights kicked on above us.

I looked around and my jaw dropped slightly. The room was filled with monitors and filing cabinets. In the center of the wall in front of us was the same insignia I had seen on the folder upstairs with the words Învierea Enterprises in large print under it. I stared up at the large figure in the hood with a hand over his mouth. Something about it was quite disturbing yet very hypnotizing as well. Directly in front of the large, disturbing image was a pair of computers. Sitting in front of each one was an officer slumped over on the keyboards. Their blank and empty gazes directed at each other. Each one appeared to have been dead only a couple of days and had a single bullet wound in the back of their skulls

I moved forward a bit and glanced at the screens of the computers they were clearly looking at when someone executed them in theirs seats. On each screen was a spreadsheet with a list of names. Each name was accompanied by their height, weight, age, marital status and last known whereabouts. As I read each line of information I found something particularly odd about each one was at the end of each one was either the word Viable or Non-Viable. My eyes passed down several lines of names before I came to a name I recognized: Stefan "Doc" Bachman. My eyes raced toward the end of his line and found the word Viable there, typed in red letters.

"What the fuck is all this?" Ana asked behind me. I turned and looked at her.

"I don't have a clue," I told her. I started to say something else but was interrupted by something slamming on the door. On the other side, I could hear loud, vicious and hungry moans as the horde of putrid policemen clamored to get in and tear us into tiny bite sized pieces.

"Great," Ana moaned. "Now we're trapped in here."

"Yeah, we are. Something that could have been avoided had you not come down here in the first place," I said with a smirk.

"Woah, you can't possibly be thinking of blaming this on me," she said casting an shocked look in my direction. "You're the one who brought theses things down here.

"And you're the one who came down here and freed a psycho which you knew nothing about and let him go, so now there's a guy running around that can control the shufflers."

She let out a nervous laugh and shook her head. "Control them? Are you fucking high? No one can control these things."

"Well, I just watched him tell these things to rise and kill me and they got up and came after me. Something that wouldn't have happened had you waited like you should have. What were you thinking?"

Ana opened her mouth to say something but closed it and closed her eyes tight as if thinking extraordinarily hard about it. She opened her eyes after a moment and shook her head.

"I don't remember," she said. "I was just watching him on the monitor and then next thing I know, I'm going down the stairs. Grabbing the drill from next to the door and getting that steel plate off of his mouth. It was like someone else was making me do it."

I eyed her for a couple minutes, trying to figure out whether she was telling the truth or trying to save her own hide. As I studied her, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked over at Rat who rapidly thrust a piece of paper in my face. I grabbed it from her and eyed it carefully. It was an email from an individual named Emily to someone simply known as Bossman.

Complications arose with Subject L, it read. He has proven to be quite troublesome. Each of the men in charge of handling him have died in mysterious circumstances. All of the projects that you signed off on seem to be taking. This includes the hypnotic gaze, mental manipulation and psychokinesis. Extreme measures have been taken to prevent their misuse but things are still going downhill. We are going to house him at the Eternia Central Police Station. Even without you're OK, maybe they can keep him under control.

I reread it a couple of times then handed the paper to Ana. She took it and looked over it before staring back at me. I scratched my temple a bit and pointed at the e-mail in her hand.

"He got in your head," I told her. "Sorry about jumping down your throat like that." She didn't say anything and simply nodded. I looked to Rat and sighed. She was rubbing her throat lightly. "You alright?" I asked placing a hand on her shoulder.

She opened her mouth to say something but winced in pain. She pointed to her mouth and shook her head. For some reason, as the thought of Subject L's attack on us surface, I found myself becoming furious. But it was the thought of the attack itself that angered me. It was that he dared to lay a hand on rat. He had harmed her and that fact crawled under my skin and festered there. I quickly shook off the anger and looked around as I tried to figure out a way out of the tiny little room.

Before I could get any ideas though, I heard a small of static from the corner. My gaze shot in its direction and focused on a small CB radio that was sitting on one of the filing cabinets. Rat walked over to it and looked at it closer. After a moment, more static sounded from it before a voice started speaking.

"Please, for the love of God, if anyone can hear me. Please respond. I've been trapped for the last three days without food or water. I'm injured and in need of assistance. Please help me," A panicked voice said. It was female and a little bit nasally. I started toward the radio and stopped in front of it. The last time one of us offered help to someone, it blew up in our face.

"Do we answer it? Or is no one home?" I asked. Rat looked at me and shrugged. Ana walked up and stood beside me.

"Dunno. You're call, chief," she said.

"Oh. So, now I'm in charge?'"

"Yeah. Rat's too nice and I don't want to risk anyone else getting into my head."

I nodded and stared at the radio. "Please. Is anyone out there?" the voice asked. I lowered my head and tried to think about to do. We could answer her and promise her help but if we couldn't figure out an escape, we could be stuck just like her. I weighed every pro and con before looking back at the radio and knowing precisely what had to be done.

***********

What does he do? Answer the call? Smash the radio and ignore it? Ask for help himself? Something else I didn't mention? The trio's fate is in your hands...
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 7:39 pm    Post subject: I Think....... Reply with quote

Another nice chapter! Loving the ever present tension of those damnd shufflers. The transition to "You" being in charge was quick, but necisary I suppose. y sister is kicking me at the moment over the fact that the girl is giving up the power, but she's just a stickler like that. *Mumbles*Damn femenisit*Mutter*

Let's see, what to do next. . . . .I'd say answer the radio, but don't give out any pertinent info. Lean as much as we can from her, and if she seems capable, agree to help. If not. . . . Tell her sorry, but we have our own problems! Well, that's my idea....

Loving this apocalyps Biz-kun! Keep up the spirits!
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 7:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i liked this! not much happened, but it was definitely a plot builder! i think we should answer...call me a tenderheart! but i think we should reach out. besides...we're stuck in a room with zombies at what we think is the only door...how much worse can it get?? right?? right? lol
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 8:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Finally, I'm all caught up. Great story biz! I suggest ignoring the radio. Let's be honest here. The lady is injured and would probably just slow the group down even more than it already is. Also, if she's trapped in the building, she may have had something to do with the zombies and the psycho which would just make us want to shoot her anyway. In conclusion... IGNORE HER AND RUN!!!
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 7:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Like LostOmega, I finally caught up. A love a good zombie apocalypse caper. I say help whoever is on the radio. Right now, the gang needs all the help it can get otherwise they'll all probably get killed anyway. So the risk is worth it.
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 8:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another great chappie Biz! Much enjoyed! Smile


I'm glad that Rat's okay. I was worried that Subject L may have done some far more serious damage. Though I guess that if he's damaged her voicebox, it's going to be a problem for them later on anyway, what with her not being able to call for help, or warn them of danger. But still, phew! Wink


Just spotted a couple of little things...


Quote:
For some reason, as the thought of Subject L's attack on us surface, I found myself becoming furious.


surfaced ?

Quote:
It was that he dared to lay a hand on rat.


Capital letter for Rat.


Okies, for the dp...My initial thought was that this was possibly going to be some kind of trap. Maybe the company making a regular check to see if Subject L and the company's records of their experiments have been discovered by anyone else. As such, I did have to take a little time to figure out what they should do, before finally coming to the conclusion that they should answer the woman anyway. She could be entirely innocent, and actually need help. She could also be a person who worked on the experiment (possibly the Emily who sent the e-mail), and who might know a way that they can get out. Or, she could be calling through on the radio for the reason I stated previously, in which case they might send people to capture/kill them, who in turn will probably kill the zombies, and then our trio might stand a chance of fighting their way out of the building, what with their opponents being human and more easily hurt.


Looking forward to the next chapter already, Biz! Keep up the good work! Smile

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 7:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

An interesting reveal chapter.

My first thought, with the DP was, what does it really matter if we talk to this gal or not? We TOO are trapped and pretty much screwed. So to help her we need to first help ourselves OR she needs to help herself so she can come rescue us.

But hey, why not chat our way into oblivion with another poor soul who's just as screwed as we are? Perhaps we can work out a plan for survival between us.

As always, looking forward to more here Bizzy! Thanks for the great read!
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 08, 2011 1:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now Polling!
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2011 10:34 am    Post subject: Awwww...... Reply with quote

Awww, seems like my choice is in last place *Buuuuu* Well, at least I didn't tie it!
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 17, 2011 3:45 am    Post subject: Chapter 9 - Escape Escapades Reply with quote

Slowly, I reached out and grabbed the mouthpiece for the radio. I looked at the side for a moment before sighing and pressing the button on the side with my thumb. I waited for a moment before swallowing hard and looking to Rat who gave me an encouraging nod.

"Yeah. Someone is out here. You're not alone miss," I said before releasing the button. There was a torturous silence before there was an eruption of static from the radio.

"Oh thank god," the woman said, sounding on the verge of tears. Obviously the woman had been through hell if the sound of another voice brought her to that reaction. "Who is this? Where are you stationed? Is there any help on the way?" she asked. Her words erupting out of the radio a mile a minute.

"Call me Silver," I told her, opting for only my last name. Giving out my first name could be quite dangerous if this girl was an enemy. "And I'm stranded too. I'm stuck in a secret headquarters for Învierea Enterprises with a couple dozen or so shufflers on the other side of the door. And I doubt any help is coming for either of us."

"You're in the Red Room? How'd you get in?" the young woman responded.

"It was being kindly held open by a rotting corpse," I told her. "And what do you know about this place."

"Too much," she said. "There should have been two officers manning computers inside. Are they..." She trailed off a bit so I finished for her with a sigh.

"Dead? Yeah."

"Shit. That means that clean-up has started, she said. There was a slight sound of sniffling and a couple deep breaths. After the deep breaths there was a full minute of silence before her voice burst from the radio once more. "Ok, you need to get out of there and fast."

"Well, I'm open to ideas," I said with a laugh, looking around. "But there's only one door and too many things on the other side to get past."

"There's another exit. Behind one of the filing cabinets is a secret door that leads to a ladder. The ladder leads to the office of the chief of police. Hurry and use it. Then meet meat 557 Broadway. I'm stranded in a city bus with about a dozen creatures outside. Please, hurry."

"Wait. How do you know about this room? The exit?"

"Help me and I'll explain more," she said. Following her sentence was a loud burst of static followed by nothing.

"Hello?" I asked. Nothing. "Are you there? Please respond." Still nothing. "Come on in, over." Only silence came forth. It seeped past my ears and caused me to be filled with an uncontrollable rage. With a frustrated growl, I grabbed the radio and yanked it off of the filing cabinet and flung it against the wall. "Fucking bitch," I shouted. Quickly, I tried to shake off my fury.

