Search      Members      Groups      Profile      Favorites      RSS      Register      Log in
Emotional Extremes- Polling

 
(currently a favorite of 0 users)
   Storygames Home -> Stasis Hall - Completed or archived Storygames -> The Vault
View previous topic :: View next topic  

Author Message
Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire



Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Topics: 173
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North

Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2012 2:25 am    Post subject: Emotional Extremes- Polling Reply with quote

The oldest among you may remember a few familiar faces in the cast of characters, I'm trying this partially to see if I can improve them any and partly because we need more humor around here. Without further ado, here is Emotional Extremes. Enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prologue: La Vida Loca

His apartment wasn't just a mess...it was destroyed. He stood there staring at the wreckage in a state of numb shock. Every piece of fabric that could be shredded was, the curtains, sheets, his clothes in the closet. The furniture was ripped to shreds, the stuffing tossed around like a fluffy snowstorm. She'd shattered the glass coffee table and splintered the bookshelves. His books were so much confetti, his few keepsakes shards and pieces.

He couldn't believe it. She'd seemed to take the news so well. Alright, so she'd gone very pale and there'd been that twitch at the corner of her eye...but she'd sounded calm and logical. He remembered she'd asked him three times if he was sure it was over and each time she'd been just...nice about it. He'd given her today to pack the things she'd left here and go, thankful that he'd never gone the next step of inviting her to move in. She'd been pushing for that, she'd really wanted more out of this relationship and Andre...Andre had grown less and less sure over the past few months that she was the girl for him.

She was wild, she was crazy, she was great in bed...but she just lived life far too fast and hard for Andre. He'd never have met her under ordinary circumstances, her social circle and his had overlapped only for a brief fateful moment and that had been all it had taken. One bachelor party at a club, two hours longer than he'd intended to stay, and three drinks too many, four friends encouraging him to go for it. And he'd ended up in a relationship with the most exotic woman he'd ever met.

Alleria had been a beautiful and highly passionate woman, but she'd been forever dragging him places he'd never been comfortable. And she'd been expensive to keep, no matter how often she bought her own things, there was always that little 'gift' she just had to have. High maintenance, that was the word for it. And Andre just couldn't do it anymore. He had to start being realistic, find a woman that was more in keeping with his lifestyle.

Honestly Alleria had been out of his league. She'd been way too beautiful for someone as normal as Andre to keep for very long and it had just been time to let her go find someone more suitable. And he really should have known better, he'd seen the destructive and petty tendancies in her nature...this was just a scale he hadn't thought she'd go to. And there was nothing for it other than to clean it all up and start browsing the web for cheap new furnishings.
-----------------------------

One week passed, then two, and life continued on for Andre. He'd had to make several trips to the dump and his apartment was extremely spartan, but he was back to a normal routine. His desk was once again devoid of pictures, except for one of his parents, and all the little 'gifts' she'd sent him had been trashed. He had a slinky that he took out of his drawer and wobbled back and forth now and again, but that was nearly it.

He was doing just that when the email notification popped up on his screen and he sat the spring down, leaning forward in his chair again and clicking it open. He scowled a little at the sender name and the topic. Romantic Troubles? There's Help. Obvioiusly someone here in the office was having a little joke at his expense which irked Andre slightly. But without knowing who it was, there was very little he could do. He blocked the sender and trashed the email, picking his Slinky again and shifting it back and forth.

A few minutes later, another email notice popped up. Again, from the same sender "p.charming@ cup.id", this one entitled 'Don't Be Alone'. Gritting his teeth, Andre deleted it and blocked the sender again. Reaching into his desk, he pulled out a pad of yellow sticky notes and wrote himself a message to talk to IT about it. He wanted that email permanently blocked and if this person kept trying to prank him he wanted them reprimanded. He didn't deserve to be harassed about his personal life at work.

A few minutes later his line lit up and Andre took a deep breath, putting on a smile and using his best professional voice. "Hello I'm Andre and how can I help you today?"

"You can start by stop deleting my emails, I don't generally take time to personally message someone but when I do, I at least expect the courtesy of them being read."

Andre paused a moment, frowning as he tried to place the voice on the other end. He couldn't, it was rather distinctive and he knew he'd never heard it before. The accent was vaguely European and the voice itself was smooth, rich, and golden. Andre had heard a lot of voices, some good, some bad...working in a phone center did that for you. This voice was one of those that you could listen to for a long time. Still, nice voice or not, this was the prankster and Andre was not amused.

