 |
 |
 |
 |
|
| Author |
Message |
LordoftheNight
Revered IFian
Joined: 11 Aug 2005
Topics: 41
Posts: 5276
Location: Hell
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
 Posted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 10:31 am Post subject: |
 |
|
Hmm, MkDibsky - what happened to Phang, one moment she was impaling secretaries, and the next - just vanished.
And you never know - I might have survived, so I like it.
_________________
Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom.
Ave Dominus Nox
A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi
Blood Bowl
Scraping the Barrel
A Tale of Four Swords
Passion
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Chinaren
Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Topics: 340
Posts: 8879
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Muaddib
Comrade
Joined: 31 Dec 2004
Topics: 30
Posts: 1765
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 9:16 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Right, I sorted out Phang. And Key, Smauna and Lordy were obviously killed, cuz the maniacs would have had to go through them before reaching Chinaren.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Chinaren
Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Topics: 340
Posts: 8879
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Chinaren
Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Topics: 340
Posts: 8879
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Apr 08, 2006 3:27 am Post subject: Tom, Dick and Harry. |
|
|
Tom, Dick and Harry.
Tom closed the last page on the book and sat back in satisfaction. Yes indeed, it was convincing, there was no doubt about it. The publicity it would generate from the speculation alone would push it on to the best seller list.
Just as he had come to this conclusion his publisher, Dick, barged through the doors. “It’s a go!” he shouted excitedly, waving around a piece of paper. “Just had this back from the legal boys. They say the names are just different enough from the real ones to avoid serious lawsuit risk.” He flopped down in the seat on the other side of Tom’s desk. “I have called the agent and the first batch is on the way to the stores as we speak, the advertising boys are on the phones, or whatever they use and we will have full coverage in time for the first full shipment.”
“Excellent. Did you send one of the advanced copies to the presidents’ office? To Harry Warburg?”
“Sure did, yesterday. It will be an interesting test of the book to see how he reacts.”
“Especially as he, or at least Henry Wenbarg in the book, is the chief infiltrator.”
Dick leaned back and lit a cigar. “Come on, just this time!” he said as Tom made coughing noises.
“Ah, what the hell, go on then, just stay downwind.”
“I must say,” Dick took a long drag, filling the office with smoke. “It was a great idea to write the book as fact. The way you made out that you did all that research, how aliens infiltrated the key figures of society, is amazing.”
“Actually, I did do the research. Of course, only a nut would believe that it is the precursor of an alien attack. Still, you don’t need much to get the conspiracy crowd going. How are the websites coming on? Are they all ready?”
“Weeks ago, the tech boys have done an amazing job, rigged the counters and hits and everything. You watch them go when the book is released.”
The phone rang. Dick picked it up. “Hello?” he paused and a frown passed over his face. “Well, sure I guess, send him up.” He hung up the receiver and looked up. “Well, that was quick. Harry Warburg himself is here! The book must have really stirred him up.”
“Do you think he is after us for deformation of character or something?” asked Tom.
“Don’t be silly! I mean, in your book he is an alien in disguise, an advanced scout come to take over the earth, how is that worse than his real job?” Both men laughed.
Still, they wore serious expressions as Harry strode into the room.
The government man wore his trademark dark baggy suit. He was sweating, even though there were few stairs on the way up. ‘That’s what you get for being such a fat bastard. Glad I didn’t vote for him, though he was a lot thinner then,’ thought Tom. Still, he plastered a smile onto his face and held out his hand as he spoke.
“Mr. President, what a delightful surprise…”
“Cut the crap” the president said in a surprisingly harsh tone. “What the hell is this?” he threw the advanced copy of the book on the desk.
“So, you read it then? That was quick.” Dick moved up to the president and then looked around. “Where are your secret service boys? I thought they never left your side?”
“Just answer the question. How did you know?” Harry Warburg said.
Tom frowned. “Mr. President, I am sure I don’t know what you are talking about.”
“I mean…” Harry’s voice suddenly took on a strained voice. “…how… did…” his skin started to wrinkle in an alarming manner, and Tom backed away. “you …KNOW??”
The president’s skin slit down the middle, and out of it stepped some sort of brown skinned lizard thing. Bug eyed. Pincers extended and grasped Dick by the throat, severing his head in one quick movement.
Tom backed away. “What the fu…”
The thing that was the president turned his attention to him. It spoke again in a rasping voice. “I said. How did you know of the invasion? How did you know of our plans? How did you find out about ME?”
