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PostPosted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 8:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hmm...my adventurous side tells me follow the text...but my good sense says it's probably a nasty trap...oh, what the heck, you only live once!! unless you're a zombie...
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 17, 2012 8:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another much enjoyed chapter, Biz! Smile


The preacher sounds horrible. The description of tall and skeletal, at first, had me thinking of the preacher from Poltergiest 2, though that changed slightly as I read on. But still, he sounds creepy looking, a with a nasty character to match it, it would seem. Looking forward to reading more about him in future charpters! Wink

I found a couple of things...


Quote:
Once it was lit, I put the lighter back where I had found it and followed suit with small box in my hand.


I think there needs to be a 'the' in there.

Quote:
Perfect for a man trying to convince people that they were horrible people unless they did everything he said.


Double usage of 'people' breaks the flow. Maybe change the first one for 'his followers' or something like that?

Quote:
Finally, at four o'clock on the button. A tall man appeared from a door that sat right behind the structure in the front.


This sounds like it should be one sentence, and easily done by just replacing the full stop with a comma, and changing the 'A' from a capital.

Quote:
I wallowed my anger and stared up at him.


Swallowed?


For the dp, I'm curious about the text message from the unrecognised number. I think we should go there, and find out who it is, though be cautious, just in case it's someone who wishes us harm. But if it's not, I sense that it's likely to be someone with info for us.


Looking forward to the next one! Keep up the good work! Smile

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2012 10:42 pm    Post subject: I Think. . . . . Reply with quote

Another fine one Biz-kun.


The realism in this one has my guts churning with real world anger over much of the happenings. The preacher, the Master, all of it has me up in arms. But, out hero gives just that little touch of amusement when it's needed, at just the right moments. Shaping up to be a true horrific masterpiece Biz-kun!

As for the Dp. . . Be a dick and sens someone else to check out the strip club at the appropriate time, and head to Tits to check on the ID. I believe finding out as much as you can about the victem is one of the biggest key points in finding the killer. Also, side note, send someone to pick up Ky to keep her away from preach. I got the feeling he's gonna make a beeline for her sometime soon.


Can't wait to see you crack out another one of these! Keep'em comin'!
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 7:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now polling
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PostPosted: Tue May 15, 2012 6:59 pm    Post subject: Chapter 8 Reply with quote

Harry's Strip Club
Tuesday 4:45 PM


After disobeying a couple speed limit signs and a few other traffic laws, I arrived at the former strip joint a bit early. I parked in the vacant lot across the street, my vehicle pointed at the building so I could see. I killed the engine and proceeded to watch the entrance for the remaining five minutes. There was nothing out of ordinary about the building. The doors were shut and the neon sign that had once shone brightly in the Signet night was faded and partially broken. Of to the side of the doors was a small memorial for the two former managers of the place. The original Harry died a slow whiskey-related death while the next one simply vanished and is presumed by most to be dead.

A tall man with blonde hair stood at the memorial for a moment before walking away. After he had left, I stepped out of my car, checked on my gun in its shoulder holster and made my way to the entrance. I cast a single glance to the memorials and then reached for the door handle.

I pulled slowly and to my surprise, the door actually opened. I looked around cautiously before walking into the building. I walked slowly and drew my gun as I made my way into the darkness.

As I stepped into the center of the room, a spotlight turned on and focused on an individual sitting in a chair just a couple feet in front of me, His back flat against the main stage.

The person sitting there was pale and had a head of messy black hair that cascaded from a black skull cap. He was dressed in a torn and ratty gray suit. A slick smile appeared on his face as he stared at me.

“Glad you could make it, Wolfe,” he said. As he spoke a gigantic, muscular man sat a table in front of him, before disappearing into the shadows again.

“Ok. I get it, your the mysterious stranger who is supposed to have some sort of knowledge about my case, right? The elusive stranger who speaks in riddles and hides in the shadows while smoking cheap cigarettes. Am I right?”

“Close. My name is Stone and I do smoke. Not cigarettes though,” he said, snapping his fingers. The muscled giant returned again and sat a couple items down on the table. The first was an expensive looking cell phone. The second was an object that appeared to be a bag of marijuana. He pulled a square of paper. He sat it down and stared straight at me while he placed some weed on it and rolled up a joint.

“You know that's illegal, right?” I asked. “And I am currently under the employ of the police department?”

He chuckled as he lit it up and took a nice long drag. He held it in for about fifteen seconds before exhaling and smiling wide.

“Last I checked, your prostitution habit wasn't exactly legal either. You were with Ms. Lucy Weaver last time I believe. Three hour session. Real stallion, ain't ya? And you're not under the police's employ. You're their consultant.”

My teeth ground together as he spoke. I didn't like being watched. Didn't like how much information he had about me. I started to reach for my gun but was stopped by a very large hand that tightened on my shoulder like a vice.

“Just who the fuck are you?”

“As I said. My name is Stone, the gentleman behind you is Keith. I am the Underground's Messenger. I see and hear everything. People of ill repute call upon my service when they need a letter delivered discreetly, a code conveyed or a phone passed. I'm here for the latter.”

As soon as he finished speaking, the phone on the table started to ring. He took another long drag and motioned for me to pick it up. Staring straight into his eyes, I stayed put.

“And if I refuse?”

“Then Keith will turn you into my personal piggy bank, I return my client's money and then I go have sex with a model.”

I glanced over my shoulder at the giant behind me and saw that clutched in his other gorilla sized mitt was a very large sword. Looking to Stone, he simply pointed at the phone. Keith let go and I moved forward. Hesitating slightly, I grabbed the phone and picked it up. I pushed the Talk button and held the phone to my ear. I swallowed hard and let out a deep breath.

“This is Wolfe.”

“Do you know what the definition of insanity is, Mr. Wolfe?” a female voice said on the other end. Her voice was strained and raspy. The remnants of a long crying jag still evident. It also sounded very tired.

“Who is this?”

“Insanity is doing the same thing again and expecting a different result. That is why he is going to win. You will do the same things to catch him. Follow the same procedure. He will escape again.”

“The Master?”

“If you had tried harder last time, maybe I wouldn't have to be a victim.”

I opened my mouth to say something but could think of nothing, she was right. If I had truly tried in Vegas than he wouldn't be here now. Wouldn't be taunting with the voice of the future dead. No matter what I dead, she was going to die. I knew that. Otherwise he wouldn't allow this call. Letting out a sigh, I said the only two words that came to me.

“I'm sorry.”

The voice on the other end let out a raspy breath before a loud clatter hit my ears, causing me to jerk. I stood for a couple minutes before I heard the phone being lifted.

“Twelve hours, Wolfe,” a deep, distorted voice stated. “You will meet her in twelve hours.” There was a click as the person hung up and I sat the phone down onto the table. I looked at Stone and leande forward, placing both hands on the wood in front of me.

“Who is he?”

“Who?” Stone replied.

“The Master.”

“Dunno. I was given a time and date and method. I executed it.”

I growled a bit and straightened up. “Why'd you text me to get me here for a phone call. Why the hell didn't he just call me himself. Who...” Before I could finish my current thought, the world went black around me.

I came to some time later. I was behind the wheel of my car, the back of my skull pounding like a bass drum and a post it stuck to the steering wheel staring back at me.

Sorry. Q&A Later. Stone.

“Bitch,” I snapped as I crumpled the paper and threw it in the seat next to me. I grabbed the steering wheel and drummed my fingers on it. Hearing that girl's voice irritated me. The Master talking to me angered me. Getting knocked out pissed me off. I could call this in to Z and tell him what just happened. Then again, I could go in there and see if the little runt was still there. Doubt it but it could be worth a shot.

