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The Color of Sound ((CHAPTER 10))
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PostPosted: Fri May 13, 2011 8:43 pm    Post subject: The Color of Sound ((CHAPTER 10)) Reply with quote

"It takes a special person to work there," I've often heard it said. Does it really though? Does it take a specific type of person to play with a sick child? Is there criteria for the person who can wipe away tears and bring smiles in their places? I'd say not...not for me anyway. For me, this place is a little corner of Heaven. For me, these children are my own. Sometimes one is called Home before what we earthly beings would deem to be their time, but isn't that rather selfish of us? Would we rather them stay here to suffer the illnesses that have ravaged their tiny bodies? Or a worse yet fate, that they live to face all the evils the world has to throw at them? Life is a precious thing, there is no denying that. We want to see our children grow and have lives of their own, but given the choice of Heaven or Earth...who wouldn't choose the former?

So for me, this is a happy place. One where someone like me can do some genuine good to help those who are most in need of a little brighter lining to their days. It is difficult to see them suffer so, but what better job could there be than to be able to be the one to ease their pain--even if it's only for a little while?

Here. At the medical center, that is my job. My place. My purpose. It is here that I use my Gift to give these children whatever wild fantasies can pop from the imaginations that have far outgrown the bodies. My Gift that brings out the most colorful laughter--the most beautiful sound you've ever seen. My Gift.

Yes. I am one of The Gifted. That's the politically correct label that's been slapped on the face of all the weirdos like me. Those of us born with special abilities. Some are Gifted with levitation, others with mind control, others yet with seemingly silly things like becoming liquid or turning into a potted plant. For most, ((with perhaps the exception of potted plant man)) the Gifts were a thing of pride. Those with particularly fantastic or useful gifts are instantly moved into the height of society. I guess it's better that way...we could have been rejected by society instead...

Me? Well, I'm the freak of freaks. Not only was I born Gifted, I was lucky enough to be born deaf. Along with that, I have not one, but two Gifts. One is useful for cheap tricks and to amuse children. The other is my for myself only--perhaps my body's way of compensating for my lack of hearing. Let's not get ahead of ourselves though.

Firstly, I draw things to life. Sounds sort of fun, huh? Yeah...it would...until you start to doodle in your college classes and your random ideas begin running around the classroom...That happens to be frowned upon. No hiding the lack of attention span there. The children, however, love my Gift. Little girl wants a glittery, rainbow unicorn? Done. Boy wants a dragon that breathes fire that doesn't hurt? You got it! I lost count of the hours I've spent here at the Center drawing and laughing. It makes the days go by much faster.

My other Gift? Well that's one that only I can see. It's a shame, really, because if everyone could see what I see, no one would ever speak...they'd all be too blown away just by what happens when they open their eyes. You see, I see sound. Every voice, every drop of rain, every car that goes by, each has it's own color and pattern. It travels in waves emanating from the source and bouncing off every object it touches. Some things make brighter, more vibrant colors than others, and the laughter of children...well, there's no comparison.

That's what made me decide to follow my current career path. I want to be a children's nurse. Most would call this a lowly profession for a Gifted, but what could be more noble than caring for those who need it most?

These are the thoughts that ran through my head as I walked home from the Center on a warm, summer day. The sun felt hot on my pale skin, but I reveled in the feel of it. Perhaps today would be the day. The day when I would hear from one of the seemingly thousands of Nursing Programs I had applied to. After two years of prerequisites at a community college, I was more than ready to move on with my big plans. With trembling hands, I reached for the mailbox. The sound of the screeching metal on metal made a nasty grey, zigzag pattern that made me cringe.

To my surprise, as I shuffled quickly through the pile of bills and letters from family, I found that two of the schools for which I had applied had sent a response on this happy day. But now I was faced with a tough decision.

One of the letters was from Kingston Crown--a college specifically designed for The Gifted, and the other was an average, normal school for normal people. Both were very close to my little apartment, and both had very good programs and nice facilities. The difference? The classmates, of course. The program at Kingston Crown would be significantly smaller as--as I already pointed out--Nursing was not exactly a career that was high on the list for Gifteds. This would mean smaller, more intimate classes with people like me. Warren, on the other hand, was larger, giving me opportunity to see much more, and it would be where normal people were going. Here, I could start over as a normal girl, not as a Gifted.

What should I do?


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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2011 1:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Looks like you changed the whole DP and the story...

The opening lines, and nursing sick children made me think of Mother Teresa (Only a slight connection though). Nicely written anyway. Also as a side note, if "Gifted" is a politically correct term, then the others shouldn't be referred to as "normal". This would indierectly mean that the "gifted" are abnormal. Actually, something similar caused a uproar over here, and I did find it silly, but I'm just saying Wink

I would go with the place for "normal" people. Its always better to have a wider view of things. Try getting into the society as much as you can. Also find out if you can draw stuff that don't come to life immediately. That'd be cool Very Happy
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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2011 1:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow. Your re-write is way more engaging and personal. And the DP is actually quite good! Overall, I'd rather go to a place where I can communicate with my classmates on equal footing and create lasting bonds. I wouldn't want to feel left out or like an outcast no matter how great the programs are in the so called 'normal' school.
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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2011 4:41 am    Post subject: I think..... Reply with quote

Hmmmmmmmmmmm..................I can't say I enjoy the complete change from one story to another here. Oki, so maybe it's the same story, but it's veryu jarring to go from the mousy girl in the back of a classroom, to the bright hopeful happy girl on her way to a "Bright" future....I kinda liked it the other way...BUT! Anyway.

Interesting, indeed. It's laking taking somthing mentiond before and re-wraping around that rather than a complete scrapping. I like the visual sounds idea, kinda like visual flavors from Ratattolli Razz

I only see a one way or another DP here, so I'ma go left feild on you. *Evil Grin* Decide to remain a free uneducated gifted, traveling the world helping children smile. Forget school and run!

Nice wrting, keep it up.
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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2011 9:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

thanks guys! and yes, I'm liking this direction much more. Dont worry, Pope, she's still that same girl. She's just more open with herself than she is with others...we are inside her head now. Wink as for the politically correctness, you could say it's my own was of satiring the whole concept...i really hate it. if you think about it, all "politically correct" labels are ridiculous. Take "african-american" for example. are all black people from Africa? are all of them even of African descent? no. how about Jamaican people or Haitians? anyway...stepping off my soap box. haha! i'm really excited to see where this goes now. =)
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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2011 7:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Interesting rework. Clever way to ease us into the romantic aspect. I would think if she wants to head towards the nursing she might want to go in the direction of the larger of the two uni's.
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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2011 8:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This IS the first time Im reading it.... And its amazing.

Im just wondering.. The character is obviously a Synesthete... Just to know more about the character, Does he see only sounds as colors or numbers as well?!

Right now I think (s)he should got to Kingston. Might be more useful since it IS specially designed for him/her.
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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2011 8:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

she only sees the colors. =) and thank you!
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PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 12:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i'm going to go ahead and poll this one, since there are really only two major options...and running off to be a traveling Mother Teresa...LOL!!
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PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 6:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Actually, Mother Teresa wasn't a suggestion. She just reminded me of her. I still don't know why Razz
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PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 9:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

nice polling turnout so far (but my preffered option is losing Sad ) Razz
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PostPosted: Wed May 18, 2011 5:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A very good start. I did get thrown by the initial replies to this thread, and then I realised I'd come in after the rewrite. Anyway, I've voted, and for the most unexpected option.

I see it's all looking very close though...
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PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2011 9:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The main building of Kingston Crown loomed over my head. Everywhere, there were Gifteds showing off their powers--especially the new comers. Best to make good impressions right off the bat. I rolled my eyes, pausing for a brief moment to look at the paper in my hands. "Developmental Psychology--Marshall Hall, Room 707."

Looks like I'm heading in the right direction, I thought as I tried to interpret the directional signs around me. The grounds of Kingston were breathtaking. Lush gardens accented with glorious fountains spot the entirety of the outdoor areas of the campus. I knew I was going to make use of these places...

Suddenly, I tripped over what I was certain was a branch from the tree I was walking by...that is, until I saw the burst of color signifying a shout from over to my right. I looked down to see what exactly it was I'd fallen over, and had to stifle a startled cry myself when I saw a green hand and wrist laying next to my foot.

I wasn't given much time to process the scene however as soon a young man with skin matching the hand came trotting around the tree. He was clad completely in black, showing off what I was sure was a very darkened taste. His hair was jet black, leaving only the curiously green tinted skin looking abnormal. Looking at his eyes though, I could see other differences. The deep red of his eyes held a world of pain that was masked by the playful, almost apologetic smile that hung on his stitched lips. Pain that one of his age should never have known.

"Sorry, about that," he said, his face turning a bright crimson color. His sound waves were a deep black with tinges of red throughout the pattern, "I've been looking everywhere for that...danged jocks decided it'd be funny to use that instead of a football for practice today. I never know where I'll end up when that happens...sometimes finding myself takes more time than others."

Looking at the young man's arm, it was easy to see where the wrist had cleanly detached in a wound that would have surely killed any normal person. I can only imagine what my expression must have looked like, but the young man was quick to apologize for any offense.

"I'm sorry," he fumbled, laughing nervously, "I know that's no way to meet someone...tripping over one of their body parts...it's the unfortunate reality of possessing zombie qualities, though. I heal extremely quickly, but i manage to fall apart at the slightest stress..."

"It's alright," I assured him as I pick up his dislodged hand. I gently dusted away the dirt before handing it back to him like I'd hand someone a book. He seemed surprised by my nonchalant acceptance of his oddities. I'm not exactly the elite of the Gifted either, and I'm certainly too odd to be a "Normal", so I think we'll make a good pair.

Putting the detached hand beneath his arm, he extended the other one in greeting, "Hi, I'm Mike, it's nice to meet--dangit."

The other hand was now in my own. I couldn't stop myself. The horrified, embarrassed look on the young man's face didn't help at all. I began to laugh like I hadn't laughed in a long time.

I had spent so long in my safe, little, silent bubble that I had almost forgotten how to have a friend, but in the two minutes I'd known him, Mike had managed to burst in and become just the friend I have needed for so long.

I laughed until I felt tears streaming down my face, and then laughed some more. It's then that Mike began to laugh with me. It seemed as though he too, hadn't experienced true laughter in quite awhile. Perhaps this friendship wouldn't be one sided. Perhaps I'd found someone who would see me for what I can do, instead of stopping at the burden of what they think I can't. Maybe to Mike, I won't be a charity case...and maybe, just maybe, I can help him in return.

"C'mon," I said, still giggling, "Surely the office will have some tape or something to hold you together until your skin reconnects..."

****
Where do we go from here? this DP is free reign. you all decide.


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PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2011 9:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Go to the office and get the poor lad some duct tape. Then maybe chill with him to see that he doesn't continue falling apart.
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PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2011 10:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lovely chapter here An! The character introduction was classic - yet greatly enhanced by Mike's... er... peculiarity. It's always good to establish these sorts of friendships in a tale of this nature and it was perfectly timed. The laughter was quite endearing, and the note of the pain in his eyes - emotional pain from living life as the man he is - certainly sets him up to become a very close friend. Someone like he would need one (but I can see some serious pitfalls in the future here for the same reasons! Wonderful plot working indeed...)

Anyhow, as for the DP, what options do we have here? She's already stated where they're headed. So when you ask, where to from here, what are you asking exactly?
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PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2011 10:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you, T! and you can do whatever you'd like. they can go where she suggests, he can refuse, he can suggest they do something else, they can be on their way and get interrupted, there are many options. =)
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PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2011 10:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great chapter there!!

Slightly funny, and very enjoyable.

Also, I too have no idea what the DP is, and how it'll affect the story in any way. So yeah, What exactly do ou want. If its a very free DP, then I'd suggest let him go back to practice football or whatever. Looks like this has happened before. That guy can come back to us if he wants to.
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PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2011 12:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ROFL!

Amazing chapter...beautifully written. Im guessing that she should indeed go for the tape...

Not much to suggest though.... Wink
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PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2011 8:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok... I got the impression, as D mentioned, that this sort of thing is a pretty constant ongoing issue for him and he's too proud to use 'tape' or anything of that nature (otherwise he would go around taped up his whole life)

So I believe he'd insist its not going to help to see the nurses... they usher him out every time he steps foot in there anyhow - then spray the whole place down with disinfectant, even though they really don't need to.

Instead, he offers to show her around campus. He doesn't really have any friends I think, so he's not trying to introduce her to any ONE but does want to take her to see some of his projects he's had going on at this school - unless he's just new, in which case, they're exploring it together.

This gives us, as readers, a chance to get more general info on the school site, the background of our tale, and it gives the characters a full chance to bond and get to know each other and share some of their backgrounds.
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PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2011 8:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, I F5 T-bird.
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PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2011 8:57 am    Post subject: I Think...... Reply with quote

Hah! lurvz it! Quite the epic way to meet someone.

The new character, and his "gift" seem quite original, and I like that. I can see many a fun occassion to use said gift...*Lets mind wander around the gutter for a time before pulling it back* Anyway! *Blushes* A good second chapter. Short, but sweet!

Pokes, Again, seemed a little short, but that's fine, lesee...A little note on the wording. If his pain is so easly hidden by the smile, how does she see it? I know she sees sound, but I didn't think she could see emotions too. Just a little thing there that some re-wording could fix.

Other than that, good one!

DP: Have the hottest girl in school he has a crush on walk by and have him literaly fall to pieces so our heroin has to cary him to the nurse. Or put him back together herself! Now TAHT'D be funny. Have her have to put him ALL back together!

More more mores!
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PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2011 9:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

BAHAHAHA!!! TBird and Pope, i LOVE your ideas!! see, THIS is why i left it an open DP. =)
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PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2011 7:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

TBird's Idea would move ths story forward in a nice way..

Pope's idea would mean that this has to be moved to the humor house Razz LOL
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PostPosted: Sun May 22, 2011 1:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

'Mike' is certainly my kind of guy. I take it he's not really undead so much as his body maintains itself as if he is one? Does he heal as quickly as he falls apart I wonder? It could be useful when going on long flights to stuff one's self into a suitcase to avoid airfares. Does he have that rot smell about him or does he manage to contain it somehow? (I assume it would be that he could or she wouldn't be laughing about now.)

I suggest that she stops herself, remembering that she has a small first aid pack with her at all times, pulls out a needle and thread and begins sewing him up under a tree in the park. This gives them a chance to get to know each other better too.

He seems like he will be a very important tragic figure in your romance story. Tragedy is always good to blend in with these kinds of things.

And I must admit. You and Mr. Biz were right. This isn't the standard fare of romance so it is good. Your main character reminds me of the deaf girl in Heroes. I liked that character but the deaf part needed to go which you did here. You also gave her some unique traits to counter the fact that she was reminiscent of the other character. And that was good too.