The thing lunged forward and Tom squeaked and ducked around his desk. “I didn’t know anything! I just made it up! Oh my god! You mean it is true???”
“Have the books starting their printing?” The thing said, advancing on his position.
“No! No! And only I can stop them!” Tom lied, clutching at any desperate straws he could.
“Hahaha! I think the president may be able to stop them!” The thing surged forward and snapped at Tom with his pincers. Tom grabbed Dick’s box of cigars and threw them at the alien, diving to one side he squirmed around and burst through the closet door, slamming it behind him.
There was a crash from the other side. “Come on, open up Tom, I will make it quick!”
Tom ignored him and wrenched his phone out of his pocket, leaning against the door he hit the speed dial for the first person he found. It was his publicist.
“Hello?” the voice answered as another crash came on the door.
“Fred? Oh thank god! It’s real! It’s all real!”
“Tom? Is that you? Listen I am in a meeting just now, can I call you back?”
“You have to tell someone, it’s real! They are real! The book is true! They are here!”
“Haha! Good idea Tom! Great publicity! You call people and get them to think you believe it! Listen, can’t talk now, but I will call you back and we will work on this one some more. Gotta go!”
The line went dead. Tom cursed and was about to call another number when the door smashed open, knocking him to the floor. He squirmed backwards as the thing advanced. “Time to die Tom.” It said. And the pincers lashed out…
>>
Harry Warburg looked out of the Whitehouse window. His aide stood behind him. “What’s the latest?”
The aide spoke in a strange voice. “We have called out the national guard to combat the rioters, but there is a lot of discontent. People are asking hard questions.”
Harry Warburg blew out his cheeks. “Okay, we implement plan B. Thanks to that farking book I am calling the invasion off.”
He sighed. It was a shame, he was looking forward to ruling this one. Still, the fleet wouldn’t be here for decades. If things carried on as they were he would be discovered, and the humans may be ready for them when they landed.
“Call the joint chiefs, let’s launch their missiles and get the hell off this mudball.”
He ground the window frame under his claw. One world destroyed, and all because of some stupid book!
_________________
Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
Last edited by Chinaren on Sat Apr 08, 2006 6:33 am; edited 1 time in total
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Apr 08, 2006 3:38 am Post subject: |
|
|
Phew, that was close. 
Great story Chinaren, wonderful conspiracy. :biggrin:
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Chinaren
Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Topics: 340
Posts: 8879
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Shady Stoat
Elder
Joined: 02 Oct 2005
Topics: 76
Posts: 2950
Location: England
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Apr 08, 2006 3:43 am Post subject: |
|
|
*giggles* Like it, Chinaren! There's certainly some variety in this topic 
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Muaddib
Comrade
Joined: 31 Dec 2004
Topics: 30
Posts: 1765
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Apr 08, 2006 3:55 am Post subject: |
|
|
Excellent Chinaren 
Made nice use of farking. I prefer fudging though.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
OldJoe
Citizen
Joined: 23 Oct 2005
Topics: 0
Posts: 125
Location: On mah steed.
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Apr 08, 2006 4:24 am Post subject: |
|
|
Ah reckon it's one tough shootout this time round. Yup, I tip my hat to yall. Mighty fine tales, one and all.
_________________
Get off yer horse and drink yer milk.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Jack_D.Mented
Respected Citizen
Joined: 22 Jan 2006
Topics: 9
Posts: 958
Location: Hiding out in the woods of Washington
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Tue Apr 11, 2006 8:56 am Post subject: |
|
|
Wow. Cool. Really a lot of variety on this one. Great!
I don't ever remember the linear comp having this many entries before. Great idea for the subject, Fauna!
_________________
Eadgar's Saga Chapter 2 POLL
Abattoir Chapter 2!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
ethereal_fauna
Perpetually Distracted
Joined: 16 Feb 2005
Topics: 58
Posts: 2567
Location: USA
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Tue Apr 11, 2006 8:59 am Post subject: |
|
|
Thanks! I like the variety...the different takes on the same topic.
_________________
The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
ethereal_fauna
Perpetually Distracted
Joined: 16 Feb 2005
Topics: 58
Posts: 2567
Location: USA
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 5:20 am Post subject: |
|
|
One more day to get your entries in! Post 'em if you got 'em.
