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ethereal_fauna
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 Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 11:12 am Post subject: |
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I agree with Smee...and his already typing it up means that I don't have to. 
Although I don't think that the sprite will be convinced by saving himself future efforts. It needs to be a more compelling argument. If I can think of one I'll certaonly post it.
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The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Sun Apr 30, 2006 4:51 am Post subject: |
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New poll goes up tomorrow. If there's anything left to say, say it soon 
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Mon May 01, 2006 4:42 am Post subject: |
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| I've put the poll up. I have my suspicions as to what will get the most votes. THis storygame is getting a certain Pied Piper feel to it. Still, you've got 3 days - have fun and vote away
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Mon May 01, 2006 6:04 am Post subject: |
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Sprite - Glow Worm- Lenny - Raven-haired beauty orgy here we come! :biggrin: 
Voted.
*holds perverted breath* 
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"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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Stubby
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| Posted: Mon May 01, 2006 8:20 am Post subject: |
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Pied piper? I don't know what you mean! *looks innocent*
Voted
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Ingrothechundyer
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| Posted: Mon May 01, 2006 11:22 am Post subject: |
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Were catching up 
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 8:25 am Post subject: |
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Okay, we're going to try inviting the Sprite along.
This could get bizarre...
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 7:03 am Post subject: |
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CHAPTER TWENTY THREE: The Sacrifices Made for Love
Love, truth or courage. What sort of a choice was that?
Lenny sighed and considered the options, such as they were. They could just snatch an item each off the Sprite, he supposed. Go their separate ways. The Librarian, at least, he would be glad to get rid of – and he still didn’t know how Alia felt about him, so maybe they were better off heading along different paths?
He rejected the notion for two reasons. One, although he still didn’t know how Alia saw him, he was beginning to know how he felt about her. Whatever was to happen to them, he wanted it to happen to them, together. And two, if the girl didn’t survive her trip, he was back on Blind Date again the next week and the next, and the week after that, until this whole wretched mess ended in his marriage or his death! There was very little he wouldn’t do, by this point, to avoid having to star in the show again.
So, they were all heading down the same path. Courage? Lenny dismissed the idea. He neither lacked courage, nor felt that it was particularly important to him right now. Besides, the path of courage sounded suspiciously like something that Indiana Jones might be hurtling along, with a giant boulder following him. Best avoided, if possible!
Truth? That one was tempting. If he was going to be interested in Alia, wouldn’t the truth be important? What was she hiding? Why had she survived eight dates on the show and come away with nothing to show for it? Why did she look so sad, much of the time? What was behind the pretty veneer?
And in the end, what did it matter? It all came down to survival. If he was to survive, he needed to find a way to make it work with this girl, no matter what was wrong.
Love, then. It all came down to love. This whole sorry episode had begun when he had complained about not being able to get a date. The contest, the Producer, the crazy aliens – they’d all been about finding love. This whole day was designed to get him entwined with some female or other.
He had to go for the heart pendant. Turning back to the Sprite, he plastered a fake smile on his face.
“I… err… don’t suppose you’d just give me the pendant if I asked?”
The Sprite fixed him with a look.
“Oh, remarkable,” it sneered. “That’s real testing, that is. Give away the pendant to anyone who asks. Would I spend months of effort making up rhyming couplets if I was going to give away my treasures to the first person who came along and held their grubby little paw out? I don’t think so, matey!”
He gritted his teeth and tried again. “Please. It’s very important. After all, I’m sure you’ve been in love yourself. You know how it feels.”
“Oh? And just who are you in love with?” asked the wood-sprite, still puffing on his cigarette.
Lenny hesitated, then took the plunge. Dignity wasn’t as important as getting the remote control. Avoiding all eye-contact and blushing fiercely, he replied:
“Alia.”
He wasn’t looking, but he couldn’t fail to hear the Librarian’s harrumph, the Sprite’s chuckle and Alia’s intake of breath.
“Sorry, mate,” grinned the Sprite. “My records tell me you’ve never told her this before. In declaration of love cases, I need authentication. Otherwise just anyone could come and take the pendant. So – what else have you got?”
“Mr. Sprite?” said Alia, quietly.
She was ignored. Lenny was too busy wanting to punch the smug Sprite hard enough to break his knuckles, as it dangled the pendant enticingly at him. Then he glanced at the Librarian and had an idea.
“What about coming with us?” he asked, brightly. “That way, you’d never have to release the pendant, technically, and you could spend some time with the… uhmm… the smart one?”
He nodded to the glow-wyrm and watched the Sprite’s gaze follow as it pondered.
“Tempting,” it said, at last. “I don’t get off work for two hours though. If you could wait that long…?”
“Err… Mr. Sprite?” Alia cut in, a little more forcefully.
“Not now, Alia!” ground Lenny. He turned back to the Sprite. “I can’t! There’s only a little over an hour before I have to leave the planet. I need the remote control by then. I need that pendant! Look – you’ll never get the pendant back if you don’t come with us? When I leave, whatever prize you give me will be taken along as well. So, you’d only be protecting your treasure, right?”
The Sprite merely shrugged. “Disposable merchandise. I get hundreds of those things every month. My only job is to see that they don’t fall into the wrong hands.”
“Uhh…Mr. Sprite?” came Alia’s voice, cutting across the room.
Both Sprite and Lenny turned to her, irritation plain on their faces.
“Yes? What?” They said, simultaneously.
She stared back expressionlessly. “Mr. Sprite - your fingers are on fire.”
“What? They arrrrg! Help! Someone put it out!”