But I think she needs more history. For any love story there are always ones that came before that slant the opinions and impressions of the characters in it. And she can give us some of that, as can Mike, as they discuss things in the park.
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PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2011 1:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Gonna Poll now!!
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PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2011 3:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is looking great, Andolyn! That first chapter is absolutely fabulous! Such wonderful writing and idea!

Voted, and looking forward to the next one! Smile

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PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2011 12:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Voted for the hot girl. Can't make this easy for them, and I want to see how the comedy element gets introduced.
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PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 8:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

We're still polling?!
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PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 9:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i've just been very busy & havent been able to get a new chappie up. apologies Vishal! haha a new one should be up in the next day or two.

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PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 9:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was funny, and I'm glad I caught it before the next chapter is put in. Voted, but haven't changed the outcome.

Good going!

Very Happy
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PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 7:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey.. no need to apologize! Take your time. Smile
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PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 8:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

it's going up tonight! i should be done here in about 30 minutes. also, i've not forgotten your PM. i'm still brainstorming some ideas for that.
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PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 8:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good. I was just too polite to ask Whistle
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PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 9:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"Eh, it's ok." Mike shrugged nonchalantly. "This sort of thing happens all the time." His face turned slightly sheepish. "Besides, the nurses seem to think I'm diseased or something. They just shove me out of the office and Lysol the place to death."

I stopped in my tracks and raised an eyebrow. I almost giggled at my new friend's humor...until I saw by the look on his face that he was only half kidding. Instead, I smiled as warmly as I possibly could.

"Well then, why don't we explore the campus? It's my first day here, and I haven't had a chance to see much yet."

Mimicking my smile, Mike nodded.

"I can show you a few of my favorite haunts if you like," he said with a stitched grin.

At that moment though, I watched as Mike's face went from that happy smile to a look resembling rage. He began trembling all over. I could see sound waves that were an ugly puke orange coming from behind me. When I turned, I saw several guys in football uniforms chuckling in a circle. I assumed this is the same bunch that set up my meeting with Mike. I then saw what had angered Mike so.

The group was blatantly examining my body while the leader stepped up. Despite the fact that I was modestly dressed in a tshirt and blue jeans, I felt the need to further cover myself.

"Hey, Kitten," his filthy sound waves flooded the air surrounding me. "You must be new around here. I haven't gotten a taste of you yet..."

I could almost feel the waves of anger hitting my back as I turned to see Mike spewing death threats and profanity at the vulgar boy.

When I saw that the boy was talking again, I turned. "You should leave that worthless piece of trash, and come with us if you really want to have a good time. Anyone seen associating with him is automatically trash too."

Mike fell silent as I put on the most seductive walk I could and sauntered up to the jock and his buddies. I smiled and flipped my curtain of blonde curls over my shoulder...before I landed a hard right directly on the jock's jaw.

"Before you talk about trash again, you might want to check out a mirror," I spat before stepping back. Angrily, the vulgar boy stood again, ready to take me on, but then he looked frightened and started backing away with his mob in tow. "Weird..." I muttered, but when I turned around, I saw why they left.

A tall, thin young man with jet black hair and electric blue eyes was standing silently over Mike with a glare that would freeze the soul.

Mike, on the other hand, was now a pile of body parts lying in the grass, still shouting insults.

"You'd better be glad my foot's over there under that tree or I'd shove it up your-"

"Mike!" I was concerned, but I couldn't help the laugh that burst from me at his pitiful state. "Did it really bother you that bad??" I leaned down and picked up his head. Mike looks away.

"I didn't like the way they looked at you," his eyes found the ground beside me. It was then that I remembered the silent man who'd saved the day. I looked up, and he was still standing over us, watching for any other trouble.

"Thank you," I managed, blushing madly. He only nodded respectfully with a kind smile.

"Yeah, thanks, Julian." Mike's stitched smile half returned. "But I could have taken them." Julian nodded again, suddenly tossing something in my direction. I caught the roll of duct tape in my left hand as Julian disappeared. "Thats Julian...he's a good guy. Quiet. Keeps to himself most of the time, but he's always been good to me."

I stared at the spot where Julian had been thoughtfully. Julian...I hope I actually get to meet you one day. I looked at the duct tape in my hand.

"Well, lets get you put back together then, shall we?" I laughed.

"You really must be a good person if you're willing to tape me back together the first time we meet," Mike responded playfully.

"Hey, you fell apart for me," I retorted slyly, "so what does that make you?" Mike didn't say anything, but I could see that the idea of himself that he kept in his own mind was anything but a "good person".

I started the long process by attaching his head to his neck then pulling Mike's torso and his waist--separated just above the belly button--together and taping all around.

"Watch it! That tickles!" he laughed.

"Quit your complaining or I'll leave you here in the grass. You'll eventually come together again, right?" my threat was empty, and he knew it, so we both laughed again.

I found the left shoulder and taped it, followed by the elbow and his left hand. Now that one arm was back together, he was able to sit up and help me by holding the parts together while I taped. As we sat, we found ourselves in casual conversation.

"So...is it too soon to ask you a personal question?" Mike ventured.

"I'm duct taping your body back together...I think we passed personal questions awhile back." I laughed. He laughed too, but it was a dark, thoughtful one.

"H-Have you always been...deaf?" he choked. I was slightly taken off guard by the question. It wasn't that I had never been asked before. Quite the contrary really. A lot of people were curious. Rather, it was the way he asked...and the fact that I hadn't told him I was deaf...yet somehow he knew. His wasn't the typical tone with the blatant discomfort at asking about a disability. No traces of pity. Just curiosity...plain, simple desire to know.

"No." This wasn't the first time I've told the story before either, but something about telling him made the sadness of the memory resurface. I didn't feel the need to hide my pain from Mike. His blind friendship demanded utter truth. "I could hear until I was seven years old." I could see my own pain reflecting in his crimson eyes.

"You don't have to tell me..."

"It's alright," I promised him. "There was a car crash...It was raining that night, and dad was in a hurry. He ran a red light. It was a hummer vs. our little Honda Civic. It hit the back seat where I was sitting. I was about two inches away from being crushed to death. The doctors said it was the sound of the impact that destroyed my eardrums. They said my family didn't feel any pain. That they-"

"Shh," Mike was wiping away the tears I didn't feel on my cheeks. "You can tell me the rest some other time, ok?" I nodded and allowed myself to be pulled into an awkward seated hug. It was there that for the first time since I was a little girl, I let myself go. Every tear that has been suppressed since I became an orphan, since my life of being shuffled through the system began, came bursting out on this man I had just met. This man who cared about me. This man who was now my best friend.

When I finally regained my composure, the sun was starting to set over the massive bell tower of the main building. I sat up and looked at Mike with bloodshot eyes. I found that his were misty as well.

"Hey, how about we go grab a snack or something?"

"Sounds good to me," I laughed, wiping my face. "Where should we go?"

"Well, there's a bar & grill if you want a drink too, we could hit a fast food joint..." he thought for a moment. "There's always the campus coffee house..."

*******
Where are we going? Should we ask how he knows we're deaf?


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PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 11:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Amazing chapter. I'm starting to quite like this Mike fellow Wink

I say head to the bar and grill and yes...ask him. He doesn't seem the type to mind.
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PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 11:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Definitely ask him how he knows...

And how come we didnt know?! :O
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 8:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just wondering, how exactly is Mike falling apart? Is he properly rotting (because you'd need to be fairly rotted for your skeleton to not suffice to keep you together) or is he kind of just... made of separate bits? [/scientific curiosity]

Definitely ask him. And I say coffee house - she just doesn't seem the type for a fast food place, and I imagine the sort of genteel, intellectual chatter that might permeate a coffee house would look much nicer than a bar and grill.
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 8:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

he just falls apart. haha no rotting, just...comes apart. he was born that way. it's the world where there are Gifteds. just roll with it. haha!
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 6:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thats why its called fiction, lol!

But I do agree with what Whitey said, Coffee house and definitely ask him how he found out we were deaf. Also ask him about this Mike guy. He's just too cool for me to ignore Smile
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 6:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

teehee...as he should be. Wink
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 8:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have a hard time just going with it too... logical mind needs rationalization! lol
Perhaps he fits together like a lego guy or an action figure? Makes you wonder about the rest of the anatomy don't it? (keep the tip)

Anyhow, um... I read this yesterday, loved it, and could simply not reply due to my internet getting stuck in all attempts to get this reply post page up. Sorry for that. And I was kinda thinking the coffee shop too.
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 11:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pizza is always a good snack for those mid-day hungries. Especially if there's a joint that sells it by the slice. This guy would make a good source of ammo for someone who can throw things super well. I like him. I think I said that last time.

I noticed you didn't put my suggestion in the poll. That's fine. But then you went and made her deaf. Ugh. I suppose she's a functional deaf, so that's good. Perhaps you had that in mind already and my saying it was good you didn't offended you? If so I am sorry. I really don't mean to be offensive. It tends to be my 'aura' I suppose.

I'm still liking this. I wonder - do those bullies, being members of this school, have any powers too?
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 02, 2011 9:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

so sorry Bio!! i totally missed your suggestion somehow. you didnt offend me at all! haha i just missed it.

as for her deafness, if you go back to the beginning, she's been deaf the whole time...not sure how everyone missed that... but she reads lips and uses the colors to know who she needs to look at, so yes, she's a very functional deaf. which is why she keeps her "disability" to herself. Mike is just especially perceptive. Wink

i do love pizza. haha! and your ammo suggestion could be a source of future action/humor. haha!

Kingston Crown is a Gifted school, so i'd guess they do...we just havent seen them yet.
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 02, 2011 9:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thunder...hmm...i'm trying to think of a way for this to work for your "rational minds" haha! in my head it just works. hahaha!!

Mike is completely whole when he isnt under stress. he just has the appearance of a zombie type creature...minus the blood and rotting. when his body is under stress, however, the joints just separate. his skin/muscle/fat cells separate with them. try not to think of a normal, real body part. you've seen the plastic hands where the end of it is just flat? it's like that. after the stressor is gone, though, his body can fuze back together.

did that help at all?
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 02, 2011 10:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Andolyn wrote:
he just has the appearance of a zombie type creature...minus the blood and rotting.


Laughing And how, precisely, is the appearance of a zombie type creature separated from the blood and rotting aspect? Would that not be... a normal human being?
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 02, 2011 12:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

no, dear...dang, you guys are really picking my poor character to pieces!

ok. he's green. has red eyes. black hair. and for one reason or other, he falls apart.

do i need to continue running around about Mike or can we go on with the story?
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 02, 2011 1:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

yes...pleas stop picking the character to death...in the universe of the story...the physics of his anatomy makes perfect sense. and his falling apart isn't vital to the story...so, please...can't we all just...let it go...
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 02, 2011 3:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with the above. Mike's condition is of no consequence to the dp, and the story is still very much in its early stages. Given time, the character can grow, and we might find a little bit more out about him, which is how it goes with most stories. A character will gain more depth, reason, and purpose as the story expands. We're already finding more out about the lead, , and likeliness is Mike will be the same.

As for myself, I'm enjoying it. It's a very different take on a romance, it seems. Certainly not what I was expecting upon first reading it. Wink And I have absolute faith that we will discover more about Mike's condition as time goes on. He's hardly going to just blurt it out immediately upon meeting her, especially since most of the time was taken up patching him up, and in the middle of a potential fight.

DP time - Go to the coffee house. At least people will be aware of Mikes condition, and won't be overly nosey.

Keep up the good work An!

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 02, 2011 7:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I found your answer quite sufficient actually - though I, too , felt Whitey's question was engendered by the comment quoted. This is not to pick you or your character apart but a form of feedback that lets you know where the reader's mind might be on these matters - scrambling for such rationale. When the mind is left looking for answers to these things, it does detract from the core of the story and become a distraction (for me anyhow, which is why I pressed for an answer.)

Nevertheless, as you explained it, it made total sense, and suggests that he can take a lot of damage too, extremely regenerative - a hidden benefit of what appears at first to be a detracting 'ability' as he literally falls to pieces over the slightest of things. If he can learn to harness his nerves, he may find it quite useful. And I think this is a big part of what we were looking for - the silver lining in his impediment.

But yeah, I can also understand you may have felt a bit hounded there - sorry for that.
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 02, 2011 7:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

that's quite alright, T. you werent chasing me around in circles with it after i'd given my answer. lol! i was happy to answer...but once i gave an answer, there was no point in going around & around about it.

guess it's time for a poll!
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 05, 2011 7:49 pm    Post subject: Chapter 4 Reply with quote

I hadn’t laughed that much in a long time. Mike’s antics and his dark sense of humor kept a smile on my face while we munched on pastries and I sipped my white mocha latte. Mike hated coffee, but he went with my choice of snack places, so he happily drank the Coke he smuggled in. I sort of felt bad for going somewhere he didn’t particularly like, but he wouldn’t hear of doing otherwise.

Other than the obvious, the reason I truly love coffee shops is the atmosphere. The colors that come from such a place are generally mild and serene. Everyone speaks quietly, and no one is overly excited…with the exception, perhaps, of Mike and me. We were laughing and cutting up like the oldest of friends.

In the midst of our conversation, from behind me, I saw a thin, pink stream of waves. I knew that color. Turning, I saw one of my kids from the clinic running full speed in my direction. This is quite an accomplishment seeing as how she’d recently finished her third round of chemotherapy. Without hesitation, the little girl leapt into my arms. Her mother started to scold her, then realized it was me and went on with ordering her coffee, smiling.

“Hi, Ms. Aria!!” Abby squealed.

“Hi, Sweetheart,” I said, hugging the child. “Where’s your friend?” Her face grew downcast.

“He disappearded,” she pouted.

“Did something happen to the paper?” I asked knowingly. She nodded. “Ah, well. I told you that would happen eventually, huh? Why don’t I fix you up a new one. Will that work?” She looked up, a flicker of a smile returning. “Alright,” I laughed. Looking at Mike, who had a strange expression on his face that I couldn’t interpret, I held up a finger. “Just a sec.”

Knowing that this little girl was in need of a friend who was a little more durable than the last, I pulled a handkerchief out of my bag along with my trusty sharpie marker.

“You want the same friend or a new one?” I asked her.

“I want Jeff,” she replied from where she’s was now seated in my lap. With her thumb in her mouth, she watched me work with anticipation.

As quickly as I could, I sketched the creature onto the handkerchief. He was simple. A heart with arms, legs, and a face, but he was Abby’s original design, and she loved him. He used to be a mere imaginary friend…until she met me!

After finishing the design with the few colors I had with me, I let the drawing rest on the table and we waited. Abby leaned forward, eyes as big as saucers. Mike had a curious look on his face as he, too, watched the handkerchief. Within seconds, the creature’s outline, scaled up a foot or two, began to appear next to our table. Abby let out a squeal and jumped from the table. When he was fully formed, she hugged her old friend, kissed my cheek, and ran back to her mother, dragging “Jeff” with her.

