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Relyt
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 Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2012 5:24 pm Post subject: The Adventures of a Dreamer: Parthas Flynn [Prologue] |
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My name is Parthas Flynn. I am a Dreamer.
You might be asking yourself what kind of superpowers I have or what great weapon I might wield, or even what age of man I live in. Your curiosity has gotten the better of you and now you’ve moved on to wondering if I’m a king, a soldier, or perhaps even an alien. Sadly, I must let your hopes down, but rest assured my tale is no ordinary one. My encounters are great and possibilities are endless.
I am here to tell you my story and pass on my adventures to others who might make use of them. Perhaps I can make the start of another Dreamer’s first steps much easier than those I once made. After all this talk I must have you stumped with one question: what is a Dreamer?
A Dreamer is a being capable of crossing into a dream world; their fantasy world. My mentor, a brilliant man and Dreamer once explained it as this: “At first your dream world is an escape from the reality you have always known. But one can find it too easy to become engulfed by the dream world, enticed by the sheer magical qualities about it. Your dream world is what makes the entirety of who you are. You must fight for it. It exists to provide you with that escape that you seek. It is a world that you must protect by any means, for in it lays your ambition, personality and everything about it creates the embodiment that is you. Your dreams create your identity, without dreams you would be a dreary being with no reason or morality... no sense of life.”
The dream world is simply a dream and yet it is not. It is everything and nothing all at once. Any ordinary being can have dreams, but only those with the unique talent are able to create their dreams and willfully enter and leave whenever they please. This all sounds so pleasant and I must have you wishing that you were a Dreamer too, but there exists other beings with an ability that can destroy a Dreamer and cease their existence. They are known as Shatterers. Encountered in both the dream world and the living world, Shatterers are able to erase a Dreamer’s ability, thus giving them no hope, no will, and ultimately ends their reason for being.
Have I encountered a Shatterer? Now, I cannot tell you that right away, nor can I explain to you what my dream world is so simply. I hope you now have a better understanding of who I am and what type of tale you will be told. So, here begins “The Adventures of a Dreamer: Parthas Flynn”.
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Well here we go, first SG I'm going to start up. I'm very excited about this and I'm hoping I can attract a lot of attention with it! There's no Decision Point yet, but I promise I'll be writing a first chapter with a Decision Point shortly!
I hope you all enjoy, comments and criticism greatly appreciated 
Also! Just in case for those wondering the story is set in modern day, but I'm unsure of what date Parthas' dream world will take place in, but I won't forget to clear that up before I start writing to that point.
Furthermore, rather than a Decision Point I would love for some suggestions as to what Parthas' dream world should be. What is his fantasy world? Is it a world where he is a samurai, an ancient warrior in a time with mythical beasts and magic, a medieval soldier, etc.
Last edited by Relyt on Thu Jul 19, 2012 6:12 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2012 6:06 pm Post subject: |
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I really...REALLY love this!! The wording style you used, where you told us exactly what we were doing as we were doing it...I've seen it done a few other times, and it never gets old. This has been set up to be a really fantastic story...perfect for Fantasy Forest. XD
For the dream world...you're going to have to let me do some dreaming of my own.  I'll get back to you on that one.
glad to see you back and can't wait to see more!!
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Shillelagh
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| Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2012 7:36 pm Post subject: |
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The premise is intriguing, indeed. I can't wait to see where you take this story.
As far as what his dreamworld would be... I'm thinking a sort of modern melting pot blend of magic and technology. The smart, logical, precise thinkers use technology. The energetic, creative, free sprit types use magic. Both can do the exact same thing, just a different means to an end depending on natural affinity.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 5:57 am Post subject: |
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Meh.
If you're going to do a prologue I recommend you do something with some bite to it, rather than a few paragraphs of dull description.
I don't want to read an explanation of what the plot might involve, I want a story, action, adventure.
Here's hoping your chapter one will have something to chew on.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 8:05 am Post subject: |
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Rude much?
I thought it was very well done as I've already said. I didn't find it dull in the slightest. It isn't an action prologue, and it isn't supposed to be. It's one that makes the reader think about the possibilities. Personally, these are my favorite types. I still say well done, Rel.
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 9:09 am Post subject: |
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| I thought it's a good prologue. I really like the personal and intimate feel. It makes me care about what happens to the narrator, and I barely know them at this point. I'm excited to see where this story will go.
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Relyt
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| Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 11:23 am Post subject: |
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| Chinaren wrote: | Meh.
If you're going to do a prologue I recommend you do something with some bite to it, rather than a few paragraphs of dull description.
I don't want to read an explanation of what the plot might involve, I want a story, action, adventure.
Here's hoping your chapter one will have something to chew on. |
What the plot might involve is entirely up to the readers, if you want a story then suggest one. I made this very "dully descriptive" prologue in order to get ideas from you guys so that I can continue to write. I don't have a full idea in my head yet.
So rather than hoping, how about helping?
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| Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 6:38 pm Post subject: |
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I don't see what the big deal is. Chinaren is giving you his opinion. Did he phrase it bluntly? Yes. But that's what he does. At no point did he ever attack you as a person. There is more to literary criticism than free hugs and feel-good compliments. You'll never be able to improve as a writer if no one tells you about the parts they don't like.