"Look, I don't know who put you up to this but I'm-"

"Put me up to this? You're the one that asked me for help...you don't remember do you?" There was a sigh on the other end of the line. "I do have the correct Andre Lywellen don't I? You recently had a girlfriend by the name of Alleria Vayne whom you chose to break off relations with correct?"

Andre stared at his phone, absolutely mortified. Who was this man? He'd never talked to him in his life. And he'd certainly never signed up for any relationship help. "Look, I don't know who you are and I certainly never contacted you so-"

"Mr. Lywellen I have only one question to ask you. Are you mortal?"

The voice was serious. But they had to be joking. Andre was leaning on his desk now, glaring at the phone as if it were the mystery caller.

"What the hell kind of question is that? Look, I'm done with this. Don't call me, stop emailing me." And with that he hung up, not giving the voice a chance to say anything else. For a few moments after that he just sat there, his hands in his hair, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself before picking up the slinky again.

He was nervous for the rest of the day, every call he answered he expected to hear the mystery voice again. Every email he expected to be another spam. But nothing. By the end of the day he'd managed to put it off to the back of his mind, catching the train back to his apartment. He checked his mail, then trotted up the stairs, fiddling with his keys as he thought about what he had in the fridge for dinner.

All thoughts of dinner were gone within a few moments though. He opened his door, shut it, and flicked on the lights. And there, sitting on his couch, was a man he'd never seen before in his life. And he'd definitely have remembered if he had.

The man was a magazine model, one of those pin-up guys that women gravitated to. His hair was a perfect hue of blonde, cut in a perfectly messy style that screamed expensive, and his skin was a mellow gold tan. Piercing blue eyes evaluated Andre calmly from that classically hansom face. His limbs were long and he would obviously be tall standing up. He was dressed in a pair of pristine dark blue jeans with black leather boots, a matching leather jacket covering his shoulders.

As Andre evaluated him he was just as clearly evaluating Andre. His long fingers were steepled in front of him and he tapped the tips on the indexes against his lower lip in thought. "You're a mortal...this day just keeps getting better and better."

He knew that voice. "You! You're phone voice! How the hell did you get into your apartment...and what the hell is that supposed to mean anyway!?" Was this man one of those oddballs that were convinced they were a werewolf or something? Andre's hand went toward his pocket, inching toward his cellphone. Maybe he could pocket dial 911 before this guy noticed.

One golden eyebrow quirked up and the other male shook his head slowly. "Typical reaction. The police are not going to be able to help you Mr. Lywellen. In fact, as I sit here, I'm not sure what I can do about the current situation. You did the right thing in breaking it off with Miss Vayne, relations between mortals and non-mortals do not, as a rule, work out well. However, she's not being as pragmatic about it as you are. Quite the opposite actually, she's rather enraged by the whole affair. And she's making my life absolute hell."

"Mister...do you need to lay down for a little while? Do you know where your medication is and did you forget to take it? Just relax, I'm not going to call the police, I'm just going to call someone and get you some hel-"

"You're not listening to me Mr. Lywellen. I don't very much like it when people don't listen to me. It's not something I'm used to." The man stood and, just as Andre had thought, he was extremely tall. "I'm a busy entity these days. I have a mortal life I lead rather convincingly as well as fulfilling my duties in the supernatural community. I see now why someone forwarded your contact information to me and while I'm not pleased, I'm glad that I'm finding these things out now rather than further on down the road."

Andre wasn't sure when it happened, all he knew was suddenly he was sitting on the couch and the strange man was setting Andre's cellphone on a high shelf. "There, that's better. Now Mr. Lywellen, I'd like you to tell me all about your relationship with Miss Vayne. I'm most curious to see how it all came about."

"I don't see how it's absolutely any of your business and I'm willing to forget this whole thing if you just leave now."

Andre thought the request was rather generous and sensible all things and circumstances considered. The man, however, thought it was funny as he simply gave an engaging laugh, leaning on Andre's rickety replacement coffee table, fingertips holding his weight easily as his face came within a foot of Andre's.

"It's very much my business actually. You see, normally when a mortal falls in love with someone, it's because I said so. Your relationship and romance happened entirely without my knowledge and consent. That was why I thought you were supernatural at first...I don't normally give those relationships much attention because the supernatural community actually comes to me with their problems while mortals labor under the misconception that I'm a chubby blind baby in diapers."

