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The Meaning Of Fear
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 Posted: Fri May 26, 2006 12:47 am Post subject: |
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Dunno why, but i knew lordy would say that.... 
Hmm....intresting. Could it be that D'homme's magic speeded up the process of Kelsey turning into a wight?
I think they should go to the woods. More chance of survival there, if any. Otherwise, run out wildly and take as many of the F****** B****** with you as possible. 
Personally, i wouldn't mind if Kelsey became a wight/died. Her becoming a wight would result in Nate or some other character having to kill her, which would be very exciting to read. If, you are as sad as me, that is.
If she dies, then too bad. then what'll happen is that nate and the others will probably bury her and nate will say something random like "noooooooooooO!" or " I will avenge you!"
~holds breath~  *
* sorry soily if im pissing you off using this.
_________________
Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
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Smee
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| Posted: Fri May 26, 2006 2:41 am Post subject: |
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Hey DF,
Sorry my commenting has slipped recently, although I've been reading everything as usual.
A great chapter 
I think the comments so far have said it. Before there was the one mystic, now there is the two of them. It makes sense that d'Homme would be as laid back as he is when he knows he's facing half the power. Although it seems to be Kelsey that has the particular power to face him, I think the support of somehow being linked to her brother is going to be needed to defeat him. Even if Nate is only a constant healing force, as her defence, whilst she attacks d'Homme.
I can't wait...
Happy Writing
_________________
The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!
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The Meaning Of Fear
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| Posted: Fri May 26, 2006 1:54 pm Post subject: |
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hmmm... the healing trick, huh? 
Me like it.
HIYA! *uses healing spell on lordy*
ooops! i 4got you were a demon, not undead.
_________________
Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
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dragon_fire372
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| Posted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 7:28 pm Post subject: |
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Over the graveyard and through the woods, to gettheheckawayfromhere we go! Lalala...
Um, anyway...into the woods it is!
_________________
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing ~ Edmund Burke
Sans Dieu Rien Without God, Nothing
Visions of Shadow - 2nd part of Uncertain Quests! Chapter Two
Dreamwalker - Relocated to Linear Lane Sixth Chapter
Linear Story Nightrobber Now Complete!
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The Meaning Of Fear
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| Posted: Sat Jun 03, 2006 6:43 pm Post subject: |
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LAlalalalala......Into the woods we go, to run away from some s***ing mutha f****s who want to kill us, lalalal!
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Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
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| Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 2:54 pm Post subject: |
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3:45 – Last Flight
Nate gazed for one more moment downhill, to where their friends and last hope of real refuge sat, lost to them. What would they do when they found that their mystics were missing? The boy sighed. “Come on, Kelsey,” he said, and together they entered the woods.
It was like an eerie other world beneath the trees, the fog hiding the ground, leaves crackling sullenly underfoot. Nate shivered as moss trailed across his scalp. There was almost no sound, except for what they themselves were making. Until, from behind them, the unearthly wail of the wights broke through the mist. Nate urged Kelsey on at a greater pace, and they passed as quickly as they could through the woods in a staggering jog that left Kelsey gasping. They could not let up, though. It was impossible to tell if any of the wights had begun to follow them, and Nate was unwilling to stop and look at Kelsey’s wound until they were much farther away from the graveyard…and d’Homme.
Speaking of the warlock, where was he? When last Nate had seen him, the wraith had been fleeing the flames of the bomb, but there was no guarantee that he wouldn’t return, to finish Kelsey and the rest of them off. I wish I could sense where he was.
Nate couldn’t locate d’Homme, but Kelsey could. He slowed them down to a walk and faced his sister. “Kelsey, where is d’Homme now? Is he following us?”
For a moment she only looked at him, not comprehending. Then his meaning seemed to sink in, and she gasped, “N-no, not yet. But he will. He’ll be able to see me, Nate, like I can see him. He’ll… you have to hide us, Nate! You have to stop him from seeing me, so that we can be safe for a little while!”
“What? I can’t – what are you talking about?”
“You can, Nate, you can keep him from…seeing us…your power – ” Then she broke off, gasping and coughing. Her hands clutched Nate’s neck, in an effort to stay upright and moving.
“Alright, Kelsey, okay. I’ll try. Just keep going.” She nodded and receded into herself again. Nate hated that look in her eyes, as if she was loosing herself, or sleepwalking. “As soon as we get the chance, I’ll help you,” he muttered. Then he turned his attention to her words.
