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First Against the Wall. Section 12 - Friends and Enemies.
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PostPosted: Sun May 21, 2006 2:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Personally, I think he should go see the sub-leader. Maybe, if he gets the opportunity, do some digging afterwards about Dept 7 - but I don't think he'll get anywhere on that line of inquiry.

I'm thinking he should try to dig himself in deeper with the rebels now though. Dept. 7 is telling him to do some pretty arrest-worthy stuff - so if he's going to have to do that whatever happens, he might as well join the resistance and fight for a better way of life. Offer them co-operation in exchange for them keeping Dept 7 from destroying his life.

Good chapter Chinaren. The only thing that spoiled it for me was the lifting of Key's letter from Dear Dotty. I actually enjoyed the chapter less because you did it, because usually, the episodes of Wall are so original, and that made it seem a bit like a cheap rip-off *apologetic face* Plus, there's all that annoying 'intellectual property' ruling in the FAQs that I'm not comfortable with authors breaking.

As I said, though, the plot is great. Keep it coming - and sorry for the delay in replying. I've had to do a lot of quiz reading this weekend, it's been a bit mind-numbing Shocked
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PostPosted: Sun May 21, 2006 7:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No, we're still here Chinaren*. Personally I thought that using (read stealing) Key's letter was a good idea. It seems to tie the stories together more, and even though I know they are no longer along the same path, you did base it on Dear Dotty, and I think seeing them acutally set in the same world would be really quite impressive.

But for the decision point I suspect he might well check out the Hall of Records while he has the chance, merely to gage his curiousity if nothing else.

*I'm still here at least, what more coud you ask for?
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PostPosted: Tue May 30, 2006 7:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
The only thing that spoiled it for me was the lifting of Key's letter from Dear Dotty. I actually enjoyed the chapter less because you did it, because usually, the episodes of Wall are so original, and that made it seem a bit like a cheap rip-off *apologetic face* Plus, there's all that annoying 'intellectual property' ruling in the FAQs that I'm not comfortable with authors breaking.


I was a bit unsure about it myself. It broke away a little from the story in some senses. I din't think about the IP rule though. I have adjusted it now, hopefully enough so that no one will ever know. Roll

Now then, I suppose the options are fairly straight forward this time, so I have stuck up a poll. It has limited suggestions, as he may only have time to visit two of the three, and he really should visit the Sub Leader as one of them.
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PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 1:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Voted for the Hall of Records, followed by the Sub-Leader and created one of those lovely three way ties.
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PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 3:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Voted for the first one China. Looking forward to the next chappie. :biggrin:

*holds breath* Shocked
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PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 4:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I do hope you have some other readers Chinaren, otherwise that oculd be bad...
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PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 4:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Either that, or he'll have to create a few clones of his main character Wink
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PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 5:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's a novel idea - do they have cloning technology there?
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PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 5:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow - such a decisive bunch we are. Shocked

I voted to get rid of the cube first and then go see the sub-leader - if, for whatever reason, the sub-leader gets annoyed with us, we could find ourselves escorted from the building without the chance to do anything else. Or worse, searched before entering and the cube discovered.
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PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 5:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL!! A four way tie. Smee makes a good point about the cube. I din't think of that.

Anyway, I have my trust four sided coin ready to flip in-case of sustained tie.
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 8:35 pm    Post subject: Section 11. Lies and Damn Lies. Reply with quote

Section 11. Lies and Damn Lies.

{removed}



>>>>>>

Intrigue! Plots! Lies! What’s a Correctional officer to do?

Some more information then, but who is telling the truth? Is anyone?

More immediately, what is Gallows to say now? Is it time to throw his lot in with one side or the other?

Let’s hear your devious and twisty thinking!

<<<<<<

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 11:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another tricky yet excellent chapter Chinaren Shocked

I'm very disinclined to throw in my lot with the head of security. Working for security makes you an expandable pawn, no matter how loyal you are. Department 7 and its head have shown no concern over your welfare or that of Jane. That one's to be avoided at all costs.

I guess it means, for now, throwing in your lot with the sub-leader.

We can't rebuff the guy who's asking for information now, so we have to make something up. Something that sounds plausible and that they'll believe. We run the risk that they have bugging devices and can verify what we say, but if they had that sort of technology available, I don't think they'd have a strong enough motivation to screw with us in this way.

So, assuming that our evidence is the only source, we should...

