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Chapter VI (Polling)

 
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 16, 2009 7:39 pm    Post subject: Chapter VI (Polling) Reply with quote

VI

I stood there, watching Jackie console the little girl, caught in a maze of strings and wires. The Prophetess whispered into Jackie’s ears, trembling. Jackie nodded, opening her mouth to speak for a second, but then she paused. Only for a second, but I knew that one second could change a lot. Think of how much my life changed in that second when a gray bolt sped towards me. Jackie spoke in a hesitant voice, but her voice also had a ringing quality to it, a strange quality that made you accept what she said as the absolute truth. “An airplane will crash over France. There will be no survivors.”

The Prophetess’ blonde hair whipped about as she stood up and faced Jackie. Her cheeks burned red. Her voice did not sound like the voice that would belong to a five year old. It sounded immeasurably aged, wise, sad, and creepy. “You should know, Jackie, that the future cannot be subverted so easily. Who can tell where that little story will take us?” With that, she walked back over to the contraption and started the process again. She tuned, she hit, she screamed. Jackie moved to grab her again, but it was needless. She just stood still, surrounded by wires and strings and stared at us.

“What did you see?” Jackie asked hesitantly.

The little girl just stared at us and said two words that brought shivers of memory down my spine. “The grayness.”



As we walked away from the brown double doors, I had to pick up my pace to meet Jackie’s stride. I could tell by looking at her that something wasn’t right, that something was terribly wrong. “What happened?” I asked, quietly.

She looked at me and said nothing.

“What’s wrong?” I persisted. She remained unresponsive and shifted her eyes up in a way that said “Help me God, this boy is an idiot.”

I kept on insisting until she stared at me, grabbed my hand, and led me down the hall. We stopped in front of the doors to the bathrooms and she shoved me in unceremoniously.

It must have been the girl’s bathroom. It smelled nice and the walls were painted a pleasant lavender. I yelped as I stumbled over the doorway and she advanced upon me.

“Are you an idiot? I can’t answer that question in the hall. They’re watching us!” She was livid.

“Who’s watching us, Jackie?” I was confused.

She rolled her eyes as if the answer would be obvious to anyone. “The HM and his office. They keep a close watch on everything to make sure us kids don’t break any rules.”

“Rules? Like, don’t run in the halls?”

“God no!” She amassed all the patience she had and explained. “Look, you know how there are rules in Physics, like gravity? Well there’s rules that Artists have to live with too.”

I blinked.

“What, you that that just because we can do magic there aren’t any rules?” She laughed at my ignorance and I blushed a little. “Of course there’s limits. We aren’t gods or anything. The only difference between our rules and the rules of Physics is that you can sometimes bend our rules, but you can never outright break them.”

I stared at her, uncomprehending.

“There’s also levels. Each tier of power has a different set of rules you have to learn. Take me for instance. I tell stories that come true, no matter what, so I’m a tier 3 Artist. Tier Ones can’t do anything to people, only to non living objects, and the effects of their powers are only temporary. James, that guys who fixed the plate, is a tier 1. Tier Twos can affect an individual, but they can only affect personalities and moods, as well as a large group. Their powers can be either permanent or temporary depending on what they’re doing. Tier Threes, like me, can affect actual events in a specific person’s life. We can sorta mess with how a person’s lives turn out, and our effects are always permanent. Obviously, the limits and laws a Tier One has to learn are different from what I have to learn. Got it?”

I wondered what I was, but Jackie probably didn’t know enough about me to say, so I asked a different question. “But what does this have to do with you breaking the rules? How did you break the rules?”

“I forgot that saying one future won’t negate other set futures. Like if Joe Blow is destined to lose an arm in a war and I say that he’ll actually be at the supermarket and be fine, it’ll end up that he’s at the supermarket fine one day and in a week he goes to war and loses his arm, or something like that.”

“Did you lie to me about the Prophetess’ prediction?”

She remained silent. I didn’t think she would respond, so I tried to change the subject. “And so what if you did try to break the rules? What is the Organization going to do if you did.”

She looked at me gravely, her green eyes serious. “I’d rather not say.”



By the time Jackie had finished showing me around the more interesting parts of the estate-- the place where all the couple traditionally lost it, the various secret corridors spread around the manor, the places in the classrooms where you could sleep and not get caught, and what foods to eat and not to eat if you wanted to live, and led me back to the commons area, Ms. Parker was waiting for us, her toe tapping. Her “I’m glad you’re here, but we need to hurry” smile lit up the room. She nodded at Jackie. “Thank you for your help, but you’re not done yet. The HM wants to speak to you. Please come with us.”

