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Chinaren
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Chinaren
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 Posted: Mon Apr 17, 2006 11:44 pm Post subject: |
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K, polls up, with a 'wait and see' option, 'cos two choices looked a little lonely.
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| Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2006 9:33 am Post subject: |
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Had to go with Fred and him helping.
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| Posted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 6:14 am Post subject: |
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I am going mad. I had Stoat delete the poll for some reason thinking it was the old one.
Anyway, George to get help was a fairly clear leader, so that shall be the way it goes, once I get some time, which will likely be Sunday or Monday now. No time over the weekend.
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| Posted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 7:38 am Post subject: Meh... |
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It's funny, but has so much sex and censored out swearwords (a word of advice The great firewall of china is for censorship, you'd be the last person i'd think would censor stuff, but i guess for the sake of politeness and cityofif rules you had too).
I know it's hard to write a funny story or whatever without sex sex andm ore sex but please!, after watching scary movie and all these american comedies don't let the repetitiveness keep going. Anyways, decent job. But try to find more kinds of humor.
It looks like it's going to be not too bad a story but fix it up a little and i'll most likely give it a B or B+.
I personally think they shouldn't go to the post office because in my opinion going to the last place the person was seen never really helps because the aliens usually mindwipe the witnesses. (can't have the Men in black win again can they?)
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Ravenwing
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| Posted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 3:13 pm Post subject: |
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Try reading some of China's other stories. He seems to be one of the few writers here who has a story in every storygame forum.
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| Posted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 3:20 pm Post subject: |
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Writing in every storygame forum? Or just writers in general? I know I haven't written a story for every forum. Glassbreaker is my second storygame. I did have a story in Linear, but I lost interest in it, so I had sax delete it, or more of he deleted it because it was clogging the forum.
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Ravenwing
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| Posted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 3:25 pm Post subject: |
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Well compare it to the number of people that actually write storygames, the number is a small percentage. Personally, I would like to attempt that myself since I have so many plot bunnies flooding my head, but I have so little time.
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| Posted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 4:21 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | It's funny, but has so much sex and censored out swearwords (a word of advice The great firewall of china is for censorship, you'd be the last person i'd think would censor stuff, but i guess for the sake of politeness and cityofif rules you had too). |
I "censored" them myself when I wrote it. Whilst I do have warnings at the top of the chapter, this story is (supposed to be  ) more humor than adult, and hence I think the very strong language detracts a little bit from that. If you see what I mean.
Anyway, The Great Wall of China only censors sites, not individual words (currently). It affects things less than you would imagine, though I can't get to a lot of blog sites, some news sites and wikepedia without using a proxy. Mind you, there are enough news sites I can reach (CNN is one), I don't think much of wikapedia, and I despise so called Blogs. So I don't miss much really. 
and... Keep it on topic please people. 
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| Posted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 3:13 pm Post subject: |
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Sorry China. 
We are just impatiently waiting for your next chapter.
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| Posted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 4:43 pm Post subject: |
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| Ravenwing wrote: | Sorry China.
We are just impatiently waiting for your next chapter. |
I forgive you Rav! 
I want to finish this one as well, so I will do it very soon.
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| Posted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 5:55 pm Post subject: |
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You do know that 'Rav' is Ravagaar, right China? I am Rave.
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| Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:05 am Post subject: Chapter 5. Was it good for you? |
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Okay, this is the last chapter of this short, but just in case you happened to have skipped all the other big red warnings, here it is again:
Warning! Danger! I have written, or will be writing in this case, this story with my adult content filter turned off. Way off. If you have religion that forbids stuff, which most seem to, then perhaps it is time for prayers or something. Minors, shouldn’t read this either, though this warning will probably ensure they do. Still, what can you do? Kids these days…
Chapter 5. Was it good for you?
Fred listened to the howls of Fatty through the door, which soon built up into a steady rhythm. The card players shouted various encouraging comments, some of which Fred hadn’t heard before and filed away for future reference.
There was a sound. Fred looked around.
“hhhst!”
“Hello?”
“Up here Frederick!”
Only one person ever called him Frederick besides his father. “George? Where are you?”
“In this air duct, or whatever it is jolly well called. Is Fatty with you? What is happening in that room?”
Fred stood up and examined the grating high in the wall. George’s freckled face stared down at him. “er, they are, um…” inspiration struck. “Interrogating him! Yes, that’s it. Brutal lot this mob.”
“Jeepers! What bounders! We have to do something! Stand back, I am going to try and bash my way through.”
Fred stepped back as George banged away on the grate, which bent and then finally fell off. Fred managed to catch it before it hit the ground. George squirmed out of the hole and landed on him.