She’d said he had the power to hide them from the wraith’s senses. If that was true, it would buy them precious moments to rest, and figure out what to do next. If he could figure out how…
Nate turned his attention inward, searching for his powers as he had every time he healed someone else. This time though, he didn’t stop when he found that power. He kept delving, searching, until he found something else. Somehow he sensed, much the same way Kelsey had, that this was power he could use for something other that healing. Nate grasped hold of the power, stretched it, and threw it over himself and Kelsey as if it were a blanket. He could feel it settle over them, cloaking them, and hoped desperately that it worked.
“Good, Nate,” Kelsey wheezed. “Good.” She sagged against him, and together they ran through the mist.
The boy didn’t know how long they continued after that. He guessed it was about fifteen minutes, but everything looked the same, and his senses were so skewed from trying to maintain the cloak around them, that it could easily have been twice that. Eventually, thought, Kelsey begged, “Please, stop. I can’t keep…going…stop.”
Nate did not object, and they slid to the ground, leaning against a tree. The only sound in the forest was that of their labored breathing. After a moment of rest, Nate crawled around to his sister’s other side, and looked at her arm. Gently he stretched it out, and Kelsey hardly seemed to notice; she just continued leaning against the rough bark, eyes closed, one hand on her throat. The scratch on Kelsey’s elbow had been bleeding in the cemetery, but was clotted over now, dirty and ugly looking against the paleness of the rest of her skin. Nate wished desperately for some water to clean it with, but there was none around, and they hadn’t brought any of their own. When he tried to rub the skin clean, Kelsey whimpered and drew away weakly, so he stopped. He didn’t want to hurt her more.
Finally the boy just sighed. “I don’t need to see it,” he muttered to himself, and laid his hands over the wound. Probing with his power, he tried to force healing into the wound. It resisted his efforts, as it had before, and though he battled with it for several minutes, Nate could not feel any sort of difference. In the end, frustrated but knowing he couldn’t push past d’Homme’s magic, he simply tried to send some strength to the rest of her. If her head could clear even a little, maybe they could make a plan, and find a way to try again.
If only he could convince himself it wasn’t already too late.
Something of his efforts must have worked, because Kelsey turned her head to face him, and her eyes opened. “Thanks,” she said, but her gaze wasn’t really clear, and though she may sound lucid, she was still weak.
“No problem,” he murmured, feeling hopeless. Turning to gaze behind him, he asked, “Where’s the warlock now?”
“At the cemetery,” she replied after a minute. “I think he’s looking for us, but he can’t find us…just yet.”
Nate sighed and bowed his head. “We better keep going.”
Kelsey struggled to her feet and together they continued their way through the woods. They had not gone very far, though, before Nate heard an odd creaking noise. “Do you hear – ?”
Then they were falling.
They landed in a heap of earth and rotting boards some fifteen feet down, and covered their heads as more rained down on them. After a moment it stopped, and gingerly they sat up and looked around. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, you?”
“Yes.”
Together they stood up. Nate gazed above the, and looked out the hole they’d fallen down through. Mist swirled above it benignly over them, sending a few questing tendrils downwards, lit faintly by the stars above. It was dark down where they stood, and Nate couldn’t immediately see a way out.
After looking around for a minute though, he realized it wasn’t pitch dark. As his eyes adjusted, the faint outlines of objects in the room before them came into view. Faint light was coming from something down here, but he couldn’t tell exactly what.
“Where are we?” Nate wondered aloud. He fished out his lighter and held it up before him. The flame whooshed up, and by its light Nate could finally begin to see where they were. The ceiling above them was made of thick beams of wood, course and unfinished, covered in cobwebs. The walls were similar, and the floor was simply packed dirt. It had obviously been abandoned for years, decades even. There were two rows of tables leading away into the far side of the room, where Nate’s light couldn’t reach. They were covered in strange apparatus, all of it looking rather ancient. Late 1800’s? Nate wondered, and felt a chill.
Though it was difficult to make out what much of the equipment was, because of the spiders and thick layers of dust and grime, some of it was quite obvious. There were beakers and tubes, tongs, a Bunsen burner, and a huge ancient battery. There was chemistry equipment, electrical devices, and medical gear, grouped on the long steel tables – a freakish 19th century laboratory.