Jackie looked down as if she had been scolded in front of everyone. Ms. Parker put her hand around my shoulder and I shivered with a mix of delight and a new feeling, something like apprehension. We walked down a corridor, past adolescents and teachers walking about, going about their own business. Occasionally one would look at me and smile, or frown, or just stare in amazement. It was unnerving. We went up some steps, maybe three or four and stopped in front of a desk by double doors. Behind the desk sat a small woman. I smiled when I saw her. She actually had a color. A bright, sunshiny yellow. It reminded me of my mother. Pain shot through me as I made this comparison. The doors were imposing creations of different types of mahogany, lighter and darker shades alternating to make a pattern of crosses inside circles[/brown]. It looked like a scope on a gun. The [color=yellow]secretary looked at me and smiled pleasantly. “The Headmaster has been waiting for you, Brandon. Please, walk right on in.”

Jackie swallowed as I placed my hand on the doorknob.

DP!!!

What does the Headmaster say to Brandon?


Sorry I didn’t add any more of the suggested characters in, but I just had to put this DP in here!!!


Last edited by Alegria on Sun Mar 22, 2009 10:42 am; edited 2 times in total
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 1:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good chapter. Its good now that we're starting to see some order in this chaos of artistry!

Well, we have Jackie's obvious attempt at trying to deflect a terrible future by making up a story about an aircrash, the Prophetess's creepy warning to Jackie (she's obviously much more knowledgeable and experienced than Jackie) and the impending greyness - something Brandon has experienced already in the earlier chapters of his adventure - which have sadly disappeared.

But we have a prologue,

Quote:
When he was halfway through his fourteenth year of life, strange dreams of a future where everyone’s color was gray started to haunt him. Even stranger thing happened in English class. A random hole burst into the wall and a gun barrel shot a mysterious gray bolt. Upon instinct, Brandon brought all the colors in the room together into a web. The gray hit the web and the energy went directly to Brandon, who instantly passed out, leaving his classmates (and incompetent English teacher) unharmed.


It was after this he woke up from a coma and was invited to join the organisation of Artists. So - I am assuming the Prophetess has seen this greyness a lot recently, and since this corresponds with Brandon's earlier dreams and he was noticed by his ability to stop the 'grey'.

The head master is going to tell him that there is an enemy organisation, that is out to crush the Artists. If I remember correctly from the lost chapters, Brandon used his powers for the first time to save everyone on a school bus. This must have alerted this 'grey' organisation to his abilities, so they were after him. This lead to the attack with the 'grey' bullet in the English class later on. It almost got him.

The head says that Brandon is at the school for his own safety, but his destiny is to help defeat the grey organisation.

That's my theory. Very Happy
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 3:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's good!

Although, the web of colors was to STOP the school bus (so he wouldn't be late), not to save it, but it still works.
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 2:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I hate to do a bump post, but I don't think many people know this is up here, or is it really that bad? I hate to think that...
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 17, 2009 1:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Get thee to the Shameless Advertising Thread in the Open Forum. Smile
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 17, 2009 5:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I hate the premise on which most of this chapter was based on. I don't remember what the poll option/results were but... a plane crash with no survivors?! She doesn't have to be believed to have her stories come true right? So why not tell him something nice? Short of anything else, she knows what she did say might come true, no way she could just forget something like that. Especially considering that seemed to be the only reason for her to lie in the first place.

Also, what if she had said 'she predicted this event that now is never going to happen'? Or what if she were to say joe blow never went to war or lost his arm? How could both come true?

Well I suppose I could await some greater story vision, but absent knowledge of that, I don't like chapter 4. Absent your greater story vision, I can't think of what the headmaster(maybe female?) might say to brandon.

"the place where all the couple traditionally lost it"

You mean, virginity?

P.S. The reason I hadn't responded before was that I hadn't been checking in much and missed the update.
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 6:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, Purple, I do mean their virginity. Come on, there's a place like that in every town/school if you look hard enough.
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 8:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Also, Purple, in response to your greivances against this chapter, I would like to point out that it was Crunchy's suggestion and she was the ONLY ONE who suggested anything, so I put it in there as the rules of Storygaming dictate. And once again, if no one else has another suggestion, I will default on Crunchy's suggestion.
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 9:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ouch, I feel your pain about deletion, Alegria, once I lost an entire novel that way. Stupid, failing hard drive...