Or I could simply follow another lead. I had a couple. The ID. I'm sure the lab or morgue would have some information. Sighing, I leaned back and resisted the urge to punch out the nearest window.

***************

What does our hero do? Go Inside? Call Z? Follow another lead? The case is yours to solve.
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PostPosted: Mon May 21, 2012 4:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Biz!

Another great chappie, and a fine edition to your tale! I found a couple of sentences/paragraphs that I really liked and thought gave good atmoshere...


Quote:
I glanced over my shoulder at the giant behind me and saw that clutched in his other gorilla sized mitt was a very large sword. Looking to Stone, he simply pointed at the phone. Keith let go and I moved forward. Hesitating slightly, I grabbed the phone and picked it up. I pushed the Talk button and held the phone to my ear. I swallowed hard and let out a deep breath.


I like that you've got the nerves that Wolfe is feeling coming through here. It would've been easy enough to portray him as a really tough, 'I'm never scared ever' kinda guy, but done in this way, it makes the character more believable and gives facets to his feelings and emotions. Very well done! Smile

In fact, I really enjoyed the entire phone conversation with the doomed woman from beginning to end. It was very well written and gave a sense of how sure The Master really is of his power over her and everyone else. He knows that he's not going to get caught, and isn't afraid to rub it in the faces of his persuer.


Found a couple of things...


Quote:
Of to the side of the doors was a small memorial for the two former managers of the place.


Off

Quote:
I pulled slowly and to my surprise, the door actually opened. I looked around cautiously before walking into the building. I walked slowly and drew my gun as I made my way into the darkness.


I actually like the atmosphere created by these sentences, but there are a couple of niggles, which are based on personal opinion, so you don't have to change anything. Firstly the double usage of walking/walked, as marked in red. If the first 'walking' was removed, along with the following 'into', and replaced with 'entered', the flow would be much better. I also think it would look better if the last two sentences were made into one, as follows...

I looked around cautiously before entering the building, walking slowly and drawing my gun as I made my way into the darkness.

It looks good anyway, but just a thought. Smile


Quote:
As I stepped into the center of the room, a spotlight turned on and focused on an individual sitting in a chair just a couple feet in front of me, His back flat against the main stage.


No need for a capital 'H' on 'his'.

Quote:
The person sitting there was pale and had a head of messy black hair that cascaded from a black skull cap. He was dressed in a torn and ratty gray suit. A slick smile appeared on his face as he stared at me.


As has already been established in the previous sentence, the individual seated there is a man/boy, as indicated by the 'his'. If you were to replace the part marked in red with either 'man' or 'boy' it would make it flow better, especially since the description of the person 'sitting' is also used in the prior sentence.

Quote:
“Ok. I get it, your the mysterious stranger who is supposed to have some sort of knowledge about my case, right?


You're

Quote:
I opened my mouth to say something but could think of nothing, she was right. If I had truly tried in Vegas than he wouldn't be here now. Wouldn't be taunting with the voice of the future dead. No matter what I dead, she was going to die. I knew that. Otherwise he wouldn't allow this call. Letting out a sigh, I said the only two words that came to me.


A few things here (though it's a brilliant paragraph! I really do love it!)...the first part in red needs to be a sentence of it's own I think. The second doesn't sound quite right. I think it needs to be 'taunted' or 'taunting me'. And the third looks like it should be 'did' or 'said'.

Quote:
I looked at Stone and leande forward, placing both hands on the wood in front of me.


Leaned


For the dp...I'm gonna say go with trying to find new leads. Go to the morgue and see if there's any new info. Check in with your fellow lawmen to see if they've uncovered anything. We've got 12 hours before the girl dies (I'm assuming that's what was meant in the phone call anyway), and though it seems unlikely that we'll get to her in time, we can't give up. Maybe pop back into the building to see if Stone or his associates have left any clue lying around, though if he's to be believed, he doesn't actually know anything about the identity of The Master, so likely not worth it. Just try and get as much info as possible, I'm going to say. Wink


Again, great chappie Biz! Keep up the good work! Smile

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PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2012 7:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

great job Biz!! i say...lets hit the morgue!!
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PostPosted: Mon May 28, 2012 2:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Awesome SG!! I love how you put us in the shoes of a flawed private detective, with just enough good qualities to make us care about him. This story seem pretty deep, well done!

Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, but Stone exudes perfection with his work. I highly doubt Wolfe can find anything by going back in. But, if it only takes ten minutes, it's still worth a try. Next, I would go to the morgue. Something has changed with the Master's habits. I believe there is a clue in this. Don't let any detail slip when examining the bodies!
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 4:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Harry's Strip Club
Tuesday 6:03 PM

Getting out of the car, I strolled back up to the front of the building. Giving a cautious look around, I reached at the door and attempted to pull it open. It was locked. I gave it a couple extra tugs before letting go and slamming my hand on it in anger. Giving the door another smack, I stepped back and sighed.

Whoever Stone was, he was good. He was in and out, locked the door behind him. But then again he did seem quite cocky. Looking down, I noticed something that really looked out of place. Something I should have noticed right away, yet was having difficulty due to the throbbing that still resounded in my brain from when the gorilla smacked me.

It was a welcome mat. Kneeling down, I flipped open the corner and discovered a key sitting underneath it. Directly under the key was a post-it. Grabbing the key I read the note and my anger heightened.

Good boy. You sniffed out the key. You deserve a treat.

I grabbed the note, crumpled it, stood and tossed it into the street. I stared at it for a moment after it landed before turning and letting myself into the club with assistance from the key. Inside I found no sign of him or his accomplice. It was as if neither of them had been there. There wasn't even a sign of my past presence there. AFter inspecting everything closely, I sighed in defeat and strolled out of the building.

Signet City Police Station
Tuesday 7:44 PM


After battling an bit of traffic, I arrived at the police station and killed the engine. I stepped out and marched into the building, determined to find out some information. To get some sort of lead. I was not going to let The Master win. Not this time. Still hearing the woman's voice speak inside my skull, I moved down the stairs to the second basement where the morgue resided.

Maybe I wouldn't have to be a victim, the woman had said. The breaking in her voice had sent chills through his spine. The way she had spoke had angered him and filled him with sorrow as will. She was going to die and I was to blame. If I had just caught him the first time and put a bullet in his skull then all of this wouldn't be happening and Signet City would have one less psychopath.

I shook the feelings from my head and strolled into the cool refrigerated room of the morgue. A short woman stood by one of the bodies, her brown with blonde highlighted hair tied up into a ponytail. She was wearing the usual coroner face mask and white coat as she examined a body I did not recognize.

"Kathy, how's my favorite little coroner?"

"That a short joke, asshat?" she responded.

"Of course not," I said. "My, you have such a short fuse."

She straightened up and crossed her arms. "Strike two, Wolfe. What do you want?"

"Four victims. The Master. I need to see them. I need all your info on them. Something is changing in his style. Hopefully, he left a clue."

She nodded and gestured for me to follow her. She led me through a set of double doors where four metal tables sat. On each table as a white sheet draped over lumps that I was positive were the corpses. I pulled down the sheet of one and stared at the porcelain face of Suicide Sammy.

"I'm sorry, Sammy. I'll get him for you. I promise," I told her.

Sitting on her neck was a long and deep cut. A dagger would have found between her legs. True to The Master's form.

"That the cause of death?"

