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Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire
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 Posted: Thu Mar 30, 2006 11:57 pm Post subject: |
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Okay the WTF moment....
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Chapter Five: A New Leaf
Ferissa woke to the smell of cinnamon tickling her nose. The sound of a shower could be heard and steam was pouring through the room making her feel right at home. For a moment she even forgot where she was and curled up on her makeshift bed, glowing like hot coals. Then, suddenly, the bathroom door opened and Ky, clad in only a fluffy white towel, stepped into the bedroom.
For a moment Ferissa could only stare in awe at him, he seemed to have forgotten her and was humming quite contentedly to himself. Instead of dropping the towel, and showing Ferissa just how far down that one really impressive scar ran he jerked a thumb at her.
"Shower's in there. Plenty of hot water left unless you want to steam some yourself." Blushing furiously and wondering whatever had made her so distracted from her purpose, she suspected that really amazing tattoo he had on his shoulder was the cause, she scurried into the bathroom.
By the time she'd scrubbed all traces of last night's, and all the previous week's excursions, from her she was completely relaxed. Then she wondered if he'd wanted her to use his soap and shampoo. He wouldn't have suggested I bathe if he didn't...or maybe he only gave me permission to use the water...what if he was only doing it because I reek?
She was just as tense and nervous when she got out of the shower, flash drying her self instantly, as when she'd gotten in...only this time for very different reasons. Even though she'd promised not to pry...or she'd at least implied it, she was going to have to ask him a few question. Cheif amoung them How can I help? But that was silly.
Why would Ky need her help...she knew there was a reason but the night seemed to be lost to a drug enduced fog. She remembered him telling her some long story, about what she couldn't bring up details only that it had been about some girl and some guy...or something like that. And there was that weird hallucination that his skin had been crawling and his eyes had been changing colors.
I'm off the Junk for good this time. Somewhere her innerself laughed. How many times had she made that vow, to get clean? To get sober? But this time I MEEN IT That didn't sooth the inner laughter. She bent down to pick up her discarded cloths then realized with dismay that they were filthy with road dust, grim, and whatever she'd picked up in that alley last night.
But she had to put them on. It wasn't like she could walk around naked right? A light rap on the door caused her to squeak. "Don't come in! I'm not finished." There was a deep masculine chuckle from the otherside.
"Last thing on my mind, believe you me. I thought you might want some cloths though...you didn't seem to have anything with you when you came in last night. I promise that I'm just going to put them by the door then I'm going to leave and not look while you pick them up okay?" Without waiting for her answer she felt his presence move away from the door.
Furtivly, like a catburgler in a dog pound, she cracked the door open, peeked to see if he was watching, then snatched the clothes and slammed the door. She looked at what he'd brought her, expecting something he'd outgrown or worn out. Instead he'd brought her a pair of faded khaki flair jeans, a brown and cream print silk top, a denim jacket, and courderouy pageboy cap.
Where? His girlfriend? Numerous conquests? Still she dressed, having little alternative, and picked up her old soiled things. She stepped into the room, a little self conciously, just as he returned, through a door she didn't remember in last night's haze But who walks through walls silly?!, holding a pair of chocolate suade boots with fringe.
He chuckled again at the 'Where'd this come from look' that must have stolen onto her face when she wasn't looking. "You're a member of the Sanctuary now. That means you're pretty close to being family. Some of the other girls here are about your size, and former occupants have remembered coming her with nothing so we've got a bunch of stuff that's been left...for the next person who needs it." He set the boots down and grabbed his guitar case off the floor.
Suddenly he turned. "Where'd you think I got this stuff?" She couldn't help it, she flushed. Ky laughed.
He looked at her standing there, clearly thinking she'd stolen some of his mistress's clothes. It was all he could do not to laugh out loud. Me a mistress? Ha. I've too much riding on my fidelity. Then he turned away before she could see his frown and think he ment it for her. She dosen't remember? But I didn't do...Mother? There was a slight pulse in the light around him, nothing significant, but enought to tell him she probably had something to do with it...though how she'd managed was beyond him.
Slowly a warm thought, like sitting on a warm rock in the summer sun, wound it's way into his head. The poor dear was strung out on everything imaginable. She's riddled with more toxins than rat poison. I feel bad for her just looking at her aura. Look at her Ky, she's a lovely creature, a fine specimen of her kind. Any male salamander should be half mad with want of her...instead they want nothing to do with her because of her lifestyle.
The worlds can be cruel Mother, this one especially. Did you know that Vy'Diril is planning on interfearing. That little salamander has the gift of Truesight almost as strongly as I do. She's seen Vy'Diril's pet demon burning this place, seen me having to confront him. His mother gasped.
Not in..."
No not in my true form...or well I think not. The vision ended before anything definite happened. Besides I wouldn't risk everything just to face him. I'm a little more capable than that I think.
That there is even a shadow of that kind of future worries me my son. That oath you swore was foolish.
But necessary. Vy'Diril would never have held to his half if I hadn't sweetened it so. With everything I am on the line he had to put something pretty big into the bargin...more than I hoped for actually. Still I think we're safe. None of the nobility even know that Lordy exists, nevermind that they could realease him.
I still think you need to be careful, and watch the salamander. If she's got the gifts you sense in her then she's going to be a target for worse than those kraken that were after her. Tread lightly Ky'Ril. Your father nearly broke me, loosing you I could not bear.
He gave her a mental kiss and held her in his mind for a moment. I'll take care but you should get back before the other's realize that you're speaking to me. For a moment mother and son embraced across boundaries and distances then she returned from whence she came and Ky shook his head, turning his head to the problem at hand.
Ferissa had finally managed to pull on the boots and was looking at him with a puzzled expression on her face. "What?"
"Just thinking."
"About...?"
"You actually." She flushed bright red. "You came here last night because you had a dream, a true vision, and it frightened you."
"So all that really did happen, walking through walls, the crawling under your skin, your eyes changing color." He put on his most skeptical look, as though she were on sandwich removed from the picknic basket.