Nate ventured a little further into the room, Kelsey following behind. His little flame served to illuminate more than he wished to see – unnatural sludgy moss escaping from a test tube, dark stains of what looked like dried blood, bodies of fat grotesque spiders curled up beside the beakers. A cast-iron pot on one table was filled with some kind of viscous sludge that bubbled and churned sluggishly. The smell in the lab was repulsive.
By now the siblings both suspected that they had stumbled upon the warlock’s lair of old, which had always been rumored to be northwest of town – the direction they’d been running. The thing that really made it obvious, though, was found on the fourth table. A human skeleton was stretched out upon it, the wrists and ankles still trapped in steel restraints. There were stains on the table beneath it, and some parts of the bone were bulged and warped unnaturally. The jaw was fixed open wide, and Nate imagined that the poor person had died screaming.
They continued their nightmare walk. The room seemed never ending as evidence of d’Homme’s perversions appeared in the flickering light. More tables with bodies chained upon them, more bones scattered on the floor. Further on the tables were filled with glass jars, full of organs, eyes, brains. One table had upon it the heartbreaking sight of a fetus, perhaps only weeks from birth, floating in the jelly-like fluid. Worse was the sight of the mother in the larger container next to it, her face twisted in pain, only partially obscured by the hair floating around her, like a halo. Her stomach was cut open, where the child had been removed. Nate took only one look at the pair before turning aside and vomiting. Behind him, he heard Kelsey do the same.
Wiping his mouth, he said, “Let’s get the hell out of here.”
From there on they did not look at anything around them, instead concentrating on going forward and finding a way out. The room they walked was narrow, but impossibly long, and Nate soon began wondering if they’d ever find their way out. It was like being trapped in a nightmare, unable to escape the horrors around them no matter how they refused to look. They were still there, right on the edge of vision. You could try to ignore them, but they were always present, regardless. Inescapable.
Suddenly Kelsey grabbed Nate’s arm. He jumped and whirled on her. “Don’t do that!”
She didn’t reply, but instead pointed ahead. “What is that?” Her voice was shaking, and there was fear beneath the fog in her eyes.
Nate turned to look. There were three faint lights ahead, and there seemed to moving forms in the darkness. The flame trembled in his sweaty hand as Nate took a step forward. “What the – ”
The light fell upon three vaguely human shapes that writhed pathetically in the darkness. They looked similar to d’Homme, but had no eyes, and were more of a smoky gray than the pure black of the wraith’s form. As soon as the light fell upon them they cringed, throwing their hands up before them. There was a faint light hidden in their forms, sulky and small. They looked entirely pitiful, shrinking away from the two humans.
“What are they?” Nate whispered.
“Experiments,” Kelsey replied. “Early experiments of d’Homme.”
Nate looked behind the shadowy creatures, now mewling painfully. There were three small cages set up, four-foot cubes that stank faintly in the boy’s senses. Some kind of archaic writing showed up on the metal, but he couldn’t make it out. The bars were rent apart. “That’s where they were kept,” he said, understanding. “They must have escaped sometime after d’Homme was banished.” He took a step forward.
“Nate, don’t!”
The creatures raised their heads. Their hands fell down, and they began hissing in anger and pain. The light hurt them, and they did not want to hurt anymore. They began moving forward, seeming to stretch and warp as they approached. Nate fell back a step, but they came on.
Behind him, Kelsey gasped. He whirled around to see her doubled over, clutching her arm. Blood was pouring out of it, and she fell to the ground, curled up in pain. “Kelsey!” Intense cold drew his attention to his front. The creatures were only feet away now, and frost radiated from their forms. They reached out to touch him, screaming softly, sounding like wind over hollow reeds.
Until that moment, Nate was sure that Kelsey was right about their powers. She was the one to defeat d’Homme – she was the one who could sense him, she had fought him before. Then it had seemed the best he could do was to heal, and hide them from the warlock. But now, seeing the creatures approaching and Kelsey helpless, knowing that they were within seconds of cold icy death, he found that this was not so. The power welled up, spilled over, and he looked at the creatures without fear. “I release you,” he said, and reached out his hands. Light shone from his eyes, and fell upon the creatures, who instead of trying to escape it seemed to drink it up like sweet wine. The raised their hands above their heads and dissipated into the darkness.
Behind him Kelsey laughed tiredly. He whirled around to see her standing, holding her elbow painfully but with eyes as clear as dawn. “I’ve been a fool, Nate,” she said. “I almost missed seeing the truth.”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“I know what she said now,” Kelsey murmured, staring off into the darkness. “She spoke to me in my dream, but I couldn’t hear the last thing she said.” Turning her smiling gaze onto her brother, Kelsey said, “Nothing worth doing was ever done alone.”