Tell this contact that the sub-leader has suspicions about the head of our police station, and has asked us to make regular reports on him and his activities. Tell them he seemed fairly paranoid about the whole thing, and that you don't want to do it but you don't see any choice as an otherwise loyal citizen. Act naive and dumb, look to them to advice and continue feeding them horse-puckey.

That's all I got for now Smile
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 3:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Intrigue by the bucketload! Great chapter China, I'd missed this story. :biggrin:

A few suggestions:

Quote:
Gallows fell in beside him, every cell in his body screamed caution.


I think this works better as 'screaming', though it's up to you.

Quote:
I was the one who arranged this appointment with the Leader


Wasn't it with the sub-leader? Or am I getting all confuzzled?

Quote:
The agency is called Department 7, you will not have heard of them as their existence is a highly kept secret.


I think this sentance seems a bit clunky. It would be better to seperate them, I think: 'The agency is called Department 7. You would not have heard of them; their existence is a highly kept secret' Something like that. Very Happy

Quote:
he couldn’t even trust those in the Rebel camp, well, even less than he did anyway.


Again, this seems like a clunky way of putting it. Seperating 'Rebel camp' from 'Well, even less than he did anyway' just sounds better, to me.

Now, what to do.... I think that the Sub-Leader seems to have far too much information to be truly worried about some sort of plot. I think he himself is planning something, and wants people he thinks he can trust on his side. That, or he's very paranoid, and that is never good.

Department 7 are scary and ruthless, and I think Gallows would do well to avoid them, but it seems that he has little choice. He should agree to working with them, giving them just enough information to placate them but not so that he is truly working for them. This means that the rebels are all thats left. To me, they seem to make the most sense, and are the most sincere, though it is obviously a dangerous path to take. He should be wary, but try and integrate himself into them. If he does, and they turn out to be lying scum, then he can report it all to the Sub-Leader, for 'the Good of the State' Wink

As for the agent next to him, I think Gallows needs to releive some stress, so blowing his brains out would be fun, but quite detrimental to Gallow's wellbeing. So that's out of the question... damn. Sad

I guess he should just tell him something about the Sub-Leader wants officers within The Correctional Department to be extra vigilant, as there seems to be problems emerging that need 'correcting', so he was talking to one officer who he thinks, because of his recent 'fame', would have influence over the other officers, and could urge them to be all-the-more vigilant. Something like that; Shady's idea was better.

*holds breath* Shocked
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 3:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good points Soily, thanks. I will amend. Very Happy

And good comments as well from both of ye. Is it getting tricky yet? Wink
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 3:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Personally I was convinced by D7, and would be more than happy to see him side with them, dispite their hidden adgendas. Not only do they seem more convincing, but they mentioned his own ascension, something I feel they'd be more able to provide than the Sub-Leader.
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 3:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Personally I was convinced by D7, and would be more than happy to see him side with them


Hehe. I was quite happy with how that conversation turned out when I wrote it. I almost convinced myself! Shocked Wink
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 4:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I almost convinced myself


Only almost - are you saying we shouldn't be convinced Wink
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 15, 2006 1:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

another good one ren. I think he should start to ddecide who to join here. The obvious ones are the rebels but lets not discard d7 and the subleader. I think the subleader is the way to go really. Hopefully he could help you against d7.
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 3:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Power. Sub-leader.
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 3:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Poll is up people! Let's see if we can get a record 4 votes this time eh? Wink
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 3:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Voted for D7, all the way. And winning.
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 5:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think he should keep to the truth, getting away with the bare minimum to keep everyone happy until he can figure out who is telling the truth and who is lying.

For all we know, no one is telling the truth.
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2006 4:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Gotta be the rebels. D7 are just too scary, so best to placate them and avoid getting too involved with them; the Sub-Leader seems like a nutter, with few allies, so it wouldn't be safe to get involved with him in the long run, so the rebels, at least for the moment, seem like the best bet. :biggrin:

*holds breath* Shocked
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 4:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wooo! 5 votes, not including me! It's a record! Very Happy

I am closing the voting now, Placate D7, get closer to the SubLeader won, which was a slight suprise, so I will get working on that.

Not feeling too wonderful just now, so probably finish this tomorrow.
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 15, 2006 6:01 am    Post subject: Section 12. Friends and Enemies. Reply with quote

Section 12. Friends and Enemies

{removed}

>>>>>>

Finally! Sorry for the delay with this chapter. I have re-written it about 5 times now, and I still am not too happy with it.

A cruel twist for our hero! What should he do? Should he speak? Should he tell them a story? The truth? Or hold out and hope?