"Um, no but I'll get back to you on that." She sighed and played with a freyed hem on her jacket.
"Sorry but I was..." He held up a hand.
"You were exhausted from your pursuit, terrified by the dream, and totally wasted on every imaginable disinger drug. The first one your safe from, the second I'll gladly listen to and help you with, but the third...you've gotta let that one go. The Asylum's a clean zone so says the Negotiator. He won't tolorate shit like that."
Ferissa nodded. "I've been trying to quit for so long...but everytime I just get over the shakes, celebrate a clean week or two, and something comes up and I fall back off the wagon again. It sucks and I'm," her face screwed up as she tried to hold back the tears. "I'm sick of being weak, useless, and hopeless. This isn't how women in my clan are taught to act, we're supposed to be independant, strong, brave."
She wrapped her arms around him before he could stop her and sobbed into his chest. Over the centuries he'd offered his shoulder as a tissue so often that a litteral ocean must have been poured out on his unyeilding skin, yet this time was different. Maybe because this was one problem he hadn't gone through, although being soul-mated was something like chemical dependency sort of, and maybe because he'd been specifically told to watch over her, he found himself with his arms out and tense staring at her in surprise.
Slowly, ackwardly, he put his arms around her and stood there until she stopped sobbing and used his shirt as a tissue, blowing her nose loudly before she remembered that her snot rag was currently being used to cover his torso. "Umm do you mind..." She stepped back, not wailing but clearly embarassed. He looked at her for a moment before gesturing to her with one hand. She gave him a blank look. "Could you turn around while I change this?"
She managed a smile. "I've already seen what's under it. A nice piece of ink and some wicked scars." He nodded.
"Yeah but I'm kinda sensative about the scars. You're one of a whole three people that know they exist. If I'd known you were awake I'd never have walked out of that bathroom until you'd shut your eyes." With a sigh and a curious look Ferissa turned around, her sobs having stopped during the discussion of Ky's sensativity.
He's got more scars than me. She realized that fact with a start. She'd never met anyone with a skin that battered. A canvass painted with more suffering than her own. Yet her scars, though numerous and various in apperance, didn't have the frightening depth or width that his did.
His looked like someone, or something, had excised entire chunks of his skin at once. Taking wedges two inches across and several feet long out of him. Some were short, like stab wounds or nicks, others, like that really interesting one, ran from his shoulders to someplace the towel had covered. Her own seemed so superficial by comparision.
Those scars...he'd obviously survived something so terrible it made the others give him, a human, respect. Thinking back something, some instinct deep within her, told Ferissa that Ky was no more human than she was. Maybe whatever had exacted such a high price in flesh had given him power, more power than Ferissa herself had.
"You can turn around now." She whirled, ready to ask him what she could do for him, when he picked up the guitar and headed for the door.
"Hey wait! Where are you going?"
"I've gotta set up. The club's gonna open in an hour or so and I have to be ready to play."
"Well what am I supposed to do?" He looked back at her, his hazel eye piercing through his veil of golden hair.
"I don't know? Go get high maybe? Or maybe you can get all that stuff you have hidden in your pockets and go throw it out? Maybe you can learn a little about the others who share this Sanctuary with you? I don't know and while I care I'm not your mother or your nursemaid. I can't be there every second to watch you so do whatever you're going to." With that he deliberately left.
It was hard to ignore her sobs but he had to. She'd never quit the habit if he coddled her, never break free of the chains of dependancy. He could be cold for a moment if it meant her flame burning brighter later. Yet still he couldn't help but wonder if his act would push her into sobriety or make her into one of the 'secret users' that were the seedy underbellies of the Sanctuary's.
Back in the room Ferissa stood sobbing. He didn't have to be so mean about it. I'm not that bad. Yes you are and you know it. He's letting you know what he wants and what he expects. He's not going to kiss and coddle you, you've got to take some responsibility for yourself. Do it, earn his respect. And then what? Have him run off to another club to comfort some other damsel in distress? Well what if he dose? Ferissa Flameheart Pyrekith you're not falling for this stranger are you...? She swollowed drily at her inner voices comment.
She'd just met him...he'd saved her life. She'd just gotten here...she'd slept in his room. She'd just showered...in his shower. He'd found these clothes for her...the man was unfailingly kind, even this moment of cruelty was his way of pushing her toward her limits, her own health. To answer the inner voice's question was she falling for this stranger..."Hard."
The word was a whisper but more powerful than any 'I'm getting off drugs mantra she'd ever chanted before.' Maybe with his help she'd come clean...but first things first. Was she even going to try?
-------------------
Well?
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 12:17 am Post subject: |
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Great chapter, Kal! This is getting interesting now - although we could do with a little backstory on the salamander people and the other races. I expect that'll come later though. *drums claws impatiently* 
I'm not sure it's such an open decision point though. She's already expressed the desire to try and give up - and now she has that extra bit of strength to draw from as well. She'll try again. Whether she succeeds is up to the author 
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Sun Apr 02, 2006 9:40 pm Post subject: |
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Poll's up.
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"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun Apr 02, 2006 9:56 pm Post subject: |
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Nice chapter Rai, though with more spelling mistakes than usual for you...
Mean
Arg! My pet hate. Losing. One O.
Interfering. Can't remember your spelling now.
Designer.
Doesn't
Arkwardly
does. You don't like this word do you?
Now then for the DP. Well, I may have many vices, but drugs is not one of them, so try and get off the weed, smack, etc ect...
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Last edited by Chinaren on Sat Jul 08, 2006 1:33 am; edited 1 time in total
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Sun Apr 02, 2006 10:05 pm Post subject: |
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Yes China that is a bad moment for me isn't it...and no I don't like the word does..dose however it goes! It's been the one vice of mine throught my writing carrer and will continue to be so in the future...just think of it as a creative signiture...if it's not in the chapter I didn't write it!