_________________
The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Shady Stoat
Elder
Joined: 02 Oct 2005
Topics: 76
Posts: 2950
Location: England
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 6:11 am Post subject: |
|
|
Here we go. I've taken on half the job of nitpicking this time. Muaddib, Phang and Chinaren, you're mine - in the nicest sense of the word *evil grin*
---------
Nitpicks for stories 4, 5 and 6:
Muaddib's story of IF
===========
| Muaddib wrote: | | His stomach plummetted the way it always does when you realize people have been talking about you |
plummetted=plummeted
| Quote: | | ( he gave them no reason for the existence of the hideouts). |
You don't need the space between the bracket and the first word
| Quote: | | All the City members, all the remaing City |
remaing=remaining
| Quote: | | The Building's various firms had been tipped off that they were about to recieve unwelcome guests |
recieve=receive
| Quote: | | "Alright lets go," said Key |
lets=let's
| Quote: | | Key, Lordy, Fauna,Smee and Idea Master were equipped with handguns. |
Fauna, Smee - add the space
| Quote: | | Saxon had his copious( and vanity filled ) muscles |
copious (and
| Quote: | | Muaddib had a flag pole( with a pointy end of course) |
bracketting problem again - check all your brackets, they come out as incorrect on the grammar checker. It's space-bracket-no space 
| Quote: | | All of a sudden, the doors were wrneched open |
wrneched=wrenched
| Quote: | | Muaddib gallantly transfixed many-a-janitor on his pole, which formerly carried a Comunist Party Flag |
Comunist=communist
| Quote: | | The remaingin IFians made a path straight through the mob, guns firing, chain swords swinging, poles impaling , trademarked products farting. |
remaingin=remaining
AND:
impaling,
| Quote: | | Saxon was not so lucky, he was brought down by a clothes line halfway to the end. |
The grammar check suggests a semi-colon after lucky, instead of the comma.
| Quote: | | Fianlly he realized, that this was his destiny. |
Fianlly=finally
| Quote: | | "Like lemmings..." mused Muaddib as he plummetted to his death. |
plummetted=plummeted
| Quote: | | Finally only Lordy, Fauna,Smee, Key and Chinaren reached the publishing firm. |
another Fauna,Smee, with no space between
| Quote: | | His last thoughts were,'A publicity campaign |
were, 'A
==========
Phang's "A Serpentine Soul"
| phang wrote: | | Unless you have the Serpentine Soul…”. |
You don't need the full-stop at the end, apparently. Just ..."
| Quote: | | Its real! The Serpent is real! He’s re… |
Its real=It's real
=============
Chinaren's "Tom, Dick and Harry"
| chinaren wrote: | | “you …KNOW??” |
you ...KNOW = You... KNOW??
| Quote: | | “We have called out the national guard to combat the rioters, but there is a lot of discontent. |
national guard=National Guard
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
ethereal_fauna
Perpetually Distracted
Joined: 16 Feb 2005
Topics: 58
Posts: 2567
Location: USA
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 6:25 am Post subject: |
|
|
A few nit-picks this time 'round. For anyone who types their stories directly into the post window, rather than a word processor, you might want to check out this nifty little tool which runs a spellcheck directly in the post box before you submit, with just a right click.
| Jack_D.Mented wrote: | Cracking open the leathery cover and dispersing even more dust, you begin to scan along through the entries along the strangely intact pages.
Maybe he wants something different. I really just pray to God that it’s because he’s not a big fan of Campbell’s chicken noodle. I threw in some hot pockets. Hope he’s not hooked on crack or herion or something… |
| Kalanna Rai wrote: |
I was transferred down here to help the Oucklebootchie Cap and Feather publishing company put out it's first successful novel in years. It was supposed to be based loosely on the town its self (awkward and redundant…perhaps this very town or the present locale )but...well you know how these things go.
Anyway I managed to pry them away from their pixy dust and sugar-coated snowflakes long enough to make them remember the guidelines of the oringinal project. At that point, with the big city hot shot here to take the fall if the book was a flop, they opened up with all kinds of startling little tidbits of town lore, any one of which might have made an interesting story in its own right.
Everybody and their dog was down here looking for that god dammed fountain. They didn't even believe us when we said the work was fictional...they just thought we were keeping the secret to ourselves and would storm off, determined to uncover it and wave it in our faces.