My bittersweet thoughts following the child were interrupted by a light tap on my arm. Mike was looking impressed.

“That was…really cool!” he marveled.

“Thanks,” I laughed sheepishly. “It’s good for…entertaining.”

“Do you spend a lot of time with them?” Mike pressed, “The kids, I mean.”

“Yeah,” my warm smile reflected my feelings toward the children. “I got a job as a CNA up at the clinic, but I have a lot of extra time between my duties, so I draw for them whenever I can. Seems to help them.” Mike nodded. It is then that my curiosity got the best of me. I’m usually so good at hiding my disability. How had he found out? “So…how did you know I’m deaf?”

“That’s easy,” Mike laughed, “Julian told me.” As if in answer to the questioning look on my face, Mike said, “Come to think of it, I’m not sure how he knew…Julian’s an interesting guy. He doesn’t talk about himself all that much. From what I know, his Gift is teleportation, he gets a lot of attention from girls (and a few guys), but doesn’t seem to want it, and he’s always looking out for everyone else. He’s never looked down on me...In case you couldn’t tell, that’s not exactly normal.” Mike ended with a lighthearted laugh. About that time, his pinky finger landed on the floor next to the table. “Damn.”

Abby, on her way out the door with Jeff and her mother, stopped and picked up the finger as though it was nothing. With a smile, she returned it to Mike. Caught off guard by the little girl’s fearlessness, he took the finger with a quiet, “Thank you…” Abby giggled and caught up to her mother who was waiting for her at the door. She waved to me gratefully before they exited.

After watching Mike struggle for a moment, I pulled out the duct tape Julian had given me earlier. I took Mike’s finger from him and began taping it to his hand.

“So,” I started, to break the awkward silence, “How does this…work…exactly?”

“What, the falling apart thing? I don’t quite know, to be honest,” Mike laughed. “I guess my joints hold together just enough to support me and allow me to move. When I get stressed though, my tissues just separate, and, well…you know. When the skin comes in contact with itself though, it fuses back together after just a few minutes. Comes in rather handy really. I never have to pay much for airfare…just break down and have someone ship me!”

I couldn’t hold in the laughter that burst from me again. The image of Mike in pieces, stuffed in a suitcase was too much. I was surprised though when Mike spoke again. His humor was absent, and was replaced by sheer curiosity.

“Aria, if you can’t hear,” he paused, gathering his thoughts, “how do you speak so easily?”

That question was an easy one to answer. For that, though, I pulled out a regular sheet of paper from my bag and my trusty set of colored pencils. I spoke as I drew.

“Once I know who’s speaking, I just read lips,” I had almost finished the doodle. Mike waited quietly until I was finished drawing and laid the pencil down. Mike’s crimson eyes grew large as beautiful patterns and colors filled the air between us.

“Wha—” Mike stopped suddenly as his crimson and black waves joined the others. I smiled warmly as Mike clapped a hand over his mouth. The gesture made more waves in a different color which startled him. He sat perfectly still from that point, watching the air between us.

“And this is how I know who is speaking,” my own waves were a royal, electric blue.

“Is that…”

“It’s the sound travelling through the air,” I said softly. “Each sound has its own unique pattern and color. I see this all the time.” I ripped the paper in my hands, and the colorful waves vanished, to Mike’s eyes. For me, they continued to swirl in their never-ending dance.

“Wow,” was all Mike could manage. At that moment, a barista checked in to make sure everything was alright. When she’d gone, casual conversation ensued until it was time for the café to close. After comparing schedules and promising to meet again, Mike and I parted ways.

I walked the familiar streets of the quiet town back to my apartment alone…or so I thought. Given Mike’s gentlemanly nature, and the fact that it was well after dark, one might have wondered why it was that I found myself alone, but I hadn’t really considered any of this. I had been too wrapped up in thoughts of the wonderful day I’d just had—too consumed with happiness at having a new friend to wonder why I’d been left to walk alone at night. Besides, the town surrounding Kingston Crown had just above a crime rate of zero, so why should I worry?

More than suddenly though, I was snapped back to reality when sound waves from beside me interrupted my thoughts. That sick, orange color was far too familiar. It was too dark for me to see the face, so other than knowing he was speaking, and he was not alone, I was helpless to know exactly what the jock from earlier was saying…I didn’t have to know his words to sense his intentions, however. The way his friends circled around me made that all too clear.

Remembering my defensive techniques from karate, I lowered myself into a forward stance and waited for an attack. Watching the sounds around me, I could see each shift in movement. One of them stepped up from behind me. With a quick back kick, I sent him to the ground. One from the side—roundhouse to the ribs. Other side—wrist grab then throw.

Before I was ready again, though, the first boy was on his feet and coming at me fast. While I waited for a time to strike, the leader grabbed me from behind and squeezed hard, knocking the breath from my lungs. As I struggled to breathe and escape his vice like grip, he threw me to the ground. My vision grew hazy as blood from my forehead oozed into my eyes.

The pain in my head was only secondary to the pain in my arms as the man holding me to the ground gripped them far too hard.

Desperately, I brought my knee up as hard as I could, knocking him off balance so I could roll and get to my feet. As I ran, I suddenly felt the bones in my wrist shatter as the jock grabbed me again. A silent scream escaped my lips as I was thrown to the ground once again.

This had all occurred in less than one minute, but to me, it felt like an eternity. I lay on the ground, unable to move anymore thanks to my captor’s inhuman strength and a well placed punch that left me further dazed.

It was then that I saw, or rather didn’t see, the black void that was swiftly engulfing the boys where they had gathered to watch. Their crude laughter turned into screams of horror as one by one, they disappeared.

When they were all gone, I looked around to see a trembling form on hands and knees off to the side of where I was lying. The waves emanating from the figure suggested wheezing, labored breaths. I was taken away from wondering about the person though when a hand took my face gently. Though I couldn’t interpret the words in the darkness, Mike’s crimson sound waves filled my vision before shock and pain stole my consciousness, and I sank into darkness.

*****

What?? Our fate is now in the hands of Mike and the mysterious wheezing figure. Where do we wake up? The hospital? Our apartment? Somewhere else?


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 05, 2011 8:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Loved this chapter. Especially the conversation between the two....and the girl picking up the pinky.

She wakes up in her room with Mike and the stranger. Yes. that what I say should happen.
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 05, 2011 11:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

We wake up in a cave on the beach, the abode of the stranger who rescued us.

I liked this. The combat scene was very well correographed and the humor was nice and a little off taste too which was good.
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 05, 2011 11:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Best chapter yet, I think! Very Happy

Lets wake up at exactly the same place where we were. It may not be safe, but the Jocks won't come back here for sometime.
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 1:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Secret lair! Secret lair!

She wakes in a hard bed in a brightly lit room, surrounded by a group of people from the university. The room's walls are shining metal, and there are no windows and only one door (that she can see). Mike is sitting watching her, and calls out to the others. She doesn't recognise most of them, but she can see a dark blur in the corner that she assumes is the coughing man. Julian is there too, berating a man she recognises as one of the Jocks. He's trying to say that he had to do it so as not to blow his cover. They leave off the discussion when Julian hears Mike's shout, and come over to tell her who they are and that she's going to have to join them now she's seem so much.

I... didn't intend for the idea to get so detailed, but there you go. Free DP as well, probably.
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 3:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Andolyn! Smile


Another good chapter, along with a small description of the ins and outs of Mike's condition, to satisfy any of those who were curious to know. Wink I'm with Bizzy, I loved the conversation between Aria and Mike in the coffee shop. It added an air of normality in the middle of an unusual setting (the school for the gifted, not the coffee shop), and I think that's an important element to have with this kind of tale. And I believe that both of your SGs qualify for the spotlight! Very well done! Smile


For the DP, I'm going to say she wakes up exactly where she is. It's not going to be a very good idea for Mike and the other to try to move her, as she's not only hit her head, but also a shattered wrist, and possibly other injuries. It would be best just to leave her with one watching over her, whilst the other goes to get someone in authority, who might have a better idea as to what to do. Or alternatively, she wakes up in the hospital/sickbay. She needs those battle wounds taken care of. Wink


Looking forward to chapter 5! Keep up the good work!

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 5:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

when did this one get a sticky?? i missed that somehow. XD

thank you everyone for the comments and encouragement. =) if i may say so, i'm liking the idea of her being there or in the hospital. that's just my two cents though. haha! i'll start polling tomorrow probably since we've had such good responses already.
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 8:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aside from the wheezing, I got the impression that the 'bad guys' were being somehow teleported away, suggesting that our previous mysterious hero had made a return. Thus I was thinking, she could now be just about anywhere with the both of them - perhaps at Ayer's rock in Australia, just to name a distant and fascinating locale.

But with the note about the wheezing, I get the feeling something else has taken place here, perhaps some kind of character with a vortex power or something of than nature, someone who's quite healthy but seems to constantly ooze the essence of unhealth on appearance, who can throw victims into a black hole frozen torpor which eventually wears off harmlessly.

In this case, perhaps just waking up in the nurse's office or exactly where she is would then be better options.

Still loving it An!
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 10:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

you are incredibly insightful, TBird. Wink
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 09, 2011 4:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Need more votes everyone!!! i'm putting up the new chapter tonight if i can!!
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 12:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Slowly, I opened my eyes...well...one eye. The other was swollen shut. The lighting in the room where I lay was dim, but I could see. The ambient waves bouncing off the ceiling were clearly those given off by the sea--a sound I loved to see.

Interrupting my serene thoughts, Mike's waves passed before my eyes. I looked around and saw that I was lying on a table. I was in what appeared to be a small living area. Pacing nervously along the far wall, I saw Mike. His hands were missing, which told me more about his mood at the moment than the pacing. Waves of an unfamiliar color came from a young man who was washing his hands at the sink in the little kitchen. His back was turned to me, so I couldn't see what he was saying.

Suddenly a cough came from my other side. I turned my head slightly. Pain kept me from turning it too far. Hunched over on the couch, looking exhausted and clutching his chest, was Julian.

Mike's sound waves caught my attention again.

"You really need to be more careful, Julian. That power of yours takes quite a toll on your body," Mike scolded. The man at the sink had turned around.

"He's right, you know? You'll kill yourself using that wicked thing one of these days," his lips formed the words.

Just then, the sound waves of children's laughter filled the air. That opalescent cascade of colors I adored so floated from the direction of the couch...were these Julian's waves?

"Would you rather I'd let them rape her?" his eyes were two icy caverns that seemed to never end. "I thought that was sort of the point of me following her home."

"Perhaps," the man by the sink was speaking again, "but physical force would have affected you less. You need to work on that ability before you use it just too often."

"I got angry," Julian answered simply. He paused to catch his breath before continuing. "I do need to work on it though. It only took a moment for me to fully power up, but if I'd have been faster I could have saved her from the damage she got while she waited for me."

Just then, Mike's face was hovering over mine.

"Well, good morning, Princess!" he smiled at me. "How're we feeling?" Truthfully, I was in more pain than I'd felt since the accident that took my hearing...and my family.

"I'm fine," I looked away sheepishly.

"Don't lie," Mike scolded, "John, here, can see when you lie." He jerked his head in the direction of the man leaning on the sink. I looked at Mike with disdain.

"You know how I feel then," I sighed.

"Yeah," a flash of sorrow crossed his eyes. "Good thing we've got a medic in the group, huh?"

I hadn't noticed before, but John was in fact wearing an EMT uniform. Come to think of it, I remembered seeing him in the ambulance bay a few times, bringing kids in to the Center.

"That may be," he answered Mike's comment, "but she still needs full medical attention. She's got some serious wounds there. Nothing my simple field technique will fix." He looked at the beeper on his belt that had just went off. "Well, duty calls. I'll check in with you later." He pointed an accusatory finger at Julian, who waved him off. "Mike, you'd better get her over to the clinic at the very least..."

"I can take her," Julian offered. He stood shakily, but was forced to sit back down when his breath was taken by a fit of coughing. "Or maybe I'll stay here."

Mike nodded, then lifted me off the table with hands that I hadn't seen get taped back on.

"Let's go, Princess," he laughed. I soon found that I had been correct in my assumption of being close to the sea. Mike carried me down a long, natural corridor of the cave and out onto a stretch of land 100 yards off the beach. He turned back to let me get a look. "There's my home, sweet home...aka, the "Secret Lair" for our little band of misfits."

I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes before the vibration of his chest told me he was speaking again. I sat up to where I could see his mouth in the darkness.

"I wasn't completely honest with you earlier," the ashamed look on his face saddened me. I waited silently for him to continue. "Julian is what I would consider to be one of my good friends. He's a misfit like me, but by his own choice. He's one of the most powerful Gifteds to grace the face of the planet, but he doesn't want the glory of it...reminds me of you, really." He paused to smile at me. "His weakness is his body though...like us. He's got asthma. It cuts him down from reaching his full potential, but as you could see, he's incredibly powerful in spite of all that."

I finally had the opportunity to ask the question that had been with me since I lost consciousness.

"Mike," my own waves looked strained, "W-what happened?"

Mike sighed. I could tell this was not an event he wished to recount, but I felt I needed to know.

"When we left the coffee shop, I saw Julian waiting in the shadows...he's very curious about you," a smile flashed across his stitched lips again, but it didn't reach Mike's eyes, "with good reason...anyway, I knew he'd watch out for you on your way home, so I went on my way. I didn't honestly expect anything to happen..." here, the pained look returned, "I heard it when you started screaming, and ran back. When I got there, though, Julian had already gotten to full power and was handling things nicely. When the wind from his vortex died down, you were about half conscious. I called John, and tried to help Julian, but I'm useless when it comes to medical stuff. He was blue and barely breathing within a couple of minutes...I was afraid I was going to lose both of you."

Mike sniffed, holding back tears that threatened him. He cleared his throat.

"John got there a few minutes later with his emergency kit. He shot Julian with some sort of medicine and got him breathing again, then he checked you over. He set your wrist once we got back to the Lair, and you know the rest. You were only out an hour or two."

Mike had finished his tale. I was too exhausted from the pain to respond, so I just laid my head back on his strong shoulder and went to sleep.

*********

When I woke again, the sun was up, and I was in a hospital room. Mike was asleep in the chair next to my bed. A cast had been set on my left arm.

Maybe I was a little further out than just sleeping, I thought to myself. I grabbed the TV remote and settled down to watch Criminal Minds, hoping it would drown the curiosity that plagued my mind. I wondered if Julian was alright. I wondered what had become of my attackers that had vanished into the blackness of Julian's vortex. I wondered how Mike's hands had been taped without my knowledge. A thousand questions flooded my mind and drowned my interest in the program at which I was currently staring.

My eyes found the table next to me where a piece of paper laid by my cell phone. How'd that get here? My phone was specifically for a deaf person. When the person on the other end spoke, it comes up as words on the screen. I didn't remember it being in my pocket at the house...

On the piece of paper, in unfamiliar handwriting, were the words, Mike's house and John's cell with the appropriate phone numbers out from each.