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"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Mon Apr 10, 2006 12:30 am Post subject: |
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So she sobers up...
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Chapter Six: The Beginning of the End
When she looked back on those months later, Ferissa would have said that they were the worst experience of her life up until that point. She had no inkling as to what was to come, after that vauge unremembered dream she shared with Ky she saw no more visions. Ky, however, was certainly a vision in her mind...a God at least.
He'd been there through the worst of it, being both unsympathetic and a shoulder to cry on. Heart like stone or easy words, it was all dependant upon the occasion. And never, not even when withdrawls were at their worst, had she missed him on stage. It would have been too much but if anyone ever asked her how she managed to get clean...she told them she hadn't. "I've just found a better drug."
Ky was nervously certain he knew what that drug was. Every night he spoke with his mother, trying desperately to keep a lid on his rapidly unravling self, discussing the fact that the little salamander was headed for a huge heart break. Ky was convinced that Fy' Sysae was behind it...yet she'd been becoming less and less like her siblings of late. It was almost as if she was having a change of heart, defecting to Ky's side.
But he wasn't going to accept that as fact. Not yet.
That didn't stop the weeks from passing, the Negotiations from having to be settled. And that was a trial in itself. The rest of the crew at Asylum accepted Ky's random absences as a fact of life. Ferissa questioned every moment he was gone, demanding an account of where he'd been and what he'd done. It was getting harder and harder to escape notice at all.
Even the others were beginning to ask him if he and the salamander were a thing. Ky was nice to everyone but they all had to admit, the salamander seemed closer to him than they were. Yet Ky steadfastly denied everything, laughing it off with an "I'm only human guys...I know when I'm gonna get burned."
Thus things moved forward to the fateful hour, as Vy'Diril and his co-conspiritors advanced their own plans abrest of Ky's...and the final sequence was put into motion by a seemingly innocous event. One night, as Ky and co. were totally jamming to David Lee Roth's Yankee Rose a new salamander stumbled into Asylum.
"Sanctuary!" It was all he could barely gasp before collapsing. Luckily not too many patrons noticed and those that did thought he was a hopeless drunk, especially after the bouncers dragged him off somewhere. In the excitement of the crowd Ky caught Ferissa's eye and motioned for her to go check the new guy out. With only a slight pout she did so, being the only current salamander resident of Asylum.
Thus down the stairs she went, past the other levels to the 'Salamander' level. The new guy was already being installed in the room across the hall from hers. She wandered in and promptly shooed everyone else out of the room...there were some salamander secrets she wasn't about to share with all and sundry. Taking a look at him she put a hand onto his brow, a hand that instantly became nothing more than formless flame.
Within the blink of an eye she was traveling through his body to that white place deep inside where the soul at rest resides. It was a white place, his inner sanctum. The kind of drab and spartan place a person who dose very little soul searching might have. He was just laying in the middle of the space, eyes closed, deep in concentration as he tried to repair the damage done to his sleeping body.
She decided that there was no sense in waiting around for him to talk to her, she had to 'break the ice'. While it was technically very rude to enter someone else without their permission first, she needed to know what this newcomer was like. Finally! After all these months, another salamander. Hi! her tone was bright and cheery. I'm Ferissa Pyrekith!
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He had been in the middle of a delicate fix when she'd interrupted him. He cracked open an eye. And I'm Nafeylis Seareni, pleasure to meet you...Now could you go away? The female crouched next to him. She was probably attractive when she wasn't wearing that 'spoiled girl' pout on her face.
That's a bit rude of you don't you think. I come all this way to say hello and you shoo me off like some bothersome fly. You never know if I could help you. He snorted, reading her aura like an open book, smelling the odd musk on her cloths. It was odd, all these different scents in one place, and would only happen in a sanctuary. Yet she smelled like home...no someone whom she spent a lot of time with smelled like home. Still her help him? Rediculous.
Are you an earthlinked? No I didn't think so. In that case there's nothing you can do for me thank you very much. Run along back to whoever it is that smells like...home. For a moment he looked very puzzled and then shook his head. The strange smelling person that clung to her clothes but wasn't her would have to wait while he fixed the damage that had been delt him. It wasn't every day that you got into a fight with seven kraken and lived.
She sighed, recapturing his attention at a difficult moment again. You're right about me not being an earthlink, I'm a windlink. I don't heal I see. As for the person that smells like home...must be Ky. He's always smelled a bit comforting to me. You'll like him, he's rather helpful. Nefeylis cocked his head sideways. When Ferissa made a statement she was very definete about it wasn't she, no double meanings. Still when speaking for other's it wasn't always the best to jump to conclusions.
You seem rather sure of this 'Ky' and his reaction to me. Would it open your eyes a bit if I told you that most people hate me on sight? He closed his eyes again and concentrated on fixing a wound on his upper arm. When she spoke again her voice was soft, almost chiding in it's near silence.
I didn't. He snorted. She was one of those who read romance novels wasn't she. Oh brother. He opened his eyes and fixed her with a no nonsense stare. Time to get those hopeless fantasies out of her head. Life wasn't a book, things weren't always on the up and up.
You've obviously been outa the loop a while. You Outcast...thought so. I guess you still think that the Fyrwinds are still incharge right....well they're not. My mother was the last of them and she died nearly three weeks ago. It's my father's clan that holds power at the moment The Seareni are the current salamander regents. Since they don't want to loose power they want to rid themselves of me. Naturally that dosen't make me very popular so I came seeking sanctuary. Ferissa smiled warmly and took his hand, he snatched it back.
Don't worry. I'm a Pyrekith or was...until the Accident. When I came here I arrived with five kraken on my tail and still they managed to fix me up. I don't really remember what went down...I used to be a junkie, but now I'm clean and sober and I've got lots of friends here. You'll like it and if you be a little more cheery I bet they'll like you. This conversation was positivly sickening as far as he was concerned. It was time to end it.