The cigarette had burned all the way down and was now blazing merrily through the Sprite’s wooden fingertips. He flailed gingerly at it with his other hand, no doubt realising the perils of feeding a fire with yet more wood.
Alia walked towards him. “Can I have the love pendant, Mr. Sprite?”
“Owwwwwhat? Yes, take it, take it,” shrieked the Sprite, in full-fledged panic by now. “Just put the fire out!”
“Quick! Take that off!” Alia turned to Lenny, pointing at his brown tunic.
“Huh? What?”
“Oh, never mind!” She advanced on him and wasted no time in wrestling the jacket off him. A few seconds later, she approached the shrieking Sprite and wrapped the fire up in the bundle of clothing. Fearlessly, she smothered the flames until there was nothing but smoking wood and fabric left.
The wood-sprite looked at his singed fingers regretfully. “It’ll take weeks to get the veneer back on those.”
“Oh, you poor thing,” said the Librarian, slithering up for a look. “Maybe I should stay behind and make sure that you’re alright.”
Lenny leapt in at his chance.
“Yeah, you do that,” he agreed. “Now, can we have the pendant key?”
“No!” snapped the Sprite. “You can’t. She can.”
With a clumsy one-handed gesture, he took the wooden heart from around his neck and handed it over to Alia.
She took it with a sweet smile, then turned to the Librarian.
“Are you sure you want to stay?” she asked.
Lenny attempted not to choke on his own tongue as his eyes bulged.
The glow-wyrm looked from the two humans to the Sprite. Then it nodded.
“I’m sure,” it said, stroking the wood-sprite’s fingers in a show of wiping the soot away.
“Good,” retorted Lenny. Then, seeing Alia’s expression, “I mean… uhh… glad to see you make such a swift decision. Time’s running out, you know.”
He gestured meaningfully at Alia. She took the hint.
“Yes, well – we’ll miss you,” she replied. “Lenny – shall we go?”
The two of them moved toward the heart-embedded door. Alia took the pendant and held it up to the heart-shaped etching. Immediately, bright light shone through the chinks in the wood and the door began to open.
They could see nothing but brilliant white light ahead. Shielding their eyes, they took a tentative step forward, through the doorway.
As they stepped through, the light vanished and they landed on a cobbled corridor. There was no sign of the complaining bat-creatures, and the tunnel was pitted with regular lantern-lit alcoves. It seemed, on the surface, much more pleasant than the catacombs had been. Still Lenny worried.
“Do you think we’re still in the catacombs?” he asked, nervously.
“Does it matter?” asked Alia.
“Well – the remote control is meant to be at the other end of the catacombs,” Lenny answered. “So if we’re not still within them, we won’t get to the remote.”
She surprised him with a hug.
“Don’t worry – we’ll find it,” she said. “I want you to fulfil your oath to the Lady as much as you do.”
“What do you mean?” asked Lenny as they walked down the tunnel.
“Well,” blushed the girl. “It would be nice to… to actually finish a date with someone who lo… I mean, liked me.”
Finally, the conversation seemed to have turned to all those unanswered questions. Lenny wondered whether to pursue it. Then he decided he might never again get the chance.
“So… how come you haven’t found anyone in eight dates?” he asked, cautiously.
“I’m not really sure,” she answered. “There were obviously some I didn’t like. They were never going to work out – but you can’t get good picks from every show.”
“But the others?” he persisted.
“Let me see…” she pondered, frowning sweetly. “Well, there was Sogfrod the Melifluous first. He was rather sweet. Only had one leg, but we shared a lot of the same hobbies. It was very unfortunate.”
“Very unfortunate?” asked Lenny. “What do you…”
He broke off. There was a strange rumbling coming from the corridor ahead. A dark shape seemed to be blotting out the lights ahead. First the lantern three alcoves away flickered and disappeared. Then, a second later, the one two away. As the shape thundered towards the two of them, it solidified into a giant grey-black beast with elephantine skin, stubby legs and a face full of spikes. Glowing violet eyes stared with maddened intensity as it snuffed out the light of the closest lantern. It must have been at least three tons of thoroughbred brute!
With a shriek that was way too womanly, Lenny pushed Alia into one alcove and leapt into the opposite one. Momentum carried him halfway to safety. The other half was achieved by a glancing shoulder-blow from the creature as it stampeded past them and down the corridor.
Breathless and bruised, Lenny forced himself to turn and see what move the beast would make next. To his astonishment, he saw that it was already disappearing into the ghostly shape that it had started from. Within the space of another three lantern-lengths, it had disappeared completely, not even leaving the trace of a sound behind it.
“That’s amazing!” breathed Alia.
“Uuunngg?” wheezed Lenny.
A frown wrinkled her pretty nose. “It’s just that… that’s exactly what happened to Sogfrod. We were out on an adventure safari when he got…”
She faltered and continued with quivering voice. “…when he got hit by a stampede of panicking letherids.”
“Owww.” Lenny picked himself up with difficulty. “Hardly a herd – although one’s enough, I have to say!”
He offered a hand up to Alia, while checking nervously back and forth, for signs of any other organic tanks approaching. The coast appeared to be clear.
They carried on timidly down the corridor. The lanterns had not been extinguished, only blocked by the massive form of the letherid. Lenny found himself thinking about that. The Sprite had said that every passage would be different, depending on who took the key from it.
Alia had the key – therefore it stood to reason that love was on her mind. That didn’t mean anything though. She had already admitted that she didn’t want to go through a tenth session of Blind Date, so it was obvious that love was important to her in that context at least.