Now they know the secret, the mystic’s last advice. Together they will stand, but will it be enough to defeat the wraith, to succeed where before they failed? Soon, we shall see…
_________________
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing ~ Edmund Burke
Sans Dieu Rien Without God, Nothing
Visions of Shadow - 2nd part of Uncertain Quests! Chapter Two
Dreamwalker - Relocated to Linear Lane Sixth Chapter
Linear Story Nightrobber Now Complete!
Last edited by dragon_fire372 on Tue Jun 06, 2006 11:11 am; edited 1 time in total
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dragon_fire372
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| Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 2:57 pm Post subject: |
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Part one of chapter thirteen is now up!
Congratulations, you all have succeeded in guessing what I'd had in mind for some time. Kelsey and Nate will stand together against d'Homme, and we shall see how that battle plays out soon. Pat yourselves on the back, and hold on for the next part!
_________________
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing ~ Edmund Burke
Sans Dieu Rien Without God, Nothing
Visions of Shadow - 2nd part of Uncertain Quests! Chapter Two
Dreamwalker - Relocated to Linear Lane Sixth Chapter
Linear Story Nightrobber Now Complete!
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 10:53 pm Post subject: |
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Wonderful chapter, Dragonfire. Looking forward to the showdown now
Just one minor niggle. You said the warlock's lair was on the northeast edge of town. In that case, you might want to go back and correct the passage in Buck's original text that said he was holed up in the northwest.
I know it's nerdy to point it out, but I only remember because Buck was also northwest of town, and for a while, I had my suspicions that he was the warlock and he was just playing with Kelsey and Nate
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dragon_fire372
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| Posted: Tue Jun 06, 2006 11:11 am Post subject: |
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You're right! I hate it when I do that. I do know my compass directions, I promise. Sigh.
Ok, I'll go fix it. It's supposed to be northwest, not northeast.
_________________
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing ~ Edmund Burke
Sans Dieu Rien Without God, Nothing
Visions of Shadow - 2nd part of Uncertain Quests! Chapter Two
Dreamwalker - Relocated to Linear Lane Sixth Chapter
Linear Story Nightrobber Now Complete!
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The Meaning Of Fear
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| Posted: Wed Jun 07, 2006 11:49 pm Post subject: |
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Ooooh! YAY!!! A NEW CHAPTER!!! WOO!
*A few moments after reading*
Cooooool! *Claps*
Koooooool. Maybe he can try this new power on Kelsey, and see if he can banish the curse/spell thing.
Or he could just run madly to D'homme and banish him.
_________________
Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
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| Posted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 3:37 pm Post subject: |
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4:45 – Last Flight (cont.)
After d’Homme’s last attack, Kelsey had been gripped with pain. She could almost feel the wound growing, it seemed. Since that time, she had felt lost in a haze, in that horrible place where ordinary thought is just a step out of reach. The pain faded, but the fog remained.
Now, though, it was like waking up again, stepping out of the maze, finally able to feel the pre-dawn chill in the air, hear the wind rustling the branches, experience the pain. Her head was clear, and in that first moment of clarity she had finally realized the mystic’s last words to her, and what they meant.
Nothing worth doing was ever done alone. It all made sense now. Kelsey had almost realized it once, when Nate first demonstrated his power. He had helped her ankle, and she had seen that the mystic’s powers were split between the siblings, though she hadn’t been able to guess why. Now she could. Now she knew, and the knowing gave her hope again.
Nate could heal and hide, she could sense and search for knowledge, and they were strong in their individual abilities. But both had the ability to banish undead creatures, and with their powers combined… though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
“We can do this, Nate,” she said. “We can defeat him, if we do it together!”
“What do you mean…you’re bleeding again!”
Kelsey shook her head as her brother peered at her elbow. “It’s d’Homme’s illness. I think it’s the last stage. It doesn’t matter now.” He looked up at her in concern. “Don’t you see, Nate?” she cried with excitement. “Apart we are strong, but not strong enough to defeat the wraith. But if we combine our powers, I think we can banish him for good! If we can do that, it won’t matter what happens to me. The wights will be gone, everyone will be safe again. We can do this, I know it!” She winced as pain lanced up her arm. “At any rate, we’ve got to try, soon. Before the touch takes me completely.”
