 |
 |
 |
 |
|
| Author |
Message |
dragon_fire372
Citizen
Joined: 24 Oct 2005
Topics: 4
Posts: 258
Location: Montana
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
 Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 8:11 pm Post subject: |
 |
|
Oh, nice new chapter, yay.
One question real quick - is the mess hall slightly lower level than the rest of the level, or was the whole floor flooded? Ugh, floating dead bodies...creepy...what a great story.
Anyway, like Lordy said there doesn't seem to be many options. You could stay there, which would be a waste of time and somewhat cowardly, or you could explore more. I vote for exploring more - but cautiously! Keep to the shadows and silence.
_________________
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing ~ Edmund Burke
Sans Dieu Rien Without God, Nothing
Visions of Shadow - 2nd part of Uncertain Quests! Chapter Two
Dreamwalker - Relocated to Linear Lane Sixth Chapter
Linear Story Nightrobber Now Complete!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Shady Stoat
Elder
Joined: 02 Oct 2005
Topics: 76
Posts: 2950
Location: England
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 11:46 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Wonderfully creepy, Sol!
Now, my idea may seem completely random and insane, so I thought I'd give it a mention 
He has strange dreams, right? What if can defeat... or at least further explore... this creature in a dream state? See if he can help himself to sleep with the aid of our friend laudanum, then try a bit of directed dreaming, maybe?
Now that the twisty idea is out of the way, I'd say make sure your pistol is fully loaded and go down to the original room where you heard the cries 
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2006 2:30 am Post subject: |
|
|
| dragon_fire372 wrote: | | One question real quick - is the mess hall slightly lower level than the rest of the level, or was the whole floor flooded? Ugh, floating dead bodies...creepy...what a great story. |
Well, its none of those. It was just flooded. Cos' that way, it makes less sense, the character starts becoming more creeped out, then the readers start bedoming more creeped out, you can no longer tell if anything is real or not and then boom!
It's just something that is commonly used in many Gothic texts (mainly the older ones, like Frankenstien and Dracula) that helps evoke a sense of unreality, which then adds to the unsecurity of the whole scene, and ultimately the whole book.
Phew! Hope that answered your question! :biggrin:
And very nice idea Ms. Stoat, I was hopeing someone would suggest something like that! 
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Smee
Revered IFian
Joined: 16 Oct 2004
Topics: 166
Posts: 5215
Location: UK
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2006 2:38 am Post subject: |
|
|
Hey Sol,
I agree with all the others, good chapter
I like Stoat's idea of some directed dreaming - so far it seems his dreams have been accurate, if rather emotionally intense. Maybe set himself up to sleep somewhere precarious so that if he gets too distressed whilst dreaming he might fall off and wake himself up?
He also needs to quickly establish if the ship is in danger of sinking from the water - if it is then evacuation is a higher priority than anything else. Does the ship have any sort of life raft/row boat?
Happy Writing
_________________
The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2006 9:33 am Post subject: |
|
|
Well, yeah, this seems very unreal, but at the same time it's the first time he's encountered anyone else (Coleridge) and normally he has woken up by now....
And yeah, he doesn't know how he got down into the hold, although there was that bit that definitely was a dream (the green hazed blackness bit) so we can't tell....
Spooky.... 
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
dragon_fire372
Citizen
Joined: 24 Oct 2005
Topics: 4
Posts: 258
Location: Montana
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2006 8:37 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Changed my mind, i liked Shady Stoats idea
And yes, SB, that answers my question perfectly. Thanks, and keep writing. Great story. 
_________________
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing ~ Edmund Burke
Sans Dieu Rien Without God, Nothing
Visions of Shadow - 2nd part of Uncertain Quests! Chapter Two
Dreamwalker - Relocated to Linear Lane Sixth Chapter
Linear Story Nightrobber Now Complete!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Araex
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 11:04 am Post subject: |
|
|
Good story as per normal, although I did notice a lot of repetition. I mean, I know awash is a great word, but starting two paragraphs in a row with it is not something you can get away with!
But as to the story itself; very vivid descriptions, I really feel part of it.
I think that we should either search the ship (including the original dark room) or abandon it. But as I think the second would ruin the story; the first it is!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2006 2:21 am Post subject: |
|
|
Yeah, thanks Araex, missed that one.