Well that's how we thought until one night, we were pulling a late shift brainstorming the sequal, when the windows of the room blew in and several heavily armed men in black rappelled in from the roof...which is pretty silly considering the window's only four feet off the ground.
Then the man who seemed to be their leader, well at least I think that's what the red kerchif on his head signified, squatted next to us and demanded, in poor English, where the Fountain of Youth was. No matter of explaining seemed to dissuade him of his mistaken information...no matter how many times we paitently explained that the book was just a quaint little Oucklebootchian legened he'd just paitently shoot another toe off one of my unfortunate collegues.
I still have all my digits, luckily, but only because of the timely intervention of a group of Oucklebootchies (possessive) Finest. That's right old Sherriff Fat Joe Stevens and his deputy, Bob, came up to the door and offered these terrorists from Shumckastan some coffee. Well those shumcks jumped outta their skins and started randomly fireing at the sherriff and he only managed to survive by useing his metal thermos and tin lunchbox as a pair of bullet proof shields.
Well when he found out I'd fled into the swamp, and by that time I was hopelessy lost, he assumed that there was a terrorist with me and that I, being a weak female, was leading this enemy of our nation directly toward what was our greatest national treasure. Within the hour a crack team of elite Special Forces soldiers had been dispatched to deal with me.
Their orders...dead or alive...Okay so I'm playing it up a bit there but let me tell you I did get shot at several times. By the time we ecountered each other I'd been out in that goddam swamp for six days, living off weeds and alligator eggs. I looked worse than the terrorists had and if I'd been the one assinged to look for me I'd have shot at myself too.
I do remember my 'capture' though. I'd been minding my own business, running frantically for my life through hip deep water, when I fell in a deep sinkhole and thrashed around a bit.
Then one of them said, "It's alright Mrs. Wallaby, we're here to take you home." I was so greatful I collapsed in his arms, and boy was he cute I can tell you that. He had a tight, round...beret. What'd you think I was going to say? He was very kind and when he set me in the car they'd radioed for me, when we made it back to the main road or what passed for it, I was ready to faint from gratitude.
Then he leaned forward and said. "Mrs. Wallaby, I understand you've been through a very traumatic experience but I have one very serious question to ask you...where is the Fountain of Youth?" And I looked the man dead in the eye and said.
"Just drive and I'll show you." When we got back to Oucklebootchie it seemed there'd been an accident. A few of the boy's had gotten a hold of some of those terrorists weapons and well...the town looked like Bosnia on a bad day. We had to get out when we reached Mainstreet and I led those soldiers with confidence toward our destination.
"Well boy's there it is. The Fountain of Youth." And everyone of them stared in awe...at the tiny little spa that had sprung up in the wake of the book's popularity. Now as I sit here writing a sequal, though I'm more than a little terrified about what'll happen this time, I can only think of three words to sum up the experience. |
| Shady Stoat wrote: |
This is what I’ve been reduced to. A whimpering five year old, afraid to turn the lights out for fear of the monsters in the dark. Three weeks ago, I was a top executive in a publishing firm. The guy who could sell anything to anyone. The guy who was scared of nothing and no-one.
The Badger’ Eye will never close. She made me do it.
I was right, too. Within twenty four (hyphenate) hours of the website going live, there had been nearly nine thousand hits. Chat sites had sprung up, people (semicolon rather than comma) had started arriving in the town to investigate. It made the local papers, as if it was real news, not just a fairy-tale from my twisted imagination. |
_________________
The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Last edited by ethereal_fauna on Thu Apr 13, 2006 6:54 am; edited 1 time in total
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Shady Stoat
Elder
Joined: 02 Oct 2005
Topics: 76
Posts: 2950
Location: England
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 6:32 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Thanks Fauna. Fixed
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 6:47 am Post subject: |
|
|
Phew! Made it! I hope this fits the criteria, and that people think it's any good.
Enjoy! :biggrin:
---------------------
9mm’s and Sunshine
One colour of death was bright yellow.
Yellow were the police ribbons that stretched from tree to tree, to keep people away. The ribbons fluttered in the morning breeze, and crisscrossed in mock gaiety the sweltering neighbourhood. Outside the ribbons, crowds stood and stared. On the inside, men with radios and clipboards and tape measures and cameras moved grimly from one corpse to the next. There were four corpses in all.