Nafeylis stood, at last, having managed to heal himself enough to return to the land of the aware. Do you mind? If I've got to wake up I don't want you in my head while I do it. With a slight oh Ferissa retreated, leaving Nafeylis to wake on his own.
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As she came back to herself she realized two things. Quite some time had passed and Ky was no longer playing music. Even as far below the earth as she was she always knew when he'd silenced his guitar. But her attention was deverted from Ky's soundlessness as Nafeylis opened his copper eyes. "Well are you happy I'm awake."
"Great now I can introduce you!" Nafeylis groaned but had no choice but to get up as she enthusiastically pulled him to his feet and began to drag him out of the room and up the stairs. As they reemerged into the main club she realized just how late it was.
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Ky and the band had packed up and were headed for the doors when he saw Ferissa and Nafeylis emerge. He saw just how bad a shape the new salamander was in but didn't say anything until he was next to them. It wouldn't have been nice to scream across the club and hurt Ferissa's feelings, after all he'd told her to go find out more about the salamander and she was probably only trying to help...as usual.
"You shouldn't have moved him. He's not in good shape Ferissa." The new salamander sagged a little more on her shoulders. Ky's frown deepened and he shifted the guitar case so that it hung tote bag like under over his shoulder and by his side. Ferissa's grin faded and trouble seeped into her eyes.
Ky saw the salamander grin. "See? I told you people are never happy to see me." Ky shook his head.
"I'm happy to see you, just not in this condition. Next time just leave him in bed and I'll visit him on my way down." If Ferissa had ears like a dog, they'd have drooped lower than her tail. Ky felt bad for offending her but this was one of those moments when it was tough love or tough luck.
"But I thought you'd want to see him right away..." Ky held up a hand and, before Nafeylis could protest at being handled like a child, shifted the weight of the sagging salamander over onto himself. After just a moment's adjustment, so that the weight was comfortable, he gripped Nafeylis's right hand with his own and wrapped his left arm around his torso. When Ky began to move, he was practically carrying Nafeylis on his back.
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Nafeylis had the quick urge to flash hot and give the insolent human underneith him a quick third degree burn but, quite suddenly too, he caught the human's eye. Something old, powerful, and dangerous lurked behind the thin veil of...was that a contact? Maybe the cheerful little bubble head next to him had now clue as to what owned the arm she wanted to hang upon but Nafeylis was no fool.
He smells like the Negotiator. That's why the smell had been so familier! He'd smelled it before, in the endless talks and Negotiations he'd attended with his parents! This man, that god they were somehow connected.
And don't forget it. That dark voice, whispering in his head again. Where it had come from and where it was going he had no idea. It had led him here, when he could have simply rallied the salamanders to him with his leadership skills it had told him to come here and seek shelter. He tensed. Could this man be the Negotiator? No, he was mortal...that was just silly.
Or was he? The dark one might not be the best of masters, but he'd promised Nefaylis things he'd never be able to gain by simply being a salamander cheiften. While Nefaylis, more than most others could understand, and even yern for, peace there was simply too much war in his blood for him to ever be able to sign the treaty the Negotiator had put forth. Maybe that was why the dark voice had sent him here...to tell this servant of the Negotiator that he wasn't going to sign. That must be it.
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Ky felt the momentary tension that ran through Nafeylis. Dammit what was he doing here now! In a week he had to be in the Hall ready to sign the Treaty in person. The Treaty, once it was signed Ky would be free, free from his responsibilities and duties. Free to go home. But it wasn't just the tension he felt...it was the rippling of Vy'Diril.
The slimy feeling he left behind coated the young salamander cheiften like sludge over coals. Damn and damn again but why couldn't anything go well just once for Ky. First Ferissa and her puppy love, now a seriously corrupt noble...this was not his day.
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Ferissa studied Ky's face and concluded that, as Nafeylis had predicted, Ky was less than happy to see the young noble. But why? What could her Ky have against the young man...the hansome young leader of her people. Outcast or not she owed him her loyalty first...and yet now, even though nothing had happened, she was questioning who she'd follow into battle.
Ky? Or Nafeylis?
It wasn't an easy choice, duty over love, and she nearly tore her hair in frustration. It wasn't something she could take to Ky, like she normally did with her weighty problems, she'd have to figure this one out on her own. Yet as she gazed back at Ky covertly she tried to come up with a reason he wouldn't like Nafeylis...and her heart supplied one that her head immidiantly laughed it's pants off at.
Jealousy. Ky was afraid that this new salamander was going to steal her affections. Well even if he was super yummy and a real salamander to boot he didn't have half the nice cozyness she seemed to feel with Ky. The 'talk about anything to'ness.
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Ky noticed Ferissa's 'covert' gazes. What is that silly salamander up to now? They flicked first to Nafeylis then back to Ky. He suddenly realized what was wrong...a moral delimma of a girlish kind. Now the question was...did he even want to know about it...? Did he really want to hear about her crush?
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
Last edited by Kalanna Rai on Wed Apr 26, 2006 2:32 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Fri Apr 14, 2006 9:39 pm Post subject: |
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Just cuz he's a nice guy huh Lordy...?
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"Music makes you braver."
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2006 3:09 pm Post subject: |
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Of course not - because he's the leader. And, being in charge, he should find out if there's something he needs to know - either because it's important or it might lower preformance.
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Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom.
Ave Dominus Nox
A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi
Blood Bowl
Scraping the Barrel
A Tale of Four Swords
Passion
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Ravenwing
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| Posted: Sun Apr 16, 2006 5:24 pm Post subject: |
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See, didn't I tell you I would read this story. I really like where this is going.
I agree with Lordy here, Ky is out of the loop as to why the new person is here. Best get Ferissa speaking as to what she is trying to do.
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New Story: Glassbreaker Presently on Hiatus until further notice.
Truthseeker (Completed SGOTM)
Samadhi Traveler 2005 Nano Wrimo winner (53,019 words)
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
-Confucius
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Smee
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| Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2006 9:20 am Post subject: |
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Hey Kalanna,
I am confused with this chapter.