Let us hear your comments! The very future itself hangs in the balance!!

<<<<<<

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 15, 2006 10:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

*eyes cross* Okay, this is all getting a bit complicated. So now we have Dept. 7, Dept. 8, Grimm, the Rebels, Leader, Sub-Leader and Deputy Sub-Leader. All of them want something from him and none of them are prepared to share much info with him.

Given the complexity of everything else, I'd say that this is a test. Keep quiet and prove your loyalty to whichever side is testing you. Then you can get on with your dozen or so conflicting missions after that Smile
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 1:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chapter 12 is back up again (above) folks. I made some smaller changes than I was going to. I simply can't get the chapter to a state I am happy with but I am rather pressed for time, so it will have to do.

Comments please. Pretty please! Shocked
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 3:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
A totally anonymous type of person Gallows though.


Should be thought. And as for how to get out of this - he could always try to bluff his way out.

Say he believed he had discovered a rebel base/hideout, and was attempting to infiltrate the group in order to learn their alligence and their secrets. He could even go so far as to betray the rebels here, and tell them about their plans to assassinate the Leader.

Pretty much - tell the truth, but with a spin on it so it seems that you were doing it all for the Leader's best interests.
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 5:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

hmmm..

Quote:
So far he hadn't said anything, waiting for the help he was sure would come.

He didn't wait for Gallows to correct his mistake,


Why would Gallows expect him to wait for a correction if he hasn't said anything?

~

For all we know it could be the rebels who have captured us - afterall, they have just told us all their plans and will probably be feeling nervous. Telling all your plans to someone with our job is going to make anyone nervous.

Plead ignorance and terror - say we've been told to spy on everyone by various sub-leaders but so far we've seen nothing and don't know what we're looking for. Demand to know on what authority you're being held - maybe you'll get some idea who they are. Also, mention the sub-leader's name, alot. If he wants us to spy for him then he's going to have to offer some protection.

Happy Writing Smile
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 5:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Smee wrote:
]Why would Gallows expect him to wait for a correction if he hasn't said anything?


Mmm, maybe that came out wrong.

Quote:
do you know how much information I could find on Department 6?” He didn't wait for Gallows to correct his mistake, but went on.


I meant the mistake about him saying deparment 6, not 7. Looking at it now it doesn't really make much sense. Time for an edit perhaps. Again.
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 12:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was wondering about that, and the fact that Shady mentioned Department 8 as well.
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 3:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

In my original* version Charles was from Department 8, which was the Leader's Secret Service. However, I wasn't really happy with that one when I posted it, and thinking about it overnight I decided to change it, along with some other things. In the end I didn't very change much, but Department 8 is one thing I did do.


*The original posted one anyway, which was about the 5th version I wrote.

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 1:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Twistyness! This is getting rather mental... Wink

I think that he should look Piggy in the eye, open his mouth as if to speak and then gob a big fat green blob into his beady little eye. He'll get beat up, but he won't betray anyone and he needs to stall for time so the sub-leader, or rebels, or department 7 can do something about his predicament. Very Happy

*holds breath* Shocked
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Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
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Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
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One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
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Chinaren
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 25, 2006 2:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Polls up then. Let the voting commence.

Second option should read 'Plead' not 'Please'. Embarrassed
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 25, 2006 4:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Voted for the truth.
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 25, 2006 5:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing We're a decisive bunch as per usual Very Happy
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Chinaren
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 25, 2006 6:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Smee wrote:
Laughing We're a decisive bunch as per usual Very Happy


LOL! You lot. Surprised
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 9:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Im stumped. Confused Voted for keep quiet.
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 22, 2006 8:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Keep quiet won, so I will get working on this one.

In the meatime, don't forget to vote for this SGame in SGotM!!
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Solomon Birch
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 4:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Looking forward to reading the new chapter China! Things are getting more and more dodgy, and I think things are going to kick off real soon. Very Happy

*holds breath* Shocked
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"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot

Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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Here's my response Pigface...
'm saying nothing. Stoic silence.
50%
 50%  [ 3 ]
Please ignorance and terror, name drop lots though.
16%
 16%  [ 1 ]
Tell the truth, with bias on loyalty!
16%
 16%  [ 1 ]
Lob one in Piggy's eye and take the beating like a man.
16%
 16%  [ 1 ]
Total Votes : 6
Who Voted: Chinaren, CunningFox, LordoftheNight, Shady Stoat, Smee

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