“Hello.” She said, her body molding to his.
“Hi there.” Said Fred, who despite laying on a cold hard floor, was the most comfortable he had ever been. Little Fred woke up and seconded the opinion. ‘Say something witty!’ His libido screamed.
“Er, nice of you to drop in.”
George smiled and Fred nearly had an Emission. “Once again you save me Frederick. I really must do something to reward you one of these days. What would you suggest old bean?”
Fred’s obvious answer was cut short as footsteps approached the door.
“Quick! Hide!” he hissed.
George leapt away, much to the chagrin of Little Fred, and dived under a nearby bunk. Fred sat on top of it, his legs crossed tightly.
The door opened and a very unhappy Fatty was thrown in. “We will be back for more when the boss goes” said a gruff voice as it was slammed shut.
Fred leapt over to Fatty, who was moaning and holding his rear end. “Are you alright Fatty?” he said.
Fatty turned purple. “All right! ALL RIGHT??? When I can walk again I am going to take a baseball bat and shove it so far up your…”
“Fatty! What did they do to you? Did you talk?” George interrupted his tirade.
“Scream more like” sniggered Fred, who couldn’t resist it.
“Don’t be nasty. Fatty, can you sit up?”
“I would rather not just now” groaned Fatty from the floor.
“Come on, help me get him to this bed.” George and Fred lifted their unfortunate friend over to the nearest bunk, where he collapsed, face down.
“Did you see anything?” asked George.
“I’ll bloody say I did.” Fatty said mournfully. “I think I will probably have flashbacks for some time to come. After gym in the showers especially.” He shuddered.
“I did hear something about the boss coming” said Fred. He looked up at the gap George had slid through. It would be tight, but he might just about be able to squeeze in. He turned to George. “Look, old Jenkins and the other witches are probably still about. You squeeze back outside, get near them and start screaming. That should get them onboard, lead them here.”
“I can do that. What about you?” she said.
“I will get out and try and find the prisoners” he replied.
“You aren’t going to leave me are you?” said Fatty.
“You just rest here, I will sneak around and open the door from the outside.”
“Well, don’t be long that’s all. I think I have lost feeling in my legs as it is.”
George leaned over, a concerned look on her face. “You must be strong Fatty. Just grit your teeth and take it like a man.”
“I don’t want to take it like a man!!” Yelled Fatty, flailing his arms around wildly. “I don’t want to take it at all! I just want to go home and make out with that new girl from Physics; I reckon she could go all the way with a bit of wine.”
“That’s the spirit!” said George, ignoring him. “Keep your pecker up!”
“It’s not my pecker I am worried about.”
“Come on, let’s go.” Said Fred. “I will see you later” he said to Fatty.
They returned back to the air duct. George, after some struggle, managed to give Fred a leg up, and Fred squirmed into the space feet first with only a little difficulty. He turned around and helped George up.
The two slid through the narrow spaces like a couple of overgrown rats.
“Turn left” said George. “It heads back to the hold.”
Fred turned left and soon they were sliding out onto a couple of large crates.
“Right, you go off and get the witches down here. Just scream and tell them there are bad men, the navy couldn’t keep them off if you say that.”
“Okay Captain” said George, doing a mock salute and grinning.
“I will slide off this way and try and get Fatty out.”
“Fred.”
“Yes?”
George leaned over and planted a sloppy wet kiss on him. “Be careful.” She slipped away whilst he was still reeling.
“Cripes.” He said and then shook his head. Time for that later he thought, rather reluctantly. He slipped off the crate, heading back towards their prison, as best as he could make out anyway.
Sneaking carefully from crate to crate he moved through the shadows, jumping at every little noise. Finally he thought he recognized a doorway the man had taken them too. He moved slowly towards it, every sense on heightened alert. Muffled voices came from beyond it.
“…just take them back” one voice, maybe female, was saying. Fred frowned. It seemed familiar somehow.
Another voice spoke, a deeper one this time, Fred missed the first part as a rat scurried out behind him, nearly making him crap his pants. “...uge, worth a fortune.”
“I don’t care,” the woman said. “You do as I say, if you know what’s good for you. Take me to them now.”
There was general grumblings and sound of movement. A door was heard to open and then, a few moments later, close again. Silence.
Very carefully he turned the handle and swung it open, just a crack, and peered through.
The room beyond was the card room, the cards now scattered about the floor as a result of Fatty’s ‘interrogation’. No one else was there. Two other doors led out, one was the one leading to his previous prison. Smoke hung in the air, a familiar smell it seemed, but he didn’t have time to dwell on it.
