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That Chance - First poll done, chapter 2 coming

 
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 09, 2015 12:38 pm    Post subject: That Chance - First poll done, chapter 2 coming Reply with quote

Rating: Don't know
Warning: There is cussing.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FroggyFrogLord: hey, what'd happen if the world ended tomorrow?
Me: Hey Froggy
Me: I guess everyone would be dead.
FroggyFrogLord: No, not literally
FroggyFrogLord: I mean like in a post-apocalypse
FroggyFrogLord: All the electricty is out...the water won't run...people raid stores for food..
Me: Then about 70% of us will be dead in about a week.
FroggyFrogLord: Wow. You're really grim.
Me: I'm being blunt.
Me: and exagerating. We won't be dead in so little time
Me: but honestly, we're so connected to cars and cellphones and internet and electricity in general that we wouldn't have a huge population for very long.
Me: Most people will probably raid the stores in the first couple weeks...then get out a gun, fortify their homes, and slowly die of starvation because they dont know how to get food other than maybe try to grow small garden plots with seeds they would get from who knows where...
Me: and their only source of food would be stray cats and stuff they could get, but they'd run out of ammo so a hunting dog would be nice, but then they'd eat half the cat..
FroggyFrogLord: Wow, you rant
Me: It's not really ranting? It's just a prediction based on the scenario you gave me
FroggyFrogLord: but not all people would have gardens and dine on cats
Me: Nah...but I imagine that's what a good number of people around here are gunna be like.
Me: you know...the ones that don't know how to hunt.
Me: and the ones that DO know how to hunt usually use guns...and guns run out of ammo.
Me: I keep trying to tell them that guns won't solve every problem they might have but noooo
FroggyFrogLord: Ok
FroggyFrogLord: NOW you're ranting
Me: Well it's WORTH ranting about
FroggyFrogLord: hehe
Me: So, whyd you get me ranting again?
FroggyFrogLord: No reason. Watching you rant is fun.
Me: such a great friend
Me: Anyways, I don't have much time to talk anymore. i got a thing I gotta do tomorrow, and I need to get up at an actually reasonable time for that.
FroggyFrogLord: Oh. Sucks. Well, try to get some sleep.
Me: I will!

~*****~

The tired brunette sighed and shut her laptop, not even bothering to shut it down properly. It wasn't as if it shut down on its own like her other one used to. As thoughts of going to bed ran through her mind, other thoughts sped through to join them. She had a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and a birthday to last-minute shop for. She also hadn't gone job hunting yet this week, and had pretty much isolated herself in her room entirely for the last three days. Just thinking about it, she ran her fingers through her hair and itched her dry scalp.

With some guilt, she admitted to herself for the hundredth time that she was a mostly useless internet addict. Glancing lazily over at a clothes backet with a towel and bathrobe, both half folded and half tossed in, she gave some thought to her need to shower.

There wasn't much to debate about. It was needed, badly. Her dandruff was starting to act up again. Not to mention she had promised a few friends that she'd try to take better care of herself. She went over the reality of her life with herself and smirked a bit. "It is ironic if an internet addict tells people about how badly people are addicted to the internet?"

She had made it up the s tairs and into the bathroom while muddling over the thought before shrugging mentally as she shrugged off her shirt. "Probably not. I mean, a drug addict can be a drug addict and still know that drugs are bad, right?"

She paused and frowned slightly, "You're answering yourself. Stop that. God, I hate it when I talk to myself," she sighed in annoyance as she tossed the shirt, and soon other clothes, into the corner with the rest of the dirty laundry.

Her half hour long shower was pretty much a routine. Wet,shampoo, rince, body wash, scrubby...at the next step, which was dandruff shampoo, her mind wandered and floated about as she worked the foam against her scalp. "Mmmm...but at least I know how to make shelters and forage wild foods."

She paused and looked off at the other side of the shower, the dandruff shampoo needing time to sit and work its magic. She already knew so many plants that grew locally and were easily identified and prepared. There were easily at least two vitamin rich teas she could make at any season of the year. Then there were the frogs and crawfish she could hunt, if she set her camp up near a water source, which she of course would.

The rest of her shower ran on with those kind of thoughts, which really only stopped once the water started to lose it's heat. That meant that her contempation had run her shower from thirty minutes to forty-five minutes. Whoops.

Quickly turning the water off, she grabbed the shower curtain and whipped it open so that it flew half way down the shower rod on it own in a way that would have been drawn to be dramatic and awesome in any anime. Indeed, for a moment she stood still and tall, as if in some proud pose.

