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Chinaren
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 Posted: Fri May 05, 2006 8:11 pm Post subject: |
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Sorry, missed this vote-going-up.
Well, it was a tough choice, I ummed and ahhd and finally flicked a coin.
Consider it broke. 
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 5:27 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks a lot! And look what we picked! How exciting! Chapter will be under construction soon.
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| Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 8:50 pm Post subject: |
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Chapter Nine of "EVE OF DESTRUCTION"
The coolness of the cave reassures Adam of his safety as the land burns beneath the intensified sun. The flooding water from the mountains rushes harmlessly over him and begins to pool in the low areas of the Garden, far from the cave. Even so, Adam can not relax. His life has become too uncertain and there's so much that confuses him. Maybe Eve is right... the apples from the tree might give him the knowledge he needs to decide what to do next. God told him not to eat them, but he can't trust God. The fact he said not to suggests that he should immediately!
Adam looks up with resolution. He walks out of the cave and looks up at the sun. He's about to disobey God, and quite frankly, nothing would please him better.
He makes good time through the Garden, rushing through the trees and bushes. Watching the lush and beautiful garden wilting under the heat makes his mood melt from fear to anger. God doesn't value his creations it seems. He's more interested in destruction.
The rocks are heating up and whenever Adam steps on one it burns his foot, but he ignores it and presses on, back to his origin, back to the very ground he was made from, and soon he's back in the meadow with the bare spot where Adam was born and the Tree with the shining red apples... God's second creation.
Adam steps forward... the tree is unphased by the heat, standing strong and proud. Below it a trail of green dust is all that is left of the snake that lived in it. Adam considers it proper... from dust he came and to dust he shall return.... A shining apple waits for Adam's hand, and lightly drops into it as he reaches. It is warm and a wave of static charges wrap around the apple and Adam's hand from the lightning. Adam raises it to his lips and takes his first large bite.
The taste is exquisitely sweet and somehow unbearably sour at the same time. Its disgusting but delicious, and he wants to throw it away but he wants more. Each time he chews, thoughts and emotions, both foreign and inherently familiar, are released into his mouth and absorbed into his being. The contradictions continue, as Adam feels triumphant and ashamed, powerful and powerless. The feelings and thoughts take over and suddenly he feels less like he's absorbing them than they are absorbing him, and that's where he can take no more and he drops the remainder of the apple, dropping to his knees and clenching his entire body as though his soul was trying to escape.
It takes time for him to accept it all, but then a desolate peace washes over him. His thoughts move subconsciously, reorganizing and evaluating and trying to catch up after so much ignorance. At first, he accepts the understanding that certain things are what they are, but then a realization, with implications too great to surrender to, takes hold, and Adam runs away from the Tree and the Apple. He runs with all his might, faster and faster! He tries to outrun the thoughts and feelings, he tries to dodge the new fact that has burrowed into his belly. Like a predator, it catches him, but he keeps running anyway. He has to prove it wrong!
Across the dilapidated Garden, past the burned forest, across the swollen river to the edge of the world, where he first found the invisible barrier.... No, not enough yet. Adam runs along the edge of the world, denying the truth it insists upon, even as he finds the corner where the edge turns 90 degrees in upon the Garden. He runs with inexplicable vitality, runs beyond human ability, till he sees what he hoped for....
Large rectangular forms grow into vision like skyscrapers, but there shape is not what's important. What's important is their location. Adam smiles and laughs exhaustedly. Surely these buildings standing outside of the Garden, beyond the edge of the world, were proof that he wasn't merely a prisoner in a pretty cage, or worse....
The buildings, or so Adam thought they were, have large pictures and bright letters, like gigantic billboards for some kind of toy.
"BUILD YOUR OWN GARDEN OF EDEN"
with a picture of the garden.
and:
"ADAM, THE FIRST MAN"
With a giant picture of Adam himself... there are two buildings with Adam on it.
"Goblin Lair" is another building nearby, with a picture of the goblins Adam encountered in the cave. That building is still open on top, as though it was a giant box. Behind it, Adam sees an eyedropper of titanic proportions and he knows there is no denying it any longer. It is all true.
Suddenly everything is not black beyond the edge of the world, but fill with colors and shapes, all of them very large. Adam peers into a massive valley, but not a valley. It's a bedroom, that of a young boy. And Adam sees that the sun is just a large lamp and the black eye is a sort of a microscope to observe the miniature world, a microcosm. And high above that is a large figure who could only be one person: God.