***

What should I do? Wake Mike and ask about Julian? Sit patiently and watch my program? Use the phone to call John? Call Mike's house to see if Julian is there? What would I say if I did call?


Last edited by Andolyn on Fri Jun 10, 2011 5:49 pm; edited 2 times in total
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 3:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
He's one of the most powerful Gifteds to grace the face of the planet, but he doesn't want the glory of it...reminds me of you, really."

Wait, am I reading this right? Is she considered particularly powerful? We've not met a lot of Gifteds, so there's no real way to gauge how useful or strong powers are on average.
Quote:
"His weakness is his body though...like us.

I realise that Mike's weakness is his body (In quite a major way Laughing ) but do either of them consider her hearing a weakness? I got the impression that it almost didn't affect her, due to her Gift.

I'd say ring Mike's house to see if Julian is there. Julian seems to be the one who can answer her questions right now - namely, what happened to her attackers (and, if they're not OK, whether there'll be any punishment for him for misuse of his powers) and if he's OK. I really want to see more of him. This is the Romance forum, so let's get the love interest more involved (at least, I'm assuming he is. I like him).
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 9:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was referring to the fact that she doesn't want the glory associated with being a Gifted.

and yes, she compensates, but (as we could see in the fight) when the lights go out, not being able to hear is a definite weakness. she could see that they were speaking, but had no idea what was being said. I'd say that would have been useful at the time.

also, you will see more of him, but do be patient. i re-did it this way so that things would develop slowly. =)

aaaaand, with my writing, it's safe to say, never assume anything. i might just throw a wrench into the works out of pure spite. Wink
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 11:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Andi!

Another good chappie! Smile I particularly liked this first paragraph...


Quote:
Slowly, I opened my eyes...well...one eye. The other was swollen shut. The lighting in the room where I lay was dim, but I could see. The ambient waves bouncing off the ceiling were clearly those given off by the sea--a sound I loved to see.


...A very simple, yet effective set of sentences. Love it!


I'm thinking the same way as Whitey actually. Call Julian, and see how he's doing. It's a good enough reason as any to call someone, especially if that someone rescued her from being raped or killed. And yeah, she could find out what happened to her attackers at the same time.



Quote:
aaaaand, with my writing, it's safe to say, never assume anything. i might just throw a wrench into the works out of pure spite. Wink


Oooo! Ruthless! I knew I liked you! Wink

Keep up the good work! I look forward to more! Smile

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 11:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Andolyn wrote:

and yes, she compensates, but (as we could see in the fight) when the lights go out, not being able to hear is a definite weakness. she could see that they were speaking, but had no idea what was being said. I'd say that would have been useful at the time.



Ah, thanks for clearing that up. I'm not sure why, but I always kind of had the impression that she could tell what people were saying - or at least the meaning of it all. If she has to lip read at the same time, that makes more sense.
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 12:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wink indeed. i felt there had to be SOME effect of her being deaf...otherwise, what's the point, right? =)
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 5:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I enjoyed the chapter - enjoying the story even more overall if that makes sense.

I don't see any compelling reason not to simply call John (I take it that's Julian's nick-name...) if for no other reason than to thank. This also makes me wonder about our own intended living situation... we were just arriving on campus. Do we have a room we are yet to visit?
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 6:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Read it again, T. Wink Julian and John are two different people. Julian is our mysterious savior from the attack, John is the medic who revived Julian after his attack.

Aria's apartment is nearby. We haven't visited her apartment yet, but that's where she was heading when the football players attacked her.

i'm so glad you're liking it!! i have big plans for this one. =)
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 9:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Im loving this story, but Im gonna have to leave this DP without a suggestion :/
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 10:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Andolyn wrote:
Read it again, T. Wink Julian and John are two different people. Julian is our mysterious savior from the attack, John is the medic who revived Julian after his attack.

Aria's apartment is nearby. We haven't visited her apartment yet, but that's where she was heading when the football players attacked her.

i'm so glad you're liking it!! i have big plans for this one. =)


Ah... sorry about that. I was just waking up from a nap when I decided to read it... was still a bit fuzzy in the head so I'll come back to read back through in just a bit.
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 10:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

teeheehee...not a problem. Wink you'll have to lemme know what the clear minded TBird thinks. haha!
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 1:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
"Don't lie," Mike scolded, "John, here, can see when you lie." He jerked his head in the direction of the man leaning on the sink. I looked at Mike with disdain.


Makes sense to me. huh.

I think what I'm beginning to miss, however, is some of the inner emotional sensations our heroine is undergoing. Who is she feeling a connection to now and why? Any of them? We could have quite a little love square going here but I don't see where its going. Maybe that's a good thing. I'm all for Mike. He needs the love more than the others. Surely Julian can find an appropriate love interest even if we do think more of him as he's saved us and our zombie friend just falls apart under stress. Besides, it seems as if we can handle ourselves - mostly. Go under dog!

Anyhow, I think she should wake Mike for a discussion.
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 1:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

see...now that's the fun part...III dont even know who she'll end up with yet. XD i guess we'll just have to see where the story takes us!
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 8:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ah... I think that line Bio pointed out was where I slipped... after reading it through I remembered just about everything BUT that. I just read through seeing John as Julian and not finding that spot at all amiss for it. Uhf.

I still think a quick call to John to thank is in order... that will naturally wake up Mike I'd think.
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 9:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This was another amazing chapter. =)

Oh, I guess she should just wait for one of those 3 to show up. Or probably call them up and ask one of them to show up. I'd believe that a girl would be really shaky and would like a male she trusts to stick around with her after she's been through something like this.
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 2:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mike's already there, just asleep. Voted to call Julian though... and it seems so did everyone else. Laughing
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 3:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The room was considerably darker now. When she left, so did the light. I sat alone in the darkness wondering why that was when Alyson, another member of our band of misfits came bouncing into the cave-house.

“JUUUULIIIIEEE,” her whining voice like nails on a chalkboard to my already troubled mind intruded on my pleasant thoughts of Aria. “Dang! You look terrible! You use that Gift of yours again?”

“I had to,” I replied simply.

Alyson plopped down in front of me on the coffee table. In place of skin, she was covered with purple scales. Her eyes were a golden yellow. Her power? Well, she should have been able to breathe fire…at least that’s what we think the original design was, but in reality, her ability is to blow fantastic smoke rings. Thus she got landed here in our little group.

“Whyyyyy?” she wasn’t going to let me wriggle out of this one. I sighed heavily. I knew how Alyson felt about me, and I had no desire to direct her jealous hatred toward Aria.

“Got in a fight,” the conversation would end there. I would see to it.

“Oh, well,” Alyson stood, tousled my hair, and bounced over to the kitchen, “you should really take better care of yourself.” If she only knew how close to death I’d been that night, she wouldn’t be this forgiving. “Where are Mike and John?”

“John’s at work…I’m not sure where Mike ran off to,” I lied.

“Probably with that girl,” she snorted, fixing a bowl of cereal, “he’s been following her like a lost puppy all day.” I didn’t like her tone when referring to Aria. Why was I this defensive of a girl I’d never even spoken to? Keeping those pigs in the limbo of my abyss was hard on me, and I was very tired…maybe that was it.

“Aria is a good friend to Mike,” I shot back harshly, “I should think you’d be happy for him. It’s not too often a girl like her is alright with someone like him….like any of us…” I sipped the hot drink John had forced on me before he’d left. Over the course of the hours, I’d had to reheat it several times. The sun had been in the sky for several hours by now, and I had yet to finish it.

Alyson shot a scrupulous look in my direction. She didn’t like my comment on the matter, but she also knew not to push me when I was in this mood. She rummaged around in the refrigerator for awhile.

“Classes start tomorrow, what’s your first?” she changed the subject.

“Developmental Psychology,” I replied, utterly uninterested. I could still see Aria’s golden curls cascading over the edge of the table John had used as a work space. There was something enchanting about the girl. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

Suddenly the phone rang. Alyson, her usual nosy self, sprang into action, but I was faster.

“Hello?” I asked the silence. The voice on the other end was quiet and clear. I smiled at the very sound.

“Hello, Julian?” after hearing her say my name, nothing else seemed to matter. She was alright, and the world was bright again.

*****

I didn’t remember much of the conversation, but I somehow found myself walking to the hospital. I would have teleported, but my body was still too weak. Unfortunately, since I had to walk, that meant Alyson was trailing behind me, chattering noisily. I probably should have simply said no when she’d asked to come with me, but I have an inability to be rude to a girl…unless she asks for it.

Instead of worrying about Alyson, however, my mind was on the events of the last day and night. I’d first spotted Aria while visiting my sister at the Center. Aria had been working on the floor where my sister stayed that day. It was nice to finally see the woman my little sister spoke so highly of. The way she lit up as she played happily with the children was truly captivating. As I watched her, though, it struck me that Aria observed her environment with such precision. She relied heavily on her sense of sight. Perhaps this was just a learned habit. But maybe there was something more.

On the first day the campus was open, I saw Aria again, mapping out her classes. She carried herself with an air of innocence that I found hard to ignore. I had to introduce her into our group somehow, and I knew just the guy to break her in. I spotted Mike having his usual trouble with the football team. He was a geek, and that meant he was a prime target for torment. When his hand got tossed, I couldn’t resist teleporting to make sure it was directly in Aria’s path.

Now all I had to do was sit back and wait. I was counting on Aria being as clumsy as I guessed she would be. I was in luck. I was also counting on her having as big a heart as I thought she did…again, my luck held. I couldn’t help but smile as I watched them conversing. Now I knew that Aria’s hesitancy to rely on her hearing was not out of preference, but out of necessity. The moment of hesitation for her to respond when she wasn’t looking at Mike was a clue. Also, when he spoke, her eyes never left Mike’s lips. I knew then that she was reading them.

That’s when the downward spiral began. The brainless juggernauts weren’t quite finished with my friend, but Aria distracted them immediately. It wasn’t her subtle elegance or the aura of sweetness that she gave off that caught their attention. No, it was the fact that hers was a female body the captain of the team had yet to enjoy. He was used to girls throwing themselves at his feet. So was I. But I was pleasantly surprised when she landed a quick right hook on his jaw. The fact that it was not in self defense that she struck, but instead, out of a desire to defend my friend (who was now in pieces on the ground) spoke volumes about her character to me.

I couldn’t help the burst of laughter that flooded from me, but I was sobered immediately when Drake, the captain stood to challenge her. That’s when I teleported to Mike’s side.

“Take these guys out Julian,” Mike’s anger was evident. Instead, I let my aura flow freely, knowing it would dishearten the attackers.

“Stay with her, Mike,” I spoke through gritted teeth. “She needs us as much as we need her.” Mike looked at me questioningly. “She’s deaf, Mike.” A look of shock crossed his crimson eyes, but his anger flared again as the team retreated. I waited while Aria came back, fussing over Mike’s current state. She seemed to be oblivious to my presence for a short while, but then thanked me in that sweet voice of hers.

After that, I took my leave. I’d let Mike get acquainted with Aria while I checked in on my little sister. I had never actually spoken to Aria, but I felt like I knew her through Sister. Abby was running around with mom for the day to celebrate finishing her third round of chemotherapy. I knew that their first stop would be the hat shop. A new cover for the slick place where her ebony hair had been was in order. Abby was at an age where her looks didn’t particularly matter to her, so that helped, but it chipped at my heart each time I held a handful of those beautiful curls detached in my hand. She had been in remission for so long this time, too…

I entered the little shop to hear my sister’s happy shrieks as she tried on the most flamboyant hats she could find. I stood by the door, smiling at her and our mother, not wanting to interrupt their moment of joy. It didn’t take too long for Abby to notice me though. She giggled in excitement and ran to me, leaping into my outstretched arms.

“Brother!!” she squealed. I held her. My sister was 16 years my junior. Some have called her an “accident”, but I call her a miracle.

After the hat shop, a coffee was in order for mom. Before we got there, however, I chose to allow mom and Sister their day and go my own way. The evening passed with little event, and before I knew it, I found myself outside the coffee shop again. The lights had just gone out and the last customers were making their way out the door.

Mike and Aria chatted for a second before Mike and I made eye contact. He nodded subtly to me before heading toward the Lair. Walking with my softest steps, as I usually did, I followed at a distance to ensure Aria’s safe return home. She was stunning in the moonlight, and I was far too shy to speak to her as of yet.

Then the battle began. From the instant I saw them coming at her, I began to focus every ounce of my strength into creating a vortex. Rage like I’d never felt began coursing through me at the very thought of them laying even a finger on her. Aria was defending herself well enough, but there were too many coming at her at once.

I had been sure I couldn’t get angrier…until I heard the sickening crack of her wrist and heard her tortured scream. My vortex was complete, and I was hell bent on killing the man poised over her bleeding form. I knew I had to hurry. It would only be a few seconds before my body broke under the pressure.
Suddenly, my thoughts were interrupted by Alyson’s whining.

“Why’re you goin’ to the hospital?? Are you THAT sick from the fight last night??”

“No,” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. I would never come to the hospital voluntarily for myself. She couldn’t see my face right now anyway. “I’m here to visit someone. I’ll be back at the Lair later.”

With that, I dismissed myself and headed for the hospital door. I didn’t mind her walking with me, but Alyson wouldn’t be with me when I visited Aria. Aria had enchanted me, and I wanted some time with her…just her. I might not get it while Mike was there, and that would be alright, but I’d have no chance of going off alone with her if Alyson was tagging along.

I made my way through the maze of a hospital, my heart rate picked up slightly as I got closer and closer to the room where I knew Aria was resting.

When I rounded the corner into her room, Aria was sitting up in bed. Mike was awake now and had stolen the jello off her lunch plate. Her eye and the side of her face was blackened by bruising, a large cut had been stitched on her forehead, and her lower arm was bound in a royal blue cast, but Aria’s carefree smile and the sound of her voice still took my breathe.

“Hey, Julian”

*****
What should we do now? Does Julian offer to take Aria outside? Does Mike "suddenly remember something he needs to do"? Do all three of them just sit and talk? Other suggestions?


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 4:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good chapter Andi! And nice to have another point of view on the situation, and discover how Julian feels too. You managed to merge the two perspectives together very well too. Well done! Smile


One teeny mistake that I picked up on...


Quote:
I had enchanted me, and I wanted some time with her…just her.


I'm guessing that the 'I' should be 'she' or 'Aria'. But that is all.


I think that having Mike there at first might make it a little easier on Julian, with him being a familiar face in Julian's life. I say they grab a cuppa, and sit and talk, in order for Aria and Julian to get to know each other better, before the latter make any moves based on his feelings for her.


Much enjoyed, Andi! Looking forward to more! Smile

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 4:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

teehee...oops. lol! that has the potential to be a very bad mistake. lol

fixed!

whew...this was a big 'ol chunk of a chapter! lol!

i'm glad you enjoyed it though. =)
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 6:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well... I was really confused in the beginning when I kept reading "I" as "Aria", but then once I realized my mistake, it was quite a comfortable read.