The painkillers were settling in. They had a nasty habit of shortening my temper. Even though, had I not taken any before we got trapped here, I most likely would have shot the blasted thing. I looked at the girls who were staring at me in confusion and a mild state of worry. Before I could get rid of the anger that fueled me, I pointed at the filing cabinet that appeared to be the most likely suspect. The only one in the entire room that was gray instead of black.

"You heard her," I snapped. "Now move the fucking thing."

The girls looked at me for another moment before nodding and moving to the filing cabinet. As they turned their backs I pulled the pills from my pocket and took some from the bottle. Maybe with a couple more, I could contain my emotions. Prevent any more sudden outbursts. I had to keep my cool. The girls have made me their leader. I was responsible for them. And I'd be damned if I let any harm come to them. Casting a glance over my shoulder at Rat, I popped the pills into my mouth, capped the bottle and slid it back into my pocket.

I turned around and watched as the girls managed to move the cabinet. As it moved the one next to it moved as well and with remarkable ease. Like they were connected on a set of wheels. Sure enough, in the wall where the steel had sat was a small door. Ana moved toward it and pushed it open with only a minimal struggle. As the woman on the other end of the radio had said there was a metal ladder within.

"Well, this place is full of surprises, isn't it?" I said.

"What the hell was going on here?" Ana asked. "I mean, cells with super-powered freaks, secret company labs, secret passages, it all seems like something out of a bad video game."

"If only," I said. "Well, I guess that since you made me group leader that I'll head on up first." A deep and nervous sigh escaped my lips as I walked toward the secret passage. I stopped directly in front of it and looked at Rat. I smiled at her in apology for my previous actions before stepping into the claustrophobic tunnel. The passage with the ladder was little more then a cement square with red lights going up each side and just enough room for one to maneuver properly on the ladder. With fear filling my heart quickly, I began my ascent. The sound of my shoes on the rungs of the ladder echoed around me, making me feel very uneasy. Below me, I heard the others start up after I had reached a good thirty or so rungs before them.

After what seemed like a good two hundred rungs, the ladder stopped at a wooden door above me. I pushed on it and with ease it flung open. Sure enough, as I finished crawling up into the open, I found myself in the Chief's office, emerging from the door that sat under his desk. Looking around the office, the first thing that caught my eye was the deceased body of the chief, sitting in the corner. The hilt of a knife sticking out from the top of his skull. I moved halfway toward him and stopped. He was fresh. A day at the most.

"Hey, Chief," I said, giving him a slight wave. "How ya doin' tonight?" I waited a beat before giving a nod. "Glad to hear it. I've been alright. This has been one hell of an Armageddon though."

"Who the hell are you talking to?" Ana asked behind me.

"Chief Augustus," I responded. "Though he's not much of a talker now."

Ana moved to my side and gasped. "Holy fuck," she said.

A minute later and Rat was at my other side. She stared at the body for a moment before walking to it and pulling the blade out of the head. The knife was fairly long, a good six or seven inches. The blade was serrated and etched in the side of it was and IE. A large smile appeared on her face as she eyed it. There was a bright gleam in her eyes like a child at Christmas.

"Great," Ana said. "You got yourself a new blade. Can we get the fuck out of here already. This place is starting to creep me out."

I nodded and headed toward the door. The chief's office led to a flight of stairs that took us down two floors to the main lobby on the first floor. As we exited the stairwell, a strange sight greeted us. Five individuals in leather jackets stood there conversing in a small circle, each one carrying an improvised weapon of some sort. I counted two baseball bats, a tire iron, a police baton and a large board with a nail stuck through it. Clearly my father's men. A fact that was explained by the leather and lack of intelligence to bring guns.

I started toward them, raising my gun but a soft touch met the back of my shoulder. From behind me, Rat came around with a look of anticipation on her face. From my other side, I felt a small tap and turned to look at Ana.

"She's got this. Just sit and enjoy the show," she said. Looking back to Rat, I watched as she started toward the bikers. Ana let out a whistle and the five of them turned in our direction.

"That's them. The runt and his bitches," the one with the tire iron said.

He charged forward with his friends bringing up the rear. Mr. Tire Iron swung his weapon but Rat dropped to her knees and placed the blade firmly in his gut. He gasped in pain and in a flash, she shot up again, bringing the blade up and giving me a good glance at what his insides looked like. She withdrew her weapon and he dropped in time for one of the batting twins to appear with the wooden weapon raised above his head. Without hesitation, she jammed the blade in his throat and grabbed the bat as he slumped to the floor. In a single, fluid, beautiful motion, she spun and brought the bat up to greet the balls of the other bat boy. He clutched himself just in time for Rat to send the bat into his skull.

The thug dropped to the floor along with Rat's bat. Rat rolled to the side as the board came down in her direction. It hit the floor as Rat pulled the blade from the other felon's throat. She spun on her heel, her blonde hair forming a large halo, before she pounced and sent the man to the floor. The biker let out a startled yelp that was cut short as Rat's steel dragged across his throat. Rat stood and thrust her blade hand out just in time to have it sink into the arm of the criminal with the police baton. He screamed in agony dropped his weapon and backed up with the knife still in his arm. Rat grabbed the discarded baton and used it to crack open his head and send him to the floor.

"Where the fuck did she learn to do that?" I asked, as my eyes widened. The events I just witnessed finally sinking in.

"That's for us to know and for you to maybe find out," Ana said with a playful smile. She flashed me a wink and started toward Rat, patting her on the shoulder. I stared in stunned silence a moment longer before joining them.

"Well, let's go," I said heading toward the door.

"Wait," Ana said. I stopped and turned to face her. "Don't you think we should find another way out. Just in case they have friends out there."

"They aren't that smart. Besides, we need our bikes. Broadway is on the other side of town."

"Wait, you're actually thinking of meeting her."

"Yeah. I think maybe we could try to figure what the fuck is going on here," I said taking a step forward and pointing in the direction of the basement. "Because I may not be in the law enforcement business. Hell, far from it, but I know enough to know that that shit wasn't natural."

"Who gives a flying fuck?" Ana yelled back stepping closer, closing the distance between us. "You said you had a way out of this godforsaken city. That's all I care about. Escape. Yet, now all you wanna do is play detective."

"Yeah. I kinda wanna know what was going on with the cops, Învierea, and Subject L. I wanna know what they have to do with happened to this shithole. But most importantly, I think that if he have any intention on getting out, we may need all the help we can get. Besides, she's a survivor stranded by shufflers. I kinda feel for her."

Ana leaned up to say something else but was stopped as Rat pushed her way between us and gave each of us a slap in the face to signal us to stop. I looked at her embarrassed and sighed as I tried to figure out the best course of action.

***********

What do they do? Front door or try to find another exit? Go with the original plan and visit Doc? Save the girl and get answers? seek out Senior and get payback for the goons? Something I didn't suggest?
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 17, 2011 9:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

it's AAAALLLWAYS the quiet one. XD

loved the play by play of that scene...definitely something i need to work on with my battles. now i have a good example. =)

i'd say lets go with Leon's original plan and go find this lady. she can obviously give us some answers...if she's still alive...

keep up the good work, Bizzy! i loved it!
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 19, 2011 9:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another fab chapter, Biz! I never fail to enjoy this tale! Smile


A couple of things I noticed...


Quote:
"Shit. That means that clean-up has started, she said. There was a slight sound of sniffling and a couple deep breaths.


Needs another set of speech marks after 'started', and an 'of' between 'couple' and 'deep'.

Quote:
Then meet meat 557 Broadway.


Space between 'me' and 'at'.

Quote:
The girls have made me their leader.


I think this should be 'had', rather than 'have', going by the rest of the paragraph.

Quote:
But most importantly, I think that if he have any intention on getting out, we may need all the help we can get.


We?


For the DP...Hmmm...I am tempted to say go find the girl, and help her. But I still have this horrible feeling that she's going to end up being the enemy. Curiousity is on the side of that option, as is the instinct to not go. It's almost like when you're watching a horror movie, and you're begging the victim to not go into that room because there's a killer in there, but yet a part of you is still egging them on. *giggles*

I'll go with that anyway, same as Andi. Go find the girl, but be well prepared for her to not be all that she seems.


Looking forward to chapter 10, Biz! Keep up the good work! Smile

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2011 11:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I enjoyed this, as always. Rat's attack scene was nice but I would maybe seek to break up some of those paragraphs so as to allow the reader to more thoroughly digest the coreography (sp?).

A secret passage behind a filing cabinet? What kind of police station IS this? There's more to that... this indicates a great deal of foresight and planning to have some seriously top secret things going on at this location. No municipality would have gone to that extent so the funding comes from elsewhere and was somehow woven into the intention of a police station as a front (and that adds the benefit of having armed guards there at all times as well.) We do need to find out more and here's where we can kill two birds with one stone.

It would be pretty much wrong of us to NOT go help this rare example of a living human being. Saving her would be potentially akin to saving the entire human race, as would the saving of any survivor who wouldn't try to kill us right now. So yeah, we can't ignore our moral duty to do something to help her. Furthermore, she seems to know what the Red Room was all about and that's something WE need to know a LOT more about. Perhaps the key to the origin, and perhaps a cure as well to the curse of, these shufflers can be derived by following this line of inquiry.

Escape will only do us so well until the shufflers eventually catch up to us. There's no way its contained in just Eternia... if it was, the gov woulda nuked the city long ago... no... the epidemic has obviously spread so far and wide that Eternia is just one place among the shuffling herds, though perhaps it IS ground zero.

So, yeah, no question in my mind... we need to rescue our radioed benefactor.
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2011 2:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another awesome chapter! I love Rat so much right now.

This lady obviously has information on her and if she had a safe way out of the police station, she may have a safe way out of the city itself. I'd suggest saving her and finding out who she is and what she knows.
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 4:45 am    Post subject: Chapter 10 - Bus Trip Reply with quote

Biz Bit: Ok. No poll. You guys all agreed. Thank you...thank you...I love you all...I owe each of you a hug and a drink

"We saving the girl and that's that," I said as I opened my eyes and looked up to Ana. I shook my head and lifted a hand before a single word escaped her. "Now. We're doing it. End of discussion. She has answers that we need. Like why the police station is built more like a secret fucking lair. So take whatever doubts you have about her. Or anger you have toward other living breathing humans trying to save your hide and just bury them deep. You put me in command, remember. I didn't volunteer, you volunteered me. So just shut up and follow me."

I turned toward the door and started toward in. Behind me I could hear both Rat's and Ana's footsteps following me. A small part of me wanted to smile but I found myself unable too. A large quantity of doubt was creeping into my mind. What if Ana was right? What if getting out of the city should be priority one. What if further exposure to this monster infested nightmare was the wrong choice? They had put me in charge and I was taking risk with their lives. W

I did my best to shake away the negative thoughts as I strolled down the police station steps, stopping when I reached our motorbikes. Both were on the ground with their tires slashed. I sighed and looked around for any other vehicles. Nothing. The either walked or were delivered here, my guess being the latter. Guess they were kinda smart after all.