Hmm, it is strange that this SG doesn't get more attention. This is a very fresh kind of take on a classic theme, and having the bias of being a musician, I particularly like that there is a musical connection to the power he has. It's a pity that more people aren't participating.

Is it normal in your SG's for the DP to come from the players as much as they do here? I mean, there seems to be no clear direction or divergence that would lend itself to a DP, but rather a situation where you are asking us what the DP should be. I don't point this out to criticize, only to say that it might have something to do with the participation level of the game. Some of the other Storygamers may feel that if they're going to have to work on content that much, they might as well be working on their own Storygames, you know? Just an observation.

I, however, do not feel that way. As to what the HM could have to say... Crunchy's suggestion is good and classic, but it is also a little tidy and convenient. I suggest, instead of being benevolent, the HM is more skeptical and wary of our hero. I don't want to outright say he has it in for the boy, or is working for these "gray" bad guys (interesting as that could be, I would prefer the mystery of being surprised), but perhaps he was against the boy joining. Maybe he just feels his power is too dangerous; after all, the ability to affect other people with a touch, is the ability to influence what those people can do, which means he could not only potentially abuse his own power, but the powers of those around him. Or, there is the potential position of being worried for the other... er, 'students', I suppose, and what may befall them at the hands of these gray people who are after him. If anything, it provides a contrasting option. Very Happy

I wanted to ask about the gray color as well; I missed the first three chapters in detail, so I was wondering if he has any experience with people who had gray auras, and what sorts of people they were? I am just trying to imagine a world full of gray people. Also, is the threat from his dream just that all people will be gray, or is there a general grayness that is supposed to befall the world on a deeper level? The prophetess's vision almost seems to suggest that as well.

Anyway, don't get discouraged; this story is a good idea!

Very Happy
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 11:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ah yes, I need to update my reference material soon about Grayness and such. Thank you for reminding me, Reiso.
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 2:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You said in last chapter, "whiteys wins by default" I remember looking for awhile trying to find any suggestion posted by a whitey, eventually giving up looking. I think I intended to ask about that but forgot.

If only CF or someone suggests a option, insert one or two of your own, and put up a proper poll anyway! That's how I've seen it done elsewhere, I expected that you would do the same.

If you want more suggestions, then don't make DP that feel like writing the story with you. With a DP, how should a character react, I can deal with better then, what did the prophet say or what will the headmaster say. You've been too mysterious on the direction of the story for me to come up with a proper answer to such. I prefer reaction choices anyway.

As such I was just waiting for you to post a poll so I could see a few options and get a better idea what you were talking about. But instead CF wins by default, under the wrong name, and you included what she suggested Jackie claim she saw, even though that wasn't suppose to be the decision point according to you!(If I had known what Jackie claimed she saw was going to be part of the decision point, I would have certainly posted something to that end, just to counter CF's bad suggestion)

I could have sworn I specifically spoke out against that plane crash thing anyway. But I can't find the post. Was that one of the lost post things or something, or am I misremembering?
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 2:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Different authors do DPs differently. I perfer to give the player a little more choice in the direction of the story and thus the player maps out their own direction for the story. If you want a story with stricter DPs by me, try The Priest, in which the reader only picks a song. I also apologize for the discrepancy in my statement last chapter. Also, I found Crunchy's suggestion to be creative and interesting. She remembered a fact from the story and used it to come up with an interesting response. I applaud that. Look around the city and you'll find numerous examples of such writing.
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 3:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I provided certain suggestions about limiting powers, which you said 'no' to, and said, 'it will be alright, I have a plan'. Well so far I don't know what your plan is, furthermore if others are writing the story too without knowledge of your plan, how is that to work?

CF wasn't the only one who remembered that Jackie story made the future, but you never told us how it worked earlier. So including it with the prophesy bit seemed impossible.

As you probably already know, I disagree with your assessment of CF's suggestion. Having Jackie murder a plane-full of people over France for no reason was so stupid from my perspective it makes my head hurt. Why didn't you take CF's suggestion, but just change what Jackie said the prophet said, to something better? Hell, I would like it if you would even retroactively change that, though I get the feeling your answer is already no.

I also don't see much limits to her power, the one about not countering the future, just adding to it, I don't buy for reasons I have already stated. Perhaps you could address those issues I found with that? Perhaps include a few more limiters, and tell us about them?