However, the moment she had started talking about her first date, some force had tried to eliminate Lenny using the same circumstances. Did this mean that he had to avoid talking about her previous partners, lest the same fate befall him?
Probably. He resolved not to test his luck and try the theory out. Better not to know the truth, at that price.
“Are you all right?” Alia’s voice interrupted his thoughts.
“Me?” He rubbed his bruised arm, wincing a little. “Yes, I’m fine.”
“It’s just… when I saw you being attacked by a letherid, just like my…”
“Are you okay?” countered Lenny, desperately trying to steer the conversation from dates of any kind.
“Yes,” she answered. “You saved me. I don’t think I’ve ever been on a date before where someone… oh dear…”
She trailed off, looking at his face.
“What?” asked Lenny, alarmed. As he spoke, he could feet that there was something different in the movement of his face.
Alia looked nervous and guilty all at once. “It’s just… my second date…”
“I don’t want to hear about your past dates,” snapped Lenny, raising a hand to his face. He jumped back, repulsed, as he saw that the back of his hand was covered with raised, bright green blisters.
Alia continued, gabbling the words, as if to get them over with.
“I know it was shallow,” she prattled, “and, I swear, he was a really nice guy – but I just couldn’t get used to him being covered with pus-filled boils. I mean, some girls go for that sort of thing, but it just didn’t turn me on, you know?”
Lenny whimpered. His hands – his arms – his whole body, by the feel of it – was covered in lumpy, liquid boils!
“Oh great!” he said, petulantly. “I thought this was supposed to be the passage of love. Not a reminder of every guy you’ve dumped in the past!”
“Well, it’s not like I’m causing this!”
“If not you, I’d like to know who!” snapped Lenny. “You’re the one who took the pendant. You’re the expedition leader now. This is your tunnel – your world. Who else should I blame?”
“Oh?” she blazed. “And I suppose you’d rather I’d left you to fail with the Sprite on your own? You weren’t doing a very good job at persuasion, from what I could see!”
“That isn’t the point! The point is, you picked the route and now I’m paying for it! First a giant rhino-thing, then a body full of boils! What’s next? A low-flying pickaxe?”
“No!” shouted Alia, her cheeks red with anger. “My third date fell down…”
There was a clunk beneath Lenny’s feet. He yelped and disappeared the trap door.
“Lenny!” Alia shrieked. Flinging herself flat on the floor, she peered into the blackness. Look as she might, she could see nothing.
She wasted no time, standing up and wrestling with the lantern in the opposite alcove. Just as she unhooked it from its spike, a voice drifted up through the trap door.
“I suppose you think that was funny!”
Almost crying with relief, she hurried back to the trap door. Lenny was glaring up at her, arms and one leg hooked over a wedged metal pole that seemed to be slowly buckling under his weight.
“The good news,” he said, through clenched teeth, “is that the boils are gone. Can you guess what the bad news is yet?”
“Oh Lenny!” quavered Ali, eyes still wet with tears. “I’m so glad you’re still alive. My third date fell right to the bottom of the garbage chute and the steel chompers got him!”
Lenny looked down.
“No. No chompers,” he said, his voice strained. “There do appear to be a horde of angry pygmies waving spears and shouting at me though.”
“My fourth date,” she whispered, apologetically. “Eaten by cannibals.”
“Never mind that!” snapped Lenny. “My grip’s slipping – and the pole will break soon. It’s a long way down. How do I get out of this?”
Alia closed her eyes and forced herself to think quickly.
“Do you have a rope?” she asked. “No. A whip. You’ve got one of those. Throw it up!”
To his credit, Lenny didn’t waste time on arguing. There seemed little point, with the metal tube buckling more by the second. He took the whip out of its holster, clinging with a crooked elbow and a heel to the metal, and he lobbed the whip carefully up the hole.
It sailed up. For a horrible instant, he thought that Alia would fail to catch it, and it was going to come straight down and hit him between the eyes. Fortunately, she didn’t catch like a girl. Whip in hand, she disappeared from the top of the trap door.
The next seconds were the longest of Lenny’s life. The pygmies below started throwing things at him. The pole was turning into a very interesting ‘U’ shape. His sweat was making his grip slide and there was no sign of any reprieve.
Then the girl’s head appeared at the top of the opening.
“I’ve secured the pommel of the whip to the lantern spike,” she said. “Fortunately, it’s one of the showy models. You’ve got about twenty Earth feet of leather. You should be able to catch onto the end and pull yourself up - but hurry! I don’t know whether the spike will hold.”
As the leather strap was lowered down, Lenny spared the grim thought that the spike would probably hold just fine. It was the shoddy Blind Date merchandise that he was more worried about!
The pole creaked alarmingly, wobbling on the brink of complete collapse. It was now or never. Lenny reached up and grabbed the end of the whip, pulling it taut and taking his weight off the pole just seconds before it collapsed down the pit. Then, thanking his lucky stars for years of compulsory gym class, he began to haul himself up the taut leather, hand by hand.
By the time he got to the top, he was bathed in sweat and quite exhausted. He lay on the floor, trying to catch his breath.
“You’re not… hurt, are you?” asked Alia, timidly.
“Just… tell me…” panted Lenny, rolling onto his back. “What… did the… fifth date… die of?”
“Oh, he didn’t die!” she protested. “I just couldn’t bear to be around such a strict…”
A rain of kippers fell, seemingly from nowhere. Lenny looked reproachfully at her as they buried him, knee-deep.