And he has a point- this is all description, and no action. Personally, I don't think it's dull description. You're building character details, and establishing his voice. A lack of action is forgivable in my mind. I would find it a bit distracting, actually, if we plunged straight into action without at least some form of detail and setting establishment. Chinaren disagrees. And that's fine. In the future, you can consider putting a bit more action into your opening scenes, if you agree with him. Or perhaps you'll consciously choose to ignore this advice, since you disagree with him.
It's up to you, as it should be.
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Relyt
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| Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2012 8:05 am Post subject: |
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I never said that he attacked me as a person, and I'm aware that it is his opinion and he can criticize. There is no action right away, and I never intended there to be any. It's more a less a very base idea of what I'd like to write about. As far as his advice goes, all I got from it was write with more action. I'm saying that his suggestion is valid, and sure I'll get into that with the first chapter but this is a pitch to get things going.
If he wanted it to be written with more action then more than just that simple suggestion would have been great help. He could have said something like well perhaps you could introduce your writing this way or that, or perhaps start with this kind of scene in this setting. Telling me to simply write with more action doesn't help much, and as far as everyone knows I am a beginner writer. I don't know much about it, how to get things started or in what style to write.
I appreciate the comment, and I will write a story that has some thrill in it. I just wish there was more of an explanation as to how I should go about doing that.
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| Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2012 8:58 pm Post subject: |
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Awesomee!
I really, really like how you've started your tale out, and this is a really interesting base to build a story upon. I can see this going in at-least four different directions, but I'll come back to you on that after I've organised my thoughts better xD
I'd rather call this an "Introduction" rather than a "Prologue", because in my opinion (It's just what I think, btw), an introduction is a presentation of how things are at the time when the story starts, while a prologue is a summary of events that led up to it.
Either way, this is really well written, and I'd love to see more of your work
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| Posted: Sun Jul 22, 2012 8:02 pm Post subject: |
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Hey Relyt!
This is an interesting start indeed, and very much has the potential to become a really fabulous SG! The possibilites are pretty much endless at this early stage of the game, and I personally am intrigued to see exactly where you will go with it and how much advantage you will take of the lack of boundries here. And I agree with Vishal, this reads more like an introduction rather than a prologue.
Though this read pretty well, there is alot of repetition of the word 'dream', especially when icluded as being a part of 'dreamer' as well, and also of the word 'world'. Take the following quote...
| Quote: | | A Dreamer is a being capable of crossing into a dream world; their fantasy world. My mentor, a brilliant man and Dreamer once explained it as this: “At first your dream world is an escape from the reality you have always known. But one can find it too easy to become engulfed by the dream world, enticed by the sheer magical qualities about it. Your dream world is what makes the entirety of who you are. You must fight for it. It exists to provide you with that escape that you seek. It is a world that you must protect by any means, for in it lays your ambition, personality and everything about it creates the embodiment that is you. Your dreams create your identity, without dreams you would be a dreary being with no reason or morality... no sense of life.” |
In this one paragraph alone, there are 8 uses of dream/dreamer. Now, I know that it is the major focus of the story so far, and many of them are required, but some can be eliminated or replaced. The third one along, can be removed, I think. His mentor being his mentor means that we already have a fair idea that he's probably a Dreamer too. The last one can also be removed and replaced with 'them'.
The others are a little harder. The fifth one along can be with a little tweaking of the text, and also allows for the removal of a 'world' as well, by changing the text for 'alternate realm'.
There are 6 uses of the word 'world'. There are quite a few words that could be used instead. Place, realm, etc.
A Dreamer is a being capable of crossing into a dream world; a place created entirely from a person's fantasy. My mentor, a brilliant man, once explained it as this: “At first your dream world is an escape from the reality you have always known. But one can find it too easy to become engulfed by this incredible alternate realm, enticed by the sheer magical qualities about it. Your dream world is what makes the entirety of who you are. You must fight for it. It exists to provide you with that escape that you seek. It is a world that you must protect by any means, for in it lays your ambition, personality and everything about it creates the embodiment that is you. Your dreams create your identity, without them you would be a dreary being with no reason or morality... no sense of life.”
From this example, you'll see that I've gotten rid of 3 worlds and 3 dream/dreamers. Repetition is something to keep an eye out for when writing, especially with such a focused upon subject for the story. Something to just keep in mind when writing in the future.
Okay, onwards to the DP. I personally think that a fantasy realm will very much focus on magic. I think if you were to ask anyone about a fantasy reality, most of the time they would reply that a part of it would consist of being able to weild magic of some form, whether it be to shoot fire from ones palms or move mountains with ones mind, etc. And also, I think most people delight in imagining themselves with highly superior skills in things such as fencing/the art of weilding some other form of weaponry, and having quick flexible movement, and amazing fighting skills. As much as one would think that fantasies would be apt to keep one out of danger, most actually involve thwarting some terrible foe, and proving what an amazing warrior we are.
Hope that helps, as unsolid an idea it is. I'd like to thank you actually, Relyt. In mulling over the possibilites, I've actually had an idea for another SG of my own. 
Anyway, much intrigued, can't wait to see what comes next! Keep up the good work!
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| Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 11:13 am Post subject: I think. . . . . |
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Interesting.. . . . .Definitely different, I'll give you that.What's funny though is as I read it, I saw your Avi talking Bizaar feeling to be sure Anyways, while I think your dram world should be from your character's own mind, I've always found endlessly large buildings and mismatched animals facinating. That's all I can really contribute Can't wait to see what you come up with!
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