Then she broke it by smiling and climbing out. That was enough being silly. Back to her quickened pace, she grabbed the towel and bathrobe and applied them to her person before quickly skidaddling out of the room, not wanting to be there when the roomate asked if she used up all the hot water. Not that it would have been a huge issue, but they would have at least teased her about taking long ass showers. Sure, long hair meant long showers, but not forty-five minute ones.

Making her way down, she ruffled her hair with the towel a bit. She hummed happily, reminded yet again that showers tended to make her feel refreshed, clean, and happy.

She made her way along the path through some of her scattered clutter and flopped down on her bed. Yeah, despite the probable lack of hot showers, and that would honestly be a big bummer, she was pretty sure she could make it if the grid went down. "Except for winter," she said, interecting and adding oto her own thoughts aloud. "I would be screwed if it was the middle of winter."

She took a moment to chuckle at how she was so confident but then easily taken down a peg, by herself no less!

"...But that's also only if I leave into the wilderness right away."

And on she continued, contemplating the question of how to survive. It's not like she had completely surrounded herself with people who didn't at least somewhat plan for bad situations. It wouldn't be too bad of a plan to hunker down,fortify the house, and work with the roomate to keep the house. They might not even get too many radiing attempts, considering they had a dog that liked to bark whenever someone entered the house.

Plus, she had some pets that she could take care of better here. She had a pet parakeet, and a pet cat. The parakeet she could give up. Maybe set him free to take care of himself. Birdseed and newspaper would be too hard to keep up on.

The cat though...

Sure Cocoa was already practically an outdoor cat, though only half the time, but she wasn't sure if he'd always come back if she went off and left the house. She couldn't set him free though. He would be a much needed boost of moral - something fluffy she could hold and pet. But what would be the best option for him?

Feeling stumped, and too wet to go to sleep right away, she turned her attention to another option.

There was always her other friend. though, being honest with herself, calling them an option at that point was really fooling herself. They had said they were good at hunting, and bad at foraging. Of course, Samm thought this would make a good team, but she also had to take into account they had also said that they were completely prepared for an entire year or more ahead of time, and had a plan and everything. Knowing them, that plan didn't include partnering up with someone who wasn't already in the plan. She'd have asked more about the details and tried to work something out, but she also figured that if they had been open to a partnership, they'd have gone into details of possibly making that partnership when she left it kind of open to go that way.

This was a lot of speculation right before bed. She sighed and frowned slightly at the box of things that held the contents of her Survival Bag, if she ever chose to actually put it together. Even if she could somehow cobble together a plan tonight, she wasn't really prepared for the world to come crashing to a stop.

As a wanna-be survivalist, she chastised herself. She should be prepared. She should have her bag packed up and ready to go. She should have a map of the area, and her bike and roller blades in top shape and easily accessible should she need to travel. She should have a machete and compass, and a stock of water purification tablets and charcloth.

She should have a job, is what she should have. That's called urban survival. Besides, having a job would get her the money to buy that stuff and suit up her would-be survival bag.

That in mind, her eyes skimmed over to the small pile of copies she'd made of her newest resume. 'Jenna Leigh Anderson' was printed nicely at the top, along with her phone number and email. She'd printed off those copies two weeks ago, and had felt some pride that she was taking such a big step foreward. It had been a good high, but now it was starting to come down again, getting lower each day she went without taking the next step and getting applications.

She should move on to do that as soon as possible, but also felt that she knew her limits. Tomorrow was already booked with a doctor's appointment,shopping, attending a birthday party, chatting with friends, apologizing for not talking much, watching a movie, and promising to reach out more. After all that, she'd need at least the rest of the night to chill, even though it really sounded like a bunch of excuses as she went over it with herself.

"You're an introvert internet addict natural shut-in," she reminded herself and sighed again, "now shut up and go to sleep."

She ruffled her hair with the towel one more time, laid it over her pillow so it'd soak more water up overnight, clapped the lights off, and curled up under the fuzzy warm blankets to fall into a fuzzy warm sleep.

~*****~

Several hours later, Jenna cracked her eyes open and rolled over, peeking at the time on the clock. There were still a couple hours left before her actual alarm went off. That meant she only got about five hours of solid sleeping time. Hurray.

The first thing she did was sit up and slide her laptop over, squinting as the bright blue screen bombarded her fresh, and not completely awake, eyeballs. She needed to get a new background.