Done and done; I think that sounds better now. I'll get a poll up soon.
Thanks for the comments guys! :biggrin: Keep em' coming!
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 9:26 am Post subject: |
|
|
Ok, I'll get a poll up tomorrow, so last time for people to get ideas posted!
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 12:42 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Smee wrote: | | He also needs to quickly establish if the ship is in danger of sinking from the water - if it is then evacuation is a higher priority than anything else. Does the ship have any sort of life raft/row boat? |
There are a few lifeboats aboard (enough for most of the crew) but as I said to Dragon, the ship doesn't appear to be taking on water, just the small, odd flooding the in the mess hall.
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 12:50 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Ok, poll up, for 5 days, so get voting my devoted readers! :biggrin:
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 1:26 am Post subject: |
|
|
Ok, although the poll hasn't quite finished yet, the 3rd option appears to be winning, so I shall start writing the next chapter.
As I don't think I can check it at school (it blocks certain things, Thesopholis being one of them) I'll get lordy to check it for me when it finishes, just to make sure. :biggrin:
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Shady Stoat
Elder
Joined: 02 Oct 2005
Topics: 76
Posts: 2950
Location: England
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 2:16 am Post subject: |
|
|
| lordofthenight wrote: | | bully - thats salve labour it is |
Salve labour? You mean, he makes you put his moisturiser on for him? Euwww! 
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 5:13 am Post subject: |
|
|
ROFL! What a funny mistake Lordy, keep it up
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Lebrenth
Honored Citizen
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Topics: 43
Posts: 1483
Location: Utah
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 9:18 am Post subject: |
|
|
Just thought I'd mention that I am also impressed with the language and strong use of surrealistic elements.
I think more knowledge can be obtained through the bodies and our trembling Captain Coleridge. Anything we can learn will be valuable, such as how they died, if it can be determined. Even if we're still in a dream, it could be important.
I'm not for the laudanum. I think it is important to be able to escape the dreams. If we go deeper, we're asking for trouble, since there isn't any apparent benevolent force trying to warn us, or valuable recessed memory to search for, that would make dreaming beneficient. Right now, we're trying to survive. And though it's thinkable that we might do well to go on the offense, making a deeper state a good idea, we're clearly out of our element, and a pistol won't do much good.
Nonetheless, we should try to find another weapon as well. A pistol is only good for one shot (or is it not that kind of pistol?). We ought to have something to defend ourselves afterwards. Even a knife would be nice.
But I think I'm late for the voting and such, so I'll just leave these as happy little side notes.
_________________
Welcome To Purgatory - current storygame
Please visit my Library of completed works.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2006 6:15 am Post subject: |
|
|
Great comments as usual Lebby, thanks!
The pistols are more than one shot; can't be bothered to think of a make at the moment, but it's some sort of revolver.
And the forced dreaming won, so I'll probably write it up tonite.
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Lebrenth
Honored Citizen
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Topics: 43
Posts: 1483
Location: Utah
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2006 11:56 am Post subject: |
|
|
How about the "Enfield revolver, circa 1880, the official British Military sidearm"?
(There are a lot of ugly revolvers in this era, but this one looks good to me. Anyway, I just thought it would be interesting to look for a pic of the revolver. I don't mind if you don't care to use it.)
_________________
Welcome To Purgatory - current storygame
Please visit my Library of completed works.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2006 4:50 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Lebrenth wrote: | How about the "Enfield revolver, circa 1880, the official British Military sidearm"?
(There are a lot of ugly revolvers in this era, but this one looks good to me. Anyway, I just thought it would be interesting to look for a pic of the revolver. I don't mind if you don't care to use it.) |
That's pretty cool. It'l be something like that Lebby!
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 10:39 am Post subject: |
|
|
Right, the new chapter is underway, so as long as nothing comes along tomorrow, I should be finished by then. :biggrin:
Sorry about the long wait, but my numbers of stories has gotten a little nuts, so it's taken me longer than I would have hoped to start.
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2006 9:34 am Post subject: |
|
|
And I made my deadline! Woo! :biggrin:
Enjoy folks!
