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Chinaren
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 Posted: Sun Mar 19, 2006 5:31 am Post subject: |
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Well, it seems that we have a clear winner here. I will start writing the next chapter as soon as poss, but my notes are on my PC, and that is currently inert.
Also, I hate typing on this PC. It is set up to change into Chinese when I press the SHIFT key on its own. I mean, who thought of that one? Couldn't have picked a key that is used a bit more eh? How about the SPACE key, or maybe the letter 'e'? Another great idea from China. 
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| Posted: Sun Mar 19, 2006 9:23 am Post subject: |
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ROFL!! Sounds like a quality product there Chinaren. Shame none of us read Chinese (properly)...
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| Posted: Sun Mar 26, 2006 9:28 pm Post subject: Section 7. Low levels. |
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Section 7. Low levels.
{removed}
>>>>>>
A long overdue chapter y’all, with a bit of action. So, what should he do now?
Suggestions pleeeese.
<<<<<<
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Last edited by Chinaren on Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:59 am; edited 1 time in total
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| Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 12:05 am Post subject: |
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Great chapter. At least all he got was demotion - and a fair bit more information to go with it 
Right. Who to follow?
Well, if you catch up with department 7, what are you going to do about it? They are 'apparently' on the side of the government, you can't confront them, you can't demand answers. You can't really do anything but attempt to arrest them for shooting at him, at which point they'll say that Gallows is still alive and one of their agents is down, and probably take him in for murder of a soldier of our Glorious Leader.
Go for the other side. You might get some answers that way 
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| Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 2:17 am Post subject: |
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Well worth the wait Chinaman, good chapter.
And, as Stoat was saying, going after Dept. 7 is probably not the best of ideas, as they are likely just going to arrest you or worse, and as we do not seem to know who the other attackers were, then going after them could reveal some more information. And, armed with a trusty colt he can start acting all Clint-y, so that should be fun!  :biggrin:
*holds breath* 
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Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
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| Posted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 11:58 am Post subject: |
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Great chapter Chinaren.
I've voted with everyone else - D7 are just going to make life difficult and from the video you know they're already involved. We need information from the otherside.
Happy Writing
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| Posted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 1:45 pm Post subject: |
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Added my vote to the majority 
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| Posted: Tue Apr 04, 2006 7:09 am Post subject: |
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Voted.
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Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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| Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 8:38 pm Post subject: |
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Okay then. I will get on the next chapter in the coming few days. Thanks for voting all.
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| Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 12:22 am Post subject: |
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Good chapter again - no surprises there 
OK, he needs to play it cool - or, rather, bemused. He's a hick officer who's just been invited to a party that's way above his social standing. All of that is probably just to put him off balance in one way or another.
So - tell the sub-leader how grateful you are for being allowed to this party. Say what an honour it is. Act a little nervous, wondering what you've done to be afforded such an honour.
Try not to ask how you can repay such an honour though. He might just answer and dig you an even deeper hole than you're in at the moment!
If he knows something, it's probably already too late to save yourself. The best chance is innocence mingled with a fair chunk of stupidity
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| Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 1:25 am Post subject: |
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Good chapter Chinny,
I think the stoat has obviously been invited to several such parties before - good thoughts there. Play dumb is definately the way forward until we learn more.
We needs to gather what info we can before our 'education' tomorrow with the rebels. Then finally we might get some answers that will allow us to piece together what's going on.
However, I think things are getting too risky to rely on home being safe. During the education (if we get that far after tonight) we need to ask for some protection from D7 otherwise we're likely to be silenced before we can be a lot of use.
Gripping story Chinaren, keep it coming.
Happy Writing
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| Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:25 am Post subject: |
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| Stoat's right again. Playing dumb seems like an excellent idea for now. And don't ask how you can repay the privlage
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| Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:36 pm Post subject: |
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Yes, don't let on about anything. Though I doubt he'd really need to act nervous.
Gallows needs to cultivate all the support he can get right now, caught up in a world of intrigue he really doesn't understand who is who, or even which side he's fighting for. His best bet is to play all the sides against each other, finding out as much as he can from each but without commiting to any of them.
If he lets the Sub-Leader know that he's been contacted by D7, or has possibly committed acts against the Leader without knowing it, he can only really land himself in deeper trouble than playing it cool. Unless of course the Sub-Leader is merely testing him, trying to determine how honest he is to a superior, in which case he's probably a bit f*cked.*
*I mean very.
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| Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 3:38 am Post subject: |
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I'm loving this one China, probably my favourite of your current stories! Gripping plot.
I noticed a couple of things:
| Quote: | | except the Leaders’ of course |
This doesn't sound like a very realistic thing to add. I think it would sound more realistic, and frantic, if it was just 'except the leader'.
| Quote: | | I thought the Rebels were a couple of amateurs |
I think you meant 'bunch' here; as couple implies that there are only about two rebels. Which may be the case....
I agree with acting innocent and ignorant. Stoat hit the nail on the head with that suggestion. I don't think that there would be much else he could say without fear of revealing something the SL may or may not already know. Best to play it cool, for the moment. And get back to Jane, to stop her from over eating! :biggrin:
*holds breath*
P.S. Do you want me to delete the poll for you?
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Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
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Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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| Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 4:32 am Post subject: |
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Thanks for the comments Soily, them's the type I like.
For the first one, mmm. I think I will leave it. I put in the 'of course' to emphasize the 'slip' he made. Meh. It could go either way. 
For the 'couple', he said that to try and stress how little the State (officially) thinks of the rebels.
and please, delete the poll!
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| Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 6:00 am Post subject: |
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Poll deleted!
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"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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| Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 2:59 am Post subject: |
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Right, poll is up. I added another option as well, two looked kind of lonely.