I looked to the girls and sighed. I looked around before halfway down the block where a bus stop sat. It was a small metal building, consisting of three walls and a roof. Inside sat a bench with a dead shuffler bum leaning against it, his semi-fresh blood and brain matter, covering the face of a real estate agent. On the back wall was a map of the city with the route of the bus outlined in red. I leaned in studied it. My eyes scanned it quick.

I found our location first, near the police station on Monroe Avenue. I traced along the bus route, watching the streets as I did so. After a minute or so, I finally found it. Broadway. It was quite a distance from us. It would take at least an two and a half hours on foot and in that moment, I could almost feel all hope for answers slipping away. I looked away from the map, letting a stream of obscenities out under my breath. As I glanced up, I could see a worried look on Ana and Rat's face.

"We need a vehicle," I said. "Otherwise, we're fucked." The others nodded and I looked around. There were plenty of cars strewn about the city streets but most of them didn't work, either due to crash or some of the original looting that took place as the city slowly slipped into hell. After a minute of surveying the scene, a ray of hope suddenly appeared. A cop car. It was parked partially on the curb but appeared intact. I approached it carefully and moved near the passenger side. As I got around it, I jumped as something grabbed hold of my leg.

I looked down and watched a shuffling officer let out a loud moan and move his hungry jaws near my leg by using me to pull itself from under the vehicle. I let out a startled yelp and quickly fired a couple shots at it, one barely missed my foot and the other landed square in its forehead. Its grip loosened and its head fell to the ground.

"Yeah, take that you sneaky bastard," I shouted at the re-dead corpse. I pulled my leg quickly away and moved to the driver's seat. An unsettling sight of blood on the steering wheel and the seat. I sat the pistol in the waistband of my pants and knelt down to feel both samples and when I was certain they weren't fresh, I sat down and let out a loud laugh as I saw the keys hanging in the ignition. I grabbed them and gave them a turn. It started without trouble.

"Thank god," Ana said hopping in the back seat. I glanced over and watched as Rat slid in and smile at me. I nodded and looked out the windshield.

"No," I said. "God ain't this nice to me."

I quickly set the car in reverse and backed off the curve. There was a large bump as the front wheels rolled off and a slight one as the went over the shuffler. I stopped in the middle of the street and, after putting the car into gear, set off down the street, pushing the car to its limits. Rat flicked the siren on and I smiled.

In no time we arrived at the right spot. I stopped the car a couple yards away and stepped out. The bus stood there but something was different from the woman's description. No shufflers. Instead, a dozen shufflers sat dead around it, all with a good portion of their skulls blown away. Cautiously, I drew my weapon and started forward. I walked onto the bus where I found a young woman crouching in terror.

"You the voice on the radio?" I asked.

She nodded and looked up at me with terrified, gray eyes. "Are you Silver?"

I nodded and started toward me. I put my gun away and crouched down before sitting down next to her and looking at her carefully. A beat later I heard footsteps and looked up to see Ana entering followed by Rat.

"Comrades," I said as the girl looked to me.

Ana rushed forward and dropped down to look at her.

"My god, are you alright?" she asked.

The girl shook her head. "They're here. They killed the shufflers but not me. I don't know what they're waiting for. I know they're still there," she said looking to the floor.

"Who?" I asked as Rat stepped forward and dropped down.

She looked at me and sniffed a bit. "The clean-up crew," she said. "Învierea's elite squad deigned to destroy all evidence of their fuck-ups. They're a little late but they're here. For me. And because you came to help me. You too."

"Why the fuck didn't they fire then? Outside? they had the shot," Ana said.

"Maybe they hid. Had to move in. Sniping is last resort. Like it to be up close. Personal. They're sadists. Guns are for shufflers and to incapacitate," the young woman said.

"What's your name?" I asked.

"Emily."

My mind kicked into overdrive. The e-mail. No wonder she had answers. I looked around then back to Emily. I sighed and made her look me in the eye. "We need to get you to safety then you should really answer some questions for us."

She waited a moment and opened her mouth to argue but closed it and nodded. I stood up and my comrades followed. As soon as we were upright, there was a loud bang as the back window shattered, followed by Emily falling into me. I helped lay her on the ground and examined her. There was a bullet wound in her upper back, just couple of centimeters from her heart. Far enough to spare, but close enough to kill in time.

I felt for a pulse. It was still there. Good. I wasn't ready to lose answers this quick. I looked at the wound again. If something wasn't done soon, then we could definitely lose our shot at answers.

However, there was no telling what these guys wanted. If they were as good and sadistic as Emily said they were, then the left her alive for a reason. They'd save her for last. Make it fun. I grew up a sadist and I was sure that it's what Senior would do. I looked to Ana and Rat who had dove into seats.

I looked down at Emily then back out the back of the bus. We could fight. I was sure of it. Wait til they get close and try to stave them off but doing taking too long in a fight could seal Emily's fate. And that was if we survived at all. Running seemed a better option but there was the chance of death and dismemberment. I closed my eyes and grabbed my temples struggling to figure out how to deal with this fight-of-flight situation.

***********

What do they do? Fight? Run? Leave someone to watch over Emily and take the other to fight? Emily's fate lies in your hands?
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 11:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

nice!! needs some minor editing, but that will come. Wink i loved Rat turning on the siren...simple pleasures...they can keep the sanity even in hell holes.

seeing as how Rat has at least SOME medical experience, let's leave her with Emily and see if she can save her life. Take Ana and go for some butt kickin'!!
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another cool chappie, Biz! Much enjoyed! Smile


It seems that Emily is likely one of the good guys after all, poor girl. I hope there's something that can done for her, as I would now like to see more of her in the story. Will also be interesting to have these three wholly different women all in the same vicinity, me thinks.


Found a few things...


Quote:
"We saving the girl and that's that," I said as I opened my eyes and looked up to Ana.


We're

Quote:
I turned toward the door and started toward in.


A couple of things here actually. Firstly, 'in' needs to be 'it'. The other part is due to the two 'toward' in the sentence. It's a little jarring, so I would recommend that the first be changed either to 'to' or something like 'in the direction of'. Would just make it flow a little better. Wink

Quote:
An unsettling sight of blood on the steering wheel and the seat.


This sentence doesn't seem complete. Maybe 'There was' should be added at the beginning, or something similar.

Quote:
I glanced over and watched as Rat slid in and smile at me.


Smiled

Quote:
If they were as good and sadistic as Emily said they were, then the left her alive for a reason.


They

Quote:
Wait til they get close and try to stave them off but doing taking too long in a fight could seal Emily's fate.


Something here doesn't sound right...I'm thinking that the part in red should be something like 'but in doing so and'?


For the DP...Now that they're here and they've found Emily, I don't want to see her just dying and that be it, leaving them in even more shit than they were before. I'm actually of the same opinion as Andi. Have one of them try and sort Emily out, while the others keep a lookout for the Învierea's elite squad, and try to hold them off should they appear (or kill the bastards, whatever Wink).

Looking forward to Chappie 11, Biz! Keep up the good work! Smile

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2011 10:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice chapter. Again. I also agree with Andolyn.
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 12:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, one person stays to provide cover fire from the bus while the others run to a new location, setting up there to provide cover fire for the person to leave the bus. Leapfrog like this along until you've made a successful withdrawal. Play the necessary game of chesslike strategy until they've been flushed out. If we need to get aggressive (because they remain persistent), send Rat around in stealth mode to go assassin on their asses while we distract them with cover fire/retreat tactics.

Oh... nice crits we're seeing from you Tika! Very helpful I'm sure.
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 4:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Eternia is now polling...three days until its down folks
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2011 9:52 pm    Post subject: Chapter 11: The Goons Reply with quote

"Leap frog," I blurted as the idea came into my mind. Looking up, I met the confused gazes of the others. I let out a sigh and smiled before gesturing to the exits of the bus. "Me, Emily and Rat head out while Ana covers. We get to a safe spot and cover Ana while she gets to us and so on until we're safe. And if they get too close, Rat can go all stealthy assassin on them. Deal?"

The others nodded in agreement. Carefully I lifted Emily into my arms and looked to Rat, who pulled out her new blade and stared at me, ready for action. giving a glance to Ana I watched as she checked the ammo level in a couple of Nine mils. Once she was ready I moved near the back of the bus. I paused on the right side of the door while Ana moved to the left. After counting to three I leapt from the door, followed by Rat, as Ana leaned out and fired shots blindly at a handful of figures in the distance.

I didn't get a good look at them, yet from what I could tell, they were packing some serious close-quarters weapons. We stopped next to a crashed vehicle and pulled out a weapon of my own. Without peering around the side or setting Emily down, I fired off several shots, allowing Ana enough time to get near.

Once she was safe with us behind the vehicle, I looked around. Nearby there was a small liquor store. If we could only get inside then I was sure that we'd be able to find away from them, either through a back door or breaking through a wall or something.

I patted Rat on the shoulder and pointed at the door. She looked at it and nodded. I did the same to Ana who gave the same response. Taking a deep breath I rose, placing both arms under Emily once more, and hurried toward the door as Ana started letting off shot after shot to cover, me and Rat's escape. We ducked quickly into the liquor store and I set Emily down on the floor before peering around the corner and firing at the strangers. Something that effectively kept them behind cover. Ana joined us in the building and as soon as she was clear, I slammed the door.

Giving a look around the building, I mentally swore at myself for choosing it. We were trapped in a small building with a handful of aisles with most of the shelves bare. Looted. When hell truly started to show itself, the liquor stores were the first to be hit alongside the bars. As I fought the urge to swear loudly and hit myself in the head, Rat tapped me on the shoulder. I looked to her and followed her hand as she pointed to a back door with the words STORE ROOM printed on it. I nodded and rose, lifting Emily once again.

I started toward the door and as I reached it, Ana moved in front of me and opened it. Inside were several empty boxes of extra stock. At the back of the back room sat a large metal table covered with paperwork. I hurried toward it and laid Emily down on it. I looked to Ana and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Watch her," I told her before gesturing to Rat to meet me by the back room door. As we reached it I looked out into the rest of the store. "They're gonna be coming in soon. Can you ambush them? Take them out silently like you almost did to me?"

She looked around for a moment and studied the main store for a moment before nodding slowly. "Ok," I told her. "I got you covered."

She moved into the main store and hid in one of the aisles, in a way she could watch the door without being seen right away. Slowly, I slid the back room door closed until it was just enough for me to watch what took place. I double checked my ammo before staring at the door. My heart was beating at two million miles a minute.

