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but mostly because he felt a cold chill of a sudden. |
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but now she didn’t know anything except there men with guns and if one of them caught her, they might shoot her. |
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He took of his own helmet then, and put both it had his rifle down on the table. |
Smee wrote: | ||||||
Woo - great chapter. Loved it.
We got insights into all the characters, and that was nicely managed. Despite all the jumps it still flowed, and seemed natural. You also got distinct personalities for each jump that were great. It's a little late for ideas at the moment, I'll be back with those. Some quick little typos I spotted :
A missing 'all' of a sudden, I think.
There 'were' men?
'Off' his helmet, and rather than 'had his rifle', think it should be 'and his rifle. Happy Writing |
Crunchyfrog wrote: |
Now, back down at the D.O. detention centre, we're seeing the other side of the story. Jerry, the maniac, is holding a piece of the rock with his bare hands. Why is it not affecting him as strongly as it affected Kent? Kent had a suit and helmet on, and ended up spending 8 days in hospital. He didn't spend any longer in contact with the rock - and I'm not even sure he had skin contact.
Something is different there, something I want to know more about. |
Reiso wrote: |
For those who paid attention and knew I'd wanted to have the next chapter up by the tenth--I didn't. Still ironing out some difficulties the characters are giving me. They don't always cooperate, you know. I should have it up in another week or so, I imagine. |
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Did you say west? West as in quarter past magnetic north? |
Crunchyfrog wrote: |
If Kent was in his right mind he'd probably tell Keaton to get off the sub, and order the others to rendezvous with him elsewhere, so that they could figure out a better way of getting money out of this find.
But he's still waa-waa at the moment... |
Reiso wrote: |
he compass points--good catch there. I wish I could say I was smart enou
Excellency (by which I mean Emperor), it really hadn't been my intention to have the effects of Jerry's exposure to the rock bleed over into Sarah's behavior... could you please point out the scene you're talking about? |
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How can a rock have an effect on someone’s mind? Lots of different ways, you know that. He’s telling you the truth, cretin. You know the science. Uranium sound familiar? Mercury ring any bells? Sure, neither of them work quite like that, but then how does a rock make a sound? And we know it does that. And just what is up with you anyway? Maybe he’s got a point. Though talking to your self is definitely getting boring. So what now, cowboy? |
Reiso wrote: |
That passage was Jerry's inside-the-head voice, not Sarah. Or am I not getting it? |
Crunchyfrog wrote: |
Oh yes. Still paying attention. *bats the lever back and forth in anticipation* |
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