I think it skipped from character view point a bit too quickly without some sort of seperator, which added to some of the confusion.
As I'm understanding it, Ky has some great powers, and is awaiting some big event so that he can be freed from whatever contract he's in?
Enter this new character, another salamander, but smarter and more aware than Ferissa and he knows what Ky might be.
Lots going on, and the main plot sounds exciting, yet we still know little about the overall aims of Ky, or his powers etc.
And then we get a decision point to decide whether to question Ferissa's crush on him? 
I know you've had lots of trouble getting this to fit to your final plot plans but I'm afraid to say, that comes with the territory of storygaming instead of linear story writing.
We need decision points that seem to have more of an impact on the story - and then it's down to you to make our decision work in the story. That is most likely going to require changing your ending, but that, again, is how storygaming works.
Sorry if this is a downer Kalanna - but I'm not feeling interactive in this storyGAME, just along for the ride.
_________________
The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2006 10:39 pm Post subject: |
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Not a downer at all Smee.  I knew when I wrote this chappy that it was going to be confusing, wasn't my intention but when you're writing something in the wee hours of the morning after a long day things never seem too clear. I will clear things up in the next chapter....I think...
As for the D-Point...it's actually pretty major, even though it dosen't seem like it. Her decision here really dose affect the whole ending because Ferissa is a key player in the confrontation at the end. Depending on who she backs, and when, the entire plot could shift and that would change the ending...how I just don't know everything's still pretty tentative...
As for their intentions and goals...the explanations are forthcoming in the next two chapters, promise. There just hasn't been a good time to map everything out up until now...
Hope that answers some of your questions and persuades you to hang around for just a bit more...
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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Ravenwing
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| Posted: Wed Apr 19, 2006 4:03 am Post subject: |
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I guess Smee is saying that the chapter was a bit choppy. May want to rough out the edges thats all.
I am liking the plot, though it does get confusing at times. And some things just seem to happen real sudden, or there's just a random new character that appears. You got to go easy on us here. 
_________________
Stories
New Story: Glassbreaker Presently on Hiatus until further notice.
Truthseeker (Completed SGOTM)
Samadhi Traveler 2005 Nano Wrimo winner (53,019 words)
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
-Confucius
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 2:32 pm Post subject: |
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Right edit's done and poll's up...reread and vote...
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Sun Apr 30, 2006 7:26 pm Post subject: |
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Is anyone other than Lordy going to give me a vote!
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Thu Jul 06, 2006 1:35 am Post subject: |
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Well I'd like to get one more vote in this poll before I commit myself to the chapter...come on people...you used to be interested...well my fault I'll just have to draw you back in eheheheheh...
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"Music makes you braver."
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| Posted: Sat Jul 08, 2006 1:12 am Post subject: |
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Well I'm posting the new chappy...even if it is only for the benefit of a person...or two...
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Chapter Seven: True Confessions, Truer Lies.
Ky moved gently down the stairs, careful not to jar Nafeylis too much. He could sense the young nobel was in agoney. What healing he'd managed to accomplish wasn't enough. In this condition Vy'Diril would have no problems overriding his will and taking control of his physical body.
It would be just like him to pit the boy against me. Damn him and his plots, evil always has it so easy. As they hit the Salamander landing Ky stopped and looked expectantly at Ferissa who seemed obliviously lost in her own thoughts. "Uh Ferissa. Would you mind opening Nafeylis's door? My hands are kind of full."
Blushing a furious scarlet Ferissa rushed over and pulled the door open with a little more force than was necessary, recovering her balance gracelessly when the swing of the door nearly jerked her off her feet. Nafeylis snickered causing Ferissa to flush an even deeper shade of red.
With the delicate skill of a glassblower smoothing a freshly cooled blown glass bubble Ky slid Nafeylis off his shoulders and onto the bed. "Ferissa, would you go wait for me by my room please? I want to talk to the newcomer alone."
"But Ky..." He looked at her firmly, a gaze that brooked no further argument. The same gaze he'd given her when she'd begged for just one more hit.
"I'll be there in a minute to talk to you as well. There are some things that need to be sorted out." With a soft 'K' and a downcast gaze Ferissa shuffled out of the room and firmly latched the door. Ky turned his full attention to the injured salamander on the bed. "I think there are some things that need to be clear between us." With a flick of his long leg, Ky hooked an ankel around a nearby chair and spun it around for him to sit on, arms crossed over the top of the back, chin on arms.
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Nafeylis stared at the man's nose knowing instinctivly that staring into his eyes would be a tragic mistake. "What do you want to know...Negotiator." The man, Ky, didn't even flinch.
"I'm flattered but I only work for that high office. Keep the peace in the Sanctuaries. I'm sure that a ranking Nobel like you must have seen the Negotiator any number of times. You can't say I look anything like him."
"Take the contacts out of your eyes and there's I'll bet you my flames they're a pretty shade of gold." He pointed one finger at Ky's face. "Bet your hair's dyed too." Ky patted the golden mane.
"Got it in one but there's no sense in advertising. I mean I'm not going to do any good like that. Might as well walk around with a sign that says 'Hey I work for the Negotiator!' around my neck. But I'm not here to explain myself or talk about my habits, hobbies, and responsibilities. I'm here to talk about you and why you're covered with the stench of corruption."
Nafeylis swollowed hard. He knows!
Of course you Dolt! You can't keep someone like him in the dark for long. Smell him, look into those fake hazel eyes, try to burn him and tell me just how far you get! He's strong, powerful, and covering up several secrets. Try to get under his skin before he flays yours off. Almost before the dark voice was finished speaking Nafeylis felt another force slam into him.
He gave a slight twitch as the alien power burned along his mental channels, prying him free of the many holds of the darkness, some of which he hadn't even known existed. The golden power sizzled along within him, burning him like nothing ever had before, cauterizing his wounds and preforming an impromtu healing upon him. BASTARD! With that final rage-filled scream the dark one was burned away, all sense of him gone from Nafeylis's ken.