Andre blinked at the man, shaking his head. "Come again." This guy couldn't be serious.

The man stood, tucking his hands in his jacket pockets for a moment and closing his eyes. He muttered something that Andre didn't quite catch all of, something about 'Sire' and 'apology'. Then he unfurled his wings and snapped his fingers, pulling a rather ornate wooden bow out of thin air.

"Mr. Lywellen, please pay attention. We need to get over the disbelief period fairly quickly because your ex-girlfriend is getting quite out of hand and I'm afraid you're rather key to stopping her at this point. I am Cupid, the entity behind Love and relationships. You can call me Charming, or Prince, or Mr. Savante if that makes you feel any better. And we-"

Unfortunately Andre didn't hear any more of the speech because it was at that point he fainted.
------------------------------------------

And so it begins. I hope you liked!
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."

"Music makes you braver."


Last edited by Kalanna Rai on Sun Jul 01, 2012 10:48 pm; edited 2 times in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Cremuex Levier
Resident



Joined: 31 Jan 2012
Topics: 6
Posts: 72
Location: Armidale, Australia

Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2012 3:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ooo~ I'm curious to find out who this lady is. Like what her relationship with cupid is (client?) and what type of entity she is.

As the character though I would like him to come to and ask some questions about how he knows Alleria and how she's been troubling him exactly.

That's my vote as it were.

Good story so far, I might follow it (though I'm not normally a romantic).
_________________
Save Grargoth
Little Black Book (my art)
Homestuck RP
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Lilith
Honored Citizen



Joined: 10 Feb 2007
Topics: 82
Posts: 1597
Location: Happily curled up in a Daemon's lap

Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 10:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wouldn't faint. Cupid is drool-worthy. Wink

Lovely and light-hearted, Rai... althought, while you got a smile, I didn't get the urge to truly chuckle. But as it is, the prologue is a prologue. I know you've got more up your sleeve.

More please?

_________________

© 2007-2019 Lilith
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
kc9cra
Resident



Joined: 27 Aug 2011
Topics: 5
Posts: 44
Location: evansville, Indiana

Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 1:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It does suck though, that Cupid is exactly what every woman wants a man to be. It would be nice if cupid was a fat hairy guy with no badboy rep and no money lol.

I like the beginning. There's no dp, but I agree that he should have a conversation when he wakes up about how Cupid knows this ex of his, and what the situation surrounding Cupid's visit are. Cupid was probably planning on telling him. He seems to have been pretty forth coming so far, so this doesn't seem hard.
_________________
chapter 7 of New Chicago is up. Check it out in Scifiville.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Author Message
Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire



Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Topics: 173
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North

Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 4:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

And now for the actual playable first chapter. Get ready to have some fun folks. Enjoy!
--------------------------

Chapter One: E.T.

He woke in more luxury than he'd ever experienced in his life. The warm sunlight bled across beige walls, completely oblivious to the fact that this was winter and that it should likely be cold out. He sat up abruptly, realizing this was neither his bed in his apartment and that prior to his unexpected nap he'd been in the middle of an awkward conversation with a strange man who'd somehow gotten into his locked home without forcing entry. Swinging his legs out of a bed large enough to double as a small swimming pool, he noticed two things. One, the carpet was extremely plush and two, he was completely nude.

He turned a brilliant shade of scarlet and his skin heated up to the point where an egg would have fried perfectly on his face. Holding a pillow over himself, he looked around somewhat desperately for his clothing. This was the worst moment of his life, no matter how rich and lavish his surroundings, they went largely unnoticed as Andre quietly had a nervous breakdown. Spotting a gleaming white terrycloth robe draped over a nearby chair, he seized it the way a drowning man might a life preserver. It was swiftly donned and the tie firmly fastened, allowing him to discard the feather pillow back on the extravagant bed. Thus freed from the impending doom of being fatally embarrassed, he was able to look around.

It was like the pictures out of magazines or movies of what an upscale hotel should have been. The bed sat in a four poster frame that looked like an antique, wood worn butter smooth by age and handling. There was a matching wardrobe and bedside table with another matching desk further off near a set of french doors. The doors were currently open, a soft breeze stirring the pale linen curtains like the windswept scarf of some Hollywood starlet of the golden age. Another set of doors on the far end led to a bathroom that seemed to be all pale marble and tasteful gilding.