After approximately two minutes, the front door creaked open and three figures in body armor, complete with helmet and facial masks strode in. Each was carrying a spiked club that vaguely resembled the maces knights used in the middle ages. It was like they were the SWAT team from hell. They moved halfway through the store and looked around silently. The leader motioned for them to fan out before starting in my direction. I moved to the side of the door and held my breath.

As the door opened and they thug stepped in, I extended my arm and aimed my gun at his skull. I heard him chuckle at the sight of Ana and Emily.

"Playtime," he muttered.

"Not for you," I responded.

He turned and looked me in the eye. His eyes widened for a moment before I squeezed the trigger, sending a bullet straight through his left eye. The body dropped and I heard a scuffle. Loud and heavy footsteps started toward the door but were stopped as a masculine screech split the air. I turned the corner and saw Rat standing above a thug on the ground who was reaching at his legs which were bent out of shape thanks to the club in Rat's hand.

I rushed over to him, removed his own weapon from his possession and looked at Rat. The look in her eyes told me that she wanted to finish him off. Yet, I wasn't so sure. He could have a lot of answers. A hell of a lot of them. Then again, who was to say whether or not he would say a word. Not to mention the poor woman bleeding in the back room. I looked at my gun and the club deciding whether or not to waste the son-of-a-bitch.

***********

Ok. Kill him or question him? Or should they just leave him there and leave to help out Emily? If your option is to kill him, is he worth the bullet or should the death be merciless? Your call.
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2011 10:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

oooohhhhhh love it!!

have Rat go help Emily...Leon stays to question the guy...and if he wont talk? THEN kill him...or worse...leave him for the zombies...i'm sure they could use a snack...

MWUAHAHAHAHA!!!

ahem.

sorry...
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2011 7:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Added to my list of things to catchup on NOW. Cool to see a new chapter though! Do love this story...
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2011 3:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Biz!


This was a good chappie! Plently of action, and the dp option, which could have easily been over-written, if you get me, wasn't at all, and was pretty engrossing. Very well done.


Couple of things here...


Quote:
Once she was safe with us behind the vehicle, I looked around. Nearby there was a small liquor store. If we could only get inside then I was sure that we'd be able to find away from them, either through a back door or breaking through a wall or something.


I think there are a couple of words missing here. Thinking of it in my head, I'm thinking it should be something like 'find a way to get away'.

Quote:
Taking a deep breath I rose, placing both arms under Emily once more, and hurried toward the door as Ana started letting off shot after shot to cover, me and Rat's escape.


The end of this sentence isn't worded quite right, I'm thinking...

Taking a deep breath I rose, placing both arms under Emily once more, and hurried toward the door as Ana started letting off shot after shot, to cover Rat's and my escape.

I'm not 100% on that, so I'll need it confirmed, but I think that's how it should be worded, though 'Mine and Rat's' would be fine too. But, if I recall my school studies correctly (possibly not, as it was such a long time ago Wink), words such as I, me, my etc, should go at the end, if there is a list of more than one person...if that makes any sense.


I'm going with questioning the guy. Find out who he works for, and why he was trying to kill Emily. Is he merely a thug, or someone working for a person with an agenda? They're questions that need answering.


Much enjoyed, Biz! Keep up the good work! Smile

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 24, 2011 10:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Windfall! Interrogate him. And since Rat seems up to the task, have her on standby with the club. Even if you learn nothing, you can still buy time with zombie bait.
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 7:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Definitely worth an interrogation. And steal the weapons (the maces) cuz they seem pretty cool, silent, and useful.

Much enjoyed the chapter Biz. It stayed with the flow of the story and remained consistent so I have a hard time finding much more to say. However, I do feel that we've allowed the shufflers to go ignored in the tale for far too long. In this version, their presence hasn't been delivered enough to get a feel for their ever-looming threat at all. We must have more of them and in some really tense ways or we, as readers, will lose touch with the core threat premise of the plot. I fear we may already have.

Nevertheless, that is not to say you haven't given us a great story so far and that it continues to remain compelling and inviting of further exploration. It would be very interesting to see what lies behind the mind of the one we've now got at our mercy.
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 4:14 am    Post subject: I Think Reply with quote

Much lovin' in the Zombie world my friend. Much Love!


I would like to see mroe shufflers too, but the secret government agencie needs some screen time too. *Grins* *Points* You do know you got a floating "W" up there, right? Razz Anyways, Rat is getting kooler and kooler. I think the pills should show themselves in front of the girls soon. . . .I know!

DP: Screw the sadistic SOB and go to the girl who's actually willing to talk. Make sure of no comunication devices before thowing him to the nearest pack of Shufflers. Pop her some pillz and hopefully it'll let you do something for her, and get her talking sooner! Also, the girls should have something to say about the pills, and there. That's my thoughts!

Keep on truckin' Biz-kun!
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2011 7:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now Polling
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 04, 2012 7:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now feeling like I've been waiting tooooooooo long for a new chapter here! (Maybe I'm just missing new episodes of the Walking Dead too and between both I'm having twitchy little withdrawal symptoms!)
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 5:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Finally caught up.

Love it Biz.

I voted for interrogation. Leon needs answers and if Emily isn't in a state to give them, then the Goon will just have to do. XD
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 7:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

“Check on Emily,” I said. “Me and our friend here are gonna have a little talk. Hurry back though. I may need a little assistance.”

Rat nodded and walked around me to the back of the store. As she left, I lowered myself down to his level and stared into his bright green eyes that peeked out from the wool mask that covered his face and sat under his protective helmet. Without a second thought, it tore both from his skull and revealed a young man underneath. He couldn't be more than seventeen and yet he was a hired goon. I was starting to hate Învierea. They had caused me enough trouble today.

“First off, what's your name?”

“Fuck off,” he spat.

“Ok, Mr. Off,” I said with a smile. “Tell me why you and your little buddies want the girl back there dead.”

He said nothing. Merely spit in my face, causing me to jerk back a bit. I waited a brief moment and let out a chuckle before backhanding him.

“Wrong answer. Now, same question. This time, say it, don't spray it.”

“Fuck you, asshole,” he shouted, prompting me to punch him square in the face. I heard a small crack from his nose. A small trickle of blood had appeared as I pulled my fist back.

“Try again,” I shouted at him, with a large smile still on my face.

“Because she knows too much. About everything. Subject L. The Green Room. Everything. So President Russell sent us to get rid of her. Clean up.”

“Yeah. That's what she said. I just wanted to verify it. Now, onto my next question. What the fuck is the green room?”

He stared at me for a moment, realizing that he had said something he probably shouldn't have. “No way in hell am I telling you.”

I heard footsteps behind me and I stood up. I nodded to Rat who walked over to her spot beside him and stepped onto one of the wounds on his legs. The goon screamed in pain before finally nodding.

“Good boy. Speak.”

“The green room is a study center. Housing a database of all possible test subjects.”

“Like the Red Room.”

“Yeah. Just different subject list and different study files.”

“Where is it?”

“Not gonna tell you. They'll kill me.”

“I'll do worse. I'll leave you for the shufflers.”

Rat started to place some more pressure but stopped as the faint sound of moaning started to drift through the walls. We quickly looked at each other and I gestured toward the back with my head. Rat rushed back and I stared down at the goon. His eyes begged me to take him with me. Too bad, he wasn't going anywhere.

Rat and Ana emerged from the back, Emily cradled in Ana's arms. A mace in each of Rat's hands. She handed one to me and I nodded to her.

Without a word amongst us, we headed out the front On each side of the street, a horde of shufflers had gathered. The three of us froze as the shufflers stood and stared at us with hungry eyes. I swallowed hard and before a plan could properly formulate in my mind a voice called from the roof behind us. Spinning quickly, My eyes met with the glowing orbs of Subject L, standing on the ledge of the liquor store.

“Leon, say hello to IE Bio-project 2.0. With my help, these helpless slabs of flesh have gotten an upgrade,” he said. “Men, feast.”

A loud unified groan cam from the wall of undead on each side and as I stared over, I noticed something different. Something wrong and much more frightening. They were running.

“Shit,” Ana said.

“I second that,” I said, turning and sprinting into the building across the street from the building we had just departed. Without thinking or paying attention to the scenery, I raced through it, dashing out a back door. In the distance, I could hear the goon screaming as some of the fiends started to devour him. Outside the building I waited, until Ana and Rat joined me before starting to slam the door. A creatures head popped out and out of instinct, I crushed it with the weapon in my grasp. It collapsed and I turned to the girls as I tried to keep of army of flesh-eaters at bay.

“Keep going,” I yelled. “Stop for nothing.”

They kept going and I managed to push the door all the way shut. As I heard the click, I turned and followed my companions. They were a good distance in front of me but due to the shufflers that seemed to be pouring from every building, maybe that was a good thing. For them, at least. I followed them as the moved through a couple alleys before ducking into a building. I followed and slammed the door behind us. Off to the side was a vending machine. I looked to the others and cleared my throat.

“Help me with this,” I called out. Ana sat Emily down and assisted me in moving the machine to block the door. Outside I could hear them scratching to get in. We were safe. For the moment at least. I collapsed onto the floor and coughed a bit. My body was aching. My arms started to tremble. Sitting up, I quickly pulled the pills from my pocket and took a couple. I needed them. I wouldn't make it without them.

As I sat and waited for them to kick in, I heard something. A soft feminine moan. Emily. I crawled over to her and looked at her.

“Leave me,” she said. “You'll never survive with me.”

“No,” I told her. “No one gets left behind. We're going to help you. Get you out of here.”

She shook her head. “These things are like sharks in the water. They can smell the blood. I was doomed the instant I went down. Go to the Green Room. Free Clinic. South side.”

I stood up and looked at the others. “We can't, can we?”

Ana nodded. “Gotta. She's right. But if we do we at least gotta make sure those things don't turn her. Finish her off.”

Rat shook her head and signed something to Ana.

“She thinks we should take her to the hospital not far from here. We can save her. Get more information. There's strength in numbers.”

I sighed and dropped to me knees, regretting ever becoming the unofficial leader.

***********

Leave her or save her? Green Room or hospital? Some other destination or action? Perhaps they search wherever they are? Should they focus on escape, Învierea, or escaping the city? The choice is yours.
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 8:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

iiiii'm with Rat!! =D

glad to see a new chapter here!!
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 8:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm.

Rat has a point, it would be better if they helped Emily. It couldn't hurt to get more hands on there side. Besides the Green room isn't going anywhere. haha
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 17, 2012 7:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Whoo. All caught up. I agree with Rat. Emily is of more use alive than dead. She may have information on how to deal with "Subject L".
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 17, 2012 8:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice chappie, Biz! Much enjoyed Smile


The danger just keeps increasing, doesn't it? First they were just dealing with mindless, zombie-style shufflers and the odd gang. Added to that is Subject L, who's a force to be reckoned with in his own right, and upgraded shufflers, who can now run after their intended victims. All in all, it's been a very fast paced and action filled chapter, and I very much enjoyed reading it.