“…vegetarian,” she finished, knowing that, under no circumstances, must she allow a giggle to escape. Her lips twitched, but she kept control. “He was a druid, you see. Thought that plants could feel pain and that causing any life form suffering was unacceptable.”
“So… what?” asked Lenny, bitterly. “I’m going to be beaten up by tree branches next?”
“I… I don’t think so,” she answered. “I think I’ve figured out what’s causing all of this. You just have to get through three more of my ex’s and you’re through it.”
Lenny stepped out from the kippers, wrinkling his nose. He now stank of oily fish, sweat and wyrm blood. He had definitely had better days. Every day but this one came to mind as an example!
“So what’s going on?” he pleaded, as they began to trek down the corridor again.
“Well,” she replied, “I think my problem with love is that only the people I don’t like seem to survive the date. I’ve never had anyone that I… feel anything for… that something terrible didn’t happen to.”
A single tear rolled down her cheek. “I guess the Love Exit interpreted that to mean that I was looking for a survivor. So it’s throwing all the past challenges at you. All the challenges that my other dates failed. If you can live through them, then I guess it will think you’re worthy of my l-love.”
Lenny’s eyebrows raised in amazement. He had never thought of himself as having low self-image. At the moment, though, even he had to admit that he wasn’t a partner that would inspire the word ‘love’ to come from any girl’s lips. Yet Alia had just said it. Did that mean…?
Suddenly, he felt the urgent need to survive this.
“Right,” he said. “Tell me what went wrong with the other dates. Quickly!”
“Let me see…” Alia wrinkled her eyebrows in thought. “The sixth one was… oh, he was really nice actually. It was only when he took me home to meet his…”
There was a noise behind them. They turned. Lenny gawped.
His mother was standing there. Sandra Cludge, with her blonde-grey hair, kind eyes and exquisite knees.
“M-mom?” Lenny’s voice trembled. The sight of a face so familiar in the midst of all this was almost more than he could process. “Is that really you?”
“Lenny,” she answered, in a familiar voice that still somehow made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. “Is this girl bothering you?”
“Err…” he said, watching in alarm as his mother’s grin grew feral, stretching across her face with terrifying alienness.
“Lenny!” shouted Alia, shaking him out of his trance. “His mother was some sort of werewolf. She tried to eat me. Lenny!”
The words drifted through his numb brain, but he felt helpless to move as the image of his mother began to sprout coarse fur and claws. The teeth and ears were elongating to points and Lenny could hear the sickening sounds of bones crunching and grinding as her body started to assume its new shape. The creature that used to be his mother let forth a howl of agony as the transformation continued.
“Lenny! The sling!” Alia took the catapult from his pouch and waved it urgently in front of his face. “You’ve got silver shots. Use them! It’s the only way!”
“Whaa?” Lenny blinked, turning shocked eyes to Alia. “But… th-that’s my mother!”
The transformation was almost complete. Yellow eyes glared balefully at the two of them, as the muzzle curled up into a snarl.
“I’ve seen Xandara Cludge on the re-runs,” snapped Alia. “If that’s her, she’s really let herself go! You’ve got to shoot it. Please, Lenny!”
She curled one of his hands around the shaft of the catapult and wrapped the fingers of his other hand around the silver bearing.
“Shoot it, Lenny,” she urged.
Its muscles bunched to leap. He followed the trail of its gaze and realized that it wasn’t jumping for him. It was going straight for his date.
Everything became clear in an instant. This apparition was no more real than the leather-beast had been. His own mother had always encouraged him to get out and meet more girls. She had always been sweetness itself to his friends and his… well, she would have been sweet to his dates, if he’d had any. He was sure of it!
It was a test. Was he a mother’s boy, or was he prepared to stand up for his girl, against the will of a snarling family. Alia had been right. She couldn’t fight this battle. It was all up to him.
He pulled back the sling and fired the bearing at the beast. Just after it had leapt, as it happened. He watched with horrified eyes as the silver ball flew off down the corridor, missing the werewolf completely. Alia screamed…
…and the beast disappeared, fading to shadow instants before it connected with her. The two of them looked at each other, breathless with their close escape from disaster.
“What happened to the seventh?” asked Lenny, not trusting this moment of peace.
“Ahh… should we carry on down the corridor?” asked Alia, avoiding his gaze.
Lenny crossed his arms. “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what went wrong with the next date.”
She blushed, shuffling her feet uncomfortably.
“He was one of those people who thinks that ‘no’ means ‘yes please’,” she said, reluctantly. “The date wasn’t halfway through when he made his move. I had no choice but to… kickhiminthesensitiveparts,” she finished in a rush.
Lenny’s hands were interlocked over his trouser area before he had consciously registered the meaning of Alia’s words. It didn’t protect him from the giant boot that came swinging up from behind, knocking him flat on the floor with a face full of cobbles.
“…which were in the small of his back,” concluded Alia, biting her lip apologetically. “Grangorians are odd that way. Here, let me help.”
“I can manage,” groused Lenny, picking himself up and inspecting himself for bruises. “Is that the lot now? Can we finish this journey?”
“Well, there was the eighth date,” she ventured.
“I already know about Shill,” he said, limping forward down the corridor. “Unless there’s something I don't know about, the heat of nine suns isn’t going to kill me.”
Nevertheless, as they wandered down the corridor together, it soon got uncomfortably hot. Both Lenny and Alia were sweating, their clothes clinging damply to them. The air was stuffy and oven-warm in their lungs. More than once, Lenny was tempted to either get rid of some of his clothes or some of his equipment. Given how much of it he had used in the last half hour, though, it was probably not wise to get rid of any of it, no matter what the need.