"No," the coroner stated. "The cut was post-mortem on the first three victims. My best guess from preliminary examinations. Poisoning. Pupils were extremely dilated. It'll be a while until we get a full tox screen but my bet is that it is absolutely loaded with nasties."

I nodded and something clicked inside my head. The previous victims had been poisoned. Only one died though. He had used a dangerous combination of mood controllers and hallucinogenics. A combination that later proved to be the death of a chosen victim. Then it hit me.

"No signs of restraints?"

"Nope."

"Defensive wounds?"

"No again."

It was all perfect, just the way it had always been and now I understood why. He kept them drugged. Sedated. Docile. Hallucinogenic drugs that allowed him to get into the minds of his victims. Keep them scared. That's why Kyla didn't remember much. I nodded and finished uncovering Sammy. The coroner said nothing as I examined ever inch of her. I scoured her entire pale body until I found it. A puncture wound between her toes.

"There. He injected her there."

"I saw that. Injection spot. She was a hooker though so, chances are she used too."

I marched over to her and stared down into her eyes. She showed no fear as I towered over her angry. "That's you're problem. That's the fucking problem with all you people associated with the pigs here. She sold handjobs in a back alley and was a stripper so immediately that means she's a junkie too, right."

"Well, in my experience," she started.

"You have no experience, bitch," I snapped. You live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. You don't know these people. I do. If you really knew a goddamned thing, you'd know that junkies only go to toes if they have high profile jobs, which she doesn't, or run out of room on there arms. Did you find any other marks?"

"No."

"Case in point. These girls were not druggies Any marks you find on them are from the cocksucker that killed them, got me?"

She nodded and I casually walked away. I pulled the sheet back up over Sammy and rested my hand on the top of her head. "Give heaven hell for me, kiddo."

I strolled out of the morgue, my mind reflecting back on my days watching Sammy up on the stage of Tits. She was beautiful. So full of life and proud of her job and where she was. It was a shame now though. As I reached my car, I heard my phone start to go off, I pulled it from my pocket and stared at the number.

It was Lucy.

I answered it and did my best to hide the sadness that I felt over the loss of life I witnessed in the morgue.

"Hey, sweet nips, how's things?"

"You know, Wolfie, things are things," she said. "I was wondering if I could come stay at your place tonight. What with the current events, I don't wanna be out tonight. And my apartment is kinda being used."

I sighed. "Yeah. I'll come get you. You at your usual corner?"

"You know it. See you in a bit, sugar."

After hanging up, I pocketed the phone and immediately pulled out my notepad. I flipped it to an open page and thought about where I should pick up my investigation in the morning. I could check out Tits and try to ID and drop Lucy off there first thing. Then again, I could hit up Z and try to dig up information on Stone, or I could simply drop by the morgue and lab again and see if the tox screen was in.

Once I decided, i jotted it down, dropped the notepad into the passenger seat and drove away.

************

Ok, here is how this works. You go ahead and make your suggestions for the next lead to follow. Wolfe is going to go home and "comfort" himself. The next chapter is going to be another glimpse at The Master and the chapter immediately following will pick up with the winning suggestion for a lead. Ok, we clear, good, so what does our dashing hero do?
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2012 8:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great chapter, as always!

Controlling his victims by drugging them? Hmm, that's potentially a good lead. With any luck, the drug he used might be regulated, which means the killer could be in a profession that gives him access to regulated drugs. Although, if it's just an illegally obtained club drug, it's going to be much harder to track down the source.

I say drop by the labs for the toxicology results, first. While he's there at the station, he can ask Z to look into Stone. However, unless Z is *really* good at what he does, I wouldn't expect too much of it. Smile
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2012 12:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i'm with Sagi. check the tox screen. good work, Biz!
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 11:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Biz! And again, sorry for the later reply.


Another nice edition to your tale you have here. I especially liked the little exchange between Wolfe and Kathy. The jokey beginning to the conversation added a little touch of humour to this dark tale without being overpowering and out of place. Very well done. Smile


Just a couple of very minor things here...


Quote:
The way she had spoke had angered him and filled him with sorrow as will.


Well?

Quote:
These girls were not druggies Any marks you find on them are from the cocksucker that killed them, got me?


Full stop after 'druggies'.


And yep, I'm all for getting the tox results too. Might give Wolfe a seriously good lead on the case.


Much enjoyed, Biz! Keep up the good work! Smile

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 9:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great story Biz, Loving them as always! As far as the DP, I would say that he return Lucy.. Obviously she doesnt want to be alone, and he would see to that she gets to work safely. Maybe after dropping her off he can head to the tox screen? But I would definitely return her to her work before heading another direction!
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2012 3:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Harry's Strip Club
Wednesday 1:00 AM


The Corporal stood in the center of the room and stared up at the stage. He could see nothing but he knew that He was up there. Watching. Waiting. And worst of all, smiling. Even though he couldn't see it in the unfathomable, unnatural shadow, he could feel it. The Master was smiling and it made him uncomfortable. The Master's smile usually meant that something bad was going to happen. His partners-in-crime didn't see it. Didn't realize it. But that smile meant trouble.

“Hey, Corp, a little help would be appreciated. We're supposed to keep the dress clean and pristine,” a male voice called from the entrance. The Corporal turned his head and his eyes were met with that of another dressed in the same garb that he was. The same leather ensemble that consisted of a hood, jacket, pants, gloves and boots along with a golden comedy mask. Sticking out from his partner's mask was the end of a red beard.

The Corporal nodded and strolled to the other follower. Together the two of them took a couple steps outside where a black van sat, its engine still running. Once in front of it, The Corporal knocked on the back door. After a couple of seconds it opened up and he was greeted by the frowning white mask of The Lady.

“Corporal, Viking, let's hurry up and get the bitch inside. Our Master wants to address us,” she said.

“What about the others? Will they be attending?”

“They'll be here soon,” The Lady said stepping down out of the van, revealing a deceased young woman that lay behind her. The young girl in the van was dressed in a pure white dress and was laying on a plastic tarp as not to ruin it. That was the first law that The Master had decreed. Tenet One for The Master's flock. Her head was cocked to the side, allowing The Corporal to stare at her face. Her beautiful face that was forever frozen in a looked of drug-fueled splendor. Deep in his gut, he was starting to doubt his leader's message. The girl in the vehicle before him may have been a prostitute but he was starting to question whether she had to die for it.

“Come on. Let's work,” The Viking said as he stepped into the van. The Corporal followed suit and together they lifted the girl and carried her from the van into the building. They moved into the main room and turned. Together they moved, perfectly in sync, to the bar. Then with more practiced moves, the duo hoisted her up onto the bar. As the stepped back, the silent purr of another engine appeared outside. They were here. The rest of the flock. The remainder of the Purgatory Guardians. The Corporal looked to his brother and then moved silently to the center of the room once more. As the other five members entered, he pointed them to the body.

One by one, they went to her, each one performing some tiny action to prepare her for discovery. One took a folded picture from a pocket and jotted some ancient letters on the back before placing it in the deceased's hand. Another brushed her hair, for the hundredth time tonight, just to make sure she looked her best. Another placed a syringe right above her head on the bar. One of the final two placed a few black berries into her other hand while the final one recited an old prayer for her. An insidious incantation that hadn't been spoken in a couple centuries.