“Let me heal it, maybe I can set it back again – ”
“No, don’t,” she said. “Save your power. I think we’ll need all we can get.”
The boy hesitated for a moment, then said, “Alright, then, but we’ve got to find some water, to wash it at least.”
“Okay. Let’s get out of here then.”
Nate held his lighter up before them, and Kelsey held up hers as well. Together they veritably ran along the long aisle between the tables, trying not to sneeze as dust billowed up with each step. Before long their light fell upon a wall. There seemed to be a doorway. “That must be it!”
The doorframe was lined with cobwebs, but Nate burned through them and they stepped inside. They looked up to see crumbling earthen steps carved up through the ground, leading upwards. Roots hung from the ceiling, thin and trembling in the wind of their passing, and there was a hint of freshness to the air that hadn’t been there before. Treading carefully up the steps, they came upon a wooden trapdoor, made of thick bands of splintery wood, reinforced with rusty iron bands. “I hope we’ll be able to push it up,” Kelsey remarked, eyeing it uneasily. Together they put their hands upon it and heaved, and the wood crumbled beneath their fingers, weak after two hundred years of rot. They stepped up into the air.
They found themselves at the edge of a clearing about thirty feet wide. Fog swirled around them, but it was low to the ground and very thin. Above them the sky was lightening, becoming transparent and pale in the east. Dawn was coming.
“Kelsey, look,” said Nate, pointing. The girl turned and saw a stream passing near the edge of the clearing, trickling down a little rock shelf naturally formed by shale, protruding from the hill it was set in. Her brother led her to it and tore off his shirtsleeve to wash the fresh blood away. Carefully he peeled off the bandages and sucked in breath. The gash on her elbow seemed to have expanded, and was now nearly a foot in length and a full inch wide. It was oozing blood steadily, and the black skin stank of rot. Much of her arm was now white and pasty, and Kelsey found that it was difficult to move it, as if it had fallen asleep. “Kelsey,” Nate began apprehensively.
“Don’t,” she said. “It doesn’t matter. We just need to get d’Homme here in a hurry. Drop the cloak.” When he looked at her uncomprehendingly, she elaborated, “Stop shielding us. I’ll call him.”
The boy nodded, and Kelsey immediately felt the hidden feeling of Nate’s power drop away. Suddenly she felt the wraith’s presence in her mind, as well as his explosive anger. We’re here, she called to his mind. Come for us. He responded with a roar that left her ears ringing and her arm throbbing painfully. Suddenly he was approaching.
“Is he coming?” Nate asked. His face was fearful but resolute, pale and determined. Kelsey couldn’t help but feel that he had grown up tonight, grown up fearfully fast.
“Yes,” she murmured. “He’s coming.”
“I hope we’re ready,” he said, and his voice trembled ever so slightly.
His sister nodded. “I think we are.” I hope we are. Soon, they would know for sure.
They felt the warlock’s presence before actually seeing him. The woods were silent before him, and the mist gathered like a herald at his approach. Then, suddenly, he was there, halted at the edge of the clearing. His eyes glowed malevolently.
“So, here you are, little witch.”
It was a very different scene than the one they had met before. Gone was the utter darkness, the wall of mist. There were no defiled graves, no monumental throne to flaunt the wraith’s power. No weapons were held, no friends accompanied them; there were no wights to attack mindlessly, soulless marionettes. It was just d’Homme, and them, facing off in the woods of Kelsey’s dreams, where somehow she’d known it would all end.
They stared across the clearing at each other, the warlock on one side, the siblings on the other. Fog rolled away from d’Homme’s dread form on either side, but between the adversaries it was clear. The dark tendrils of his form briefly condensed into the figure he had worn in life, tall and strong and horribly handsome, with eyes glowing red. They met Kelsey’s own resolute eyes…and attacked.
Thick arms of blackness shot out, all grasping for Kelsey with cold fingers. There was no laughter in the wraith’s gaze now, only bloodthirsty intent, and he seemed unstoppable. But he only made it halfway.
Without thinking, Kelsey and Nate clasped hands. Both stepped forward and held up there free hands. “Stop!” they cried, and their voices wrapped around each other with grave intensity. d’Homme’s movement ended abruptly, and the blackness of his form beat the air with rage.
“No!” he cried. “Do not forget, you are mine!” His form twisted and his power lashed out. Kelsey’s arm spasmed and she gritted her teeth with pain. For an instant, her outstretched hand wavered.