Yellow was the colour of the plastic sheets that covered the two FBI agents, who lay dead in the shade of a black olive tree. Occasionally the breeze would lift the sheets, and a policeman or federal agent would hurry forward to cloak them again.
The dead killers lay bloody and uncovered.
From an elevated parking ramp, reporters, photographers, TV cameramen and dozens of bystanders looked down on the tableau, at the intersection of Southwest 82nd Avenue and 122nd Street. Construction workers drank beer and guessed how it had happened. I knew, of course, but I wasn’t telling. A lady shopper with an Instamatic snapped a picture.
It was a bright cloudless day, a day when all the colours of death were vivid.
The broad bloodstains in the middle of the road were already burgundy, turning brown in the heat.
A shotgun lay nearby, five empty green shells shining like emeralds on the pavement. A few feet away was a black-barrelled pistol and, beyond that, was what looked like an automatic rifle. I stood still for a moment, a clear drop of sweat falling from my brow, landing sizzling on the tarmac below.
Swallowing, I hurried past the horrific scene, the package clutched under my coat. It was too hot to wear such a large mack, but I had no choice. The gunshots were still ringing in my ears, and I knew I had to get away.
It was a damned book, though it felt much too heavy to be a 560-page hardback. I don’t know why I kept it with me, but I did anyway. Maybe I thought it had seen too much. The police would take it, turn on their bright lights and it would spill all its dark secrets like it was some criminal on the latest episode of Miami Vice.
I turned into a shaded park, the green grass swaying in the cooling breeze that swept up from the sea. Finding a small bench under a towering palm, I sat down and took my head in my hands. Why had they brought guns? It was just a story, but Mark and Rammy had insisted that we were in some deep shit, that people were coming for us, and that they needed protection. Stupid guns. That’s what brought about this problem in the first place.
My book 9mm’s and Sunshine was just supposed to get people thinking. But then we’d gotten the phone call from the police, saying that we had to pull it, that it was pissing too many people off! So we’d started recalling it, despite our publisher's horrified public outcries of censorship and abuse of freedom of expression. I didn’t mind that much. I didn’t think people would come to terms with it that easily, and I didn’t want angry mobs after me. Funny how things turn out, isn’t it?
But that wasn’t enough, apparently. First we heard on the news that our publisher’s warehouse had been burnt. Then she disappeared. That’s when Mark got really worried and got me and Ramirez together. And the guns.
I heard a siren blaring in the distance, and moved from the bench directly to the base of the palm's rough trunk. The sun was slowly setting off over the tops of the skyscrapers. It would be dark soon, and then I could get away.
We’d taken rooms in the Surfing Dolphin hotel on 122nd street, and tried to plan our escape from the state. We were planning to go somewhere like Oregon or Colorado, but we were all jumpy and not ready to leave yet. Switching on the news reaffirmed our paranoia, as we heard the FBI saying they were looking for the ‘dangerous individuals’ who had slandered the self-respecting gun carrying citizens of America. The NRA was up in arms, literally, and so we had gone into hiding.
I agreed that we had to get away, but when I saw Mark with those guns, I knew that it wasn’t going to end well. I complained, told him to get rid of them, but he and Rammy took ‘em, saying they wouldn’t use them unless they were left with no choice. I scoffed, as that’s what most gun owners said in all the interviews I had conducted for my book. I packed my things and moved to another hotel down the street. I was leaving tomorrow, and would be away from all the dangerous fools. At least I could read my book with even more conviction and clarity in its purpose than before. The Miami populace had gone and doubly confirmed everything I had claimed. Smiling, I slid the book from its packaging, and held it lovingly in my hands.
I turned a few of the pages over, and caressed the glossy cover. It was a far-fetched hope, but a hope nonetheless. If I survived this mess, I would start again, and this time I wouldn’t let anything stop me telling what I wanted people to hear.
As I was sliding the book back into its brown paper bag, I heard a footfall on the path ahead of me, and looked up to see a figure standing just a few foot away, his arm outstretched.
“Hey, I know you! From the news!” I heard the click before I realized what was happening.
~
This evening in suburban Miami, a multiple homicide has left four dead. Two FBI agents were shot and killed by their attackers, who were then killed by other officers. The suspects were apparently heavily armed and very violent. A local shop owner described his fourth shootout as ‘routine’. The officers, who are still not named, were looking for the publishers of the controversial book ‘9mm’s and Sunshine’, which caused outcry in Dade County, and across the entire U.S., this month. The police are yet to confirm if the attackers were these dangerous men, though this is expected to be the case.