He wondered how much time he had before the Blind Date crew came to get the two of them. Enough time to get to the remote? Even if he did, how on earth was he going to return it to the Lady in time to get out of his blood oath? Perhaps he could ask the crew to do him a favour and drop it off on their way back to the teleporters. Knowing how Blind Date treated its contestants, though, they were more likely to be drugged into compliance than have their needs treated with any sense of respect whatsoever.
Alia interrupted his bleak thoughts with an exclamation.
“Look!” she said, pointing ahead. “Can you see lights?”
He squinted. As they had been travelling, the lanterns’ illuminations had dimmed gradually. Although they had barely noticed it, they were now travelling in a dusky, grey corridor that darkened almost to blackness ahead.
In that darkness, a series of lights twinkled on and off, with a kind of random regularity. Lenny felt the familiar tension of dread settle on him again. Little lights. Little red lights! Red was never a good colour for little lights.
He wondered what the next trial would be. It was obviously another attempt to kill him off in new and inventive ways. With time running out though, there was only one choice to be made.
“Let’s go and see what it is,” he sighed.
They stumbled forward, peering into the gloom and always seeing the blinking lights ahead. Finally, the heat faded back to tunnel coolness and they were able to redouble their pace.
It came as a shock when a neon sign loomed in the next dark alcove. It glowed with ghostly light, reading:
Welcome to the Other Side of the Catacombs!
They were here! Lenny grinned in relief at Alia who leaned over and kissed him, before linking arms and dragging him on.
The next sign, however, was above the final door arch – and it made them stop in disbelief.
The Haunted Manor Gifte Shoppe. Thieves will be shown NO MERCY!
Lenny clutched his head in despair. “We’ve come to the wrong end of the catacombs!” he groaned. “I’m dead!”
“No!” Alia’s voice shook with excitement. “No, you didn’t. Look!”
Lenny looked up. Finally, they could see what the red dots were. Dozens of standby buttons, all blinking on and off at regular rates, at different times. Dozens of viewing screens, attached to the little red dots – with dozens of remote controls atop them! Other storage boxes lay around the dusty basement. This was obviously the Gifte Shoppe store-room.
“Wow!” he breathed, hardly daring to believe his eyes. “This is great. I can just wander straight through and give the remote to the Lady. Then I’ll be free when the crew come to pick us up.”
He walked into the store-room and to the nearest screen. One remote was as good as another, he supposed. He picked up the remote control and began to walk towards the basement steps.
Immediately, there was a high-pitched whistling noise. It lasted for two skull-rattling seconds. When it ended – and by the time that Lenny and Alia had got their eyes uncrossed – they had company.
A ghoul stood at the top of the steps, aiming a slim tube at the two of them. It was, unmistakably, gun-like.
“Put. It. Back.” The ghoul gestured at the remote, its black eyes boring through Lenny. “It’s gifte-shoppe property.”
“But I…”
“Thief!” snarled the ghoul, pointing the gun right at Lenny’s heart. “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t just shoot you on the spot!”
“Err…” began Lenny.
Last edited by Shady Stoat on Sat May 06, 2006 8:39 am; edited 1 time in total
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 8:31 am Post subject: |
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Great chapter Stoat! Something nice to read in my work break, especially considering it wasn't novella sized...
Noticed a few things:
| Quote: | | As she shape thundered towards the two of them |
I think this is supposed to be the.
| Quote: | | “Unless there’s something I know about, the heat of nine suns isn’t going to kill me.” |
I think you meant to have 'Unless there's something I don't know about'.
| Quote: | | “Err…” began Lenny.[/size] |
There's an unfinished size thingy...
:biggrin:
I think that he should either mention the Lady and her need of a remote, hoping that either the goul will be afraid of her (for whatever reason; she's a scary lady in inapropriate clothing: whou wouldn't be afraid? ) or that we can convince him that she would reward the goul for helping, and as the haunted house gift-shoppe is apparently much nearer to the lady's chambers, he could come with them as he gives the lady the remote, and hope she rewards him.
If I can think of anything else, maybe a first person post detailing what Lenny could say to get himself out from under the buisness end of a gun-thing, then I shall return! 
*holds breath*
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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Ingrothechundyer
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| Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 9:34 am Post subject: |
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| I like the idea of inviting the ghoul along to visit the lady and bring the remote to here
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 12:32 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks for the spot-fixes Soily. Dealt with and disappeared
One thing to bear in mind here. This is the original house's gifte-shoppe. It's a fair bet that whoever runs the place knows about the war of the remote control.
If he wanted to win the Lady's favour, there's a good chance that he would have presented her with a remote control already. She's been one floor away, all this time.
Good first suggestions though. Keep 'em coming
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| Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 4:23 pm Post subject: |
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I think with all the movie-style misadventures that have been going on, it would be fun to have him pull off an unlikely, one-off heroic stunt without even thinking about it, and go into shock later about how dangerous it was.
My suggestion is that he answer:
"Err... because your gun is the wrong way around?"
Then when the ghoul involuntarily looks down at the gun, Lenny snatches the gun out of its hand and runs away with Alia, the gun and the remote.
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 5:53 am Post subject: |
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When all else fails, deny everything and make counter-accusations. Explain that you weren’t stealing anything, merely liberating the remote that someone had stolen in the first place. Find a likely looking device, and tell the ghoul that you’ll either take this with you, or you’ll raise an alarm that he was the thief that made the other remote go missing in the first place.