For the dp, I have to say to take Emily to the hospital and try to save her. I want to see more from the character, and learn more detailed informaion about the situation that our leading man and his friends have found themselves in, and that information is going to be gotten quickest by trying to keep Emily alive. And she seems nice as well, so I don't really want to see her die...not this soon after her first appearence anyway. Wink


Looking forward to the next one! Keep up the good work! Smile

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2012 10:17 pm    Post subject: Chapter 13: Hospital Horror Reply with quote

"Hospital, it is," I said. I stood up and looked around. After a moment I looked to the front and pointed. "We'll go out that way." I grabbed my weapon from the ground and handed it to Rat. Then, with caution, started to lift Emily up.

My whole body strained against the effort. I was sore and my latest couple pills weren't kicking in. I was angry, tired, physically drained and without a good high to keep me going. The pills weren't working as well or as long as they usually did. Halfway to my feet, I buckled and dropped back to a knee, barely managing to keep a hold of the girl in my arms.

"Hey, I got her," Ana said, rushing to my side. I nodded and let her move in front of me and take her out of my arms. As she did so, she cast me a look of concern. I looked to Rat who also looked concerned. She handed me my mace back.

"I'll explain later," I told them before walking toward the front. We were in a store of some sort. Hard to tell as the place had been picked clean. Nothing remained with the exception of a couple rotting corpses with bullet holes in the back of the head, their hands duct taped together in front of them. Something quite serious happened here. I gave each body a quick blow with the mace to encourage them to stay dead before opening the door and peering out.

There was a nice handful of shufflers in the street wandering around aimlessly. I started out and nailed the first one I came across with a blow to the back of thew skull.

"Rat, stay in front of Ana and take out any shufflers in the way. I'll take out any that try to come from behind. So lead the way," I whispered behind me. Rat moved around and took a spot in front of me and I made my way to the back of the line. “Quick and quiet. Single file. Move out.”

Without another hesitation, Rat started moving, followed by Ana and myself. I mostly walked backwards, keeping an eye over my shoulder to make sure I was close behind but in no danger of plowing into them. The creatures wandered on all sides of us. A good majority of them didn't seem a particular threat. Occasionally, would would get to close and either me or Rat would end it with a quick blow to the side or top of the skull as well as a second one once they hit the ground.

After a very long time, I felt Ana tap me on the shoulder. I glanced over it and saw the four story building just ahead. Rat cleared a good path for us and together we managed to get inside and to safely bar the door.

“Rat, get Emily and Ana to a safe location and start doing what you guys need to do. I'm going to check the place out. Make sure there aren't any surprises.”

Ana gave a nod as a stern look came over her face. “Then you and I are going to talk.”

They strolled off down one hallway while I took off down another. I found a cozy doctor's office, dispatched the undead doc and took a seat in his chair, placing the mace on my lap as I sat. Tonight was not going as planned.

I had seen my father for the first time in years. Memories of my sister had been brought to the forefront of my mind and my pill either weren't working right or weren't strong enough. Not to mention that I was not closer to an escape as I had been when I first stepped into the street. Now there was a psychopath out there that could control shufflers, the only person I've met with any information at all regarding the whole situation was shot and I was going to have to explain my addiction to my comrades. I hate Eternia.

I leaned back in the chair and put my feet up on the desk and allowed my eyes to close for a minute. After about a minute or so, I heard the tell tale sound of footsteps directly outside the office.

“That was fast. Need anything?” I asked.

Nothing. I opened my eyes and found no one standing before me. Curious, I grabbed my mace and stood up. I walked out of the office and then I noticed the foot prints.

A set of bloody footprints sat outside the door. Footprints that I could swear weren't there when I had entered the office. Looking around, I saw nobody so I followed them. They led down a long and dark hallway, a single fluorescent bulb flickering overhead. At the end of the hall, they turned and went down a similarly eerie stairwell. I gave another look in the hallways and started my descent. The stairs led into the basement, where the morgue was kept.

I followed them step for step up until I reached the entrance of the refrigerator for the dead. If there were any shufflers they'd be in there. I pushed my way through the doors and stopped. Sitting in the middle of the room was a metal tray painted with blood. Atop the bloody scene, sat a laptop, an image flashing and flickering across its glass. With hesitation, I approached it.

On the screen sat the picture of a young woman, next to her death certificate. The same young woman that sat immortalized in my pocket. Elizabeth Henrietta Silver. I glanced away from the file for a moment, fighting the urge to toss the computer. When I allowed myself to look at the screen again, my eyes focused on the medical examiner's conclusion.

Suicide.

Bullshit.

After a few seconds of looking at the file, the screen went black for a three seconds before being replaced by the image of her lifeless body, a gushing wound in her throat and upon each wrist. The neckline of her baby blue dress stained with blood.

“The fuck?” I said, taking a step back. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder, spinning me around. As I came face to face with the person responsible for such an action, I became immobilized by fear. It was my sister, her throat a jagged and bloody mess. Her raven black hair matted down and soaked in her own crimson juices. Her eyes were glazed over in a fashion similar to the shufflers.

“You should have saved me sooner,” she said. I opened my mouth to scream but no sound came out. Instead I found myself, lurching forward from my chair in the doctor's office, the mace crashing to the floor with a thud. Hunching over, vomit poured from my mouth. It didn't last long, but it ensured that I didn't want to touch my weapon again. I got up and wiped my mouth with my sleeve and started out of the room.

I had no idea how long I'd been asleep but I knew I didn't want to do it again. Part of me wanted to find more pills and get myself as high as I could be. Yet my mind was telling me I should grab the mace, clean it off and dispatch any beasts lurking in the hospital. Yet the biggest section of my wants and desires was pushing me to go down into the morgue. To make sure that what I had experienced was just fiction. I took a breath and looked in all directions, realizing more and more how much I hated my life.

***********

Ok. What does he do? Prove the nightmare was just that? Maybe check on the girls? use the bathroom? The choice is yours.
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 10:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice chapter Biz! The nightmare was unsettling to say the least.

At this point, I think it would be best if he got out of that room, maybe search the desk for some things first. He should definitely grab the mace on the way out though, and search for Rat, Ana, and Emily.
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 6:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Woot! I love it. Seems everything creepy is always down the morgue. haha

He should probably check in on Ana, Rat and Emily. Then see if he can get someone to come with him down the morgue just in case some freaky shit happens.
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 7:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

you should feel special...i unburied myself from school books just to read this. XD

i'm with Midnight and Omega. grab the mace, check on the girls, THEN head down to the morgue.

LOVED it Biz!! Can't wait to see you next week!!!
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 1:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Biz!


Another fab chappie! Interesting about the lack of effect that our hero's medication is having on him. Had me wondering why there's this sudden change in effect, and if it has anything to do with the current happenings. I'm guessing that it definitely does, of course, but it's still intriguing to think about the how and why. Wink

I'm also really liking the fact that the story of his sister, and what happened to her, is continuing too. Really very well done!


A few things I noticed here...


Quote:
Nothing remained with the exception of a couple rotting corpses with bullet holes in the back of the head, their hands duct taped together in front of them.


The second 'with' doesn't need to be there, though the first one is perfectly placed, and also a comma after 'remained' and another after 'corpses'. Another small thing, which is completely opinion based - though it doesn't exactly NEED it, I think that you could get a little bit more description in there, in describing the condition of the bodies. By changing a couple of words, it allows the reader to have more of an intense picture in their minds of how the scene looks. Just a quick example...

Nothing remained, with the exception of a couple rotting corpses, bullet holes marring the backs of their skulls, their hands duct taped together in front of them.

By adding the word 'marring' it gives one a picture of something slightly more violent and disfiguring.


Quote:
I started out and nailed the first one I came across with a blow to the back of thew skull.


the

Quote:
"Rat, stay in front of Ana and take out any shufflers in the way. I'll take out any that try to come from behind. So lead the way," I whispered behind me.


Another opinion based thing again. Though I got this afterwards, I did have to re-read it first of all, to get what was meant. I think it would benefit from a little more being added, just to clarify that he's talking to the two women. Such as...

"So lead the way," I whispered, to my companions, behind me.

Not perfect, but just giving you the gist of what I mean.


Quote:
Rat moved around and took a spot in front of me and I made my way to the back of the line.


I think that it would benefit the line if that second 'and' was changed to another word, such as 'while'.

Quote:
Occasionally, would would get to close and either me or Rat would end it with a quick blow to the side or top of the skull as well as a second one once they hit the ground.


A 'they' or 'one' needs to be added on one side of the 'occassionally' at the beginning, I think.

Quote:
the only person I've met with any information at all regarding the whole situation was shot


I think the 'I've' needs to be 'I'd' instead, if it's to work with the rest of the paragraph, but I'll need someone to confirm that.


For the dp...Well, if he's worried that the dream might be a reality, maybe it would now play out the same way. Take a look at the floor by the door, to check for the bloody footprints that alerted him in the dream. If they're not there, I think he should just go check on the girls, and have that chat with Ana at some point too.In fact, even if they are there, what's he going to gain from going down there, other than placing him in the position to have to kill his own sister, shuffler though she may be. Just go find the girls anyway, and if there are bllody footprints on the floor, maybe he could tell Ana about the dream, and maybe about Elizabeth.


Good job, Biz! Keep up the good work! Smile

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2012 10:10 pm    Post subject: I Think. . . . . Reply with quote

Truly creepy my dear demented friend. Had me tuckin' my toes in with that nighmare imaging.


The "Hate my life" attitude never gets old with this guy. He knows just how to pull it off without getting tedious. Again, love the nightmare *Grins* Getting down to her dress color, I could really see her in my mind's eye. I would like to see a little of the girls' fire come back, they seem to be getting a little too. . . ."Yes Sir" if you know what I mean.


As for the DP. . . . . .*Goes off on a whim* Find the ax. . . .All hosptals have fire axes, right? Or at the very least, I think he should to a hospital wide weapon search before heading for his compantions, as well as picking up some painkillers for Emi.


Can't wait to see more of this Biz-kun!
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 17, 2012 8:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now polling
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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2012 3:11 am    Post subject: Chapter 14: Pill Heaven Reply with quote

I looked at the ground and let out a sigh of relief as no trace of the footprints were there.I was just a nightmare. A pill induced, psychotic delusion. I rubbed my eyes a bit before turning back into the office and grabbing the mace. My ejected stomach contents covered part of it but I took a deep breath and grabbed it anyway.