Now, over to you James, for the weather….
After the cameras had gone, and the bystanders had taken their last holiday snap, the killers were placed in the back of a light-blue van and hauled off to the medical examiner.
The agents were taken away in separate hearses.
The colour of death was jet black.
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
Last edited by Solomon Birch on Thu Apr 13, 2006 8:35 am; edited 8 times in total
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Muaddib
Comrade
Joined: 31 Dec 2004
Topics: 30
Posts: 1765
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 7:32 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Nice Soily, four people bite the dust eh? Not bad for a day's toil.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Shady Stoat
Elder
Joined: 02 Oct 2005
Topics: 76
Posts: 2950
Location: England
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 7:34 am Post subject: |
|
|
Yes, very grim reading (as I'm sure the 532page Hardback was too) 
Another very enjoyable entry to the comp. Good luck with the voting Soils
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
ethereal_fauna
Perpetually Distracted
Joined: 16 Feb 2005
Topics: 58
Posts: 2567
Location: USA
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 7:41 am Post subject: |
|
|
Here's Soily's nit-picks
| soily wrote: | It was a damned book, though it felt much too heavy to be a 560 page (hyphenate)hardback. I don’t know why I kept it with me, but I did anyway.
My book 9mm’s and Sunshine was just supposed to get people thinking. But then we’d gotten the phone call from the police, saying that we had to pull it, that it was pissing too many people off! So we’d started recalling it, despite our publishers (possessive) horrified public outcries of censorship and abuse of freedom of expression.
I heard a siren blaring in the distance, a moved from the bench directly to the base of the rough palm trunk. The sun was slowly setting off over the tops of the skyscrapers. It would be dark soon, and then I could get away.
Switching on the news reaffirmed our paranoia, as we heard the FBI saying they were looking for the ‘dangerous individuals’ who had slandered the self-respecting gun carrying citizen’s (plural) of America. The NRA was up in arms, literally, and so we had gone into hiding.
I agreed that we had to get away, but when I saw Mark with those guns, I knew that it wasn’t going to end well. I complained, told him to get rid of them, but he and Rammy took ‘em, saying they wouldn’t use it (them) unless they were left with no choice.
Smiling, I slid the book from it’s packaging, and held it lovingly in my hands.
As I was sliding the book back into it’s brown paper bag, I heard a footfall on the path ahead of me, and looked up to see a figure standing just a few foot away, his arm outstretched.
The officers, who are still not named, were looking for the publishers of the controversial book ‘9mm’s and Sunshine’, which caused outcry in Dade county (capitalize), and across the entire U.S., this month. The police are yet to confirm is (if) the attackers were these dangerous men, though this is expected to be the case. |
_________________
The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Muaddib
Comrade
Joined: 31 Dec 2004
Topics: 30
Posts: 1765
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 7:44 am Post subject: |
|
|
Hey I know Stoat might have good intentions(or not), but I protest her taking apart my story like that. After all this is a competition and she is one of the contestants!
I knew I should have just left it at you recieving eternal happiness, but I thought leaving you alive when everyone else was killed was a bit unfair.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
ethereal_fauna
Perpetually Distracted
Joined: 16 Feb 2005
Topics: 58
Posts: 2567
Location: USA
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 7:51 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Muaddib wrote: | Hey I know Stoat might have good intentions(or not), but I protest her taking apart my story like that. After all this is a competition and she is one of the contestants!
I knew I should have just left it at you recieving eternal happiness, but I thought leaving you alive when everyone else was killed was a bit unfair. |
Getting your story taken apart is one of the stipulations for entry. Read the very first post:
| Quote: | Proof readers will take your story, break it down, make sure it fits the word limit, grammar, spelling, plot, character development, etc. are all present and correct.
You can make changes to your story all the way up to the final posting date. After that, the stories that have not passed the critique will be disqualified. Those that are left will be put up for a vote for anyone to vote on. |
Doesn't matter if she's a contestant or not. Proofing is anyone's and everyone's job.
_________________
The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Muaddib
Comrade
Joined: 31 Dec 2004
Topics: 30
Posts: 1765
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 7:55 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Oh well que sera, sera.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
ethereal_fauna
Perpetually Distracted
Joined: 16 Feb 2005
Topics: 58
Posts: 2567
Location: USA
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 7:56 am Post subject: |
|
|
Whatever will be, will be...