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The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 6:49 am Post subject: |
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Ask how much it is? He has a silver bullet or two left doesn't he? Maybe that can pay for it.
Otherwise. What they /\ said.
Oh, and nice chapter Stoately.
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 7:46 am Post subject: |
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"Well, you see the thing about that is..." Lenny pondered for a moment. Guns were not usually endearing to one's sense of self, and he had to supress the urge to dampen his trousers.
"This... the Lady... I'm getting it for her! You know the Lady right? Everybody knows the Lady! You.... you can come with me if you like, make sure I don't run off with the remote to start some war in Asia..." The ghoul cut him off with a threatening wave of the silver tube.
"I don't care if you use it to castrate Chuck Norris, you aint leavin without payin!"
Lenny gulped and then Alia piped up
"Why Mr Ghoul, that's quite an impressive tube you have there... do you mind if I have a quick...." Alia strides forward, the goul is entranced.
She snatches the gun away and grabs Lenny's arm
"RUN!" Yanking him forward with the ferocity of a schoolgirl tanked up on Mountain Dew and Heat magazines, they sprint away down the dark corridor behind the ghoul, Alia laughing menacingly as they went.
What is it about girls and guns? Lenny though exasperatedly"
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
Last edited by Solomon Birch on Mon May 08, 2006 12:57 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 7:47 am Post subject: |
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| Very entertaining, Soily
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Idea master
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 1:23 pm Post subject: |
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Lenny thought quickly. He still had some of his 'holy' water and silver equipment, maybe that would harm these ghouls enough to let them pass by. How he could get it into their faces would be a problem, though.
"Distract it!" Lenny hissed at Alia.
"What?" She hissed back.
"Just distract it!"
Alia walked up to the ghoul. "Don't you see that he's with Blind Date? I'm very certian that the show will recompense you for any losses, all you have to do is mention it to them. They'll probably reward you with all sorts of wonderful things, beautiful women, exotic foods..."
As Alia was talking to the ghoul, Lenny had managed to reach a vial of holy water. Alia had a way of talking, or maybe it was the way her chest moved when she walked, that made you drift off without paying any attention anymore.
I leave it to you as to if the ghoul accepts the offer or not, and if Lenny throws the vial.
...And soily one? How would they know about Chuck Norris anyways? And let's not mention that person any longer, please.
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 1:34 pm Post subject: |
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Everyone's heard of Chuck Norris. Everyone. He is God, Satan and McDonalds all rolled into one.
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 9:35 pm Post subject: |
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Awesome chapter - most entertaining. The boyfriend tunnel was very funny.
Some good ideas from folks - paying with silver bullet, or distracting with Alia and snatching the gun.
He could try accusing the ghoul of causing the remote war in the first place - stealing all the remotes so that the war continues. Why else and where else would the gifte-shoppe have so many remotes!
But that could just be answered with, "So? What you gonna do about it."
So I go for getting the ghoul closer with offer of silver bullet payment and then the whole Alia gun-stealing and running action.
Happy Writing
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The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 11:52 am Post subject: |
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| Poll's up for 3 days. Have fun folks
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 11:53 am Post subject: |
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Voted! :biggrin:
*holds breath*
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 12:10 pm Post subject: |
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I've been swayed by the Live Broadcast option - I think we should take advantage of the camera to fool the Ghoul.
Happy Writing
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The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!
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| Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 10:37 am Post subject: |
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Right. Thanks to all who voted. We have:
Pretend it's a live broadcast and pretend you have managerial consent as our winning option.
I shall write until my fingers burn! (Or until I forget, whichever comes first) 
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| Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 10:58 am Post subject: |
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CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR: Too Good To Be True?
Lenny looked desperately around. There had to be something somewhere! What could he use to turn the tables on a ghoul with a gun?
Well, there was his sword, of course. And his whip, his dagger, his slingshot, his disintegrator pistol, and about half a dozen other completely deadly weapons. Completely useless as well, since they were safely tucked away in sheaths or on belt loops.
Suddenly, his eye fixed on one of the floating-orb cameras and he got the inkling of an idea.
“There’s a reason,” he said, pointing at the camera. “You wouldn’t want to ruin your free publicity, would you?”
The ghoul’s eyes twitched toward the orb, then back to Lenny again.
“What are you talking about, thief?” it snarled.
“We’re doing a live broadcast,” he said, improvising madly. “It’s… uhh… Most Haunted – Intergalactic Edition.”
The ghoul leaned against the banister, shadows deepening in its face as it frowned.
“Why wasn’t I told anything about this?” it demanded. “And why are you trying to walk off with a remote control?”
“I think you’ll find the Manager has given full permission!” Lenny began to sweat. “And… I was determining if electronic equipment worked properly down here, or if it went haywire with all the ghostly activity.”
“The manager has given permission, hmm?” The ghoul’s voice hissed. “Now, that’s a surprise to me… because I am the Manager. And you, thief, are busted!”
The slim tube began to glow slightly, as if it were powering up. Lenny heard a high-pitched whimper and realised with some embarrassment that it was from his own throat.
“Wait!” said Alia. “Perhaps we can make a trade for it?”
“If you’d wanted to trade for it, you would have gone upstairs and paid like everyone else,” snapped the Manager, holding the gun steady as it glowed an ever-darker shade of blue. “However…” and here the tube began to fade to a duller shade of blue again, “I suppose you could have a point.”
Lenny and Alia swapped a relieved glance. It was short-lived.