When the energy finally faded away Nafeylis lay there gasping for a moment. A weight lifted from his chest and he realized it had been Ky's hand resting on him. Looking over at the man in the chair beside his bed he flashed a grateful, yet terrified smile. "What did you do?"
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That little display had taken more out of him than he wanted to admit. He was glad his head was resting on his arms once again, he didn't trust his hands not to tremble. Sweat was rolling down his spine and he felt his teeth lengthening in his mouth, that fire burning in his guts once again.
Yet it had been worth it. The force, that damn beast, was gone and Nafeylis was permenantly sealed agaist his intrusion. Ky might not be able to preform great miracles, but he could still do things with the living spirit of a being that nobody else could. However some of Nafeylis's deeper wounds could not be healed in one night, not with Ky's own condition being slightly chancy.
"What did you do?" The salamander, eyes wide with fright and wonder, hissed softly again in the voice of a warm fire on a winters night.
"Banished an invading evil, healed some flesh wounds and a few spiritual blights...about everything I could to help you. When I sensed that foul presence...I had to get rid of it. Through you it managed to bypass the many Wards against it that are rooted in the building and the land it sits on. We were all in danger, you most of all."
Nafeylis yawned and Ky smiled. He stood, a bit wobbly, and patted the young nobel on the shoulder. Kicking the chair back across the room he headed for the exit. "Ky?" He turned to acknowledge Nafeylis and hear him out. "I was wrong. You can't be the Negotiator."
"Oh, what changed your mind?" The salamander smiled.
"He probably wouldn't be tired after something like that." Ky chuckled.
"You're rather bright you know that? Now get some rest, someone will bring you grub if you want it, they have a talent for knowing who needs to eat and when around here. Good night Nafeylis."
The salamander nodded gravely. "Oh and Ky...nevermind. Good night." Shutting the door firmly behind him Ky traversed the last few steps at a hurried pace, more to calm his aches and pains than to rush the upcoming encounter.
He stopped outside his door and took a few deep breaths. He didn't need Truesight to tell him what was coming, although he wished he had a better gift for lying. Alas, all he could do was put a small illusion of difference around a kernal of truth, not create truth out of whole cloth.
When he opened the door Ferissa jumped up guiltily from where she'd been laying on his bed. "Now that I've cleared up things with Nafeylis I think it's time we had a little talk." Ferissa moved toward a chair but Ky motioned for her to sit on the bed and slumped in the oversized, over stuffed, much battered armchair himself.
From the way she resumed her seat on the bed one would have though Ferissa was sitting on pins, pinecones, porcupines, or something else of a prickly persuasion. Ky slouched a little deeper in his chair and groaned. He didn't want to pry it from her, it would be much better if she told him herself, but it was obvious Ferissa wasn't going to start the conversation on her own.
"So something's been eating at you. Not just since Nafeylis arrived either, it just escalated tonight. So here I am asking you point blank, Ferissa. What's going on with you?"
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Ferissa clutched the comforter, digging her fingers in as she groped about for a suitable lie. But what came out of her mouth wasn't a slick falsity but the scratch sharp truth itself. "Ky...I love you." She clapped her hands over her mouth and mentally flogged her self.
Idiot! Stupid foolish air head! You're behaving like a teenager again, mooning over a man who has shown you no more interest in you than would any good friend. And then, as if that wasn't bad enough, you go blurting it out without any attempt at finess at all. Stupid!
Yet Ky, sitting there in his chair with one arm over his eyes, only chuckled. "Is that it? That's all that's bothering you?" Ferissa couldn't believe her ears. She'd just handed him her heart on a silver platter and he was looking at it like he'd look at a bologna sandwich.
"What not good enough for you!" Her eyes snapped pure fury, her hair smoldered, and it was a wonder that the entire room didn't go up in flames. "Is that all you've got to say to me!" The arm slid off Ky's eyes and he stared at her.
"No that's not all I've got to say and I respect you for having the courage to tell me straight out and not try to put a pretty bow on your feelings. So I'm going to repay that honesty with a little of my own." He leaned forward and took her hand, when she pulled it away he only caught it again. "I'm sorry but I can't return your feelings Ferissa. It's not that you're not a good person, infact you're not the reason at all."
She looked at him, more than a bit stunned by his words and already feeling the sting of rejection tug tears into her eyes. He shook his head and brushed them away with his free hand. "Truth is if I had met you some time ago I doubt we'd be having this conversation. But you're a little too late." It suddenly dawned on her.
"You're married!" Again the shake of his head, hair glimmering like spun light.
"Engaged is more like it." He held up his hand. "See no ring. Maybe I should start wearing one...but i don't want to jinx things any more than they already are." She pulled away from him.
"You could have told me."
"You could have asked. We've known each other a little over two months Ferissa...it's not the sort of thing I bring up in casual conversation even if I'd known you a thousand years." She stared at him wide eyed.
"You're THAT old!" He looked mock hurt and grinned.
"I know I don't look it but believe me. I remember taking long walks through the streets of Rome...back when Julius Ceasar was around. Funny man Julius...never believed a word anyone told him." Ky leaned back in his chair and placed his arm over his eyes again.
For a few moments Ferissa's brain tried to put all the pieces of the puzzel together but that hazy night when she'd first came here fogged several of the clues too badly to make any use of. "So...who are you Ky...really who are you? And where is this mystery woman that seems to have you all wrapped up?" The arm came off the eyes again.
"There are some things better left unsaid tonight Ferissa. A damgerous game is coming to an end very soon and not all the players are happy with the score. I'd like to protect you as long as I can...that's why I'm leaving tomorrow."
She gasped, a cold clammy hand reaching up to seize her heart and squeeze her chest till she couldn't breath. "Leave. Ky you can't! You can't just walk out." A single hazel eye stared from a crack in his thatch of wheat gold hair.