----------------------------
The Voyage - Chapter 7
Contemplating the reality of the situation, I could not decide upon a course of action. For all the oddities of my situation, I could not bring myself to believe that this was a dream. The damp, stinking walls, the salt-crusted boards on the upper deck, the soft whimpers and unintelligible mutterings coming from Coleridge’s slumped form. It was all too real. It couldn’t be a dream. If it wasn’t a dream, then I had to go into one, for the sake of my sanity if nothing else. If I could not come to some conclusion about the happenings on this god-forsaken hulk, I would have most certainly lost my mind.
But sleep would not come. I lay among musty smelling sacking for hours, the gentle rocking of the ship doing nothing to help sleep along. Eventually I gave up.
Then I remembered the laudanum that had been so successful in sending me to sleep. A little of that would surely bring about sleep; no matter my bodies own restlessness. Remembering Bates had administered it to me, I decided to head back upstairs to find some. His quarters were among the other sailors, set slightly apart near the captain’s dining hall; so he could better attend to the duties he had there.
Making sure Coleridge was not too hysterical, I drew my pistol and proceeded up the stairs, wary of what lurked in the darkness on the upper decks. The image of the bloated corpses in the mess hall was, and still is, seared in my memory. Whoever, or I thought shudderingly, whatever had killed all those men could still have been lurking, waiting for me to appear, and I did not relish a confrontation.
Now, let me tell you. They keep this cell well lit for a reason boy. Having to go up that half-a-dozen steps was like walking a thousand; the darkness leered and stared, black unseen claws caressing my arms as I fumbled for the wooden handrail. Ever since darkness has held a special sort of terror from which I can never seem to escape. I hear voices in the night. I have learned to tune out their rasping calls, but I know that they are there and that is enough.
As I neared the top of the creaking mountain, the corridor seemed to stretch for miles. I began to doubt the reality of the situation, things seeming drastically different from when I had been with Coleridge. But when I had stood still, taken a cold lungful of air and brought my lantern to bare the darkness was dispelled and things appeared normal again. Well, as normal as they had been since terror had become master of the ship.
I made my way toward the captains mess hall, as that was the fastest way to Bates’ cabin. Opening the heavy door I peered inside. Again the darkness was thick and threatening, so I entered with the lantern held ahead of me like some divine shield and drew my pistol, though against darkness I wonder what I hoped to achieve with it. A small comfort I suppose.
As I entered the foreboding room the voices echoed around me for the first time. Whispers, just on the edge of hearing. Any quieter and they would have been inaudible. But they are incessant; a whispered chattering that drives to the core of my soul to this day. It made me itch, the sounds like little legs pattering across my clammy brow.
As a stood petrified in the darkness, the candle began to gutter and die. Fear welling up inside me, I drew the lantern closer, cradling it in a vain attempt to prevent the disturbing inevitability. With a last sputter the candle that was protecting me from the voices died in my arms. I let out a whimper of fear, my arm shaking so much that I almost dropped the pistol. Throwing the useless lantern aside I heard the small crash and tinkle as the glass broke against the deck. The chattering immediately ceased, giving me a blessed moment of sanity. I scrabbled toward the door way, but found myself at the opening to the corridor to the kitchens and Bates’ cabin. And, praise God, there was a small lantern hanging from a hook set into the wall, glowing weakly, but giving off the brightest, most hope filled light that my spirits were elevated immediately. No longer hearing the whispers I pocketed the pistol and carefully took up the lantern, making sure that the flame was protected.
Walking further down the corridor, I passed the opening to the kitchens. To my horror the smell that had brought with it so much terror and disgust again assailed my senses, causing me to gag and tears to well up in my stinging eyes. It was even more unbearable than before, the stagnant fumes like a thousand bloated corpses. The kitchen seemed to be its source, so I walked past quickly, hand over my mouth and nose, stumbling because of the water in my eyes.
Pushing open the door to Bates’ cabin, I stumbled inside, gasping for air that would not cause my throat to feel as if I had just swallowed an ant colony. I felt scatterings and pattering all across my skin and in my hair, but as I brushed frantically nothing happened. There was nothing there, just goose-pimples from the bitter cold that permeated the ship. Setting the lantern down on the small writing desk set to the right of the door I began searching for some of Bates’ precious laudanum. I needed it. Its wondrous properties flowing through my veins, bringing the sleep that I so desperately craved.