_________________
The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 8:34 am Post subject: |
|
|
Thanks Fauna, I think I got them all. :biggrin:
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Jack_D.Mented
Respected Citizen
Joined: 22 Jan 2006
Topics: 9
Posts: 958
Location: Hiding out in the woods of Washington
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 10:40 am Post subject: |
|
|
Cool entry, Soily.
Got mine too, Fauna.
_________________
Eadgar's Saga Chapter 2 POLL
Abattoir Chapter 2!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
OldJoe
Citizen
Joined: 23 Oct 2005
Topics: 0
Posts: 125
Location: On mah steed.
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2006 4:11 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Aint the judgin' started yet? Ahm eager fer a lynchin'.
_________________
Get off yer horse and drink yer milk.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
ethereal_fauna
Perpetually Distracted
Joined: 16 Feb 2005
Topics: 58
Posts: 2567
Location: USA
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2006 4:53 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Since it appears that all stories have been proofed and corrected, I've went ahead and started polling. The poll ends Thursday, 20 April, so submit your vote for your favorite before that time.
_________________
The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
CunningFox
Citizen
Joined: 27 Oct 2005
Topics: 0
Posts: 210
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Apr 16, 2006 4:40 am Post subject: |
|
|
wow! I cant make up my mind on tis one. I like chinas, but muaddib's was funny too.
Maybe I will flip a coin. 
_________________
Just browsing, thank-you.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Muaddib
Comrade
Joined: 31 Dec 2004
Topics: 30
Posts: 1765
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Apr 16, 2006 5:22 am Post subject: |
|
|
| I voted for Jack's story. They were all essentially equally good though.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Jack_D.Mented
Respected Citizen
Joined: 22 Jan 2006
Topics: 9
Posts: 958
Location: Hiding out in the woods of Washington
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Apr 16, 2006 7:33 am Post subject: |
|
|
Wow... Four way tie so far? (I'm resisting the urge to run around like a chicken with it's head cut off in panic, barely... but resisting never the less.)
But thanks for the vote, McDibsky.
You a Bram Stoker fan perchance?
_________________
Eadgar's Saga Chapter 2 POLL
Abattoir Chapter 2!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Muaddib
Comrade
Joined: 31 Dec 2004
Topics: 30
Posts: 1765
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Apr 16, 2006 8:35 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Me? Not really, why'd you ask?
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Jack_D.Mented
Respected Citizen
Joined: 22 Jan 2006
Topics: 9
Posts: 958
Location: Hiding out in the woods of Washington
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Apr 16, 2006 8:43 am Post subject: |
|
|
I used the journal format from Dracula for my story.
I always wanted to try it out and was kind of wondering if anyone had recognized it. I really loved that style of writing, even if it is a bit archaic.
_________________
Eadgar's Saga Chapter 2 POLL
Abattoir Chapter 2!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Muaddib
Comrade
Joined: 31 Dec 2004
Topics: 30
Posts: 1765
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Apr 16, 2006 8:48 am Post subject: |
|
|
| I suppose many horror stories have had that format. But that certainly was san endearing point about your tale.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Solomon Birch
Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Topics: 18
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Apr 16, 2006 2:55 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Voted for Shady possum... I mean Stoat, because it was a creepy tale that was very well written. Well done you!
_________________
"Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
ethereal_fauna
Perpetually Distracted
Joined: 16 Feb 2005
Topics: 58
Posts: 2567
Location: USA
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2006 3:05 am Post subject: |
|
|
Two more days of voting left! This one is close...so many great entries this month.
_________________
The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Which author takes the belt for March/April? |
| Jack_D.Mented |
|
11% |
[ 2 ] |
| Kalanna Rai |
|
5% |
[ 1 ] |
| Shady Stoat |
|
35% |
[ 6 ] |
| Muaddib |
|
0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Phang |
|
17% |
[ 3 ] |
| chinaren |
|
29% |
[ 5 ] |
| Solomon Birch |
|
0% |
[ 0 ] |
|
| Total Votes : 17 |
| Who Voted: Chinaren, CunningFox, ethereal_fauna, Jack_D.Mented, Kalanna Rai, LordoftheNight, Muaddib, OldJoe, Phang, Shady Stoat, Smee, Solomon Birch |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