As The Corporal watched the preparation, he could feel something in the air. Something shifting in the room. Casting a glance over his shoulder, he knew what it was. In front of the stage, staring straight up into the shadows was The Lady. And deep within the dark was The Master and he was no longer smiling. The Corporal didn't know how he knew but he did. It was quite the opposite. He was scowling. While his smile made The Corporal uneasy, the glare terrified him. It was in his moments of anger that injuries happened. That one of the group wound up in the infirmary or with various marks and bruises.

A few seconds later, he saw The Lady start to turn, so he quickly affixed his gaze to the body. After everything was finished and ready for the police to find it he, alongside the others formed a single file line in the dead center of the room. The Lady faced them for about half a minute before gliding past them and strolling outside. Once she was gone, the sound of movement came from the blackness before them.

“Florist, Stylist, Scholar, Doctor, Priest, Viking, Corporal, welcome all of you,” the deep and commanding voice said from the stage. “Tonight is a very wondrous night, my children. For tonight, we are set upon the path to destroying our old enemy that stands in the way. After tonight, we will hold the city firmly in our grasp. After tonight, every wretched whore will be looking over their shoulder. Every hustler will be praying for salvation. Every piece of filth will be begging to be made clean. Are you ready, children?”

Each and every follower let out a loud “Yes” in response.

“But first,” he continued, “a problem must be taken care of. Corporal, step forward.”

The Corporal swallowed hard before obeying. He kept his eyes dead ahead of him. Anxiety filled him. He had seen this done once before. It didn't exactly end up very well for the previous person in his position. A line of sweat appeared at his brow and poured down his face.

“La-di-da,” The Lady's voice sang from behind him. Without looking, he heard her light steps approach from the side. As his eyes fell upon her, he saw that she was carrying a raven-colored toolbox. She sat it down near the stage and then skipped toward him and stopped directly in front of him.

“Flock, depart,” The Master ordered. Spinning around, The Corporal watched as his brethren marched in a single file line to the exit and departed. He started to say something by was interrupted by surge of pain to the back of his knee. A disturbing crack, one that resembled splintering wood, made its way to his ears. Buckling down, he felt, someone clutching the back of his hood. With ease he was spun around and tossed to the floor.

“Corporal, I know that you have been doubting me,” The Master's spoke, “That you have lost sight of our purpose. Before now, I would simply leave you with that bum knee. But with how close we are to success, you cannot remain. You mustn't be allowed to spoil our victory.”

The Corporal looked up and to his horror, watched as the lights around him went out one by one until the only light was a single spotlight shining down upon him.

“Please, have mercy,” he begged.

“Oh, I will. You will be helping Sarah there spread my message.” With a loud clap from the dark, the final spotlight went out. The Lady, started whistling and made her way from the building and hopped in the passenger seat of the awaiting van.

“Ready, miss?” the driver asked.”

The Lady shushed him and smiled wide under her mask as the sounds of screams pierced the night air. Loud, horrendous screams that sent a pleasurable chill up her spine.

“Yes, dearie, my work is done,” she said. As the van pulled away and went up the block, she swore she could still hear the screams.

**********

Next chapter will be where I incorporate your choices from before...so for this chapter just let me know what you think of The Master and his little crew.
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2012 10:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is good work, biz! I didn't expect Master to actually have a cult following him. That could explain how he got the body into the police station though. He's much more powerful than I anticipated!
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2012 9:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was...REALLY creepy...well done Biz! lol
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 3:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Biz! Smile


This was unexpected, given the last dp, and in a good way. It was fab getting a little bit more information about The Master, his followers and how they work. I still can't make out what the Master himself is, human or something more supernatural. I look forward to getting new information as the story unfolds further.

I found a few things...


Quote:
The young girl in the van was dressed in a pure white dress and was laying on a plastic tarp as not to ruin it.


There's a couple of things here. Firstly, 'dressed' and 'dress' that close together breaks the flow. Maybe turn the first to 'clothed' or 'garbed'. Secondly, the part marked in blue, though I'm not actually sure if there's any kind of mistake as such, it doesn't read well to me. Maybe change it to something like...

lay upon a plastic tarp, so as to not ruin it.


Quote:
Her head was cocked to the side, allowing The Corporal to stare at her [color=redface[/color]. Her beautiful face that was forever frozen in a looked of drug-fueled splendor.


Another couple here. Double usage of 'face' is a little jarring. Maybe change the first to something like 'visage' (a favourite of mine Wink, or combine the two sentences together, so they read...

Her head was cocked to the side, allowing The Corporal to stare at her beautiful face, forever frozen in a looked of drug-fuelled splendour.

Fuelled

Splendour


Quote:
They moved into the main room and turned. Together they moved, perfectly in sync, to the bar.


There's the double usage of 'moved' here in close conjunction, plus the use of 'move' in the following sentence as well, and I think the best way to get rid of one is to combine the two sentences. Something like...

They moved into the main room, turned, and made their way, perfectly in sync, to the bar.


Quote:
Loud, horrendous screams that sent a pleasurable chill up her spine.


Considering that there's a 'screams' in the prior sentence and another in close proximity in the following paragraph, I think this one would be better switched to something else. Maybe 'cries of pain' or something similar.


At the absence of a dp for this chappie, nothing remains to be said besides this was a very good read and thoroughly enjoyed. I look forward to the next one! Keep up the good work! Smile

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 17, 2012 10:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is just a bookmark to say that I'm catching up!
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 7:42 am    Post subject: Chapter 11 Reply with quote

Wolfe's Apartment
Wednesday 6:45 AM


Rays of sunlight shone on my face, fresh from the Signet City dawn. My eyes fluttered open and made their way to the naked woman passed out next to me. Her face was partially covered by long strands of dark chocolate colored hair with a handful of blonde highlights. In the fresh light from outside, I could see her delicate features and was quite glad to be seeing them first thing in the morning.

Leaning over, I kissed her head softly before climbing out of bed and grabbing my boxers off of the bedpost. After sliding them on, I strode from my bedroom and into the main part of my apartment, gently closing the door behind me. My apartment was small. It wasn't studio sized but I'm sure that even someone in a slum would decline trading. It contained no couch or television or anything that most people would consider important to a household. Instead, there was a desk with three chairs; one behind and two in front. A small computer sat in the center of the desk amidst a pile of papers.

Rubbing my hand through my hair, I moved behind the desk and sat down. On the screen was my screensaver. A slide show of various victims that I had run across during my investigations both from my days as a full-fledged officer and from my tenure as a private dick. For minutes I couldn't take my eyes away. Most of them had received justice in one form or another. All except for one. The battered body of Kyla appeared on the screen. Asleep in a hospital bed, fresh from her release from the Master.

I flicked the mouse and my desktop replaced her sleeping image. I spent the next few minutes maneuvering through e-mails. There were several messages from varying people trying to get me to click links and order the latest male enhancement drug. The message that stood out the most though was the most recent one. The name of the sender was simply listed as Stone.

I could feel my teeth gritting at just the sight of his name. My eyes moved to the subject line and I got even more annoyed.

Second Date?

The asshole was playing with me. Out of unbearable curiosity, I clicked on it. The message was just as simple as the subject line and sender.

Signet City International Airport
Midnight

Clicking out of my email, I stood from the computer and moved across the room into the closet of a kitchen. Pulling a cold beer from the fridge, I could hear my bedroom door open. I opened the beer, took a swig and stepped out of the kitchen.

“Morning, Wolfie,” Lucy said, pulling the beer out of my hands and draining half of it in one go.

“Good morning, sweet nips,” I said, gently removing the bottle from her hands and finishing it off.

“Um, could you give me a lift to my corner?” she asked, batting her eyelashes at me. “After last night's exercise, I'm feeling a bit worn out. Too worn out to walk. That and there's a big scary killer out there.”