He was playing with the taps, fascinated by his own reflection on them, when he was nearly frightened to death by the sound of someone behind them clearing their throat. Clutching his chest, as if that action alone would slow his heart back to a normal human rhythm, he slowly turned around with a growing sense of trepidation. The sight that greeted him was of a diminutive woman in a perfectly starched maid's uniform, her iron grey hair pulled severely back in a neat bun. Not a hair was out of place and not a wrinkle could be seen on her spotless outfit, her stance stiff and proper as she stared at him with dark eyes.

"Master Savante sent me to check on you and inquire as to your disposition towards breakfast. Or at this point an early lunch." The disdain was clear in her voice, disapproval for the obviously odd hours that were being kept. And yet there was also a hint of resignation, as if she were used to the schedule being disrupted no matter how much she disliked it. "Your clothes have been cleaned and pressed and are currently in the wardrobe, shall I tell the Master you'll be along shortly?"

He blinked for a moment, mouth slightly agape, then he cleared his throat and mustered his dignity. "Ah, yes. But, could you wait a moment please? I'm not sure I-"

"Young man I have a household to run and many things to attend to. I am not going to nursemaid you any further than I have. In ten minutes someone will be here to escort you to breakfast. Good day to you." And with that she turned, sensible heels clicking on the polished floor before being muffled as she stepped onto the carpet and vanished into the depths of the luxurious rooms beyond.

Andre wasted no time getting dressed, finding not just the suit he'd worn to work, but a mismatched selection of his other clothes had been cleaned, pressed, and neatly hung on hooks in the antique wardrobe. The drawers had even been filled with his socks and briefs, all neatly matched and folded. It was slightly embarrassing to know that someone had laundered his undies and folded them for him. Then again, someone had also stripped him nude and dumped him in that bed...he shivered at the thought. Anything could have happened while he was out cold, and something had. He'd been kidnapped.

A soft knock at his door announced the arrival of a thin young woman, dressed as the older had been, who smiled nervously at him and gestured that he should follow. Awkwardly he tried several times to start a conversation with her, but soon enough it was apparent to him that she was rather painfully shy and every polite word he spoke was only making her feel worse. They paused in front of another set of french doors on the ground floor and after opening them she promptly fled, leaving Andre alone on the threshold of a terraced garden.

He stepped out onto the brick mosaic, blinking his eyes against the brilliant golden sunlight, the warm breeze heavy with the perfume of flowers. It was closer to a late summer day here than late winter and he had to admit that the golden warmth felt good on his skin. Greenery spread out before him, perfectly trimmed hedges leading into neat gardens and an immaculate lawn. A gardeners pride and dream.

And there, in the center of the brick patio, was a set of gleaming white furnishings. A table large enough for four or five and a pair of chairs with fluffy beige cushions in the seat. In one of those chairs sat the man Andre remembered...the man who'd claimed to be Cupid. There was no trace of the wings Andre was sure he'd seen, no trace of anything abnormal about him, unless one could be accused of being supernaturally handsome.

The man didn't seem to notice him yet, instead absorbed by the tablet pc in his lap. His features were a study of displeasure, eyes narrowed with lowered brows and lips pressed in a thin line. He wasn't scowling, he simply wasn't at all happy about whatever he was looking at. In his one free hand he held a china cup delicately, sipping from it casually as his eyes continued to scan the information on the tablet.

Hesitantly Andre moved forward, his stomach a nervous knot. Why had this man been stalking him? How had he gotten Andre's email? How had he gotten his phone number? Or into his locked apartment? What did he want with Andre? Why had he kidnapped him? What was going to happen to him now? Slowly he crossed the bricks, his nervous steps finally alerting the man who glanced up at him.

Vivid blue eyes locked on him for a moment, the cultured hand setting down the china cup while the other flicked across the tablet and put it to sleep. "Ah Mr. Lywellen, awake at last. I was beginning to think you'd gotten a head injury, I wasn't quite quick enough to catch you when you collapsed back in your apartment. It's good to see that you were simply tired, have a seat."

The last was not a request, more of a command. Spoken in the offhand way of someone used to being obeyed. And Andre did just that, shuffling the last few steps and quickly settling down. He perched nervously, staring at the other over the table laden with fresh fruits and vegetables. A few moments later, a plate was set in front of him and when the lid was removed by a gloved hand, it was revealed to hold a large omlette.