I searched frantically, growing more desperate by the second, until at long last I found a box with odd carvings etched into its lid. Inside was a thin vial filled with the wondrous green draught. Now all I needed was some alcohol to mix it with and I would be free to return to the warmth and brightness of the hold. Remembering that there would be some in the Captain’s dining hall or the kitchen’s, I steeled myself and prepared to search both.
Taking the small vial and slipping it into the breast pocket of my waist coat, I picked up the lantern and stepped into the wretched corridor once again. The smell once again penetrated the flimsy defence my hand provided, but now that I had the laudanum I was determined to use it and shed some sort of clarity on the dire situation.
Entering the kitchen, I placed the lantern on a counter and began searching the shelves and cabinets for some warming port or whisky, or if I must, some foul potato vodka. But as I blew dust off bottles filled with foul smelling substances that meant nothing, I heard a sickening crunching coming from the far end of the lengthy cooking area. Placing the brown-glass bottle down on the worktop I turned and walked toward the source of the eerie sound, the smell growing steadily worse as I approached. As I neared the end I looked toward the floor on the far side of a cupboard set into the centre of the floor.
On the far side greeted me a sight that plagues my dreams to this day. A hunched figure wearing what appeared to be an extremely dirty and ragged cloak sat chewing on a bloody forearm, its bloated form shuddering grotesquely as it bit into the ragged flesh.
Uttering a moan, the hideous thing looked up, and then I realised that it wore no ragged garment. It was covered in a dirty, welt pocked skin the colour of vomit, which hung loosely from its sides. Its thickset, bald head jutted painfully backwards, its chin resting on its collarbones. While it appeared mostly human, the childlike monstrosity had no neck and white unblinking eyes. Short fleshy arms emerged from its foul torso, ending in twisted three fingered hands. Shambling to its feet, it awful bulk began shambling toward me, the ragged appendage still gripped in its hand.
Almost falling backwards with horror, I forgot completely about the pistol that rested heavily in my pocket and ran back toward the exit, grabbing the lantern and the brown bottle as I went. As I left the sickening room, I made one more morbidly fascinated glance at the creature. Its limp jaw slowly opening, the mad chittering whispers once again crept into my head, gnawing at my mind and threatening death, madness, disease, darkness.
Bolting from the room I ran back to the Captain’s dining hall, and then through into the corridor. As I left the dark hall the chattering left me to my own tormented thoughts. My heart threatening to tear through my chest, I flailed down the stairs, only slowing when I was among the light and warmth in the deepest part of the ship. Ironic now if you think about it. The most remote and, normally, the darkest recess of that cavernous ship become my only safe haven from the horrors that now clearly stalked the darkness above.
But it had not been in vain. I had acquired the laudanum and some sort of alcohol (if the revolting smell was anything to go by). I checked that Coleridge was still asleep and rummaged through the crates and chests that littered the hold. Finding a large wooden mug I decanted a generous helping of the foul alcohol into it and then a tiny drop of the green liquid. Sitting among the sacking, I drank the entire concoction down, gagging a spluttering on the strength of the potently alcoholic beverage.
But I could feel its effect immediately, my vision clouding over as I lay my head among the coarse brown bags. A deep sleep soon overcame my consciousness.
As I opened my eyes, I knew that something was different. An obscure green haze blurred my vision, bathing everything in an eerie iridescent glow. I sat up, rubbing my throbbing forehead, again unsure whether I was sleeping or awake. Maybe I had just slept deeply, and was not feeling the effects of such irresponsible substance consumption. But as I stood up, looking around the hold for a sign of Coleridge, fear once again entered my heart. There was no light, Coleridge was no where to be seen and as I scanned the room from left the right the hulking beams the made up the walls of the ship began undulating a twisting surreally, making one feel sick to ones stomach. Gripping the wall, I tried to hold my vision still. Thankfully the world only distorted when I moved my head rapidly, so I could walk normally with the walls staying mostly still as I did. Things were certainly different, so I proceeded toward the stairs, hoping something had changed for the better….
------------------------------
So what should William do now? Coleridge is missing, his vision is messed up, but things have changed. He just can't tell how yet.
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
Last edited by Solomon Birch on Sun Feb 26, 2006 7:21 am; edited 2 times in total
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Shady Stoat
Elder
Joined: 02 Oct 2005
Topics: 76
Posts: 2950
Location: England
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2006 10:04 am Post subject: |
|
|
Yikes! He's not having a pleasant time of it at all!