Good chapter there and as for the DP... Being a guy, if I was Julian, I wouldn't want Mike there. In fact, I wouldn't want anyone other than myself with Aria at the moment. You wrote it correctly when Julian didn't want Alyson to come along.

But if I were Mike, I wouldn't listen to Julian, and stay there, just to make sure he's going okay.

Sometimes, when you're (very) conscious that someone is watching you, words don't come out so freely.

I say, Mike pretends to leave, and eavesdrop on them (I know... Shocked ) and if things aren't going they way they should be, he walks back in and 'rescues' Julian.
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 12:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I F5 Vishal on the DP. Mike shouldn't leave straight away, just when he sees how awkward it all is.

I really liked the beginning and the end of this chapter, as it just moved the story along nicely and introduced Alyson clearly. I still love Julian and his general confusion just makes me laugh Smile .

I have to say I'm not hugely keen on the middle though, sorry. It just didn't fit for me. If you're going to have him reminisce and tell us how he feels about Aria either introduce it in bits and pieces over a couple of chapters or all at once a bit later, perhaps in a confession to Aria once the readers have had time to forget all of this happening. As it was, it felt like I was just being told everything all over again, and even the revelation about the little girl being his sister didn't help - it just felt like a deleted affair.
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 7:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Andolyn, I must say that I was in for a great shocker when I read your story. You managed to make it so readable the 5 chapters flew right by! The quality of your lines and your vocabulary is outstanding, and you make a way for every scene to come alive. If there was a medal I could award, you'd get it.

As far as mistakes go, we all have them, and yours weren't great to start with. After the slightly harsh transition of POV to Julian, I was confused for only a single sentence before I jumped back on the tracks. Your characters are fleshing out well (no pun intended, Mike) but I am afraid you rushed it a bit in this chapter, perhaps nudged by TheWhiteBlacksmiths critic. Although she might be a bit impatient, I assure you that your pace of fleshing out characters was well for your story, both in it's degree and speed.

Your mysterious Julian suddenly became our POV with all cards open because of that, and that impacted the story the most. I do not mind, as I see the awesome potential you are slowly but surely utilizing, but I just wanted you to know that there must be a balance of pleasing the crowd and writing from your heart.

I'm thinking of snatching your story from the Romance section and put it in Fantasy Forest... Wink

Now for the DP; I believe there should be a smashout, with one of the orderlies/bouncers hurting Julian, eventually putting him in a hospital bed himself. Maybe even introduce a girl that would make his head spin, just to annoy Aria? Or maybe the ruffians that were to rape her finally exit the vortex, and right into the room? Ooooh, I'm feeling naughty... Razz

Lyn, I must again say that you've got thumbs up from all of us, and we are rooting for the story to go on! Very Happy
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 8:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I found the initial manner in which we see a change in POV here a bit jarring as well. Something needed to make it clear with the first line.

That'd be my only complaint.

What I most liked, among a chapter I generally thought was quite good, was how human you've made this very powerful Julian. He's nervous, unhealthy, wracked with pre-existing social issues. Well done.

As for the DP, I'm kinda thinking Mike would be just as much an admirer and would not so quickly 'bow out'. I'd imagine he's used to Julian getting all the attention by now and while he greatly appreciates Julian's friendship, may subtlely move to block him here in an effort to negotiate himself forward as a possible 'boyfriend'. I would find that to create the best means for generating plot tension in the tale. Surely, he wouldn't be used to a pretty girl paying attention to him at all so I'm sure he's quite taken with her and very worried she'll only have 'eyes' for Julian, who he believes is so superior to himself.
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 8:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

aww, thanks Cy and TB! i was starting to do this just a bit--> Wall Bash

there are quite a few mistakes, i read back through my copy on my computer ((i'm saving as we go. ;] )) and fixed them...i'll get around to doing it here eventually...hahaha!!

i do apologize for the harshness. i'll see what i can do to smooth it out...suggestions on how to do that would be much appreciated. perhaps something on the lines of "Thanks, Julian," Her voice resounded in my head over and over as I sat in the darkness..."

This won't be the last PoV change, so i'll just throw out that warning. haha! i really enjoyed writing this way. As TBird said, it gives you a deeper perspective on the other characters that we might not see through Aria's eyes. (something that's always been a weakness of first person writing imo)
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 9:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Andolyn wrote:

i do apologize for the harshness. i'll see what i can do to smooth it out...suggestions on how to do that would be much appreciated. perhaps something on the lines of "Thanks, Julian," Her voice resounded in my head over and over as I sat in the darkness..."

This won't be the last PoV change, so i'll just throw out that warning. haha! i really enjoyed writing this way. As TBird said, it gives you a deeper perspective on the other characters that we might not see through Aria's eyes. (something that's always been a weakness of first person writing imo)


I don't think you even need to do that much. I found the PoV change fairly easy to tell, and got it from the first sentence or so because their locations were so detailed and different. It might be a bit more of a problem if they were in the same room, or if you changed in the middle of a chapter, but all you would really need to do is put their name in bold above it. That way you could have multiple changes without needing a detailed description each time.
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 9:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i like this idea! =)
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 5:27 am    Post subject: I Think....... Reply with quote

*Looks around* Hmmmmmmmm....................... This is gonna be a little short, running low on time here...


For the PoV changes, I suggest some ***** action. Y'know, some sort of line breaker.

I really like the chappy, and this is definately shaping up to be a nice love infested plot! *Looks around* And I can't wait to see what "color" those bumps in the road to romantic victory are! Laughing

As for the DP.....*Gets evil look on face* I see the two "Men" realisesing how the other feels about her rather quickly, seeing as they're BOTH head-over-heels for her. They should take it into the hall, and have a little bout over what to do about this. Inevetably, they sould go the friendly rivalry rout, so they daon't have hard feelings towards one aother if the other "wins" the girl. Also, I like the idea of the jocks falling into the hall during the discussion. No better place to dump them, seeing as an abyss is not a place that can be healthy for a human body. Laughing Laughing Laughing

Weill, that's my mind! Keep on truckin' Lyn-chan!
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 6:52 am    Post subject: Re: I Think....... Reply with quote

PopeAlessandrosXVIII wrote:
*
For the PoV changes, I suggest some ***** action.


Laughing
Eyecatcher! Noticed it straight away.

But yes, An, using the asteriks or lot of underscores, like "________________" can help. Very Happy
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 7:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I really liked this chapter. The only issue I had has already been mentioned in (almost) every reply, so Im gonna let it pass.

As for the DP, get a Mark vs "Weak" Julian fight Wink

Make it so that we have...

"Mark hates Julian. Julian hates Mark. Mark likes Aria and Julian likes Aria. Aria likes both"

The next DP being "Who should Aria go with?" would cause some (more) activity Wink Just Saying Razz
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 9:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mike aughta just leave the room, but in a way that makes it clear he's not happy to be handing Julian over. I wouldn't think he would have allowed himself too much attachment to Aria given that he already knows no girl will want him. But that doesn't make it easy to do what he's always done, give up. I think she should notice how unhappy he seems to be as he goes out into the hall saying, "Alright, I guess I'll leave you two alone."
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 6:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

POLLING!!!
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 19, 2011 2:43 am    Post subject: Poll Reply with quote

You completely ignored me DP suggestion...........................
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 19, 2011 4:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i'm sorry, Pope!! not all of my results posted for some reason. i'm going to go back and fix it.
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2011 4:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aria

“Hey Julian,” the sound of my own voice was odd as it bounced through the room. I watched the shy man in the doorway sweep his ebony hair out of his eyes as he debated whether or not to enter. Those electric eyes had joined my fondest dreams since I’d first seen them the day before. There was something familiar about the way they demanded the attention of the observer, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. The multifaceted glow of them made me want to melt into the floor.

“Hey, Man!” Mike was just finishing my jello. It was clear—his comfort level with me—as he’d just snatched it from my tray as soon as the nurse was out the door. I didn’t mind in the slightest, but I did find a great deal of humor in the action. “Come in! Join the party!”

I watched Julian. His hesitancy to intrude was obvious in the way he walked—slightly hunched in an almost defensive manner with his slender arms crossed over the lean form of his body. He took the seat next to Mike. I couldn’t tell if this was simply out of comfort or to make it easier for me to converse with them. He knew I was deaf. This meant if they were on opposite sides of me I’d have to turn to see their faces. I rather hoped it was the latter…something about the idea of him paying attention to the little things made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

I wasn’t the only one to take notice of Julian’s shy consideration. Being his best friend, Mike knew Julian very well. With an expression I couldn’t quite interpret, Mike cleared his throat and stood.

“I’ll be right back,” with that, he half bowed to me and Julian before slipping out into the hallway.

Julian and I sat in awkward silence for a moment before I finally spoke.

“They said I’ll get to go home tomorrow morning,” I fidgeted with my wristband as I spoke, “They said they just want to keep me one more night for observation.” Julian nodded with a soft smile. There were 1000 things I wanted to say to him at that moment, but nothing would come. He seemed to be struggling with a similar problem.

“I’m sorry,” he started, “that…you had to see that. I got angry…I’m still angry…I just…” he trailed off. I stood, moving to his side on the couch.

“It’s alright,” I looked deep into the wells of his eyes. “You probably saved my life.” He held my gaze for several seconds before looking at his hands.

“… More than worth it…” he mumbled.

“What?” I wasn’t sure of the meaning of his statement, but I didn’t like the tired expression on his face when he said it. He started as though he’d just been awoken from a daze.

“Nothing,” he shook his head, looking at me again with a smile that made me melt again. “I’m sorry, I was talking to myself.”

Just then, Mike popped back into the room. He held a stash of snacks in his hands.

“Geez, had to walk a friggin’ mile to the nearest machine!”

I laughed, and Julian looked half relieved and half disappointed. Mike had a way of giving us both confidence.

The three of us chatted lightly about things as consequential as the weather, but I wouldn’t have traded the time for the world. I examined the two men sitting in front of me. They were so different in almost every way, yet they seemed to fit. Mike’s lighthearted chatter was beautifully complimented by Julian’s dark mystery. The latter didn’t say much through the entirety of the afternoon, but listened to Mike and I go on with a small smile playing on his thin lips.

Later that afternoon, I began to notice that Julian no longer seemed to be with us in the room. His gaze was distant and empty. Mike noticed it too.

“Julian, what’s wrong?” his tone was full of worry. He knew what was coming. I looked closer at the young man and saw the thin layer of sweat forming on his face and neck. He had grown deathly pale. Julian didn’t respond, but continued staring at the floor. Mike shook him, and Julian looked at Mike with the same emptiness in his eyes. Those eyes I’d admired only a short time before were now utterly void of life—it made me shudder. “Julian, you aren’t still holding them…”

But Julian was gone. His blue eyes rolled back as a horrible wheeze tore from him. Then his breathing halted and he began to collapse. I was completely stunned, but Mike still held to his wits.

“Julian!” his waves told me his voice was almost a growl. “Julian, stay with me!! DAMNIT! He’s held them for too long!! He knows what that does to him!” Mike grabbed the young man, holding the lifeless form in his arms. “Aria! Get out from in front of him!”

In a daze, I did as I was told, but nothing could have prepared me for what happened next. Mike laid Julian on the couch and jumped to my side. From Julian’s upturned chest, grew a plume of what looked like black smoke, but soon, it burst into a giant swirling vortex. My friend held me and braced himself on the wall behind us, waiting. I cannot describe the terror running through my mind as the vortex grew until it almost filled the room. Mike held my face into his shoulder.

When he loosened his grip, I looked up to find that the vortex was gone, but the horror had only begun. Sprawled on the floor, crusted in ice, and looking on the edge of sanity, were my attackers from the previous night. Each of their gazes were hollow—their faces locked in looks of petrified fear. My eyes, however, found Julian.

Nurses and orderlies had already begun seeing to the dazed men scattered on the ground, but my attention was taken by a much more terrifying sight. I looked to the couch where Mike was leaning over Julian’s lifeless body. His shirt had been shredded by the sheer power of the vortex his body had been forced to create. His already alabaster skin was whiter than a sheet of paper, and his lips were pale blue.

I watched as Mike shook him, screaming his name over and over, but it was in vain. When one of the nurses finally came to him, she raced to the blue lever above the head of my bed. My blood ran cold. I knew what that lever meant. I’d seen it used far too many times.

I wanted to move—to run grab Julian’s hand, touch his hair, feel his face—anything besides what I found myself doing at that moment: sitting, frozen in place, stricken by utter and absolute fear. I’d never experienced this before. Usually, when a Code Blue was called, I was the first to spring into action, but as I watched Mike and the nurse move Julian to my bed and desperately begin CPR, I was in shock. This couldn’t be happening. Not him. Not here. Not when I had yet to even properly thank him for what he’d done for me that night.

Soon, the crash cart arrived, and the room was frenzied with action. The nurse continued to do CPR while the code team prepared to shock Julian.

“Clear!!” I saw one of the nurses yell. I found myself wrapped in Mike’s arms as it finally registered that my own sound waves were bouncing around the room. I was sobbing. Julian’s body jolted with the blast of electricity that had just hit him.
When it did, a scream of agony tore from my lips. I fought Mike’s grasp, desperate to get to Julian, but he was too strong.

Mike pulled my face around so that I was forced to see him speaking. The whites of his eyes matched the deep red irises with tears of his own running down his green face.

“Look at me,” his sound waves were calm in spite of the chaos around us, “Keep your eyes on me. Julian will be fine. He took it too far this time, but he’ll bounce back. He always does. Don’t you worry.”

Three more times I saw the waves of the electric shock go past us, and three more times the chaos continued. Then suddenly, all was calm. Defeated, Mike loosened his hold on me. I pulled away enough to see his face again. The utter shock on his face and the tears forming at the corners of his eyes made him look as though someone had just hit him with a truck.

No! I knew what all this meant as well.

I turned in time to see the nurse say, “Call it,” and check her watch for the exact time of Julian’s death. My breath caught. I watched as the nurses slowly, painfully, packed their equipment back in the cart. When they stepped away, I had a clear view of the bed. There was Julian: his beautiful eyes closed and surrounded by dark rings, his raven hair now drenched in sweat, clinging to his forehead, his lips, that ghastly blue that chilled my very soul. Feelings of loss equal to those I’d felt the day I’d lost my family flooded over me.

Mike had taken the nurses’ place at Julian’s side. With desperation bordering on hysteria, Mike compressed Julian’s stilled chest. The orderlies stood quietly in the doorway, allowing us our grief.

“Please, Julian,” he sobbed, “PLEASE!!” He continued pleading with the lifeless body until his own had completely fallen apart.

The initial shock of what had just occurred faded momentarily at this point. I couldn’t stop myself—I ran forward myself and raised my arms over my head.