"Ask anyone who's lived her long Ferissa and they'll all tell you this is the longest I've ever stayed in one place. I'm not normally this stangnant, not normally such a...a..homebody. I generally come when you least expect me and leave with the next attractive breeze." She couldn't believe what she was hearing...her Ky, her protector, confidant, and only real friend, was leaving her.
"I don't know what to say Ky."
"Say you won't try to follow me for one. And you won't try to find me for another. I can stay one step ahead of you for eternity Ferissa, trust me I can." He got up and snagged a folded blanket off the edge of the bed. "Don't try to come back to this room once I leave. The wards will seal it up again. You're welcome to stay with me tonight though."
With that he curled up in the arm chair and presently soft snoring came from his still form. For a moment Ferissa sat on the bed. Then, slowly, she stood and looked around the room. Her gaze came to rest on one of Ky's discarded guitar picks. She quietly palmed it and tucked it in her pocket.
On her way out she stopped in the doorway and looked back in at him. "Why does everything have to end this way for me?" Without looking back again she shut the door, praying that the echo had a ring of finality too it. But if it did she was too deaf to hear it.
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Ky lay there a moment after she left, the fake snoring dropped the moment she left. He sat up and ran his hands through his hair, causually wiping the contacts out of his eyes. He was loath to leave Asylum, not with the knowledge that the demon was going to strike here, but he definetly needed some space to think in.
"What am I going to do now Mother." Images instantly popped into his head. A gothic bookshop in a sleepy college town, a rough and tumble bar in the midwest, a texas bar and grill, or the small antique shop in the north east. He had his options. "Or I could go to one of the other places...I could just disappear for a while."
Whatever his direction he had to decide quickly...the evening was going to come awfully early for him...it always did.
------------------
Right, a bit of a stinker for a d-point but hey, it's still an odd choice
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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| Posted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 12:15 pm Post subject: |
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Ok all caught up.
Since this is my first post to any of your stories, I will give you the same consideration I've given all the rest of the authors here and offer you a general critique. Bear in mind this is merely an opinion and should be taken as nothing more.
You have an astounding gift for finding really interesting plot lines! You can curve enough truth to make a compelling story.
However, you seem to right in a very stream of consciousness fashion. There are times when you have changed themes, character POV, timelines, tenses, etc. with no lead in or explanation.
One important thing to remember about writing, for SG's or otherwise, is that the story needs to flow for more people than just you. The last chapter of this story is easily one of the best you have written. It had really good flow, it didn't get off track, and once I got to the end I understood what was being asked of me.
My only other critique would be to use your spell checker and also proof read your work. Normally what I would suggest is once you have finished a chapter, leave it overnight, and read it the next day before you post. You'll catch a lot of smaller errors if you can attack the story with a fresh mind.
But I would again like to commend on your ability to find the most interesting of topics! SG's are not easy in any way but you are meeting the challenge with some of the most brilliant topic choices!
Now for the DP! It would seem that if the one person who can make or break this treaty that Ky needs to have happen is here, Ky isn't going to go too far. Considering that Ky's entire purpose of being here seems to reside on this treaty being signed, I can't imagine he would actually go anywhere. Maybe he turns the door back to stone just to keep Ferissa and other guests out of his room. If he does have to go somewhere, I would say the Antique shop since it seemed the only place that would not take him out of town.
Besides who would look for him in an Antique shop?
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 5:02 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks Random and I'm glad you like it. I'll keep the POV divisions clear from now on but as for the spelling...well I'll get my proofreaders on it.
Hope you continue with the tale, you're the only person besides me.
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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chiacutie
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| Posted: Wed Nov 01, 2006 8:06 pm Post subject: |
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Im catching up right now. Will be done by tomorrow if I get off early tonight. Looks promising.
Its not fair that you ran out of readers really. Why? Did you not post a chappy for a while?
Im wondering... Do you have a pic/ banner to go with this story? If not...
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 10:24 am Post subject: |
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Well yeah I was off IF for two moths due to comp problems and had been losing readers prior to that, Lordy was the last one left at that time. Now I'm back and trying my best to save it.
As for the pic banner yeah I had one but I can't find it now. I'll look around some more...
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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| Posted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 6:37 pm Post subject: |
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| Ill make one, id like to! Free!
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 10:20 pm Post subject: |
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Why thank you. If you feel it's deserving of one go right ahead. Anything works for me, I'm just glad the SG's getting attention again.
S.T.S.G. is working!
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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| Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 9:27 pm Post subject: |
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corrections-every chappy seperate
1st chapter-
, second to last paragraph, 3 rd sentence-should be signaled not signeled. I think.
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chiacutie
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| Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 9:27 pm Post subject: |
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second chapter-
| Quote: |
"First off the name is Ky recognize it?" Armani suit shook his head. "Pity. That means I have to explain things." |
should have a comma, thats second chapter.
| Quote: | | He slid through a panel of solid rock into a chamber well appointed in a mideval style. He undressed and lay quietly on the bed. "Okay, it can happen now." Almost before the words had left his lips, the moment he relaxed his iron control, the spasams came. |
Spasms, isnt it?
| Quote: | | He continued down, past the vampiers until he reached the bottom of the staircase. |
vampires, right?
| Quote: | | . They say tests of this kind make the bond stronger...but how much stronger must our bond become. |
Should be a ? not a .
| Quote: | | He wanted to comfort and reassure her but could not. Indeed his time was waining and he had to return. You knew when you chose a union with me that it would not be easy. Pairings such as ours are frowned upon but don't worry...the time shall be gone before you noticed it. You've waited so long that a little longer cannot do any more harm... |
shouldnt there be some ""s in there somewhere??
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| Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 9:28 pm Post subject: |
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chapter 3-
| Quote: | | "You really don't look that well at all. I think that maybe you should go see one of the weres...don't they have healing powers or some such." |
should be a question mark not a period in the last sentence.