Also, can they actually fulfill her story making futures, so they happen, but better? Like could the company cause a plane to crash over France, with no people on board, so no survivors, therefore fulfilling her story, without actual loss of life? (still feels like shes got magic genie powers, like a retard magic genie is hovering invisibly behind her, waiting for her to say something, to make it come true, which is like lame endless wishes IMO )
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 20, 2009 5:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

In a way to help clear up this DP (sorry I've let the DPs get a little out of hand here, guys) I'm going to tell you what I was thinking for this poll.

I already know what the Organization's motives are. This, however is a chance to show how the Organization's head honcho acts. Is he going to be blunt? Brusque? Cynical? Kind (at least on the surface)? Cruel? Egomaniacal? What is basically being asked here is what type of man is the Headmaster, because that will affect life at the Organization quite a lot for Brandon.

So far our suggestions have been that either:
a) The Headmaster is a cynical man who distrusts Brandon because of the boy's powers
b) The Headmaster is a benevolent man who wishes to rid the world of the Grayness.

You choose! Poll goes up in a week!

Also, I am going to work on setting down the absolute, final rules of this world in the reference section to make all of this a little easier. Expect that up soon!
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 20, 2009 10:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alegria, would you please consider retroactively changing Jackie murdering a bunch of people for no reason to something that makes a bit more sense & is a bit less dark & violent? (Jackie has barely been in the story two chapters, and already she's a serial killer)

"Who can tell where that little story will take us?”"

To the death of a bunch of very possibly innocent people. Yeah, its pretty shocking that murdering a bunch of people for no reason has repercussions. Roll

Your explanation of the DP helps alot, ok.

I can't imagine she would be a cynical women, especially over Brandon's powers in particular, considering she runs a company full of said individuals.

I would say the female headmaster would be a reasonably kind but rather brisk, down to business sort. She also has her own powers. She helped create the company to fight the grayness, manage risk with the outside world (and to the outside world) & as a safe heaven for training/teaching of people of this type, since they couldn't possibly get it anywhere else. She is flexible to a degree, but strongly believes in the rule of law too.

If you won't consider retroactively changing what Jackie claims the prophet said, then I would say the headmaster would have her forcibly muted so she can not talk. Where she must stay like that for a long time (a few years at the very least, considering how many years she would probably end up taking from her victims, and how casually she took them) while she contemplates how evil murder really is. Till she's ready to be even remotely responsible with her powers.

Alegria, would you please answer what I asked earlier?
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 5:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

True, please, stop trying to get Alegria to change what is his story. Wiping out a planeful is not good, that's obvious, but that's what can happen when you have powers like this. That's the danger. And it may not have repurcussions. I mean, maybe this is my cynical style talking but who says people with such power are going to have empathy for humans they've never met? Not to mention, the main character's freakin' changed someone's entire identity. Is that not also a terrible thing?


I hope this makes sense...

I had to step in, y'see, it was getting painful. I shall make an effort to post more in the vain hope this doesn't occur in the period between chapters again.
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 5:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Purple, I am afraid that now that that fact is in the SG, I will not change it. It may be a mistake, but let's all try to learn from it, ok?

Good suggestions, though!
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 11:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Can they actually fulfill her story making futures, so they happen, but better? Like could the company cause a plane to crash over France, with no people on board, so no survivors, therefore fulfilling her story, without actual loss of life?

Oh, and I think the headmaster should treat Brandon regular, I mean not like hes anything special. Even if she believes he is. It would probably be important to them that he learn modesty as well as anything else. So to him she would probably just ask how he is adapting so far & so on, standard stuff she has said to many a new-comer. Perhaps she will have some minor test for him. Not a paper test, but a unannounced test of his character & power. Where she will ask him to do a minor task for them, where unbeknownst to him surprises await to test him (where he won't even known its a test till after its over) This could also be standard fare for new-comers at the organization.
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 1:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just a point - you mucked up the coding in the last paragraph.

My suggestion for the DP? The head warns him of using his powers and stuff while not in school, and basically we all get a bit more info on the rules governing these powers.
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 2:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

TruePurple wrote:
Can they actually fulfill her story making futures, so they happen, but better? Like could the company cause a plane to crash over France, with no people on board, so no survivors, therefore fulfilling her story, without actual loss of life?


Euh, I don't think anyone's informing the company of the prediction. Would they believe anyway?

I suppose I should make a suggestion.

To get to be top boss in a society o' the powered, ya gotta be charismatic, understanding, in control. Hm...yeah, that's all I can think of.
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 10:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Poll is up!

I didn't put anything about what she will do to Jackie, but I like your idea, Purple. I think I will steal it. However, the I already have a background hammered out for the Organization and the HM so the admittedly cool background story you worked out won't work. Sorry.

