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Chinaren
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 Posted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 5:03 am Post subject: First Against the Wall. Section 12 - Friends and Enemies. |
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I was so taken with Powers That Be's Dear Dotty it has inspired me to start a new storygame, shamelessly based on the writings of 'Dotty' thus far.
There may be some chance to 'follow' Powers thread and story line, or not. We will see how things turn out.
In the meantime, please read and enjoy!
Last edited by Chinaren on Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:48 pm; edited 25 times in total
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| Posted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 5:07 am Post subject: The First Against the Wall. (Working title) |
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The First Against the Wall.
Section 1. Code 548 dash a.
Gallows pulled out his Corrector and thumbed the setting to ‘pacify’. Across the doorway Grimm did the same and then nodded at Gallows.
The two officers were in one of the many thousands of housing blocks in the city of New Athens. The hallway, like pretty much any hallway in these blocks, was painted a neutral pale yellow designed to be soothing to the eye. It needed decorating badly. Paint peeled back from the walls, door designations were faded and the overhead lighting flickered and buzzed. Trash lined the floor, and Gallows booted foot trod on an empty can of “Soothe’ as he moved forward.
Grimm hit a button on his belt pad and the corridor lights immediately turned a dull red. A recorded voice boomed out of hidden speakers in the floor and inside the apartments.
“Good citizens! Please do not be alarmed! Some of our hard working Correctional officers are performing the Leader’s will in this area. Please moved to the designated Standing Zone in your apartment and await the all-clear. Remember: The Leader loves you.”
The recording paused for a moment and then started again. Gallows waited the prescribed minute before opening the door to apartment 56b-aaa2. Covered by Grimm he strode into the small apartment.
Standing in the yellow circle of the Standing Zone was a middle aged couple and their pretty teenage daughter, about 15. A half eaten meal was on the dining area table. The smell of artificial chicken and rice wafted over to the officers’ nose.
Gallows swung the Corrector around the apartment in standard fashion. The detection light glowed green though, and he relaxed a little. “Clear!” he shouted over his shoulder, and Grimm entered the room holstering his weapon.
Gallows turned his attention to the small family. The parents were clinging to each other and their daughter, worried expressions on their faces. ‘As well they might be’ though Gallows as he went through the standard speech:
“Citizens. Do not be alarmed. We are Leader authorized officers from the Correctional and Educational department. We are here with Leader’s blessing under CE code 548 dash a. You are required to co-operate and obey our directives which are sanctioned by the Leader.”
Grimm strode forward as the father spoke out in a worried tone. “What is the problem officers? We are a loyal family, devoted to the Leader and the State. We are scrupulous in our following of The Book…”
“We have information to the contrary Citizen.” Grimm stated interrupting the man. He approached the girl and drew out his pad, scanning the ID-tag on her arm with it. Information flashed up which confirmed the target. He turned to the father and repeated the process with him and the mother. Satisfied he addressed the father. Gallows held onto his Corrector, if there was going to be trouble it would be coming shortly.
“Austin d66 Rainer. You are hereby charged under CE code 548 dash a subsection 13, ‘Father’s duties’. To wit: Failure to ensure your offspring’s stipulated medications are taken, resulting in her unsanctioned and illegal fornication with a non-approved male, to wit: One Arnold f555 Steadson aged 16, address withheld. You are to accompany me to the CE department where correctional education measures will be taken. The girl’s chaperone has already been executed for failure to do her duty.”
The mother had burst into tears at this statement. The father had gone white and then turned to look at his daughter, who was red in the face and looking at the floor. “You… you…” he struggled for breath. “With Arnold? You know we banned you from seeing him! He lives on the 3rd floor for Leader’s sake! What did you think you were doing?”
Gallows stepped forward and pulled him away. D66 Rainer limply allowed him to guide him out of the Standing Zone and apply the force cuffs. Grimm turned to the mother.
“Mrs Rainer, your marriage to Austin is now nullified under CE code 548 dash a subsection 44. You will be sent a list of approved husband candidates within the week. Please choose wisely this time.”
“Wh.. What will happen to Nancy?” sobbed the mother, still holding onto her daughter.
“Having shown unusual and abnormal sexual tendencies she will be sent to one of the Leader’s sanctioned brothels for testing. Should she meet the requirements she will be assigned a duty, length would be determined after testing, to produce offspring to contribute to the Leader’s One Three Five program.”
“Oh my god!” the mother whispered.