In a slight hurry, I moved through the hallways until I found the bathroom, continuously looking around in a paranoid manner. My dream still sinking its claws into my gray matter. In the bathroom, I washed my vomit from the mace and stared at myself in the mirror.

There were dark circles under my eyes making them look fairly sunken in. A decent amount of stubble was starting to appear on my face. My oily black hair was starting to fall out of his nice slicked back style. I was starting to look like the drug addicts I had always mocked. The ones who let their looks slip, let their hygiene fade away and overall failed at life. Not the classy, upstanding pill popper I had been before the world went to shit. Pathetic.

I moved away from the mirror and walked out of the restroom and toward the entrance. I moved in a trance, my mind replaying the past week on repeat. Each shuffler that came near me. Each friend-turned-fiend who tried to sink its teeth into my flesh. The way I had hoped my father had been turned to a Biker Buffet long ago.

The entrance presented itself to me eventually and I turned down the hallway that the others had gone down. For the most part, I was able to focus, briefly forgetting the hell that had just plagued my mind a few moments ago. I looked from room to room as I moved down the hallway. It wasn't long until I reached the end and was forced to turn. Glancing at the nearest sign, I decided to head to surgery. It only made sense.

The next couple minutes were spent reflecting on the month leading up to the beginning of the end. I was in the midst of conning some poor rich douchebag out of a small portion of his fortune. I weaseled my way in close. Said the right things and did the right deeds. I became his right hand man. It was slow going and a bit difficult but I was close. I almost had complete access to his accounts, then I could slowly bleed out what I wanted and move on. Then the world ended.

Outside the Operating Room, I was brought out of my memories by a familiar voice.

“Silver,” Ana said. I looked in her direction, just in time to see her moving quickly at me. Once near, she grabbed me and tossed me against the wall. Before I could speak, she was in my face. “What is it?”

“What is what?”

“Your problem. I know a fucking junkie when I see one. I had a feeling when I first saw you. So what is it? What's your vice?”

“I'm not a junkie. Just an addict. Pain pills. I've had everything under control for the most part until tonight. My pills aren't working.”

“What do you mean they aren't working?”

“They just aren't. Through this whole ordeal, my body has felt like its gone through a dryer, a paper shredder and then for good measure been dropped off a cliff. My usual dosage isn't doing anything.”
For several minutes, she just looked at me. At first with disgust, then thoughtfulness and finally pity. She eventually let out a deep breath and looked to the floor.

“Ok, this can still work,” she said. She looked into my eyes and something lurking behind them told me that she understood my predicament. “Go find something stronger. Rat is still working on Emily. She should be done in a couple minutes. Get some new pills then come back.”

I nodded and walked away from her. My hand trembled slightly. The pills had definitely lost their effect. I went down the hall a bit until I found a small nurses station. I entered it and searched the area but found nothing. I found a couple more promising locations but came up empty nonetheless.

I searched through another nurses station and after another disappointing search, kept walking until I discovered a small pharmacy. Smiling a little bit I walked in and hopped over the counter. For a short amount of time I scoured the shelves and then I saw it. Vicodin. I grabbed the bottle with the highest dosage and took a couple. I pocketed a couple bottles and headed back into the hallway. As I stepped out of pill heaven, something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye.

Glancing over, my eyes fell upon a young man wearing biker leathers and holding a bloody screwdriver. He turned and our eyes met. I clutched the mace tightly and we simply stared. I suddenly felt like I was thrust into an old western and this was the high noon showdown. After about a minute of staring at each other, the biker turned and ran. Acting fast, I raced after him.

I recognized the patches he wore, the symbol that he bore. He was one of my father's goons and he was here. Rage flowed through my veins as quick and as powerful as my blood as I sprinted after him. If he worked with or for my father, he deserved to die. Needed to die. And I would be the one who dished out the punishment. Then I would hang his body out as an all you can eat feast for all the other beasts to devour.

He led me up a flight of stairs and down a hallway. I managed to close the distance by half beforeboth of us drew to a halt. Echoing through the entire building was a series of gunshots. Three sounded as if they cam from above us and another couple sounded if they were fired below. He spun and looked at me, his eyes showing a bit of fear.

My hatred for my father told me to act fast while I had a chance. That I should take him down and make him swallow his own teeth. But I knew that if shots came from below then the girls could be in trouble and bullets flying above meant we were not alone. I stepped forward before looking over my shoulder behind me, trying to decide whether I should try and be a hero or let out my inner monster upon the one before me.

**************

What to do? Check out the shots? Beat this guy to a pulp? Tie him up and save him for later? Which shots to check? Its all up to you?
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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2012 7:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Be the hero & run for the girls. Ana needs to see that "this can still work". Loved it Biz! Keep it up!
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PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2012 7:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Biz!

Something I like about your chapters, is that I'm always coming across small, even simple descriptive phrases/sentences that make me smile (not in the way that takes away from the atmosphere of the tale, but merely because they're very well placed and pleasing to the creative senses). The following are just a few, and, like I said, some of them seem simple enough, but they're very effective for creating said previously mentioned atmosphere.


Quote:
A pill induced, psychotic delusion.


Quote:
Not the classy, upstanding pill popper I had been before the world went to shit.


Quote:
For the most part, I was able to focus, briefly forgetting the hell that had just plagued my mind a few moments ago.


Quote:
My ejected stomach contents covered part of it but I took a deep breath and grabbed it anyway.


Though I think that this sentence could be improved upon, I really like the 'ejected stomach contents' part. Smile The part marked in red is what could be improved upon. Though there's nothing strictly wrong with it at all, it's a little bland when compared to how the sentence started. I could be wrong, but I think it all comes down to the usage of the word 'it'. I think the mere replacement of 'it' with something like 'part of the handle/shaft' would fix it. A word to look out for really. 'It' and 'that' can easily creep into sentences when they're not needed, the latter having been pointed out to me by Smee not long after I joined IF, and a lesson I've found quite valuable when it comes to editing my writing. Smile


Okay, a few things I found here...


Quote:
I was just a nightmare.


It

Quote:
In a slight hurry, I moved through the hallways until I found the bathroom, continuously looking around in a paranoid manner. My dream still sinking its claws into my gray matter. In the bathroom, I washed my vomit from the mace and stared at myself in the mirror.


With this part, we already know we're in the bathroom, as it's been recently stated. I think the paragraph would benefit from this part being changed to an action rather than location. Maybe something like...

I approched the sink and turned on the cold tap, washing my vomit from the mace and staring at my reflection in the mirror.

I also think that the second sentence would flow better if made part of the first, and seperated by a comma rather than a full-stop. It's describing part of the reason why he's feeling paranoid, and so it should be part of the sentence in my opinion. But then, I'm a comma overuser, and others may think differently. Wink


Quote:
The entrance presented itself to me eventually and I turned down the hallway that the others had gone down.


The double usage of 'down' here is a little jarring, but I'm having a little trouble figuring how to rephrase it (probably not really helped by the fact that I've been drinking this evening/tonight...still am actually Razz)...*ponders*...Okay, maybe something like...

The entrance presented itself to me eventually and I turned down the hallway, following the path the others had taken before me.


Quote:
I managed to close the distance by half beforeboth of us drew to a halt.


Space needed here.


Okay, for the dp...From the guys reaction, I'm thinking that he's no more in the know than we are. If he's part of his father's gang then surely he should have some knowledge of fighting/weaponry/etc? I say that, as it'll be in both their best interests, he should propose a temporary truce with the guy in order to be better prepared for what might await them upon investigation, and then deal with him later. After all, he could be jumping to conclusions here. The guy might have left his father's group and not had a chance to change into new threads. Either way, I say don't be rash and use each other to the advantage here.


Great chappie Biz! Much enjoyed! Keep up the good work!
Smile
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PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2012 4:23 am    Post subject: I Think. . . . . Reply with quote

Heyou, sorry about the late post. Another very intreguing chapter here. It was really easy to follow. Our Hero seems to have mild out a bit when it came to getting railed on, but I'm glad to see the fire return in the chase.


I think. . . . . . .Toss the bastage out the nearest window then head upstairs. The girls are capable and I think it would be better to know as much as possible before returning to "home base". A.K.A., wherever the girls are Razz

Keep up the good work Biz-kun! Lovein' it more and more!
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PostPosted: Sun May 13, 2012 6:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I just started on this story. I love the depth you've given to the characters, and the intrigue you've constructed around the plot!

His father's bad news. If Silver was by himself, it might work out, but let's not forget that the biker gang wants to rape the girls. Whatever happened to his sister, it must have had to do with their father, which kinda implies he's a bit of a monster.

So, for DP, Silver must do whatever it takes to hide their presence from their father. If Silver had no conscience, I would have said shoot the guy in the head, as there's a gunfight anyway so it provides a cover. But, I believe Silver would much prefer to tie him up. Also, being able to find out where his father is going next will help them avoid him.

After tying the goon up and shoving him into a broom closet or something, he should check out the shots coming from the one farther away from the girls. Assuming the girls aren't a part of the gunfight, if it comes down to it, Rat can easily take care of the ones physically near her.
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 3:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now Polling
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 4:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Voted. Very Happy
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2012 1:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Looks like I've broken a tie. I voted for the last option because the guy looked fearful, although it's not clear whether he's afraid of our hero or whether he knows something about the gunshots that we don't. Either way we need to find out more from him.

Broom cupboard it is!
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 4:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Missed the voting, But heres a bit of a crit!

Quote:
My heart was beating hard enough that it was all I hard as I stood and breathed heavily.

From chapter one, But i believe you meant heard.. Not hard for this part in green!

Quote:
You appear to be in need of some automative assistance.
The real test was seeing how long you could keep death at baby before finally falling.
I turned on my heel and without a word, waled from the store and back up the street to the van
I heard her sigh before feeling the man get moving.

From chapter three, I believe you should have spelled this automotive.. Not automative.. Unless it was some sort of slang, Although that wasn't apparent with any of his other speech. Second part, Believe should have been bay, Not baby! Another spelling error, Supposed to be walked.. Not waled Razz . Van, not man.... Unless shes felling the man get moving, *Smirks*.

Quote:
A knee to the gut gut followed and was itself followed up by and elbow
The sound that Rat had made worried to me.

To many gut's hun.. Just need the one. Located two or three chapters down the line, Not exactly sure as they arent labeled. Not sure if you need that to in their.. Sounds much better to me without it!

Quote:
I quickly moved down the halls keeping, my eyes and ears open for


Located in the direct next chapter, Believe that you accidently placed a coma down.

Quote:
I turned toward the door and started toward in. Behind me I could hear both Rat's and Ana's footsteps following me. A small part of me wanted to smile but I found myself unable too. A large quantity of doubt was creeping into my mind. What if Ana was right? What if getting out of the city should be priority one. What if further exposure to this monster infested nightmare was the wrong choice? They had put me in charge and I was taking risk with their lives. W

There was a random W located at the end of a paragraph.. Maybe two chapters from this one above..