I smiled and kissed her cheek softly. “Let's get dressed and I'll take you,” I said. “I've got to go anyway. There's a big scary killer out there.”

Together we moved into my room where she slipped into her miniskirt and halter top and I slipped into a ruffled gray suit. Without saying another word, I grabbed my keys and we walked out of my apartment together.

In a companionable silence, we got into my car and drove away. A swarm of thoughts buzzed around in my skull. Lucy and I had been having a couple of these visits every week for the last couple of months. She claimed they were freebies for all of my loyal service. It was more than that. Whenever I felt lonely or she needed a place to stay, she ended up at my place. There wasn't any real pillow talk of which to speak, just uninhibited passion. A couple of times, I gave her some money. She always took it but her eyes told me she didn't want to.

Lately, I had entertained thoughts of asking her out on a proper date but had never done so. Such things tended to get messy for me. And a relationship with a hooker would most likely be just as messy.

After a ten minute drive, I pulled up in front of Tits and killed the engine. She leaned in and kissed my cheek.

“Thanks for the ride, Wolfie,” she said. As she pulled away, I grabbed her arm.

“Wait,” I told her. My hand moved into my pocket and I pulled out a handful of twenties.

“No. You paid last time, Wolfie. This one is a freebie.”

“But...”

She placed a finger against my lips to silence me. “No. No money this time. You fuck for free.” Flashing me a smile, she got out and strolled forward to her corner where a couple of her coworkers were waiting.

After a minute of watching her mingle, I started the engine back up and drove away.

Signet City Police Station
Wednesday 7:45 AM


Once I arrived at the police station, I turned off the car and sat there for a moment. I scanned the cars in the parking lot, hoping to see Z's. It wasn't there. Probably sleeping in. It was early though. Sighing, I got out and headed to the building.

“Oh god, it's you again,” the chief's secretary said as I entered. She had been off to the side, gossiping with another female whom I didn't recognize. She was now glaring at me.

“Yep. And I'll be coming and going as I please until The Master is gone. Tox Screen in?”

“I don't fucking know, go check with the geeks downstairs.”

I nodded at her and started toward the stairwell. “Thanks, Gwen. You've been a real doll to talk to as always.”

“Fuck you, Wolfe,” she shouted. I laughed. Her annoyance at my very existence amused me slightly. Once I reached the bottom, I searched around until I found a lab tech. Eventually I saw Wilhelm Moriarty. He was seated at a microscope and was studying something intently.

“Moriarty, you got the tox results for our Master victims?”

“Yeppers,” he said without looking up at me. “All negative.”

“Negative? Bullshit,” I said leaning forward on the desk by him. “They were drugged. I saw the marks. What you search for?”

“Heroin. Coke. Oxy. Vico. Morphine. You know, the usual drugs that the psychos use.”

“The Master isn't your usual psycho. He's self-righteous and a complete sadist. He's not going to use that stuff. Run the tox again. This time, look for everything.”

“Sure. Get right on that, buddy. You do realize that it may take a couple days, right?”

“Just get it done.”

I started away from him and promptly bumped into Z.

“Josh, hey, you up here to see the tox screen?”

“Yeah. Nothing. I told your little tech to run it again and look for everything. Master drugged them, I know it.”

A confused look came over Z's face and he looked over my shoulder at Moriarty. Looking back at me, staring straight into my eyes, he adjusted his glasses.

“Nothing?”

I shook my head. “Nothing. But I do got another lead for you to follow,” I told him. His eyes now became filled with a dire hope. It was the same look I had when The Master first arrived. The exact same feeling I got with every lead that would end up leading me nowhere. I pitied him.

“Yeah. Guy texted me yesterday, told me to meet him at Harry's. I showed up at he had set up a phone call between me and The Master.”

Z's jaw dropped. “You spoke with him?”

“Not much. Mostly a woman. I think she's gonna appear soon. A victim. But I want you to see if you can track down the guy who arranged the meeting. He goes by the name Stone. Seems like the illegitimate son of a pothead and a mobster. Said he was the Underground's Messenger.”

“Ok, I'll have someone run it down. Anywhere in particular you were gonna start looking?”

I shrugged. Truth was I didn't know. There was still the option of checking out Tits and flashing the Jane Doe from the morgue around, see if anyone recognized her. Or I could just get a good morning drink and dance. Part of me wanted to go to the earlier crime scenes, before I was called on the case, see if I could see anything new. The Master was changing his style, could have gotten sloppy. It was doubtful but I could.

Whatever I was going to do, I had to do it fast. Lives counted on it.

****************

What does he do? Visit the Crime Scenes? Try to identify the Jane Doe? Get a little plastered? It's up to you.
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 28, 2012 8:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Biz!


Well, it's been a long time coming, but it was worth the wait. A fab new chapter, and I very much enjoyed reading it! I'm intrigued by the new meeting with Stone, and also by the fact that Wolfe isn't telling Z about it. I'm wondering if he's got anything specific planned.


I found a couple of things...


Quote:
In the fresh light from outside, I could see her delicate features and was quite glad to be seeing them first thing in the morning.

I'd change 'see' to 'make out' or something similar, to make the writing flow better.

Quote:
After sliding them on, I strode from my bedroom and into the main part of my apartment, gently closing the door behind me. My apartment was small.

Okay, a couple of things here. Though 'part' and 'apartment' aren't the same word, the fact that the word 'part' is contained within the other still makes it sound slightly jarring. I would the first to 'area' or something similar. Also, I'd remove the sentence in blue, and merely add the description of the apartment being small to the former to rid yourself of the second usage of 'apartment'.

After sliding them on, I strode from my bedroom and into the main area of my small apartment, gently closing the door behind me.

Maybe even use another word, such as 'pokey' or something similar.


Quote:
Together we moved into my room where she slipped into her miniskirt and halter top and I slipped into a ruffled gray suit.

Double usage of the descriptive term 'slipped into'. The description itself sounds more...feminine, shall we say, so I think it should be left when describing how Lucy is putting her clothes back on. The part for Wolfe could be changed to something like the following:

Together we moved into my room where she slipped into her miniskirt and halter top and I dragged a ruffled gray suit over my unwashed form.

That last part is optional, of course. It just struck me that he'd not showered, lol! (I'm a bit of a cleanliness freak Razz)


Quote:
Such things tended to get messy for me. And a relationship with a hooker would most likely be just as messy.

I'd remove this latter 'messy' and replace it with something like, 'And a relationship with a hooker would likely be no different.' or something like that.

Quote:
I showed up at he had set up a phone call between me and The Master.”

The 'at' should be 'and' I'm thinking?


For the dp, I'm thinking that maybe Wolfe should go and descreetly ask some of the other hookers about the latest Jane Doe. Maybe just ask a couple of the girls that he knows better and trusts. See what they have to say.


Much enjoyed, Biz! Keep up the good work! Smile

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 28, 2012 1:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It was the butler! Haha, I know we are nowhere near the 'who done it' of this story, but I couldn't help asserting the most obvious of cliches. Wink

Anyway...I caught up! Super excited about this story! Gripping, realistic, and, as always, very well written. I'm very fond of our leading man - I have a weak spot for sarcastic hard asses with a gritty past. Always makes for good conflict and development and all that jazz.

I also like how the chapters/scenes are done like they would be written in a police file. It makes the reader feel engrossed in figuring out the crime along with the main character, plus it gives that sense of urgency/time passing.