"Four cheese, your favorite I believe. There's also some orange juice in the pitcher." He poured a little more into his china cup, taking a sip of it with a small smile. "I don't normally do business over breakfast but unfortunately it's a necessity at the moment, I've already wasted too much time getting you here. I spent my entire morning putting out fires and patching leaks and now I'm afraid I simply don't have any more time to wait on niceties. Go ahead, eat, none of it's poisoned. Maurice would be insulted by the idea."

Andre, who'd been rather flabbergasted that this man knew his favorite breakfast food, now blinked. Had he been considering if the food was drugged...yes...that was only natural considering he was sitting here and expected to calmly have a late breakfast with this strange kidnapper. His mind drew a complete blank but the way the man was staring at him let Andre know he was expecting some kind of answer. "Maurice?"

"Maurice, my cook. His wife, Maeda, is my Housekeeper. I'm sure you met her, she was the one I sent to get you. I have a full staff here that look after the house, and me, otherwise everything would likely be in ruins right now. But enough about that, lets talk about why I brought you here. You see Mr. Lywellen, your ex girlfriend has done nothing but cause problems for me right from the outset of your relationship."

He reached down, turning his tablet back on and flicking a fingertip across it, obviously searching for something. Finally he turned the tablet around, holding it lightly so that Andre could see the image of a grotesque and vaguely humanoid creature. He promptly lost his appetite, turning slightly green and glancing away from the hideous image. "I really didn't need to see that..."

"Actually you did, that's what you'd been sleeping with for the duration of your relationship with Miss Vayne. Fae are not actually all that beautiful without their Glamour and Glamour takes effort to maintain. Tell me Mr. Lywellen...do you recall being tired for the duration of your relationship? Were you groggy? Forgetful? Sicker than often? Did you suffer bouts of depression? Did people remark that you didn't look good?"

Something must have shown on Andre's face to give the other conformation that everything he'd said was correct because his lips curled in a satisfied smile.

"I thought so. You see Mr. Lywellen, you were being used like a battery. She used her Glamour to seduce you, it's not hard the Fae have been doing it since the dawn of time. Then, once she had you, she began to siphon off your vitality and your humanity. Your vitality kept her fully charged so that she never had to use her own energy to maintain her Glamour. Her humanity...well that's what makes this case so destructive to my work. By stealing humanity a Fae slowly becomes invulnerable to the few weaknesses they naturally possess, the biggest of which is you can no longer hold them to their word. And if you can't hold a Fae to a bargain..."

The man left it hanging, giving a dark chuckle instead and taking a sip of his orange juice. As if Andre knew all about this mystical supernatural world that seemed to have jumped up out of nowhere and bit him in the family jewels. "So it's bad, I get it. But I dumped her and it's over now right? So why on earth are we bringing this up? I mean I'm sorry that it caused you problems but things should be easily smoothed out now Mr-"

"Call me Charming, I'd like to keep this informal. But if you don't feel comfortable like that you can call me Cupid or Highness. I fully intend to call you Andre from now on so it's your choice."

Andre sighed, shaking his head. This guy had one hell of an ego. "Highness...you're kidding right? Oh wait, you are the man that sent me an email from 'Prince Charming'." He even raised his hands to add in the air quotes, emphasizing the name and title. If this guy was going to be an ego maniac, Andre saw no reason not to be rude.

He didn't get quite the reaction he expected though.

Charming merely raised one golden eyebrow, his china cup paused halfway between his mouth and the matching saucer that was held in his opposite hand. He took the last sip of orange juice and set the china back down, a wry smile on his handsome face. "My father has quite a sense of humor. My legal name is Charming Sergei Savante and I am the current crown prince of the nation of Opullia. I am, quite legitimately, Prince Charming."

Andre choked on his omlette. Thankfully, Charming was silent while Andre took a few sips of juice to clear his abused windpipe and take a few deep breaths. "Opullia...I vaugely remember hearing about that on the news last year...some sort of breakthrough in renewable energy right? I'm going to assume that's where we are now...I'm also not going to think about how long I've been asleep if that's the case." Even a fast jet took a few hours to get halfway around the planet from Andre's sleepy apartment in California.

"If you think my name is hilarious you should meet my younger brother Valiant. But this is beside the point. The point is, your ex girlfriend absorbed enough humanity from you that two things have happened. One, she's not stopped by the usual precautions against Fae. And two you can only hold her to a bargain thrice repeated. I trust that when you broke up with her she made you say it three times and it got harder each time?"