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Can no one challenge me! It was then that a blazing figure, blazing with light not fire, walked out of the malestrom. The red eyed demon turned to face him with mock surprise. Why Ky'Ril! What a shock to see you here! Well not really but I thought I'd say something corney like that anyway. Prepare to face your doom! |
you're missing ""s again.
| Quote: | | Ky only pointed and snickerd. The demon swept his tail at deadly speed toward the glowing figure. The demon paused. "Is pink my colour?" he intoned before finishing the sweep of his spikes. Ky jumped and evaded it nicely and the demon roared in rage, his pink spandex vanishing as flames erupted all over him. That was just for looks. NOW FOR YOUR DOOM!!! |
You know, its quite confusing when you dont put in those ""s!
| Quote: | | Ferissa stood there staring at him for a moment. Ky had saved her, she owed him that, and he was willing to deal with the demon, however he could, yet somebody should know about this right.... |
Put a question mark after those ...s so it reads
yet somebody should know about this, right...?
And I think youll get the effect you were looking for, you know, the.. diction?
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| Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 9:29 pm Post subject: |
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chapter four-
| Quote: | | . When was the last time someone called on a god and was answered." |
Should be a ?
| Quote: | | Alright, I'll give you that one. The Negotiator is a god but he dosen't come when you call you must go to him...." |
The negotiator is a god, but he doesn't come to you when you call. You must go to him.
| Quote: | | "It's a mystery my friend. A mystery as in the answer is out there but I cannot tell it to you...it is forbidden." Ferissa wanted to ask why but already Ky had moved onto another part of his story. "One day, as the Ay'Zlae sat weaping by a world barrier, a voice came from the other side asking her why she wept. Because I am lonely. For a moment the being thought and then the wall shimmered and it crossed into the place between worlds. |
"It's a mystery, my friend. A myster as in the answer is out there, but I cannot tell you..it is forbidden..." Ferissa wanted to ask why, but Ky had already moved on to another part of the story.
" One day, as Ay'Zlae sat weeping by a world barrier, a (insert adjective about the voice, loud, quiet, deep, raspy etc etc etc) voice came from the other side, asking he why she wept.
"Because I am lonely..."
The being though for a moment, and then with a shimmer of the wall, it crossed into the place between worlds.
| Quote: | | Then I shall comfort you. |
" And the being said softly "Then I shall comfort you".
Because it is too confusing otherwise. Of course that first phrase I put itsn't what has to be used, it was just and example.
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chiacutie
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| Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 9:30 pm Post subject: |
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chapter 5
| Quote: | For a moment Ferissa could only stare in awe at him, he seemed to have forgotten her and was humming quite contentedly to himself. Instead of dropping the towel, and showing Ferissa just how far down that one really impressive scar ran he jerked a thumb at her.
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For a moment, Ferissa could only sare at him in awe-he seemed to have forgotten her and was humming quite contentedly to himself. Instead of dropping his towel and showing her just how far down that especially impressive scar ran, he jerked a thumb at her.
| Quote: | | But this time I MEEN IT That didn't sooth the inner laughter. |
She gave herself a stern look in her mind, and a "This time I mean it", neither of which soothed her inner laughter maybe? I know you spelled mean wrong, that other part was just a fluency suggestion.
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chiacutie
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| Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 9:30 pm Post subject: |
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chapter 6
| Quote: | | She had no inkling as to what was to come, after that vauge unremembered dream she shared with Ky she saw no more visions |
vague
| Quote: | | Yet she smelled like home...no someone whom she spent a lot of time with smelled like home. Still her help him? Rediculous. |
Yet she smelled like home... No, someone who she'd spent a lot of time with smelled like home. Still, her help him? Ridiculous.
I didnt do chapter 7 there werent many mistakes just little teensy ones
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Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire
Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Topics: 173
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North
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| Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 9:39 pm Post subject: |
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*bows head* I thank you for the proofreading and will go back and fix the errors as I have time...which means sometime next month. Also I'm glad you took the time, that means that people are enjoying it enough to put effort forward to see this story become the best it can be.
You'll have to forgive me my errors though, I have no word processor on my computer which means I type everything straight to IF and more often than not I'm doing it at the end of a rather long day...19+ hours some of which were spent at work. I'm amazed i don't have more errors than I do.
Once again thank you and please don't throttle me because it was hard to read...I do my best.
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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chiacutie
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| Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 9:46 pm Post subject: |
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| Kalanna Rai wrote: |
Once again thank you and please don't throttle me because it was hard to read...I do my best. |
Wasnt that hard, but I was looking at it through the eyes of a perfectionist. Which Im not-so its no biggie 
I only have wordpad and notepad so...  blek.
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Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire
Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Topics: 173
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North
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| Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 9:55 pm Post subject: |
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Before you go do you have a poll option? If you do then I can put up a new poll tonight and get this moving again.
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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chiacutie
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| Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 9:59 pm Post subject: |
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go.. try to find somewhere else to stay...
Hmm, well are you loooking to end the story soon? Because then that lets me know wheter to make my next suggestion or not...
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Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire
Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Topics: 173
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
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| Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 10:04 pm Post subject: |
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Well there are a few more chapters left, at least five but it could be more if the readerbase picks up. Go ahead and make your suggestion anyway Chia and I'll see if I can do something with it. Also is this other place he's looking for inside the city or at one of the locations he thought of...?
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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chiacutie
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| Posted: Sun Nov 05, 2006 4:36 pm Post subject: |
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I'll keep my suggestion to myself for a while to see if it matches where your story is going...
I think it would be in the city... And instead of always thinking about his "soul mate" as he usually does, everything reminds him of Ferissa... Meanwihle the big scary thing in the spandex is drawing ever closer, preparing to make his attack but waiting for the right moment...
*jaws music starts playing*
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| What's her decision? |
| Leave him alone? |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Go see him? |
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100% |
[ 1 ] |
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| Total Votes : 1 |
| Who Voted: Lilith |
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