Checking up on several chatting systems, she mentally noted that Froggy was still asleep. Then again, it's probably only been a few hours since they went down in the first place. That was to be expected because of when she had to sleep and get up today. What wasn't to be expected was the fact that all of her chat groups on all of her chat systems were making more and more sounds as they typed more and more.

"Holy shit!"

It grew into such a barrage that she had to turn off all sound, quickly gaining relief. "Alright, let's see what the hell's going on with these guys," she muttered, going through the chats. With some half-asleep finger stumbling, she flew across each of them, asking them what was up. Some of them responded with "Read up", and she pretty much ignored those ones. There was no way she was going to backlog through thousands of messages.

The more helpful ones didn't make much sense when they explained things through words, but she did get a whole bunch of links thrown at her. Gratefully, she clicked on them and checked each source out on a different tab.

Oh. The world ended.

"Well, fuck."

--------------------------

clarification, ifeel like the internet would still be around for a bit...at least long enough to spread the news. Maybethe world hasn't literally ended already, but it's gotten to the point where we're just watching the economy crash...like you would a plane.

In anycase, there are a few things to take into consideration when asking what todo next.

Does she go anywhere? Who does she talk to? How does she prepare?
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Last edited by kkdestiny on Mon Sep 21, 2015 8:03 am; edited 5 times in total
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 09, 2015 1:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm a prepper. =) I don't typically read stories about it. Post apocalypse stories aren't really my thing, but I'm willing to give this one a shot.

I don't really know what you're looking for in a DP for this one, so I'll just give my opinion. It has potential, especially among people who like the post apocalypse thing. It was easy to see where the story was going from a MILE away, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I do like to be surprised with that sort of thing. There were some grammatical and formatting errors, but that's to be expected. It wasn't enough that it disrupted the flow too badly. Overall, well done! I'm interested to see more.
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 09, 2015 1:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yay thanks ^^

So basically, the poopoo platter was roughly tossed at the fan overnight. Our girl is knowingly unprepared and she can either try to contact the friend who already has a solid plan to go somewhere else and stuff...or she can stay in the house/shelter she alreadyhas and hash out a plan with the roomate or prepare to set out alone...or some other combination that i haven't thought of/listed.
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 09, 2015 1:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well in my personal opinion I would think that she'd scoff at it a bit first, until the first few big changes in society happen that mark it as the end of the world or economy or whatever. She'd probably get herself thrown together and start building her survival kit, while using phone service while it was still up to cancel her day's plans.
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 09, 2015 2:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I really enjoyed the read, clicked on this to get to another link, and found myself reading. Though it's been done before, the chatroom intro thing as a hook really grabbed me personally.

It was a little predicable, but as Andolyn said that's not always a bad thing.

As for dp, I'm not sure. Make a rush for the nearest store to be part of the raiding? Grab the box of survival gear and gather it up into a bag as best as possible? Honestly I'd try to message 'froggy' and see what he knew, asking that question RIGHT before it actually happened.


Definitely an enjoyable read! Can't wait to see more, I'm interested in seeing how this avoids the cliche ruts most post-apocalyptic books go.
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 09, 2015 8:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh! Well, I'm not nearly as unprepared as she, but I'm not all the way to my preparedness goals. My first move would be to gauge how unruly the outside world is. If things weren't too hairy, I'd be running to the store, calmly, and stocking up on any long-term, storable food. I'd also be getting myself a bow and some arrows or a gun since she doesn't seem to have one. After that, I'd go home and empty every possible water container I could find. If the power is still on, the water should be too, so I'd fill everything I possibly could: 2-liters, milk jugs, old soda bottles, the bathtub, every cup and glass I've got, all the sinks and buckets...EVERYTHING. From there, I'd grab a map and start forming a strategy. I'd clean the lint out of my dryer and fill toilet paper rolls with it. Great fire starters. Once I had my strategy, I'd watch and wait. When things even HINTED at getting hairy, I'd be out.
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 09, 2015 9:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quite an interesting start to the story.

Like An, Im not too into post-apocalypse stories, but Ill give this one a shot Razz While people have been talking about the story in itself, I felt that Id talk a bit about the writing. I have the really bad habit of making my criticisms sound harsher than its meant to be. Ill try to avoid that, but lemme start of by saying that I did like the story and the way you wrote it. Just pointing out a few places where I personally felt the writing could have been better:

Quote:
She should be prepared. She should have her bag packed up and ready to go. She should have a map of the area, and her bike and roller blades in top shape and easily accessible should she need to travel. She should have a machete and compass, and a stock of water purification tablets and charcloth.