“I might as well make some profit out of the deal,” continued the ghoul, stepping down another step toward them. “Empty out your equipment and your pockets. I don’t see why your valuables should fry when I disintegrate you.”
Lenny gulped as he brought his hands towards his pockets. Perhaps if he could grab his blaster at the last minute, he might be able to…
“Don’t even think about it, burglar-boy,” warned the ghoul in a menacing voice. “Nice, slow movements or…”
A beam of non-light shot out from the tube in its scabrous hand. Although it passed to his left by nearly a foot, Lenny could feel the intense cold numbing his arm. As it hit the box behind him, the entire box ceased to be, in less than a second. All that was left was a purple glow, and a moment later, even that was gone.
Lenny licked his lips, nervously. His mind cycled rapidly through the options for survival – and found none. If only the ghoul would move closer, he could kick the gun from its grasp. If only there was a distraction, he could grab Alia and run. But it didn’t… and there wasn’t… and he couldn’t!
The best he could hope for was to keep the gun from going off for a few more minutes. Careful to keep his movements slow and steady, he began to search his pockets for any items of worth. There was nothing, of course. No money, no hidden daggers, no pixie-dust that he could use to wish himself out of here! Only the weapons on his belt, which he unclipped one by one, as slowly as he could manage it.
Beside him, he could see Alia doing the same. The bodice and the trousers were tight and virtually pocketless but, from somewhere, she managed to produce a black purse. It was anyone’s guess where she had been hiding it, although that particular guessing-game filled Lenny’s head with thoughts entirely inappropriate to the current situation!
Suddenly, peering into her purse, Alia let out a shaky laugh. Immediately, the ghoul’s gun swung around to point straight at her.
“What’s so funny, thief?” it spat.
Alia held up a piece of paper, moving slowly so as not to antagonise the ghoul.
“I was kidnapped by the Lady’s minions earlier today,” she said, smiling. “To make up for the inconvenience to me, the Lady gave me a free voucher… for anything I wanted from the Gifte Shoppe.”
“A gift voucher?” snarled the ghoul. “Let me see! Come to the bottom of the stairs.”
Alia walked forward slowly, holding the coupon at arm’s length. The ghoul drifted down the stairs, still looking suspicious. As soon as he came within range, it snatched the paper, gesturing for her to back off, which she did.
It glanced down at the paper. Immediately, its expression cleared.
“Well, why didn’t you say so?” it said, dropping the muzzle of the gun towards the floor. “That will do nicely.”
Alia and Lenny grinned foolishly at each other. What with the frantic pace of the day, it had been easy to forget about the Lady’s gift to Alia. They had simply got lucky. Then again, it was about time some luck came their way, thought Lenny, relieved. The rest of the day had more than made up for one little piece of good fortune!
“Now,” said the ghoul, pleasantly, “Get up those stairs and out of my shop before I change my mind.”
They didn’t need telling twice. The two of them scurried up past the Manager and out of the Gifte Shoppe (bypassing all manner of ghost-mugs, screaming photographs and cheap clothing which read: I went to the Haunted Manor and all I got was impaled on a stake, fed zombie-venom, bitten by a werewolf and this lousy T-shirt!).
It was a surprisingly short walk back to the front hallway from there. They faced the original sign-board, aware that light and time were fading fast.
“The Lady?” asked Alia, bestowing a proud look on Lenny.
He grinned back. “The Lady.”
Together, they climbed the stairs. It seemed that they were expected. The moment that they reached the top, a bulky shadow creature separated itself from the walls and herded the two of them down the corridor. Hoping that they were headed in the right direction, Lenny and Alia strode ahead, looking nervously over their shoulders from time to time.
Finally, the shadow-troll stopped them outside a golden door with dusky-pink edging.
“That has to be it,” said Alia, with a quirk to her lips. She raised her hand and rapped smartly on the door.
The shadow-creature sank back into the walls as a dark man with startlingly green eyes opened the door. He stared down his long nose at them.
“Yes?”
“Err… we’re here to see the Lady?” tried Lenny. Then, when that elicited no reaction, he waved the remote control. “With a gift.”
The man’s expression darkened and Lenny gulped. Then, without another word, he opened the door and stood aside to let them enter.
The Lady was face-down on her satin bed, getting an oil massage from one of her minions.
“Mmm?” she said, in a vaguely enquiring tone.
Lenny opened and closed his mouth, but the words failed to come. Thankfully, Alia took control.
“We have returned, Lady,” she said, in her sweet voice. “Lenny has brought you the second remote control. Can we regard his bargain as fulfilled?”
There were some vague mumblings from the Lady. The dark man translated.
“She says ‘Is it compatible?’”
Stomach turning over, Lenny pointed the remote control at the viewing screen and pressed a button or two. At first, it seemed that nothing was going to happen. Then, with a wondrous spark, the screen came to life. The screen showed a jabbering humanoid, being suspended over a pit of boiling lava. Another gameshow, no doubt.
The Lady turned her head and favoured the pair with a smile. Then, dismissing the masseur, she slowly sat up and fixed a smouldering glance on the dark man.
“It seems you’ve completed your task, Mr. Cludge,” she said, without breaking eye contact with her green-eyed guest. “Looks like you lose another bet, Elias.”
He nodded, glowering. “Indeed.”
The Lady’s moustache turned upward in a sly smile. “You know what that means? I get to choose the game tonight.”
“Shall we go?” murmured Alia, delicately.
Lenny nodded, fervently. The two of them hurried out.
“In that case, I say we play ‘Naughty....’”