For the DP...I like the idea of checking on the identity of the Jane Doe. But I also like the idea of Wolfe finding one of the crime scenes on his own, rather than arriving on the scene after the police have basically cleaned it up already. I say after checking with some girls on the ID of our Jane Doe, Wolfe goes to Harry's on a whim. Maybe a futile attempt at finding out more about Stone that leads to his discovery of the latest girl (not to mention the lackey)?

Well done, Biz! Keep up the great work! Very Happy
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 28, 2012 3:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

another good one, Biz! i loved when you referred to Stone as the "Illegitimate son of a pothead and a mobster". i actually laughed out loud because that really is the idea of him i had. haha!

for the DP, i'm going to go with everyone else and say flash the pic. someone has to know who she is...
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 1:48 am    Post subject: Post Reply with quote

Good good good good good! All caught up and I am still in love. Gah, Stone makes me laugh so hard. He's great. Your imagry and realism is still fantastic. I always look forward to reading your works. *Grin*



I'd saaaay. . . . . .Check the old crime scenes. Look at things sideways. Stop thinking like a cop y'know?

Anyways, more more more! Keep'em comin'!
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2013 7:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Eeep! I missed this chapter too?! How many exactly have I missed? Damn, it's a good thing Pope bumped this up! It's a great chapter, biz, as usual!

So we now know our killer didn't use a common drug, but possibly something exotic. That's good. That's a lot easier to track. In the meantime, I'm torn between identifying Jane Doe, and revisiting the earlier crime scene. I think I'll go with the earlier crime scenes. Our leading man knows the Master more than anyone, so if there's a hidden clue that everyone else missed, he'll find it. Very Happy
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2013 12:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now Polling
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 11:14 am    Post subject: Voted Reply with quote

Yaaay, voted!!!! Broke the 3 way tie, whooo! *Waits excitedly for new chappy*
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 11:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Harry's Strip Club
Wednesday 9:30 A.M.

After an uneventful journey that consisted mostly of me swearing at horde of people in their morning commute and promising bodily harm to everybody in my path, I pulled up to Harry's. I don't know why but Harry's called out to me. Something about my last visit to this place screamed that it wasn't finished with me. Not yet. I glanced around to make sure no one was looking before walking to the door and pulling it open. It was then I noticed the first signs of trouble. Blood.

On the inside of the door, I could make out a bloody handprint, left in a position one would place their hand if they were leaving the building. I backed up quickly and scanned the streets once more. I moved back to my car and pulled my gun from the glove compartment. I checked the magazine and the chamber before slamming the door and heading into Harry's cautiously.

Thanks to the lack of windows. The room was filled with darkness. Memories flooded my skull of years ago when Kyla had been found wandering the streets. She had said that the Master always dwelled within the dark. He never left it. It was like it was a part of him. Hearing those words echo in my skull made me extremely wary and though I loathed the psycho. I now found myself fearing him.

Following the wall, I managed to find a row of light switches and flicked every one. The lights came on almost immediately and the first thing I told me that The Master had definitely changed. My eyes instinctively snapped shut and my head spun in a different direction. My body followed suit and as my eyes slowly opened, I saw a young woman laying on the bar in the usual white dress. Letting out a breath, I turned back around and approached the mess that sat dead center of the floor. Once I was fairly close, I hesitantly crouched down to get a better look.

From what was left of the body, I could tell that whoever it was was at one time male. At least I was pretty sure it was. The victim was clad in a t-shirt that at one point was white but was now red with blood. The only sign it had ever been white at all was a couple spots near the shoulders. Their gut sat open, innards removed and in a pile next to them. A golden comedy mask sat upon their face. As I focused my gaze on it, I saw that someone had melded it to their flesh. All the flesh below the elbow on their arms had been removed. The legs of this unfortunate soul had been broken at the knees and now sat at unnatural angles. The chest was nothing but a mess of stab wounds.

I stood up and backed away as my beer from earlier threatened to make a return appearance. Up on the stage a few feet from the body, I could make out a leather jacket, hanging over the edge. Maneuvering around the bloody mess, I slid my gun into the waistband of my pants and walked up to it. Doing my best not to contaminate this crime scene, I poked at the jacket until I could read what was on the back. The Corporal.

Even though this brutality was new, the name was familiar. At least some part of him was still predictable. He always sought out the same type of followers. Each time he appeared before he had someone with the same title. This was the first time they ended up a mutilated pile of flesh. Next to the jacket was a pair of gloves and a piece of cloth that resembled a hood. This was definitely the property of someone that ran with The Master. Something changed though. The Master was never this brutal. Especially to his minions.

I glanced over my shoulder at the remains and shuddered. Moving my eyes up, I caught sight of the girl on the bar. I had to inspect there too. I moved past The Corporal and to the young girl on the bar. She had long, ebony locks. Her flesh was that of ivory and if I didn't know better I could have mistaken her for sleeping. In one hand she clutched a photo. Without poking at the body I knew what it was. A picture of an old victim in the same pose. As I stared at her something struck me. No body had been left on a bar before. So what could the picture be of?

I took a deep breath before moving to the proper side and gently pulled the paper from her hand. I unfolded it and even though my initial instinct was to be angry, I found myself afraid. The image on the paper was of me standing outside the very first crime scene in Las Vegas, crouched next to The Master's first victim. This wasn't just a crime scene. It was personal. He was showing off again.

I sat the paper down and started to reach for my phone. The instant my fingers touched it, I flashed back to the phone call with The Master and his victim. I didn't know if this was the same girl but I wasn't going to rule it out. Her voice echoed in my skull. She had asked for the definition of insanity and then told me it when I didn't answer her. Doing the same actions and expecting different results. Without thinking, I let go of my phone and looked at the female victim's face.

“Insanity is doing the same thing again and expecting a different result,” I said aloud. My eyes drifted closed and an image of Sammy popped up in my head, leaning against the dumpster. As my eyes opened, I realized what had to be done. I had to change my style to. I was still thinking and acting like a cop. I was still pretending to be the homicide detective I once was. My old tricks weren't going to stop The Master. I had to evolve like he has. I grabbed the photo of me, folded it back up and stuffed it into my pocket. It was time to start doing things my way.

It was time for me to start catching up with this psycho. I didn't care that the cops might find it odd that the picture was missing from this scene. They'd ask me about it anyway. I could come tell them anything that sounded plausible. It didn't matter. Regular police work wasn't going to find him. In order to get him I had to be ruthless and cunning. Just like him.

I walked back to my car and placed the gun back in its compartment along with the piece of paper. After closing the glove compartment, I popped the trunk and headed to the back. The trunk of my car was filled with assorted trash and private detective tools. Magazines, flashlights and the tool I needed. Latex gloves. I pulled out a pair and slipped them on before finding a piece of cloth. I went back inside, wiping my prints from the door as I did.

With a new found determination to put a bullet in The Master's skull, I walked to the main stage. I searched the jacket to see if there were any clues held within. Nothing. I moved back to the mutilated corpse in the center of the floor, being careful not to step in the blood and patted him down. Then I felt something. The Master had left something on the body. I gingerly pulled the item from his pants pocket. It was a wallet.

Jackpot.

Flipping it open, I found his driver's license. William Allen. Either The Master didn't realize the kid had this on him or he just made his first mistake. I pocketed the wallet. And walked back to the light switch. I wiped my prints from the wall and then the switch and killed the lights.