Gallows stepped forward. “That sort of language will not help you Ms Rainer. Where is your other offspring?”
The newly divorced Ms Rainer shook her head. “We… we only have Nancy.”
Grimm made a face. “Typical! I am half minded to run you in for a check-over. A healthy woman with only one child? Yet I bet you are first in line for Leader sanctioned food stamps!”
He turned back to Gallows. “Do you want to take the father in? There is another call near here which should only need one of us.”
Gallows looked at the still sobbing mother and daughter, then back to the father. “Let me see…” he said.
>>>>
Bit of a lame decision point perhaps but hey, just an initial taster chapter. Suggestions comments and all that please!
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Ingrothechundyer
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| Posted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 5:19 am Post subject: |
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| Interesting start. I think they should stick together.
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 10:34 am Post subject: |
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yet another story chinaren?
i think they should follow the Book - or if no advice is given about procedures such as this they should stick together, as it would appear they are assigned together
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| Posted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 10:47 am Post subject: |
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Nice start.
They should be together, just in case.
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| Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 12:10 am Post subject: |
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Wow, that was excellently written. I love eerie sci-fi with horrible leaders.....*reads Philip K. Dick*
Anyway, I think that one of them should go and investigate. You never know what could be waiting.
I want more already!
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Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
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| Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 1:06 am Post subject: |
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Excellent new story Chinaren. It's still clearly your writing, but with a completely different mood to your other stories. Nice to read. 
I've voted for them to stick together - Go with Grimm back to the station with the prisoner.
Happy Writing. 
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| Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 4:56 am Post subject: |
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Voted to do other call on his own....
And created a tie...he he, sorry 
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Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
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| Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 4:59 am Post subject: |
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| Voted to stick together.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 5:32 am Post subject: |
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| Smee wrote: | | Excellent new story Chinaren. It's still clearly your writing, but with a completely different mood to your other stories. |
Aye, I thought I would do something a little diff, just for a change. I'll leave the poll up a while longer to give others the chance to vote, and to figure out what is going to happen next...
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| Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 5:36 am Post subject: |
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Good stuff, Chin. I voted earlier, thought I'd replied, but obviously I didn't.
Your sig's going to start reading like the Yellow Pages soon!
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| Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 5:45 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Your sig's going to start reading like the Yellow Pages soon |
Thanks SS. I can't fit any more in there actually, I keep getting 'Your sig is too long' messages. I didn't want to start another story really, but this one was just pulling at me...
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| Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 6:03 am Post subject: |
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I wish it didn't count BBCode in the lenght 
If you add more stories I think your going to be stuck just putting names and not links.
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| Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 12:39 pm Post subject: |
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| I voted...
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| Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 4:39 am Post subject: Section 2. Field procedure. |
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Section 2. Field procedure.
{removed}
>>>>>
Okay, I didn’t mean for it to turn into a cop show, but I needed to do something after you lot voted for them to stay together! Gah! Talk about contrary! 
Anyway, suggestions and so forth for Gallows…?
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Last edited by Chinaren on Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:00 am; edited 1 time in total
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| Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 4:54 am Post subject: |
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Hey Chinaren,
Great chapter.
| Quote: | | Okay, I didn’t mean for it to turn into a cop show, but I needed to do something after you lot voted for them to stay together! Gah! Talk about contrary! |
Nice to see you having to work for a change.
Maybe he could drive the car between Grimm and the bullets. The armour should give you enough time to get Grimm in the car and away - preferably very high.
Happy Writing.
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| Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 5:07 am Post subject: |
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Wait in the car is the best he could do for now...
Nice chapter.
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| Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 6:43 am Post subject: |
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| I suppose he should stay in the car but trying to drive between the fighters might work.
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| Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 2:48 am Post subject: |
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Woo, nice chapter Chin!
I think that because he can't see anything, getting out of the car at this point would be rather stupid, so he should wait and see if the situation changes. He shouldn't call for backup though (that would be really dumb)
Keep it coming!
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"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
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Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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| Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 6:16 am Post subject: Section 3. Department 7. |
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Section 3. Department 7.
{removed}
>>>>
Well, what course should Gallows follow? Should he come clean about the incident earlier and risk punishment, or should he keep quiet and hope it will not be uncovered? Perhaps he could work with Department 7?
What do you think?