Fred gulped, took a deep breath and ran as silently as he could into the room to the door he had been thrust through not too long before.
The key was still in the lock. He turned it and pulled the door open. “Fatty?”
“No! No more! I will tell you everything! Take Fred, he has a cuter bum I swear!”
“Really? Nice of you to notice. It’s me. Get up, they could be back any moment!”
There was a noise and Fatty, moving painfully but swiftly, limped into view.
“Come on!” said Fred, looking around nervously.
Fatty slipped out and grabbed Fred in a hug. “Oh thank-you thank-you, thank-you! I will never forget this!”
“We aren’t out yet” said Fred, trying to detangle himself from his friends grasp. “Crap! Listen! They are coming back!” He looked around. There were several chests stacked up in the corner of the room. “This way!” He dragged Fatty behind them and they crouched down, just as the other door opened again. The sounds of three or four people could be heard entering the room.
“…still say it is a big waste of profit.” Fred peered through a crack and could make out one of their tormentors talking.
“You still have the other one, she is still young enough to bring in a good price.” The woman’s voice spoke clearly. Fred frowned again. He definitely knew that one.
“Her? Blimey, I feel sorry for whoever she ends up with. She managed to get half of my savings off me before I managed to lock her away.”
“Yes, I am inclined to agree. Now, I have to go before I am missed.” There was the sound of walking and the door opened and closed once again.
There was a moment of silence, and then one of the men spoke. “Right, shall we continue with our party then?”
There was general agreement, and Fred could feel Fatty trembling next to him. A slight whimper slipped through his lips.
The door to the prison was opened and the escape soon discovered.
“Blast! Search the place! They can’t have got far!”
Fred ducked further down as sounds of movement grew closer. Just as he thought they were done for another noise distracted the men.
“Here! Here it is Mrs. Jenkins! These are the bad men!”
“Oh thank bejesus! We are saved! It is George!” said Fatty.
The harsh cries of Mrs. Jenkins and her coven flooded the room. “You disgusting beasts! I will have the police on you faster than you can say Upstanding Law Abiding Citizen! What have you been doing to this poor girl? Speak up my man! I know the chief Constable I do! Well, what are you just standing there for? Answer me!”
The men retreated under the verbal barrage, unable to get a word in, despite the constant flow of demands for explanations. Mrs. Jenkins, wielding her Umbrella of Justice advanced, forcing them back against the other exit.
Fred peered out from behind his hiding place. The women had their captors backed against the wall. Already two of them had slipped out of the door. George was standing behind them, looking around.
“Now!” said Fred, and dragging Fatty after him, made a break for it. George saw them at once, and the three of them made haste towards the door. As he went Fred thought he saw a very small pipe on the card table, but he didn’t have time to stop and check.
“Jeepers chaps! I thought you had bought the farm!” George grabbed them both and led the way out through the ship.
“Your timing was perfect,” said Fred.
Fatty muttered something under his breath, but limped on after them, glad to get away without further abuse to his rear end.
They slipped off the ship with no further incident, Mrs. Jenkins and co. having swept the way clean before them.
Once clear of the dock they headed for Georges house, stopping at the gate.
“If any of you ever mention any of his to anyone, I will personally make it my ultimate goal to make your life a living hell” said Fatty.
“Oh Fatty, don’t be like that. You were very brave, standing up to them like that.”
“Well, sitting down won’t be an option for a while.” Fatty looked at his watch. “It’s late. I am going home. See you tomorrow.” He staggered off without a backward glance, the remains of Ann’s clothes flapping about him as he went.
Fred looked at George. “I am sorry we didn’t get Ann back. Maybe tomorrow we can think of something else.”
George held his hand. “Oh Frederick. You are so sweet, thank you for everything. You have been a real, a real…” She moved close, and Fred drew her into his arms.
“Finally!” he thought.
“George! Frederick!” Someone shouted out. Fred gritted his teeth.
“Ann!” shouted George and pulled away from Fred to greet the wobbling form. “What happened to you? We thought you were a goner! Are you alright old girl?”
“Oh, it was nothing. Took me on board a ship I think with some other girls, it was jolly exciting really. Then, just a little while ago, they came and took me back home. I expect they realized I hadn’t got anything of value.”
“Oh Ann! You are valuable to me!” said George, and hugged her.
“Right, well. It’s good to see you again Ann” said Fred, feeling definitely put out.
“Is that sweet Frederick?” Ann came over and gave him a hug.