Happy voting! Polls will be open for two weeks (we have prom soon, so I won't be able to write much)
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 1:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Every life has repercussions, thus does every death. Whether Jackie will knowingly experience those repercussions is anyones guess (except Alegria of course)

It's like she shot a bunch of people at random for no reason other then she had a gun. Even with the power the gun affords her, it still doesn't make any sense, except from the perspective of a cold blooded serial killer.

I just asked Alegria if he would please change it, I did not insist on it. Nor did I repeat the request when Alegeria finally said no. So please back off Phang, noone needs defending here.
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 1:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Purp, regarding the DP suggestion which seems to have caused you such distress, it appears you may have overlooked the part which is that Jackie's story was a kneejerk reaction to learning from the Prophetess of all her schoolfriends dying in an arson attack. She just said something random to prevent that vision becoming a probability.

Because the chapter is from Brandon's POV, we don't get to read this, but as readers of the last chapter and DP, we already know it.

So, she's not a cold blooded serial killer, she's not evil, she's just a kid who's reacted irresponsibly to some bad news, like kids can often do. Its just that with powers of that magnitude it can (and might) have disastrous repercussions.

The possible arson attack on the Organization, and the now probable plane crash are simply plot elements for Alegria to develop in his own way further down the line, without requests to retroactively change it, or emboldened repeated questions about softening the outcome.
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 2:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Since it was your suggestion CF, odds are Algeria didn't have any specific plans for a plan crash with deaths. But we don't know, do we. Anyway they are questions about how Jackies powers work as much as they are about what the organization can do about it. I only repeated it because it wasn't answered, it still isn't answered.

I could perhaps buy your argument about 'it being a kneejerk reaction to bad news' if she had just said "a plane crash over France". Jackie having been here for awhile and being fully aware of her powers, especially at this time, the "no survivors" clause is the act of a cold blooded killer. It's too specific to be random.

If you are holding a gun and someone gives you bad news and you start shooting it at a location with a number of strangers in it as a way to handle the bad news- this is not 'normal'/'understandable'. but the act of a seriously disturbed individual.

Besides which, it's not bad news for Jackie! If you look at your suggestion, it was a arson attack on Brandon's old school that was the prophasy(and not 'everyone dying either), not on the organization. Since it isn't anyone Jackie knows, why would she have any kneejerk reaction that her brain stops working so completely?
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 4:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Look, Purple. Jackie has not been fully fleshed out yet. This all makes sense with her character, which will be revealed later on.

Something important to remember about the Organization, Ms. Parker, Jackie, and everyone in this SG but Brandon: Nothing is as it seems. Wink
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 4:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

And in addition, Purple, I will now answer you question.

Yes, that is a possibility. Don't worry, though. The Organization has a looooong history. They've run into this stuff before and know how to deal with it.
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 24, 2009 8:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Other people wrote:
Some words regarding Jackie.


Its not just me then.

3/3 suggestions ain't bad! I really should post more.
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 8:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I want to close the poll, but there's a tie! Someone vote soon!
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 03, 2009 5:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry I missed most of this, I think it should be someone charismatic and very in control. I would think it would be intresting for some conflict to arise on how "good" this organization really is, and make our protagonist here go through some struggle to find out if he really agrees with what they are doing. Do not make any clear defining "good" sides, leave an air of uncertainty, makes things a lot more interesting.
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 04, 2009 2:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well it is a vote. Quick, someone else vote for "charismatic and in control at all times", that'll leave Alegria really baffled. Wink
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 04, 2009 5:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Consider such a thing done!
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 04, 2009 6:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh dear. I think I shall have to vote to break the tie.

Anyone against me voting? I can always PM someone and ask them to vote...
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 8:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tie Broken! Bigg
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 11:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Poll closed!!! The winner is Charasmatic and in Control at All Times.

The new chappy will be out sometime soon!
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What type of person is the Headmaster?
a cynical man/woman who distrusts Brandon because of the boy's powers
20%
 20%  [ 2 ]
a benevolent man/woman who wishes to rid the world of the Grayness.
20%
 20%  [ 2 ]
kind but brusque, treating Brandon like he or she would treat anyone else
20%
 20%  [ 2 ]
cautionary (Whitey’s option)
10%
 10%  [ 1 ]
charismatic and in control at all times.
30%
 30%  [ 3 ]
Total Votes : 10
Who Voted: Bookwizard, Crunchyfrog, Lady of the Shadows, Phang, Sabriel, The White Blacksmith, verlius, vgmaster

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