Very atmospheric chapter again (although I'm not sure whether in-vein was a pun or a mis-spelling of 'in vain'). And he's finally caught a glimpse of the monster - or at least the thing that was crying in the original cabin, I'd assume.
I have a feeling we need to go back and confront the thing. Sooner or later, if we're going to get through this alive, we have to find our way through the heart of the horror. We can check whether we have our pistol in this wobbly dream-state first, though - and if not, we can arm ourselves with anything that comes to hand. Even a bottle of alcohol and a box of matches will do if all else fails, although I don't like the idea of setting a ship on fire. It could be pretty terminal.
Anyway, back to the beast. That's my first thoughts.
Well done for beating the deadline, Soiled one
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2006 10:56 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Shady Stoat wrote: | Yikes! He's not having a pleasant time of it at all!
Very atmospheric chapter again (although I'm not sure whether in-vein was a pun or a mis-spelling of 'in vain'). |
Er.... yeah... I intended the pun... but it didn't turn out quite how I'd have liked it.... 
Nah, I think I was just typing as the filth poured out of me into the keyboard and it just happened... 
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Araex
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 3:53 am Post subject: |
|
|
Typo first :
| Quote: | | I have learned to tune out their rasping calls, but I know that they are their and that is enough. |
Right. I'm sure there was another one, but it can go boil itself.
Awesome chapter again: I think our first priority is to find Coleridge. In his maddened drunk [I think... ?] state he could do anything: stumble across the monster; see the bodies; fall overboard; none of which would improve our situation in the slightest.
That completed, I think we must eventually confront the demon-child, so let's ready our pistol, and go monster-hunting!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 7:22 am Post subject: |
|
|
Thanks Araex, typo changed! :biggrin:
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Lebrenth
Honored Citizen
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Topics: 43
Posts: 1483
Location: Utah
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 11:41 am Post subject: |
|
|
I've been at a bit of a loss. Under the circumstances, we don't really know what's going on. If we're in a dreamstate, finding Coleridge isn't really possible, or at least not the real one, and I don't think I want to find a twisted version of him here.
Exploring is important now. I don't think we're ready for a confrontation. We should look around... I would especially like to see what it looks like outside. There's even a marginal possibility we could get some fresh air too.
But no matter what, we should be extremely careful! And if we do see something, we should attempt to avoid it before we start shooting. We might accidentally kill Coleridge on top of everything else. Especially if Lordy is right about becoming the monster.
Nice visuals, Solomon. I've started studying Lovecraft thanks to you, by the way.
_________________
Welcome To Purgatory - current storygame
Please visit my Library of completed works.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Mar 03, 2006 12:49 am Post subject: |
|
|
Thanks Lebreneth, great comments as per usual. And I'm glad I've made another Lovecraftian disciple on this site! :biggrin:
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 1:54 am Post subject: |
|
|
Ok people, I've had a few ideas posted, but I could do with a couple more. If not, then I'll get the poll up tomorrow.
*holds breath* ©
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 8:02 am Post subject: |
|
|
Ok, there's a poll up now, 4 days to vote. Get to it! :biggrin:
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
dragon_fire372
Citizen
Joined: 24 Oct 2005
Topics: 4
Posts: 258
Location: Montana
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 4:40 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Yay, goodly chapter. Intriguing, mysterious...very nice.
Whatever it is you've done to yourself, whether you are awake or asleep, doesn't seem to matter. I expect you can be harmed in either instance. So I'm with the "explore cautiously" group. Stay away from anything that moves - even if it looks like coleridge. By the sound of it you've messed yourself up bad, and your eyesite is only going to be a liability. Keep to the shadows and see what's going on.
_________________
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing ~ Edmund Burke
Sans Dieu Rien Without God, Nothing
Visions of Shadow - 2nd part of Uncertain Quests! Chapter Two
Dreamwalker - Relocated to Linear Lane Sixth Chapter
Linear Story Nightrobber Now Complete!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 9:08 am Post subject: |
|
|
Ok, option 1 won, so I shall get working on the next chapter soon! Thanks for voting! :biggrin:
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 2:22 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Ok, I've started the new chapter. Expect it sometime over the weekend, monday at the latest. :biggrin:
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Araex
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 2:20 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Awesomes.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Mar 26, 2006 11:30 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Alrighty, I finished this yesterday, but I couldn't post it, be it's here now! (Sorry it's a little shorter than usual, but it was quite an important D-point and it worked like this...)