The tendrils shot forward again. The barreled across the clearing, twisting and groping madly, but once again, they never hit home. Swifter that ought to have been possible for a twelve-year-old boy, Nate reached out and grasped the darkness in his hand. Light flashed from his fingers, and d’Homme withdrew with a cry of pain. Color shot in a wide band up his form, from where Nate had touched him, to where the warlock’s reaching arms met the main part of his body. His darkness gathered upon itself, and Nate fancied he could see the form of a doubled up man, kneeling in pain, within.
“Well done,” Kelsey gasped, standing up straight again. She was still in pain, but she gritted her teeth and ignored it. There were larger things at stake.
Once again d’Homme let loose a cry of rage. He appeared as a swirling cyclone, and black lightning shot from his form in anger. “It is not possible!” he screamed. “You cannot have tried to heal me!” Thunder rumbled, darkness flashed, and the wraith howled loudly enough to shake the branches in the trees. “There can only be one mystic!”
“Yeah?” Kelsey growled. “Well, now there are two.” The wind whipped her hair behind her face, and as she faced the spinning warlock’s form she felt only wrath. She glanced once down at Nate. Her expression was mirrored in his eyes. She nodded, and he nodded back. For good or ill, they thought.
Together the siblings called upon their power. Light grew within their clasped hands, building steadily. Suddenly it flashed, racing up their arms, down their legs and out of their eyes, till they shone with the brilliance of a star. Their light beat upon the wraith, and the light of his eyes dimmed. “No!” he cried. “I will not have it!”
The tornado of his form crashed forward, reaching to sweep them up into his depths. His arms reached out to smother them within his darkness, and the red of his eyes glowed like spilled blood. He could not touch them.
Brightness spilled out of the siblings’ forms, throwing shadows on the ground, competing even with d’Homme’s darkness. It reflected the growing light in the eastern sky, and it would not be quenched. The wraith’s entire body of shadow surrounded them, but he could not reach them. Their power reached out to grasp him, and he tried to twist away. Too late.
“Mort d’Homme, warlock, wraith, dealer of death!” they cried, their voices as one, like strong cables twisted together, never to break. “False king, servant of evil, defiler, destroyer, eater of pain! Your end is nigh, your rule is ended. You do not belong to this place any longer! Justice awaits you.”
Their power surrounded him, their light was too bright for his fell eyes. He tried to escape, but the brightness grasped him. He turned to flee, but he was trapped. “NO!” The wind howled, fog swirled all around. Lightning struck down; in the forest, trees were toppling. “NO!”
“Too late,” Kelsey murmured, watching the wraith’s frantic gyrations.
“Eat shit and die, warlock,” Nate growled.
Raising their clasped hands above them, the siblings cried out, “Begone!”
One last time, d’Homme poured his rage forth. The darkness trembled against the light, but it could not hold. Wrath turned to pain, turned to fear in his cry, and was then abruptly cut off. Silence reined absolute, and then the world exploded. The light fell inwards, a band of darkness shot away, and the blast echoed throughout the entire forest. Nothing was left of the warlock. Mort d’Homme was gone.
Then it all faded away.
Groggily, Nate opened his eyes. He found himself staring into a pale blue sky, clear and cold. Slowly he sat up, aching and stiff. In the trees, a bird chirped. With a groan he crawled over to where a dirty, tear streaked, leaf-covered lump lay curled up in the grass. He shook her shoulder.
“Kelsey?”
Blinking slowly, the girl opened her eyes. She saw her brother and smiled. Then her eyes flicked away, and focused on the sky above them.
“Look,” she said sleepily. “The sun has risen.”
_________________
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing ~ Edmund Burke
Sans Dieu Rien Without God, Nothing
Visions of Shadow - 2nd part of Uncertain Quests! Chapter Two
Dreamwalker - Relocated to Linear Lane Sixth Chapter
Linear Story Nightrobber Now Complete!
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dragon_fire372
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| Posted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 3:45 pm Post subject: |
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Thus marks the end of my first storygame. Yay! I hope you all enjoyed it, and thanks for reading! Any suggestions you have for future games I may post, about my style of writing, gramatical or spelling errors, how I handle the plots and characters, or whatever, would be very appreciated. In other words, if there was any way you think I could have improved the story, let me know.