He looks different... a large red head with a blue gem on the forehead and large boxing gloves on his hands.... Oh wait... that's just a poster of Strongbad. God must not be here right now.... He didn't make his bed before leaving either.
Adam leans against the glass of his cage, knowing fully where he is and what he is about. He's God's play thing, purchased at a hobby store for $36.99, according to the label. It also says that minors should only use it with parental consent and supervision, induce vomiting if swallowed and wash out thoroughly with water if it gets in the eyes. Then call a physician. Questions or comments should call "1-800-ADAM'S LIFE IS A MEANINGLESS SHAM."
... It might as well say that anyway....
Adam crumples himself up with his back to the glass. It's easier to look at the Garden... to believe in it instead of what is behind him. But now that he knows the truth, he knows there is no going back. Dumb apple.
After hours of running, he's exhausted but he needs to take a dump first. He picks no particular spot and chuckles sadly with the irony that he's crapping out the Apple of Knowledge.
The red lump lays there mockingly... funny that it's red when most of the apple was white like a normal apple.... It begins to crumbles, turning into red dust like everything else in the Garden that dies.... The ground around it begins to crumble too... it loses its color, becoming a light grey like the dirt of the moon. The circle widens, all of the grass becoming dust in little puffs, but growing.
Adam's sullenness vanishes, replaced by sheer terror. The grey grows like a match dropped on a puddle of gas, but he tries to outrun it. Its speed increases the wider it gets and it consumes the mountains beneath Adam's feet, he falls with it like a helpless grain of sand in an hourglass. And the hunger of the grey is not sated with the mountains. It devours the forests and the swollen river, the plains, and all that is beyond them to the opposite edge of the world as Adam knew it.
And nothing remains within it except Adam himself, and it is as it was when he was first born. Adam looks at himself, covered in the dust that are the ashes of his world. The grey has spread to him as well, but it does not consume him yet.
The massive door of the bedroom opens and God has returned... a boy perhaps twelve years old wearing a black shirt that reads "I do what the voices in my head tell me to". And he runs right up to the cage, but he doesn't need the help of the black eye to tell him what's happened.
"Oh good job, Adam. You still alive?"
Adam says nothing.
"This is terrible. Do you know how many weeks allowance I had to trade for this?"
God turns off the sun for the first time and everything darkens. Fitting, Adam says, for the end of his life.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"The box says you wouldn't believe it."
"You did what the box said?"
"Hey, I told you not to eat the apple!"
"How was I supposed to know you were giving me good advice for once?"
"What do you want out of me? I even gave you a Goblin Lair. You were supposed to be good for at least 10 months. It's that girl's fault!"
"It's your fault! You made me like this! Why did you make the Tree in the first place."
"Yeah, that's the stupid part. I should totally send an email to the company. Anyway, I had to make the tree or else you would have died in a week."
"I would have lived longer then! ... Am I going to die?"
"Yeah... you're SOL, man."
"What happened to Eve?"
"... I'm not sure... I don't have the instructions for Eve. My stupid sister has it, but if she hasn't eaten any of the apple she should still be around."
God pulls out Adam's instructions from the box and starts reading. Then he gets an evil grin and he grabs the eyedropper.
"I'll be back," God booms, still talking in his usual painfully loud voice as he leaves.
"Sure, whatever. I've got plenty of time."
Adam looks again at the desolation, hoping to see Eve somewhere in the distance, but he doesn't see her anywhere. He starts to wander towards the center of the Garden... the tree is gone, but he knows he could find it on instinct, except he's feeling so tired. His steps are sluggish and reluctant... worn out from the running and mental strain, no doubt. Adam makes a little dirt pillow, but before he gets comfortable, God comes back.
"Oh Adam! I have something for you."
"... Didn't we already go through this?" Adam says, reflecting on how everything was working backward since he ate the apple.
"I think you really want this though. You know, you probably shouldn't sleep right now."
"Why not?"
"That the way it kills you, according to the instructions."
"Good."
"But are you sure you wanna die?"
"Fine, what is it?"
"Antidote. It will save you."
"I don't think I want it."
"Sure you do. Say, how does it feel being smart?"
"Bad. Will it hurt?"
"No. So do you want it?"
The happy sleepiness is feeling a lot more tempting than life right now, but at this moment, Eve finally digs out of the dirt that collapsed on top of her and wakes him enough to fight a little longer.
"All right, give it to me."