“JULIAAAN!!!” I half sobbed, half screamed as I brought my fists down—one still in the cast—on his chest with my head right behind them. With my eyes closed, I saw and heard nothing, but what I felt, to this day, I cannot explain.

My upper body that I’d just thrown on top of Julian rose and fell drastically in quick succession, followed by several smaller, rapid movements. Just then, a hand was on the top of my head, but I was soon dragged off my friend and half thrown back onto the couch.

The nurses were back in action, fitting an oxygen mask over the face of the man they’d only seconds before pronounced dead. Julian’s eyes, tired and weak, scanned the room as the nurses rushed down the hallway to the critical care bay with him.

*****

Holy Crap!! what do we do now? do we race down the hallway after Julian? do we be rational and get Mike back together? do we just sit there in shock and grief for a moment? maybe Alyson (having had curiosity get the best of her) decides to come up and see who Julian's visiting and finds us in the floor putting Mike back together? other suggestions?
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2011 4:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stay with Mike...his main hombre just died after all
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2011 7:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Double posted your chapter there... I'd delete one but wasn't sure if you'd made an edit to one or the other.

Reread the end there Bizzy... I'm sure she meant Julian had started breathing again but was as a result suddenly whisked away by the nurses. I didn't catch anywhere that stated Mike had fallen apart though... I dunno. Mike would probably rather she chase after and see what's happening. She may not be allowed to go the full distance with them into the ER though so once she's turned away, I'm sure she'd immediately return to help Mike and cry on each other's shoulders.

Great scenework btw! I thought you were actually gonna take him out... the way you pulled that off at the end actually took me by surprise which is saying something.
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 22, 2011 1:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with TB,some of those scenes were excellently written, and the chapter as an entirety was fabulous! Very well done! So glad Julian's okay! Wink


For the dp, I'm going to agree with Bizzy and say just stay with Mike. Help put him back together, and have him explain to Aria properly about what happened. Afterall, as well as Julian almost dying, a load of frozen, petrified guys just reappeared. I'm sure that, even though they're a bunch of arseholes, Aria would still be interested to know what actually happened to them, and why they're in the state they're in, and if they're still alive, I guess would be another question to be answered. And Mike, being Julian's best friend is likely to know at least some of the answers. So in more simple terms - Stay with Mike, put him back together, and discuss the event in more detail.


Great chappie, Andi! Looking forward to the next one already! Smile

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 22, 2011 2:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Excellente! Very Happy Emotions are really bubbling in this one, and they were milliseconds from bursting!

Ooooh, I think she should help Mike first, and then check out the goons. Additionally, she could ask the nurses for Julian's medical file, or steal it. There is bound to be a file on Julian describing at least some facets of his power.
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 22, 2011 4:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

BRILLIANT!! Very Happy

Loved the chapter! I felt like I was actually there with the three of them, and the emotions were so real. Great work.

For the DP, Do nothing. There is nothing we can do, except try to console Mike. I wouldn't want to push and ask him what happenned to Julian or what happened to his victims. He would probably scream "They're all dead".

Just stay with him and keep quiet. We don't REALLY know how close Julian and Mike were, except that "they were very close". There would be a lot going through Mike's mind now, and posing questions wouldn't be the nicest thing to do. Wait till he's a bit better, perhaps.
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 22, 2011 5:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

oops! i did double post when i edited. haha! weird...anywho, thanks for the encouragement everyone! this was a high-strung chapter, and i was honestly worried about how well it would go over...or if it would crash and burn completely...haha!
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 3:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Brilliant Wink

Id like to see this move on now... :/
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 8:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

gimme a bit, Vikas...i AM working 40+ hours a week while doing this. Wink
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 8:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Voah... sorry Razz
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 5:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hahaha! s'ok. Wink not just too many people know about that...well...i guess they do now. haha!
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 03, 2011 8:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I created a tie... sorry. But I can see how both results can work together. Can you do that?
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 03, 2011 4:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i can totally do something with it. XD

sorry for the giant delay, but there will be new chapters in BOTH my SGs TONIGHT. i promise.
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 03, 2011 7:53 pm    Post subject: Chapter 7 Reply with quote

I apologize to those of you who voted "steal the record" it will come, i promise...but it just didnt fit this chapter. i hope you like it anyway.

*****
Mike

I couldn’t believe this was happening. It had never gone this far before. I’d witnessed Julian’s passionate anger on very few occasions, but never had he taken it this far. He’d never killed himself over someone.

Julian’s power was unique. “A gift of the gods” I’d heard one of our Gifted instructors call it…but it came with a high price. Perhaps if anyone but Julian had been given this Gift, it wouldn’t have been so difficult for the user…In fact, I can clearly remember verbally assaulting a few people for insinuating that Julian’s give had been wasted on “someone like him”.

Julian is the strongest, most noble man I know. His body just hasn’t realized it yet. Aside from the many temporary illnesses that had landed him in the hospital (or in John’s care if he protested loudly enough), Julian chronically suffered from asthma. He spent most of our younger days in and out of the hospitals which played a part in making us the men we are today—polar opposites, yet best friends. Julian became a quiet, cool headed introvert—silently guarding those he cared about while doing little in defense of himself (and doing a hell of a job at it if I do say so), and I became…well…me—rough, mouthy defender of the weak…Truth be told though, I wouldn’t be able to protect anyone if I tried…and believe me…I have…

But I sat there (if you can call it sitting) in the hospital floor, unable to form a thought much less speak, while the girl I’d come to call one of my best friends duct taped me back together. She, like me, was still in a state of shock. Her slender hands shook as she carefully pulled all my pieces together and wrapped the tape around me. Though her accuracy was perfect, she was barely watching what she was doing—her reddened eyes fixed in a glazed stare. Silent tears streaked her lovely face.

When my mind started working again, I replayed the events of the past few minutes. We had been talking and having a wonderful time, and then Julian had gotten quiet. Well, more quiet than usual. Aria had noticed it too. Those green eyes of hers had been studying him quietly for several minutes. I don’t think she realized she was doing it.

When I looked at Julian, the look on his face told me everything I needed to know about the situation. I’d seen it before.

Julian and I met in the first grade. Most kids our age were at the phase where our powers were becoming evident, but I was one of the lucky few that were born obvious freaks. My “Gift” was always the topic of torment for as long as I can remember. One day (like many before), I’d lost my arm, and one of the boys in my class was running away from me with it.

The boy was faster, and eventually I gave up. Out of breath and pissed off, I sat down—yelling insults at him—but this was not the reaction the boy wanted. He wanted tears, and I simply wasn’t the type of boy to oblige. That’s when things got really ugly.

Knowing what my body was capable of, the boy began pulling my fingers from their sockets—which hurt like hell since the separation was forced, but I was tough, and only shouted further insults while the rest of my body began crumbling under the stress. (I was worse at staying together then than I am now.)

What I hadn’t noticed until now was the scrawny, pale boy who had made his way to my side. I’d seen this kid before lurking in the back of the class. He never spoke to anyone, but was kind to everyone. His shaggy raven hair hung in his electric blue eyes as he politely asked the boy to give me my arm back. The only response was another removed finger. My defender flinched as if it had been his own.

“Don’t do that,” the words had been simple, but the tone behind them had grown darker. His voice was quiet and timid, but there was definitely a deep strength there that he had yet to discover.

Another finger.

Don’t do that.”

This time, the boy threw my arm on the ground and jumped. As his full weight came down on my disembodied arm, the tears finally came to my stubborn eyes.

DON’T DO THAT,” the boy screamed as his whole body disappeared in a cloud of swirling black.

The next thing I remembered was waking up in the hospital room. It was a double room, and the curtain was open to where I could see the boy from earlier was next to me. He was unconscious, and his parents sat at his bedside looking worried. A voice on my other side caught my attention.

“Hey, baby,” my mom’s voice was shaky and tired sounding. “Looks like you had a rough day again, huh?”

I only nodded, examining my own body as I did. I was surprised to see that my arm was still missing…as were both my legs.

“Mom?” I had asked, frightened. Her reluctance to tell me about it was evident, but there was really no way for her to cover it up.

“Julian,” she began, “the boy who was with you—he found his Gift today…they think his body made a vortex of some sort…the boy you were fighting with is gone…and so are…” Here, she stopped and cried. Given the childhood I’d already dealt with at this early age, I wasn’t an easy scare…my missing limbs didn’t worry me too much. Even if they did, I had to be mom’s man. I was the only one she had, after all.

My eyes wandered to the other bed. It seemed like the boy was hooked up to more monitors than I could count. I thought back on what he’d done for me. I knew it took guts for him to do what he’d done. Julian. You’re a pretty cool kid.

It was after visiting hours were over that Julian finally awoke. I had been doodling on a napkin to busy myself, but looked up when I heard him stir. He was his usual quiet self—just lay there observing the surroundings for a moment. When he saw me though, he bolted upright, causing several of the monitors to squeal.

“Your arm!” he cried. I moved the blanket ever so slightly, “AND your legs?? What happened??”

“You don’t remember?” The confused look on Julian’s face told me he didn’t. “You stood up for me when that jerk took my arm…thanks.” Julian’s face dropped. Apparently he remembered now.

“I did this,” It was a cold, shameful statement coming from one so small. “I got angry…I wanted him to pay for what he was doing to you…and then he was gone.” He looked to the place where my legs should have been. “I guess I went too far…”

“Maybe a little,” I laughed. He finally laughed too. We spent the whole night laughing and playing games the nurses gave us.

Around midnight though, something changed with Julian. He started spacing out—stopping in mid-sentence. His eyes turned glassy and another of the violent vortexes tore from his small body.

When it stopped, the room was a mess. Nurses had rushed in, screaming orders to bring a gurney for the frightened boy who had landed against the wall, shivering slightly. Julian was picking himself up off the floor next to the opposite wall, looking dazed. Blood streamed down his arm from the IV that had ripped out.

After a few counseling sessions, the bully was fine…though he was never a bully again. It took almost a week for all my body parts to be recovered from Julian’s void…each one a little colder than the previous ones. I laugh every time I think of it now.

Julian taught himself to control his power over the next few years until he had it to a science. He would practice taking in small things and instantly releasing them from time to time. He couldn’t do it too often, and he couldn’t hold anything for very long as it taxed his body heavily, but the power he harnessed within that Gift was something truly incredible to behold. Never again had I seen him use it on another person…until the incident with Aria.

Aria.

This is where my mind entered the little room again. Aria had finished taping me back together, and I was lying in the floor. She crouched near me next to the wall, staring blankly at the floor with tears still streaming down her cheeks.
I knew exactly how she felt. Though I doubted she’d experienced this feeling before today. It wasn’t my first.

No, in fact, Aria very much reminded me of someone I’d lost. They looked nothing alike, but they shared the same spirit and demeanor. They were both beautiful, but both were humble. Both had this…aura, almost of love and kindness…and they had both accepted me as I was, without question—a rare quality indeed.

Kaiya was the love of my life. Strawberry hair set off her brown eyes that could paralyze me with a glance. I craved the slightest touch from her porcelain skin so much it hurt. Her every movement was a dance, and the burning of ten thousand stars couldn’t compare to the light of her smile.

She was my best friend. My companion and soulmate.

She completed me—my forbidden love. The darkness that had consumed me since my childhood was demolished when she was near. Everything was brilliant day.

Never could I be what she deserved. I couldn’t hope to come close…yet I dared to try.

Perhaps it was for that reason she was taken from me. Maybe this was my punishment for claiming something to which I had no right. Such joy wasn’t meant for one such as me.

A monster.

A reject.

A weakling.

For all my talk, I was nothing. No good intentions would save the ones I loved. Because of that, I became the clown. I hid myself away behind a mask of stone covered in jokes and “I’m fine”s. Only Julian saw me as I really was. My one true friend…until now.

Yesterday fate shined on me again, and another angel stumbled into my life. She wasn’t my Kaiya, I knew that. But what she was…I couldn’t quite say.

Blindly, I’d run at my fortune again. I hated myself for it. I hated my selfish inability to be alone. I hated that someone like her was willing to love me unconditionally…and I hated that I let myself try again. She was too far above someone like me…and I knew it.

Yet here I was…watching her cry, and daring to wish I could be the one to make her stop.

*****
Well...what does Mike do? does he go with what his heart tells him to do and try to stop her tears? or does he listen to the voice in the back of his mind that tells him to stay silent?
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Amazing chapter. I liked it a lot and finally, we get to know something about our character Very Happy Very Happy Judging by the state he is in, I'd say Mike stays silent.
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 04, 2011 9:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

One of the best chapters I've read from you to date An! You really delivered us the goods here - tension, tragedy, empathy. It was tough cuz I think a lot of guys feel like they might just be a Mike rather than a Julian. Fate deals such cruel cards sometimes.

But yeah, LOVE this and I'm really looking forward to seeing how you play it all out. Could go a couple of ways, all very interesting in the extreme.

Lets crank up the issue a notch. Aria isn't really smitten with Mike (yet) for she has her eyes on Julian. She likes Mike, and is capable of really loving him, though perhaps never as a true 'mate'. I say we increase the problems to come for all three and have Mike show a compassionate, kind, and insightful side that would melt any girl's heart. He's going to shine on her right now - much as he may not wish to, he won't be able to help himself... Love has a way of taking self-control and inner wisdom and throwing it out the window. He knows that he's stepping in on his best friend's territory (or is he, whispers a thought in the back of his mind... did HE not meet Aria first??? What makes him automatically assume that he should move aside just because the two of them have obvious interet in each other? Maybe its time to grow a pair... etc...)

So yeah, he councils and consoles and gets her giggling again. He bares a hidden part of his soul to her, perhaps something about the other girl... Kaiya. And he shows in himself a very loveable side.
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 04, 2011 9:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm completely in agreement with TB there, Andi. Certainly some of your best writing to date. I loved seeing things from Mike's point of view, and hearing first hand about his inner feelings for Aria, and emotions on Julian's situation. Their backstory was wonderful, and the connection between the two men isn't going to be easily broken, I think, considering the price that Julian nearly paid to help Mike. And yet, if feelings keep growing within them for Aria, someone is going to get desperately hurt here, and I don't like the thought of it happening to any of them. In fact, due to the relationships that have developed between them, it's likely there's going to be some hurt on all of their shoulders. Wonderful storyline you have growing here, Andi,even though there's going to become a point, me thinks, when one will have to get the tissues out whilst reading. Wink


DP wise, I think that Mike should comfort Aria, but try and keep it to being just as friends for now. Whatever his romantic interest in her is, she's also his friend, and very much needs him to be there for her right now. Put all ideas of love from his mind, both his and the others, and just concentrate on being a friend.


Still very much loving this, girl! Keep it up! Smile

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 04, 2011 1:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

He him tell that inner voice to stow it and stay and console her
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

yes.... gooood! This begins looking darker by the moment... the shadow rises and jealousy reigns, as it should in any really GOOD romance tale.