As I left, I couldn't help but feel a little guilty for starting down this new road I was taking but it had to be done. My anger at the madman outweighed every other emotion. I got into my car and drove until I spotted a pay phone. A sly smile came over me as I parked and got out. Since it would be a while before anyone found the new crime scene and a twinge of guilt was still eating away at me, I decided to help out.

I moved to the phone, deposited the correct change and dialed Z's number. He was the only cop I trusted. Even if he suspected it was me that found the body, he would never call me on it. Not unless he could prove it.

“Hello,” he said, picking up after a single ring.

“Harry's Strip Club. Two bodies,” I said, lowering my voice in an attempt to disguise it. Without another word, I dropped the phone and moved back to my car. I quickly hit the gas and sped away. I had two new leads now to join the few I already had. A name and my own copy of the bastard's message. As I mindlessly maneuvered Signet City, I tried to think of where to go next.

**************************

Ok. Two new leads. Where does he go from here? Try to descern something from the photo/writing? Follow the ID? None of the above? You're in the driver's seat. What is your location?
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2013 9:48 am    Post subject: I Think. . . . . . Reply with quote

Oh ho ho, this could be fun. A cop finally going off the reservation, a bad guy I can't help but love, and so much Bizawesome. . . .What to do!?

Another great one Biz-kun, as we have ll come to expect of you. The scene was well set and there is some true mystery in here now.


For the DP. . . .Since he's stopping the cop thing, I'd say he should go see his girl and after some relaxation try something new. Perhaps ask if there's anyone she knows who might be able to do the work he needs done. Outside source for tech support. Since he's gonna go off and vigilant, he needs some outside tech support! Whoo!


Keep'em comin' B-man Razz
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2013 4:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Biz!

That was an awesome chapter! Though the whole chapter was good, the last 2-3 paragraphs were great, really well written, and they really stood out to me.

I liked this line...


Quote:
I stood up and backed away as my beer from earlier threatened to make a return appearance.


It was just very well done! Smile


I found a couple of things...


Quote:
Thanks to the lack of windows. The room was filled with darkness.


These sentences need to be joined into one, as the first seems incomplete on it's own.

Quote:
Hearing those words echo in my skull made me extremely wary and though I loathed the psycho. I now found myself fearing him.


Same here.

Quote:
The lights came on almost immediately and the first thing I told me that The Master had definitely changed.


I think that there needs to be a 'saw' between the 'I' and 'told'.

Quote:
Their gut sat open, innards removed and in a pile next to them. A golden comedy mask sat upon their face. As I focused my gaze on it, I saw that someone had melded it to their flesh. All the flesh below the elbow on their arms had been removed. The legs of this unfortunate soul had been broken at the knees and now sat at unnatural angles. The chest was nothing but a mess of stab wounds. 


This isn't exactly a mistake, but more an opinion of how it sounds. I think it would sound better if the 'theirs' associated with the victim was changed to 'the'. I don't know if anyone else would agree, but that's what I thought when I was reading the paragraph. Just a suggestion. Smile

Quote:
Maneuvering around the bloody mess, I slid my gun into the waistband of my pants and walked up to it.


Manoeuvring (I always have to check the spelling of that one myself)

Quote:
Moving my eyes up, I caught sight of the girl on the bar. I had to inspect there too. I moved past The Corporal and to the young girl on the bar.


One of the 'on the bar' parts needs to be removed to improve the flow, as they're too close together and it's a little jarring.


For the DP...I'm thinking he has a new lead that no one else is aware of and he should use it. I think he should try and find something out about the kid with the ID. Though he shouldn't assume that the Master has made a mistake in leaving it there. It could be a clue leading him to something bigger...you never know!


Much enjoyed, Biz! Keep up the good work!

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2013 4:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Vigilante Wolfe! Yeeesssssss Very Happy

I'm going to go with checking out this William Allen guy. We have his ID, so we probably know where he lives - let's go snoop! Perhaps there will be some clues there. The Master may not make mistakes, but that's not to say his minions don't.

Tika already got everything I caught, so all that's left to say is keep it up, Biz! Can't wait for more!
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 3:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This instalment is very much enjoyed! It is very well written!

Like the others, I'm excited to see what vigilante Wolfe does. Why did the Master suddenly evolve, after all these time? Why kill a minion? These are important questions: definitely follow the ID!
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 02, 2013 9:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now Polling
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 5:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Biz Bit: Ok...as some of you may know. Mysteries can get confusing. So in an effort to help with that, I present this: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1MbAF7k0WfetUmdUq0qqBuG8g_8jlg563HPImP3TqLbI/edit . This is Wolfe's Notebook. With each chapter and bit of evidence uncovered it will be updated. Be sure to follow along each chapter. There is also a section to discuss and try and solve it yourselves.

Blackwell Towers
11:00 AM


After another glance at the ID, I made my way toward the minion's residence. The trip took longer than I had originally anticipated. His address was located in the middle ground between the upscale, snobbish side of Signet City and the gritty southern side that I called home. The building that his identification pointed me to was a decent looking apartment building. It was a slight beige color like most of the homes and businesses that surrounded it. A majority of this middle class paradise was the same color or some slight variation of it. The only exceptions seemed to be restaurants, which tended to favor red and a medium sized used car lot that really liked the color yellow.

“Pretty nice digs for a minion,” I said.

Stepping out of the car, I could feel a slight chill reverberate through my spine despite the humid Signet air. Something about this area was setting off a million red flags in my mind. It felt like someone was watching me. My eyes scanned the area and the only vehicle I found that seemed out of the ordinary was a white panel van that seemed to shout either cop or stalker. My eyes scanned the street once again, trying to ease the nervousness that was wrapping itself around my every nerve. It didn't work. Slowly, I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out my notebook. I slid the pencil from it and jotted down the number on the license plate, just for the sake of appeasing my own paranoia.

85R591M

Putting the notebook away, I strode across the street, never taking my eyes from the cop-or-stalker van. Immediately inside the front door of the building was a small hallway with a small row of mailboxes on the left hand side. The hairs that stood up on the back of my neck seemed to jump to even more attention, prompting me to gaze over my shoulder out the large window that sat in the middle of the front door. I was being watched. My every instinct told me that someone was watching me.

Looking away, I moved forward and glanced at the mailboxes until I found the name and number I was looking for. William Allen. Apartment 13. I reached down and pulled my gun out of the waistband of my pants and held it tight in my grasp as I ascended the stairs. His apartment was on the top floor, the only apartment that existed on that floor. I stopped in front of the door and reached toward the doorknob with my free hand.

Just before my flesh could make contact with the steel, I stopped. Somewhere in the apartment, I could hear a set of footsteps moving about. After the sound of footsteps, I heard what sounded like a drawer being forcefully removed and dropped on the ground.

Without further hesitation, I took a step back and placed my boot in the center of the door, causing it to fly open. Standing not too far in front of me was a figure in a blue hooded sweatshirt who was kneeling over a pile of items that sat in from of him, next to an overturned drawer.

“Oh shit,” the figure shouted as they jumped up and bolted in the opposite direction. I followed suit. As I rounded the corner of the initial entrance hallway of the apartment, I caught a glimpse of them as they hopped out of the window onto a fire escape. I raced forward, pushing myself to hit speeds I hadn't been able to reach since I was in high school. I slid out of the window, onto the fire escape and just as the mysterious person started to head down the first flight of stairs, I leapt forward.

My shoulder connected and sent them over the edge. I managed to catch them by the front of the sweatshirt and held on tight, keeping them from a long five story drop. I put my gun away and used the hand it was held in to get a better grip.