Andre slowly nodded, chewing his omlette carefully. The food alone was good enough to distract him from what Charming was saying. Somewhere along the line of the conversation, he'd decided that it was much easier believing what the man said than arguing with it. Setting aside sanity for now preserved it for later use.

"Since you broke up with her, Miss Vayne has decided to get her revenge. Not on you because obviously it wasn't your fault. It was mine. And while that's partially true, it's not entirely correct. I had only just learned about your relationship, I did not directly intervene. However, you're one of those rare people Andre, that were born as one half of a matched set. Everyone talks about a 'soul mate' and it's a cute idea but simply not true. There is no 'perfect person' for everyone. Just people that are a close enough match that, once brought together, will stay together if they're willing to work at it. A little love, a little lust, and nudge in the right direction will make a good pair last for years. But you, one of my predecessors, for whatever reason, laid down the groundwork for you to have a soul mate. A perfectly true match. You've obviously either met this person, or come close enough to them to notice. Because otherwise you'd still be with Alleria Vayne."

Andre didn't know what to say. Instead he just sat there, fork hovering in mid-air, one cheek pouched out with omlette that his suddenly slack jaw refused to chew. He had a soul mate? It was something rare? Him? Andre Lywellen...the man described as the living human embodiment of soggy white bread? It was almost ludicrous.

"Fae Glamour doesn't wear off if it's being maintained Andre. The will of a mortal man cannot overcome it alone. All the heroes of song and story had some kind of help resisting or breaking the bonds already on them. For you it was your soul mate. The moment your soul realized that person existed it stopped settling for second best. You started feeling unhappy with a girlfriend that was obviously out of your league...you wanted something else. If the Glamour Alleria Vayne had on you was a television screen, then getting close to your soul mate was like rubbing a strong magnet all over it."

"So let me guess, you need me here so you can track down my soul mate and hook us up so I can live happily ever after right? Is that it? You kidnapped me and drug me halfway around the globe so that you could just tell me that? Because we have to go back to find her now."

Charming chuckled, looking down at his tablet again. "Oh I already know who she is Andre. I know where she is too. That is actually not my concern. My concern is the fact that Alleria Vayne has decided to seek revenge. Since you've broken up with her, she's allied herself with a rather powerful force in the supernatural community. A being that has absolutely no use for Love in any form, except it's most dark and twisted aspects. He means to set himself up as the Dark Incarnation, my mirror evil self, and to do that he needs power. He and Alleria have been stalking matched couples and either breaking them apart or poisoning the relationship. Then they've been feeding off the energy. Alleria to maintain her Glamours, her companion to hoard power until he can call me out. What does all this have to do with you, your the endgame. If either of them can get to you...they win. Game over. Especially for you as you won't survive the encounter.

So here's the deal. I'm going to keep you nice and safe. But you're going to help me foil their plans. You see, it's your humanity that Alleria is wearing out there and there is a way you can get what's stolen back. You can challenge her for it. And to do that, you're going to have to come with me."

"Come with you...where? I'm not sure I want to be any part of this." The way Charming was speaking...he wasn't leaving any room for dissension. He was simply assuming that just because his life was on the line, Andre would do whatever he was told without asking questions. Well maybe he would do it anyway...but dammit he was going to ask those questions.

"You don't have a choice. There's a pattern to the couples they've been breaking apart. High profile couples come under public scrutiny. It generates more energy to ruin their relationships than it does to ruin the relationship of the next door neighbor, or the local mailman. I know which couple they're going after next and you're going to challenge Alleria for a piece of your humanity back while I keep tall dark and scary from ripping your skin off and making pork rinds out of it. Are we clear on that?"

For a long moment Andre was silent, staring at the half-eaten omlette, no longer having any stomach for food. "Alright Charming...tell me how to challenge her..."
-------------------------------------

Alright folks, that's where you come in. Andre can apparently challenge his ex for pieces of his humanity back. But how can he challenge her, what does it entail. Does he have to beat her at a math quiz? A video game? Making the best crayon drawing of a poodle? It could be anything...only you know.
---------------------------------

I hope you liked!
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."

"Music makes you braver."
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Tikanni Corazon
Honored Citizen



Joined: 25 Oct 2009
Topics: 75
Posts: 1286
Location: Running through the plains of my mind, my wolf spirit at my side (but doing so in the UK!).

Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 7:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm liking this, Rai! It is lighthearted and entertaining, and, micu like your other stories, one is really drawn in to how the character thinks and feels, and you paint a very clear picture of the characters and environments. Like Cre, I'm interested in exactly WHO this woman is, and look forward to hearing more about her in future chapters. She sounds like a secubus. Anyway, all in all very well done! I especially liked this paragraph...

Quote:
He stepped out onto the brick mosaic, blinking his eyes against the brilliant golden sunlight, the warm breeze heavy with the perfume of flowers. It was closer to a late summer day here than late winter and he had to admit that the golden warmth felt good on his skin. Greenery spread out before him, perfectly trimmed hedges leading into neat gardens and an immaculate lawn. A gardeners pride and dream.


It sounds so picturesque and lmost has the effect of making one feel relaxed and peaceful themselves. Well, it does me anyway. Wink

I did notice this in the prologue...


Quote:
Piercing blue eyes evaluated Andre calmly from that classically hansom face.


Handsome

And this in the first chapter...


Quote:
She used her Glamour to seduce you, it's not hard the Fae have been doing it since the dawn of time.


I'm not 100% sure, but I think this should be split into two sentences. I think there should be a full stop after 'She used her Glamour to seduce you', and then the rest should be a new sentence.


For the dp...this is a really hard one, Rai. Truly, it took me a while to think of anything beside those which you'd already suggested. I was trying to think of something that could be humourous, and that might give him some time to talk to Alleria. Charming says by stealing Andre's humanity that she became invulnerable to human weaknesses. Though it only mentions one of these weaknesses, I wonder if maybe she'd susceptable to others. Could he maybe try and find a shred of humility in her, to maybe make her think twice about what she's doing? It shouldn't work, of course, as that would end the tale far too quickly, but maybe plant a little niggle in her mind that might linger and grow. Wink That mightn't be possible though, but despite that, I propose that the challenge should be a pedal boat race.


Great start, Rai! Keep up the good work! Smile

_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887


Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
DeadManWalking
Duke of the Mostly Dead



Joined: 24 May 2006
Topics: 30
Posts: 1005


Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 4:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well done so far Rai! Entertaining read (Though it seems to me more fantasy than Comedy as of yet. I shall endeavor to fix that.)

As for the challenge, tradition is usually best when dealing with matters of the Gods. So a series of heroic trials, or a duel to the death. But we must play to his strengths, must we not?

Perhaps the duel is a duel of calls. They sit at his call center, resolving the most problems or making the most calls (it was never explicitly said).

Or the heroic trials: he must climb the tallest tower, find her secret weakness, defeat the alligators in the sewers, etc.

Or, my last (but by no means least) suggestion: A race for his soul mate. That is, after all the source of Andre's strength and defiance. If he finds his soul mate truly, rather than simply knowing of her existence, what powers might he gain over Vayne? And if Vayne eliminates her, and makes it known to Andre's soul that his soul mate is gone forever, than he becomes susceptible to her drain again.
_________________
When the dead walk, the living run.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Lilith
Honored Citizen



Joined: 10 Feb 2007
Topics: 82
Posts: 1597
Location: Happily curled up in a Daemon's lap

Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 6:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

How about outwit her in some sort of a supernatural game/law of magic, ect. Using the bargain thrice thing could be really really fun to be honest. I like it. XD Or even finding some magical object first.

So sorry it took me so long to see you'd posted the first chapter to this, but I'm caught up now and I could really use another dose of laughter, if you don't mind.

_________________

© 2007-2019 Lilith
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire



Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Topics: 173
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North

Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 10:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh look...vote for the funny.
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."

"Music makes you braver."
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message

What shall they do?
Try to use 'human' weaknesses she might have against her?
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
A duel, preferably one playing to his strengths?
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
A series of 'epic' trials he must undertake?
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
Beat her in a supernatural game/object hunt?
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
A race to find Andre's soulmate, winner takes all?
100%
 100%  [ 1 ]
Total Votes : 1
Who Voted: Lilith

Display posts from previous:   
Reply to topic   printer-friendly view    Storygames Home -> The Vault All times are GMT - 8 Hours
Page 1 of 1
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group. Forum design by mtechnik, customized by City of IF
All site content © City of IF or the respective storygame authors.   Terms of use
Home   Book   Storygames   FAQ   Greek myth   About   Policies