"Not so fast," God says connivingly. Then bluntly commands Adam: "Beg for it."
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 9:00 pm Post subject: |
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Very nice chapter Lebby!
A nice plot twist! Maybe we should all run and see if we are in a box. 
Well, perhaps he should ask what would happen to him if he lived? Would he have to live in a box for the rest of his life?
Once we know that, then we can figure out the answer. Don't beg though. once that path is taken then the kid will do it every time. Nip it in the bud!
Havta go.
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 9:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Oooooh God's so mean. What else can Adam do but beg for it?
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 11:34 pm Post subject: |
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Good chapter. I thought it must be something like that.
Don't beg. I don't think Adam's feeling too good about his life now anyway. If the boy wants to save you, he'll save you despite what you say. If he doesn't care, then you're better off dead.
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Smee
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| Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 1:07 am Post subject: |
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 Very amusing chapter.
I agree - don't beg. It's a kid and it's time to take advantage of the knowledge we've just crapped out.
"Fine, don't give it to me then - but if I die then you've just blown your $37. I don't really care either way."
Happy Writing
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Araex
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| Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 2:41 am Post subject: |
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No begging! Great chapter, have a medal!
Yeah... no ideas to add to the pot. Just get him to think of all the pocket money he's wasting.
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 8:15 pm Post subject: |
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| Actually don't beg.... in fact, why doesn't Adam tell him off?He's just a stupid kid, he should be made aware of that.
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Stubby
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 3:30 am Post subject: |
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f5 everyone, I think
Don't beg.
Excellent chapter though 
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 5:54 am Post subject: |
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Don’t beg. Hit him where it hurts- laugh at him. He seems like the kind of kid that couldn’t take being the butt of some joke. Taunt him a bit about how you’ll die laughing at his patent failure. Point out that his sister did a better job making Eve than he did at making anything. He’s bound to keep you alive then, at which point you can switch tactics and offer praise of his wisdom, and use a little child psychology to manipulate and get what you want (well…at least some of the time).
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 12:47 pm Post subject: |
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| Hmmm... just thinking, what would happen if God ate an apple? Because he's only a kid, and so doesn't know everything, and when Adam starts messing him around, he might resort to desperate measures... I think that would be quite interesting to see.
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 2:36 pm Post subject: |
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Don't forget - it's just a toy apple. Much smaller than he is. And it's more likely it's merely enchanted to releash a set of urges in Adam, and would have no effect on God.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 7:03 pm Post subject: |
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Additionally, the remains of the Tree and its apples disintegrated with everything else. But it is an interesting idea.... It does surprise me what you people come up with sometimes!
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 7:16 pm Post subject: EVE OF DESTRUCTION Poll |
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All right, I assembled the surprisingly diverse comments for the next move and made a poll. Never mind the last option, that's just a joke. Naturally, I don't imagine you would be this far if you objected to the story, but I figured I might as well mention it and lay a really heavy disclaimer right here:
THIS IS NOT A SATIRE!
It's just an author fooling around. I just hope to keep it entertaining.
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Last edited by Lebrenth on Wed May 10, 2006 12:35 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 7:22 pm Post subject: |
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I voted to tell the stupid lad where to stick it.
By the way, what does the 'U' in your av indicate Lebbie?
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 1:19 am Post subject: |
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Frustrate the creator by laughing at him. 
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The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 8:09 am Post subject: |
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| Muaddib wrote: | | By the way, what does the 'U' in your av indicate Lebbie? |
That's a nice question Muaddib. I wonder if you have any interesting guesses....
When I was about ... hmm... maybe 14? I was experimenting with using a symbol to represent my name. It was something my friends were doing and just interested me. I wasn't very satisfied with the previous model (based on a small crescent shaped scar between my eyebrows), but it was the best I could come up with. Then one day for no particular reason and at no particular time, the symbol as you see it in my av appeared in my head and I loved it instantly. It appealled to me partly because it looked a bit like a bard's harp, but it was simple and easy to draw. I also liked the color, but I think that av pic is the only time I have ever represented the symbol in color at all. Anyway, I sometimes sign my name with the symbol beside it and I put it on all the funny little pictures I draw or on things as a mark of ownership....
One might accidentally assume the U stood for Utah, where I was born, or even UVSC (Utah Valley State College) where I took a few classes (their banner is green with yellow letters with the V crossing into the U much like my symbol), but they would be entirely mistaken. There is a remote possibility that it was inspired by the Leinster Flag of Ireland (a harp in a green field), which I might have seen years before choosing the symbol and it was just kicking around in my head till a similar image occurred to me. ... But I would rather think it occured to me on its own, and in any case it's not meant to have a connection with Ireland (not that I have anything against Ireland).