Also, two notes - in the first chapter I've edited it so that Kelsey's dream started about one month ago, rather than several months. And in the last chapter, the quote I used | Quote: | | Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. |
is a bible verse, ecclesiastes 4:12, just so you don't think I made it up on my own. The other quote (the mystic's last advice) was mine.
Anyway, thanks again, and send me your lovely comments. 
_________________
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing ~ Edmund Burke
Sans Dieu Rien Without God, Nothing
Visions of Shadow - 2nd part of Uncertain Quests! Chapter Two
Dreamwalker - Relocated to Linear Lane Sixth Chapter
Linear Story Nightrobber Now Complete!
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 5:24 pm Post subject: |
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Earmarked, one lovely comment. Congradulations on finishing your first storygame Dragon, and well worth it as well.
I'm not worried though, Mort D'Homme will be back - they always come back - so you can get cracking on the sequel now if you like.
_________________
Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom.
Ave Dominus Nox
A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi
Blood Bowl
Scraping the Barrel
A Tale of Four Swords
Passion
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Smee
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| Posted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 9:30 pm Post subject: |
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Well done Dragon. What a ride it's been.
I found the plot excellent - we had our action areas, our research areas, and the exploration/travel parts - all combined into a well told story
About the only thing you didn't do is let us know of any survivors amongst the crowd that set off from the townhall. We lost Buck, but is Gina ok? What about Kelsey's and Nate's parents?
I guess I'm questing for the big bunny chapter where everyone is ok and happy - but your ending has a certain style so lets leave it as is.
I look forward to any new ventures from you.
Happy Writing
_________________
The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!
Last edited by Smee on Sun Jun 11, 2006 10:54 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 9:52 pm Post subject: |
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Well done DF! A finished SG is a good feeling!
Just a few niggles:
| Quote: | | Suddenly she felt the wraith’s presence in her mind, as well as his explosive anger. We’re here, she called to his mind. Come for us. He responded with a roar that left her ears ringing and her arm throbbing painfully. Suddenly he was approaching. |
Suddenly twice in quick succession.
I also think this is a little artificial. Calling him seems too obvious somehow. Perhaps just let him detect them?
| Quote: | | It was a very different scene than the one they had met before. |
This sentence seems a bit arkward to me. Doesn't flow so well.
| Quote: | | but once again, they never hit home |
Don't think you need the comma here, though that is only my opinion of course!
| Quote: | | For an instant, her outstretched hand wavered. |
Again, I don't think the comma is needed.
| Quote: | | Suddenly it flashed, racing up their arms, down their legs and out of their eyes, |
This sounds a bit funny, like the light races down their legs and out of their eyes (at the bottom of their legs). I know what you mean, but it may be worth altering slightly.
Anyway, congratulations once again!! Now you can get started on your next tale...
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 10:41 pm Post subject: |
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Great story DF. I've thoroughly enjoyed it from start to finish 
For me, the best part is the way you've adapted the readers' choices so well into your tale. I don't think I've read one chapter where the plot has been weaker or the action less readable because of something that we've decided. Well done on that
I tend to agree with Smee about the ending. Personally, I would have said it needed a couple of paragraphs of prologue at the end, just to make sure Kelsey didn't die and to have that tiny bit of closure, one way or the other. I'm not so bothered about having a happy ending for all the sub-characters, just some sort of ending. But I do like the sunrise as the final line
Anyway, this will be one for the archives. As chinaren would say, don't forget to claim your 100Fables from the Mayor - and well done again
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 11:14 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Anyway, this will be one for the archives. As chinaren would say, don't forget to claim your 100Fables from the Mayor - and well done again |
Gosh darn it, I can't believe I forgot to say that! I must be losing my touch.
I don't mind the ending actually, it's kinda cool. 
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 4:44 am Post subject: |
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I think adding in something about the other characters would ruin it. Even if Kelsey does die, it doesn't really matter, as they have done what they needed to in defeating him.
_________________
Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom.
Ave Dominus Nox
A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi
Blood Bowl
Scraping the Barrel
A Tale of Four Swords
Passion
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 4:51 am Post subject: |
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For me, it wasn't entirely about defeating the Warlock though. It was about Kelsey and her struggle with a power she didn't understand. It was about her trying to defend the people she loved and trying to survive at the same time.
When you put it into that context, I think her eventual fate does matter. It's all a matter of how you see the story
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The Meaning Of Fear
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| Posted: Thu Jun 15, 2006 12:42 am Post subject: |
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Cool! Although i would like to see some klind of epilogue.
_________________
Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
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