Enjoy! :biggrin:
-------------------------
The Voyage
Chapter 8
But I soon learned, much to my horror and disgust, that things only seemed to be getting more chaotic. As I ascended the stairs, the shadows cast by some unseen light source began to dance and jeer, the green light pulsating unnervingly at the edge of my blurred vision. I could hear moans and wails, which could have been the wind but seemed, seemed almost human, and they chilled me to the core of my soul.
As I emerged into the long hallway above, the wailing raised to a crescendo of piteous rage that seemed to hammer the ship from within and without, and I almost fell to my knees as I felt my mind and my body shake forcibly with the ferocity of the sound. I gripped a long handrail which ran from aft to stern along the corridor, breaking only when there was a cabin door, or the large double doors of the mess halls. As I passed the crew’s mess, I shuddered, remember what I had encountered in there. But then I remember that Coleridge had run, and that was the room in which I had discovered him. Perhaps, I pondered, he had returned for some macabre reason. But a sudden lurch sent me sprawling painfully in the opposite direction and all thought of venturing into that mortuary vanished as I landed hard on my backside at the foot of the stairs leading out onto the upper deck.
A huge wave of water threw itself down toward my dazed form, and as I looked, time slowed. The howling dropped to a melancholic chorus, the water edged slowly but menacingly toward me down the darkened stairwell, and as I looked into the hazy, distant firmament I saw lazy flashes of lightning tear their way across the heavens, and in that moment clarity, and all the unwanted realisations that it brought, returned. The ship was caught in a storm, with no hands save myself and perhaps the deranged Coleridge to steer her right. The once majestic Umbra Turba, now little more than a huge wooden crypt, was in its last throes of existence, and I would have to do something to stop it, and myself, from being dragged down into the cold black depths below.
As the freezing water washed over me, I once again struggled to my feet and fought my way up the treacherous steps. When I eventually emerged into the windswept gloom of the turbulent night, I gasped in amazement at the colossal flashes raging across the sky. Never had I seen such a ferocious storm in all my life, and its rage seemed almost human, almost vengeful, and I thought despondently, directed at the ship.
I saw the huge washes of water roar over the sides of the ship, and the loose flailing sails which whipped loudly in the abysmal gale that besieged the ship. I called out for someone to help me, though I knew that there was none that would heed the desperate cry. Coleridge, if he still lived, would have been of no use, and for all I knew the rest of the ships crew lay rotting in that god-forsaken mess hall, or in the belly of that grotesque horror which I had discovered in the kitchens. I ran toward the wheel of the ship which was spinning uncontrollably, and futilely tried to get a hold of it, but all I succeeded in doing was causing the spokes to leave a painful gash up my left arm. I left it alone, knowing that nothing could be done there.
The foul green haze still clogged my vision, and I began to become more and more disorientated, the incessant rocking of the ship and that appalling howling never stopping. My head began to spin, and I vomited onto the deck, the last dregs of food in my stomach disappearing over the side with the next freezing wash that swept over the side. I called again to Coleridge, sobs choking my voice. But there was no answer, save the screaming of what I fervently hoped was the wind.
I crawled to the cabins that had been the beginning of all the troubles during this accursed voyage and lay shuddering in the relative dryness of the dark hall. Now there was no moaning to be heard from that end room, though if there had been I doubt I would have heard it above the equally mournful call of the wind outside.
But then, as I sat huddled in a dark corner of that hall, contemplating my imminent demise, the cabin door nearest to me swung open with an audible crack, and out stepped none other than Captain Trevor Coleridge, lantern in hand and a determined look upon his grim countenance. As the light fell upon my pitiful form, a small smile curled the edges of his mouth, and he walked toward me, extending an inviting hand which I took hold of eagerly.