“Don't kill me, please,” the person begged. They were female. She had a smaller frame which made it quite easy to keep her suspended from the ground. Underneath her hood, I could see a couple strands of coppery hair and a pair of bright blue eyes that were peering out from behind.

“No promises,” I said. “Answer my questions and I don't make you a sidewalk painting. First, who are you and what are you doing here?”

“Folks call me Specs,” she said. “My girlfriend vanished a while ago. I did some sleuthing about, amateur style, real hardcore Nancy Drew shit. Managed to track her movements here.”

I arched an eyebrow. “Are you associated in any way with William Allen?”

She shook her head. “No. I was just snooping. I actually thought you were him, the way you barged in.”

I stepped back and pulled her over the edge of the fire escape and let her go. I drew my gun and made sure she paid attention to it.

“I find out you're lying, I will track you down and I the last thing you see will be down the barrel of this gun. Understand?”

She nodded in agreement. Without uttering another syllable, I turned away from her and stepped back into the apartment, putting the gun back as I did so. I walked over to the pile of belongings that had been dumped out before my arrival. There was nothing of any real importance. Random odds and ends. There were a few rubber bands, some index cards, a colony of capless pens, a tube of super glue and a pink eraser about the size of a lighter. Nothing.

Moving away from the junk, I found my way to his bedroom. It appeared to have the normal bedroom amenities. Bed, end table, dresser and a small computer desk complete with stack of books and a laptop. Spec's footsteps sounded behind me and I cast a glance over my shoulder.

“You do any snooping in here?” I asked.

“No,” she replied quietly. “I just stuck to the living room. Hallway table, Dining Room table, fridge.”

“Find anything interesting or unusual?”

“No, not really. So, um, if you're not going to shoot me, do you mind me asking who you are and why you busted in here like the renegade cop in an action flick?”

I strode across the room as she spoke, stopping in front of the computer desk. “Joshua Wolfe, private investigator.” I said as I examined the stack of books. It was a random assortment to say the least. There was one on fixing computers, a book on chemistry, a study of ancient cultures, The Complete Works of H.P. Lovecraft and an algebra textbook. “I'm currently looking into The Master killings. I have reason to believe that Mr. William Allen is involved.”

I turned on the laptop but my search of its contents was halted as a log-in screen appeared.

“For serious, the dude who lives here may be associated with a serial killer? And your plan was to break into his place? Are you mentally fucked or something? Cause that is some special shit right there.”

“Don't worry,” I told her. “Allen's dead. Master finished him off.”

She said nothing behind me as I walked over to his closet. Her footsteps never started up again either. An image floated into my mind of her looking around in terror at the thought of being in a dead man's apartment. A man who worked for and was murdered by a serial killer. At the closet doors, I reached out and pulled them open. As the doors opened, a light kicked on and revealed the contents held within.

I was most certainly in the right spot.

On the back wall of the closet was a stalker's masterpiece. A collection of photos and information on all of the the Master's current victims. He had all of them named and numbered. It was a monster's playbook. Jennifer Rowan, Isabella MacKenzie, Samantha Easton, Athena Morgan, Sarah Cook. All of them, even down to the most recent one, the only missing victim was Mr. Allen himself. Then again, he probably never thought he'd end up on the wall.

“What was your girlfriend's name?” I asked.

“Athena,” Specs responded, her foot falls coming into the room with me. “Athena Morgan. Why?” I stepped back and closed the closet doors. I turned to face her as she slowed her movement to a stand still.

“I'm sorry,” I said. “But I'm afraid she's been murdered. Inside that closet is a kill list. She's on it. And I've seen her body. I'm sorry.”

Specs stood completely frozen, as if she had just gazed into Medusa's eyes and had been turned to stone. For a miniature eternity, she stayed still before shaking her head and pushing her hood back off of her head, allowing a couple copper locks to fall free onto her shoulder.

“No,” she said. “No. It's not her. No nutcase would be able to stop and drop my goddess. You're wrong.”

I stepped toward her. “No. He's got her picture in there. I've seen her.” A tear rolled down her cheek. I moved closer and placed a hand on her shoulder. She wiped the tears that were forming in her eyes away.

“If you want, I can take you to identify her.”

She shook her head and took a step back. “Nah, man. Cop shops, hospitals, morgues, not my bag. I'll have someone do it though. She's got a sister. Gotta let her know anyhow. She can play stiff looky-loo.” She wiped another bunch of tears away and backed up some more. “I need to hit the bricks anyway. Catch ya later, dick.”

As she turned to leave, I moved forward quickly and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Wait,” I pulled a slightly crumpled business card and handed it to her. “If you need or uncover anything, call. Especially if you end up doing any more real, hardcore Nancy Drew shit.”

She shoved the card into her pocket and moved quickly to the fire escape and left. I did another sweep of the room and after uncovering nothing else, made a note of his book list, grabbed his lap top and walked out of the busted open door.

On the ground floor, I exited the building and looked in the direction of the cop-or-stalker van. It was still there, though as I exited the building, the engine kicked on and it sped away.

Shrugging it off, I crossed the street, placed the laptop in my trunk, and hopped into the driver's seat. As I did, my phone went off. It was a text from Z.

Wanna see something messy? It read.

I smiled turned on the engine and sped away.

**********

Ok. So should Wolfe answer and go support Z? Follow one of his other leads? Go have some afternoon delight with his best hooker pal? Have a drink? The choice is yours.
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 6:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like this new character, Biz. "Side-kick in waiting" comes to mind. I can imagine her and Wolfe getting up to all sorts of shenanigans. And, who knows, maybe her help is a missing link to finding The Master. Or will she somehow become the madman's next target? Oh the possibilities *stares off into the distance*

Aaaanywho, for the DP...I think it would be a bit odd for Wolfe not to go to the crime scene. He's very much wrapped up in this case and to not show up at one of the most gruesome killings yet...well, it might point to the fact that he's doing a bit of outside-of-the-law investigating. So, go to the scene and make a show of it, then see if the laptop can be cracked, and maybe take a look at what all those different books have to do with each other on top of it too.

Brilliant chapter, Biz! Can't wait for more! Very Happy
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 7:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great chapter, biz! New character's very interesting. Never a "good" way to find out that a loved one is murdered, but still, that's rough.

For DP, definitely hit Z up. At the same time, get him to run the license plate down, too. Very Happy
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 26, 2013 1:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Biz!

Great chappie, as usual, though it seemed shorter than they normally are, but I could be wrong. So we have a name for the new victim, and a girlfriend of said victim. I'm not sure whether you mean girlfriend in the term of 'friend' or 'lover', as you use both in the states. But she could prove interesting either way. One wonders if she's really who she says she is though. We only have her word for it after all. As it hit the end of the chapter, I wasn't sure if the van was indicated to belonging to Specs, as she left just before Wolfe did, and the van left as he left the building, with no clues as to the driver. Maybe Specs isn't as innocent as one would initially think. Wink

I'm going to say for the dp...that Wolfe go to Z, and find out what this 'messy' stuff consists of, and at the same time, he can ask Z to check out the registration of the van and Specs as well. And also find out a way of hacking into the laptop if need be. There might be some clues on there.

Keep up the good work, Biz! Smile

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Wolfe's next step?
Go to Lucy and see if she can direct him to some "outside help"
25%
 25%  [ 1 ]
Bust into William Allen's apartment to try and learn something
75%
 75%  [ 3 ]
Total Votes : 4
Who Voted: PopeAlessandrosXVIII, sagittaeri, Seraphi, Tikanni Corazon

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