I say he would still feel hopeless though, and would certainly think his friend would get her no matter what he does. So I say he suddenly seems kinda depressed and bummed out and just sits back drowning in his own misery. This might wake her up from her own personal self absorption here, which would be even more intriguing.
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2011 4:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ok. so i leave for Greece for 2 weeks on Thursday, so i'm going to hurry this along a bit & go ahead & poll so that hopefully i can have a new chapter up before i leave. =)
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 10:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bravissimo, Lyn! Smile None of the comments on the excellency of your writing are wrong. Hope you're having fun in Greece. Wink

I don't think the Romeo act would help here. She needs a strong, towering pillar in the middle of the crumbling temple of her emotions. Though he shouldn't intrude, he shouldn't back off. Just like a pillar. I believe it is up to her to decide, and he should be himself while she does. I don't think she's the kind of girl interested in meaningless bravado. She can see sounds, so to her the tone and the sincerity of one's words is the most important aspects.

My My 2 Cents

Smile

*Sits down, munches on some popcorn, and waits for the next chapter*
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 16, 2011 1:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

*curses at self*

Voted from the wrong account(the treasurey), sorry! I'll keep away from voting with this one.
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 16, 2011 1:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

And not only that, but you managed to tie it. Wink

We still have time, she said she'll be back by the 20th of this month. Still a week to go. Very Happy
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 7:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yep, I noticed the tie part.

*resits temptation to break tie*
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2011 2:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've fallen well behind on this, but just to let you know, I'm working through to catch up. Smile
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2011 6:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

*still waiting*

Oh, btw, there's a tie there now Wink
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2011 10:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i'm still waiting for my muse...*kicks muse* she's being a slacker on this one right now...LOL it will come though, i promise!
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 19, 2011 10:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ok...so here's a rundown of my summer so far...went to greece...caught some crazy unknown virus on the way home from Greece that came close to killing me ((destroyed my immune system and caused dehydration that required 13 bags of IV fluids)) and landed me in the hospital for a week...was stuck on bedrest feeling like total crap for a week after that...returned to work, still feeling like crap, then came down with Mono, and am STILL trying to recover from that...let's just say that Julian's health isnt completely fictional...

BUT, i'm back!! and ready to get this thing rolling again! hang on! cuz here we go!!

Aria

I tried to pull myself together. This girl was new—unfamiliar. Never before had a crisis paralyzed me like this. Why was this time different? Why was it that all I seemed to be able to do was stare blankly at the floor? Even as I wondered though, here I was, sitting against the wall…staring at the floor. I’d put Mike back together already…or had I? I couldn’t remember, but either way, he was all in one piece next to me.

All that filled my mind was a vision of Julian’s pale, lifeless face.

He died.

Right there in front of me. The nurses had called the time and everything. But then he was alive. It truly made no sense. And now he was gone—whisked away down the hall somewhere.

I had just gone through the motions of getting Mike back together, and I knew I should be comforting him, but something in the way he was staring at the ceiling told me it wouldn't do any good at the moment. I knew the nurses wouldn't have any idea at this point, but I was dying to know where they'd taken Julian and how he was doing.

My thoughts were interrupted by an arm sliding around my shoulders. I looked up, and found that Mike's crimson irises were eying me carefully as if he was waiting to see what I was about to do.

"Are you alright?" we said together, and both of us laughed grimly. There was a silence, and I nodded, "Yeah...I'm alright." Mike was silent for a while longer before nodding. I let my head fall to where it was resting against his, and together, we sat in the floor of the hospital room for the better part of an hour. There was a comfort in being with Mike that I had come to adore. There, with his arm around me, and his thick head of hair against the side of my face, I felt safe.

After that time passed though, my mind began cranking again, and my curiosity about Julian's whereabouts got the better of me. I could tell I wasn't alone in this feeling as Mike had begun to fidget where he sat a short while before.

"He'll be fine," Mike had said, "He likes to give us a good scare every now and again, but he always bounces back." I could tell though, that the words were solely for my benefit. The fact that he was still having a slight bit of trouble remaining in one piece told me he was worried too.

"I want to go find him...or find his chart," I nodded. "Since it seems no one plans to come and tell us what's going on."

Mike released me, and I stood. I peered out into the hallway before sliding the rest of my hospital gown-clad self into it. Thankfully they had allowed me to put on my pjs underneath just before Mike had come.

I headed off in the direction they had taken Julian. I knew they would have taken him into critical care, and I also knew it would take some working to get in, seeing as how I didn't have my badge and pass key with me.

As I reached the doors to critical care, rosy pink sound waves stopped me in my tracks.

"What are you doing out of your room? You've not been discharged yet," the voice belonged to Agnes, a nurse on the floor I'd just left. I rolled my eyes before turning on my heel.

"Heeeey, Agnes...I need to know what happened to Julian..." it occurred to me then that I'd never learned Julian's last name. Note to self...ask Mike.

"Sorry, Sweetheart," her fake sweetness had always gotten on my nerves...but it really did today for some reason, "only the young man's family may get information on him at this time." I really wanted to punch that smiling facade right off her face.

"Agnes, I was in the room when he...he..." I couldn't finish, but Agnes didn't mind doing it for me.

"He died," her voice was flat and emotionless. She didn't care. Like so many nurses I'd worked with, Julian was just another room number. I winced at her words before answering through clenched teeth.

"Yeah," I couldn't believe her nerve at that moment. My face grew hot as my anger built to a breaking point. "Anyways, he's my best friend, and I just watched him die. You're going to tell me how he's doing...NOW." I was leaning over the short woman, forcing her to look up in order to lock eyes with me.

The nurse's face turned red in anger as she fought to keep her temper locked back, but before she could unleash it on me, crimson and black soundwaves came over my shoulders, followed by Mike's arm as he lead me away down the hallway. He had my belongings and discharge papers in his other hand.

"Let's go, Ari, the nice lady can't break protocol just for us kids," I was too confused to answer at the time. It wasn't like the Mike I knew to walk away from a fight...or to leave his best friend like that.

Aside from being shocked, I was furious. When we were outside, I stopped short, ripping the gown off myself and throwing it to the ground.

"What was that??" I demanded. "He DIED Mike!! Don't you want to know if he's still alive now??" Mike only smiled at me, allowing me my vent before he shuffled around in his pocket for a moment. While he did, I grabbed my hoodie out of his hands and threw it on over my black cami shirt.

"Had to get you out of there before that woman shouted at you...otherwise, I might have had to go off on her," He tossed me something when he was finished. I caught the small, metal device and stared at it for a moment. A flashdrive? What does that have to do with anything??

"So, I happened to be walking by an open computer on my way up to find you...and I couldn't resist hacking it," the mischievous grin on Mike's face made me worry a little. "You don't need to ask anyone how he's doing...you can see the chart for yourself with that. I got enough information to be able to hack the hospital mainframe from the cave. We will see things as soon as they're posted." I stared at him in awe. "What? We had to figure something out when he kept getting put in there. Otherwise we'd never know how he's doing." He winked at me, and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Alright, little Miss," he offered me his arm, "lets get back home and check on our patient." I took it, and together we walked back to the place I was growing to see as "home".

*****

Alright, Kids, i know this one is really short compared to my usual chapters, but cut me some slack...i'm trying to get back into the groove of this one since my Muse ran out on me awhile back.

DP. here we go. what do Aria and Mike find? will he live? is he in a coma? maimed for life? are they unsure what's going to happen? or is he just peachy and they'll let him go in a few days? it's all in your hands...yes, you have a lot of power on this one. Wink
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 19, 2011 10:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I say that he's in a coma but are unsure as if he'll wake or not
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 19, 2011 10:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Andolyn wrote:
ok...so here's a rundown of my summer so far...went to greece...caught some crazy unknown virus on the way home from Greece that came close to killing me ((destroyed my immune system and caused dehydration that required 13 bags of IV fluids)) and landed me in the hospital for a week...was stuck on bedrest feeling like total crap for a week after that...returned to work, still feeling like crap, then came down with Mono, and am STILL trying to recover from that...let's just say that Julian's health isnt completely fictional...



HOLY ****!

Get well soon...

Anyway, I liked the chapter.. Though the beginning confused me with the POV, the rest of it was pretty good. I am seeing a Mike-Aria relationship here. Julian needs to come back quick to make this interesting and THAT is my answer to the DP Smile
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 2:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't see how he'll recover any time soon after almost dying. So I say he's in coma too.
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 11:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Woohoo! A new CoS chapter! Wink


I have to say, I'm almost feeling Aria's frustration myself, at that woman. Was willing Aria to give her a good smack in the mouth. *giggles* But all turned out well, thanks to Mike. Smile


I have to say, my first thoughts were coma too...though I hate to just give the same option as everyone else. He certainly wouldn't be okay, that's for sure. Considering how weak his powers make him anyway, this is going to take some time to recover, me thinks...Although...considering that Aria somehow managed to bring him back to life (though I'm not sure if it was by chance, or through some power she didn't know that she had), I'm wondering if that could have an effect on his recovery too? Or maybe, upon finding that Julian still has very little chance of survival, Aria, after consideration of what happened, might decide to go back, to see if she could help him further?

That's a little bit more than the dp is asking, but I couldn't help it. *giggles*

No worries about the length, Andi. It was fabulous anyway! One would never guess you were having trouble with your muse. Wink

Looking forward to chapter 9! Keep up the good work!

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 11:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

thanks, guys!! good to be back on this one. and, Tika, that dp suggestion was AWESOME. lol!
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2011 12:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I enjoyed this, but I say, lets do the 'shocking' thing, and have him die. Then we somehow find out that he has only died 'physically' and that his soul/mind has been sucked back into his own vortex dimmension. He returns in the body of one he sent to the vortex quite some time ago, with the same vortex powers he always had... but now, sadly, his actual body is truly dead.
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2011 1:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why not do the opposite, TB? Have him become a robot-like vegetable, only responding to orders and a single notion of having to protect Aria with no regard for the consequences? Could be fun that way too. Wink
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2011 8:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i have to say, Cy, i dont quite understand your option. haha!

and T, that would work, except due to the nature of his vortexes, anything taken inside WILL come back out eventually. he can't hold anything in for very long, especially not something as large as a human being...but perhaps he's in the vortex and therefore only seen as a shadowy, translucent being without a real body?
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2011 9:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

and we're POLLING!!!!
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2011 11:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why not combine the options?! Its possible..
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2012 6:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Broke a tie.
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2012 8:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I KNOOOOOW it's been a ridiculous amount of time since the last chapter of this one, but I FINALLY have a good, solid direction for it to go. That, and Line of Kavanagh is complete! *Cheers and dances around excitedly* Anywho, here's the next chapter of the story you love, and a step in a new direction! enjoy!!

*****

Mike

I couldn’t believe it. I REALLY couldn’t believe it. I sat there with Aria in the dim lighting of the Lair, staring at the computer screen that now showed me everything from the hospital mainframe, and I couldn’t believe it. I had hacked this system’s surface many times before trying to get information when Julian was having a crisis, but this time, it must have been one of the higher-ups that left the computer open, because I’d snagged enough on my little flash drive to give me access to the entire system, top to bottom. I knew the top. I’d visited it many times, but the bottom. Now that’s where things got interesting.

Through my unique skillset as a hacker, I learned today that the hospital was actually a cover for a much deeper, much more sinister operation—one that focused on harnessing and exploiting the powers of Gifteds. Their latest targets?

Aria and Julian.

They already had Julian. From the file, he was still in a coma-type state, but his vitals were inexplicably normal. He was a prime target, really. Not only was he the most powerful Gifted I’d ever met, he’d gone from dead as a doornail to the image of health in seconds, and the only explanation was Aria.

Now, Aria, they’d been watching for some time apparently. They had no need to detain her at this stage in their investigation, as she already worked there. They could observe her without raising suspicion…and observe her, they had. There was security camera footage from her first day of work up until the day before yesterday when she’d clocked out before heading home. They were fully aware of the fact that she was deaf and could see sound waves, and they’d made a note of her tricks with bringing life to whatever she drew, but the true reason for their observation was something even Aria herself hadn’t picked up on.

She had a third power.

I watched the blonde girl sitting next to me very carefully. She continued to stare at the computer screen with a look of utter shock on her porcelain face. This must be so much for her to take in.

“Aria…” I started, reaching my hand out to place it on her shoulder.

“We have to get him out.” She startled me with her sudden speech. Did she miss the part where they’d been taping her life for the last several months? Okay…how about the part where she had a power she didn’t freaking know about?? My thoughts were silenced before I could speak them however. The way she looked at me told me that she hadn’t, in fact, been paying attention to the parts about herself at all.

“They’re using him as a test subject,” the anger in Aria’s eyes was something new. I hadn’t know her for long, but I already knew just how kind and caring the girl was…apparently she was pretty damned defensive too.

“See?” She pointed to a place on the screen, frowning at it, “They’re planning to tell us he died. They want to keep him there and dissect him for the science fair.” Had the circumstances been different, I would have laughed at that statement, but Aria’s words held no humor, and I knew it.

This organization, the Society for Generalization of Gifteds (SGG for short), aimed to take the powers of Gifteds and find ways to distribute their abilities to the general populous, selling to the highest bidder, of course. There was no way of telling how many Gifteds they’d already taken and tested until they died, but Julian and Aria were next on their list.

We stared at the screen. Footage of the vortex and Julian’s death was playing. The camera zoomed in on Aria when she ran at Julian’s body and went back to him when he woke. Then, to my surprise, it flashed to what looked like a live feed. Julian was lying on what looked like a surgical table. He was hooked to monitors I’d never even seen before, and had fluids of every color in the rainbow being pushed through his veins.

I could literally feel Aria’s tension as she sat next to me, trembling in her anger. Without warning, she slammed her hands onto the table and stood.

“We have to go get him back,” she spat through her teeth.

“You can’t seriously be thinking of going back there,” I stood as well, hands in the air in an attempt to pacify her somewhat. Julian was my best friend, but letting Aria get anywhere near that clinic wasn’t something I was willing to risk…and I knew Julian wouldn’t either.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Aria was clearly not thinking this through. She turned her back on me as I answered her, obviously using her disability as a means of ignoring me. Finally, I took her by the shoulders and wheeled her around.

“Aria, look at me!!” I yelled. I immediately regretted it when I saw the tears in her eyes. So that’s really why she turned around…

“It’s my fault, Mike,” her voice trembled with the words. “They took him because I used my freak powers on him.”

“You saved his life, Aria,” I knew my words weren’t getting through to her, but I tried non-the-less.

“Did I?” her reply took me by surprise. “Did I save his life? Or did I draw out his death? If we don’t get him out, they’ll kill him, Mike. They will poke and prod and run their tests until there’s nothing left to even throw in the garbage!!”

“Alright! Alright!” I threw my hands in the air. I knew she was right, but there had to be something we could do besides barging in with guns blazing…we didn’t even have any guns to blaze. “But Aria, you’re just as high on their list as he is. They want to strap you to a table right next to him. You can’t go back there.”