“William! By God am I glad to have found someone else! This storm is huge, and I doubt the ship will survive. In fact I know that it will go under, with no hands to combat the winds and waves. We need to get away! There are lifeboats, enough for the whole crew, but it appears that the others will not be needed. I fear we are the only survivors of whatever happened down in that hold. Can you walk Will? We must make haste and get the boat in the water if we hope to escape. Come!” His voice was strong and encouraging, but I could not get the gibbering wreck of a man that I had happened upon in that mess-hall. His transformation was as immense as the storm that raged outside, but he seemed to have recovered, and I still had no idea how long I had slept after taking the laudanum. I decided that if I wanted any hope of survival, it would increase if I had Coleridge’s aid. So I took his hand, its strong grip locking around my wrist and heaving me to my unsteady feet.
So he led my out onto the deck, and we began unfurling the tarpaulin that covered one of the sizeable lifeboats. It took much longer than we had hoped, as the waves kept battering us about and the wind threatened to tear the cover from out hands at any moment. But eventually it was uncovered and ready to lower into the water using the rope pulleys at its ends. But then I had a realisation. What if we were adrift for weeks? What would we do for food?
“Coleridge!” I yelled, trying to be heard over the wind. “What about food? If we are adrift for.. “ he cut me off
“Good thinking man! I shall go and retrieve some from the kitchens. There should be enough to last a while” But then I remembered the creature that had been in the kitchens. What if it was still there?
“I saw something in the kitchens Coleridge. It wasn’t human. It was… it was eating a crewman. You may want to take this…” I said grimly, pulling the revolver from my deep coat pocket and passing it to him.
“I hope I have no need for it, but thankyou. I shan’t be long, but I want you to leave if I take too long to return. Do not follow. Get away, and do not look back.” With that, he turned and ran to the opening into the lower hall, rapidly disappearing down the steps. I huddled next to the boat and prepared to wait for Coleridge to return.
But he did not return. I waited five minutes. Then ten. After a quarter of an hour I began to worry. The storm was not subsiding, and every time a wave washed over the deck I felt the ship rock further and further to the side. It would not be long before it capsized completely. Then, after I had been waiting for 20 minutes, I heard the distinct crack of a gunshot echoing up from beneath me, audible even over the screaming wind and driving rain.
My heart froze, as I knew what must be happening. Coleridge had told me to get away, to leave him if he was too long. But what if he was alive? And if I left without food…
Another wave battered into the side of the hull, and I knew that time was growing short.
------------------------------------
So what should William do? Go and find Coleridge and bring him back to the boat? Go to the kitchens to grab some food quickly? Or just crap himself, punch the boat in the water and get away...?
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
Last edited by Solomon Birch on Mon Mar 27, 2006 1:49 am; edited 3 times in total
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Shady Stoat
Elder
Joined: 02 Oct 2005
Topics: 76
Posts: 2950
Location: England
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 12:12 am Post subject: |
|
|
Excellent chapter, Soily
Coleridge has been gone far longer than he should have been. It would be great to try and rescue him, but I think we have to be realistic. We have to survive.
Food is needed if we're going to live through this. Go to the kitchens and try to grab something. Since that was where Coleridge was heading anyway, you might be able to find and help him. If he isn't there, though, you can't waste time searching the whole ship for him. Just grab the food, run to the lifeboat and get out of there.
If he has survived and you can't find him, remember there are lifeboats enough for the whole crew. He still has the chance to save himself, but you have to be alive to find out whether he does or not
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Lebrenth
Honored Citizen
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Topics: 43
Posts: 1483
Location: Utah
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 10:51 am Post subject: |
|
|
Personally, I don't care what's on board, or what the captain said! I wouldn't get in a tiny boat in the middle of a storm! Not saying being eaten alive is any fun either, but I would hold out until the storm subsided, or at least the waves calmed a little. And without food and water too? No chance! We're in the middle of a humungous stretch of open water with very little hope of seeing other ships or land before dying of thirst on the pitiless ocean!
If it is an option, I say stick it out onboard. I don't trust Coleridge (though the main character does), so finding him might not do much good, but the gun might so I'd go looking for the gun. Finding another weapon, even just something hard to throw or use as a club, would be nice too. And we might as well try saving Coleridge.
(Nice environment. I could feel the horror of the narrator as he realizes the ferocity of the storm and the overwhelming situation. You portrayed the storm vividly).
_________________
Welcome To Purgatory - current storygame
Please visit my Library of completed works.
Last edited by Lebrenth on Mon Mar 27, 2006 11:03 am; edited 1 time in total
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