Thanks for asking! I've been wondering about your name for a while, but I was afraid I might offend you if I asked if it had any connection to "Dune" and thought it was more likely drawn from the same source as Frank Herbert drew it from.
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| Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 8:58 am Post subject: |
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| Yes it is from Dune. I prefer the 'one who shows the way' translation, but people seem to find,' desert mouse' funnier.
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 1:57 pm Post subject: EVE OF DESTRUCTION, Chapter 10 |
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Chapter 10 of “EVE OF DESTRUCTION”
“Well go ahead,” God says impatiently. “Beg for it already!”
Adam looks at Eve and looks at the black eye, then directly at God himself, a twelve-year-old boy.
“God, you can take that eyedropper and shove it up your ass. You think I want to be part of this any longer? This place is pathetic! You call yourself God because of this? You destroyed most of it yourself before I even thought about eating the apple. I might be dying, but I’m glad, cause your garden is stupid! You must be some kind of retard!”
“Hey, you shut up you moron!”
“Or else what? I’m already dead, so you can’t do anything to me! And there’s no refund for a dead Adam. You just flushed all your money down the toilet and now you’re about to lose another $37.99. Just because you’re too stupid to take care of a garden.”
“I’m not stupid, you’re stupid! Fine, you’re not getting the antidote, you’re gonna just die like a stupid worm!”
“Fine!”
God stamps away angrily and leaves Adam to himself.
“Adam?” Eve says in the distance. Adam starts walking, but the fatigue is catching up with him fast. He’s having a hard time walking straight even. “Adam, are you all right?”
“Yeah I’m fine. I just ate the apple of knowledge and now I’m gonna die.”
“That’s not supposed to happen, is it? I guess we were supposed to be thrown out of Eden, but not just die!”
“You don’t understand. That isn’t God, it’s just a kid with ant farm, except we’re the ants. The apple was just a way to keep us from growing too much.”
“Well I didn’t eat the apple.”
“Well, maybe you won’t die, but there’s not much to live for anymore. Too bad we don’t have anymore apples.”
“Yeah,” Eve agrees somberly.
“Hey, what happened to your clothes?” Adam asks with a strange feeling creeping into him.
“They turned to ash.”
“… That’s too bad,” Adam says insincerely.
“Adam, we’re about to die, do you think you could stay focused for a little while?”
“… So Eve… If I was the last man and you were the last woman and we were together on the eve of destruction, what would you want to do with your last moments?”
“Adam, I…” Eve says all flustered and blushing through her dust coated face. Oh what the heck, if this is all just a dream she might as well get everything she can out of it. “Well, I…”
“Me too,” Adam says with a grin. But just as they begin to touch, God returns, carrying a dustpan and trashcan. “Quick, play dead!”
They fall over, Adam with his head on Eve’s belly, and they stay still as death.
“That was quick,” God says. “Stupid Adam, I’m glad there wasn’t an antidote.”
The lay as still as death and wait as God’s humungous dustpan starts shoveling out the remains of the garden.
“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,” Adam says very quietly. Eve feels his tears as they run off of his face. The dustpan lifts the dust below them, carrying them up out of the glass cage.
“I’m never doing this again,” God says. “It’s liking cleaning up the litter box.” Then he drops them into the trashcan.
Their whole world tosses inside the enormous trashcan as God carries it outside and leaves it for the trash collector. When all is still, Adam and Eve look at each, still alive and nothing broken.
“Is it safe?” Eve asks. And as she does, a titanic cat jumps up on the edge of the can and looks in. They hold still… The cat bounds for the next trash can, and as it does, knocks the first one down, scattering the dust and causing a big cloud.
As the cloud settles, they gaze out into the huge frightening real world, filled with giants, cats, cars and millions of dangers. Adam takes Eve’s hand and they walk out of the trashcan. The cat looks preoccupied with the other trash, so they make a run for it.
They head for a tall forest in neat lines, and take cover in a broken pot. The cat hasn’t noticed or doesn’t care. Then they notice the “forest” is another garden, filled with house-sized tomatoes, mountains of cabbage and cauliflower, a huge patch of strawberries, amongst other things. And as magnificent as it all is, Adam yawns with the intense need to sleep.