Lenny got the door shut just in time to drown out that particular nightmare. Together, he and Alia walked, hand in hand, away from the Lady’s Boudoir and down the stairs again. As they reached the bottom, they were hardly surprised at all to see their original guide waiting for them.
“Time to go,” said the fake werewolf, adjusting his phoney ears to the right angle again.
They looked at each other and shrugged. There seemed little else to stay for, and both were relieved to have lived through a whole date with each other. As the sun began to set, they stepped outside and began to travel down the graveyard path again.
To their surprise, a pair of shuttles were waiting for them at the other side of the cemetery. Lenny looked at Alia in confusion.
“I thought we travelled by light-beam these days?” he asked.
“On the way there,” she giggled. “The Show likes to allow its contestants a little… relaxation time… on the way back.”
There was a question in her words. Lenny found himself grinning.
The werewolf made the question official.
“So,” he leered, “will you be taking separate shuttles – or crowding into the same one?”
“Well, Lenny?” she asked, smiling.
“Uhh… I’m for sharing – if you are,” he said, adding the last few words hastily.
Leaning over, she kissed him full on the lips. Then, as he was still dazed from her response, she took his hand and led him onto the smaller of the two shuttles.
The door closed behind them…
------------
Some Time Later…
Lenny lay, basking in the heat from Alia’s body, under sweat-soaked sheets. He could still barely believe it. To be so lucky – on a show with such a high failure rate! Not to mention a high mortality rate! Alia was exquisitely beautiful. She had a good sense of humour. She was intelligent, articulate, strong, resourceful; and what was even more incredible – she actually liked him – and not in a ‘let’s just be friends’ way!
It seemed that his curse was finally broken. He was infinitely glad that he had broken out of the mould and chosen Alia over the regular contestants. The idea of sharing a day out with Miss Pompom or the Screaming Diva Demon was laughable. Simply laughable!
“What are you smiling at?” Alia’s voice broke him out of his reverie.
Lenny started guiltily. It seemed a little inappropriate to be thinking about other females at a time like this. He hastily made something up.
“I was just wondering what my friends and family were going to make of you,” he said, leaning over and kissing her again.
She giggled, playfully. “Oh yes. The famous Lenny and Xandara Cludge. I might take my autograph book with me for that journey. They’re famous galaxy-wide!”
“So I’ve heard,” he said, wryly. “At least my Blind Date experience won’t come as a huge shock to them. They’ll probably spend their time re-living old re-runs with you. So - what about you? Should I expect a war to break out when you return home to introduce me to your family?”
Alia kissed him lightly, laughing.
“No, silly! They’ll be thrilled. Daddy already approves – you should know that!”
A warning bell began to jangle in his mind. It became a full-blown campanology display at her next words.
“As soon as he heard you were on the show, he said he was going to match you up with me, if he had to kill every one of your contestants to do it!”
“Oh no,” breathed Lenny. “Your father’s – the Producer?”
She nodded eagerly. “He’s going to be so glad we’re still together at the end of the date. He’s always saying I should settle down and start being responsible. Get married, have little ones, all the stuff that Fathers always say.”
“Besides,” she snuggled close to him, “I’ve always wanted a litter of my own.”
Lenny stared blankly at the ceiling. Raising litters? Old Saggyface as a father-in-law? A prospective partner who might grow to look more than a little wrinkly in her old age? It looked like there was going to be trouble ahead.
All the more reason to live for the present. The future disasters could be dealt with when they came. For now, he was happy.
“C’mere,” he grinned, pulling Alia in closer.
They disappeared under the sheets together…
THE END
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Lordy
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| Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 11:24 am Post subject: |
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Crud!
I saw the end before the beginning, now I'm not sure I want to read the rest.
Oh well, I'll get to it later.
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| Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 11:33 am Post subject: |
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Well done Stoaty - another one finished.
And a wonderful happy..ish ending
Woooo
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The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 4:13 pm Post subject: |
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*wipes a tear away* Beautiful ending Stoaty! Simply beautiful.
Congratulations! Another one under the belt!
 :mrgreen:
Now, what have you got planned for us next? Mmm?
Looks forward...
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Key
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| Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 7:35 pm Post subject: |
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Well done, your Stoatliness!
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Mon May 15, 2006 4:05 am Post subject: |
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Wonderful! Perfectly wrapped up, and though I'm sure we will all miss it, as has been said before; 'all good things must come to an end', and I think this is true. Another masterpiece in the bag! :biggrin:
*holds breath - then remembers that its over*
Damn...
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Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
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The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Mon May 15, 2006 4:47 am Post subject: |
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Wonderful Stoat! Round two was as satisfying as round one. I'm sure he'll be delighted with his litters and her wrinkles and the special attention his father-in-law bestows on him. Great storygame that's been a blast to play.
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The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Mon May 15, 2006 10:31 am Post subject: |
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| Not a chance, Lordy! I know when I'm beaten
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Mon May 15, 2006 10:42 am Post subject: |
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Surely you want to appease your fan-base?
Though you did start that very cool Dragon story, so I suppose we can let you off...
But now you have no humour in your life (written by you at any rate). However will you survive?
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Mon May 15, 2006 10:48 am Post subject: |
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| I still have space in my life for a third storygame. One of these weeks, I'll start a new humour one. In the meantime, I'll just have to rely on people like Thracia and Chinaren to put a smirk on my face
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DukeReg
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| Posted: Mon May 15, 2006 7:27 pm Post subject: |
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I add my energetic claps to the thunder of applause from those who got in before me. I like it a lot. Well done Stoat!
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Duke Reg
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