Aria looked at me defiantly.

“If they wanted me that badly, they would have had me already, Mike. I’ve worked there almost every day for the last several months. According to that report, they’ve known for some time now that I have the ability to…heal people…”

I could see from the look in those cucumber eyes that I wasn’t going to win this fight, but I still had to try. I was also too stubborn to let her know she’d won just yet.

“That’s true, but now you’ve not only been making kids feel better,” I argued desperately. “Aria, you brought someone back from the dead. That’s a whole new level of crazy!”

“But what am I supposed to do?” Aria stood now with her arms crossed over her chest. “Right now, they still think I’m clueless. If I alert them to the fact that I know everything, I’ll be hunted.”

“Call in sick!” I protested. “They KNOW you just got injured! It would make sense that you need a few days off!”

“And then how are we going to get even CLOSE to Julian?” Her voice got higher in pitch the longer we went on. Again, under different circumstances, I probably would have laughed. At this moment, though, the stress of everything was starting to get to me. I could feel my limbs growing looser, so I mimicked her stance with by crossing my own arms and prayed my shoulders didn’t give. “You can’t just go wandering around the hospital alone! That would tip them off that something was up just as quickly as me disappearing. And we certainly can’t just wait here while they kill him again!”

She was right. I knew it, but I—I…

“I CAN’T LOSE YOU TOO!!” AAAND there went the shoulders, both arms crashing to the floor with them. I didn’t mean to yell at her; it just sort of came out. It broke through to her though. The look on her face said I now had her full attention. Gone was the calculating, angered expression of the one looking for a way to beat an impossible enemy. Her face was now adorned with shocked realization as it finally occurred to her that she mattered to me just as much as Julian did.

She stared at me, blinking for several endless moments before looking down at my arms as though she’d just noticed they were in the floor. I, too, stared at her, waiting for her to respond. Silently, she bent and slowly picked up my arms. She laid one on the table before pulling out her roll of duct tape and gently putting the other back where it belonged. This time, when she spoke, her voice was a quavering whisper, already drowning in the tears that had yet to fall from her eyes.

“What are we going to do, Mike?”

*****

Alright, folks! The DP is just that...what ARE they going to do? How can they get Julian out without endangering Aria? CAN they get him out without her? You decide!! Hope you enjoyed it!
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2012 4:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Andi!


I've been looking forward to a new CoS chappie for a while now, and I'm not disappointed. That was fab! The plot thickens and the intentions of the real enemy are revealed! And aren't they total bastards! Lol!


Your lead characters continue to be likable and endearing, to the point that you had me on the edge of my seat wondering how they're going to get Julian out of that place, and what they plan to do once they've done so, along with the worries that his body/mind may have been irreparably damaged by the tests that are being performed upon him. Nail-biting stuff! Wink


For the DP, I'm thinking that Mike and Aria are going to have a hell of a job pulling this off alone. I think they should see if they can gather a few more Gifted together, and see what kind of plan they can come up with together. The abilities of other Gifted my assist them in their quest, depending on what their powers are.


Much enjoyed, Andi, and I can't wait to see more from this tale soon! Keep up the good work! Smile

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2012 7:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hallelujah...its back...and still amazing

I'm going to side with Tika on this. Safety in numbers...especially since Mike doesn't have the most useful of abilities.
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2012 9:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Awesome chapter, Andi! I really like where this story is going.

I agree with Tika. Gather a bunch of trusted gifted together. It's time for a rescue mission. Super abilities aren't the most important thing in a heist. The planning phase is the most important part. Oh by the way, Mike's hacking abilities will certainly come in handy. Very Happy
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 02, 2012 2:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

polling!! Very Happy
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 02, 2012 10:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

...and voted! Very Happy
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 1:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Caught up, and voted Wink
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 25, 2012 1:28 pm    Post subject: Chapter 10 Reply with quote

Mike

She’d been a trooper through this, but Aria finally started to break down while we waited for reinforcements. It was decided that we would indeed go in for Julian…but we couldn’t do it alone. John was already on his way home from the hospital, and we had called in anyone we thought would believe us to help with the mission. Basically, just our group of misfits…this wasn’t going to be easy.

The rough plan was that Aria was to play bait. She would march into the hospital and ask to see Dr. Wilhelm…the one who’d left his computer open. Knowing their interest in her, we were banking on him agreeing to see her immediately. Once she had him alone, Aria would signal the rest of us, and John would come in and…use his gift…on the man. Once we had his access key, anything in the hospital would open up to us, and our team of misfits would infiltrate the hospital, causing a ruckus, and allowing us time to get to the lower levels and find Julian.

Aria sat before me with her head in her hands. Her long, blonde hair formed a curtain around her face that kept me from seeing her expression, but the shudder of her body and the glint of water as it dripped to the floor told me she was crying. She’d been this way for about five minutes now, and I really wasn’t sure what to do. Her words were mumbled and drowned in tears, but I could still make out what she was saying.

“This is all my fault, Mike,” she sobbed. “They didn’t know anything about him until he used his power for me. It should be me in there all that table, not him. They shouldn’t even know he exists as anything besides Abby’s brother.”

“Don’t talk like that,” I answered her. “Julian wouldn’t want you to.”

“But it’s true,” she looked at me, the whites of her eyes blood red and contrasting with her green irises. “You two have done so much for me, and you didn’t even know me. You’ve both loved and accepted me from the first moment we met. You’ve helped me open up like I haven’t since I was a little girl, and Julian…he gave his life for me. Mike, I know it’s crazy. We just met, but…I think I’m in love with him.”

It was easy to see the pained confusion in her eyes. It was obvious she’d never felt this way before, and it frightened her. Surprisingly enough, this revelation didn’t hurt me. It was true, I could have let myself fall in love with Aria, but in the short time I’d known her, the girl had taught me something very important. She’d taught me that romanticism wasn’t the only love that existed. Just watching her interact with me, and with the children…and with Julian, she’d displayed so many different loves, and to her, each of them was just as important as the others. The fact that she found herself falling in love with Julian in no way discounted the love she had for me…and that was alright.

Again, my mind went to Kaiya, and with this turn in thought, my heart fell to the pit of my stomach, and I remembered the pain that Aria now felt. For Kaiya, the blame was mine. It was my weakness that ended her life.

Our apartment was small, but it was ours, and it marked the beginning of our life together. It was on the fifth floor of a corner building in the large city in which we lived. Our neighborhood wasn’t the friendliest, but we had each other, and that’s really all we needed. She was in school to be a doctor, and I was entertaining my dreams of being the director of a hit movie.

We had been happy there, and with Kaiya, I knew that I was something worth loving. My oddities made her laugh, and she loved every awkward moment I created. All at once, though, that dream life crashed and burned.

By the time we woke up, the flames had already filled our little home. The door was blocked by fire and debris, so our only choice was to head for the fire escape. The thing was made of old, rusty metal that hadn’t been through an inspection in years. Out of necessity, Kaiya and I made our way out onto the rickety structure and started to climb down.

We made it down two landings when the unthinkable happened. The stairs below Kaiya’s feet gave way and the escape below us crumbled to the ground. The only thing keeping my love from falling to her death was the grip that I had on her slender wrist.

That is when I learned to hate my “gift”.

The heat was all around us, and Kaiya was crying in fear. I held her with all my might, but the stress of it all was getting to me, and I could feel my limbs detaching. Cursing under my breath, I held the arm that held my love with my other arm. I can still hear her cries. I can still hear her screams as she begged me not to let her go dangling there above the fire and the hard ground.

But I did.

Under the stress, both of my arms gave way, and I was left to watch as the love of my life faded away into the flaming abyss below, screaming all the way. I remember lying on the remainder of the fire escape weeping until the firemen finally got to me. My arms had been severely burned, but they were returned to me, and eventually, they healed…but my heart never did.

Now, I watched Aria sit here, crying and blaming herself, knowing her pain all too well. I was currently feeling a pain similar to hers as Julian was my best friend. Carefully, I reached out and placed a hand on her trembling shoulder.

“We’re going to get him back, Aria,” I whispered. I knew she couldn’t hear me, but I said it all the same. “We’re going to get him back.”

*****

Alright. This is going to be a strange, experimental type DP...instead of deciding what to do...I want you readers to each design me a character. I want to know, if you were a "Gifted" what would be your powers...and how would you use them to help in this situation? You know the general plan...I want you to fill in the details. Remember, you're one of the misfits, so have fun with it, and be unique!!
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 25, 2012 5:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Andi!

Wow, this is an awesome chapter, Andi and with an equally awesome DP to go with it! Literally my mind is just flitting with idea for that right now. But we'll come to that later. Chapter first. Wink

As I was reading, my heart just went out to both Mike and Aria. Mike's back-story was completely and utterly tragic, and the fact that he's having to relive it because someone else that he cares about could potentially go through the same thing makes one feel for him all the more.

And Aria, being in love for the first time, only to have the risk of losing said love before a romance has even started. I mean, I'm hoping that Julian will definitely get through the whole thing, but just knowing that she's feeling so broken about it and thinking that somehow she's to blame is heartbreaking.

And, as always, beautifully written and much enjoyed! Smile


For the DP, you're going to have to wait a little bit. Give me a chance to mull things over and I'll post it up asap! Wink


Great chapter, Andi! Keep up the good work!

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 3:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Caught up! Very Happy

Yeah that was really nice. Frankly, I wasn't expecting the storyline to go "evil-organisation-steals-our-powers". I was initially disappointed but the fact that you got me reading the entire 2 chapters is amazing. And its not like I don't like the chapters. You're writing style still impresses and I still want to continue reading this which is good Wink

Still confused as to what to do with the powers. Would have suggested the one my character had in The CoS role-play, but sadly, we're dealing with a guy here :/ Razz

Will post DP suggestion soon
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Be sure to read HATE in Romance section Wink



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PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 1:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Love it! Love the Mike perspective in the last couple chapters. His backstory is truly tragic and i feel for him. I know that pain. Anwho, onto the DP.

I had a hard time designing only one character. So Here are all three I cam up with

Victor Viking: Large intimidating figure with a long mane of red hair. Often dresses in fur/leather which makes him resemble his namesake. Like to drink. Favorite drink is Mead. Doesn't speak. His gift is the ability to freeze things just by touching them.

Harrison "The Spartan" Reid: MMA fighter. About 5'10 around 200 lbs. Undefeated record. Short brown hair. His gift is the ability to turn his flesh into bronze.

Liam Fahey: Irishman. Short red hair. Always seen wearing a pair of mirrored sunglasses and his woolen trenchcoat. Also a fan of leather pants. His gift is the ability to generate flames from his fingertips. Able to create a full fledged inferno fairly easily.

There ya go...three characters. You're welcome...can't wait for more.
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 12:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice one, Andi! I love the emotions and the flashback in the chapter, and I also love the experimental DP you've put forward. Very Happy

Here's my character:

Kristina Vesely, or just Krissy. A little girl of Eastern European descent, around the age of 6. She appears to be blind, at least in terms of her eyes. Her power is that she's able to "sense" most living things, even through walls up to a few hundred feet away. This includes small animals, and even insects, as long as there is complex neurological activity.

When she's in close proximity to another human being, she will also feel their emotions, be it fear, grief, fury or elation. Being a child, she doesn't understand that her own emotions are different from those of others. This could be the reason why she's very easily distracted, frustrating those who tries to communicate with her. She generally prefers the company of her loyal 5-year old German Shepherd. It is unclear if she's also able to sense an animal's emotions.

As for how she can be useful: she'll be providing intel on how many people there are in each room, obviously. Good luck on getting an easily distracted 6-year old do what you want, though.

Why and how this young girl found her way to the group of misfits, I'll let Andi decide. Smile

p.s. yes, I realise I've taken some liberty in designing this character. Andi has full rights to completely change anything, should she chooses to use her (or parts of her).
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2012 4:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I really hate to say this, but I TOTALLY forgot to write out the character for this DP!!! I feel so ashamed!

Anyway...As there's already two main guys in the form of Julian and Mike, I figured another girl would be welcome to the mix.

Ava Regan - Ava is fourteen, nearly fifteen, and her power is to be able to move walls. Say she's running down a corridor trying to get away from someone, and hits a DEAD END!!! OH CRAP, right? Wrong! Using her power, Ava can move the existing wall around to block off the path on which she's being persued (brick, mortar and all!!!), and then move the wall that's in her way of escape as well, so that she can scarper while the jackasses chasing her can stand there scratching their heads, wondering where the hell she went to.

Appearance/personality wise, she's a tall girl and gangly, awkward looking, but has facial features that are visually pleasant and show that she'll be attractive once she's grown in to them. Long, dark-blonde hair that's usually neatly tied back, and pale skin with a spattering of freckles. She's shy and uncomfortable around crowds and takes a little while to feel comfortable enough around people to relax and enjoy their company.

Hope this is enough, and sorry for the delay. Sad *damns my forgetful head*

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 8:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh. My. Gosh. I am loving this, Andolyn!

You've got a lot of great characters here (though I will say my favorite is Mike), and I love how you switch the POV between them. It gives us information on their history, while at the same time letting us know how they think and moving the story forward. You do very well with capturing their emotions, too. For example, all of their pasts are so vibrantly expressive that I can't help but feel their pain with them, but then when they laugh, I want to laugh too. Fantastic job!

I really like the idea of the story, as well. When I first started reading, I wasn't expecting the secret government plot to harness/steal the powers of the Gifted, but it gives the story a nice depth.

I hope its not too late to create a character for you're DP.... I'll make one just in case, but you certainly don't have to use it if theirs no room/time (it will still be fun just to make one up Razz )

Janelle Kline - 20 years of age, about 5'8". Has the gift of camouflage (sort of like a chameleon).

She discovered/came into her powers when she was 8 while playing hide-and-seek with her friends. After a few hours of not being able to be found, even when she had come out and was standing right in front of their eyes, her parents panicked and filed a missing child report on her. It took her two weeks to be able to revert back so that people could see her. Since then she has been honing her ability, but still has trouble completely masking herself against complicated patterns (like the obnoxious paisley wallpaper in her grandmother's living room) and sometimes just can't get the right shade of color (particularly yellows).

Keeps her mousy-brown hair cropped very short (its harder to change hair when its really long), and is fond of tight-fighting clothes (again, harder to change something loose/baggy/faraway from the surface of her body). Very sarcastic, but very loyal once you make your way through her tough/apathetic emotional exterior and become her friend.

((Sorry if she's lame, haha))

Can't wait for more. Keep it up! Very Happy
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 9:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

She doesn't sound lame at all!! And it's never too late until the chapter is posted. Wink I'll probably start on this chapter once the next chapter of LoK2 is finished...which will hopefully be tonight, by the way. Wink
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 21, 2013 2:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I love the story. It's very well written. I really hope you continue it soon!
Not sure if you still want anymore characters, but if you do I'd like to add one.
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