Get thee voting sinners!
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| Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 10:21 am Post subject: |
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Voted voted voted! *I actually voted as well today! So empowering!* :biggrin:
*holds breath*
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"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 1:41 am Post subject: Section 9. Meetings. |
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Section 9. Meetings.
{removed}
>>>>>>
So, caught in a dodgy kissing shop run by rebels! What’s an officer to do?
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Last edited by Chinaren on Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:03 am; edited 1 time in total
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 2:36 am Post subject: |
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Good plot development there. Another great chapter - no suprises there
Caught in an illegal kissing booth is probably bad news. I have a couple of thoughts though.
Would it be possible for Gallows to find that mechanism that turned him around last time? If so, he might be able to take refuge from the police officers until they've had their raid, and slip out quietly afterwards.
Or, if he draws his weapon and tries to look official, he might actually be able to slip by one of them as they do their sweep, and make it to the exit before running to safety.
That's all I've got for now
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 2:54 am Post subject: |
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Oh dear - that's most unfortunate.
Gallows really is being unlucky recently.
He is a correctional officer though, he knows the drill - is it possible he could pretend he'd been working undercover to see just how bad this place was, and begin helping with the other officers? Maybe grab the nearest person and begin 'processing' them?
Either that or Stoat's idea of finding the spinning chair lever.
Good chapter
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 4:20 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Gallows really is being unlucky recently. |
Bit one has to ask, "is it a co-incidence?"
And he isn't in uniform.
Still, all valid and good ideas!
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 4:50 am Post subject: |
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Oooo, I love it! Great idea that, illegal kissing. Not that I have anything wrong with kissing, but it's just so evil! The making it illegal, not the act itself! Argh!
I like Smee's idea about pretending to be undercover, though I'm unsure whether it would work. If they are conducting a raid, and are part of the same department, then surely they would know if someone else was working at the shop? That said, it might work long enough so that he can get away before they cotton on. Things are getting out of hand, and he seems to be starting to beleive the things that the rebels are telling him, so he should just try and get away.
Maybe he could discharge his weapon above the heads of the officers and make a break for it, hoping that theres a back exit from which he could escape. IF they think they are under fire, I'm sure he could buy himself enough time to get away.
*holds breath*
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"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 4:56 am Post subject: |
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The main problems with our ideas, including the undercover and the firing of the gun are that in this strictly controlled world then it's going to find its way back to Gallows, either by the controller of the team reporting back about Gallows being 'undercover' or analysis of the bullet matching Gallow's sidearm etc.
It seems bluffing is going to be all but impossible in this environment.
Making that chair turn around again somehow seems his only hope. Perhaps he could mention D7 and what he knows to the rebels behind the seat, ask them for help in hiding. That line where he can continue innocently has been crossed and he needs to vanish.
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 5:02 am Post subject: |
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He could tell the truth, of at least a version of it. Claim ignorence that it was an illegal kissing bar, only that someone asked to meet him there.
Then claim they never showed.
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 5:13 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Perhaps he could mention D7 and what he knows to the rebels behind the seat, ask them for help in hiding. That line where he can continue innocently has been crossed and he needs to vanish. |
Oooh. I like that idea! Trade in the Rebels for his own skin. Would he do such a thing I wonder!?
This could be a fairly major D point for this story.
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 5:36 am Post subject: |
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| chinaren wrote: | | Quote: | | Perhaps he could mention D7 and what he knows to the rebels behind the seat, ask them for help in hiding. That line where he can continue innocently has been crossed and he needs to vanish. |
Oooh. I like that idea! Trade in the Rebels for his own skin. Would he do such a thing I wonder!?
This could be a fairly major D point for this story.
|
I think it was the other way around. Trade in D7 to the rebels for his own skin.
That said would I be correct in my reading that he currently has last night;s and this morning's meds in his pocket and smells of perfume in this illegle kissing bar?
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| Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 8:34 pm Post subject: |
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Okay, poll is up, and there are lots of good suggestions! When I wrote this I didn't realise exactly how key this DP is.
This could turn the course of the story here, or not, depending upon which choice wins.
Choose wisely my friends, Ben's fate, the fate of the Rebels, the City or even the World may depend upon your choice! Unless it doesn't.
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| Posted: Sat May 20, 2006 3:18 am Post subject: |
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Okay I am closing the poll now. Or even deleting it now Jnmrcs has given us the power. (insert insane laughter here).
I will sharpen ye olde quill and get scribing the next chapter. Hopefully up tonight, unless I get a blockage.
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| Posted: Sat May 20, 2006 6:19 am Post subject: Section 10. Persuasion. |
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Section 10. Persuasion.
{removed}
>>>>>>
So, sorry for the rather lame DP, I had to end it here or it would have likely gone on another three pages!
What to do next? One of the choices above? Something else? Is there something he should ask the Sub-Leader? Should he reveal D7 to the Commissioner, or maybe mention them to the Sub-Leader?
All thoughts and suggestions welcome.
<<<<<<
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Last edited by Chinaren on Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:04 am; edited 4 times in total
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Solomon Birch
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| Posted: Sat May 20, 2006 6:38 am Post subject: |
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Good-O! Nice chapter China.
Noticed:
I think this should be the.
And its not a lame D-point. I think that he should listen to what Grimm said about co-operating with Department 7, so he should talk to the Sub-Leader, especially as he was called there specifically for that. If he doesn't turn up to it, or turns up late, then it would be bad news for him and Jane.
He could then try and find Commissioner Owens when he has finished talking with the Sub-Leader.
I'll come back and give a more detailed plan later, as now it is time to get back to work...
*holds breath*
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 1:42 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks Soily.
No other comments? Has...has everyone left me?  I'll try and write better, promise.
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