While this points out what she should ideally have, Ive not been a fan of the repetitive "She/He should have..." sentences. It's something I used to do in the past, but I personally try to avoid that now, lest the writing style comes out either as cliched or unimaginative. Im also not sure of the following line:

Quote:
She should have a job, is what she should have.


I realize this is slang, but Im not sure about using this in the narrative, but then again, just a personal thing Razz

Quote:
Then again, it's probably only been a few hours since they went down in the first place. That was to be expected because of when she had to sleep and get up today.


Im not sure about this, but these 2 sentences dont read well to me. Especially the second one.

Eitherway, with regards to the story, youve set up a nice little intro. I think we need details about what exactly is happening, but eitherway, get food, water, meds and run! xD
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 10, 2015 5:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm curious to know how the world ended - I'm assuming our protagonist knows, having read the news articles on the links all her internet friends have provided, but without the reader knowing exactly *how* it ended, I'm not really sure what her next move would be.

I'm assuming it must have ended quietly or is ending slowly, as a lot of people are still alive around the planet - plenty of them are still operating on the internet.

She's just woken up, she might be thinking there's a chance this whole thing is just a dream. I think she'll do something very simple and mundane at this point, like go and look out of the window to see if anything had changed, or go and find the cat.
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 10, 2015 8:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think, given the feel of her character I got, the most logical response would have been to jump of the bed, yell "THIS IS SPARTA" at the top of her voice and getting her survival bag out, but she didn't seem the least bit excited or perturbed at what happened. Her reaction was a little underwhelming to be honest Razz

I agree with CF here. We really don't know what is meant by "The world ended". My assessment would be that it SHOULD be something sudden and unexpected, since she had a pretty normal mundane day before going to bed, but the reaction to the news doesn't seem like it is extremely serious, because people are on the internet and not on the streets.

I think she'd look out the window, turn on the TV to check the local news and what not, but her "being-a-survivor" fantasies would probably lead her to be extra prepared, but I don't really see her doing much, unless we have access to more information.

As far as the writing is concerned, I LOVED how it started. The chat room thing really got me hooked, it was short, direct and I just KNEW that it would be a premonition to what would happen. Intentionally predictable, definitely not a bad thing. The plot line is also interesting to me. I'm not normally into apocalypse stories, but this does not seem like a cliched one, so I'm definitely looking forward to reading more. One thing I'd point out is that most of the chapter took place within the head of the protagonist, so I really have no clue as to what kind of environment she's in, what her house is like and what not. It's interesting, but it's happening in a void in my head Razz

Anyhow, well done! I realize I haven't really made a suggestion, but I just NEED more information xD Actually, that would be my suggestion: It's only been a few minutes since we heard the news, so I suggest freshening up, and learning EVERYTHING we can, decide how much is true because you can't really trust the internet, and then proceed based on what we learn xP
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 10, 2015 11:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Poll.

I find some of them amusing, myself ^^
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 14, 2015 3:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ok good, we got some votes in Smile

Right now we got 1 vote for pestering Froggy, and 2 votes each for putting together the survival bag and turning on the tv.

Most of our active player base has voted, but I think I'm going to give this a couple days while doing other stuff (don't worry, you wont have to wait for long) and who knows? maybe someone will wander in and break the tie...though I already have a plan if no one does. :3
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I now have three SGames! "Mist in a Cave" Chapter 5 is in the works

"The Freedom of Magic" Just got its THIRD chapter up!

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Note to self: The Elven Moon; Coin; SVI; Black Animals; Two Wolves; Angel Cat
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 15, 2015 7:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Voted! Cant wait for this to continue xD
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2015 12:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ok then, that's that :3


- turn on the tv!
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 20, 2015 12:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not to pester too bad, but just a quick bump that I still can't wait to see where the next chapter goes!
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 20, 2015 5:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

XD yes, sorry about that.
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 22, 2015 7:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've reached excessively pestersome status, but I'm sure I'm not alone in saying I'd love an update!
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The world ended. now what?
Scream Sparta! (this feels like a very homestuck-esque option)
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
Pester Froggy even though they only went to bed a few hours ago
14%
 14%  [ 1 ]
Scramble to put together the survival bag
28%
 28%  [ 2 ]
Turn on the Tv and find out more info
42%
 42%  [ 3 ]
Find the cat.
14%
 14%  [ 1 ]
Pull the fricken covers over your head and go the hell back to sleep.
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
Total Votes : 7
Who Voted: Andolyn, Crunchyfrog, Lilith, Novelest_Ninjagirl, Seraphi, Vikas Muralidharan, Vishal Muralidharan

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