Quote:
I was just a nightmare.


Believe you meant to put it, Not I. Last chapter by the way!
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2012 5:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I marched toward the biker with hatred in my eyes. As I moved forward at a deliberate pace, keeping my eyes glued to my prey. Our eyes and I could see the fear lurking behind them. He was terrified, either of me or the situation. Whatever it was, I liked it. People get stupid in fear. And when stupid people fight, they make mistakes. As I drew closer and closer to my target, I watched as he raised his fists in a vague defensive position. Once I was close enough to him, he threw a wild punch at me.

With quick reflexes, I jumped back, dropped the mace and grabbed his arm as the hit missed. Not wanting to give him a moment to comprehend the situation and squirm away, I grabbed tight to the limb and used it to swing him into the wall. I heard him grunt as he made contact. Moving quickly behind him and grabbed a handful of hair. All of a sudden, I didn't feel completely in control of my actions. I let my rage guide me. My blind anger at this man's very existence. My prey through an elbow back. It caught me in the ribs. It hurt very little. For a biker, he wasn't that tough. Probably a new initiate. A predatory grin appeared on my lips and I slammed his skull into the wall. His body went partially limp and I repeated the action which caused him to cease attempting to stay standing. Letting go, I watched him crumble to the ground.

Blood started to appeared at his forehead from where it made contact with the wall. Slowly moving away from him, he finished his trip to the floor and I saw blood coming from his nose too. I had a brief thought of finishing him off but decided against it. He wasn't worth it. Instead, I grabbed him by the ankle, along with my mace and started to drag him through the hall. If there were shufflers in the building, he'd end up drawing them out and I couldn't have them this close. Not until I checked out the gunshots. My eyes scoured the hall as I dragged the semi-conscious biker through the hospital. After a couple minutes I found a perfect place to hide him. A storage closet. It would keep him out of the way and hopefully make sure no shufflers sniffed him out.

I sat the mace down and with my free hand, I reached out and turned the knob. As soon as the door opened a bit, I was forced to let go of the biker and spin in a completely different direction. A tsunami of scent came from the room. I gagged violently and unfortunately was unable to produce anything thanks to my mess downstairs.

Turning around, I covered my nose and mouth with one arm as I examined the contents of the closet. Inside I could see two corpses that at one point, I'm sure, used to be female. One of them was a redhead and had her skeletal, decomposing arm around a blonde who was cuddled in tight to her. Tight enough that they were starting to fuse together as they rotted. My eyes surveyed them for a moment and a small detail presented itself. Each skull had a large hole in it and there was a fair amount of blood mixed in with the body slime on Red's scrubs. Looking closer, I saw a gun still clutched in Red's hand.

Noticing the gun, a short film played in my head of the two nurses, who took cover when the shit hit the fan. They probably were in there for a couple days. The place was still probably crawling with the living dead. So Red killed her friend and then, while still embracing her, went to join her. The mental movie ended and I suddenly didn't see two dead nurses. Didn't smell them. I saw Ana, laying against a wall with a hole in her head and a protective arm wrapped around Rat. A tear formed in my eye.

These two had probably gone in there hoping to ride it out. They probably had the same thoughts I did when it all started. The nightmare has to end sometime. Help has to be on the way. It will all be over soon. I can escape. The truth wasn't as nice. The nightmare was never going to end. No help is coming. It will never be over. There is no escape. There it was. A sudden moment of clarity. The truth hidden amongst two cadavers. Rat and Ana looked to me, they were following me because I told them I could get them out but in the long run, all that's going to happen is we're all going to die. We were beyond hope.

I became lost in the mess, replaying my time in this nightmare. All the people I came across and saw fall. Venus and Juno were surprised around day three. Day four I met a guy named Bruce who ran toward a horde alone. I had various encounters with others but the same thing happened. They died and I walked away. I would not walk away from Rat and Ana. Or Emily.

I was jerked out of my trance by a racket beside me, looking over, I saw the biker pushing himself up and starting to run away. I bolted up, charged and tackled him to the ground. He coughed as the wind left his lungs. Acting fast, I wrapped an arm around his throat and held him in a sleeper hold. I kept my arm around his throat until he stopped squirming, Until I felt his breathing slow down. Once I released it, I stood, dragged him to the closet and sat him in it next to the nurses.

“Sorry about this, ladies,” I said. “I'm so sorry.” Closing the door, I grabbed my weapon and looked up for a moment before marching off to find a stairwell. Even though all hope was gone, I wasn't going to go down without a fight. Once I found a stairwell, I marched slowly up them, readying my mace to strike anything that came across my path.

At the top of the stairs, I saw a couple of shufflers with their brain matter staining the floor. I stepped over them and heard another round of gunfire. Cautiously I made my way down the halls, being sure to carefully peer around every corner. After a couple minutes, I heard more shots. This time quite close by. Peering around the nearest corner, I saw a handful of bikers firing in vain at a figure in a gray hoodie. Subject L.

How the fuck did he get here and why? Was he following us? Tracking us like animals? And if he was fixated on me and the girls, why was he up here?

“Why won't he die?” one of the biker's shouted as he emptied a shotgun into L's chest. Crouching down, I moved around the corner and started sneaking behind the fiend. Once I was within a proper distance, I rose and swung the mace down. Before it could hit, L spun, grabbed the steel with one hand and my shirt with the other and tossed me into the thugs, my weapon staying in his grasp. The contact was more painful than it should have and I was sure a couple of us had at least one broken rib from it. I coughed as a burning sensation filled my chest. Slowly, I pushed myself up to look at him.

“What're you doing here? Why are you following us?”

“Well, I ran into a friend of yours and I simply had to bring her here to see you. In fact, she should be visiting the girl's as we speak.”

“How did you get here? How did you find us so fast?”

“It's easy when you're not human,” he said with a sly smile. “Now why don't you go say hello.”

“No, I...”

“Down,” he burst in, pointing at me.

Suddenly the ground beneath me gave way and I fell along with the bikers, down to the ground floor. I felt a couple bones crack and the wind was sufficiently forced out of me. Luckily, I landed on the others. For a very long moment, I simply laid on the pile of flesh beneath me. I managed to push myself up and get to my feet. My whole body ached, hopefully some of it would be numbed down when my new pills kicked in fully. Giving a solitary look to the bikers, I saw that they hadn't survived. Clutching my ribs, I limped through the hall, heading toward surgery. I had to hurry. Whatever, L had unleashed, it wouldn't be good.

Reaching the area where the girls where, I saw both of them lying on the ground, unconscious. My eyes widened as I saw who was standing over them. Her physical features were deformed and different. There wasn't any flesh, just black and scaly skin, yellow eyes with slitted pupils. Yet there was the familiarity about her foreign features. And the name on the back of her leather jacket spelled out her identity clearly. Kobra.

She turned and stared at me. “Ready to die, Silver?”

***************

How does our hero respond? Talk? Fight? Try to lure her away? Try to check the girls? How does he survive?
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2012 5:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

WUAAAAAH!!! That was AWESOME!!! the moment of clarity, Kobra's return, it was just AWESOME!!!

Geez, that DP though. XD ima say he tries to talk to her first. sort of delay her until he can get a handle on the situation, you know?

LOVED it Biz!! it's been far too long on this one! Very Happy
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2012 7:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Love that a former ally is now a danger. It underscores the running theme of people being more dangerous to each other than the zombies. This thing seems lucid, though. He should try and figure out what exactly she is.

Also, I'm not sure he isn't still hallucinating.
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 9:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Biz!


Great new chappie and what a turn of events! The return on Kobra, the thought-to-be-dead ally. XD I have to say, I'm curious as to why she's now on the side of her friend's enemies, and also as to how she came by such a transformation. Something to do with Subject L, clearly. Wink

Some very vivid description in this chappie too, especially the part where the corpses of the two women are found in the cupboard. Very well done! Smile


I found a few things...


Quote:
With quick reflexes, I jumped back, dropped the mace and grabbed his arm as the hit missed. Not wanting to give him a moment to comprehend the situation and squirm away, I grabbed tight to the limb and used it to swing him into the wall. I heard him grunt as he made contact. Moving quickly behind him and grabbed a handful of hair. All of a sudden, I didn't feel completely in control of my actions. I let my rage guide me. My blind anger at this man's very existence. My prey through an elbow back. It caught me in the ribs. It hurt very little. For a biker, he wasn't that tough. Probably a new initiate. A predatory grin appeared on my lips and I slammed his skull into the wall. His body went partially limp and I repeated the action which caused him to cease attempting to stay standing. Letting go, I watched him crumble to the ground.


There are a few things in this paragraph. Firstly, the sentence in red. There needs to be a bit of rearrangement here, as it reads like it's part of a larger sentence. Either it needs to be added on to the prior sentence, or 'moving' will have to be changed to 'I moved' or 'Moving quickly behind him, I grabbed a handful of hair'.

The sentence highlighted in green is pretty much the same. It reads like there should be more to it. Considering that the paragraph itself is made up of a lot of very short, sharp sentences, I personally think it would be beneficial for this one to be added on to the previous one, to make one that is a little longer, just so it doesn't seem a little piecey.

I let my rage guide me, finding myself blinded by my anger at this man's very existence.

The part in blue needs to be 'threw'.

The part in marked in yellow isn't a mistake/wrong exactly, but it is an example of where too many short, sharp sentences all together can be a little jarring. I think they could be combined into two sentences rather than four and it would read better for it.

It caught me in the ribs, hurting very little. For a biker, he didn't seem all that tough, and I figured he was probably a new initiate.


Quote:
Slowly moving away from him, he finished his trip to the floor and I saw blood coming from his nose too.


I wasn't entirely sure about this part, though upon discussing it with someone else, we agreed that it needed a little added to it. Though one knows when reading that the one moving away at the beginning of the sentence is the protagonist, it sounds a little disjointed from him, because it's not actually acknowledged that it is him.

As I Slowly moved away from him, he finished his trip to the floor and I saw blood coming from his nose too.

I was slowly moving away from him as he finished his trip to the floor, blood coming from his nose.

These both fix that problem, though I cannot take the credit for the latter version myself. Wink


For the dp, I'm going to say that, considering that that girls are in danger of Kobra's wrath too, Silver shouldn't be too rash. Though talking may not do any good, considering Kobra's changed state, I think he should at least try. I think that any other reaction is going to get himself, Ana and Rat killed. After all, it's not just Kobra we're dealing with here. Subject L is on her side too, and is nearby.