“I can’t sleep,” Adam says aloud. “God said I’ll die if I sleep.”
“… I think I know something that will keep you awake,” Eve says, blushing again. Adam’s yawns disappear instantly.
A month later, God is late for school again. Once again, his homework has come up missing, but how is a complete mystery. He even blocked the door last night, convinced it was his sister, and left it on the desk where he used to have the Garden. And overnight, it just vanished!
Adam and Eve giggle to themselves, watching him scramble around looking for it while they hide.
“We really need to come up with something worse, though,” Adam says.
“How about we re-write his homework with all the wrong answers?”
“Too much work… maybe we can put tacks in his shoes?”
“Isn’t that too obvious?” Eve says.
“No,” Adam says as though it was obvious.
“Well maybe we can cut the seams over his butt crack on his pants!”
“Oh, I like that!”
“Speaking of pants….”
“Hey, leave me alone.”
“The apple was supposed to make you ashamed of yourself!”
“I like being naked!”
“Oh come on, don’t you remember the sweater?”
“That was a nice sweater…”
“Oh there he goes, let’s get in his dresser. Maybe I can find you something nice.”
“You know, I think those clothes are slowing you down.”
“I think you’re right,” Eve says blushing again. There’s a good 8 hours before school’s out and God comes back. And Adam and Eve are enjoying every minute.
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Last edited by Lebrenth on Sun May 21, 2006 2:22 pm; edited 1 time in total
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 2:14 pm Post subject: |
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lol, very good. But how did Adam survive? I thought he couldn't go to sleep?
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 Chapter 5: The Rendezvous 
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Stubby
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 2:15 pm Post subject: Re: EVE OF DESTRUCTION, Chapter 10 |
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Brilliant!
only...
| Lebrenth wrote: | | “Adam, we’re about to die, do you think you could focused for a little while?” |
I'm guessing you missed a 'stay' out of there somewhere... 
Seriously though - great chapter, and... I'm guessing great ending?
Or now do you want suggestions for how they torture god???? *giggles maniacally*
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 2:18 pm Post subject: |
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| D-Lotus wrote: | | lol, very good. But how did Adam survive? I thought he couldn't go to sleep? |
Eve found a way to keep him awake till it wore off.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 2:21 pm Post subject: Re: EVE OF DESTRUCTION, Chapter 10 |
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| Stubby wrote: |
Seriously though - great chapter, and... I'm guessing great ending?
Or now do you want suggestions for how they torture god???? *giggles maniacally* |
Thanks, Stubby! That's a conclusion, I'm afraid. But thanks for the maniacal giggling.
(and I'll go fix that typo right away)
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 2:23 pm Post subject: |
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Great stuff Lebby! I really enjoyed that chapter, especially the 'getting together' of Adam and Eve at the end
If it was the story's finale, it's a darned good one! If not... then it's a rather evil decision point. Either way, I'm liking it
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 2:25 pm Post subject: |
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Here we go:
THE END
Guess I should have put that on the end of the story....
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 2:47 pm Post subject: |
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Well, good ending.
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Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 6:32 pm Post subject: |
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Well done Lebs! A great story all round.
Of course, the ending leaves room for a sequel, though it would be a very different story from the original of course.
Anyway, congrats on finishing your first SGame!!    
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 10:42 pm Post subject: |
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The end? Well, in that case...
Woohoo! and  Sorry to see such a good storygame vanish from the section.
*waits patiently for the next exciting Lebs. Inc. idea...*
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Mother Goose
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| Posted: Mon May 22, 2006 1:00 pm Post subject: |
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Very funny story Lebby. I especially like it when the stories I'm following come to a satisfying end.
Thank you and congratulations! 
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Smee
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| Posted: Mon May 22, 2006 9:20 pm Post subject: |
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Hilarious ending - well done Lebby
100 Shiny Fables coming your way soon.
Happy Writing
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| 12 year old God? |
| There's no choice, beg for the antidote |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Lay down and die before giving him the satisfaction |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Tell God where to stick it |
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30% |
[ 3 ] |
| Remind God of the money he's wasting |
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30% |
[ 3 ] |
| Laugh at God's pitiful attempt at creation |
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30% |
[ 3 ] |
| Conscientiously Object to this poll :) |
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10% |
[ 1 ] |
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| Total Votes : 10 |
| Who Voted: Chinaren, D-Lotus, ethereal_fauna, LordoftheNight, Muaddib, Shady Stoat, Smee |
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