It was really too much for Fred. He pulled away, admittedly with some reluctance. “Sorry girls. I really have to dash.” He waved and ran home. His dad wasn’t in, probably still at the police station, so he went straight to his room and performed a gratuitous act of wanton self abuse.
“Arrgggg! Oh my god! That’s better! Bloody girls!”
>
Mr Merkin recovered from his loss after some time, and soon, to Fred’s renewed bewilderment re-married with a younger and blonder woman.
A year later they had a postcard. Fred picked it up as he was leaving for school. It was from Darkest Africa and had a picture of his late step-mother, barely recognizable dressed in a variety of native garments and sitting on a throne, next to a tired looking African Warrior. The message simply said: “the weather’s fine!”
Fatty recovered from his ordeal, though he could never use the school showers again without violently shaking. He managed to get lucky with the new girl from Physics the following week, after the predicted bottle of wine.
And Fred, George and Ann? Well, that is a story for another time…
End.
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| Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:50 am Post subject: |
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[color=darkviolet]A very good ending, China. LOL. .
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| Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 5:48 am Post subject: |
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| *giggles* Another 5 chapter blockbuster. Well done China! Good ending
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| Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 6:44 am Post subject: |
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Is it over? Damn.
Funny stuff Chinny. Didn't solve not one little mystery, but sure got into heaps of trouble. 
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| Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 8:41 am Post subject: |
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Read this earlier, but as per usual, the school didn't let me reply... 
But, yes, very good. Sodomy by big black pirates... yum.
And Fred got in good! Woo!
Nice one China!
:biggrin:
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| Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 8:53 am Post subject: |
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Brilliant. Simply brilliant.
The sex has nothing to do with it, I swear.
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| Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:26 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks all. Glad you liked it.
I have a vague idea for a sequel, but that won't come for a little while, until my SGame load has lessened at the very least!
| Code: | | Didn't solve one little mystery |
Ah, but the clues are there if you look as to who is the mysterious boss.
Now, wait a minute, I can't believe I forgot. I think there is a little matter of 75Fables for the Hot & Erotic entrant? And a 100Fables from the treasury for finishing a SGame? Mmm...?
*Coughs and holds out hand, Bellhop style*
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| Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 10:06 pm Post subject: |
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Gah - I was just arriving with a comment for the previous chapter and you've snuck in and finished it. 
I'll read the ending and be back
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| Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 11:28 pm Post subject: |
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| Smee wrote: | Gah - I was just arriving with a comment for the previous chapter and you've snuck in and finished it.
I'll read the ending and be back |
LOL! Sorry Smee! I wanted to finish it, to reduce my load and pave the way for my next new thing, as per the Shameless advertising thread.
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Smee
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| Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 11:43 pm Post subject: |
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Well as that sounds cool I'll let you off 
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Ravenwing
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| Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 4:43 am Post subject: |
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So...are we going to have a sequel?
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 5:16 am Post subject: |
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| Ravenwing wrote: | | So...are we going to have a sequel? |
At some point I am sure Fred, Fatty, George and Ann will venture forth once more!
I suspect old Uncle Qwerty will ask them over for the hols. Or something. *ahem* 
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Ravenwing
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| Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 5:50 am Post subject: |
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Yeah, I figured that.
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Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
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Sorrow_A
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| Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 1:57 pm Post subject: |
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I was afraid to read the last chapter, but let me tell you, the fourth chapter was the worst.
Unless you're any one of the characters in the story, besides Fatty, in which case it was the best.
So...it was the worst best story I've ever read, Chinaren. You can take that as an insult or a compliment, depending on if you're an pessimist or optimist.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 4:44 pm Post subject: |
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| Sorrow_A wrote: | I was afraid to read the last chapter, but let me tell you, the fourth chapter was the worst.
Unless you're any one of the characters in the story, besides Fatty, in which case it was the best.
So...it was the worst best story I've ever read, Chinaren. You can take that as an insult or a compliment, depending on if you're an pessimist or optimist. |
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Stubby
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| Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 11:08 pm Post subject: |
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Well - I finally cought up and read the last chapter of this one. Some of the funniest material in the whole story! Excellent!
Got to feel a little sorry for poor Fatty though *grin*
congrats on the completion, too!
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 11:55 pm Post subject: |
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Cheers on the completion mate! And as to the whole 'Fatty' issue...
Serves you right you cross-dressing fairy! Leave our underware alone!
Loved the tale China, gave me a few ideas...
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Chinaren
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 12:13 am Post subject: |
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Not THOSE kind of ideas*!  Ideas for character interaction in a 'friendly' way...Just wait and see what happens with Rillis and Ree...
*You are a sick little orange monster...YEECH!
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