Much enjoyed Biz! Keep up the good work! Smile

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 10:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice one, biz! Despite having no time to even eat these few days, I managed to read this chapter. The plot definitely thickens, in this one.

I think the first order of business is to lead Kobra away from the girls. Then, find out what she is.
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2012 2:24 pm    Post subject: I Think. . . . . . Reply with quote

PURE AWESOMESAUSE! Made me wanna smash some heads while reading it. His feelings in this really work their way into the reader(For me at least) and gives me a really "In Game" feel, y'know? Also, L is as creepy as ever. OH! And Snake Lady! Killer, I love it Razz



As for DP. . . . . . . .Wanna get the girls safe, So I'd go with the circle manuver. Y'know, pretend like yer getting ready for a fight, talk really friendly/thretening like, and move around the room. Sounds like a plan to me!



Keep'em comin' Biz-kun!
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2012 12:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now Polling!
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2012 6:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Voted!
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2012 8:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'll admit that I'm not one for zombie apocalypses. I have never been very interested in the whole concept/franchise. But you have done it, Biz. You have succesfully turned me into a skeptical appreciator. Maybe its because your story has plot and character depth, rather than an endless hit-and-run survival tactic adopted by mindless people that I have no interest in or appreciation for? Yes.

Silver should stay put and try to talk it out with Kobra. If he tries to lead her away to talk, in order to protect Rat/Ana/Emily, whose to say a few shufflers, courtesy of L, won't wander in and have a snack, which puts them in just as much danger as if Kobra is still there?

With that said, I have voted, and I await the next chapter. Keep it up, Biz, you may be able to inflict me with zombocalypse fever yet! Surprised
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 3:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

How does the Hero deal with this situation?

Talk to Kobra to buy some time - 66% [ 4 ]

Lead Kobra away and talk to find out what happened - 16% [ 1 ]

Circle her around the room - 16% [ 1 ]

Total Votes : 6
Who Voted: Andolyn, PaperSwan, PopeAlessandrosXVIII, sagittaeri, Seraphi, Tikanni Corazon

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 10:19 pm    Post subject: Chapter 16: Chats with Kobra Reply with quote

I kept my eyes on Kobra and forced myself to smile through the pain that wracked my form. Every breath I took hurt and burned. Yet I refused to tear my eyes away or lower my smile. I couldn't show any fear. She would be looking for it.

“Heya, Kobra. You're looking pretty good for being dead and all,” I said. “What's your secret?”

The black scales around her mouth moved slightly to form, what I could only guess, was a smile. “Oh, Silver, there is that wit you seemed so intent on displaying when we met. I guess its only fitting that you use it as you die.”

She started to come forward and I took a step back, raising one arm quickly in front of me. The action felt like it was going to rip my arm from its socket. I winced and stared into her cold, yellow eyes.

“Hold up,” I said. “What the fuck has he done to you?”

“L? He resurrected me. Made me whole once again, offered to let me rule the streets of Eternia again. All I have to do is dispose of you three.”

I glanced past her at the unconscious forms of Rat and Ana. The thought of this thing touching either of them again infuriated me. Whatever this thing was, it wasn't Kobra. I only knew her a short amount of time but I had seen enough to know that she would never intentionally harm Ana or Rat. They appeared to be as close as family. As I stared her in the eyes, imagining all the ways that she would harm Rat or Ana, my fury and fear mixed within me and came to a boil. Yet in the mess of that emotion, the only reaction that came from me was a laugh. I don't know why but something about it all just made me laugh.

“What's so funny, Silver?” she asked, stepping even closer. I didn't back up this time. I stayed where I was an laughed a bit louder. After a moment, the hilarity within me died down.

“You are,” I said, “L does a little voodoo magic and manages to turn you into your namesake. Even has you ready to strike on his command. Fucking hysterical.”

She dashes forward and in the blink of an eye, is shooting past me. One of her scaly fists raises me off the ground with an uppercut as she passes and once I hit the ground, I let out a bout of low, painful chuckling.

“Still think this is funny?” she asks, grabbing me by the shirt and picking me up to stare into her yellow, serpent's eyes. A slight his erupts from her as I laugh in her face. “You really should be more afraid, Silver. You are going to die here.”

“So what?” I respond. “Its still so funny that L has enough power to do such twisted shit and he still won't kill me himself. Its always his mindless cretins, like yourself.” I told her. Without hesitation, she slammed her face into mine. There was a small flash in my vision and for a few seconds after, blackness. Yet, once my sense came back, so did my cackling.

“Why won't you just shut up?” she roared, tossing me across the room. With a thud, I hit the ground and rolled a foot or so. The pain it caused became lost in the already immense suffering I felt. Still, I would not stay quiet.
“You know, I was actually impressed when I first met you. The way you walked around like Betty Badass, I thought you were one tough chick. Now, I can tell, you were nothing but a little bitch.” I snapped at her.

There was another blur of motion as I looked up from the ground. Then, I felt a new source of pain in the form of a boot hitting me in the gut and sending me sliding across the floor until I slammed into the wall. This time there was no laughter. I grabbed my gut and tilted my head a bit so a small wave of vomit could erupt from my mouth.

“I am not a little bitch,” she growled. The angry hiss echoed around the room as she stepped in front of me and lifted me up by my hair.

I spit some remaining vomit and some blood into her face and smiled. “Of course you are. You aren't in control. You aren't kicking ass and taking names. Your just doing whatever L wants without thinking about it. You are his bitch.”

She let out a roar of anger and tossed me again. As I hit the ground, I looked over to where Rat and Ana had been. They were both gone. Thank God. The optimist in me hoped that they were gone. But the realist in me knew that they were either hiding or waiting for the right moment to save my ass. I started to push myself up but was stopped by Kobra. She kicked me in the stomach and shoved me to the ground.

“Now would be a perfect time to save my ass,” I called out. Kobra's steps started to move away but were interrupted by the sound of gunfire. After a few shots, she let out a shriek and ran off. Looking up, I saw Ana peeking out from a doorway. I watched as she left and moved cautiously over to me. She started to lift me up and was soon joined by Rat.

“You ok, Leon?” she asked.

I nodded. “Yeah. Just peachy.”

“Can you walk?” she asked.

“I think so,” I told her. Half of the statement was bravado. The rest was the fact that the painkillers were starting to kick in. She let go and even though my body desperately cried out to collapse, I managed to stay on my feet.

“Alright, I'm going to go back and get Emily then we need to go, right fucking now,” Ana said, before starting to walk away.

“No. We are going to settle this. L is probably gone but Kobra needs to be put down again..”

Ana stopped and marched back to me. “Are you insane? She nearly destroyed you and you want round two?”

“If we don't, she'll find us again and with L and my father, I think we have enough issues. Not to mention the thugs trying to take out Emily, Emily herself, and the city full of monsters. We end this.”

She glared at me then to Rat and back at me. “Are you sure about this?”

I wanted to nod. To just go after Kobra and kill her. But I paused. I was afraid. What if next time they didn't survive? I could try to do it alone, let them get away or I could run with them. I looked down the hall, Kobra disappeared down, trying to figure out whether or not to follow.

**************

Fight or Flight? Should he fight solo or with them? Or do they have bigger problems?
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 10:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

AWESOOOOME!!! I WANT MORE!!! lol!

The fight scene was amazing. The flow was perfect & left the reader wanting more.

I definitely agree with Leon here. They need to get rid of the problem in front of them before trying to tackle any others.

Great chapter, Biz!! Can't wait to read more!!
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 3:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Holy crap on a cracker, Biz, that was great! And to think Kobra could kick ass before - now look at her! Too bad she's kicking the wrong ass. XD

Going after Kobra is tempting, very tempting indeed, but I don't think it's the wisest idea. The painkillers Leon took can take away the hurt, but they can't stop the fact that he's a human hacky-sack. So, I say get Emily and regroup at a safer location.

Keep up the awesome work, Biz! Very Happy
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 4:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aaand it's baaack! Very Happy

Thanks biz for posting a new chapter...whatever Kobra is now, she's just creepy. She seems to be doing L's bidding, but she also seems to still have a real personality intact. I wonder how is she being controlled, and if it's possible to break that control.

For DP, I don't see them too overeager to go kill their former friend, plus considering our protagonist is only human, I think it's better to regroup for now.
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 4:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Biz!


Awesome chapter, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The action scene was very well done and didn't feel at all forced, and the fact that it seemed a little shorter than normal didn't detract from the quality at all. Good work!


Found a few things...


Quote:
The thought of this thing touching either of them again infuriated me. Whatever this thing was, it wasn't Kobra.


I would change the red section to 'it', as the double usage of 'this thing' in such close quarters is a little jarring.

Quote:
I stayed where I was an laughed a bit louder.


And

Quote:
She dashes forward and in the blink of an eye, is shooting past me. One of her scaly fists raises me off the ground with an uppercut as she passes and once I hit the ground, I let out a bout of low, painful chuckling. 

“Still think this is funny?” she asks, grabbing me by the shirt and picking me up to stare into her yellow, serpent's eyes. A slight his erupts from her as I laugh in her face. “You really should be more afraid, Silver. You are going to die here.” 


These couple of paragraphs are in present tense, while the rest of the chapter is in past tense, so a few things need to be tweaked here.

Quote:
I spit some remaining vomit and some blood into her face and smiled. 


Spat

Quote:
They were both gone. Thank God. The optimist in me hoped that they were gone.


For the sake of flow, I would suggest changing this first 'gone'. Possibly joining this sentence to the preceding one, to make...

As I hit the ground, I looked over to where Rat and Ana had been and saw that they'd both disappeared.

Or keep it as two and make the same change.


As for the DP, I'm with Seraphi. This whole area seems to be very much on the enemy's terms, and I think that, though we do need to make a stand at some point, we need to find somewhere that's less against us first. Plus, I don't think Leon is really in the best knick to be doing more fighting. Grab Emily and get the hell out of there, and find another more sensible spot to make our stand!


Much enjoyed, Biz! Keep up the good work!

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2013 9:32 am    Post subject: I Think. . . . . . Reply with quote

Wonderful, wonderful, and again, amazing. I love this story. The characters are so "real" and the flow is impecable. The fight was interesting, and I love his approach to it. "Hmmm, maybe if I laugh enough and take enough hits, it'll all work out" Heheheheheh. But I digress, again, a great chapter Biz-kun!


For the Dp. . . . . . I would almost say it's stronghold time, but with one of these bad guys, I don't think nailing oneself into anyplace is a good idea. Since we gots biker gangs and such, I think it's best to keep mobile. I'd say, find something, buss, large van, truck. Get it up and running and use it as a kinda mobile base. That way you've got protection and you're not trapped in one place with it. Also, you'll have a place to patch up our poor "hero". That's what I think Razz


Give us more Biz-kun! Moooooore!
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