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Last edited by Chinaren on Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:01 am; edited 1 time in total
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| Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 6:33 am Post subject: |
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it depends how the system works
is there supposed to be complete loyalty to the leader, or are your superiors extensions of the leader and you should be loyal to them also.
in the first case he should tell them, in the second he should not
and it could always be a test
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| Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 7:03 am Post subject: |
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Hmmm. Who to trust, what to do... 
For the moment, tell Department 7 what they want to hear. Tell them you'll work with them.
Then, once they're gone, you need to find out everything you can about Department 7. Whether it really works for the leader, whether there are any records you can look up, whether it even exists at all! It will probably be difficult, especially as you won't want to talk to your partners about it. If they exist, though, there should be something to SAY they exist!.
Then, once you know more, you can make a more informed decision. 
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| Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 10:46 am Post subject: |
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An interesting chapter and decision point. An officer doing his job doesn't sound like the sort of thing that their interested in so it would probably be best to not mention the incident.
I agree with Stoat that we should find out what we can about Department 7 when they leave.
It might be worth asking what their looking for so that we can know what to watch for. It might prove enlightening.
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| Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 8:11 am Post subject: Re: Section 3. Department 7. |
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| chinaren wrote: |
And now the weather, which has been programmed by today’s lucky winner of the weather lottery; x909 Scannier from block…” |
He he, nice little tidbit!
Nice chapter, the plot thickens....
I think that staying quiet and playing along would be the safest course of action at the moment; he knows very little about what Grimm or Department 7 are up to, so until he can shed more light on the situation, he should just keep his nose to the pavement.
Keep it coming Chinaren, absolutely loving it! :biggrin:
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"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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| Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 9:35 am Post subject: |
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Loving it too - but then again it's the same with all your damn stories.
Play along and get out of there. Find out what you can about dept 7, and I'm going to risk it and say talk to your partner about it as well. If you're going to join a side, join his.
Happy Writing
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| Posted: Fri Dec 30, 2005 11:08 pm Post subject: |
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We need some sort of 'double poll' option! Anyway, poll up, but if you have other suggestions keep it coming!
I thought I had already polled this one. Hey ho.
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| Posted: Sat Dec 31, 2005 4:15 am Post subject: |
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Your sure busy catching up on all these stories 
Voted
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| Posted: Sun Jan 01, 2006 10:17 pm Post subject: |
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| Ingrothechundyer wrote: | Your sure busy catching up on all these stories
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Well, I write them at home, but I can only post in the office (for now).
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| Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2006 1:16 am Post subject: |
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Voted my evil friend!! 
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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| Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 2:50 am Post subject: Section 4. Authorized Romance. |
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Section 4 - Authorized Romance.
{removed}
>>>>>>>
Just to clarify something here: Gallows is in the middle of his date, which in this society is part of a well defined structure. To break this date without very good reason would be a black mark against him. He could ask Jane to go along, try and make an excuse, perhaps rush off and say he will meet her at the restaurant. Of course, anything else you can think of!
Ideas?
Sorry for the rather unexciting chapter, I am not feeling too well at the moment.
<<<<<<<<
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Last edited by Chinaren on Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:01 am; edited 1 time in total
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LordoftheNight
Revered IFian
Joined: 11 Aug 2005
Topics: 41
Posts: 5276
Location: Hell
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| Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 3:07 am Post subject: |
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well then - my turn to scold - get better quickly as you said - "Can't let a little bit of plauge keep you down"
and onto the story - i think he should stay where he is, he's already told his superiors about Grimm's activities, and helping him now would not only be an offence against him, but it could implicate him futher in whatever Grimm's up to
he obviously doesn't want to get mixed up in any criminal schemes, so I think he would remain where he is
_________________
Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom.
Ave Dominus Nox
A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi
Blood Bowl
Scraping the Barrel
A Tale of Four Swords
Passion
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Chinaren
Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Topics: 340
Posts: 8879
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
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| Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 3:24 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | well then - my turn to scold - get better quickly as you said - "Can't let a little bit of plauge keep you down" |
hehe. I knew that was going to come around and bite me in the ass one day! 
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| Here's my response Pigface... |
| 'm saying nothing. Stoic silence. |
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50% |
[ 3 ] |
| Please ignorance and terror, name drop lots though. |
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16% |
[ 1 ] |
| Tell the truth, with bias on loyalty! |
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16% |
[ 1 ] |
| Lob one in Piggy's eye and take the beating like a man. |
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16% |
[ 1 ] |
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| Total Votes : 6 |
| Who Voted: Chinaren, CunningFox, LordoftheNight, Shady Stoat, Smee |
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